Votum
by GieGie
Summary: A story following an Amell who never actually joined the Wardens.  More information in the first chapter!
1. Facts and Rumors

_**Votum**_

_Author's note: Hello everyone. I'm a newcomer to the Dragon Age fandom, but I have to say in short - AWESOME series of games. Anyway, that being said, you know a dork like me would want to tackle a fan fiction, and even though I'm new, I'll try my best to keep the canon of the game as canonical as I can!_

_So, here I am writing a fiction for Dragon Age oh my! This is a fiction centering on Cullen and an Amell character who __**didn't**__ become a Grey Warden (so much for keeping with __**a lot**__ of canon right? :D). I was just considering the way things might go in that situation, and decided the ideas I had were good enough to jot down into a fan fiction, and here it is :)! I realize most like to do stories based around Amell's who did actually join the Wardens, but I wanted to go in a slightly "what if" direction for more or less._

_That being said, expect a good bit of lemony goodness in this story :D My apologies to those who prefer Cullen/Surana as well, which I find equally appealing (if not even more so), but I decided to go with Amell because of the relation to the Hawke's in Dragon Age 2 and the potential connections I could get out of it in the story._

_So without further ado...I hope everyone enjoys :)!_

_I. Facts and Rumors_

Being sent to the Circle Tower had always felt like more of a curse than a blessing. After all, who wanted that? No one volunteered for it. Perhaps some children who had abusive parents would, and thus being sent to such a place had really saved them, but what about those who didn't? The ones who loved their parents and were loved back by them? Those children were taken from them regardless, and unless they were rich or lived close enough, would only hear from them again in letters. Even nobility were restricted, unable to pass their titles on to children who'd been found to possess magical abilities. It just wasn't fair, no matter the points argued in its favor that actually did make sense.

Aislinn Amell had been one of those children. She was an only child torn away from her mother and father during a crucial time honestly enough. Her mother had been ill and it was two months after Aislinn had arrived in the circle that she'd gotten a letter from her father saying that her mother had passed on. Aislinn had been completely heartbroken, both missing her mother terribly and also wishing she could've been there to help her father. Leaving for her Mother's funeral had been arranged, but even then, she was under the supervision of the Templars, and somehow, funeral aside, that left a sour taste in her mouth.

Thankfully, an Uncle was able to let her father move in with him and his family to live until he'd passed away only a few short years later - his death also the result of illness, though Aislinn suspected he had died of a broken heart as well.

Her first few years in the Circle wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for that. She managed to get along well enough with her instructors, as well as her peers, but she carried a bitterness with her for a while that just wouldn't go away, even when she _tried_ to like her surroundings. She couldn't help but see the tower as a fortress meant to cage her from those she loved, and all because she possessed the ability to harness magic. To the present, she still hadn't decided if the Maker had blessed her or if she'd done something hideously bad as a child that he'd cursed her for.

Still, Aislinn didn't let her bitterness cloud her judgement. She wasn't that type of person. Her parents wouldn't have wanted her to be that way, and if she could do anything to honor their memory, the least of all would be to keep her chin up and try to live the best life she could with the lot she'd been given. Maybe somewhere within that lot, she'd find some kind of reward.

Aislinn focused most of her abilities on healing magics, her other abilities put into elemental magic. Her only regret about using healing magic was that she couldn't save her parents with it because they were already gone, but her mother and father were her inspiration for learning it. She felt that, perhaps, if she could become well versed in it, she'd be able to prevent someone else from suffering a premature loss like she had, and that was enough of a goal to keep her going from day to day, all the way to her Harrowing, earning compliments from her instructors and her peers alike in the process. She'd figured out her lot, devoting time to learning offensive magic whenever she could as she knew she would need _some_ way to defend herself if anything bad were to ever happen to her, and she pursued it with as much vigor as she could muster.

After her Harrowing, the test all apprentices in the Circle took in order to become a Mage, things changed drastically. Thankfully this drastic change didn't happen immediately however, or she had no idea where she would have wound up. In any case, all was quiet for a short while until word arrived from Ostagar, and told that the King's Army - and the King himself - had fallen to the Darkspawn, including all of the Grey Wardens there.

She asked about being sent out with the Mages picked to go to battle for the King, feeling that her particular talents would have benefitted the warriors fighting, but sadly, First Enchanter Irving had deemed it too soon after her Harrowing to be sent off, and didn't want to just throw her to the wolves as it were despite her abilities. It came as no surprise that the Knight Commander Greagoir agreed with him completely considering the older Templar's views on sending any Mages to Ostagar to begin with - which was that he wanted to send none, wanted them all under tight lock and key as usual - but that, to Aislinn, was neither here nor there.

So she'd stayed in the Circle Tower and began her duties as a full fledged Mage, and she found that scrutiny from the Templars only seemed to grow somehow for reasons she wasn't exactly sure of. Maybe being a full fledged Mage made her that much more dangerous in their estimate. That, or perhaps it was just the wild rumors that liked to spread through the halls between the Mages like an infection there was no cure for telling of how the Templars were doing this and that which they shouldn't. In essence, it was all scandalous stuff that Aislinn didn't particularly listen to, unless she wanted a little amusement. Besides, Mages were cooped up in a tower all day long, so what better was there to do than talk?

But there was one rumor that had come about which Aislinn wished everyone would let go of, and she'd really only heard about it not too terribly long before her Harrowing had taken place, a rumor that always went exactly the same way for more or less, which was "I heard Cullen's in love with you".

Aislinn was confounded when she'd first heard that. Cullen was a member of the Templar Order, so it didn't shock her that a Mage would make up such a thing about him, but that wasn't the reason for her confusion when she heard it. The reason she felt so confused was because, for some strange reason, it actually made a slight bit of sense. Not love, per say, but perhaps infatuation because that particular Templar _had_ acted a little strange whenever she'd been about. Not outright as she recalled, but sometimes she noticed him fumbling with things whenever she walked past when otherwise he seemed to be a fairly capable individual - he at least didn't seem clumsy anyway.

The rumors had died for a short while but then flared up again after her Harrowing, as Aislinn recalled awakening in the apprentice's quarters to hearing someone saying that the Templar who'd brought her unconscious form in told them that it was the quickest Harrowing he'd ever seen, a line which was soon met with the words, "He _would_ say that about _her,_" proving to her that Cullen had been to one to say the words the first Mage had relayed, and only a part of her wondered how true his statement had been, or if Cullen had been speaking from some kind of bias.

That was when Aislinn first decided to, well, carefully inspect the rumor as it were. After all, her curiosity had been pricked considerably. She wasn't looking for Cullen in specific when she found him, but had already made the mental note to talk to him and just gauge the way he acted around her to see if any of it held merit. It was right after she'd left Irving's office following her Harrowing that she'd come across him walking down the hallway when he spotted her and immediately seemed to go into some kind of awkward mode that she hadn't completely expected.

It was somewhat charmingly amusing to watch him, she realized, as he'd stopped in his walk and said, "Oh," as if she'd been the absolute last thing he'd ever expect to find wandering the halls of the Circle Tower. He followed that with the stuttered out words, "Um..I-ah...I'm glad to see your Harrowing went smoothly."

She made a point of politely greeting him, smiling and really saying nothing more than, "Hello, Cullen."

As the conversation went on, Aislinn thought that perhaps he was simply, well, ashamed of the fact that he'd been the one ordered to kill her had she become an Abomination - one of the duties Templars had in the event a Mage didn't pass his or her Harrowing. He'd said it was nothing personal, but then again, he didn't seem completely apologetic for it either, having mentioned that it was his duty and he would follow it to the letter essentially. From the way he spoke, Aislinn knew he was being honest.

So why would he have been stuttering away unless those rumors about his feelings for her were true?

The conversation ended with Cullen telling her that if she needed to talk, she could talk to him, and Aislinn decided then and there that he was one of the few Templars she actually liked - though she had to admit that she didn't really know any of the others well outside of the Knight Commander. Still, she definitely wasn't so keen on spending much time around him, talking to him. After all, if the Mages were already gossiping about how they'd heard he was in love with her, the last thing she needed to do was incite even more stories by going to him whenever she felt the need to talk like he'd offered.

Though, that line of thinking _did_ make her feel guilty because he'd been kind enough to offer and ignoring it was a bit rude. Who in the world would have ever believed a Mage would feel guilty about anything to do with a Templar?

He didn't seem offended though if she didn't stop to talk whenever they happened to cross paths in the hallways and other areas of the tower, but at the same time, she'd guessed he wouldn't after how nervous he'd seemed around her before. No interaction was probably a relief to him, saying all of the rumors were true anyway. So she just continued on like she normally did and had few thoughts concerning the man, as well as tried to quell any rumors she heard by just waving a dismissive hand and saying something like 'that's just silly'.

Or she tried to anyway. The last thing she needed was to find herself in some conspiracy about enchanting a Templar with Blood Magic into falling in love with her, but the rumors had reached a point that a friend of hers brought a legitimate concern to her attention that she thought might be remedied by using Cullen's rumored admiration for Aislinn. Driana, a Mage that was Aislinn's exact same age, had claimed that there'd been a particular Templar who was harassing her. The concern was definitely real because Driana even pulled Aislinn to the side and into private to discuss it, and she was shaky and close to tears the entire time she spoke, seeming at the end of her rope with what to do.

What Driana was hoping was that maybe Aislinn could mention it to Cullen, who she thought would listen to Aislinn since there were rumors that he was fond of her, instead of simply dismissing her accusations as a vicious story created to make a Templar suffer like most normally would. Driana didn't want to go to the Knight Commander because, as she put it, "Greagoir scares the piss out of me."

Aislinn didn't know too many completely eloquent mages.

This was two weeks after Aislinn's Harrowing that this request was put to her, and she promised Driana that if she could, she would try, but she couldn't be certain what the outcome would be. That seemed to placate Driana for the time being, understanding completely that it wasn't always easy in dealing with the Templars.

One evening, when Aislinn was teaching a few young children some very basic spells in the study assigned as her classroom, word of the defeat at Ostagar having just reached the Circle Tower only a day or two prior to that, more information came that a few mages had survived the battle and were on their way back now, expected to arrive the following week. Aislinn had just dismissed her class from the library when she heard Irving discussing the situation with Greagoir as she headed down the hallway. Apparently both of the older men were worried now more than ever that this Blight wasn't just a rumor, and with the recent defeat at Ostagar, demands on the Tower were going to grow steadily higher.

It had been a stormy day, one that made a person feel completely lethargic inside because of the pattering of rain from the outside and the distant booms of thunder in the sky offering a lulling sense of atmosphere, regardless of the fact that there were marble walls surrounding them on all sides. Aislinn didn't want to hear any of the worrisome talk because of that, so she was glad when the two men turned in another direction instead of going to the Library where she was heading, her book of choice already in hand. The library was the most well lit place to read it, and during this time of day, very few people would be there.

She was a woman of average height, perhaps a slight bit shorter, so in passing a few Templars heading through the doorways and into the library, she didn't pay much mind to the fact that they seemed to tower over her, their eyes casually following behind her through their helmets as she went. She only skirted her way around them without a second thought and then past a shelf of books to an enclave where a table was settled near the far exit. Today, she just couldn't bring herself to do more than settle down and read a book - and maybe take a nap later if she could catch one. Despite the idle notions of activity however, Driana's request was still in her head, worrying her, but Aislinn just felt too lazy on that rainy evening to go looking for Cullen and bother him, especially not after she'd been, well, slightly avoiding him for a while.

But perhaps it was meant to be that she'd gone to the Library just to read however, because as soon as she rounded the corner of the shelf, she saw the very person Driana had asked her to speak to on the other side of the isle, oddly enough thumbing his way through a few books. Aislinn didn't make any double takes at him despite the situation however, and instead, casually took her seat and settled her book down on the top of the table. Once she was settled, she then eyed him quietly in thought.

The Maker seemed to set up some strange things apparently - not that Aislinn was overly religious.

Considering the chances, the sudden thought of _so much for reading_ hit her. She needed to get this over with. She felt terrible for waiting to begin with to address the situation, so she took in a breath and decided to start off by asking the unaware Templar, "Are you looking for something in specific? I might be able to help."

Suddenly, a book that Cullen had just laid a single finger on top of as if he might've been about to pull it from the shelf, went tumbling to the floor as he'd turned when he heard her voice, and as it made a thud on the marble below, he looked down at it quickly in turn with a step back, a good bit startled. Aislinn closed her eyes for a brief moment and bit her lips, trying her best not to laugh or to even smile. If the man _wasn't_ infatuated with her, then he just had absolutely no finesse around the fairer sex whatsoever. Somehow, she found it endearingly cute.

Cullen bent to grab the book he'd knocked off of the shelf, and in reply, he told her unceremoniously, "Oh, no, I-ah...I wasn't looking for anything...in specific."

Aislinn spared him anymore discomfort by overlooking his sudden jumpiness and obvious speech impediments to avoid making the situation worse for him and simply asked, "Just casual browsing for some time off then?"

He hesitated, then nodded at her, "Yes," before turning to put the book back onto the shelf - which he didn't seem to notice was backwards with the spine facing inwards instead of out.

Aislinn began nodding her head at him in understanding, looking at her own book which she'd much rather have been reading just then than using this Templar's rumored infatuation with her to try to get a little help for her friend going. But the ends justified the means if something could be done about the harassment, so she didn't feel completely bad for it. So in continuing with the conversation, Aislinn asked him, "Can I make a suggestion?"

For once, Cullen didn't seem offbeat, replying, "Certainly."

She offered a little smile, saying, "How about The Glass Cup. It's one of the few good stories in the fiction section we have here, well, if you care for fiction. The synopsis is of a simple farmer who finds himself framed for a crime committed on his lands, and," she trailed off in thought, "I'll just say the story takes some interesting twists. You'd have to read it."

He seemed to think about that for a moment, still standing by the shelf like approaching Aislinn might've been the same as inviting a demon to possess him, and he finally said, "The Glass Cup. I'll keep that in mind." Exhaling, and then relaxing - as much as his tense posture would currently allow - he added, "I'm not...really much of one for many fiction stories."

"Why not?"

It wasn't the subject she wanted to discuss, but Aislinn figured that a little starting chatter wouldn't hurt.

"I uh, I don't know, really. Sometimes it just seems too...preposterous...I suppose."

"Well, then you and I differ in that case. I like tall tales, even if they do seem too farfetched to possibly happen. After all, it seems like more often than not," she sighed, "things that you don't think could happen do anyway." She damned herself as soon as the words were out of her mouth because they sounded almost pitiful. Even worse, he seemed to take notice of it.

The only thing she could think was _Please don't let him ask if I'm alright_ just as soon as he asked, "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," she nodded, waving a dismissive hand over the subject. "Just a little weary from the sound of rain outside. It has a way of putting me to sleep."

That made Cullen smile at her. For a brief moment she had the thought that this wouldn't be so hard to bring up if he wasn't so nice to look at - or if he wore a typical helmet which apparently his position allowed him to go without. He wasn't a captain, but he was in the running for it from what she'd heard. Aside from that, she had no idea how Templar ranks worked. Or maybe Cullen was simply off duty. Either way, a helmet might've helped.

Or just made him seem more inapproachable. Yes, sitting through this without one was much better.

"It does me as well," he informed her as she'd been considering his rank and lack of a helmet. "I think it's why everyone has been a little lazy today."

He'd gotten that entire sentence out without stumbling over one single word, and Aislinn smiled over it. Reaching up to rub her eyes, she wondered just where to steer the conversation from here to 'one of my friends is being harassed by one of yours, do you think you could do anything about it?' without it seeming sudden. Fat chance, she considered. Whatever she decided though, she knew she'd have to act fast because Cullen suddenly added the words, "But I should probably let you get back to your reading."

She looked up at him as he was preparing to move along, and then parted her lips to speak, deciding on the choice phrase, "Oh, I...uh...," and realized she'd taken a lesson from him in eloquence. The balance had shifted so that now _she_ was the awkward one apparently, unsure what she needed to say in order to keep him from walking off, and the sudden thought made her snicker out of context. The sound put a look of confusion on the Templar's face, and that only served to make her chuckle even more.

"Did I...miss something?," he asked after a moment of her mirth had passed.

"No," she shook her head, letting an arm settle across the table top before looking up at him with a grin on her face and finally saying rather suddenly, "you know, a lot of Mages don't like you Templars very much."

Aislinn figured that she'd already confused him, so why not go for the gold? - and it definitely worked. If Cullen had looked confused before, he was flabbergasted now for lack of a better word to use. Aislinn shrugged at him in response to the look as if to say 'it's true', and Cullen just stared at her.

After a second, he asked, "I...don't understand, why is that so...funny?"

"It's not," Aislinn replied, letting her smile fade from her face before adding, "it just makes this hard on me. I was laughing at myself honestly because I needed to tell you something, and I wasn't quite sure how to put it. Normally I'm not that uncertain about things. _That's_ what I thought was funny." A slight lie, she thought, but not a huge one.

He took a moment to let that all sink in, and finally replied with a slow, "I see. You needed to talk to me," and a reluctant nod of his head was given. "About...what?"

She suddenly had the mind to say _not about us or anything, don't worry_ when she saw the look on his face which was so unsure, but instead, she simply told him, "Well, it's somewhat important, but...I don't know if here and now is the best place for it. In fact, I don't even know if I should trust you, or trust my instincts to deal with the problem, or if there's even anything there to begin with."

Now it was time to let him take the reigns and see what he might say, as whatever his next action was would help to determine how much she really wanted to discuss this with him after all.

As it turned out, she didn't have to wait long. "If it's like you just described, then it sounds as if..._something's_...there." He'd commented after a moment of thought, his posture taking on a much more professional manner, as well as his tone of voice. She wasn't completely sure it was the kind of response she wanted to make herself feel better about all of this, but she didn't say anything right away, allowing him to add the words, "It has to do with the Templars?"

She doubted he'd even noticed that he'd finally managed to unhinge himself from the bookshelf where he'd been standing that entire time in order to take a few steps closer to her, and as he did, stopping about three feet from the table where she sat, she gave him a slow and quiet nod of her head.

There was a sudden change to Cullen's countenance that was a bit unexpected to Aislinn, specifically in his eyes, which she couldn't tell the color of in the current lighting and distance from him. It was subtle, and had Aislinn not been looking, she wouldn't have even noticed it, but it was there and even on his voice when he asked her, "Has one of them been harassing you?"

It sounded serious, and Aislinn had to regain her bearings. Quickly, she diffused the assumption by saying, "No, oh no, it's not me."

That seemed to tell him all that he needed to know. Someone she knew was having trouble, and in hearing that it wasn't her, he did seem to relax a bit. "Then someone you know is having trouble?" Aislinn gave him a nod, and he looked down in thought before asking her, "Why haven't they gone to the Knight Commander about this?"

Aislinn let out a soft sigh, hearing some footsteps nearby, where she looked back to see a few Mages stepping into the library, apparently intent on research, when one, a man she knew by the name of Conley, briefly stopped and gave her one of those looks that said scandalously 'uh oh, the Templar and the Mage are getting closer!' before he walked on with his two companions. Damned rumors. Aislinn decided then that this conversation definitely needed to continue elsewhere if it continued at all.

Turning in her seat, she stood up and then stepped to the side to push her chair under the table. Lifting her book, the only thing she replied with were the words, "I asked her that myself. Apparently, the Knight Commander scares her, and she's afraid he won't listen, or chalk it all up to some conspiracy against the Templars. I tried to tell her that he was stern but he was also still a reasonable man, but she couldn't be convinced. I think she's just scared in general."

Following those words, with her book tucked under her arm, Aislinn looked back at the Templar she'd been speaking with and said, "It was a bad idea for me to bring this up to you. I should have simply gone to Ser Greagoir myself to prove her wrong, but I suppose a part of me wanted to respect her wishes, and I'd remembered your offer to talk if I needed to. But I really shouldn't have bothered you with it."

From the expression he was giving her, Aislinn got the feeling that Cullen wanted to try to tell her that he hadn't been bothered, or perhaps he was going to ask her more about the situation, but the look was specific in that he apparently didn't think she needed to just go and leave it at that.

"I...it's...it's not a bother. I could help you...with this."

Aislinn had just turned to go when he'd gotten those words out, and she looked back and offered him a little smile and short nod of her head. "Thank you."

In a moment of intuition, Cullen suggested, "But you don't trust me to do that, do you?"

"It's not that," Aislinn shook her head, then she looked around the room before supplying nonspecifically, "I just don't...like the setting."

Their sudden whereabouts seemed to just then hit him, as if he'd only realized that it wouldn't be easy to hold a private conversation in a library of all places. Aislinn would have asked him directly if he would adjourn to a more private place with her, but there were only two locations she could think of that would suit, one of them and the most logical being her Quarters, and that just seemed far too forward considering the gossiping going on currently. She didn't want to embarrass him anyway. Maker knew that seemed easy enough to do.

The other location was the area where she normally held her class, a Quarter on the third floor, which was a bit of a walk away. Still, it was better than nothing, so she decided in that moment and turned to face him once more, staring off into thought as she spoke, "Come to think of it, considering I have no proof of my friend's accusations, I really would rather leave the Knight Commander out of this instead of just going to him on her behalf. So if you would, meet me in the study where I teach my class in about half an hour or so, and I'll tell you everything she's said. Maybe you know this man better and could confirm how accurate my friend's story sounds."

She'd kept her tone as hushed as possible and looked up at Cullen to see that he'd considered it and nodded in agreement at her. "Very well, that sounds like the most logical course of action to take."

Finally, Aislinn smiled genuinely, a bit surprised at herself but she felt truly relieved. "Thank you, Ser," she addressed him formally, "hopefully there's really nothing to this at all."

Aislinn turned and began to walk on without waiting for some type of response or a "you're welcome" from him. After all, the longer she lingered, the more likely Conley was to talk about just how long she'd stood in the library with Cullen before he noticed her leaving, and that was really the last thing she wanted to happen, both for her sake and for Cullen's. After all, if rumors got around enough, they could cause a serious problem for the both of them.


	2. Awkward Solution

_II. Awkward Solution_

He wasn't sure what it was specifically. Probably just another question for the ages which would never have an answer, but the longer Cullen had been in that woman's presence, the more he'd found out that he was a moron when it came to the fairer sex. He'd always been the shy, reluctant type with ladies in general, mostly because ladies weren't really ever going to be a real option for him, so he'd never taken the time out to _try_, but when it came to Aislinn Amell, Cullen's shy and reluctant nature with women turned into clumsy and downright dumb.

_What does it matter?_ he asked himself for the millionth time, probably that day alone.

At the end of the day, the way she perceived him really _didn't_ matter, but apparently his mind liked to wonder over it regardless, as if it were something extremely important. After all, no one wanted to look like an idiot no matter what the reasoning was. He kept telling himself that was the only reason why he cared, but he still knew deep inside that he really only cared because it was _her_, and what she thought mattered to _him_, even if it didn't matter in the grander scheme of things. He wanted her approval, though he'd never admit such a thing, even to himself.

Here he was, an outstanding Knight running in line to be a Knight Lieutenant under Knight Commander Greagoir, and he was having whimsical thoughts of infatuation with a Mage of all things. Thank the Maker no one could read a mind like a book, otherwise he'd be the laughing stock of the entire Templar Order - perhaps even the Circle of Magi as well. But no matter how many times he'd reminded himself of those facts, his heart had still insisted he put her on the edge of most of his thoughts, at least, for the past few weeks since her Harrowing. That test of her endurance was the event that had _really_ set his emotions off.

Greagoir had come by and issued the order to accompany him to be the death dealer at a Harrowing, a common task for the Templars when Mages failed their test and became possessed by demons, and Cullen had immediately followed his superior's instructions without hesitation, asking idly who the Mage was without much thought attached to the question. It was something he always asked because, if he had to strike a Mage down, the very least he could do was know their name first to say a prayer to the Maker for them later.

It was then that Greagoir mentioned the precise line, "I believe the name was Aislinn Amell." He didn't question why Cullen wanted to know because Cullen always asked, and Greagoir knew why.

The name changed the whole thing.

Before now, Cullen had noticed Aislinn while standing sentry at his posts, sometimes given her a respectful nod whenever she'd passed, and barely spoken two or three lines with her on random occasions otherwise. He'd been serving as a Templar in the Circle Tower for a year and a half when Aislinn's Harrowing had been issued that evening, and during all of that time, his passing interests had slowly but very steadily grown more solid the more he learned about her, until he couldn't help but to watch her every single time she passed, even as he told himself to forget such fanciful notions about the pretty woman.

She was strong and stood up for herself if she'd needed to. The usual ploys the Templars used to keep Mages in line - that was, the ploys Cullen didn't agree with - wouldn't work on her, and he found it amusing that she could be so bold in the face of an Order that most Mages feared. She did it in a way he admired and respected, never resorted to flat out anger but instead, had a wit about her that got his notice, and to top it all off, in his deeper thoughts, she was indeed a lovely woman. So it really came as no surprise that he'd come to admire her so much, and he'd managed to keep it all in check, knew it was nothing more than a silly crush.

That was fine, something he could easily handle without too much repercussion - until that day.

Cullen had attended several Harrowings, and even delivered the final blow himself more than once. He never once liked doing it, but it was a necessary act that fate demanded. This time, however, something in his gut clenched when Greagoir spoke the name of the Mage being tested, and he could've sworn he'd broken out into a cold sweat. The thought of her suddenly turning into an Abomination was an unsettling one he couldn't remember experiencing the like of, and his emotions ended up roiling inside him restlessly. But he forced his visage to be nothing more than an indifferent, calm expression as he walked on with the Knight Commander to the scene of the test, wondering if he could really deliver the final blow to her should the need arise even as he told himself he would never fail to do his duty.

That wasn't a question either. Cullen knew he would have done it without question if she'd become an Abomination. It wasn't because duty demanded it however, but instead, because he wouldn't have wanted to see her that way, and had the strongest sense from what he knew about her that she'd also rather die than live like that as well, saying she was remotely human once changed. He would have killed her as a kindness, a mercy, no matter how much it hurt.

But for the first time ever, he questioned the entire process. If the point of fostering Mages was to keep them from being a danger to themselves and to others, why incite trouble in such a way? It proved the Mage could resist the influence of a demon, but didn't they do that every night when they slept anyway? Perhaps not, if they never encountered a demon in their sleep, but if that was the case, why incite it by introducing them to one at all?

Cullen had never once questioned the logic behind the Harrowing before, and it was only because of the person going through it that he did so then, so he tried to put his questions off on his ill-advised infatuation and didn't consider it further. The entire time she'd been unconscious however, he'd been saying a prayer to the Maker that he wouldn't have to perform a drastic duty that evening, that the Mage he was looking at would be spared. Thankfully, that prayer had been answered - and rather quickly as well. Either Cullen's prayers had made a beeline to the Maker, or Aislinn was a special type of woman. Cullen didn't try to answer that in his head because he knew what he might think about it.

Whatever the case, soon enough she had fallen away from the pedestal, unconscious and without one single sign of possession, just peacefully slumbering where she lay. It had literally been the quickest Harrowing he'd ever seen, and he almost refused to believe she was quite done yet. From the look on Greagoir's face, Cullen wasn't the only one having that thought either. First Enchanter Irving simply looked extremely pleased with his pupil however, remarking to Greagoir, "I told you this wouldn't take too long, old friend. This young lady is gifted, I've noticed."

Gifted or not, Cullen was immensely relieved, but he only let it show when he was alone again. It was all too apparent to him at that point in time that his passing fancy in the former apprentice had grown into a full blown infatuation. In his quarters that night, after he'd followed Greagoir's orders and taken Aislinn back to her room with one of his comrades to let her sleep the rest of the evening, he reminded himself of the impossibilities of it all, of his vows and his duty to the Maker and the Chantry, of the fact that he was a Templar and she was a Mage, and that was how things were. This was a test of faith, and he wouldn't allow himself to buckle. He was made of tougher stuff, and he'd prove it.

Sadly, the next day, he'd become a bumbling idiot with her when she'd said hello to him in passing down the hallway. Test of faith or not, it was still embarrassing, and apparently his "tougher stuff" wasn't immune to nervous stuttering.

Despite any Maker-given tests though, he wouldn't just turn her away, offering to talk if she ever needed to. He somehow felt that a part of his duty was to keep the peace between the Templars and Mages, and what better way to do so than by befriending one and showing that not all Templars should be feared. Perhaps it was an ill-advised decision on his part to befriend that _particular_ Mage, but he had to start somewhere, and she had never once acted squeamish in the face of Templars despite their stern reputations, so she was also the best choice despite his feelings for her.

But his opportunity to talk to her never came. Two weeks passed and either Aislinn never had a need to talk, or she didn't want to talk to _him_ in specific. She would pass by him, maybe nod in greeting if she saw him, but she never talked, and never gave him a second glance. He couldn't blame her with the way he'd stuttered over his words the last and actual first time they'd had a _real_ conversation in the hallway after her Harrowing, as she probably thought he was just a pious idiot now.

Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, he figured. If she wasn't talking to him, then he wasn't being awkward, nor was he being needlessly worried over the way she perceived him.

A few weeks passed and a bit of time off arose, some during which Cullen found himself in the mood to read. It was a habit of his whenever the weather grew wet and rainy. He'd return to his Quarters in the Templar's barracks and settle down with a book on some various topic or another that pricked his interests, just as he had in the Monastery before he'd officially joined the order. Not to mention, if there was one thing to be said about the library in the Circle Tower, it had a good selection to chose from, even from a religious standpoint if one were looking for that type of thing.

Cullen had no idea what he was in the mood to read that evening however, and wound up browsing through an entire section before a voice had startled him from his concentration. That bought of awkwardness he'd experienced came back with a vengeance.

It was Aislinn, asking him about what he was looking for, and after knocking a single book off of the shelf like a clutz, he'd explained that he wasn't sure what he was wanting to read and let her suggest a fictional story to him. The entire time they spoke, he found himself immobile, unable to step away from the shelves where the books were settled as if his legs might've become attached to the floor there, or even worse, were made of jelly. _Ugh...Maker, I _hate_ jelly_.

A part of him that was extremely excited that she was talking to him, making it difficult for him to latch onto her words and let them sink in correctly. That, and he knew he'd stared. _A lot_. Why he had to suffer this test of faith - or maybe it was just a test of diligence and sanity - he didn't know, but he wished he could have spoken with her without being so...awkward. In the very least, he wished he had the sense that there was some air to breathe around him.

In either case, the conversation took a turn that he wasn't expecting. As it turned out, there was a problem, and for a brief moment, he honestly thought that Aislinn was about to inform him that she'd been having trouble with one of his fellow Templars. He felt a surge of anger welling in him over the thought that it took a fair amount of discipline to control. But he managed, though he'd considered that had someone been bothering her, no matter the impossibilities between the two of them, he would find the Templar to blame in this and beat a confession out of him if he had to.

But then Aislinn had informed him that she wasn't the victim, and told him she'd rather not speak in the Library. She proposed going to the class where she taught her students, which was likely to be empty, so they could discuss the situation further, and he agreed. So Aislinn gave him a _Thank you, Ser_, and moved out of the Library as if she couldn't disappear from sight fast enough, all while he uttered out softly behind her, "You're welcome...Aislinn."

For a few moments, Cullen continued standing there in that same spot, wondering if he'd really just had this conversation or if it was all a figment of his imagination. Suddenly, he shook himself to snap out of it, knowing for a fact that he was acting like a lovesick school boy. This wasn't some meeting for them to just talk and share interests, and it was demeaning that the first place his mind went was to such a thing. The concerns Aislinn had just expressed were genuine and might have been rather serious. He needed to remember that and stop acting like a star-struck child.

So, resigning himself to a more dignified demeanor with a sigh of breath, Cullen turned and happened to look over at the shelf of books he'd been standing at before, noticing that a single book was placed on the shelf backwards - the same one he'd replaced from knocking over earlier.

So much for not acting like a child.

"For the love of...ugh," he muttered out softly while rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers when he realized what he'd done. Shaking his head, he turned to walk to a different section of the library - _after_ he'd righted his mistake with the book - and found himself in the fiction section despite his slight dislike for the genre.

It didn't take him long, and he plucked a single book from the shelf, looking the cover over in his armored hands. It was a dark blue, almost black binding, that had the words in gold lettering "The Glass Cup" written across the front, and at the bottom, listed the name "A. R. Riley." He could put this with the rest of his things in his Quarters and then head to the study where Aislinn taught. That should take up enough time for her to meet him there.

It was on the way to his Quarters that he briefly wondered why Aislinn wanted to meet in a half an hour in specific instead of just going to talk in the study directly from the library. Maybe she feared being seen with him however. It was the only logical thing he could think of. She likely didn't trust him, after all, he was a Templar. Then again, maybe he should ask her if there was some kind of worry she'd be noticed by someone in particular when going to a Templar for aid just incase that happened to be a concern.

Either way, Cullen found his way to her study around the time she'd asked for him to show up, and as he approached the door which was cracked and had a bit of light shining through it, saying someone was definitely in the room, he heard some shuffling coming from the other side. Uncertain he should knock or not, he heard Aislinn grumbling out, "Oh great, roll under the desk why don't you? Give me even more to do," which told him she was there.

Pushing the door further open and stepping in, he asked, "Lady Aislinn?," curiously wondering what he'd heard her grumbling about.

_Thud_. "Ow!"

Cullen had been shutting the door when the sound hit his ears, and he looked over quickly to see that Aislinn was halfway under her desk and, apparently, she'd lifted her head into the bottom of it when he'd asked for her.

She was already climbing out from under the desk with a bottle of ink in hand before he could attempt to get to her and offer any assistance, watching as she rubbed the back of her head and sat back, squinting one eye shut against the pain. Aislinn had used the half hour waiting for Cullen to come to the study to tidy it up like she needed to, and had been fetching a bottle of ink that had fallen off of her desk and rolled beneath it when she'd heard him entering the room.

Turning her head to see him walking over, she heard him asking, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she drew out slowly while rubbing her crown, "or I will be once it stops hurting."

"I'm sorry," he apologized quickly, hesitating when it came to helping her to stand back up, but decided it was the gentlemanly thing to do no matter what. After all, he'd startled her, so it was his fault, and he reached to take her...her arm, yes, that was unoffensive, offering her the assistance she needed in standing up on her own.

"I'm fine, really," she insisted, though she accepted his help and lowered her arm from rubbing the back of her head once she was standing on her own two feet again. She then turned to settle the ink bottle on the desk where it'd come from while explaining, "That fell on the floor and rolled under the desk. But no harm done." As she mentioned what happened, she turned around to face him, and Cullen snapped to attention, nodding at what she'd told him.

"I'm glad. I thought maybe you'd...fallen at first."

"Fallen under the desk somehow?," she asked, amusement in her voice. "I might be a Mage, but that would take a little more than magic to accomplish."

Cullen was already kicking himself in his head for how silly what he'd said had sounded, so he foolishly tried to fix it, "I meant fallen onto the floor when I, uh, heard the sound. Not...you know, fallen under the desk. Then I saw you and realized you were just...on the floor...already." He finished that by rushing out, "I just wasn't sure what you were up to. You know."

_Oh, shut up, Cullen. It would probably please the Maker at this rate if you just became a Chanter and spoke by script alone._ For a brief moment, he wondered how he might mess up the verses in the Chant of Light were he a Chanter and Aislinn was in a five mile radius. Some would probably deem the lines he'd mess up as comedic gold however.

It was hard to tell, as usual, what Aislinn thought about his particular line of speech just then, but she didn't seem to either be confused by it or think it was particularly silly sounding, only giving him that little smile that made him forget whatever it was he'd been considering the moment beforehand. He became caught in just looking at her. Long hair, currently unbound, the color of a light copper tone that waved down her back into curls, and hazel eyes that were stormy. One of the things he'd always remembered thinking since he'd first met her was to wonder if her hair was as soft as it looked whenever she wore it down like she was now. It was an inconsequential thing, but he'd always wanted to run his fingers through it and find out.

"Cleaning," she answered his previous statement, completely unaware of how he'd been considering her appearance just then.

The single word seemed to throw him. "What?," he asked in confusion.

"I was cleaning," she reiterated, "you told me you didn't know what I was doing."

"Oh, well that explains it." He'd said those words normally enough, but the whole time he was wondering _Why am I here again?_ She'd told him to come to meet her here, he knew that much, but he'd completely forgotten _why_ in specific. Talking, that was it, about a problem she had that she needed to discuss. Time to get to it instead of bumbling through another lame excuse for a conversation on his part. "So, what...was it you needed to tell me, anyway?"

Her expression grew a bit more flat, and she turned to head to the door. The blue skirt of her robes shifted around her legs as she went in order to make sure to shut it completely - as well as quietly - before she continued this conversation. Cullen watched her curiously, and when she was finished, she turned to face him again and took a few steps back toward the center of the room before she started speaking. He simply waited patiently for her to say something.

"First, I want you to promise me that if the name I happen to mention to you is a friend of yours, you won't get angry at me if you think him completely incapable of what I'm about to tell you."

That was simple enough. He was friends with most of the Templars in the Tower, true, but this could be serious, and if that was so, he would have to treat it professionally despite his personal feelings or friendships. So without hesitation, he told her earnestly, "You have my word."

She nodded, looking away from him and down at the floor for a moment. "His name is Ser Kethran." When that didn't get an immediate reaction, she looked back up and asked, "What do you know about him?"

"Kethran?," Cullen asked, and he sounded a bit thoughtful. Instead of asking what the accusations were, however, he told her what he knew. "I've known him since I arrived here. He's an agreeable man, serious in his duty, though sometimes he tends to be a bit...," Cullen trailed, trying to think of the word he needed. Finally, he settled on, "Reckless. He acts without thinking a bit too much for my liking. But aside from that, I wouldn't think him capable of much harm."

Aislinn took all of that in, folding her arms together over her chest, and then she started nodding as she thought about it. "I've only seen him once or twice myself, so I don't know him. Isn't he usually assigned to the Chantry?"

"Yes," Cullen replied with a nod. "That's his current station. Has been for about a month if memory serves."

Aislinn let out a bothered sigh after Cullen confirmed that. Apparently he'd said something she didn't like, but before he could ask, she told him, "Then it might fit the bill. My friend said that he started taunting and harassing her during her visits to the Chantry whenever they were alone, telling her things like 'the Maker doesn't listen to blighted Mages', as if he were trying to incite her to attack him, give him a reason to exercise his abilities."

Aislinn paused briefly before continuing, "She said it got worse as time went on though. Soon, he would follow her to her quarters, closely, and then she woke up one night to find him poised near her bed as if he might've been waiting for a reason to strike her down while she slept. Recently, and this is the part I'm not even certain I want to repeat, she told me he cornered her when she was alone and almost made her..." Aislinn cleared her throat, then finally waved a hand and said, "strip...to be certain she didn't have any wounds that might suggest she was using blood magic. She said that thankfully, three Templars came in at random, so she got away from him, but this was only a few nights ago, and she's terrified he's going to try it again."

Before she let Cullen make any response, Aislinn looked at him directly and said, "I honestly don't know if this is all just an elaborate story to hurt the Templars, or if she's telling the truth, but she _did_ seem frightened when she spoke to me, ashamed, nearly crying. I told her to take it to Ser Greagoir, but as I'd mentioned before, she refused. Personally, I think perhaps Ser Kethran was actually taunting her, and it _might_ have made her angry enough to make up the rest to try to get him punished, but it's just hard for me to tell without knowing this man."

Cullen was silent, thinking this over, seeming to be staring into nothing as he did so. Aislinn stayed quiet to give him the time he needed to mull it all over and make his own conclusions. It was definitely a harsh accusation, and not one that could be taken lightly.

"I see," he spoke at first, followed by another pause while he considered all of the potential truths behind the tale. Looking at Aislinn again, his expression serious, he asked her, "Do you think your friend is capable of using Blood Magic? I want to try to rule out the possibility before anything else is discussed."

Aislinn released a soft sigh of breath and began shrugging, "I honestly don't know. From the impression I have of her, no, absolutely not I'd have to say off hand. She's _very_ religious, and prays to have what she calls her _curse_ removed. That's why she goes to the Chantry like she does. But then again, how well do you know anyone? For all I know, she might have considered Blood Magic could be used to rid herself _of_ magic, as silly as that is."

"You have a good point," Cullen replied, his voice a low rumble due to the perplexing situation being a somewhat irritating one.

Just as he was about to suggest it, Aislinn added, "Also, you'd think she'd go to the First Enchanter, or one of the Senior Mages anyway, if she didn't want to go to Ser Greagoir. I don't know why she didn't. Maybe she was embarrassed, or maybe there really is something there to be hidden away. Still, Ser Kethran, like all of you Templars, know that a Mage can close a wound easily without any traces of a scar, and even then, not all scars are related to blood magic to begin with. So that just makes it all sound like an ill-thought out lie. Or maybe Kethran was just," Aislinn paused, waving a hand before saying somewhat softly, "being perverse. _If_ it's true."

Cullen didn't want to consider that. This was a case where he was honestly hoping the Mage was lying just because the alternative wasn't something he liked to think about, because it sadly wasn't completely uncommon for Templars to take advantages of mages in such a way. "I want to say I'm certain it's not true," Cullen replied, "but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was only because I don't like the thought of it. After all, it's not completely unheard of in some Circles for...well, you know."

_Templars to take advantage of mages in perverse ways_, Aislinn knew that was what he'd meant. Instead of supplying it though, she only said, "Exactly. I honestly would rather believe she's just lying to make Kethran look bad as well. But..."

When she didn't continue right away, Cullen prompted her by asking, "But what?"

Pursing her lips, hesitating for a brief moment, Aislinn finally turned her gaze back up to him and said, "I'm just uncertain because of the way she was acting when she told me, close to tears, afraid. I know people can act, but the look in her eyes just said she was scared of _something_. If Ser Kethran didn't do what she said he did, then perhaps he threatened her somehow, in just as serious a manner, so she made up something more drastic to tell about him that would really get attention."

"He _can_ be a bit reckless as I'd mentioned," Cullen nodded as he stared ahead in thought, then took a deep breath of his own. Finally, he seemed to decide on something, wondering if Aislinn would comply to his wishes as he turned his gaze to her and considered what he needed to say. "I...need to know the Mage's name. Someone should watch the both of them without...alerting anyone about this...to try to discover the truth of matters."

This was the part that would take her trust, Cullen considered. After all, she knew how easily he could simply take this to the Knight Commander and that would be that. A Templar accusing a Mage in secret of Blood Magic was enough to get anyone's head rolling around those parts after all.

"I promised her I wouldn't mention her name to anyone," Aislinn began honestly, "but I think you're right. This can't be swept under a rug, even if it's nothing. Her name's Driana. She's a little shorter than I am, with dark skin and black hair. She has a tattoo on her left check."

The name rang a bell. "Ah, the mage you were...," Cullen paused because he just realized that what he was about to say would elude to the fact that he was watching her when he probably shouldn't have been. So he covered by saying, "Bunked next to after your Harrowing. I saw her when we took you back to your room."

_At least that's not a complete lie thankfully_.

"Yes, her," Aislinn nodded, taking his short pause as another bit of his stuttering. Sometimes it was hard to tell if he actually only stuttered when he was nervous or if it was just something he did from time to time. For a brief moment, she wondered why or how such a soft spoken man would join an Order like the Templars to begin with. Not that he seemed like a flower or anything, but she decided that questioning his actual skill wasn't important. The Order had to have inducted him for a reason after all.

Either way, she went on to tell him, "If there's anyway I can remain anonymous in this as well, I'd prefer it, Ser Cullen."

He had the urge when she said that to tell her to just call him Cullen, but instead, he let it go for the moment and replied as earnestly as possible, "I promise that, should worse come to worse, you won't be to blame or come to the center of attention in any of this."

Aislinn could tell somehow that the promise he'd just made was important to him, and she couldn't pinpoint precisely _why_. She could've chalked it all up to some infatuation he had with her, but this time, it just didn't seem to be the case. He seemed...saddened somehow. She couldn't help but point it out by saying, "You seem a little down when you say that."

"Oh, well," Cullen began, determined to make what he was about to say sound intelligent, "it's just that...Templars and uh, Mages, shouldn't be at odds this way. I know you don't...trust us, nor any other Mage for that matter, not completely...and many of us are the same way...toward Mages." He then let a sigh, adding more fluidly, "Those issues seem to be growing a bit more tense lately as well. I just...don't think it has to be so. I think we should trust each other...work together. We shouldn't be enemies...in the least anyway."

The way he'd put it, Aislinn had trouble not believing him. So it turned out that it really had nothing to do with his infatuation with her, that he'd probably do this for any Mage who needed it, and because of that, even more respect grew in her for the man than she'd had before. It made her smile again, and she replied, "I agree. Everything would be so much more simple that way. Sadly, there are Templars and Mages both who abuse their abilities. They'll always cause some friction to exist I suppose."

The fact that she'd smiled at him made him eager to try to continue to prove that he wasn't some bumbling idiot, agreeing and saying, "True, but perhaps only if we don't work at it. This," he motioned between her and himself, "seems like a good start anyway." He hoped that wasn't being too forward, letting his guard down just a bit at that point to add hesitantly, "Honestly, I'm a little surprised."

"About what?," came her curious query.

"Well, I...wouldn't think you'd come to _me..._about this in particular. I thought perhaps you'd go to Irving, or a Senior Enchanter, not to a Templar."

Cullen waited to see what she might say, was glad that she hadn't taken offense and only shook her head at him, replying, "I'm no stranger to this kind of situation, and sometimes I'd wished there _was_ a Templar I could trust to have told about it. Telling other mages does little to nothing except for possibly make the problem worse. So I've always wished there wasn't any friction between us either."

Cullen had to remind himself that she'd meant friction between the Mages and Templars, not between the two of them, because his mind had automatically jumped to the fact that she was saying she'd needed a champion before and, while that was typically the case, his infatuation would read more into it than he needed to if he let it. So he simply nodded in response.

He also found himself staring at her as he said, "That's good...," blankly, so he shut his eyes and got out, "I mean...I'm glad you...trusted me to take care of it." Looking back to her face once he'd fixed his words, he concluded, "Well, if I'm not being too bold by suggesting you trust me already instead of...putting yourself out on a limb."

_Maker why does this have to be so hard?_

It only got harder as well. A warm, pretty smile curved her lips upward when he suggested that, one that got his heart to skip a beat in his chest and make him forget that the world was around them while she told him, "I think the limb's sturdy enough, Ser, and low to the ground. If it does happen to snap beneath me, I shouldn't fall very far."

Something about the way she spoke and smiled at him just then made him feel like she could've enchanted an entire room without a single spell, and it was in that moment that he realized he'd been extremely quiet, still staring at her like a dolt with no brains. So he said quickly, "I'll t-try my best...not to disappoint. But I should be going." He began to walk past her so he could get to the door, stopping briefly on the way to add, "Oh, and I'll make sure to keep you informed of...whatever happens with the investigation."

"Thank you," she nodded as he headed to the door like she'd just lit a magical fire under his ass, and he gave her a courteous nod of his head when turning to step out of the room, shutting the door behind himself, and walking down the hallway.

As soon as he'd managed to make it to one of the stairwells where no one was located, Cullen released a very long, deep breath, took the railing, and let his posture slump a great deal. It was the first breath he'd had since he'd walked into that study, or so it felt like. Why it never seemed as if there was any air in the room when she was around, he'd never understand. But for now, he had to make some arrangements as he thoroughly intended to find out what was going on between Ser Kethran and the Mage named Driana, if there was anything at all. It would keep his mind off of his...infatuation anyway.

Sadly, neither Cullen nor Aislinn knew that the truth of the situation would never come out completely before disaster struck.


	3. Devious Devotion

_III. Devious Devotion_

Driana was especially devout, just as Aislinn had said she was. Cullen didn't remember ever seeing someone pray for that long a stint and he'd grown up in a monasteries - even _he_ felt the Maker needed a break from time to time. So it was apparent that if anything, Aislinn hadn't been lying, and Driana wanted to be certain that their creator hadn't really turned his back on her in the very least.

Cullen hadn't made his presence in the Chantry known to anyone. It was three days after Aislinn had expressed her concerns to him that he'd finally managed to get a little time to show up in the Chantry and simply watch things - after having an inconspicuous yet short talk with Kethran about Mages in general to see what the Templar had to say. Kethran's responses were too ambiguous to get any proper decisions out of however, as he sounded just like all of the rest of the Templars - Mages needed to be watched consistently without question. Because of this, further information would definitely be needed. So Cullen was just listening quietly now from an obscure position on the inside of an alcove in the Chantry where an alter sporting several unlit candles stood for prayer purposes.

He'd arrived about ten minutes before Kethran's duty was to start, and he'd been in the Chantry for over an hour now waiting to see if he could spot anything in particular when Driana had finally arrived and she'd began to pray. So far, nothing had been said to anyone whatsoever that was noteworthy. It was a normal scene, a few people routinely coming and going amidst the granite columns and lit candles on the walls, random whisperings here and there, and the occasional prayers and blessings being given. If it weren't for the long days he'd spent in the quiet monastery while he was in training before his official induction into the Templar Order, Cullen probably would have fallen asleep, but he was used to this kind of thing so he managed not to drift off in thought too often.

Another half an hour passed, and the Chantry had emptied - except for Kethran, standing near the doorway, and Driana, who was just getting off of one knee from her prayers. Cullen himself had gone off into thought about his considerations of becoming a Lieutenant when he heard the movement the young Mage had made, and he looked up, getting his mind back onto the things at hand and watched her slowly walking toward the door. Her posture was a good bit demure, making it look as if she were squeamish.

As she passed Ser Kethran, Cullen noticed her coming to an abrupt stop, and she turned a look up at the man who'd apparently just said something to her lowly. The movement made Cullen wish he were closer so he could hear everything more clearly, but sadly, whatever Kethran had just said was lost to all but the Mage he'd said it to. Apparently though, it was unpleasant and hadn't made her happy, and her response wasn't what Cullen had expected. Aislinn told him she'd seemed scared, close to tears, but right now, Driana was _glaring_ at Kethran like she could have reached up and slapped his face right through the helmet he wore. The verbal response she gave to the Templar was something that Cullen heard clearly.

"Be careful what you say, Ser, sometimes tables have a way of turning."

Driana didn't stick around either, instead, skirting through the door quickly once those words were spoken. After she ran off, Kethran jolted as if he might've been ready to follow her, but then relaxed and continued standing sentry and minding his post like he was supposed to. "I'm sure you'd like the tables turned, sleazy whore, after what you've been doing."

Kethran would have continued to stand there doing his watching duties, but he suddenly heard, "What did you just say?," coming from behind him as he stood at a column lining the center of the room near the entrance. He spun around to see Cullen, who'd stepped out of the Alcove not long after Kethran had made his comment, giving the Templar a highly scrutinizing gaze as he took a few steps closer to his fellow Templar.

"Oh, Cullen, you startled me," the Templar sighed out, taking a more relaxed position since Cullen was one of his own, and not someone like First Enchanter Irving or even Greagoir, who would've been extremely unhappy with the choice of words he'd had to say - though he did know that Cullen might not be either. Still, Cullen would be easier to deal with than someone like Greagoir.

"You didn't answer my question," Cullen repeated to the Templar, thinking the man was relaxing foolishly - perhaps. "What did you say to her?"

Kethran let a low sigh, replying to Cullen, "I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said something so crass, in a Chantry of all places."

"Then why _did_ you?," Cullen insisted, his voice leaving no room to allow Kethran to deny him an answer.

The tone of his voice made Kethran look up at Cullen somewhat suddenly as if he hadn't expected it, and finally Kethran was starting to see that his comrade was completely serious about this. So Kethran told him, "If you heard that, then you must have heard the indirect threat she issued me. That was why I said it, as bad of a choice of words as they might have been."

Without pause, Cullen replied, "And now we're back to my original question," before he enunciated, "what did you just say to her that made her issue that threat?"

"I...," Kethran started, and then he waved a hand, his posture becoming a more defensive one, "I told her she'd better be staying in line."

"Why? Has she been out of line?," Cullen asked in casual response, waving a hand as he added, "I don't recall any particular reports passing through recently about this Mage needing an eye kept on her."

"She acts suspicious," Kethran informed him without hesitation. "Just how long does a Mage need to stay in a Chantry and pray? How do we know she's not casting some kind of spell, working some magic we don't know the proper functions of? Besides," Kethran then motioned at Cullen and asked, "what are you so bent out of shape about? I'll admit, what I said was out of line, but she's just another Mage, nothing special at all about her, except the suspicious nature of her visits here."

There was that attitude that was causing so much friction between the Order and the Circle, Cullen thought to himself, and though he knew that Mages had a great potential to go bad - and that when they did, they took everyone around them with them - he never once understood a need for that type of prejudice against them when they were just being their normal selves.

So Cullen called Kethran out on it by saying, "Really, Kethran? Coming to the Chantry and pretending to pray while working a spell of questionable nature?"

"Yes," Kethran replied as if the thought wasn't questionable in the very least, "and you can't ask me why I didn't report such a thing to the Knight Commander. It sounds ridiculous, even to me. But I've been watching her. _You_ haven't been in the Chantry for the past month, but _I_ have. She's strange, I'm telling you."

This really was getting no where, so Cullen just asked the most obvious question to see if perhaps that would move the roadblock from the path of getting any information here, "What's so strange about a woman who wants to say a long prayer to her Maker, Kethran?"

"I suppose you missed the fact that she's a Mage, Cullen," Kethran replied with a bit of ire in his tone.

"So just because she's a mage, she can't pray, or believe in the Maker? I seem to recall mages praying several times since I was assigned to this Circle. I don't remember seeing anything strange coming out of it either."

Cullen heard Kethran letting a sigh out, and he was ready to chalk all of this up to some heavy paranoia on Kethran's part, but that's when Kethran said, "I found a few small spots of what looked like blood...on the floor by the alter after she left the Chantry one evening about a week ago."

_Now_ they were getting somewhere. The admission made Cullen stop in any previous thought he'd been having about paranoia completely and give the man a slightly wide eyed look. "You what?"

"Yes," Kethran nodded. "She was the only one who had been there because she takes so long, and by the time I'd brought someone back to help me determine if I was right in that it was actually blood because it was hard to tell against the granite, the blood was gone, and it was considered a prank on my part. But Driana had been praying for awhile, and I wasn't sure what was going on. So I've been watching her ever since with a close eye, reminding her that she's not unsuspected."

Cullen narrowed his brows and straightened his posture, asking seriously, "And why didn't you report _this_?"

"We...did," Kethran told him reluctantly, and his words were earnest. "Joshua told Greagoir, and he didn't believe us because I..."

When Kethran didn't continue immediately, Cullen turned his head a slight bit in scrutiny while watching the man's movements and gestures, waiting for the explanation to come. Finally, Kethran said, "I accused a mage of blood magic wrongly before I came to this Circle, back when I first became a Templar. It's not something I'm proud of, because that accusation caused the death of an entire family, including three young children, at the hands of the _true_ Blood Mage. We didn't manage to capture him in time because I'd acted too brashly and our attention had been preoccupied."

Cullen took that in, thinking of where he'd mentioned Kethran serving before he'd come to the Tower, and he asked, "This was in Kirkwall?"

Kethran nodded, "Yes, at The Gallows in Kirkwall. The Knight Commander there was lenient with me for the incident, but she told me she still had to note it in my reports and that she wasn't certain how other Knight Commanders would look at the incident even though she understood my mistake."

At least he was finally getting somewhere. Why wouldn't Greagoir have looked into it though? It wasn't like the Commander to simply dismiss something of this nature, and Cullen had no idea why he would. Surely Kethran's past mistake wasn't enough to make all of his claims unbelievable. Cullen looked off in thought over the matter, then asked, "What about Joshua? Does he believe you?"

"It took a little persuading that I wasn't lying about what I'd found, but he finally did." Kethran let out a short sigh, then told Cullen, "If the blood hadn't been wiped away, everything would've been fine."

That might've been true, but Cullen had a more pressing concern at hand just then. He needed to know more about how Kethran was handling this situation with Driana. So he asked, "Did you confront her?," remembering what Aislinn had said about Driana accusing Kethran of asking her to strip for him in order to search for wounds.

"No," Kethran shook his helmeted head vigorously, "I would never confront a suspected Blood Mage without someone backing me up at least and the Commander's orders, and no one knew about this until now."

Cullen let out a soft sigh of breath. If anything, he was grateful that he could simply go to Greagoir with this now and he wouldn't have to bring up Aislinn's name like she'd requested of him because he'd heard what Kethran had said to Driana on his own. On the downside, he wasn't completely certain he trusted Kethran to be telling the truth just then either. The part about Greagoir just dismissing the whole story was off, and also, saying that Driana _was_ a blood mage, she could have done anything to Kethran's mind when they'd been alone, and that would have to be remedied. Even if she wasn't, Kethran could be lying to cover up some, as Aislinn had put it, perverse nature of his, using excuses to do whatever he wished to.

"You're not going to go to Greagoir about this, are you?," Kethran asked Cullen during his thinking.

Cullen's senses flared over the question, and he gave Kethran a suspicious gaze. "Why shouldn't I? I would think you might be glad that someone credible who believes you could inform the Commander of all of this."

"He'd take it as me trying to spread rumors about, cause trouble where none is called for," Kethran shot back. "You know what could happen to me for that. Not to mention, I was crude even if it wasn't directly to her. That doesn't have to be mentioned."

Cullen lifted a single brow, ignoring the part about being crude for the moment while asking nonsensically, "Better I should let this go and cause another group of deaths to occur?" Then he shook his head at Kethran, "Greagoir is reasonable, and he will understand if it's as you say. With what Driana said to you, that should be enough to convince him there's some truth to your story. But he _has_ to know of this. I'd rather see as many lives spared as possible than risk it, including the mage's if she's not a real danger."

Kethran was quiet, and Cullen watched as he slowly nodded his head in agreement. Something about the movement seemed a bit off to Cullen, his senses tripping everywhere, and for the first time, Cullen felt as if he might have wanted to watch his back. It was all this talk of Blood Magic making him a bit jumpy, he decided, and asked Kethran, "Very well, would you like to accompany me?"

"I probably shouldn't abandon my post for now. If Greagoir wants me, he knows where to find me."

Cullen didn't respond with words, only gave a brief nod of his head in agreement, then turned to leave the Chantry, keeping his ears alert however as he went. Why he had the feeling he'd just stumbled into something bigger than it seemed to be he still wasn't certain, but he was going to Greagoir with it without delay.

In a year and a half, Cullen could only remember perhaps three cases of suspected blood magic in the Circle Tower of Ferelden, one of them before his time, and only two of those cases had been legitimate. One of them had wound up with an apostate on the Templar's hands, the other a Tranquil mage, so he was really questioning this entire business, very uncertain about Kethran's confessions. In fact, he was half expecting to go to Greagoir only to find out that Kethran had never even been to him about this incident.

It didn't take him long to reach the Knight Commander's chambers, though he found that the door was shut and there were a few Templars outside already. As he approached, one of the men called to him, saying, "Hello Cullen, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Janson," he replied, growing silent until he'd reached the area more closely. Then he asked, "What's going on in the Commander's chambers?"

"Some of the mages just returned from the battle at Ostagar," another Templar replied. "There was some kind of sketchy business going on or something, and Uldred's not pleased. The best I can gather, it has to do with the same old things though, mage's wanting more freedom, and not getting what they think they need, that's all."

They could hear the upraised voices coming from inside the room, though it was really too muffled to understand what was being said. Cullen guessed he'd just have to wait to speak with Greagoir - not that he really minded.

While standing outside in the corridor with the other Templars gathered about, he had the brief mind to ask them why they were all waiting when it suddenly occurred him that Greagoir was handing out new posts for some of the men because newer additions had arrived at the Tower and would be taking up some of the entry level duties, so he didn't make a comment about it.

But he did listen when one of the Templars standing there started talking to another in idle conversation by saying, "That guy is strange."

"Who?," asked another.

"Uldred."

"He's a mage, what did you expect?"

"I mean besides that. He just...talks in a way that," a pause, "I don't know, it sends a chill up my spine sometimes."

"Heh, you haven't been here that long, have you?" Cullen noticed the first looking at the second and shrugging his shoulders over the question, then standing there quietly again. That's when the second added, "I'll tell you what's strange."

"What's that?"

"Kethran."

Cullen's attention to the conversation perked up considerably.

"What about him?"

"Eh, it's probably nothing, but he's been a little jumpy lately. Snappy too. Almost took my head off when I accidentally grabbed one of his books, thinking it was mine, in order to put it away." The Templar shook his head, "Ever since he took duty watching the Chantry, I think he's been so bored it's gotten him grumpy."

The first snorted in amusement, "Maybe you almost took his diary and he has something in it he doesn't want you to see. Secret crush or something." Shrugging, he then added the question, "He hasn't said anything?"

"Nothing except to apologize. He told me the book had some important notes in it about some kind of research he was doing on the abilities of Templars. I don't know. I wasn't paying much attention at that point because I had to get to my post on time and I was running late."

Before the Templar could say anymore, the door suddenly bursted open and Uldred stormed out of Greagoir's chambers before heading down the hallway in a huff without a single word to anyone, or any recognition - not that anyone expected it. The only thing they _did_ happen to catch from Uldred were the angrily spoken words, "This isn't over yet," which caused most of the Templars standing there, Cullen included, to look at each other as if to ask 'what's _this_ guy's problem?'

The first of the two Templars who'd been talking before looked at the other and asked, "Still don't think he's strange?"

Cullen let an inaudible sigh of breath out. Why Uldred had to burst out of the room just then was beyond him, but he thought to maybe ask this Templar about Kethran's behavior lately by himself to see if he could get anything more telling about the situation from him. It wouldn't hurt anyway. But before anyone could do anything at all, Greagoir had walked to the door, groaning out the words, "Senior Enchanters," as if Uldred had just put him in a completely sour mood, and he looked at his men and said, "Sorry to keep you all waiting. Let's get your reassignments going now that that's over with."

The men started moving into the room as Greagoir waited for them, and that was when he noticed Cullen. Looking over at him, he asked, "Cullen, what brings you here? I hope it's good, whatever it is. I've had enough of inane arguments for one evening."

Seeing his Commander's mind set, Cullen decided that now probably wasn't the best time or place for a lengthy discussion, and since there were so many people about, he'd really rather not ask about Kethran where they could all hear him. So instead, he told Greagoir, "I think that perhaps we should speak at a later date, then. I do have an issue which I need to share with you, but I just realized I hadn't fully looked into a particular matter concerning the affair, and it may change my presentation completely, so it might be a bit premature to speak with you over it."

"Is it an important matter?"

"It very easily could be, but I may know more certainly once I check another source."

"Ah, I see," Greagoir nodded, trusting Cullen's judgement as it was usually sound. "In that case, we'll speak of this later. Good evening."

"Good evening, Ser," Cullen replied courteously and then turned to walk away just as Greagoir was heading back into his chambers, telling one of his men not to slouch in a commanding fashion, something Cullen had heard more than once since he'd been serving under Greagoir. But he walked on, considering everything else at hand. Why would Kethran have been snapping at other Templars over a book with research notes on the abilities of Templars in it? Maybe it was nothing, or maybe it was something, a something that all added together in this. Cullen knew that speaking with Greagoir was important, but after what he'd seen with Uldred just then, and the fact that Greagoir had reassignments to issue, it would be a better idea to check other sources first and come back with anything he could glean from them.

He did realize however that he had more questions now than he'd had before though. Had Kethran even really spoken with Greagoir? Was Driana using prayer as a cover for weaving some nasty magic? Or was Kethran mistaken altogether, but still hiding something from everyone else. One of them was definitely up to no good however.

So, in basic terms, Cullen thought, this was all a matter of which of the two of them was the deviously devout one.


	4. Midnight Magic

_IV. Midnight Magic_

Aislinn hadn't heard a word from Cullen about Driana or Kethran for four days. She hoped everything was going alright with the investigation, but she figured she'd hear something soon enough, especially if anything had gone wrong.

The mages who'd gone to Ostagar and survived had returned late in the evening that day, and Aislinn had gone to her room for the night while hearing some rumblings in the hallways about how one of the senior enchanters, Uldred, acted as if he'd seen some terrible things on the battlefield because he was acting more eccentric than usual, which Aislinn didn't doubt. It was the only thing that made her grateful she hadn't gone into battle. But on the other, and bigger hand, she was sad she couldn't have saved more lives in staying at the Circle Tower.

She turned to shut the door to her private Quarters as she considered this, walking across the room, passing the torches on her wall while she reached up behind her neck and began to unclasp the back of her robe at the base of the neck. Once that was done, she tugged the garment up and off, draping it across the back of her vanity chair before settling down in it, wearing only her unmentionables while she went to pull her hair out of the bun she'd braided it into that morning to allow the copper locks to fall down her back in loose waves. Once that was done, she went about brushing the long mane out thoroughly which took her a few minutes because the locks were so long. She'd been considering cutting it lately, but for now, she'd have to simply put up with it.

Aislinn considered herself while she worked on her hair like most women tended to do at the vanity. She honestly didn't think she was a gorgeous woman, but she figured she was pretty enough to perhaps turn a head or two, but she'd always thought she was a bit plain besides that. For this reason, she liked using makeup to dress herself up, and besides, that was always fun to do anyway.

Her skin was pale from the years spent inside of the Tower and out of the sun, thankfully without blemish, and her hair was much darker than it had been when she was a young girl. She wondered if that was due to a lack of sunlight as well. Right now, it was a deep copper color, almost auburn, but when she was younger, it had been closer to the color of amber, and she kind of missed that tone. Maybe she'd be able to find some dyes to spice it up a bit.

Once she was done brushing her hair out, she stood and headed over to her dresser to grab something that she could sleep in. Her laundry was done as usual - she didn't have to do laundry anymore, that was all an apprentice's task - so like always, she found the clothing she'd sent to have washed all nicely folded or hanging neatly in her dresser, and she grabbed a white nightgown that was only decorated with an ornamental pattern along the v cut collar, but nothing special aside from that. The skirt hung down to her upper knees with two very sort slits up each side, and she'd always considered that this particular garment accentuated her curves fairly nicely, not that she'd had anyone to impress with it recently.

Some devious part of her wondered if Cullen would've been impressed, a thought that had her smirking before she considered that even if he was, he'd more than likely run for the hills when he saw her in it. _It's sad that he's so skittish, he could probably make a woman very happy_. Where the sudden thought had come from just then, Aislinn wasn't sure, but she couldn't bring herself to think of any reason why it wouldn't be true.

Aislinn kept her slippers on until she made it to the side of her bed and tugged her blankets back, then pushed them off with her feet and then climbed in, bundling under the covers until they were comfortably wrapped around her in a cocoon. She had the thought that it was cold enough for a fire, but she was too weary to think to get up and start one, and ended up falling asleep before she could even try to motivate herself to do it.

The night was passing silently for the most part, peacefully, a typical night until sometime after midnight when everything changed completely. A loud crash sounded from the hallway outside, followed by a few noises Aislinn had never heard before that she couldn't quite place which had her rising from her pillows without hesitation. Listening quietly, she heard several thuds followed by a distant scream that she _knew_ couldn't be good, whatever it was, and so she shot up out of bed and grabbed her slippers out of nothing more than sheer habit alone developed over years of living in a tower with cold, marble floors. She tugged them on as quickly as possible before attempting to make her way to her door.

Aislinn had barely managed to pull the second slipper on however when the door came crashing open suddenly. The force that caused this to happen were the bodies of three Templars, one of which was already dead - easily told because his head was rolling with gruesome thuds of sound across the floor, before coming to a stop at her feet to settle and stare up at her blankly.

With her jaw completely unhinged, Aislinn let her foot lower back to the same floor slowly, her eyes drifting from the head and to the body it'd been attached to a moment beforehand, and then up a little more to a being that was attacking them and moving into her doorway.

The...thing...couldn't be described as anything short of an abomination, and that was what Aislinn decided that it _had_ to be. She'd never seen one with her own two eyes, had never cared to see what would happen to a mage who gave into the sway of demons and blood magic, but now that she was witnessing it firsthand, her heart had nearly stopped over the hideousness of it. That, and the fact that it had stopped to stare directly at her as if...she didn't even want to know how it was staring at her.

But one of the Templars laying on her floor had moved to attempt to get up, distracting the Abomination's attention, and the creature turned quickly to move in and attack. Something in Aislinn clicked when this happened, and instead of gaping at the scene anymore, she moved toward the monster attacking the Templar swiftly, lifting her hands as she went, her fingers electrifying on the way towards it. As she got about five feet away, and just when the Abomination was about to land a heavy blow to the Templar's currently helmet-less and bleeding head, the blast of lightening Aislinn had created jolted away from her hands and slammed into the monster's mid section, knocking it backwards and out of the door through which it'd entered.

Aislinn didn't stop moving until she'd reached the door, sneering with her efforts as she fired off the wave of electricity into the Abominations body, making it convulse in reaction, before pulling both hands back to end the spell while taking a deep breath. Her fingertips still buzzed with a few shocks, just as the Abomination did while she looked over her handiwork. The creature continued to lay there, unmoving in the middle of the hallway. Seeing this, she turned to the wounded Templar on the floor, leaning down to help him up to his feet. He was a somewhat older man, maybe in his forties somewhere, and he accepted her help without question. The older Templars always seemed a bit more agreeable than the younger ones anyway, or it could have just been the fact that he had a horrible wound on the side of his head preventing him from thinking straight just then.

Seeing the injury and the blood matted in his crop of silvery black hair, Aislinn used her healing magic on him, which took a fair bit of energy on her part because the wound was actually a bad one. He would've more than likely died in a few short minutes without further attack anyway, but the spell Aislinn used had him completely patched up in nearly a fraction of that time.

As the wound closed and faded away, leaving nothing but the blood trails that had seeped from them, he shook his head and glanced down at the woman standing next to him who was trying to help him to stand straight, then turned his gaze rather blankly to the hallway again, still disoriented.

"Can you stand on your own?," Aislinn asked him.

"Yes," he replied with a brief nod, regaining his senses. So Aislinn let go of him and turned to the last Templar on her bedroom floor to check his life signs. But there was no sense in doing that when she saw the injury to his throat. He was dead too.

She had no time to consider that however, or even start trying to wonder about what in the world had just happened. Suddenly, the Templar Aislinn had just saved reached down and took her arm without warning. Everything had finally come back to him, and he pulled her to her feet and turned her around to face him, asking on a demanding tone, "What's going on, mage!"

The sound of his voice shook her, but Aislinn only gave him a narrowed look of confusion and retorted quickly, "Why are you asking me? I just woke up when you three crashed through my door!"

"You _have_ to know something! Abominations are all over the place! This is no random act!"

Just like a typical Templar, Aislinn figured, always thinking that one bad mage spoiled the bunch. He was older and more seasoned, so his words hadn't been as angry as she definitely knew they could've been, but he was still insinuating that she had something to do with the Abomination she herself had just delivered the final blow of death to. She guessed that some habits just died hard.

So in response, she told him, "No, it's not, it's an utterly confusing act that I'm apparently just as lost over as you are. Just because I'm a Mage," she added on as harsh a tone as she could muster and tugged her arm from his hand, "does _not_ mean I know what other Mages are thinking or doing!"

The man seemed to realize that he'd lost his temper just then, taking a deep breath and giving her a nod of his head. "Very well. You'll need to come with me before more of those..._things_...wander this way. Quickly," he added on a commanding tone of voice.

"I'll need a robe first," she told him certainly as she moved away from him, "_then_ I'll go with you." She didn't mean the average robe of a mage, but just one to cover her nightgown because, honestly, time _was_ of the essence like he'd said and she didn't want to linger. Her robe was draped on the hanger by the door like always, and she tugged it on quickly, heading back to the Templar as she worked to tie the garment around herself.

The Templar hadn't completely waited on her, and instead, was glimpsing into the hallway to see if there was any threat present. Spying nothing lurking, he looked back at the woman approaching him and then stepped out of the room with her, giving her a suspicious gaze on the way, though nothing like one of the younger Templars might have. _Save a man's life and this is how he thanks you_, Aislinn thought with a slight roll of her eyes. She sarcastically reminded herself that, next time, she wouldn't save any Templars until she was precisely certain of what was going on. But hell, then she'd probably be blamed for wrongdoing even more quickly if she did things _that_ way.

The two of them headed down the hallway without hesitation, though they were careful not to make much sound at first until they'd reached the stairwell. In seeing that the flight was empty, they took it, heading down through the enclosed corridor that most stairwells in the Tower were located inside of, and on the way, Aislinn asked softly, "All you know is that there are Abominations everywhere?"

"Yes," he replied. "I was simply standing watch with my friend when we were both ambushed. He was killed, and I barely escaped them."

"Where was this?"

"Just upstairs," he told her, and they reached the bottom of the steps where another door that led into the stock room was locate. Quietly, the Templar cracked the door open to see a number of Mages gathered in the large, circular shaped room with several more Templars, all of them looking confused and bewildered, if not a little frightened. The Templars were trying to keep order, so the man Aislinn had traveled with opened the door and stepped into the adjoining room, saying, "Thank the Maker," to one of his fellows. "I thought you might be dead."

Apparently the man he was speaking to was a good friend, and Aislinn decided to just walk past them while the Templar she'd come in with explained what he knew of the situation to the others and join her _kind_, though at that point in time, she wasn't sure _who_ she would have rather stood with considering Abominations were usually what used to be a simple Mage before a demon had twisted him or her beyond recognition - often times with the use of blood magic. So that meant that any Mage in that room could have something to do with this.

"Aislinn!," a man said quickly, moving toward her, and Aislinn realized it was Conley who was speaking her name just then. He looked relieved to see her, and she listened as he continued to say, "We thought you might've become one of them when you weren't down here after the Templars got us together."

"Do you know what's going on?," Aislinn asked the blonde mage. "I was asleep in my chamber and suddenly my door's being broken down with Templars' bodies literally."

"No, we just know that they're everywhere on the upper floors according to the Templars," Conley replied, swiping his fingers through his hair to get it out of his eyes, the other mages standing nearby nodding their heads in agreement. Conley then added, "Irving, Uldred, and Wynne aren't accounted for either. They could all be dead."

One of the other mages in the room stepped forward and backed Conley up, though in more of a frantic fashion, "I saw an Abomination and a mage that killed three of the Templars at once! He _must_ have been using Blood Magic!"

Just like she'd thought, blood magic. "Well, this sounds wonderful," Aislinn said sarcastically. "You'd think a mage who's actually contemplating blood magic might consider trying to run away from the Tower first before giving in, considering the eyes settled on this place."

Conley had snorted when she said the line, and one of the Templars standing not too far away who had blood covering his armor and his blade nearly everywhere said, "I wouldn't joke about this if I were you, mage. At best, half the circle could be lost but still recoverable. At worst, the Knight Commander is going to invoke the Right of Annulment and kill _everyone_ here. With all of the Abominations I saw, I'm leaning towards the _second_ option."

Aislinn stared at the man with incredulity, then looked back at Conley, asking, "It's really _that_ bad? I only saw one on the way here."

"There's a lot more," the Templar informed her before Conley could say a word, "they haven't yet come down from the upper floors as we've managed to bar them off until our forces are organized and we can access things."

"And just _when_ do you think _that_ might be?," Aislinn asked with no lack of command in her own voice. "You're hesitating because of what? You're afraid the mages _here_ are going to turn on you?"

"It's possible," the Templar sneered back at her.

"It's _also_ possible that the longer you wait, the more people are going to _die_. _Both_ Templars and Mages alike."

At that point, Conley had put a hand on Aislinn's shoulder, but Aislinn just wasn't in a good mood. She'd been awoken in nearly the middle of the night to a scream, saved a thankless man from death, and was standing in the middle of a room full of stubborn Templars and mostly scared Mages with nothing but her nightclothes and a robe on. She figured anyone would've at least been indignant.

_At least I grabbed my slippers_, she thought blandly. _Nothing worse than having cold feet_.

"We wait for the Knight Commander," the Templar insisted to her, then looked over all of them and added, "and none of you go _anywhere_ until he shows up."

Aislinn sighed, turning away from the stubborn Templar who was apparently too afraid to act and send more of the Templars standing about the room now to help stop the situation, or too indifferent to it to, and folded her arms over her chest in thought. As she did this, Conley said softly so only she could hear, "This is the last place you really want to anger the Templars, Aislinn. So just try to be calm. I'd rather not experience a Holy Smite."

"I _am_ calm, Conley. I'm just...worried and scared," she replied, "and I tend to get a bit snappy when I'm like that."

"Well, hopefully that'll be a good thing if push comes to shove. We don't need anyone else shivering in a corner, pissing their robes."

Aislinn smiled over the statement, hoping he was right and that this wouldn't get too ugly, but she had a sinking feeling that it would. Oddly enough, her mind didn't go to what she thought it would either. She figured she'd be worried about the Tower or perhaps Irving since he was unaccounted for and she was fond of him and amused by him - he reminded her of her grandfather in a very gruff sort of fashion. She _was_ worried about that too, but her mind had suddenly gone to Cullen with the thought _I wonder if he's still alive_. It was actually a worry, and she wasn't completely certain where it'd come from. _He's a good person, of course you'd be worried about him_. She had to admit that to herself, and didn't feel bad for doing so.

Not to mention that investigation he'd gotten started on at her behest. She hoped that had nothing to do with this at all. Once she'd thought of it, she scanned the mages around to try to locate Driana, but she didn't see the woman anywhere.

Before she could really consider it though, a loud explosion sounded from the floor above them, so loud in fact that it shook the walls and the ceiling, making a few people around them whimper in fear. The Templars had grabbed their weapons however and moved forward as if waiting for something to swoop through the ceiling to come and get them, and just when Aislinn had thought they couldn't get anymore slack in their duties, the one, blood covered Templar spoke.

"Alright, that's it. You three, stay here and bar the doors. The rest come with me. We can't wait any longer."

Under her breath, Aislinn grumbled out, "It's about time," and Conley tried not to smirk over it, agreeing with her in that these particular Templars were apparently not the best the Circle Tower had to offer.

They were currently on the floor where the stock room was kept, one of the Tranquil Mages named Owain who ran that part of the area standing there acting as if absolutely nothing was going on while the Templars leaving had flooded through the door, and it honestly made Aislinn feel uneasy.

Especially when he said, "I wonder if everyone will be able to return to their rooms soon. It's hard to keep the stock room clean with everyone here," on a voice that was completely deadpan.

Aislinn and Conley exchanged a sideways glance over the Tranquil mage who had absolutely no emotional reaction to offer to what was going on around them at all which was a good bit creepy before looking ahead again, and they'd both decided not to even try answering his question. They couldn't anyway because a loud boom sounded from the stairwell nearly as soon as he'd spoken which got their complete attention, the Templars who'd currently barred the door leading into the stairwell becoming alert. They poised themselves just incase something managed to break through, and the mages in the room all grew tense, either readying themselves for a fight, or the less seasoned ones backing off, looking to run.

Among them, Aislinn noticed the Senior Enchanter Leorah, a blonde Elf who hadn't been a Senior Enchanter that long, and a mage Aislinn had met before named Niall who looked much less ready to fight than Leorah did, both of them standing there waiting for..._something_ to happen...along with everyone else. She turned her attention back to the door, waiting as well. Whatever came through it, she wouldn't let herself get caught off guard. _I just wish I had my staff damn it all_.

A loud crash then sounded against the door, followed by some yelling on the other side. Apparently a fight was taking place inside the stairwell, lines such as, "Get back, Demon!," coming out loudly enough to hear clearly. This was followed by a cry of anguish, and that by some kind of demonic snarling which made everyone uneasy. The air in the room Aislinn was standing in seemed to grow thick enough to cut just afterwards. She and Conley both watched their surroundings when, without any warning, Shades began to form within the room where they were standing, and headed for the door the Templars were barring.

"Stop them!," a female mage with a little good sense yelled from the crowd, and Conley was the first to move, using fire magic to send an inferno into one of the Shades before it could reach an unaware Templar. Aislinn had been just about to cast a warding spell of her own to stop the Shades in their tracks momentarily when a movement behind her caught her attention.

One of the Mages in the group she was standing in had turned and slapped the woman who'd yelled for the Shades to be stopped right across the face, backhanding her hard enough to send her falling down onto the floor.

"Shut up, treacherous bitch! Do you _really_ want the Templars to win!"

Aislinn stared at the mage who'd done this and noticed that his hand was bleeding. He'd summoned the Shades himself, had waited until just the right time to do it while hiding amongst the mages who'd been gathered into the stockroom so far. Instead of call him out on it and draw his attention to her however, Aislinn used his unwittingness to her advantage and cast a barrier spell to stop him from doing further damage. Because he'd had his back turned, he hadn't been able to defend himself, and once he was frozen into place temporarily, Leorah invoked a warding spell around him that was stronger than the barrier to keep him contained when Aislinn's spell had worn off.

Aislinn turned and hurried over to the downed woman he'd slapped to help her up to her feet, seeing that she was fine just when the sound of the door crashing open was heard.

Apparently, things were about to get heavily complicated.

More shades were on the other side of the door along with some Abominations, flooding into the room and attacking whomever they could find. Magic burst to life as this happened, the mages in the room defending themselves, while the Templars coming from the floor above all moved in behind their foes - those who'd survived anyway - many covered in blood, but unhurt, tearing blades through the summoned creatures and slamming shields into their bodies. For a brief moment while Shade and Abomination were torn down by Mage and Templar hands alike, there was a union between the two forces that was seldom to be witnessed while defending the Circle Tower.

Shades fell to the ground, more Abominations moved in behind the Templars who'd killed the Shades, and the fight continued. Aislinn made sure to keep a good distance, using her magics to keep the Templars and Mages both healed if she could since more defense was needed in this situation, standing near to Leorah, who was using powerful offensive magics to attack the creatures. She, luckily, had her staff, an item that would have helped Aislinn to focus much better just then, but she made due.

While casting a healing spell on one of the Templars who'd just been knocked over with a burst of blue light enveloping his body, Aislinn saw a mage falling to the floor after he was jumped from behind. She would have reacted to the situation, but she heard another sound behind herself and looked back as a Shade was trying to ambush her, reacting by reaching to pinch the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. As she did this, she sent a blast of telekinetic energy from her mind to knock the creature back and into a daze, which would allow her escape.

Leorah was grateful for the quick act as she hadn't seen the Shade when Aislinn had, and she grabbed Aislinn's hand to help her get away from the monster more quickly so that hopefully, when it came to, it would find someone more sturdy like a Templar to physically pick on until it could be taken down.

Screams began to fill the chamber, and Aislinn realized as she came to a stop with Leorah standing next to her that three more mages had come into the room - and they were apparently reinforcing the actions of the monsters with blood magic. It was at this time that she heard the voice of a man standing nearby, saying to Leorah, "We need to get the Litany of Andralla! Otherwise we're all doomed!"

"Niall, wait! We need help!," Leorah called back to him.

But Niall wasn't listening to her. Instead, he was risking things by slipping in and out of the fighting until he could make it to the stairs, and actually managed to disappear through the doors. Aislinn watched him until he'd escaped the room after she'd cast a rejuvenation spell on a Templar who was being triple-teamed by two Shades and an Abomination when she'd noticed her friend, Conley, being knocked back by another one of those same creatures. Before Aislinn could offer any aid whatsoever, the floor beneath her feet began to change in color, and behind both herself and Leorah, a Rage Demon sprung up from seemingly no where, knocking the two women forward with ease.

The strength of the blow cause Aislinn to slide across the floor after she'd hit it fairly hard, and she ended up slamming right into the wall head first. The blow to her crown made a light seem to flash before her eyes, her body ending up laying in the corner of an alcove, not completely out of sight from everyone else, but concealed enough that she was overlooked where she lay. She felt a warm trickle working its way down the side of her face just a moment later, and realized she was bleeding from a gash in her temple. She'd been knocked into too much of a daze to react however.

Her vision grew blurry, and she tried to force her eyes open, in case something came her way, but she wasn't sure if she did or not. She just hoped that, whatever might've found her, it would kill her quickly. She did _not_ want to turn into one of those horrible creatures before she died. If the Maker had any mercy in him at all, which she sometimes questioned, it wouldn't happen.

It was the last thought she had before she blacked out.


	5. Under My Spell

_V. Under My Spell_

The screams continued, an issue to the mages given which was to 'join us or die', but Aislinn couldn't wrap her head around what was going on. Had things calmed down finally? Were the blood mages winning, or had the Templars? Was she dreaming the screams and chaos she'd heard? She wasn't sure, she only knew that it had grown quiet when she finally managed to move more than a few inches and push herself up from the floor with a low groan. Reality was coming back slowly but surely, and so was her worries about what had happened while she'd been unconscious.

But she was moving, and her hands, from what she could see, appeared to be normal, so thankfully she hadn't turned into an Abomination somehow.

"Ser! I've found a survivor!"

Aislinn barely had time to register what was going on after those words were spoken before she was pulled to her feet, immediately becoming dizzy in the process while looking up to see the unmistakable blood spattered helmet of a Templar staring down at her as he demanded, "Are you one of them!"

She flinched, then asked, "Them who? A mage? Yes."

"You know what I mean!"

Aislinn finally managed to see that whatever had happened after she'd blacked out, it hadn't been their victory. Dead Templars - and some Mages - were littering the floor, so she knew it had been a defeat, at least, so far. She turned her stormy grey eyes back up to the man interrogating her in a confused fashion, her head throbbing painfully and her legs feeling like rubber, but she dared not try to use any of her magic to heal herself, otherwise the Templar might grow extremely suspicious. She couldn't focus well enough at that precise moment to try it anyway, simply too dizzy to. All she wanted to do was fall into a soft, warm bed and sleep the rest of the night away until morning, then wake up to realize that none of this nightmare had ever happened.

So when the Templar told her to, "Answer me!," she let a groan and tried to pull away unsuccessfully from him. His yelling had only made her headache worse, but thankfully, she heard another voice commanding him to back down sternly.

"That's enough, Emin!"

Cullen had issued the warning while heading towards them both after walking in from checking the hallway outside with another man. He'd heard Emin saying he'd found a survivor and they both entered the room again where Cullen saw Emin holding onto Aislinn while questioning her demandingly despite the blood staining the side of her face. When this had all started, Cullen had been in the Templar's barracks and was called out immediately, and the attacks had laid several of his friends to waste before the Templars that were left stopped the threat.

He was with a small party of five Templars now, and they'd come to the store room where several of the Tranquil mages had usually spent their time to find more of their dead comrades, and most of the Templars were highly up in arms about all of this, so Emin's reaction to Aislinn didn't completely surprise Cullen. Still, he walked over and grabbed Emin's arm to get him to back down before he got even more out of line with her.

Cullen was the highest ranking Knight in the room, so as he got Emin to back off, he ordered the man by saying, "Go help the others. I'll handle this."

Emin had let Aislinn go and gave Cullen a respectful nod of his head, and once he'd walked away, Cullen turned and looked down to see that Aislinn was gingerly prodding at her temple where there was a gash, hissing over how tender it was. Despite the wound, seeing her alive was an immense relief to him, one which he tried his best to ignore for the moment.

Still, he asked her, "Are you alright?," with more concern in his voice than he'd meant to have.

"Shouldn't you be busy blustering about all of the dead Templars?," she asked him in return before she remembered that Cullen wasn't quite like the other Templars. She sighed at herself when she remembered that and apologized to him immediately, "I'm sorry, Cullen, yes, I'm fine, just dizzy." Clearing her throat, she then added, "I was knocked unconscious in the fight, and I'm taking it the blood mages are getting control of the Tower now."

"So far, yes, we think being led by Uldred. They've summoned all manner of demon and flooded the upper levels with them," Cullen explained, adding, "but we've diligently been holding them off on those levels, trying to keep the infestation contained. What's left of the Mages have been sent to the Library for now. You should probably join them."

Aislinn had finally looked up at Cullen and noticed that he'd seen some fighting himself because he had blood spatters on his armor and face. She wanted to ask him if he was alright, but if he hadn't been, he likely wouldn't be walking. She also hadn't been quite prepared for just how relieved she was to see is face in all of this. Trying to ignore that for the time being, she finally replied by suggesting, "I'm a healer. I could help here first if there's need for it."

Cullen hated to deny her help, and wasn't going to, but he had to remind her, "I'm not certain they'd be too receptive of that right now, not with everything going on."

Aislinn took in a deep breath for patience, informing Cullen, "Well, they can rest assured that the assistance is one hundred percent free of blood and demons and will continue to remain as such for as long as I'm drawing breath of my own accord." She then looked over at the injured they'd found in the room along with her, and turned to walk in that direction a few steps, gently pulling away from Cullen while trying to keep her gait as steady as possible with each step she took. After all, her legs still felt like rubber beneath her, and she knew she'd wobbled when she felt Cullen taking her arm again to steady her.

"I'm not certain you're–," Cullen started, but she interrupted him.

"I'm fine, or I will be once I can get this going." Aislinn patted his hand on her arm just for a little extra reassurance and then drew her arm away from him slowly, continuing to move toward the injured that some of the Templars in the room were trying to bandage on their own.

As she went, Emin, who'd heard this, walked over to Cullen and asked him, "Do you really think this is a good idea? Look what they've done, we can't trust any mage right now!"

"Calm down, Emin, I think it's apparent she was hurt trying to defend us with the rest of the dead mages in here when the attack occurred," Cullen reminded the Templar softly. "We'd be foolish not to accept help for the injured and increase our capabilities for handling this situation."

As Cullen spoke those words, Aislinn had closed her eyes and summoned up all of the energy she could muster in her current state of being to heal everyone about her - including herself - with a low swept wave of her hands. The blue light it evoked washed over all of those in need, taking care of the smaller injuries more quickly, and the bigger ones faded over a slight bit more time, before the blue glow of magic faded away in a wash of light. Upon reopening her eyes, she reached up and touched the side of her head again, feeling the tenderness fading away completely before nodding in approval at her own good work, glad she'd given the Templars here another chance to get this problem taken care of again.

She then turned and came to a stop when she noticed that in the opposing corner of the room, there were quite a few bodies strewn about - including body parts. Some were mages, but most were Templars, and a stone of grief hit the pit of her stomach as she took the sight in, humbling herself before it and offering a few quick words in her head to the Maker even though she wasn't the religious type because she knew several of these people were.

Whoever was behind this - Uldred or some other person - they had to be stopped. Aislinn kept remembering the words 'Right of Annulment', wondering if the point of this was just to get _everyone_ killed.

Cullen had noticed where her line of sight had gone, and he stepped in the way to block the images on purpose, making her look up at him instead as he said, "Lady Aislinn, please, come with me now."

"Was I the only mage to survive this without...abduction?," she asked instead of being sheltered from the truth, needing to know the answer to that question, giving him a serious look that told of that fact.

Seeing that she wasn't going to let it go without an answer, he nodded, "In this particular chamber, yes."

Aislinn released a breath that she seemed to use to try to steady herself and her emotions, then nodded at him. "I'm lucky then. They must have overlooked me completely, thought I was dead laying there. I'll have to put that luck to good use." Getting her thoughts right about everything, she finally looked back up at Cullen and apologized by saying, "I'm sorry, you wanted me to go to the Library with the others?"

"Yes," he replied, "if you would please come with me."

Aislinn turned to do just that, but she asked as she moved, "Don't you need to stay here?"

"I'd rather not risk letting you go alone in this situation. We've lost enough mages as it is. Anymore and the Circle _will_ be lost, Right of Annulment or not. So you need one of us to escort you in order to ensure no unknown corruption occurs on the way there." Cullen didn't want to admit that also, he didn't trust any other Templar to take her safely to the Library just then either because of how they were all up in arms over their lost comrades - not that he _wasn't_, but Aislinn had nothing to do with this. She was just as much a victim as they were.

Thankfully, she didn't question it further, only walked along with him to the door. Once they'd gotten into the hallway, moving in silence for the first few moments, Cullen considered her state of dress and supposed she'd been asleep when all of the trouble had started, briefly wondering what her own night might've been like. She'd probably been rushed from her room without the time to even dress properly, and he felt badly for that. It was a cold night, after all, and her lower legs were showing, a sight he diligently kept his eyes from less he forget his purpose.

But considering the situation and the severity of what lengths the mages in the Tower were going to now, he didn't find that hard to do at all in that moment.

It was a thankful distraction still when Aislinn asked, "Do you think this had anything to do with Driana? I haven't seen her." That had been a major concern on her part.

When she didn't get an immediate response from Cullen, she looked up to see him hesitating. Dread clutched in her gut until he finally told her what she wanted to know. "Driana is dead. I saw her fall not long after the Abominations first began attacking. A Templar killed her for utilizing blood magic. However," he finally looked at Aislinn and added, "I don't know if it's related to the story you gave me completely or not."

She let a little sigh out, taking him at his word when he said he didn't know if the issues were connected. She felt he might have tried to shield her from any harsh truths, but the way he'd spoken just didn't say he'd been dishonest at all. So Aislinn believed him, and only mentioned, "Then I suppose she was lying about Ser Kethran after all."

"Maybe," Cullen replied without giving further explanation on anything he'd learned about Kethran in particular during the last few days. As they drew closer to the doors leading into the stairwell, passing a few other doors on the way there, Cullen changed the subject entirely because of the things weighing on his mind. "Whether she had anything to do with this however, someone has to breach the upper levels soon or I fear Greagoir will call for the Right."

"I know," Aislinn replied, then asked him, "is that where everything is coming from? Where all of this originated?"

"From the upper floors, yes. The Harrowing Chamber in specific. It's been completely sealed off with powerful magic that we've been unable to dispel. Uldred, Irving, and a few others are still unaccounted for." Once he'd stopped speaking, she noticed he seemed to go a bit tense, and as soon as he noticed it, she heard a sound from behind them at the same time denoting why. The both of them stopped in their tracks simultaneously in order to look back down the hallway behind themselves.

It sounded like whisperings, and a door suddenly bursted open with Shades emerging from a chamber behind them along with four blood mages who'd apparently been hiding out, waiting for some unsuspecting Templars to pass by that they could attempt to take down in an ambush.

Cullen drew his weapon to the ready without hesitation, but even he knew that five shades and four blood mages would be a bit too much for the two of them to handle alone. So instead of turning to retreat downstairs - the Library being the only place so far that Abominations and demons hadn't been seen yet - he reached for Aislinn with his free hand and tugged her toward the opposing chamber door across from the one that led into the stairwell, telling her, "This way."

Aislinn knew what he was doing, she didn't have to ask, turning to head in the direction he'd prompted quickly and in being closest, grabbed the door to open it. As he came in behind her while she held it open for him, one of the Shades grabbed Cullen's arm in a tight grip, the arm he held his sword in, which left the weapon useless for the moment.

In response, Cullen tightened the fist of his free arm and turned, slamming it with as much force as he could muster into the side of the Shade's head before rearing back and repeating the action, then lifted his foot and kicked it forward. The force of the blows made the creature effectively loosen and then release its grip on his arm. Once it had reared back momentarily, Cullen didn't linger to finish it off because the others were getting closer, and instead he moved quickly inside of the chamber and allowed Aislinn to slam the door shut behind them.

Following that movement, Cullen turned to press against the door with Aislinn as it began shaking with the force of pounding from the other side. To top it off, they kept grabbing the knob which didn't have a lock and tried to turn it.

"This isn't going to work!," Cullen grunted out as they both continued pushing against the door.

Aislinn knew he was right, and so she reached for the knob and grabbed it, then used her magic to heat it up. The hotter the knob got, the more it began to melt, until it was jammed and wouldn't turn at all, effectively sealing it from the inside for the time being.

"There," she breathed out, backing away from the door, "that should keep them out for a while without any magic to be dispelled."

There was a chance that the blood mages would be able to counter any spell Aislinn cast with their strengthened magic, so she wanted to make sure they couldn't by simply altering the physical state of the door from the inside. It would take breaking the knob completely to get back out again, but that wouldn't be hard to do.

The door continued to shake for a few moments afterwards as the Shades were apparently trying to break it open while Cullen and Aislinn both watched, but it finally stopped after several moments.

Aislinn looked over at Cullen when everything grew quiet again as he muttered out angrily, "They haven't given up, simply gone back into hiding for the next unsuspecting victims of their blighted magic."

Aislinn agreed with that, and she looked back into the room in the meantime to see where they'd ended up, which was really nothing more than a storage room with a single window in the back that wasn't big enough for anyone to fit through, and no doors that led out except for the one they'd just jammed shut for the moment.

So she sighed and stated the obvious, "Yes, and we're trapped."

Cullen looked back to see what she meant, and when he noticed that they'd chosen a storage room of all things, he let out a sigh of frustration. "They won't be content to wait for us for long either."

Aislinn went rummaging through some of the things in the room to see what might be about as he mentioned that, and she found the simple staff of an apprentice, plucking it up while muttering out, "This will have to do for now," before she turned around to look at Cullen again who was definitely not happy with the situation. In response to his statement, she told him, "Oh, I think their arrogance will buy us some time. If they're stupid enough to use blood magic, then they're of course stupid enough to overestimate their abilities to some degree and think they can afford to allow us to stay locked in here for a little while. Long enough for us to come up with some kind of means for escape into the library anyway."

He thought about that, deciding to say, "You might be right. But the two of us against four of them and their blighted pets aren't good odds, even if I dispel their abilities. That would only silence your own magic, and we'd need it here."

"I know," Aislinn nodded, understanding his meaning. While a mage had the ability to pick and choose the targets of it's magic, a Templar's abilities were an area of effect type, which was why the two groups didn't often fight together, or if they did, why the mages stayed a good reach away from a battle if they could - saying, that was, that their enemies were mages as well, otherwise the Templars abilities were mostly useless and there would be no need.

So, if Cullen were to invoke a Holy Smite on the mages outside of the door, Aislinn's energy would also be muted for a while. It _could_ work - four mages with probably little physical fighting ability wouldn't stand up to even a single Templar for long. But if the timing was off and one of the mages managed to summon more Shades, or if the Shades were still out there, it would be a disaster.

It seemed like it was time to get creative, Aislinn thought to herself. "Four blood mages, one Templar, and an ordinary mage," she mused aloud, trying to think of a way to fight out of this situation. Then she snorted, "It almost sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. Four blood mages walk into a tavern, or however such a story might go," she snorted.

"This is no time for jests," Cullen pointed out seriously.

Aislinn had gone a bit blank in expression, having gone off in thought about potential stories, and she looked at Cullen suddenly and lifted a single brow, saying, "No, but it gives me an idea."

Cullen looked at her curiously in response, asking, "What's that?"

"Well," she started, and gave him an explanation of the plan she'd thought up while considering her little joke, which Cullen was thinking might've been too risky, but it was definitely the best shot they had at making it out of there in one piece without having to face a very unfair fight.

Even still, he absolutely couldn't help but consider that the plan was extremely ironic considering the situation. With some disbelief, he asked her, "This all came to you just now?"

"What?," Aislinn asked in response. "Too random?"

"Something like that." He shook his head and let out a sigh of breath, adding, "Let's just get it over with."

Only a few moments later, the door to the storage room opened after Aislinn had broken the knob off, rendering the door completely worthless now, and walked out into the hallway confidently, a devious smile on her face. The same four blood mages were still there, minus the shades however, and they took defensive stances at first but hesitated when Aislinn took to the role she had to play quickly and looked into the storage room she'd ducked into with Cullen before.

"Come along," she said on a sweet voice, and she walked toward the mages who were eyeing her, and then eyeing the Templar who came trailing out of the room behind her suspiciously.

"What's this?," one of the women standing there asked as she turned to face them completely.

As Aislinn got a little bit closer, she said, "I hope the four of you don't mind if I infiltrate the Library now, see what the story down there is, do you? I have this one under enchantment, so it'll be perfectly easy for me to do."

Cullen stayed quiet, pretending to be under some kind of enchantment spell which Aislinn had supposedly cast on him with blood magic so she could pretend to be one of them in order to slip past the threat with ease and into the Library. Cullen stared off into space as blankly as he could when the four mages looked at him and then back at Aislinn again, one of them asking, "Uldred told us to watch and wait for someone to come up from the Library, not barge down there and interrupt."

So, Uldred _was_ behind this, Aislinn thought to herself, but she just smiled despite the implication of the woman's words and nodded at her, "I know, but it's been too long with nothing happening. He figured having one of us ushered down there under the guise of being saved would be a good way to find out if things are going as planned or not, keep the ball rolling as it were."

After Aislinn informed them of that well crafted lie - a lie that Cullen was surprised she could muster so quickly - came the suspicious question, "If that's the case, then why didn't you just explain so to begin with? Why'd you duck into that room?"

Aislinn rolled her eyes at the woman and replied, "For one, I don't _have_ to explain myself to you as _if_ you'd given me a chance to before you'd jumped me anyway, and for another, I hadn't yet gotten this Templar _completely_ under my spell. I was still working on him when I was so rudely interrupted. Now that I've had time to finish though, as you can see," she turned around and said to Cullen, "stand on one leg."

Cullen complied without hesitation, feeling like a fool but he figured he felt like a fool around Aislinn most times anyway so now was no different. Once his foot was off the floor, Aislinn looked back at the mages, adding to her previous statement, "I've done that now." She gave them all a proud look while they just grinned and chuckled.

"I still haven't learned how to enchant that way," one of the mages said. "You'll have to show us how to."

"I would _love_ to order those Templars around like this constantly," another added.

Cullen wished he could roll his eyes just then. Or grab his sword and use it, either way.

"It's handy," Aislinn agreed, thinking that in her case it'd taken a Templar who was willing to act, but she didn't mention that of course. She then looked back at Cullen who was still on one leg, blinking over the sight of it. "Oh right, you can put your leg back down."

Cullen did just that without question while the mages snickered softly. _Maker, hurry up with this, Aislinn!_

Thankfully, the next line their leader spoke was, "I apologize for the interruption then. We'll make sure no one else goes down there who isn't supposed to until you arrive with news."

Aislinn smiled deviously at the woman and nodded before turning around and saying to Cullen, "Come on, we've much to do."

"Yes, Mistress," Cullen replied on a deadpan tone - not a difficult feat when you'd heard the Tranquil mages speaking so often - and he went to follow her to the stairwell, staying a few feet behind her constantly as if completely subservient. As they made it into the stairwell, and down the steps a good ways, Aislinn looked back to see that Cullen was being his normal self again - the look on his face was completely distasteful - while moving along ahead of her.

Aislinn let him pass while she said while they went, "Uldred must have been planning this for a _long time_ now." With a sigh, moving along down the stairs, she added, "Tricking this many mages into using blood magic doesn't happen overnight."

"I agree, and I'm worried about what those mages said, that they were to wait and see what came up from the Library, which means _someone_ down there is working with him already," Cullen replied, and reached for the knob of the door at the landing when they got to it, pushing it open slowly.

When it wouldn't open straight away however, and he had to give it some effort, Aislinn narrowed her brows over her eyes and asked him, "What's wrong?"

"Something's against the door," he said, moving to step through what he'd managed to get open of it while Aislinn watched as he peered around to the other side. She had no clue what he saw, but his face became grim as he breathed out, "Oh Maker...no..."

"What is it?"

On the other side of the door was a dead Templar laying on the steps who'd apparently died trying to escape something bad, books laying across the floor, the library mostly in disarray from what he could see. Cullen didn't explain the sight to Aislinn, simply walked into the room as she followed, coming to stand near the downed Templar while sighing out the name, "Janson."

As Aislinn got into the room and saw the man laying dead on the floor, she let a groan out softly before telling Cullen, "It's everywhere now. Just like those mages told us."

Cullen had knelt down as she spoke, and he reached over to shut the eyes of the young Templar he knew fairly well who'd died trying to escape his attackers apparently, saying softly to the lifeless young man, "May you find your place at the Maker's side, my friend," offering a short prayer. Once he'd finished, he rose back up and stared down at Janson remorsefully. Janson was young, a new recruit into the Order, and he didn't deserve this. None of them deserved this, and Cullen wanted to make every mage pay who'd brought this down on their heads.

Finally, he replied to Aislinn's comment by saying, "Yes, it's looking more and more as if no mage can be trusted anymore." Somehow, it hurt Aislinn to hear him saying that, and she glanced down at the floor, trying to think of a response. But before she could, he looked over at her and added, "Except for you."

Somehow, she felt flattered by that, and Aislinn wanted to comment, but she decided that now definitely wasn't the time. Instead, she just said, "I'm glad you think so, but now what? The Library isn't safe anymore, and who knows what's laying in wait around the corner."

"I'll have to go back and get the men down here. But those mages are still up there. They'll know if we return that something's amiss."

"No, going back is out of the question," Aislinn nodded in agreement. "But we can't stay here either. Not alone."

There really was only one way to go, and Cullen told her, "We'll have to see for ourselves, and hope whatever we find isn't something we can't handle. There's still a chance _someone's_ survived, and that's important."

When he said that, Aislinn looked ahead, knowing he was right because they already knew what lay behind them, so going forward was the only option. She walked the rest of the way down the steps and into the room with the thoughts in mind, pulling the staff she'd snagged from the storage room off of her back on the way. Candles flickered against the walls in the room, but most were burnt out, offering a dim lighting in yellow tones against the granite walls that wasn't powerful enough to warm the stark cold chill of death in the air surrounding them both.

With every step they took, Aislinn knew they would make it to the corridor and into the main part of the library only to be ambushed by Abominations. Whatever had happened before though, it was very recent, because the scent of blood still hung heavy in the air. But they came to a stop when they heard chanting coming from around the corner just ahead of themselves, apparently a ritual of some type being performed. As they stopped at the corner, Cullen slowly turned and looked around the wall to see mages and Abominations in said ritual, watching one of the mages being transformed, and Aislinn managed to peak her head past the Templar she was with to witness it as well.

Once the images her eyes gave her told her what was going on, she turned and pressed her back against the wall quickly, not afraid of the monsters in specific, but afraid of becoming one as these mages were becoming.

Aside from that, Cullen noticed that there were Templars in the room with them as well, but apparently, they'd been enchanted, turned under the spell of a desire demon present with them. Cullen stood back when he saw this and then looked at Aislinn, seeing that she was a bit startled by it all, clutching her staff in her hands tightly. Her face was a mixture of sorrow and determination, and when he put a hand on her shoulder, she tensed and looked up at him.

Whatever he'd been about to say to her, he was interrupted. When Aislinn looked up at him, she noticed movement, and glanced to the side to see that an Abomination had come wandering their way. It looked up and saw them, then began heading toward them quickly without question. Being that it was behind Cullen, he didn't see it right away, so Aislinn said, "Cullen, watch out!"

He turned around quickly to meet the threat she'd just warned him of, and as he did, the monster had already reached a large hand out and grabbed him by the throat, lifting him from the floor with what looked like all the grace of ease. Aislinn tried to intervene but a quick swipe of the Abominations free arm easily knocked her to the side and into the bookshelf where she stumbled onto the floor.

Cullen sputtered for breath as he was raised into midair, grasping the monster's wrist with one hand while lifting an arm to his blade with the other. Just as the monster was about to lift its opposing arm after knocking Aislinn over and attack Cullen, Cullen grasped and tugged his sword from his back and then slung it to the side, slicing through the Abomination's neck with ease before falling to the floor again along with the creature's body, which toppled over on top of him while he tried to catch his breath.

Grunting with a little effort, then pushing the creature off of him, he looked up to notice that Aislinn had gotten back up and was preoccupied with casting a spell, an ice spell that had a gust of frost blowing forth from her free hand to freeze three more of the creatures that had come their way before they could reach the area. The small corridor they were standing in which lead into the main room of the Library seemed to be a good defense for Aislinn and Cullen as there was no way in for more than a few monsters at a time. Of course, they were only safe unless someone came down the stairs from behind them, but with what those blood mages had said, they were waiting for someone to come up, so for the moment, they were fine.

Cullen took advantage of the spell Aislinn had cast before it broke away and stood up, turning to swing his blade at the first Abomination which ended up shattering to frozen pieces under the blow. The other two were a bit further out however, but Aislinn was using her staff to attack from a distance, bursts of energy flying out of the magical weapon as she slung the bottom of it up from the floor, slamming a blast of energy into one of her currently frozen enemies to deal more damage to it before she turned and drew both of her hands together to follow up her cold spell with a shock of electricity.

Without wasting any time, she turned and threw her hands out, sending bolts careening into both of the creatures. The ice they'd become incased in shattered away from their bodies, and they both jolted under the magical electrocution, one of them toppling to the side while the other fell to a knee.

The vulnerable stance caused it to lose its' head to Cullen's sword as the Templar moved in and took advantage, decapitating it with a deft strike before spinning around and stabbing his blade into the second one with a harsh jab before the creature could regain its bearings. But of course, more were already heading toward them by that time, including Shades and the enchanted Templars, which was a much worse and unfair fight than the one they'd faced upstairs.

Quickly, Aislinn grabbed Cullen's arm and tugged, saying, "Come on, I have a plan."

Cullen decided to listen to her in that moment since her plans seemed to be fairly clever, and he turned to head back toward the stairwell with her, stopping only once to grab the side of a book shelf in passing it. With a grunt of force and a good amount of strength, he pushed the shelf over to buy them both some time. The shelf didn't fall completely because of the small corridor it was located in propped the upper half of it up at an angle, but the books went flooding the floor, giving their enemies something to climb over before they could reach him or Aislinn.

She'd looked back when she heard the crashing while reopening the door to the stairs. As she did, she spotted Cullen moving toward her from the shelf he'd knocked over, glad he'd done so. As he passed her, she'd briefly wondered about casting a fire spell in the corridor to cause their enemies further damage when she suddenly felt Cullen grabbing her wrist and tugging her along behind himself. The sudden jolt made her gasp, but she began moving regardless.

"What's your plan?," he asked on the way up the steps.

"Pretend the Templars got the upper hand in the Library," she rushed out back to him. "You know, we're retreating from attack literally, just...from Templars, and not demons controlling Templars."

Cullen might have argued that it was a bad idea because they were just leading more monsters upstairs, but it was a spur of the moment plan for one, they didn't have much of a choice for another, and lastly, there would be reinforcements waiting for them in the stock room, so he didn't complain. Instead, he got to the door on the upper level with her and simply pushed it open, deciding that fast and frantic would be more convincing regardless of if they believed he was under her spell or not.

The doors were flung open and the blood mages turned around to see Aislinn and Cullen in full sprint. To the blood mages, Aislinn called, "Hide! Templars arrived from across the lake and got the upper hand! They're on the way up right now! They're initiating the Right of Annulment!"

"Damn!," one of the mages yelled as Aislinn and Cullen simply ran right past them and continued going even though the same one called out, "Wait! You can help us!"

Neither Cullen nor Aislinn stopped running or looked back, only disappeared around the corner as fast as they could go. As soon as they'd made it back to the chamber where the other Templars were waiting, Cullen rounded the corner into the room to find it...

Empty.

Aislinn literally slid to a stop across the marble floor and bumped right into Cullen who barely budged in reaction, looking around the room frantically before she asked quietly and breathlessly, "Where are they?"

Cullen shook his head, uncertain he wanted to answer that question, and neither did Aislinn when she saw one of the Templars, Emin, on the floor dead. Figuring out they must have been attacked, Cullen and Aislinn both heard a few shouts down the hallway, and knew they didn't have the time to piece together any puzzles just then.

Instead, Cullen reached over and took Aislinn's hand, saying, "No time to look for them right now, come on."

Aislinn didn't question it, only went along with him as the mages they'd tricked came running down the hallway with the mob Cullen and Aislinn had attracted earlier just behind them, almost literally right on their heels.

But by the time their enemies arrived in the stockroom, their quarry was nowhere to be found.


	6. Trust and Gratitude

_VI. Trust and Gratitude_

Abominations walked the corridors while Cullen and Aislinn hid inside a chamber that was used as a private study. The Templar's barracks weren't too far from where they were, a thought that had passed Cullen's mind as he'd entered the chamber with Aislinn, which gave him an idea. As far as Cullen knew, reinforcements had yet to be sent for. There were more barracks located on the shore of Lake Calenhad where Templars were located, and they needed the back up. Cullen's idea was to use an exit in the Templar's barracks inside the Tower in order to escape it unnoticed and send for aid because he wasn't even certain the Knight Commander was still alive.

Getting to the secret exit would be the tricky part. After all, that exit was secret from most mages save the First Enchanter for basic security reasons, and if one of the blood mages found out about it, it could lessen a chance that returning forces could sneak in and get the upper hand. So for now, as they both heard movement outside of the locked door to the room they were currently sheltered in, a chamber with a desk, several bookshelves, and a few chairs contained within, he stood there diligently listening for everything to quiet down outside.

Aislinn was being silent herself, settled in one of the chairs across from him near the center of the chamber, resting and regaining her strength. It had been a trying night for the both of them, and the more time they spent in that room, secluded from danger, the better they felt physically, but the more they both felt useless, helpless, and doomed. Still, it was suicide to run out at that time and try to regroup with anyone when it wasn't even certain where the groups were, so this was the smartest move on their part.

Cullen looked over at Aislinn while she sat with her back facing him once he'd gotten his thoughts a little more clear, wondering what the chances of being stuck alone amidst Abominations and demons alike with her now were. He wanted to tell her just how glad he was that she'd survived, that she hadn't been corrupted, but he couldn't think of a way to say those things that wouldn't sound incredibly, well, inappropriate - especially considering the situation at hand. The biggest reason for that, however, was that he would probably say that if there was one mage out of all of this that he'd want to save, it would be her, and that just wasn't an option for him.

But it was the truth, Maker help him. He'd rather see her survive this than anyone. Catching himself staring at her from where he leaned against the wall next to the door listening - and still hearing activity outside - he looked away, but then decided to let his gaze drift back to her. She looked a little cold, but he had nothing to offer her that might make her feel any warmer. Her robe had become stained with blood and smudges, just like the slippers she wore, and her hair was a long mess rolling down her back in copper waves. Even in this state, she still looked beautiful, and Cullen wondered how that might be possible.

It was during his thoughts of questioning this that he heard Aislinn asking quietly, "Do you have any ideas about what we're supposed to do once we leave this room?"

Cullen looked at the door, then back at her, saying, "I do have an idea, yes."

Hearing this, Aislinn stood and turned the chair so that she could sit in it while facing him, and once she'd finished that task, she lay the apprentice's staff across her lap and over the arms of the chair before she asked him, "What is it?"

"Uh," he drew out, hoping he wasn't about to have another of his stuttering fits with her, but he managed to say without problem, "There's a secret exit in the Templar's barracks used in situations such as this. Considering I don't even know if the Knight Commander lives, I felt that the two of us should use it to retrieve help from the barracks across the lake."

He wondered if she'd become angry in hearing that the Templars had a secret exit that no one knew about, but she only nodded without much more of a reaction than that. There was a blank look in her eyes which she was staring almost directly across the room with as if she didn't see anything at all, and after a moment, she said, "That's good, I suppose."

Cullen let a little sigh that drew her gaze up to him. After a moment of thought, he said, "I wouldn't consider such a thing unless I had no other choice, and right now, we're not even sure where Greagoir is. I feel as if I'm abandoning them."

Aislinn's brows narrowed, and she tried to figure out what to say, starting with, "You aren't, you're trying to get them aide." After that, she waved a hand at him and added, "You've lost so many already, and with all the things we've seen, the Templars will need it regardless of whether they live or have died here."

"I suppose you're right," he drew out and risked a look over at her to see that she was giving him an expression that was determined. How she could still be in such a mind set he had no clue. It was something he had to ask her about. "You don't seem too brought down by all of this, uh, if you don't mind my saying so. I don't mean that you–," and he stopped when she spoke.

"I know what you mean," she said, a very small smile shining through her wearied features. "I figure I can be upset later all I want. For now, I just want to survive this unscathed, un-possessed, and hopefully saving as much and as many as I can along the way. Once that's accomplished, I can break down into a sobbing fit in my quarters if need be."

She saw him nodding in understanding, and she wondered for a moment how she'd ever thought him too soft spoken or sweet for the Order. He'd been an extremely capable fighter so far, and she realized that for what she thought she knew, there was a ton more to learn about him. Well, saying she ever got the chance to. Sadly, she would probably never get that chance. As soon as she had the thought, she felt disappointed. Aislinn let a silent sigh through her nose. She was starting to like Cullen more than she knew she should considering the situation. But from the way she figured it, she had good reasons to.

Cullen had been given just as much reason to be angry with mages in general that night as his comrades had been, but he'd never once yelled at her or tried to blame her for any of this, even suspected her of being involved. How could she not like the man at least a _little_? Sadly, she felt that if things continued on the path they were on now, however, he may end up hating mages altogether.

Still, Aislinn felt it only right to say something to him about it, before any of that could happen, as for now, he was still the only person she felt she could trust completely in this entire Tower. "I'm grateful," she started, looking from the floor and up at him, "for your trust, Cullen." Using formal tokens in that moment didn't feel quite right, so she just settled on his name alone.

Cullen looked over at her when he heard the words, unable to help a bit of a surprised expression as she continued on, "You could've blamed me along with the others, but you gave me the benefit of the doubt. I probably owe you my life for that."

"No," he shook his head, "they wouldn't have struck you down. There's no need to thank me."

Calmly, Aislinn argued, "There is," explaining, "after everything that's happened tonight, there's a lot of need. My door was busted open with two dead Templars and one who would have died if I hadn't been there. Almost all I've seen tonight are dead Templars or possessed ones, while the mages are apparently just falling victim to blood magic and demons one by one, leaving no room for trust of any mage in this Tower whatsoever, dooming us all to an uncertain fate. You have more trust in your Order than I do, because I've experienced the side of it you never will. So I mean it when I say I more than likely owe you my life."

Cullen honestly didn't know how to reply to that. He could have debated with her over everything, but he didn't feel it was really the time or place to do so. Besides, he didn't want to anyway. The way she'd spoken said she was telling him things from a perspective he didn't know, so she had every reason to want to thank him even if he didn't feel it was needed. Though he did say, "I know you've...had issues before. But it's our duty to protect you."

"Yes," Aislinn nodded, "including protecting us from ourselves, which could mean killing us." After pointing out that fact, she looked down and added, "All I had to do was make a single wrong move after I woke up in the chamber where you found me unconscious, Cullen." She cast her storm colored eyes back up at him, her voice solemn and meaningful as she asked, "Do you really think after all of this that they would've let me live had I made that single move? If I'd looked at Emin the wrong way, what do you think he would've done?"

The words did ring out on a note of truth that Cullen couldn't deny to her. They probably would have. He then thought of her as if she were any other mage, and realized she was absolutely right. While not completely swayed by it, there was a bit of bias that colored Cullen's perceptions of her - and that made his task here that much harder. But by the Maker, he didn't ask for this. He didn't ask for the feelings he harbored toward the woman sitting across from him now, coloring his perceptions of what she was.

When thought of as just another mage of the Tower, however, he knew what the truth was. After tonight, no, he couldn't say that they wouldn't have killed her for sneezing the wrong way. It made him feel badly, all while wondering if he really should have or not. Wasn't that any mage's lot? Was it his feelings making him think that Aislinn deserved better? Or was it just a plain and simple truth?

Either way, he told her, "I'm sorry," lowly after having the thought.

"Don't apologize, Cullen," Aislinn said, her voice still quiet, but it had a kind tone to it. "I'm thanking you for your understanding and your patience. I know it can't be easy for you either, or any of the other Templars in this situation specifically. You have nothing to apologize for at all."

He wished she wouldn't say things like that. Instead of focusing on the way it made him feel, which was far too warm inside for his tastes just then, as if he all he really wanted to do was walk over to her, embrace her, and promise he'd allow no harm to ever come to her, he focused on the sounds outside of the room again and said, "I think they're starting to move away finally."

Aislinn got the feeling he was dodging the subject because she'd made him uncomfortable. So she decided to let it go, having said her peace now, and started to just wait along with him so that when they escaped this chamber, they could head to the exit he'd spoken of and hopefully get some help from the barracks across the lake he'd mentioned to her. Just when she was getting her mind on another topic however, Cullen finally made a response to her statement of gratitude.

"Perhaps there's nothing to apologize for on my part," he started, "but I still feel I should take responsibility for any wrongs committed by the Order I joined and chose to uphold the values of. As for my understanding and patience," he looked over at her and took a breath before saying in earnest, "you're very welcome, my lady. I could only return what you've already given, though."

That put a slow smile on her face, and Aislinn nodded at him, glad he'd said that. Getting her to smile in such a way caused Cullen to look away from her, and she noticed his cheeks looked a little red in tone. She didn't take that as a sign of infatuation, but of humility, which the man seemed to have in droves. Still, she liked seeing it on him. It was a cute thing to witness with everything else going on anyway.

What if things were different, she thought very briefly. If the rumors were true, and he weren't a Templar, or if Templars weren't expected so much out of, where would this have gone? She knew that dwelling on "what if's" was never a good thing, and if she let her head go in that direction and liked what she saw, she'd be disappointed. But curiosity killed the cat, and she had the feeling that she could come to feel very deeply for him and probably be made very happy by him - if things were different.

Sadly, they weren't so. If they were different, they wouldn't be locked in a room now trying to escape the sight of danger just long enough to ensure survival. But she did have to admit, if she were going to be stuck in a position like this, he was one of the first people she'd have chosen to be stuck with.

Aislinn stood up after having those quiet thoughts, feeling much better after their little rest as well, asking him, "So, how quiet is it out there now? Think we might be able to get through yet?"

"I haven't heard anything for about five minutes," he told her honestly.

"That seems long enough for everything to have cleared out."

Cullen agreed with her, silently listening just a little more, and after no further sound was heard, he looked over at Aislinn and told her, "Let's get started. If we get separated, try to head to the Templar's barracks. You'll find the exit behind a mural of Andraste hung on the far back wall. It's hard to miss. There's a latch behind the painting on the left side of the frame that releases the hinges."

Aislinn listened carefully, nodding her head. "Mural of Andraste, left side, behind the frame." Once she got it all straight in her head, she looked back up at Cullen and asked, "Where does it lead?"

"A cavern that comes out near the docks," he explained. "With any luck, the Ferry will be there as I'm certain any outside forces have already come inside to help with the trouble. Or at least," he sighed, "they _may_ have. I think you know how badly communications have gone."

Aislinn gave a nod of her head and looked at the door, waving a hand, "Let's go then, quickly, while it's still quiet out there."

Cullen gave a single nod and looked down as he reached and took the knob into his hand, turning it slowly and quietly. Once he'd managed to crack the door open, he looked outside of the room and into the corridor beyond it, seeing nothing but the cold granite walls, the marble floors, and the torches hinged to the walls that the Tower offered and nothing walking among it. They were alone for the moment.

He pulled the door to and stepped out with Aislinn just behind him, looking first left, then right, and the coast was entirely clear of anything dangerous lurking about. Without question, the two of them headed in the direction of the barracks. The journey was eerily silent, as if they were being watched somehow, but nothing was there, not even the sense that something might have been there. Instead, it was just a paranoia brought on by the once life filled halls now made utterly silent, an atmosphere that no one who'd lived for a prolonged period of time in the Tower would have been used to. Where there was once an embodiment of some sense of home and perhaps even family with the mages who'd lived there, there was now emptiness and desolation, bodies strewn out on the floor, and a sense of uncertainty around the corners.

They made it to the barracks however, and it was in the barracks that they both felt as if things were about to fall apart completely. It had been a growing state of their senses plaguing them, that things were much _too_ quiet, and that this wasn't safe, but they were so close now that turning back would have been completely foolish.

The barracks were abandoned, a few things laying about on the floors that had been knocked over in haste, but otherwise everything was still standing relatively like it had been before all of the demons had appeared. Cullen didn't look on his current home in the Tower with the same eyes he normally did, and instead, gazed about warily as he ventured into the quarter with the mage he'd been working with not too far behind him, focusing his attention forward while she was paying a good amount of attention to the areas behind them to make sure they weren't ambushed.

Cullen made his way around some of the bunks that had been set up toward an archway that lead into a type of study where the Templars had mostly gone to spend social time off duty and relax. That was where the mural was located, a large painting of Andraste in a motherly pose, standing over a vast scenery of landscape as if to represent the entire world under her and the Maker. As Cullen reached the archway where he could see it, and before he could lead Aislinn into the room, the sound of clattering was heard in the hallway outside.

Cullen came to a sudden stop and looked back, and since Aislinn had already been looking in that direction, she bumped into him, which made her gasp slightly. Not wanting to risk the exposure of the exit he was intending to use to seek outside help, Cullen moved back and into the archway, tapping Aislinn on the shoulder to get her attention. When she looked, he quietly motioned with his head in the direction he wanted her to go, so she nodded and looked back at the entryway from the hall where they'd just heard the clattering and moved around him and into the study.

When nothing came from the hallway, Cullen backed up, sword still in hand, and once he could no longer see the entryway, he turned and went over to the mural he'd mentioned to Aislinn before, lifting his free hand behind the frame on the left side until he felt the latch. Pushing the small protrusion up, he heard the soft whirring of a crank, and the zig-zag lines of the bricks in the wall the mural were mounted on began to separate and open up. The part of the wall that the door was hinged to was cleverly disguised as a part of the mural itself, and Aislinn watched while she thought that it somewhat ironic that Andraste was symbolic to the escape of tyranny and the rise to redemption and here she was, used as the mask of a tunnel that could lead them both to the same thing.

As the door came open enough to let them through, the other side dark and dank, somewhat moldy in scent, several more sounds came from the hallway behind them suddenly, and a whispering was heard that said, "I just saw someone heading into the study, come on."

Cullen looked at the archway, hearing footsteps, and while he knew Aislinn could help tremendously here, _someone_ had to get out and get help. He was better suited to handling the mages coming after them now, and had he gone onto the other side of the door, it wouldn't have shut very fast since there was no way to pull it to.

So instead of just running through the door with Aislinn to escape sight, he turned and pushed her through it, then pushed the door shut as fast as he could, saying in that one single movement that he trusted her to bring help back to the Tower before it was too late.

"Cullen!," she gasped out, unable to make it back through the door before he'd shut her out and into proverbial silence save for a few muffled sounds coming from the other side of the closed portal, and she lifted her hand and lit it on fire with magic so that she could see better, looking around for a way to reopen the door, some way to get back inside so that she could help him, but she saw none. Perhaps, like on the other side, there was a trick to it, something she wasn't seeing outright aside from the cranks that apparently worked the door, hinged to the ceiling of the tunnel she was standing in now, but she couldn't find anything on the walls or the floors that would open it.

Breathing deeply, Aislinn decided to wait to see if he would reemerge through the door and join her again, but he never did. More than five minutes passed, and Cullen never opened the door, and Aislinn didn't hear anything else coming from the other side of it, the sounds too muffled to begin with to tell what had really happened.

In a fit of frustration, Aislinn exclaimed, "Why did you do that?," and then let out a soft sigh. She felt as if she knew why, and there were a number of reasons. The first was the protection of this secret, which was important. She saw no handle or knob, so he couldn't have simply shut the door had he run through it along with her. The other reason he'd shoved her through it was because _someone_ had to get help, and he would rather risk himself and allow her to go in this instance because he'd have an easier time of dealing with mages alone than she would have.

She had no choice. She had to follow this tunnel out and get help, otherwise everything would've been for nothing.

Cullen would either come through that door or he wouldn't, and if he did, he would catch up to her. So instead of waiting for him and delaying them all help, she turned around and headed down the steps that had been carved into the floor of the tunnel as quickly as possible. It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the spider webs, but Maker help her, Aislinn was impossibly Arachnophobic to the point that she made normal girls who were afraid of spiders look extremely brave. She remembered helping Leorah clear out the Tower's storerooms several weeks ago now, where spiders had been - _giant_ spiders - and Aislinn had told Leorah afterwards as politely as possible to take care of her own problems next time.

Leorah had laughed over it, and Aislinn hadn't slept for three days.

The webs made Aislinn nervous, but she pushed on past them, ready to defend herself if some arachnid tried to jump on her while she moved which, thankfully, never happened. Eventually, she saw some faint light in the distance which began to grow brighter the further she moved. It felt like it had been forever wandering through the dark tunnel, so she knew she was going to come up a far ways away from the Tower.

As she reached the exit finally, having not seen actual daylight in a long time now, Aislinn stepped out and looked up at the morning sky, the sun shining down over the lake ahead of her bright and warm despite the cool chill to the air, and the tragic night that had passed before. It seemed like something of a slap in the face to step into that kind of scenery when she knew tragedy still lay behind her, so this didn't feel like freedom at all. It felt like a sadistic tease.

She turned and looked back, looked up, seeing the Tower from the ground in the short distance, rising to the sky as if it had been built to try to reach the moon. She wasn't used to looking up like that, seeing things from the windows and always looking down and over them when inside of that tall spire, so the instance of looking up made her dizzy and she stumbled a bit when she didn't watch her footing as she tried to take a few steps.

Once she'd righted her steps, she told herself that she could marvel at the size of the Tower, which had hadn't seen from the outside for so long that she'd almost forgotten what it looked like, later. For now, she had work to accomplish, and fast.


	7. Broken Circle

_VII. Broken Circle_

Demons could possess more than just mages. People from all walks of life were susceptible, except for possibly Dwarves. Sadly though, Cullen wasn't a Dwarf. But if ever he'd wanted to be one - saying it was true that they couldn't be possessed - now was it. He wasn't sure how long he'd been imprisoned in the Tower, and he wasn't sure he cared. The only thing he did care about was either escape, or simply knowing all of this madness had been brought to an end. He could die happy knowing that.

The one thing he'd wanted to save had left the Tower to get help, and his conscious was clear on that end. He'd done what he needed to do in sending someone out to get them some assistance, pushing Aislinn through the door into the tunnel before shutting it on her, saving her life from their enemies in the process, and then facing down three blood mages and their summonings alone before he was stopped by Uldred himself.

The senior mage had laughed when he saw how hard Cullen hard fought off the blood mages and their pets, even let him kill two of those mages before he intervened and decided that such a challenge deserved a place worthy, a magical prison at the top of the tower outside of the Harrowing Chamber, where demons could consistently torment Cullen until he broke. Uldred felt the demons deserved such a strong, steadfast being as their vessel and that they would appreciate it.

Demons seemed to like a challenge.

Cullen had no idea how long ago that had been now, his fortitude constantly put to the test, tempted with promises of things he could have if he just gave into their evil. They came so frequently that he didn't even know who or what coming in and out was real anymore. On top of that madness, there were sounds coming out of the Harrowing Chamber from time to time as Uldred worked his own evil on the mages unfortunate enough to be captured by him that could have sent a chill down even Greagoir's toughened spine - saying the Commander was still alive. Cullen still didn't know. He knew Irving was alive, however, but being exposed to this, he felt the First Enchanter's life was more than likely forfeit.

Things were quiet for now, however, the chamber empty except for Cullen, who lay on the floor in the middle of a circle shaped barrier of magic, containing him while he stared up at the ceiling blankly. He was tired, darkened circles beneath his green eyes, a bit of dirt streaking his left cheek, a few dried smudges of blood here and there. In his head, he was playing a song he remembered one of the Sisters from the Chantry in Amaranthine used to hum to him as a child. Sister Justinia was her name. He'd fall asleep listening to the sound of her voice, and the sound barely escaped his dry, chaffed lips as he brought the tune to life through his raspy voice, but only barely audibly. He could hear it clearly in his mind after all, and didn't need the extra volume.

Without certainty when his next offering from a demon would come, Cullen let himself revel in his memories because they were like a map for him to follow. If something began happening that he didn't recall, he would be alerted to the demon's falsehoods, so memories had become where Cullen took solace. He could remember the Sister's gentle humming, or the way she had asked him if he'd done all of his chores before he ate dinner in the evenings. Sister Justinia, something of a surrogate mother in his younger years, the only real mother Cullen remembered having.

He never dared to let his thoughts wander to Aislinn Amell. She was far too easy a target for the demons to use against him. The only time he ever thought about her was to wonder if she had gotten across the lake or not, wonder if she had brought help, and if that help was coming up even now. But not even Cullen could convince himself that they were after he'd spent so much time in this prison being tormented. Likely, help had never arrived, or it had been killed when it did.

Screams began coming out of the Harrowing Chamber when he had the thought, and Cullen retreated into his memories from them. Falling off a horse when he was much younger came to mind at random, and it was as good as anything he could think of to escape this for even just a short while. He'd been covered in mud, and the Templar Commander had been laughing once he realized the young man was fine. The sound of the Commander's laugh had always amused Cullen because it was like a bird's, Maker forgive him for thinking that about such a good man, but it was true.

One of the other young men in training with Cullen had commented that it sounded like the Commander was going to grow wings and fly away, a comment that had the two young men nearly in stitches. So even when the Commander laughed at them, they didn't take offense. It always just sounded like they were laughing with him or at themselves.

A slow, weakened smile formed on Cullen's lips as he lay there inanimately, completely worn out from resisting so harshly. He couldn't help it. That guffaw of the Commander was still playing in his head, overpowering the sounds coming out of the Harrowing Chamber just above him now, making him forget that he was in such a bad situation for a few blissful moments of time.

But it didn't last long, and soon those screams were heard again, the smile fading from the Templar's face as he was forced to listen to them. His eyes remained open to see the same ceiling above him, and with each sound he heard, he came to hate mages more and more. They were to blame in this. The death of his friends, the anguish he was experiencing now, even the deaths of their own kind. The Maker would probably be doing men a kindness if he simply washed them all from the world.

If they never existed, this would have never happened.

As soon as Cullen had the thought, he knew his anger had overthrown him. It wasn't the fault of _all_ mages that these had gone bad, but none of them were like normal people - they _all_ needed to be watched closely.

Still, Aislinn hadn't turned against him, but she'd left the tower. Would she have turned on him eventually? Would he even be here now if he hadn't let her go? Was this some kind of punishment for letting her go? For having feelings for her when he'd taken vows before he'd even met her? Cullen didn't want to think about that. Instead, he focused on the rest. This was a sign of what a mage _could_ do, and it couldn't be allowed to go further unchecked. Given enough time, who knew what Uldred would become capable of, as if he weren't capable of enough already. Uldred had argued with Greagoir about the oppression of mages, and some part of Cullen had felt sorry for them then, but he now believed that they, the Templars themselves, hadn't been strict _enough_.

He'd make sure all of that changed if he ever got out of there.

His eyes slowly closed without even realizing it. Exhausted, Cullen couldn't hold them open anymore for the time being. As soon as they shut, he felt warmth and concern enveloping him, felt an embrace of arms around him from behind. He wanted to fight against it, doubting it was real, but he couldn't move, far too tired, each of his limbs too heavy for him to even lift just then. He couldn't open his eyes and look, couldn't move. The only thing he could do was revel in the feeling washing over him, and briefly, he wondered if this were all a dream. It wouldn't have been the first time.

He felt fingers gently brushing across his cheek, heard a woman's voice following it, saying in a somewhat faded tone, "Rest, Cullen."

"...Ais...Aislin?," came his soft reply. He still felt as if he couldn't open his eyes to see, but somehow he knew it was her, because he'd had so many dreams like this before now.

"Shush, just rest. Everything will be fine soon."

"H-how? How will it _ever_ be fine?," he responded skeptically, even a little angrily.

"You'll see," the voice went on. It sounded just like Aislinn's, and something in Cullen knew it was her, even if only a dream of her, because of the way he felt for her. Safe, a feeling he hadn't had too often recently, safe and...genuine, as if there was no way the feelings he was having now could have ever been replicated by a demon.

"I'm dreaming," he said then, "none of this is real."

"Then it's a good dream, isn't it?," Aislinn's voice asked. "You'll have to wake up soon though. They'll be coming again."

He stiffened with the thought, so angry he could've torn every Demon he came across limb from limb if he'd had the strength, but before that anger could overthrow him just then, he felt fingers combing through his hair in a gentle fashion.

"I'm so sorry."

Despite the soothing sensations, Cullen's brows furrowed over his closed eyes, and he asked, "Sorry?"

"I failed you," she said, then adding, "I can't stay, they'll find me here."

"Don't go," he found himself saying before he could think better of it. But he could already feel that safe, warm sensation fading away from him, repeating himself, saying, "Stay, Aislinn."

Cold, harsh reality hit him as he managed to open his eyes, the sight of the barrier still encompassing him, and Cullen sat forward slowly, rubbed his eyes against it all, and took in a slow breath. That dream, and the other dreams he'd had of her like it, both comforted and angered him. It reminded him of things he'd never have, reminded him of the way he felt for her, of the foolish boy he'd acted like when he was in her presence. But, oddly, he'd noticed they always seemed to prove true, warning him before demons arrived to find him, as if Aislinn might have found him in the fade while he slumbered herself to give him a good, fighting chance. So when the door opened a second time after he pushed himself to his feet, he greeted the people entering the room with the same ire he'd greeted anything that came in to try to break him.

But this time, they were real. Two Grey Wardens had come to the Tower with one of the Senior Enchanters named Wynne, and a Qunari by the name of Sten. Before much longer, and after a short discussion on what needed to be done with the Tower, the barrier around Cullen died away. Apparently, Uldred had been slain after Cullen had told the Wardens to kill everything they found in the Harrowing Chamber, but they hadn't completely listened. When they came walking back down the steps, First Enchanter Irving was with them, looking just as worn out as Cullen felt.

The nightmare had ended, however, and Cullen walked free. He made his case to Greagoir, not trusting that Irving was himself and could have potentially been possessed, but Greagoir wouldn't hear of it, showing Cullen a level of trust with the First Enchanter's word that Cullen honestly hadn't expected to see. For a brief moment, Cullen didn't feel so badly about trusting Aislinn as he had anymore. On the other hand, he almost felt Greagoir wasn't experienced enough to deal with it the way he should have.

That's when he remembered that he had no idea what had become of Aislinn. He didn't see her in the foyer anywhere, nor did he see her with the other mages who'd survived the Tower's fall under Uldred's influence. Dread hit him unlike it had even when he'd been imprisoned. She was likely dead, but Cullen didn't want to ask because that would seem awfully specific, especially after everything he'd been through at the hands of mages.

Perhaps she wasn't dead at all. Perhaps she'd simply run away and become an Apostate and had never sought help for the Tower whatsoever. Anger boiled in him yet again, and it was for more than one reason. Not only did he feel angry that such a thing might be true, but also, even after torment and suffering at their hands, he still cared about the fate of one, still felt heartbroken over the notion that she'd run away even though, saying she had, she'd betrayed him by doing so. He decided then and there that if he had to care at all, she'd be the _only_ one he ever cared for, but if she'd run away, he could at least be free of this foolish infatuation finally.

He still felt betrayed over the notion however.

It was later that same evening while Cullen stood idly in the hallway, ordered not to lift a finger because of what he'd been through - at least for a while until he'd properly rested - that Greagoir came walking down the corridor and stopped when he noticed his subordinate standing there quietly, staring off in deep thought. With a soft sigh and a shake of his head, Greagoir began heading toward him, saying his name on the way, which got the younger man's attention.

"Cullen," he started, only pausing long enough to get closer before he continued, "I wanted to talk to you about what you did."

Cullen wasn't completely sure what Greagoir was talking about as he turned to face him, asking, "I'm sorry, Ser, what are you speaking of precisely?"

Greagoir elaborated for him, "I was told that you revealed one of our secrets to a mage in order to get more help into the Tower and allowed her to go out unchecked to seek it."

Cullen felt his heart turning to stone and falling into the pit of his stomach for more reasons than one, but he gave a slow nod of his head. "I did, Ser, and I _can_ promise you that will _never_ happen again." His voice held the utmost vehemence, almost to the point that it sounded like he had contempt for his actions.

"You misunderstand me," Greagoir replied, taking the time out to give Cullen an assessing gaze. Once he'd done that, he said, "While sending mages out unchecked isn't precisely my idea of the perfect plan, you had no choice in the matter, and I wanted to commend you for your quick thinking. If it weren't for that, aide wouldn't have arrived in time to save anything at all, and while it didn't do complete good for us, it managed to keep things together long enough for that Warden to get here."

Cullen couldn't help but stare at the man for a moment, having not expected Greagoir to say such a thing. He thought his Commander was going to reprimand him for allowing a mage the freedom to leave the Tower, for exposing some of the secrets that the Templars held to her, but instead, Greagoir was commending him for his quick thinking in a time of crisis, regardless of whether or not he agreed with the way it was executed.

As Cullen had quietly stood there, Greagoir gave him a nod and said good evening before going to walk on, and finally, enough thought surfaced into Cullen's head that he turned and said, "Commander, wait." Greagoir stopped and looked back before Cullen asked, "Did you speak with the mage?"

"No, I spoke with one of the Templars she managed to send here."

Cullen wasn't sure if he felt disappointed or relieved to hear that, and all because he still didn't know Aislinn's fate. But he listened when Greagoir added, "It's fortunate she didn't just run away to become an Apostate."

"She's here?," Cullen asked.

"No, she's coming back. She'll arrive shortly."

Cullen was quiet, but he gave the Commander a single nod, then let him carry on with his duties. As Greagoir walked away, Cullen finally identified the emotion he'd been having, which was relief. It was like a weight had fallen from him to know that she was fine, and he slumped against the wall once he was alone, finally feeling the exhaustion everyone had kept telling him he'd needed to get some sleep for. Knowing Aislinn was fine allowed him to rest easy, as if his whole body had been waiting on knowing that one single thing before it would allow him to relax.

"Cullen? Wow, you look awful. You should go get some rest I think."

The voice had come from behind him, and Cullen turned his head to look back, seeing a helmet-less Kethran standing there, his raven black hair tied into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, crystal blue eyes looking on in concern, apparently having survived the attacked unscathed.

"I was just considering that, Kethran, thank you," Cullen replied, his voice a bit soft.

Kethran began nodding and walked over, waving a hand, "Come on, I'll walk up with you."

Cullen didn't feel like arguing, but he said, "I'll find my own way. I'm certain Greagoir has everyone loaded down with responsibilities. You should attend to those."

Kethran scoffed, taking in a deep breath. "That he does. I personally think we need to just clear out the rest of the mages, but...," he shrugged, "can't go against orders. Ah well, go on. There's a clean bed with your name written all over it waiting for you."

"I only wish it would come to me instead," Cullen replied in a halfhearted attempt at humor before he walked on, telling Kethran, "Good night."

"Good night, Cullen, rest well." As the man walked off, Kethran shook his head over his worn state of being and turned around to go back into the foyer, heading to help some Templars trying to restore the functions of a door than had been busted down when he looked up to see a few Templars escorting a mage back into the Tower with the First Enchanter tagging along.

As they passed him, he heard the First Enchanter saying, "I think Greagoir's more surprised that you didn't run away, rather than upset that you went out alone."

The woman walking with them gave the response, "I hope so. What about the Templar who let me out? Do you know what happened to him?"

"Hmm? Oh...Cullen wasn't it?" When Aislinn nodded her head, Irving confirmed, "He's alive, went through some terrible things from what I've heard, but he seems like he'll recover at least."

That was all that Kethran heard before the group rounded the corner down the hallway. Kethran's expression got a little confused. Cullen had released a mage to seek help? That was strange indeed. Kethran got the feeling however that, after what had happened to him, he'd never make that mistake again.

Meanwhile, Cullen had settled on a clean bunk in the Templar's quarters where he was completely alone, had removed his armor, and now wore a simple white tunic and a pair of loose fitting pants that were nicely comfortable. It took him several moments to try to lay down, so caught up in thought that he only moved to put his head on the pillows when he wasn't even paying attention to it. He couldn't figure anything out, felt lost, and at the same time, felt more certain about his path than he had in a long time.

He fell asleep quickly, exhaustion taking over, and as he dozed, he had nightmares, woke up from them sometime during the middle of the night in a near panic. When he realized he was only dreaming, his gaze settled and focused on the mural of Andraste covering the wall beyond the archway, the same mural that led out of the Tower. He stared at it for a long time, gathering his answers.

Finally, he lay back once more, closing his eyes. He had no choice in what he knew he had to do now. This could never happen again, and he'd make sure of that. He'd make sure the mages feared the Order the way they should and knew precisely what it stood for.

And he'd have to let her go.


	8. Bitter Farewell

_VIII. Bitter Farewell_

Aislinn hadn't thought to return to the Tower in such a way. The changes that had overwhelmed the place were numerous, and she, like everyone else, found herself busy day in and day out trying to help see to the restoration of the building's many rooms and chambers. While she'd never really considered the Tower her home - like many mages, she simply thought of it as a gilded prison - it was still sad to see how much chaos and havoc had wrought on it. Especially when it came to the children who'd survived. If it hadn't been for the Grey Wardens, the Tower would have been completely razed to the ground with nothing or no one to blame but mages performing blood magic.

Aislinn would have survived that no matter what though - all thanks to Cullen's actions, however indirect they may have been - because she hadn't been there for the majority of it. She'd made it to the barracks across the lake and told the Templars there everything, told them as they mobilized that she wanted to go back and fight with them, but they demanded her compliance in staying at their barracks on the shore of Lake Calenhad because the things she'd described to them had made them deem it too dangerous for her to go in and risk herself in such a manner.

It was a small unit, the barracks on the shores of the lake mostly reserved for Templars who were on leave of duty aside from a small contingent kept there for reinforcements to begin with, but there was always someone there. As Aislinn had watched them taking the Ferry across the water, she'd glanced up at the Tower and felt that she'd more than likely never see these particular men again. Looking at the cold, granite spire reaching up to the sky under the glint of the sun, it looked so peaceful and quiet. Aislinn wondered how it could give off such an image and yet carry a story so different on the inside at the same time.

She wondered if Cullen had ever made it out of there.

Aislinn had felt helpless and useless and she'd hated every minute of it in the barracks under the watch of the men she was staying with. When the Templars sent in to back up those in need never returned, tension only began to grow, and Aislinn was looked at with so much scrutiny and contempt that she figured she may as well run away and become an Apostate because there wouldn't have been any difference in her treatment.

To make matters worse, she found out later what had happened to Cullen after he'd pushed her through that door to get them all help. She felt sick on her stomach in hearing the tale honestly. She didn't even really want to see him, afraid he might blame her for what had been done, or even worse, simply hate her because she was a mage like all the rest. She felt terrible. It hadn't been her hand that had caused these things, but it had been a mage's, so regardless of who was ultimately at fault, Aislinn couldn't forget what her kind of people had put not only Cullen through, but all of the Templars in that tower, and all of the mages who strove to do well that had been victimized.

But hearing of Cullen's plight had been specifically hurtful for her.

She wasn't sure why she cared so much in specific. Maybe there were a lot of reasons, but one of the most important was that Aislinn had been honest when she'd told Cullen that it would've been nice to have a Templar to trust from time to time, but that ship had more than likely sailed. He'd never trust a mage again, she felt pretty certain of, and it wouldn't be easy to trust him if he was wary of her to begin with.

Seven months past since those horrible events, and during that time, Aislinn realized that she'd been right about Cullen. Whatever had been there before, friendship or other, was now gone, replaced with wariness, even some scrutiny. Their first meeting after everything had been resolved wasn't much to speak of. He'd been cold and clipped, and Aislinn hadn't known what to say to begin with because, in all honesty, what was there _to_ say that would make _any_ of it better?

Though, for all of his hardened ways, she noticed that he was never specifically rude to her, never seemed to go out of his way to reprimand her for anything. At the same time, she still got the feeling that he wouldn't go out of his way to help her saying a problem had risen up. If this was the Cullen she'd gone to about the problem Driana was having, he likely would have gone to find and accost the mage immediately, regardless of what Aislinn had said about her, and it made Aislinn terribly sad to see this kind of change in the man.

More than once she wanted to pull him into a room and demand to know why he held all mages accountable for the actions of a few, but she realized that he didn't, he simply felt that all mages were capable of the same things and were more than likely weak willed. Either way, she didn't feel as if it were completely important at that particular time anyway, not with the Blight upon them, and the uncertainty that it would even matter soon if battles were not won.

Specifically the battle against the Archdemon who, as news recently reaching the Tower had it, was knocking on Denerim's doorstep.

Due to obligations of a treaty with the Grey Wardens, the mages were mobilizing to head to Denerim that evening with all haste. Aislinn was going with them, hoping that she could make even a small amount of difference, and she honestly felt no fear, even if there was a chance she'd see the Archdemon itself. She had her own duties to attend to, and she'd attend to them, not wilt like a delicate flower in need of watering.

Standing in her chambers in a blue robe that hung low around her ankles with slits up each side of the skirt to her thighs and a bodice that had been finely tailored with intricate embroideries, Aislinn was preparing her things to go while thinking over all of this, and it was when she was considering the potential outcomes of the battle ahead of her that she heard a knock at her door. Thinking it might be Irving, coming to tell her that it was time to go, she grabbed her satchel and her staff which was twisted at the end with a large green gem embedded into the silver it was made out of, and said, "Enter," without hesitation. As soon as she heard footsteps and the door behind her shutting, she put her staff onto her back while she said, "I'm ready to go anytime, Irving, don't worry."

It wasn't Irving's voice she heard however, "I'm...not Irving."

Aislinn turned to face him when she heard that, her expression surprised as she spotted Cullen standing in front of her door. "Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed with everything going on right now that he'd come to tell me it was time to depart."

"It's fine," said the Templar, his stance a bit uneasy, waving a hand as if to wave away her mistake on his identity. "I know that you...you're busy right now."

With a slow nod of her head, Aislinn looked him over inconspicuously, wondering why he always looked as if he hadn't gotten any sleep anymore. Instead of mentioning it however, she only replied with, "We've all been busy with this whole...Blight going on. But what brings you here this evening?" She wanted to keep it as formal as possible because, honestly, she didn't know what to expect out of him anymore. This was the most he'd said to her since Uldred's attack on the Tower.

"It won't take long, I had thought to come by and wish you well," he started, the words surprising her a bit. "It's not going to be an easy battle, and I had...hoped...you'd be careful."

Aislinn didn't reply verbally at first, surprised to hear him saying as much. The pause following that surprise came from a lack of knowing what to say, but she finally settled for, "Thank you. Hopefully all will go well and everything will end in Denerim. Then we can all get on with our lives."

"I agree," he told her on a sincere but somehow solemn tone of voice. Following those words, he grew a bit quiet, and Aislinn waited for him to say something more. When he didn't, she was just about to wave a hand at him and ask if he needed something else when he looked back at her and said, "I also thought I...owed it to you to tell you that when you return...," he paused briefly, then finished by saying softly, "I'll no longer be here."

That wasn't precisely something she'd expected to hear. "You're leaving?," she asked, her brows shooting up a bit. She couldn't blame him for wanting to anyway. Not after what had happened all those months ago.

"Yes," Cullen nodded slowly, waylaying little with his expression toward how he felt about it. "There's a caravan leaving tomorrow morning, and I'm heading off with it."

"Can I ask where to?"

"Kirkwall, in the Free Marches," he explained, his words still slow and somewhat hesitant. "The Knight Commander thinks it's best...if I'm placed away from here after...what happened."

Aislinn nodded her head at him in understanding. She supposed Greagoir thought that Cullen's views were a bit too strict perhaps, and maybe the two men no longer got along as well as they once had. The Gallows in Kirkwall had a reputation for being harsh from what Aislinn had heard, so it made sense that Cullen would be sent there.

Gently, Aislinn told him, "I heard about it, what happened to you I mean. Perhaps Kirkwall will be more agreeable."

"Perhaps," he said shortly, almost as if he didn't want to discuss the matter, or maybe just didn't want to discuss it with her. But she let him continue without interruption. "But I thought you should know because I...never got a chance to thank you for getting help here."

"What good it did," she returned with a soft scoff, then turned back to her bed and finished straightening out her sheets before she would leave it that way, moving to the other side and glancing back over at him while saying, "but I'm glad you told me. I hope you'll do well there for what it's worth. Also, I know it's probably too late to really say anything, but I have to tell you that I'm terribly sorry for what happened here. I keep thinking that maybe if I'd been faster, or maybe if I'd been more demanding for the Templars to let me come back here to help, I might've been able to do something more. But they were suspicious enough that I'd made it out alone and knew about that exit from the Tower. I couldn't demand to go with them like I wanted to. So I'm sorry for that."

"No," Cullen replied with a shake of his head, "don't say that. I'm glad they didn't let you return. If they had, you would've been exposed to all of that...evil. It was...," he came to a pause, thinking, then shook his head, "nevermind. The point is that I worry with Greagoir's command here. He saw what happened, but he doesn't..."

When Cullen stopped, Aislinn could easily see that he wasn't satisfied that Greagoir was still allowing the mages in the Tower the same types of freedoms that they'd had before with minor alterations at most. What's more, she could also see that Cullen apparently didn't like the idea of discussing his new views on her so-called kind with her.

Aislinn was more forward than that, however, so she informed him evenly, "If you wish to speak, you don't have to worry that I'll become angry with you, or feel insulted. Simply speak your mind."

"I'd like to, but it's not your anger I fear," he said honestly enough. She knew Cullen had come to hate them all, and she looked down with a nod of her head, reaching up to flip a strand of her copper hair back when it had fallen into her face with the movement.

"I honestly don't know what to think about it, Ser Cullen. I feel like I'm partially to blame. Things should be fine here though, so I don't think you really need to worry much about what might come. None of us are going to forget what happened, least of all me."

He was quiet, but he gave her a nod. She couldn't help but get the sense that there was something more that he wanted to say, feeling as if there was some definite tension going on in him, but instead of speaking on it, he turned around and went to the door instead. Whatever it was that he wanted to say but didn't, Aislinn didn't like leaving any business without conclusion, so she walked around the side of her bed and spoke his name, "Cullen, wait." Her voice had been spoken on the most demanding tone she had.

He stopped near the door and turned to look back, seeing her heading toward him. He didn't move, and Aislinn stopped once she got close to him. From there, she looked up at him, saying, "I can tell you're uncomfortable speaking with me, but I have something I need to say to you before we both end up parting ways completely. From what I heard, you really did survive against nearly impossible odds, and I'm very glad you did. I was angry when you shoved that door shut on me, and I still am, but you saved my life honestly enough, even if that wasn't the point of it. I owe you for that."

He looked a little surprised, making her wonder what he might've been thinking exactly, but he told her, "You owe me nothing. One of us had to get out...without letting onto the fact that there was an exit there. I...wasn't specifically trying to save your life. I simply went against the rules and let you leave so you could bring help because I trusted you."

Those last words had been a bit cold, as if Cullen wasn't happy with the fact that he'd ever trusted a mage at all, or perhaps uncertain of why he had. Aislinn wanted to ask him the question of if he'd trusted her when the Tower had almost fallen, then why couldn't he trust her now, but it was really his business and not hers, especially since all he wanted to do was shut her out now.

But it didn't stop her from taking his hand before he could react and saying, "I still owe you for it." He'd shaken his head as if to say no once again, but she stopped him completely by leaning up and pressing her lips to his cheek at the corner of his mouth in a surprising kiss, placing her free hand on the other one to make sure he didn't turn his head and disallow her giving him the show of gratitude she felt she needed to give to him properly.

After all, no matter what was between them now, she _did_ owe him, she still cared for him, and she'd see to it that she showed her thanks in the very least.

Aislinn let the kiss be a slow one, though not too slow, but still last long enough to get her point across. After a moment, she stood back again and looked up at him only to see him blushing and looking completely floored. There was the old Cullen she remembered. With a little smile forming on her face over the sight of it, she informed him, "That's the least I can do to thank you for everything, especially since you're leaving, and we may never see one another again." She let go of his hand and stepped back before adding, "But who knows, maybe one of these days I'll manage to book a room for myself at another Circle and we'll end up seeing each other again after all, battle with the Darkspawn or not."

"I...," came his dumbfounded reply as he stopped himself as if to gather his thoughts before finally continuing, "I would...be pleased if that happened." With a nod as if he were satisfied with what he'd just told her, he finished, "Thank you, Lady Aislinn. Please be careful in battle...and may the Maker watch over you."

"You as well, Ser. You deserve his guidance and blessing much more than I do." It was a very formal way to say goodbye to him, she thought, but that was how things were. Formal and nothing more. Her hands were currently tied too completely to do anything about the situation.

So with those words and a friendly smile regardless of her doubts on the way he looked at her anymore, Aislinn turned to finish cleaning up her room while waiting on Irving to come and give the call to arms, and Cullen lingered for only a moment longer before she heard the door opening and shutting behind her. Aislinn let out a loud sigh after the sound of his exit hit her ears, one that blew a few strands of her hair away from her face briefly.

Why was it so bitter? It was because she liked him regardless of the way things had turned out for him, and she was going to miss him, that was why. Underneath all of his anger and newfound contempt for mages and their abilities, he was still a good man. She wouldn't forget that about him. Maybe she was right and their paths would cross again one day, and if they did, she'd be in a better position to maybe help him cope with all of the anger and contempt he'd gotten pent up inside of himself.

She hadn't done that in seven months worth of time, but she hadn't been able to. She was too uncertain about what was going on in his mind to even assume to be able to help him, and if she'd tried, only for him to berate her, well, she'd hate to think of the outcome of such an event. It had simply seemed best to try to let him deal with things on his own, to interfere as little as possible because he'd had enough of mages interfering in his life. Aislinn didn't want to become another burden to him.

Aislinn didn't hold much faith in the Maker or in any kind of religion honestly, nor did she like to think of little sayings that were meant to help make the day go by easier and nothing more, but she found herself remembering a particularly cheesy one in that moment. _If you love something let it go. If it comes back, it's yours, if it doesn't, it was never meant to be_. Cheesy indeed, and she also didn't think she _loved_ Cullen. She could see herself loving him given the right situation, but right now, her feelings were simply that of caring and interest. So she had no intentions of thinking on the terms of Cullen being hers or anything of that nature, but she did actually find the line relevant to the point that if she ever saw him again, she'd probably be in a much better situation to do things right.

That's what she promised she'd if the opportunity ever came up.

As Cullen stepped into the hallway beyond Aislinn's chambers, he found himself fingering his cheek where she'd kissed him. He'd known that telling her he was leaving - which he felt he was completely obligated to do - was going to be hard, had waited two weeks since he'd found out that his new home was going to be Kirkwall to do so in fact, but he hadn't thought it was going to be quite _that_ hard. With a sigh of breath, he lowered his hand from the spot he could still feel her lips brushing against on his cheek even now, and continued walking down the chamber with an unsettled look on his face.

In all honesty, he'd wanted to tell her so much more than he just had, wanted to admit to her that she'd been one of the biggest reasons he'd survived any of the nightmare he'd faced, a fact he'd slowly realized over time, and wanted to tell her that while he wasn't upset about leaving the Tower at all, he really wished he could've brought her with him when he went to Kirkwall. Aislinn Amell, a mage like the ones who'd woven their evil spells and killed his friends in horrible ways, and he was sentimental towards her. Sometimes he nearly couldn't stand the thought of it, and it made him angry. Other times, he felt extremely privileged to even know such a woman. He had the notion he'd never meet another like her.

None of it had been her fault. She was nothing like they were, nothing at all. She was the only mage he'd ever met that, even now, he still thought was tough enough to resist the temptations they faced everyday without question, the only mage he'd trust his life with, and he also felt that her Harrowing was a very good sign of that kind of resistance and determination in her which he admired so much. While he worried for her in going to Denerim, he wouldn't be surprised to hear that she'd be the only one of the mages to survive the battle.

He hadn't told her any of that though - he couldn't. It was bad enough that he carried these feelings for her which he'd worked diligently to bury over the past seven months, giving her as many cold shoulders as he could muster and generally avoiding her at all costs. But even if it weren't that she was a mage, his situation - and hers - didn't allow him to do so no matter how much he'd really wanted to and even felt he owed it to her to tell her what he felt he needed to. He'd just go to Kirkwall now, and continue to serve the Order and the Maker as he was meant to do, and not lose sight of that purpose.

If anything, he would be able to cut those feelings he'd developed for her out of his life for good now with the distance the change would bring. If Greagoir wouldn't listen to his reason, he'd just find someone who would, and move away from all of this.

He'd forget he'd ever been completely infatuated with a mage to the point that he felt he could safely say he loved her. Those were the kinds of things he'd been telling himself for seven months, and now, as he readied himself for his journey, he could only think that it felt as if she'd branded him on the cheek for the rest of his life with the kiss she'd given him.

His heart had stopped when she'd done so. He felt closer to a breaking point then than any demon had ever brought him to, but he let her kiss him, and let it hurt him to know that he couldn't reciprocate or have the sort of things with her that he'd love to have. Somehow, no matter how far away he moved, he knew somewhere deep down that he'd never forget about her in the way he'd so readily resolved to seven months before then.

It was a bitter farewell, and he needed it to be that way as a reminder. Life moved on, so he would too. He'd just let her keep his heart after he had gone.


	9. Perfect Circle

_IX. Perfect Circle_

_Kirkwall - Seven Years Later_

A pile of books landed on the bed and bounced slightly, slipping into a slope in the process, the subjects ranging from the theology of the Chantry to the mechanics of various items, both everyday types such as the printing press to rarer items. Most of the books were non-fiction and simply informational, except for the one that lay on the top. That one had the words "The Glass Cup" written across the front, and while the spines of all of the books had divots denoting their use in them, none of them had as many as that one did.

"So, you're off to go back to Ferelden, ey?," Ashmon, one of the newer recruits in the Order of Templars at Kirkwall, asked the man packing his things into a satchel. "I wouldn't mind goin' back home for a visit meself," he added with an accent typical of anyone from Starkhaven, "but only a visit. And not a long one. Sadly, Starkhaven's a bit too far away a travel just to visit for as long as I'd only want to stay before leavin' again."

The Templar Knight Captain had smiled over those words the younger member of the Order had just spoken, asking in response, "You have some issues with home then, I take it."

"No, not really. Just too borin'." Seeing his superior smiling over how he'd put that, Ashmon added, "So, what about you? You're _from_ Ferelden, right? Excited about goin' back home? Or just excited that you're about to become the revered Knight _Commander_ Cullen of the newly established Morsfeld Circle?"

Cullen grabbed some of the clothing he'd laid out to place into his satchel as his friend was asking him these questions, standing in his Quarters at the Gallows where the Circle of Magi in Kirkwall was located, an old Slave Prison formerly run by the Tevinter Magisters which the citizens of the city considered a gloomy landmark of its history. Cullen had served there for seven years now, rising to the rank of Knight Captain in nearly no time at all because of his similar views to Meredith, the former Commander there, but that wasn't to say it had all been a cakewalk of some kind.

After so long as the Captain of the Templars in Kirkwall, Cullen had received recommendation from the Revered Mother of the Chantry there - which was currently being rebuilt - to take up the position of Knight Commander at a relatively new Circle in Ferelden. He'd accepted the position for a few reasons, which he currently wasn't thinking too much on as he was packing up, getting ready to catch his ship departing from Kirkwall that evening.

Instead, he considered Ashmon's question before he answered it. "It's just a duty I'm taking, Ashmon, nothing more. As for going back to Ferelden, I suppose it will be nice to see it again, see what's changed there. It's been seven years after all."

"Oh, come on, duty my rear end," the Templar chuckled out softly. "You've got to at least have _some_ pride over your rise in rank. Only one thing's higher," he pointed out, saying as if it were the best thing in the world to become, "Knight Vigilant. That's a nice title if you ask me."

Cullen just gave a humble smile as he closed the satchel he'd been working on and moved it to the floor, then went to grab the last one that was empty, saying, "Knight Vigilant Ashmon sounds good. Perhaps it's a title you should shoot for."

"Always the humble one," Ashmon chuckled, then he stepped away from the wall where he'd been leaning and walked toward the bed, looking over the books that were laying on it as Cullen began to grab them to put them up, the last of his things to be packed away. "We'll miss you around here, you know? You held us together after everything that happened last year with Meredith. Hope you'll at least write from time to time."

"I'll do that," Cullen promised, stuffing three more books into his bag. "You've been some of the most capable men I've worked with." Afer he'd spoken, he noticed Ashmon picking one of the books up curiously.

"The Glass Cup," he said while glancing it over. "Never figured you as bein' one for fictional stories." He handed the book to Cullen when the man reached for it and looked at him, watching him pack it away with the rest of his things before shutting the last satchel and then slinging the strap over his shoulder.

"I'm usually not," Cullen admitted, "but that story happens to be an exception."

Ashmon grabbed one of the two brown leather satchels on the floor which Cullen was taking with him in order to help him to carry it out and down to the docks. Cullen had lifted the other bag by himself and started walking as he slung it over his opposing shoulder, stepping past Ashmon who let him go through the door first. As they'd done this, Ashmon asked him, "Oh? What's it about?"

Cullen stopped only briefly to grab a key from a pouch on one of his satchels which he turned to hand to Ashmon, saying, "I forgot, give this to Seagan when he arrives. It's the key to my chambers." Once Ashmon had taken the key to put in his own pouch, they began walking, and Cullen got back on the topic of the book again. "It's about a farmer who's wrongly accused of murders which take place on his land. He's inevitably thrown into prison for the crimes, and the story takes several good twists before it's finally over. It turns out the only thing you really know is that the farmer is innocent. Everything else becomes a bit more intricate." Cullen then shrugged, "It's an entertaining read anyway."

"Sounds interestin'. I'll have to look it up," Ashmon commented as they walked along, heading down the stairs which would lead out into the courtyard. "Why's it called The Glass Cup though?"

With a quaint smile, Cullen said, "That's actually one of the twists in the story that will ruin it if I tell you. But I'll just say that when the farmer is in prison, there is one guard he never sees the face of due to this strange helmet he always wears, and the Farmer always sees him drinking from a glass cup whenever his jailors have dinner. It's a cup that the farmer describes as looking out of place in the dank prison because it's so finely crafted and bejeweled."

Ashmon looked intrigued by the story's synopsis so far, and once they'd made it out to the courtyard and under the brightly shining sun that usually graced the skies of Kirkwall, they started heading down the steps amidst the old slave statues that stood tall and high above them, attached to the columns lining the stairs. As they reached the landing below, Ashmon added, "I'll definitely look into it."

"You should. It was recommended to me and I'm glad it was. It should prove to keep me occupied for this journey home."

"I'll bet. I get seasick so easily, so I don't envy you there."

Cullen had never gotten seasick, but he felt for those who did and had to travel. The ship was already in the harbor of the Gallows waiting when they got to the docks, the sailors taking luggage to be loaded on deck, and a crowd of people waiting to be boarded while saying goodbye to loved ones set the scene for them. As they reached the area, Ashmon tugged the satchel he'd been carrying for Cullen off of his shoulder and handed it to the man, saying, "Well, I guess this is it. Good luck in Ferelden, and don't forget to put ink to paper will you? Also, I almost forgot," he reached into his bag and pulled out a small box, "some of the men wanted to give this to you incase you got lost on the way."

Cullen lifted a brow at the white box, taking it and opening the top to see a compass inside, and he smirked, "I see. Trying to say that I have a poor sense of direction, then?"

"You know how the men are, pranks and jokes whenever they can muster them."

Nodding with a small smile on his face, Cullen shut the box and put it into one of his bags, replying, "Tell them I almost boarded the wrong ship then. That will make the compass seem extra special."

"Will do," Ashmon chuckled out. Then he became a bit more serious and stood at attention, lifting an arm over his chest and saying with a polite bow of his head, "It's been an honor, my friend. May Andraste and the Maker guide your path."

Cullen returned the same courtesy to Ashmon, making the same formal gesture and nodding his head. "You as well. May the Maker watch over you."

The first mate was calling for the next person in line as they said their goodbyes, which was Cullen, getting his name in order to add him to the ship's manifest, and Cullen turned to go, boarding the ship not too long later with one satchel still on his back, one of the crew members carrying the rest up the ramp behind him, and Ashmon watched him going, grinning the whole time. If anyone deserved to be made a Commander, it was Cullen, he felt. He'd always been diligent in his work, stern but fair, and he was devoted to the Maker and the Chantry. He'd inspired several of the Knights, and it was going to be tough to get used to not having him about.

The position for Commander in Kirkwall had been open, but Cullen had declined it for varying reasons, one of which being that things had become so hectic there that he didn't want to stick himself in a situation where he not only had to grow accustomed to what he would then be doing, but also grow accustomed to it while juggling the restoration of several differing matters in and around the city, including relationships between the mages and, well, everyone else after one had blown up the Chantry.

It had been hard to do, but things had been accomplished, were at least steadily working now, and as the ship he'd boarded which was named "The Arlessa" pulled out of the harbor, Cullen leaned against the railing and looked across the scenery at the framework for the new Chantry in the distance that was being built after the disaster that had struck it the year before. He sighed out a slow breath, wondering why such a thing had to happen, and he'd only been able to figure that perhaps it was something the Maker was trying to communicate, but what, no one seemed to have figured out exactly.

Some thought it meant war, some thought it was a sign that perhaps the Chantry wasn't right, was flawed somehow, and most thought it meant that mages were an evil force that needed to be wiped away from Thedas entirely. Cullen had his own thoughts over the situation, but he'd never really talked about them to anyone. Mostly he'd served as a mediator between people, trying to keep the peace as much as he could, but he himself thought it might have more than one single meaning unlike everyone else mostly seemed to make of the event.

As he stood there watching, The Arlessa sailing further and further into the Waking Sea, he noticed a shadow on deck coming from behind him and looked back to see one of the mages from the Gallows heading over, a man named Gillard who was heading to the Circle Tower at Lake Calenhad where Cullen had taken his first duties as a Templar all those years ago now. While Gillard was a mage, he was a rather nice, older fellow, and despite Cullen's reputation among the mages in the Gallows for being stern, Gillard had never acted as if he were offended or put down with everything going on.

Cullen felt it was safe to say that the older mage was one of the few he'd met in recent years that he actually felt he could get along with.

"Knight Commander," Gillard greeted properly, using Cullen's new title along with a smile on his somewhat wrinkled face.

Gillard was an older man, traveling to the Tower to take a position as a Senior Enchanter there, so Cullen greeted him in kind, "Senior Enchanter," he spoke with a return nod. "All set for this trip?"

"No," Gillard chuckled, "I hate sailing. But I'm ready to return to the Circle Tower. It's strange, I never thought I'd miss that place or ever say those words to be honest about it, but I almost feel like I'm anxious to see it again."

Cullen could relate to the part about never missing it, but he'd honestly never go back there, unless of course he absolutely had no other choice. Thankfully though, that situation had never arisen, and in response to the comment, he told Gillard, "I'm honestly surprised to hear that from a mage."

"What can I say," Gillard spoke with a shrug of his shoulders, a friendly smile on his face as the wind whipped through his white hair, "I'm an old softie. I'll bet you're at least looking forward to seeing this new Circle in Morsfeld. I've heard good things about it. Well, from a mage's perspective anyway. Not sure how much that might mean to a Templar."

"I've heard mixed things," Cullen supplied. "I'm not sure what's true and what's false however. I'll just have to see for myself."

With a chuckle, Gillard gave a nod of his head, "Very true. Rumor likes to fly around Kirkwall like nobody's business. By the time we get the story, who knows how often it's changed. Muria, the new mage who came to the Gallows a few weeks ago, seemed to confirm quite a few things however."

"Like what?," Cullen asked curiously even if these would be the words of a mage who's perspective might potentially be colored by some kind of bias. "Was she there?"

"She passed through during her travels," Gillard replied with a nod of his head. "She said she wished her family hadn't been moving to the Free Marches because she would have loved to stay there. She said it's more like a community than the Tower was."

The Morsfeld Circle, which the two of them were discussing, had only opened three years prior, but real information about it hadn't arrived in Kirkwall until recently. Apparently, it was a proverbial paradise of some type according to mages, supposedly a Circle that, in its short life, hadn't had one single report of blood magic or possession taking place - outside of a few failed Harrowings anyway - and typically, that sort of thing happened within at least a year or two if not a half of one. But while rumors among the mages said it was a proverbial paradise, the things floating around in the Chantry were an entirely different story, and those were the rumors Cullen had been more privy to.

From the sound of it, the Chantry simply didn't know what to make of the place a all.

Gillard interrupted Cullen's line of thought however when he said, "Well, for what it's worth, I hear their First Enchanter's a good woman, keeps things very open and cares for the people there. How or why the Chantry hasn't put some kind of boot down on it yet though, I don't know, no offense. Unless it's all untrue. But if it is, I bet they keep a _very_ close watch."

Cullen stared at Gillard with a confused expression, ignoring a bit of his own hair that had become wind-whipped as The Arlessa drew further and further away from Kirkwall, gaining some speed finally. Something Gillard said hadn't added up, and Cullen started by saying, "None taken," in response to the comment of the Chantry, then addressed the issue he wasn't able to make sense out of. "Wait, the First Enchanter's a woman? I thought his name was Uwen."

Gillard gave him a look when he mentioned that, and he started shaking his head, "No, I'm fairly certain it's not Uwen. He's a Senior Mage there from what I heard, Elf if I'm not mistaken. The First Enchanter is a young woman, oh, what was the name." He started saying random names aloud while trying to remember it. "Amy, Amber, Amerly...Amell, yes, that was the name I was given," he nodded confidently. "First Enchanter Aislinn Amell. Muria met her and was telling me all about it."

Cullen was staring and he couldn't help it. That was a name he hadn't heard in quite some time. When Gillard saw the look on his face, he asked, "Are you alright? You look like you've just been hit with a ton of bricks."

"No, I'm fine," Cullen said as if the exact opposite were true, then muttered out, "suddenly a little seasick," to hide why he was acting that way while he got a grip on himself. It wasn't far from the truth anyway, and Cullen added, "Doesn't happen often."

Gillard chuckled, "Well, I'm lucky then. Already so far out and still no nausea. Let's hope it continues that way. Whatever you do, don't eat or drink anything until you're sure it's passing, Ser. If you need any pointers to get rid of it, come ask me."

Cullen just gave a nod and continued to lean on the railing while Gillard let him have some peace and walked on. One he was by himself, his thoughts began churning almost as badly as the water below him against the hull of The Arlessa cutting through it. First Enchanter Aislinn? The Revered Mother in Kirkwall had told Cullen that First Enchanter Uwen was in need of a new Knight Commander, and had urged him to take the position because she felt, from the sound of it, that the place needed someone like him to keep it in line. Cullen had decided it would be a good opportunity and took her up on the offer. Why hadn't the Mother's information been accurate though? Maybe there'd been a name mix up? Maker knew the Chantry didn't always pay complete attention to the Hierarchy in the Circles of Thedas, not when it came to trivial matters anyway.

Either way, Cullen realized what he was stepping in, and that it was too late to go back now with The Arlessa already so far out to sea. He could barely even see Kirkwall in the distance anymore. _Maker, what have I gotten myself into now_.

Cullen hadn't seen or heard from Aislinn Amell in seven years. He still thought of her, however, and thought of her fondly. Every now and again, she would pop into his head, and he'd wonder how she was doing, where she was and what she might've been up to. He knew she was alive though because she had some distant family in Kirkwall, one of which was a mage in the Gallows. Her name was Bethany, sister to the now missing Champion of Kirkwall whom Cullen had heard that the Seekers had been looking for.l

She'd asked Cullen not too long after the Templars had brought her to the Gallows about something he'd mentioned to her older brother over knowing an Amell, and when he told her the name, Bethany said that was their second cousin and that they'd gotten a letter a few weeks ago stating that Aislinn was actually in the service of a rich nobleman and his family. She mentioned that Aislinn's healing skills were being put to good use.

Cullen hadn't thought to receive confirmation on her fate after the Battle of Denerim in such a way, but he was thankful for it. He still had feelings for her, even after so long, feelings he'd grown much more accustomed too over that time and had easily come to accept and admit to himself now that she wasn't around him anymore. Once he'd left the Tower, he'd promised himself he'd leave his heart with her, and he'd done just that. So knowing that he was going to be seeing her again, working directly with her even, made his gut clench.

Maker, he thought he'd gotten over that childish part of himself! Why now? After everything that had happened, why did this have to arise again? Had he not done a good enough job resisting it the first time around? Perhaps he had, but then had gone and done something terrible to deserve a retrial, such as not realizing something was wrong with Knight Commander Meredith sooner, or allowing a mage to destroy the Chantry without sensing something coming more easily.

_Maker help me_, he thought silently, _as long as I don't make a fool of myself again, maybe I can handle this_. One thing he did know was that he couldn't just back out, especially not now when he was already heading to Ferelden, getting further and further into the Waking Sea. But the Maker knew the truth in that he wanted to jump overboard and swim back to Kirkwall the more he thought about it. If he'd known that Aislinn was the First Enchanter of this new Circle of Magi, Cullen knew he wouldn't have accepted the position from the very start, no matter how much the Revered Mother insisted. He'd done his best to get used to the idea that his infatuation with Aislinn was a thing of the past, so putting himself in a situation where those feelings would likely resurface wasn't at the top of his list of things to do.

Then again, maybe the woman had changed, and she wasn't what he'd known before. Or, while he doubted it, she might even be married possibly. He pushed the second thought out of his head completely as soon as it hit him and decided to bank and hope on the "hopefully she's changed" part. The idea that she was married didn't settle well, and while he could've kicked himself for such a reaction, he couldn't help but admit that it was the truth.

With a sigh, he looked up and out over the open waters, ahead at what was coming. This was going to be a disaster.

It would take a week for The Arlessa to sail over the Waking Sea at minimum, and in Cullen's journey, it took a week and a half due to a few storms. He'd almost taken his copy of The Glass Cup and thrown it overboard during that time, afraid that if Aislinn saw it, she might remember that she'd suggested it and think it strange that it was now his favorite story, but he'd decided against that. She wouldn't remember such a small thing. It was inconsequential, only a memory to him because of his feelings for the woman, so he was panicking for nothing.

Once the ship docked in Gwaren, it would take another week to reach Morsfeld, the small town outside of which the Circle was located and was also named after. Morsfeld was a relatively new place, located on the edge of the Brecilian Forests in the South Reach, a tiny town with mostly farmers, woodcutters, and tailors occupying it. The entire time Cullen traveled there, he did his best to keep thoughts of the meeting with Aislinn off of his mind, but the closer he got, the more insistent those thoughts were.

The group he was traveling with, which included two new Templar editions to the Morsfeld Circle whom he met not long after he'd reached land, arrived at the Circle during midday after arriving outside of Morsfeld via a caravan that had dropped them off with their things and three horses on the roadside under an overcast sky that was typical of Ferelden weather. It was cold and drizzling on and off, but the area was much more green than most of the country could be from time to time. That may have been because of their proximity to the Brecilian Forest, but it was nice to look at.

It still smelled like wet dogs though, animals of which could be heard barking in the distance as the trio of travelers moved away from Morsfeld with the directions they'd been given which were simple enough. Cullen thought that was humorous. In Kirkwall, people had complained about how Fereldens smelled of dogs constantly, but he'd never noticed it before. Now that he'd come back however, he definitely picked up on the scent.

As they took the path they'd been directed down, they eventually saw the Morsfeld Circle in the distance. At first, all they saw were large, granite walls, but when they got closer, they could see what those walls were built around.

The establishment itself was...not what he'd expected. Perhaps five stories rose up from the ground in a cathedral style manor, the wings of which stretched out to both sides for a good distance. Perhaps it was the architecture of the structure which had thrown him off - honestly, he would have expected to find a Chantry there had he not known it was a Circle. It was also beautifully intricate in design, even from the distance he was at currently. On top of this, the travelers could see as they drew in closer that Templars were standing sentry in the light drizzle that had started atop the tall walls. That was perhaps the one sign that the place wasn't a Chantry in specific.

The gates were metal and as the three approached, they heard one of the Templars standing sentry calling out, and those gates began lowering as a drawbridge over a mote that surrounded the place, making for a very good defense and offense incase of some kind of attack - yet another sign that this wasn't just some large Chantry. Had it been, Cullen doubted it would be surrounded by walls at all, and instead, open to anyone who wanted to give praise and seek the Maker.

Heading across the drawbridge greeted them with a large yard hosting a few gardens with flowers planted around statues depicting Andraste and other such decorations of the courtyards. One of his traveling companions whistled lowly over it, and Cullen had to agree with the sound. He was somehow wondering what Gillard might've said about this if he could've seen it.

"I had a friend at the Tower who flat out refused to come here," the same companion mentioned. "If he could see this, he might change his mind."

They'd slowed their horses to a quick trot along a cobblestone path that lead around and to the front of the establishment as the Templar had said this, able to see a few mages in the yard that were walking inside since the rains had started falling, and some of them looked over to see the travelers coming. An older woman with them smiled when one of them seemed to mention it to her, and she'd apparently told them all to go on inside while she turned to stand on the marble porch and waited for them.

Once the Templars had made it to the front of the manor, young stable hands took the reigns of their horses for them, calling for a little help in gathering the newcomer's supplies. The Templars dismounted as this was going on, and Cullen grabbed a satchel from his horse's saddle while one of the young men asked him what was his so they could usher it up to his chambers. Once he'd directed them to his things, the young man nodded and began to carry them off while Cullen's two traveling companions were given the same treatment.

The stable hands began reigning in the horses to be put away, and as they walked off, the older woman still standing on the porch smiled down at the three newcomers in greeting while they approached.

"Hello, I'm Ila, a Senior Mage here. You three must be our new postmen and Knight Commander. Which of you is Ser Cullen?"

"I am," he replied to the older mage as they reached the top of the steps, getting shelter from the rain under the tall roof of the porch. An odd sight was settled close to them as well, one which Cullen couldn't say he'd ever seen before, but about ten feet to his right was a Templar and a mage sitting at a table playing a game of Chess. He decided that now wasn't the time to ask anything and just focused his attention on the woman standing in front of him.

Ila was older, but she had a sweet face, and she nodded at him with a smile that reminded him of a Grandmother's. "It's good to meet you. I was told to inform you when you arrived that Revered Mother Marlyena sends her regrets that she couldn't be here to greet you personally, but she had some sudden business rise up which she had to attend elsewhere. The three of you need to go inside for now so you can get settled however, and dried off," Ila then looked over toward the door and spoke, "Lillia, dear, make sure they're taken to their rooms would you?"

Lillia was a young Elven girl with long, blonde hair and big blue eyes who gave the Senior Mage a quick nod of her head and replied, "Yes, Messere," then went to open the front doors and waved her hand at the three Templars, adding, "Come with me, please."

The men began to follow Lillia who was a short thing but looked like she was at least in her mid teenage years. But Cullen was drawn more to looking around the inside of the Circle than anything else. Murals were painted on the ceiling of the entryway corridors depicting Andraste and her fight against the Barbarians, which eventually changed to one of her in song and charming the heavens. The story unfurled the further they went, and ended with what was her ascension to the Maker's side, showing an artistic vision that summed up the thought that with diligence and strife, you could meet heaven someday.

Cullen didn't stop looking up until they'd walked into a large foyer with stairs leading up on both sides of the room. The Circle looked extremely well kept, and while he'd never been to the place, he wondered if this was the type of structure and design that the Grand Cathedral in Orlais held. If it was nicer than this place, and he could only guess that it was, then he'd definitely have to make a journey there sometime in the future.

Lillia led them up the stairs on the right side of the foyer and through the doors at the top landing. As she did, she told them, "This is the floor where all of the Templars have their off-duty quarters. Some have to share their chambers for now until the new facility can be completed."

As she got to the end of the hall and turned right, she added the words, "Messere, your room will be at the end of the hallway here," to Cullen.

He gave a nod of understanding, having taken notice of the suits of armor standing here an there between columns lining the corridor and mounts of fine weaponry on the walls when another voice suddenly sounded to them all. The three Templars looked up to see an Elven mage in a finely tailored green and blue robe, with long brown hair that had some streaks of grey in it which was tied back at the nape of his neck, who was walking toward them.

"Greetings. Lillia, are these our newest?"

"Yes, Ser Uwen," Lillia replied a nod of her head, coming to a stop so they could introduce themselves.

"Good," he replied, then turned his attention to the Templars. "I'm Uwen, one of the Senior Mages here. It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope your journey was agreeable."

They confirmed that it had been fine while Uwen listened and then gave a wave of his hand, saying, "Well, I hate to interrupt, but I've been instructed by Knight Commander Honnely to come and find the new Commander. Which of you might be him?"

Cullen felt popular all of a sudden, but he stepped forward and said, "I'm Cullen."

Uwen gave a friendly smile, then looked at the young lady with them and said, "Lillia, continue please. I'll show Ser Cullen where he needs to go."

"Yes, Ser," Lillia replied, then informed her charge that it was right down the hallway while Uwen turned and held out a hand for Cullen to politely offer for him to go first. Cullen began to move without hesitation, and Uwen fell into step next to him, speaking after a brief moment of silence.

"Honnely had to take care of a matter with our First Enchanter, so he sent me to come and make sure you were settled in. Also, Revered Mother Marleyna wanted us to convey her apologies to you since she had a matter of personal business arise without warning which she needed to attend. She won't be back for a week, but she wanted to be here to greet you herself."

"Yes, the mage outside told me as much," Cullen nodded in response, his mind on too many things to count in that moment while they moved down the hallway and toward a set of doors at the end which Uwen reached over to open. While the Elven mage turned the knob, then tested a key on it to make sure it would lock, Cullen admitted, "I wasn't sure who or what to expect honestly."

Uwen chuckled softly and opened the doors, then handed the key to Cullen now that he knew he'd gotten the right one for certain. Cullen took it as the mage then stood to the side to allow him to step into his new quarters before walking in behind him. "I'm certain it didn't matter after traveling for so long. You could've been greeted by a group of Dwarves outside and you probably wouldn't have raised any questions over it."

Cullen had to smirk over the notion while he looked about at the nicely spacious room, saying, "That's likely true." But he couldn't help from thinking to himself as he took his chambers in that this wasn't a typical room. It felt more like a home in itself because of the amount of space he had in it. The bed was large, with four posts made of a fine oak carved by skilled hands at each corner, and there was a fireplace across from it with a large mantle sporting mostly empty bookshelves on each side. In front of it was a cushion sofa seat with a round, wooden table next to it, and on the far wall was a large window that currently had its blue and shell colored drapes drawn.

Uwen had gone to open them in order to let a little more light in while Cullen settled his satchel down on his bed for the time being, noticing that the young men who'd taken his things earlier had settled them on top of a trunk at the end of his bed. Once he saw this, he looked over at Uwen and asked, "Are you certain this is mine?"

"Yes," Uwen replied, looking about quietly. "Is something wrong? Perhaps you need something bigger?"

There were bigger rooms than this? Cullen decided not to comment and lifted his hands as if to silently stop Uwen, saying, "No, it's not that. I just wasn't expecting something quite so...spacious."

"Ah, I see," Uwen gave with an understanding nod of his head. "I know how you feel. When I saw my room for the first time, I remembered my family back in the Alienage in Denerim and thought to myself that our entire home would fit inside of it. I almost felt a bit ashamed to have it."

Cullen could relate in so many ways, but he'd never set foot inside of an Alienage, so he really wasn't sure just how bad Uwen's past might've been for him. Instead of mention it, he simply changed the subject. "It will take some getting used to. But I think there was some mis-communication somewhere by the way. The Revered Mother in Kirkwall thought that _you_ were the First Enchanter."

Uwen gave Cullen a confused expression, asking, "I wonder why she'd think that? The letter Marlyena sent was accurate with the information. Marleyna knows me too well to mistake me for the First Enchanter, she and I are good friends."

"Perhaps whomever read it forgot the details."

"That's possible," Uwen nodded. "I apologize for that. Our First Enchanter's name is Aislinn Amell," he informed Cullen. "She's mentioned you, so maybe you remember the name?"

_Maybe?_ Cullen might have rolled his eyes if it weren't for the fact that he'd only just met Uwen. "Yes, I do remember the name," he nodded his head, thinking about lying by saying _vaguely_, but he decided against that. "I was told on the way here as well who the actual First Enchanter was."

"Good, then hopefully you won't be too confused since you've had time to adjust to the actual truth." Uwen said, then waved a hand and added, "Anyway, I'm to bring you to the First Enchanter's study when you're done settling in. That's where Honnely went and asked me to bring you. I can wait outside for you to unpack if you'd prefer. There's no hurry."

Cullen considered that, saying, "Let me go through my things to make sure it's all here. I'll be right there."

"As you wish," Uwen nodded, turning to go to the door. Cullen watched him stepping out, and once the door was shut, he did exactly as he'd said he was going to do. He found everything in place, nothing missing, and as he went through his final satchel, he pulled out a vial that he'd been looking for. It contained the blue substance called Lyrium, and it was his last dose. The Revered Mother had given him just enough for the trip. Thankfully, he'd had a dose of it in the past three days, so he wouldn't have to worry for a few more.

Packing it back up for the moment, he turned and walked to the door. He would have rather stayed in his room and started setting everything up to his liking, but he also wanted to get this over with. He'd been dreading how he might act during this coming moment for the past two and a half weeks and he wanted to get past it already.

On the way, he wondered if Aislinn had been even the slightest bit nervous, or even anxious about meeting him again. He'd been under the impression this entire trip that she might not remember him at all however, especially after how cold he'd been after the incident in the Circle Tower. It seemed strange to him somehow, that he was back in her vicinity again, even if it wound up meaning nothing. It just seemed like a perfect circle had just completed itself in a way, and considering the way the place looked, he wondered how well the term might apply.

Whether it was the perfect Circle or not however remained to be seen.


	10. First Impression

_X. First Impression_

Uwen led Cullen to the third floor where the Senior Mages and the First Enchanter both had their chambers and their studies. Stepping down the hallway to the last door before there was a turn to another section of the manor, Uwen stopped and said, "This is where our First Enchanter conducts her business. Hopefully you won't get too lost around here."

Cullen really had nothing to say, settling for a simple nod, because he was focusing so hard on keeping himself casual. There was laughter coming out of the study from behind the closed door which Uwen was reaching for, and Cullen somehow felt as if this might've been surreal, perhaps another dream he was having that wasn't actually happening. But as Uwen turned the knob and opened the door before he stepped inside, there she was, Aislinn Amell, speaking with an older Templar and apparently laughing at something he'd had to say.

Her smile was bright, her hair was tied up into a bun on the back of her head, her blue robe was made of a material that had a slight sheen to it and outlined her beautifully with a sash tied low around her hips, and most of all, her laugh was enchanting.

_Maker...she hasn't changed a bit._ Meeting this part of his past again, Cullen forgot where he was for a brief moment. He'd told himself that his feelings wouldn't resurface that badly, that if anything happened, it would do so over time. It'd been seven years since he'd known her, and his heart would have forgotten and need time to remember again.

Sadly that wasn't the case. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of her, and he felt like that young, inexperienced Knight he'd been before all over again.

Something he vaguely noticed while coming to grips was that, on Aislinn's hip, was settled a little girl who looked to be maybe four or five years old, with a crop of curly golden blonde hair and big blue eyes, her thumb shoved into her grinning mouth. It didn't register at first though as Cullen actually managed to remind himself that he needed to walk in with Uwen, and he did so before he looked like a complete dolt.

Aislinn happened to look over when the door opened, and upon spotting Uwen entering first with Cullen behind him, she exclaimed, "Oh! Back already," and she settled the little girl down in a chair that was against the wall before she stood up straight again and walked over toward them.

"Yes, Aislinn, it seems our newest have been able to get their things settled in a bit. Honnely, the new postmen are going to be sent to the barracks whenever you're ready to find them. I also wanted to point out, Aislinn, that there was a slight mis-communication with the Revered Mother in Kirkwall. She thought _I_ was the First Enchanter and told your new Knight Commander as such."

Aislinn gave Uwen a bland look that said she wasn't completely surprised, and then she smiled up and over at Cullen, a smile he'd been warning himself to put a mental shield up against for a while now. "I'm sorry about that confusion then, but I'm glad you made it alright. Hopefully the confusion doesn't change anything."

"No, not uh," he stopped himself, thinking _here I go again_, and cleared his throat. "Excuse me. But no, not at all, First Enchanter Aislinn. I was surprised to hear your name when I was corrected, but there's no harm in it." _Thank the Maker I can speak like a normal man at least. Doesn't make it any less hard to stare however_.

Aislinn grinned and nodded, "Come in then, please, have a seat, you've come a long way. Oh, and meet the former Commander you're replacing, Ser Honnely. Ser Honnely, this is Ser Cullen."

The older man smiled and crossed his arm over his chest in greeting typical of the Order, saying, "Well met, Ser Cullen. Aislinn's told me a little about you."

That surprised Cullen, who greeted him in return and asked, "She has?"

"Not much," Aislinn piped up while walking toward the large desk in the room and behind it. "Just about how I knew you from the Circle Tower in Ferelden, the things we both went through there included."

"I see," Cullen spoke, then turned and settled himself in the chair across from the desk that Aislinn was heading behind at that moment. She was busy getting a few things together while Uwen was apparently informing of her their locations as if she'd had a lot on her mind that day in particular.

While this went on, Honnely commented to Cullen, getting his attention, "That was tragic, what happened in the Tower, but of course, any comment I make on the matter would more than likely be insufficient."

"That it was," Cullen agreed somewhat softly, adding, "but the important thing is that not everyone had to die."

As Cullen had spoken that to Honnely, Aislinn was telling her Senior Mage, "Uwen, go fetch me that crate if you would, you know which one I'm talking about."

"Yes, Messere."

Uwen turned to walk away, and Honnely grabbed a cane from where it was leaning next to him against the wall, which he turned on and said to Cullen, "I agree, some of our duties are not so pleasant. But I'll see myself out for now, find those new postmen before they get lost," he chuckled and then added more to Aislinn than to Cullen, "If you need anything of me, come ask." Following this, he looked back at Cullen and said, "Ser, I'll see you shortly in the assembly."

"Yes, Ser," Cullen returned politely as the older man used the cane to walk out of the office, showing Cullen exactly why they needed a replacement if Honnely was disabled in such a fashion. Cullen briefly wondered what might've happened to the man, but he supposed he'd find out later.

"Thank you, Honnely," Aislinn replied as she was going over some papers she held in her hands, and without even looking up, added, "Gracie, don't you dare."

Cullen remembered the little girl and looked over at her to see that she was ready to try to bounce up and down on the cushioned chair in which she was sitting, and she turned a bright and very cute smile up at Aislinn while the mage shuffled her papers. But Aislinn saw her and smiled as she sat down behind the desk she was at, all while Gracie said, "Mama, can I have a lolly?"

"You already had one, Gracie."

"I know, but I ate it. So now I don't got it no more! I need another to replace it," she added as if both certain and sad about it.

Aislinn leaned forward just a bit while reaching up to rub her eyes. She was amused by what Gracie had just told her, drawing out the word, "Child," before she turned and reached into a drawer in her desk just as Uwen was coming back into the room with a small wooden crate in his hands that was key locked. He went over to settle it near Aislinn on her desk as she lifted up a bit of candy from the drawer that consisted of a small wooden stick with a wrapper on the end of it covering a bit of hard candy and handed it to Uwen.

"Give that to Grace when her class is over, please Ser, and thank you so much," she smiled.

Uwen nodded before he turned to go over to Gracie, the little girl reaching up to grab his shoulders as he lifted her from the seat. "Come on, child, it's time for your class."

"Can I still have the lolly?"

"Yes, once your class is over. Is that fair?"

"Yes, Ser," Gracie nodded enthusiastically as Uwen carried her from the office. Cullen noticed her giving him a strange look on the way out as if she didn't know what to make of him, but she disappeared before anything more could be said or done, leaving Aislinn and Cullen to converse. Aislinn had put her papers down by the time they'd left and Cullen glanced back over at her, wondering when she'd become a mother.

"I uh...wasn't aware that you...had a daughter." Why hadn't the Chantry taken the child from her, he wondered.

Aislinn had been going through her drawers and she'd tugged out a key when Cullen's comment came, which made her look up at him to say, "Oh, well she's not my _actual_ daughter. She's adopted." Settling back in her chair, she explained, "Templars found her and about five others in a village after it'd burned to the ground a little over a year ago. The fire was so bad it consumed the forest surrounding it for several acres. No one knows how it started, but we're suspecting there was some blood magic involved because the Templars had been tracking a known mage at the time. It was questionable though, but in any event, all of the people found died except for Gracie, and she didn't speak for nearly half a year after that. Honnely brought her here with the others, and I suppose she took to me after a while."

"I'm sorry to hear about her village," Cullen replied, thinking the story sounded bad, especially if blood mages were behind it. "But at least she seems to have settled well."

"She has," Aislinn nodded, smiling over the thought before informing him, "she's actually a mage too."

Now Cullen _did_ look surprised. "That young?"

"I know, the youngest we've ever seen," Aislinn said with a nod of her head. "Honnely was trying to figure out if she's the youngest ever recorded, but the records are just too vague so far. She's only shown one sign in a year though, and honestly, we're thinking we just noticed because she was here among the mages. But this is her home now and I officially adopted her when I learned that she had magical ability with the Revered Mother's approval. She was already calling me Mama by that time anyway. Though, I think everyone here looks at her fondly, motherly. The Revered Mother looks at her like a grandchild, it's actually pretty funny to see them when they're together."

She did seem like a very sweet little girl, and Cullen could see why because of that. Having thought that Gracie was Aislinn's actual daughter however had given him mixed feelings. He'd considered she may have actually been married if that were the case, and he had no place to feel jealous, but a twinge of it had streaked through him anyway, which he'd quickly diffused in his own head and berated himself for.

But Aislinn had distracted him when she changed the subject by saying, "Anyway, how was the trip here? I hope the rain didn't bother you too much."

She watched him for a moment as he considered it just before he said, "No, it just made things colder. Kirkwall's a bit warmer than this, and I think I've grown used to it."

"Welcome back to Ferelden then," she chuckled softly. "You've been out in the sun a lot from the looks of it as well."

"I have?," Cullen asked, uncertain he knew what she meant.

"Your hair, it looks a lot lighter," she replied with an amused smirk. "Well, from what I remember anyway. But how was Kirkwall though? That is, before everything that happened I mean."

Cullen considered that question for a few moments, wondering how he might sum up his time in Kirkwall to her. Finally, he just settled on saying, "The Order was much more organized than it was at the Tower, and the rules imposed on the mages...," he trailed, trying to think of the best way to put it without possibly offending her, and finally settled on the words, "more strict. It," he paused yet again, then looked to the side, "worked to a point. Though you may think I've become biased after...everything that happened."

The Circle Tower, she thought to herself, and shook her head at him. "No, I think your views are based on sound facts," Aislinn replied. "It's why I requested you."

"You...," he paused briefly, "re-requested me?" Cullen hadn't known about that part. "They didn't say I'd been requested, only suggested for the...uh...position by the Revered Mother here."

"Yes, and when I heard the suggestion, I made the request directly to her. Her name is Marleyna. You'll probably meet her before too much longer, she's currently out on a little personal business for now though."

"Yes, I heard," Cullen nodded. After a moment of hesitation, because he was curious about what she'd said, he asked, "Might I inquire why it was that you requested me? I've heard the practices here go against standard Chantry rules and it's causing a stir," he shook his head at her, adding, "yet you know my position on matters regarding mages."

"Your position is why I requested you," Aislinn returned with no lack of confidence. "I felt your position on these matters was a needed view point in order to keep things going smoothly. The Chantry _wanted_ someone like you sent here, and I thought that it was necessary as well. Honnely doesn't always agree with me, nor I with him, but we do have similar standpoints in most of our little debates, and compromise is reached easily, perhaps too easily with all of the tension going on. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't overlooking anything, and I thought that you might be a good option in helping to ensure that doesn't happen."

"I see," Cullen replied, giving a nod or two in thought. She wanted to bring his own standpoints here for the good of this Circle, which made sense. Seemed the next logical step was to then ask, "Then tell me more about what kinds of policies you follow here. How does Honnely go about things?" One thing Cullen was glad for was that he could apparently be professional with her in the least without bumbling his way through sentences.

Aislinn sat forward just a bit in order to lean her elbows against her desk while saying, "Well, foremost, this Circle encourages the mages and Templars to get to know one another, something we weren't sure would work at first, but has since become a standard practice. It seemed like the first most logical step to take to integrate rather than segregate and help things flow more smoothly. This goes against some of the Chantry's policies because they're afraid that too much attachment to a mage might cause a Templar to fail in his duty to that mage if the worst should arise, which I'm sure you already know."

It was a rule Cullen knew all too well, and easily remembered considering the woman he was looking at. He'd become attached to her, and the Chantry saw that as a potential weakness saying she ended up going bad and he had to hunt her down and deliver a final blow. They'd question whether he'd do his duty or not if they knew of his fondness of her, and might potentially relieve him of his duties altogether for it.

Since she seemed to understand that rule as well, he asked her, "Yet you don't fear something like that would happen?"

"Not in specific, no, not anymore," Aislinn told him plainly. "There's a certain amount of trust involved with this situation here that's surprised a good number of us, and the mages completely understand the necessity of what would be expected from a Templar should one of them fall prey to a demon or to blood magic. While I have my own personal views on it, most of the mages here regard it as a necessary precaution considering the way things are now, ever since the Chantry in Kirkwall was destroyed by a mage."

She took a breath, then added meaningfully, "Most of them are scared of what that event has brought on, and they don't _want_ to leave here, afraid of what might happen to them on the outside. The world isn't a welcoming place to us and we know it. Most here believe they can do more good for mages by working together in this Circle than by running away from it."

"That seems...admittedly odd," Cullen said, his tone showing that he was surprised. "Most mages I've ever met would rather run from a Circle and lead a life on their own, not stay in one, even for their own protection."

"They _do_ want a life of their own," Aislinn admitted, "but they want it in a world that accepts them. Here, they have that acceptance and have a chance to make others see. It may not be the independent, normal life we all want, but it's safe and it's family. Some of them have even told me that they feel like coming here might have saved their lives."

Cullen was starting to see the full picture behind this place now. He remembered spying the Templar and the mage on the porch playing Chess at a small table before he'd come in and wondered if that was a small taste of the things he might see here. The place had been set up to be much more of a community than that of a facility where mages were living just so they wouldn't have to worry about stepping on someone's toes in a sense. In order to do that, integration so the mages could understand more about what was expected of the Templars had been employed.

He had to admit, he was intrigued. He hadn't really thought of it with much of a sense of community. Then again, he did question that as well. So he admitted to Aislinn, "I'm having a bit of a difficult time understanding how this kind of integration can accomplish anything good in the long run."

"Well," Aislinn started, "tell me what a Templar's primary duty concerning mages is then."

"To guard against the potential dangers and threats they all pose," he told her without reservation, adding, "and to ensure they're all in line. The Order dictates that we must stay vigilant against all threats."

"So, it's a Templars duty to protect, both normal people from a mage's power, and a mage from his or her own," Aislinn summed up.

"Yes," Cullen agreed.

Aislinn was silent for a moment, letting that part sink in before she asked plainly and logically, "So, tell me then, Ser Cullen, why you'd ever want to protect something you hated or feared?"

Cullen watched her, seeing the sense in what she'd said, and he considered it for a moment. It was a good point. He didn't hate mages in specific, but he knew he carried a good amount of disdain for them, and he had to ask her considering she knew how he felt about it, "Are you suggesting that I'm not fit for my duties then?"

"Oh, I'm definitely not going that far," Aislinn replied, then she gave him a little smirk, waving her hand in his direction before asking, "Are you suggesting that you both hate and fear mages?"

"I don't fear them," he said easily, then let a soft sigh. "I did hate them for a long time, however."

"And now?"

"I feel disdain for them," he admitted, giving her a slow look. "Is that...unfitting?"

He watched her perking a single brow before she gave a slow shake of her head. "I couldn't tell you that. Everyone feels differently and for different reasons."

"Then how do you propose I approach this situation, commanding the Templars of a Circle when I don't think they should be...associating to much with the mages?"

"I think you should approach it the same way you'd approach any situation. Know what's going on around you first so you can make the best decision on how to respond, then respond to it."

She made it all sound so simple. Cullen couldn't help himself when he sat forward a bit and said to her, "You were _in_ the Tower when everything crumbled from beneath our feet, yet you can honestly condone this? If the Templars of the Tower had been _friends_ with the mages, it would have been a hundred times worse for them."

"If the Templars had been friends with the mages," Aislinn returned, "I _could_ say that not as many would have turned to blood magic to escape a situation they felt imprisoned by, but I'm sure you've heard that argument several times before. An argument that I _don't_ think you've heard however is that if the Templars had been closer to them, they would've known easier who to suspect of using blood magic and who not to, and things could have ended more quickly than they did."

Cullen was just about ready to make a reply, but he found himself unable to. What she'd said was true. Knowing the mages would have helped, and he knew for a fact that not many in the Tower did. He gave her a slow nod of his head, finally saying, "That's true. So what about the Templars here then, how do they view this type of integration?"

That question seemed to make Aislinn grin for some reason. "Ser Honnely knows better than I do, but most of them are happy with it, though I think more Templars have flat out refused assignment here than any other Circle that I know of. Mother Marleyna dislikes forcing those Templars to take up duty here as well because she thinks the integration this Circle is trying to establish has to be a slow one, meticulous, and I agree with her on that. But the Templars who actually are here seem to be fairly happy with their jobs and say it makes sense. Honnely has issued no complaints to me."

She continued after a moment by adding, "Honnely does say that most of the Templars aren't put off by getting to know the mages when it comes to the thought of maybe having to track them down to kill them however, or kill them during a Harrowing. In all of our failed Harrowings, the Templars have always performed their duties. In cases of tracking, they said they felt it would help because they knew their potential target. So like I'd mentioned, I think it could serve to be beneficial in capturing renegade mages more quickly before they can do much damage if the Templar knows more about how the mage in question thinks, not that we've had any mages we've needed to hunt down thus far. At least, not from _this_ Circle."

In hearing this, Cullen had to ask her, "What about the mages? Don't they still feel...caged, knowing that if a Templar comes to understand their habits, they'll be able to track them down and kill them that much more easily?"

"I haven't kept it a secret from them," Aislinn spoke honestly. "They know the consequences of their actions. It's taken the mages a good bit of time to open up to the Templars as well, because of the way they feared they'd be treated." She sighed, "One asked me the same thing you just did. He wanted to know how I could ever expect us to integrate with Templars when they could become our death dealers."

Cullen listened, and when Aislinn didn't continue immediately, he asked her, "What did you tell him?"

She'd been looking at her desktop as he'd asked the question, and finally, her silver eyes drew back up to his face. Her voice was solemn and serious when she said, "I told him that I'd rather be killed by a friend than by an enemy if death was going to strike me down at all. I told him that I'd rather live among friends than among enemies, peacefully instead of fighting, even if the outcome at the end would be a tragic one."

"I see," he spoke softly, locked in gaze with her for a moment as he sat back in his chair. It seemed as if she'd had a lot of time to consider all of this, and despite his incredulity over it, he was glad that she had. "You'll have to forgive me. It's...quite different from what I'm used to."

"It's different from what we're all used to. The younger ones and new recruits seem to have an easier time of adapting to it."

He could see how that would be the case. After another moment of incredulous consideration over it, and he asked, "The Revered Mother here actually enforces this?"

"Much of it was _her_ idea," Aislinn informed him with a nod of her head. "When this Circle was under construction five years ago, and I met her for the first time, we began proposing ideas to one another, and things just seemed to click. She said she could find nothing in the Chant of Light or anywhere else that said the ideas we presented were either out of line or even went against Chantry dealings in a general sense. There have been some times when we've had to give in of course, with practices such as the Harrowing which several have mixed views on, but overall, our modified methods are working well. We've lost more mages to Harrowings than anything else, which is starting to make the test very questionable to both the mages _and_ Templars here.

"So as you can imagine, it's brought up quite a few discussions. Mother Marleyna is more of an idealist when it comes to mages herself, perhaps because she has a sister who's a mage, so she's always thought of ways to try to better the Circle of Magi's system. She doesn't think it needs to be eradicated, far from it, she just thinks it's heavily flawed."

"So she's not sympathetic to them since her sister is one?"

"Many assume that," Aislinn nodded, "and are less inclined to listen to her because of it. But she honestly isn't. Her sister is alive and well and has led a full life in an Orlesian Circle from what I understand, one without much problem. What would she have to be sympathetic to on the account of her sister? She simply thinks things need to be improved upon."

Cullen had to admit that so far all of this sounded like it really was a work in progress that needed to be looked after and perhaps even taken example from. But something was definitely settled in his mind that he was questioning, so he asked Aislinn, "Aren't you...fearful...at all that my views may put a stop to...what you're trying to accomplish here?"

"Not at all, I think they'll increase the usefulness of our efforts. We've already influenced other Circles in various ways, so word is finally starting to get out there, but no one will take notice unless we can show that this Circle isn't being biased in any nature. You, whether you agree with what we do or not, could help with that. That's why I don't think your disdain for us is unfitting."

Cullen didn't like how she'd said that, but he decided not to worry over it in that particular moment.

Some time passed in silence, and Aislinn wondered how he might've been feeling about all of this. She knew how it sounded at first, but there had been many who'd come to change their minds over time. As it sank into his head, however, he didn't seem to be completely disagreeable. Time may change that opinion, but for the moment, she was glad that he was at least giving the things she'd told him a chance to be considered.

So she got onto another very important topic with him, saying, "There's one last important thing I need to give you before you go to meet Honnely now. That is, if you don't have anymore questions?"

When Cullen shook his head no at her, Aislinn stood up and lifted the box that Uwen had brought in, and she settled it on the edge of the desk, stepping around to stand in front of it. From there, she turned and handed a key to Cullen, saying, "That opens this box. It contains all of the phylacteries of the Senior Enchanters in this Circle, myself included."

Cullen took the key as she spoke, standing up from where he'd been sitting, and he looked from her and to the box, asking, "You keep the phylacteries here? In the Circle with the mages?"

"Well, _you_," she enunciated, "keep the phylacteries where _you_ deem safest. As a measure of trust between the mages and Templars here." Once she'd explained that, she waved a hand and gave a few details, "Not mention they're easier to reach if they're not sent off to the Chantry in Denerim or wherever else they could possible go. Honnely will help you to lock these away and explain it in greater detail, but every Templar of status has an assigned box, meaning that there's a group of Templars for a group of mages who'll react if a situation goes bad. You and your party would be responsible for one of the Senior Enchanters or myself if that happened to one of us. So essentially, I'm handing this vial of my blood to you and saying that I trust you to do the right thing should worse come to worse."

Once she'd spoken, her face became a good bit more solemn as she explained, "We feel it's more meaningful this way, that the bond of trust and understanding of what the Templar's position is _supposed_ to be by the mages is taken much more seriously when one is handed the phylactery with such a purpose behind it. The mage knows this is who is protecting them, not simply..._watching_ them."

That sounded just like the Aislinn he used to know who'd rather die than become some kind of Abomination. Her words held a good bit of weight somehow, this bond of trust she spoke of seeming more meaningful as she'd lifted the crate and turned to hand it to him, and he wasn't blind to how important it was. Somehow, it was also an act he could see the merit in, despite the harsh truth behind it, and he gave her a slow nod of his head as he took the box, telling her in earnest, "I understand." Following those words, he looked back at the box and added, "Honestly, I'm...impressed...over the work that's been put into this Circle so far. I...I'll look forward to seeing more of it for myself."

There was the stuttering Cullen she remembered, Aislinn thought with a smile on her face. He'd seemed a little bit nervous but overall he was very professional about this, taking it seriously, and it was easy to see just how much he'd grown since she'd known him in the Circle Tower at Lake Calenhad. She herself had been having a somewhat difficult time when she'd realized he was going to be taking Ser Honnely's place as Commander, but she remembered a promise she'd kept, one which she didn't think on right that moment.

Instead, she stayed on topic. "I hope it agrees with you," she said in earnest reply. "If anything, I know you'll speak your mind. I think keeping secrets is the first step to falling after all, so I want to know the truth when it comes what you think."

_I think you're beautiful beyond words if you want the truth_, came the thought in Cullen's head, but he kicked it out as soon as it had, narrowed his brows, and nodded in agreement as seriously as he could. The way the Templars sometimes conducted themselves in Kirkwall must have influenced him a bit if he'd had such a thought just then. "I can agree with that, and I'll...try to give you as honest an opinion as I can muster."

"Well, in that case, I'll lead you to Honnely who'll finish this up for you. Unless there's something else you need first?"

"No, not that...that I can think of at the moment."

Apparently, unless he was speaking to her professionally, Cullen was bumbling through his words. He wasn't sure if he could have precisely helped himself in that moment however. It had been seven years since he'd seen her, so perhaps a little time would wear down the swells of emotions he had felt when he'd met her again - he hoped. But he knew the truth deep down. He would never completely get over the way he felt about her, mage or not, it just didn't matter to him in his heart. He was simply glad he knew he could feel the way that he did and still do his duty for her.

She didn't seem to notice though, like always. Aislinn just nodded, though she noticed something in that moment that she didn't remember from before. His eyes were green. She'd always thought they were brown, but she decided the light inside of the Tower wasn't exactly the best for that kind of thing. As she walked out, allowing him to take the box, she turned and shut the door behind him once they were in the hallway again and began walking. "You're going to be meeting with the Templars in the barracks shortly, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Well, if that's the case, I'd feel badly if I left you out of an invitation. Honnely, Uwen, and Ila are going to the balcony tonight in the dining hall to have dinner with Gracie and I. Ila is a wonderful cook, and she'd got a few things on the menu for it. It's something of an unofficial anniversary of the Circle's opening we like to have every year. You're more than welcome to join us."

"That sounds...uh...lovely." _Maker, she's not going to believe I meant that_.

But Aislinn was smiling at him, which he'd noticed when he looked down to see her face. As they got to the stairs and began heading down them to the second floor, she said, "Good. Honnely will lead the way once you're both done meeting with your new men."

"I'll look forward to it." The reply came easily somehow, probably because, as they'd reached the top of the steps, he'd gotten distracted in looking at her, and realized he'd been smiling at her as well for a few moments too long. So he cleared his throat nonchalantly, adopted a more neutral expression, and carried on. Whether or not she noticed, like always, she never said anything.

Hopefully, that kind of pattern would continue if he were going to survive this. No, he couldn't say he'd been too offbeat this time around, but he certainly hadn't felt any differently than when he'd been much younger and more inexperienced with matters.

Aislinn _had_ noticed though. She thought it was amusing, and she still couldn't _quite_ tell just what way he felt about her specific. A crush, love, deep caring, there was no real way to know. But she knew the best way to continue forth for now was to just be normal. Easier said than done, she figured, since when she'd seen him in the doorway to her study, she'd almost done a double take due to how different he looked and carried himself alone, but she'd manage.

As she led him to the Assembly Hall where quite a few Templars were going, she remembered the promise she'd made to herself that if she ever ran into Cullen again, she'd do things right. That was definitely her intention now. She'd had a long time to consider it, and she felt it might have actually been a long time in coming as well, who knew?

But her first impression was that things weren't so different now as they had been then. They were both just a little older and a little wiser. If anything, that would make it all a little easier.


	11. Guidance

_XI. Guidance_

Honnely was standing outside of the Assembly Hall when Aislinn found him, and he'd looked over and offered a smile to her and Cullen as they approached. "Ah, hello again, my friends."

"Ser Honnely," Aislinn smiled as a few Templars passed them in the hallway outside of the large archway that led into a room that looked to have been built for gatherings and presentations of various types - Assembly Hall being the perfect word for it. As Aislinn came to a stop in front of the older Knight Commander, she said, "I've brought you a young, wet behind the ears Knight to induct. Go easy on him." She chuckled and then smiled at Cullen and told him, "Good luck," in a teasing fashion.

Honnely was smiling over the way AIslinn said that before she walked away to go attend to her own business, and he gave his attention to Cullen, saying, "So, she gave you the Phylacteries. I also take it she spoke with you over a few things concerning the Circle here, such as how it's been handled so far?"

"She did. She told me that you'd show me where to have these stored."

"Of course, we have time before everyone arrives, I can do that now." Before Honnely continued, he tilted his head to the side slightly, looking behind Cullen as if trying to spot something in particular. So Cullen stepped out of his way, and when he did, Honnely called, "Ser Dreyan."

A Templar who'd been conversing with another just down the hallway looked over quickly, then bid his friend a farewell for the moment and started heading over to his commander. He was a little young in looks, with long brown hair and a little patch of hair growing beneath his lip on his chin. Once he reached them, he asked, "Yes, Ser?"

Honnely looked at Cullen and said, "I'd like you to meet your Knight Captain, Dreyan. Dreyan, this is Ser Cullen, the Knight Commander replacing me."

Dreyan, as serious as anyone Cullen had ever seen before, turned to him and crossed his arm over his chest, then bowed his head. "Well met, Ser."

"Well met," Cullen greeted in reply.

Honnely simply chuckled softly over the respectful display and told Dreyan, "Do me a favor, Captain, and hold things down here while I run an errand with Ser Cullen to one of the Vaults."

Dreyan gave a serious nod of compliance and Honnely turned, then motioned in the direction he was going to go. Cullen began walking, Honnely moving into step with him using his cane as always, and he told Cullen once they were out of earshot, "Dreyan's probably the most serious Knight I've ever met. Only twenty two and already a Captain. Though I could say the same of you. You're how old?"

"I'm twenty nine," Cullen replied.

"Twenty nine and already a Commander," Honnely chuckled. "I had to wait until I was thirty nine, and then I only got to be one for fifteen years before my accident."

Cullen listened, passing columns and windows in the hallway as Honnely spoke before they made it to the stairwell, and he noticed that while the man was a little slow, he seemed to move in stride and keep up anyway. At the steps, Cullen asked him, "Might I ask what happened?"

Honnely nodded his head. "Certainly. My leg was crushed in a landslide."

Cullen couldn't help but cringe over the sound of that. Honnely went on to say, "I was on patrol two months ago. The Revered Mother had asked me to double our duties in that effort because there's been word of a group of apostate liberationists about who've been attacking Chantries and doing Maker knows what else in the name of freedom."

Cullen couldn't help but to give a sour expression. He made no comment on it however and only let Honnely continue with his story.

"I suppose they heard about the Chantry in Kirkwall and thought to follow suit. Anyway, while I was out, a terrible storm came up, and I was forced into taking shelter until it passed. Sadly, lightening struck a nearby tree while I was trying, and my horse threw me and ran off, leaving me stranded about five miles away from the Circle. So I went to shelter myself, and I'm supposing I was close to the river, which had become swollen with the sudden downpour, because the area began flooding, forcing me up onto higher ground. That's where the landslide happened."

He went on to explain, "The rains had loosened up some of the rocks on the hills above. It wasn't a huge event, but it was enough, and that rock was just big enough to keep me trapped there for more than a day and a half before Aislinn found me herself. Sadly, by then, irreversible damage had already been done to my leg, but if she hadn't healed me once that rock was removed, I would've lost it completely, so I'm thankful for what I do still have."

Cullen could agree with that. It was better to still have a leg that could function even if only a little than to lose it completely. They'd reached the top of the stairs and the hallway above by then and Honnely was leading him to a set of large metal doors at the end of a corridor where Cullen told him as much, "I agree. We must be thankful for what we do have."

With a nod, Honnely said, "Not to mention I'd rather lose it to a storm than to a blighted Blood Mage. Honestly, I'm lucky the rock didn't pin me in the stream or I would've drowned. That's why it took them so long to find me, the water had washed away any means of tracking me."

Cullen gave a nod as they came to a stop in front of the metal doors where Honnely looked over at him and changed the subject by saying, "Anyway, this is one of the vaults, accessible only by the Templars. Using our cleansing aura ability on the door will open it. That will dispel the ward placed on the door in order to unlock it. When the door shuts again, the ward will reseal it shut."

"Warded by whom?," Cullen asked curiously.

"The senior mages," Honnely explained.

That confused Cullen, who informed Honnely, "Aislinn told me that she didn't know where these were kept."

"She doesn't," Honnely confirmed. "There's several vaults like this throughout the manor here, and some of the Phylacteries aren't even kept in them. I'll have to give you a listing of where the Captain has stored his and so on to see if it meets your approval. But these Vaults are very secure, and they all carry specific items, supplies, old tomes, things of that nature. This should hold the box for now, and if you change your mind later, you can have them moved."

"And none of the other mages ever come through here to see where they might be stored?"

"Even if they did, only the senior staff knows what's in those boxes, and they can't get into the Vault without a Templar to open the door."

Cullen nodded in understanding while Honnely opened the Vault for him, dispelling the magic and opening the door with a clink of metal sounding, allowing Cullen inside the large chamber. As he stepped through the door, he could see that there were, in fact, several items stored in the room. Weapons, armor, shelves with items that had likely been confiscated from apostates, old tomes, and miscellaneous things such as murals settled to lean against the wall on the floor as if simply in storage. Cullen settled the box down on a shelf and turned to walk back out, letting Honnely close the door behind him.

Once it had shut with a loud thud, the thud sounding a bit out of place which meant the magic was back at work again, Honnely stepped away from the locked portal and said, "So, should we head back to the Assembly Hall in order to get the introductions over with?"

"Certainly, but let me lead. It's about time I tried to learn my own way," he informed Honnely, who just laughed in return.

"I was lost for a year before I finally realized which way was up. It's a lovely place, but those Orlesian Architects made it so that you're staring at everything except for where you're going."

Cullen had to smile over the comment, thinking it was true since he'd been staring at the ceiling when he'd first walked in, and he told Honnely so. "Yes, the ceiling in the foyer is lovely."

That made Honnely laugh again, grinning as he replied, "That it is. To this day, I still have no idea what the rest of it looks like," and they both chuckled over the thought.

Once they'd sobered up from their amusement, Cullen mentioned, "I have to admit, I wasn't expecting this Circle to have so much of the Chantry's influence around nearly every corner."

Honnely smiled at him, seeming happy to say, "Yes, most say it looks like a Chantry instead of a Circle of Magi, which seems appreciated by many. I did a little research and found out that more mages attend Chantry function regularly here than in any other Circle I've compared it to yet as well. The Tower, the Gallows, the College in Cumberland. It's promising."

Cullen took that in, thinking he had to agree in that it did sound promising. He knew mages were, or at least could be religious, but he'd never really met a single one who'd been thoroughly dedicated. "It sounds that way," he said after a moment.

They were back on the stairs again, walking to the Assembly Hall once more, and Honnely smiled quaintly as he glanced over at Cullen, "You sound skeptical. Not that I blame you."

"Then you have doubts about this place?"

"I had more when I first arrived," he admitted. "But yes, sometimes I'm still uncertain. Still, things have progressed well, and I can't ignore that I think, even if there's fault in how we're trying to work things out here, that the group I'm working with is smart enough to see it, fix it, and pull together to keep things going toward something better."

Perhaps that was what he was missing, Cullen considered. He didn't know everyone yet, didn't know how well they worked together to keep this place going the way it was, and Honnely had more faith because of that, because he trusted those he worked with. But Cullen did know he could at least believe in the fact that Aislinn would strive to make it work, so he was definitely going to have to give the place a thorough inspection before he judged anything at all.

The introductions in the Assembly Hall went smoothly. Cullen didn't get to meet everyone in specific, but he met quite a few, most of his Lieutenants and the Captain Dreyan who he'd met before. He also met a few of the Sisters and one of the Mother's from the Chantry which he learned was located on sight with the Circle - a fact that didn't surprise Cullen one bit considering how integrated the place was. The Tower had it's own Chantry as well, but the Clergy was next to no where to be found there, where here the Clergy lived in the Monastery.

Ila was present at the Assembly Hall during the introductions with two apprentices, standing in for Aislinn who would have joined in if she could, but she had other business to attend which Cullen hadn't been privy to the source of. The entire function was very friendly, welcoming, the Sisters in attendance were young and, apparently, also new to the Circle. The Mother with them was named Johanna, a woman a little older than Cullen was who had blonde hair, brown eyes, and the face of someone you felt was not only ready to listen, but to also offer a hand if you needed it.

The Templars all seemed completely prepared to do whatever was demanded of them, and welcomed Cullen just as respectfully as he'd ever seen a contingent receiving a new commander. The best thing about it though was their morale and their spirit, which Cullen knew as well as anyone was an important part of any militia to keep up. Honnely had done these men well from the looks of it.

Dreyan, who'd taken over duties for Honnely until he could be replaced, was just as serious about things as the former Commander had mentioned he was. He didn't seem one bit worn down from his extra duties either, having decided to split up any duties the Commander couldn't perform amongst the five Lieutenants of the Circle's contingent. Cullen thought that was a good way to delegate responsibility, and it also gave the Lieutenants some experience in handling jobs usually taken on by higher ranks.

The only person who mentioned the dinner that Aislinn had invited Cullen to was Mother Johanna, who'd asked Cullen if he knew anything about it and would be free to join them. Honnely was close enough to hear at the time and he'd snapped his fingers suddenly as if the thought had completely slipped his mind. But Cullen informed them both that he'd already been told about it and had accepted the invitation to join them.

When everything was said and done, Cullen headed out of the Assembly Hall and up the stairs, determined to find the First Enchanter's study again without help on Honnely's suggestion so that he could inform Aislinn, if she'd returned, that the Phylacteries had been stored away properly and the meeting was over. Honnely mentioned that he would have done so himself, but his leg had began to hurt him which seemed to be a common occurrence, and that he was going to go take some medicine for it.

The hallways were mostly empty, only a few mages passing here and there after leaving their classes, and as he went, Cullen could've sworn he heard little footsteps following behind him.

He came to a stop and looked back, brows narrowed in confusion when he didn't see anyone else around despite the sounds he'd heard, but then he peered a tiny set of shoe covered feet attached to a little girl hiding behind a set of drapes to a window, and suddenly he got the idea that he _was_ being followed, but by an unlikely pursuer.

Turning to test this theory, he continued down the hallway to the stairs and surely enough, those tiny footsteps had started again. Cullen stopped in the doorway this time and looked back, around, and then down before he glanced at a statue across the way where he spotted a tiny hand holding onto the side of it, suggesting she was holding herself up behind the granite figure of Andraste. He wasn't precisely sure what to think now, but he got the feeling it was Gracie that was following him. One thing was certain though - the child could move swiftly.

But he turned and went up the stairs, knowing it would take the girl some time to reach the top, then waited around the corner quietly for her to reappear. Soon enough, Gracie stepped into the hallway slowly, looking to see which way the man she'd been following had gone, and when she didn't spot him, she shoved her fists into her hips and exclaimed cutely, "Oh...Maker's breath!"

Somehow, hearing that coming out of the four year old got Cullen to snort in amusement, which gave up his position not too far behind her, and she spun around quickly and gasped up at him, her blue eyes wide. The next thing he knew, she was giving him the evil eye, and following that, she exclaimed, "Rude!"

"You're right, I apologize, my lady," Cullen nodded, bending down so he was at a more even eye level with her. "I should have at least told you where I was hiding."

Gracie's frown melted away and she snickered and then shook her head, grinning at him. "No you don't! That's no fun."

She was impossibly adorable somehow, her blonde locks bouncing back and forth as she shook her head. But since Cullen had been wrong in her estimate, he asked her, "What did I do that was rude, then?"

"You hid when I'd found you!," she said as if it were nothing but absolute truth, adding, "Then I lost you! It's rude! Next time...you don't hide when I know where you are, okay?"

"Right, I'll keep that in mind," he replied, not completely sure what he'd just agreed to, but hopefully he'd stumble into getting it right however it might've went the next time she ended up following him. Still, he was curious, so he asked, "Why _were_ you following me, Gracie?"

"Because...you're new. Mama said...sometimes the new ones are hard to...um...," her brows furrowed and her lips pursed as she looked to the side in thought and finished, "...something."

Cullen decided not to interrupt, letting her think her thoughts through, until finally she looked back at him quickly and said, "Oh! Hard to get used to here!"

"I see. You were making sure I was alright, then?"

"Yes," Gracie nodded and popped her thumb into her mouth, using her other hand to twirl some hair around her fingers idly. Then she tugged her thumb back out and asked, "Do you like it?"

"Here?" When she nodded at his question, Cullen replied, "It's very lovely here."

That seemed to make Gracie happy. She grinned at him and told him, "I like it too. What's your name?"

"I'm Cullen," he informed her, and was somewhat confused when Gracie's expression went flat. With a shake of his head, he asked, "What's wrong?"

"I was hoping it was Bob."

"Bob?," he asked uncertainly.

"Yes, it sounds funny. I want a cat, so I can name it Bob."

Perhaps there was a longer story behind the child's fascination with the name, Cullen decided, but he agreed with her by saying, "Bob's a fine name for a cat. But what if the cat's a girl?"

"Uh," Gracie started, then shrugged, "Bob."

Cullen couldn't help but chuckle over the way she'd so simply put that, and before he could make any responses, she asked him, "Were you gonna go see Mama?"

"Yes, I was going to see her."

"Me too," she informed him and sucked her thumb into her mouth again, then reached for his hand with her free one. Cullen let her take it and felt her tugging as if she were going to pull him along, so he stood up and let her lead him down the hallway to the door of the First Enchanter's study. At least he'd been right in his direction, he thought to himself.

But Cullen chuckled at how she tried to pull on him, deciding to pretend as he went that she was the one actually pulling him into motion by leaning a slight bit, saying, "You're too strong for me, Gracie, slow down!" He heard her giggling and she began running, so he moved more quickly, unable to remember the last time he'd had quite as much fun with a child this young.

As they reached the door, he came to a stop when she did, and she let go of his hand, grinning and pointing at the doorknob. She then popped her thumb back out of her mouth long enough to say, "Men opens the door for the lady," and promptly sucked on it again.

Cullen tried not to chuckle over her bad grammar, taking the knob and looking down at her for approval, and she nodded in encouragement. "Shouldn't we knock first?," he asked her.

"Oh! Yeah!," she nodded again even more vigorously.

Smiling at her, Cullen reached up and tapped his fist against the door, hearing what sounded like Uwen's response a few moments later telling him to, "Come in," so he opened the door and then stood to the side to allow Gracie in first and prove to her that he wasn't completely without manners.

"May I present Lady Gracie," he said to Uwen, who was settled at the desk in the room, apparently working on a letter of some type, and Gracie walked in as if it were the perfect presentation for any royalty, let alone a child of her age.

Chuckling as he watched this, Uwen asked, "Is she giving you the correct tutelage on how to be a gentleman with ladies?"

"Some, but I fear I've much to learn still," Cullen said as he walked into the room and shut the door behind himself.

As soon as he'd gotten next to Gracie again, she looked up at him soulfully and said, "You do," as if she were sorry for it. To add further insult to injury, she immediately looked at Uwen with pursed lips and added, "He does."

Uwen almost choked on his tea, sputtering a bit for breath before letting out a series of chuckles while clearing his throat over the way Gracie had said that. "I see, well, you've brought me a long way, my lady, so I'm sure you'll whip him into shape sooner rather than later."

Gracie was snickering, and she reached for Cullen's hand again and pulled him over to one of the chairs, saying, "Sit down, mama's not here so you'll have to wait."

Cullen supposed he had no choice now, but one thing did bother him about his meeting with Gracie, and as he sat down to placate the little girl for the moment, he glanced over at Uwen and asked, "Is Gracie normally allowed to wander the hallways alone?"

"No," Uwen shook his head, then added with a motion of his hand to Gracie, "I was just about to ask him how he came across you, young lady. Did you slip away from class?"

"No!," she shook her head at Uwen vigorously, her curls bouncing again with the movements. "Class was over."

"Then you slipped away from Niria."

Now Gracie was nodding her head sheepishly. "I wanted to meet Cullen."

With a sigh that he smiled as he let out, Uwen stood up and shook his before he walked over to Gracie. "She's probably having a fit trying to find you now, you know?" Leaning down, he took her hand and then glanced to Cullen, saying, "I'll be right back. Niria will need to know that Gracie's fine. If she comes here, tell her I went to her Quarters first. She'll likely run into me from there if she doesn't on the way down."

"Of course," Cullen replied, watching the two as they headed to the door. Once Uwen left, Cullen leaned forward on his arms against the tops of his knees in thought. It was the first time he'd had alone since he'd arrived, and he thought to himself that once he'd done what he'd come here to do, he could go and unpack his things and settle down finally. That should give him long enough that this dinner would be ready to attend.

That's when he realized he could have just passed the message he had on to Uwen, but considering the man had to step out and someone might come looking for Gracie, he figured maybe it was better that he hadn't. It had been a few minutes before he'd had the thought, and that was when he heard the knob to the door turning, so he turned and stood from the chair.

Aislinn stepped into the room and she looked over at Cullen as if expecting to find him there, giving him a little smile. "Hi, Uwen said you were here when I ran into him in the hallway with Niria just now, but he'd forgotten to ask you want you needed before he left. Gracie's apparently been causing Niria needless grief."

Cullen nodded with a half amused smile on his face, "Yes, she said she wanted to meet me so she slipped away."

Aislinn chuckled, "That sounds like Gracie, the curious thing she is. Anyway," she waved a hand, "what was it you needed?"

Cullen wasted no time in getting to the point, saying, "Honnely suggested that I should inform you that the Phylacteries were safely put away and that the introductions went smoothly. He said he would have come to tell you himself, but his leg was bothering him a bit."

Aislinn gave a nod of her head in response to that information, "Thank you. I was hoping it would all go well."

"Were you expecting it not to?"

"No, I was just sad I couldn't be there myself. But schedules have been a bit tight until we get another teacher, so I had to take up a class." Aislinn shrugged as if to say there was nothing more to it than that, and then she asked, "So you've met everyone then?"

"Mostly. They seem very capable. Honnely's done an excellent job with them."

"Yes, he did. It was sad to know he couldn't continue serving because he was a capable commander. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Did he tell you what happened to his leg?"

"He did. It was an unfortunate accident."

She seemed to agree with those words, supplying, "I'm just glad I found him when I did. It wasn't easy. That storm had flooded out a good bit of the hills down in that area. Anyway, I'm rambling on and probably keeping you from something," Aislinn finished politely, not wanting to stall him if he had other things he needed to do.

"Oh, I'm not...worried too much with anything. I just have some unpacking to do."

"Need any help?"

"No, I didn't pack too much." Cullen was torn between whether or not he thought that was a good answer as soon as the words had slipped out of his mouth. But when Aislinn got a look on her face as if to say _blast!_, he asked, "What's wrong?" If he didn't know any better, he'd think she was looking forward to spending the time with him, but he felt that was just his wishful thinking.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I'm just looking for things to do until dinner. Gracie was being taken to another class she has in the evenings, so she'll be occupied."

Taking that in, Cullen shrugged a shoulder and asked, "Is spending the afternoon unpacking what you really want to do?"

"Well," Aislinn started, then decided the words_ it would give us a chance to catch up_ just didn't sound right somehow. They hadn't been what someone might call best friends before, and because of that it didn't really fit the situation. So instead, she told him, "Ila's busy cooking right now, Uwen's writing a dissertation which he's terribly picky about, if Honnely's leg is hurting him then he might take some of his herbal medicine for it which usually puts him to sleep for an hour or two, Niria is with the children in class, and Mother Marleyna is out on business." She shrugged over it and looked back at Cullen with slightly pursed lips. "What would you suggest?"

Cullen thought it over, then admitted, "It sounds like unpacking is the only other option, but you really don't need to bother yourself."

"Alright," Aislinn drew out with a somewhat smug nod, then said, "I'll leave you to it then. You remember the way back, don't you?"

The compass Cullen had received in Kirkwall suddenly popped into his head, and he let a silent sigh of breath, wondering if that had been some kind of foreshadowing. "I can find it," he insisted before adding, "eventually."

Chuckling, Aislinn went to the door, saying on the way, "I'll just head in that direction then, give you a means of finding it more easily."

"Thank you, my lady," Cullen said with a little amusement in his own voice because of how nonspecific she'd been about it. Heading to the door, he supposed there was just no way to win in this situation. He wasn't even sure he _wanted_ to win.

As if she knew it, she asked, "You're welcome. Perhaps in repayment you'll find something for me to do to keep me occupied."

"Uh heh...," he breathed out in embarrassment because of where his thoughts had gone over the statement, and gave a nod of his head despite himself, saying, "I could do no less."

He also decided he'd have to be careful he didn't do more. After all, an afternoon alone with Aislinn? He'd dreamt about such things before, but actually doing it? The longest he'd ever been alone with the woman, they'd had the constant threat of danger surrounding them the entire time, distracting the both of them, leaving the situation unsuitable for anything to happen, which was how he'd preferred it. Here, they would just be...alone.

_Maker guide me_, he thought. He got the feeling he was going to need it.


	12. Personal Views

_XII. Personal Views_

"Bob is the name of a man in Morsfeld who delivers supplies here weekly," Aislinn spoke while she allowed Cullen to unlock the door to his Chambers, "that's why she said that. She thinks the name is funny oddly enough, and she always asks and hopes everyone she meets is named the same thing."

Cullen had told Aislinn about what Gracie said to him while they were walking to his chambers, curiously inquiring about her fondness of the name. The doors to his room opened once Aislinn had finished her explanation, and Cullen found a small smile on his face over the story. He then wondered why Gracie thought the name Bob sounded so funny to begin with, but when he thought about it, he could see where the humor was.

"I see," he remarked before he found himself standing in the doorway for a brief moment as if uncertain he should've invited Aislinn inside or not. Didn't she already know she could come in? Or did he need to tell her to? Before he could make up his mind, Aislinn stepped in by herself, apparently interested in looking about.

"I haven't seen the quarters in this wing of the manor often," she said as she looked inside. "They certainly know how to decorate them."

Cullen watched her for a moment before looking about himself and stepping inside behind her. "I'd thought the same thing," he mentioned, and shut the door quietly. Aislinn had wandered over to the fireplace, looking at the nearly empty bookshelf, and she eyed what few books were located here and there along it.

"Looks like the last Templar to occupy this room forgot to return some books to the library. Julian's been looking for these everywhere." She reached and took the books, pulling them from the shelf and into her arms before she turned and carried them over to the door so she wouldn't forget them later, saying on the way, "I'm extra glad I came here now. I'll just set them here so I don't forget when I leave."

Cullen watched her, not even realizing he'd nodded, and as she stood back up again from setting the stack of books near the door, he snapped himself out of it, turning to head over to his satchels. Because he'd checked them earlier, he knew which carried what, and he reached for the one with most of his clothes in it because it contained the vial of Lyrium he had. This was because he knew that Aislinn wouldn't understand completely if she found it since mages - or anyone else for that matter - didn't know of the addiction Templars had to the substance. The Chantry deemed it a private matter.

As he took the satchel and looked around to locate his dresser, Aislinn asked, "So, can I just pick a bag and ask where the things inside should go?"

"Ah...," he looked back over and then nodded as he thought about anything he might have in the other two that he wouldn't want her to see, but nothing came to mind. So he told her, "That sounds easiest, yes."

Cullen didn't see it as he'd gone to his dresser, but Aislinn had smiled over the way he'd spoken so reluctantly just then, having acted hesitant the entire way to his chambers as well. She considered it as she went to reach for one of the satchels, opening the leather flap to see that it was filled with books. Since she didn't need to ask where those went in specific, she decided to ask him a few questions, starting with, "So how long did it take for you to become a Captain anyway?"

Cullen thought about that while opening the drawers of the dressers to load up with what clothing he had that wasn't related to his work, saying, "Not too long. The Commander in Kirkwall had similar views to me. I suppose we worked well enough together that she felt a promotion was in order."

Cullen didn't know it, but Aislinn had heard about Knight Commander Meredith from her second cousin, Bethany Hawke. She'd only received letters from Bethany twice over the past several years, and Bethany didn't say much in her letters, but what she _had_ said was confirmed by the rumors flying about, and those rumors all said that Meredith hadn't been pleasant for mages to deal with, if not even worse.

Cullen hadn't sounded completely fond of her when he'd mentioned her just then however. So Aislinn asked, "What kind of woman was she?"

Cullen closed a drawer and glanced over to see that Aislinn was loading some books onto the shelf over the fireplace, and he had to think about how to answer her. It wasn't easy after all, so he returned a question of his own. "Are you asking for my opinion as a member of the Order, or my personal thoughts?"

"Well, if there's a difference, tell me both."

Cullen decided it wouldn't do any harm, so he agreed, "Very well," then grabbed some more of his clothing to store away. "As a Templar, I felt she was thorough and that her methods were extremely useful and efficient. She tolerated little when it came to the undisciplined, and I felt both the mages _and_ the Templars benefitted from it."

Sounded like what Aislinn had heard about her, she thought. Intolerant and humorless, among other things, some more vile. Instead of mentioning that however, she returned to the satchel for more of the books and asked, "What about your personal views?"

Aislinn heard Cullen letting a sigh, and she glanced over at him to see that he was just standing there as if in consideration. "I wasn't always sure what to think," he admitted finally. "Sometimes I agreed, and other times I felt she herself was the one who was out of line. But only after a few years, because it seemed as if the more time that passed, the more questionable things became."

Aislinn was still watching him, and he looked over at her once he'd finished his thought. She lifted a brow when he did, pursed her lips, and said, "I heard about what happened, not in detail, but enough to know that something was amiss." She went back to the books and put another one on the shelf before grabbing the next and stopping herself suddenly with a little laugh.

Cullen had been ready to ask Aislinn what she'd heard, but her laugh stopped him. "What?"

Promptly, she held up the book she'd seen, which happened to be The Glass Cup, saying, "I haven't read this in a long time. Sadly I lost it when I moved to Branson, but I wish I still had it. You wouldn't mind if I borrowed it sometime, would you?"

"Oh, I...no, feel free," Cullen told her, having forgotten about the way he'd panicked over having the book when he'd been on The Arlessa, and seeing her reaction now, he knew he'd been right to keep it. She apparently didn't remember suggesting it to him.

As if to prove him wrong however, Aislinn stored the book up on the shelf and said, "I remember telling you about it, and you'd said you didn't like fiction."

Obviously she remembered very well. "Oh, I...uh," Cullen started, his cheeks burning while he tried to get out a decent thought. "You remember that?"

"Of course I do," she smiled, turning once she was done with his books to face him, saying, "I was nervous, so it stands out for me."

Cullen stared at her for a moment, confused over what she'd just admitted more than he was embarrassed about the fact that he still had a book she'd suggested to him ages ago, which prompted him to ask, "How were..._why_ were you nervous?"

"Well, I had a problem I needed to address, remember? Talking to a Templar about a problem isn't a mage's forte most times. You never know how one will react. For all I knew, you could've accosted me for more information. Not that I believed you _would_, but...sometimes it's hard to remember that."

"Ah...I see," Cullen nodded slowly, then let out a soft sigh, shutting the drawer of the dresser and walking back over to the bed to set the empty satchel down on it.

After he'd said that, Aislinn stepped over and added, "I always liked that story though. I guess you found one to like too, or I hope you did anyway. You seem more interested in mechanics and theology than anything judging by your selections."

Finally, Cullen found a small smile, saying, "Yes, I do enjoy learning how things work. It seems like useful knowledge to have from time to time. I enjoyed reading The Glass Cup as well though, which surprised me. It wasn't as farfetched as I thought it would be."

Aislinn looked like she'd gone off in thought as he'd told her this, and then she started quoting what she could remember the of the story. "One of my favorite passages was 'I saw the guard again beyond my prison bars, his armor looking just as heavy a burden to wear as had yestereve and the eve before it. His glass cup in hand once more, I watched him raise it to his lips, the blighted item burning my eyes. It had come to represent everything I hated, and he drank from it, as if to power his ability to torment me with the injustice the things I hated carried with it.'"

Aislinn chuckled and looked down at the bed, reaching to unload more of the things from Cullen's satchel when she heard him saying, "The man had never spoken more than a word to me, only lurked in the prison as if an armored puppet, controlled by strings invisible to human vision. But that evening, he walked over and stood outside of my cell, looking in with hidden intent. Though his eyes were concealed and his mouth was a flat, mirthless line, I knew he had something in mind for me as he stood there. I felt a cold chill run through my spine. For once, I found myself grateful for the bars that confined me from everything I'd ever held dear."

Cullen was surprised he'd remembered that. Without considering it, he asked, "Wasn't that just before the guard opened the cell door as if to tempt him with freedom?" He looked over at Aislinn in question and saw her watching him, a little smile on her face, and he realized he'd just given a good example of how many times he'd actually read the book.

Aislinn nodded however, and before Cullen could let his embarrassment grab hold of him, she said, "Yes, that's the same part. I liked it because of how tense it was, not knowing what the guard was thinking or wanting from the farmer. He just opens the door and stands there, says absolutely nothing. So now the farmer has to decide if this man's really going to let him try for a chance at freedom, or if he's just setting the farmer up to kill him in an attempted escape."

They'd both forgotten about packing the items away in that moment, too caught up in their conversation of the book they'd both been fond of to pay much attention.

"That's when he realized the meaning of the cup, wasn't it?," Cullen mused in question.

"No, that was later. This was the first time, when he eventually tells the guard that if he didn't shut the cell doors, he'd only break out long enough to destroy the cup he seemed so fond of."

"That's right," Cullen remembered, thinking over how the farmer had related the cup to some kind of tease to his desired freedom at first, because it was the one item in the prison that reminded him of the luxuries of a more normal world instead of the dark prison below ground which he'd been brought to.

Aislinn's chuckling brought him from his thoughts then, and he looked over at her as she said, "I should have my students read it in their literature class. They'd learn a lot about symbolism from it."

Cullen could agree with that since the story carried a lot of it, reaching over to lift an item while she was still talking that she'd unpacked before and laid on the bed, which was the wooden box containing his compass. He hadn't paid too much mind, so he didn't notice her going for the same thing, and he ended up putting his hand on hers accidentally as she took the box. He ended up lifting her hand instead of the box, which she was holding onto, and he looked over at her.

She'd only just noticed the incident herself, saying, "Oh, sorry, was about to hand it to you."

"It's alright," he replied softly, letting her turn her hand in his so he could take it, trying his best not to notice how small she apparently was compared to him, or how it felt, even through his glove, to have her hand against his palm. It was just a simple action, nothing more to it than a wrist turn and he had the box, but it almost made his heart ache a little for the things he'd wanted but couldn't have.

Aislinn watched him, smirking through a bitten lip when he wasn't looking as she pulled her hand back because, though his face had been fairly blank, she could somehow tell the movements had affected him. It made her feel nice somehow, to think that maybe after all of this time, he really did carry the same kinds of feelings for her, and now that she knew much more about the things expected of Templars, she felt optimistic in the fact that she could at least try to get closer to him if nothing more. She still hadn't quite figured out why exactly, but she _did_ want to get closer to him.

Why could be figured out later. For now she could accept the fact and act on it. Until then however, she watched him pulling a compass out of the box and listened as he said, "The men in Kirkwall gave me a compass as a going away gift. I think I may need it here."

That got Aislinn to snicker, "I don't blame you. Mother Marleyna either didn't know what she was getting when she brought in Orlesian Architects to build this place, or she did and made it this way on purpose. I wouldn't put it past her anyway. The only question would be _why_ would she purposefully make it so hard to navigate."

Hearing this, Cullen looked at Aislinn and asked, "She had this place built herself?"

"Somewhat," Aislinn drew out. "I had a slight hand it in too."

Cullen hadn't expected to hear that, asking, "How so?"

She took a deep breath while considering the story. After a moment, she said, "I was sent to serve in a nobleman's home after the Battle of Denerim was won, to care for the Arl of Branson's elderly mother who'd grown ill, and also to take care of any other medical issues the noble family had while I was there. It was there that I met Mother Marleyna, who served in Branson's Chantry. We became friends, began discussing our views on mages together, and realized that we both agreed that we thought the Circle of Magi system was all wrong. We thought it was needed, but that it needed to be done differently."

Cullen listened intently, realizing there were a good number of things he hadn't asked Aislinn about yet, the Battle of Denerim being one of them. But he let her continue with the current story before asking her anything else.

"The Arl's mother ended up dying after a year in my care. Treatments were just growing more and more ineffective. I tried my best to find some kind of a cure for her, but nothing I did helped. Still, the Arl was so pleased with my services that he offered me a large sum of money as a thank you. I tried to refuse him because I'm a mage, we're not really paid for our services, at least, not in that fashion, and what was I to do with all of that money anyway?"

Aislinn shrugged as if she were still uncertain about that, then went on to add, "It was Marleyna who suggested that we could use the money to put toward starting a new Circle in Morsfeld, which didn't have a Chantry at the time either. It seemed like the best idea anyway, so I agreed."

"Then she made you the First Enchanter?"

"Yes," Aislinn nodded, letting a soft sigh of breath. "I wasn't certain I wanted the position though, but I took it. Anyway, that's the story behind this place."

Cullen let that settle in, deciding that he was looking forward to meeting this Revered Mother and finding out what type of woman she was. Keeping the thought in mind, he saw Aislinn looking up and over at him, and he gave her a silent nod. Finally, he said, "I had been curious about your position because you're a little young."

"I know, that's why I was reluctant to take it. But Uwen's much more experienced, and he's been very helpful. If I ever did step down or...whatever might happen, he would take over with ease."

Cullen decided that made sense, and Uwen did seem to have a good temperament anyway, not that he'd spoken with the man much so far. He would have to wait before really deciding on that, but he could at least take Aislinn's word for it because she usually knew what she was talking about. As he considered it though, he heard Aislinn saying, "Well, you seem to have everything at hand," as she stepped back from the bed. "I'll let you finish up, and come to get you when dinner is ready. I should probably run those books by the library."

He watched her walking away after giving him a smile so she could leave, trying to figure out if he really wanted to let her go or not, and as Aislinn reached the door, she heard him asking, "How bad was it?"

She looked back, her expression curious. "How bad was what?"

"The Battle of Denerim?" Cullen turned to face her, his own expression curious. "I've heard...several things."

The look on her face became considerate and solemn, as if she wasn't quite sure how to put it. After a moment, she decided on saying, "Well, it was horrible. We won, but the death and destruction was...," she trailed and shook her head, "nothing I could've ever imagined. Darkspawn were everywhere, and I kept wondering to myself the whole time why people feared _mages_ so much of all things," she snorted. "The mages made it as far into the city as Fort Drakkon, called to hold the gates just outside in the inner city in order to prevent more Darkspawn from getting to the Fort if we could. The Archdemon had taken a position on top of the Fort, and that's where the Grey Wardens were heading to end everything if we were lucky, which we ended up being. That was where the battle ended for me, protecting the gates."

Cullen quietly considered it all, thinking that the Chantry really should have sent the Templars along with the mages, wondering why they hadn't, but perhaps that was a question for another day. Instead, he asked her, "Did you see it?"

"The Archdemon?"

He nodded.

"Once, it flew overhead when we were trying to get through the city." She got quiet, then said in earnest, "I was grateful I wasn't a Grey Warden when I did. I can't imagine what the fight on top of the Fort might've been like. But we had our hands full anyway, so I didn't have much time to pay attention."

"I wish I could've been there to help."

It was then that Aislinn smiled at him, saying, "I do too. Templars would've been a tremendous help. Did you know the Darkspawn have mages of their own?" When Cullen gave her a narrowed look and then shook his head, she added, "They were _horrible_. I would have _loved_ to have a Templar handy to get rid of that threat. From what I hear, however, one of the Grey Wardens there had been a Templar in training before he'd joined the Wardens, and he'd apparently been able to use the skills to his advantage."

Cullen didn't know about any of that, the Darkspawn having mages or the Grey Warden who'd been training to be a Templar before his induction. In fact, the part about him using Templar skills was a little confusing to him as well since it took a deep dedication and meditation of the Maker in order to really harness those kinds of holy abilities. Somehow it was hard to see a Grey Warden having the time to do that and be able to keep the abilities intact.

But Cullen decided not to mention that to Aislinn, and instead simply mused aloud, "I wonder why the Chantry didn't demand we go into battle?"

Aislinn's next statement got Cullen curious. "I don't think I'm the person you should be asking that, Cullen."

"Why not?"

With a sigh, Aislinn decided to take a few steps further into the room and away from the door, saying, "Well, I think it's because the Chantry values their Templars a bit too much to lose them, so if mages are going into battle, who better to let risk a fall?"

Now Cullen realized why she'd told him not to ask her that. She felt the Chantry was biased against mages to the point that it saw them as canon fodder, and he wouldn't like her views. She was trying to avoid a needless argument from the looks of it, so he simply said, "That's not the way the Chantry works."

Aislinn shrugged, "Maybe not. But it's the way _people_ work, and people are what makes the Chantry. When you have something you value, you let that which you don't handle a problem first, _then_ you do what you have to." She lifted her hand and waved it as if to stop the conversation however, saying, "But that's not important. I'll bet Mother Marleyna would know for certain why no Templars were sent actually. Perhaps I'll ask her when she comes back."

Cullen decided to let it go. The last thing he wanted to do was to start an argument. So he told her instead, "She may." Then he let out a little sigh and said, "I suppose even if so many mages attend Chantry function here, they're still all biased against anything the Chantry actually does anyway."

Aislinn looked up at him when he'd said that, her brows furrowing, and it was only then that he'd realized how bad that had actually sounded. Before he could attempt to diffuse any situations however, she started shaking her head and saying, "I'm not all mages, Cullen, and I certainly don't speak for them. I speak for myself, and it was simply the most logical reason I could think of. I'm sorry if I've offended you, but that wasn't my intent."

"I know," he nodded, adding as swiftly as he could, "as it wasn't mine to offend you." Feeling like he'd stuck his foot in his mouth with his prior statement, he hoped to dislodge it by saying, "I just hear this kind of talk coming from mages so often, yet no one else seems to think that way when questioned."

Aislinn knew he wasn't purposefully trying to berate her for being a mage. But thinking in those terms, where one mage was precisely the same as the next, just as thinking that all Templars were the same way, had become a view point she simply didn't like. She tried to understand where he was coming from on this, and knew he had some good points behind what he was telling her now, but she had a few of her own, and she decided to express it.

"I know, many are bitter toward the Chantry and speak against it even when it's not deserved. I can be the first to attest to that." She turned around and went to grab the books from the floor which she was to take to the Library, hoisting them up into her arms. Once she'd done that, she looked back over at him and said, "But sometimes, I wonder if the reason no one outside of mages ever speaks out about anything they feel the Chantry might _actually_," she enunciated, "be doing wrong is because they have something left to loose, whereas most mages don't."

Aislinn had taken the knob into her hand and turned it, then went to step out. "We can talk about it more later if you wish. I'll be back soon to show you where the dining hall is."

Cullen watched the door shutting before he could think of anything to say to her. What _could_ he say? With a sigh, he simply sat down on the bed behind him and leaned an arm against his leg. _Andraste's flames, now I've done it_. He closed his eyes and took a slow breath. Cullen had long since given up trying to reason with himself whenever he felt this way that it didn't matter if she thought badly of him in the end, possibly because he'd spent so long out of her company and learned that reasoning with these kinds of emotions was nearly impossible in the meantime. He just knew that no matter how illogical it was, her opinions of him _still_ mattered to him, most times he felt more than anything.

It occurred to him to fix it, but he had no idea how. He'd basically thrown her into a stereotype along with the rest of the world of mages without thinking first, as if her feelings and points, no matter if they'd been expressed the same way as many other mages he'd met before, bore no validity just because she _was_ a mage and had nothing to do with her personal reasonings for them.

It wasn't the worst he'd ever spoken of mages though, not by far. He recalled on more than one occasion claiming that mages couldn't be befriended, that they weren't like regular people, because the power they possessed could so easily be used for benevolence or malevolence. Still, she'd never once given him reason to doubt her, and he'd thoughtlessly insulted her, however inadvertently it had been. He'd fallen short of his idea of what she was worth.

She was right, she didn't speak for _all_ mages. As far as he knew, she never really had. But Cullen had never been the best with words around her before anyway, so why he suddenly felt as if he should've been spouting poetry at her was beyond him.

That's when it hit him. He looked over at the bookshelf where she'd stacked his reading materials. Aislinn said she'd lost her copy of The Glass Cup. Instead of letting her borrow it like she'd asked, he could simply give her his, after all, she'd been the one to suggest it to him to begin with.

It seemed like it would work, but on the same hand, it seemed like a foolish idea as well. Wouldn't something like that simply scream out how he felt about her? Maybe if he asked her if she would like to have it instead of simply giving it to her, that would make a little more sense. Yes, that idea had more merit.

At least considering it made him feel better anyway.

Cullen decided he would ask her the next chance he got if she'd like to keep it, and went about stashing away the rest of his things. It didn't take him too long to do considering he hadn't had much to pack to begin with, and as he looked around the room now, he felt as if he might need to acquire a few more things to fill it because it still looked bare.

That could be dealt with later though. A knock had just come to his door, and he walked over to it, ready to join Aislinn and the others for dinner now. Hopefully he'd make a little better conversation over dinner than he had in private, that was, if he spoke much at all, remembering he was typically silent at social gatherings unless spoken to. In the meantime, he'd consider what she'd had to say about the fact that maybe no one spoke out against the Chantry because, unlike mages, they actually did have something to lose and feared some kind of retribution.

After all, Cullen _did_ have the desire to show at least one mage that the Chantry wasn't their enemy. Maybe Aislinn didn't really believe that, but it was fairly plain to see that she didn't really care much for it either. He just didn't want her to think the Clergy of the Chantry really did have some secret agenda to oppress all mages up their sleeves.


	13. Certainly Uncertain

_XIII. Certainly Uncertain_

Aislinn wasn't sure what to think. She wasn't upset, she just wasn't sure to make of the way Cullen thought about mages. She knew, like he'd said, that he carried disdain for them, and she didn't particularly care if he liked them all or didn't because she felt he had a good reason to be so mistrusting of them. What she cared about was whether he liked _her_, and whether or not his views on mages affected that. After all, if it did, it would be an obstacle she'd need to know about.

As she was taking the books to the Library - which wound up pleasing the elderly mage named Julian who kept the books there endlessly - she thought about this, and finally got her chance to ponder over _why_ she wanted to get closer to the new Knight Commander if it was at all possible. She was somewhat afraid they might've been selfish reasons, such as perhaps proving that mages and Templars really _didn't_ have to be segregated, but when the thought popped into her head, she knew that wasn't the reason.

No, it was simply the same reason she'd told Dylan that she was so uncertain - she felt like she needed to wait. Dylan was a mage at the Tower who'd briefly come to help with the Morsfeld Circle when it had first opened. Over a year or two, he and Aislinn had gotten somewhat closer, but when it came down to it, Aislinn told the mage that she was unsure of her feelings for him. Her exact words had been, "I feel as if I'm waiting on something, but I'm not sure what precisely," and she was starting to think that she'd been hung up on her feelings for Cullen.

That was one of the reasons why getting closer to him now felt important to her. Dylan was a good man, though she hadn't been able to get past the kind of feeling that he was simply a 'friend' to her, but if her feelings for Cullen had caused her to say no to a good thing that might have potentially bloomed into something more, and nothing came out of this situation with Cullen now, she'd feel as if she'd made a mistake.

Not that mages usually found happiness in that area to begin with. Even with Dylan, a relationship wouldn't have been easy.

She left the Library with those thoughts in mind, and went to go pick Gracie up from her class, deciding on the way that maybe she really was being selfish. She didn't blame Cullen for anything she'd decided to do herself, that would just be silly, but she almost felt as if the only reason she really wanted to get closer to him was so that she could avoid disappointment in whatever form it might come in. She cared about him though, had thought of him more than once when he hadn't been around, and was starting to realize that despite the fact that she and Cullen hadn't been what anyone would call "close", she'd missed his presence when he was gone. So maybe she was just being more paranoid than she had to be simply in order to make sure everything went right.

Something happened on the way to the dining hall that made Aislinn's heart practically melt however. Gracie was at a stage in her life when she wanted to prove she was a big girl and could walk most places on her own, but every now and again she'd affectionately asked to be carried. This didn't apply to the people she barely knew however, who the child was friendly with but normally shied away from when it came to simply being close to them. It was just a typical standard of any child uncertain about the person they might have been speaking to or interacting with somehow, and Aislinn knew as much.

Apparently, as Aislinn learned on the way to the dining hall, Cullen was an exception to that rule.

After going to his door, having held Gracie's hand the entire way while they walked, Aislinn knocked and waited for him to answer. When he did, Gracie smiled up at him and let go of Aislinn's hand, then walked over and took Cullen's to get his attention. He'd just shut his door and looked down at her to see her reaching up, asking if he'd carry her.

Aislinn couldn't help but look surprised since Gracie never asked people she didn't know well to do this, but here she was, warming up to the new Knight Commander in no time, and Cullen wasn't disagreeable about it. He simply asked her if it was the gentlemanly thing to do, and she nodded at him while giggling, so he leaned down and lifted her up plain and simple.

Cullen carried her to the dining hall while Aislinn asked Gracie if she liked Cullen because she only let people she liked carry her. Gracie told Aislinn in reply, "He's fun," and Aislinn started chuckling softly.

"I am?"

Gracie nodded at him, seeming more than confident in her assessment of what she thought of him, adding, "You let me pull you."

Aislinn wasn't completely sure what Gracie had meant by that, perhaps it was nothing more than something that happened earlier when she'd slipped away from Niria in order to meet the Templar, but it made Cullen smile, whatever it had been. But whatever the story was, something about the sight of him carrying the little girl really touched Aislinn. Perhaps it was just because it was Gracie, or maybe something in Aislinn had the feeling all along that he would've been good with children, but she just watched quietly and listened as they spoke. Their conversation only made it even more endearing, especially when he told her he was grateful for her lessons in being a gentleman, which was too amusing to think about to Aislinn considering Gracie's penchant for trying to be a lady all of the time.

He would've made a very good father if he ever had the chance to be. The thought was bittersweet to Aislinn however because of the way things currently were for mages. Saying, in the rare chance, that she did manage to get much closer to the man, children would be an even more remote option because of the Chantry's views on mages bearing children. So Aislinn knew she wouldn't be able to provide that for him easily.

Not that having anything with the man would be easy to begin with. One thing at a time, she decided. Children were extremely far off from this already questionable situation, and she didn't need to consider it now. But it did make her reevaluate her stance of whether or not it was a good idea to try to get closer to him.

Why things had to always be so difficult, she'd never understand, sighing softly over the thought before moving on.

They made their way into the large dining hall however, a room that had wooden tables set up in lines with candelabras gracing the top of each one, the floor a checkered diamond pattern of dark and light grey marble, and the wall to the far side of the entrance sporting tall, arched windows that let in the setting sunlight. The staff was currently moving from table to table, lighting the candles - they were apprentice mages, using magic to get them to light - until the room had an added glow to it, illuminated nicely.

On the left wall were archways leading out onto a walled in patio that had vines which were in bloom with white flowers growing across the top of it, and they could see that Honnely, Uwen, and Ila were already there, outside beneath the setting sun. Torches were lit brightly enough around them that everything could be easily seen, and Cullen also recognized the Mother from the Assembly Hall from earlier was out at the table with them. Johanna was her name, if Cullen remembered correctly, perhaps there where the Revered Mother couldn't be. Or maybe she joined in on every dinner like this.

As he'd stepped in with Gracie and Aislinn, Gracie mentioned he could now put her down, so he did with a little amusement over the way she directed things, and once she was on the floor, she went heading toward the patio.

Honnely saw her coming and chuckled out the question, "So, you've found yourself a new mount, have you, little lady?"

"Yes! He's taller than you are!"

Everyone chuckled over that while Honnely smiled at Cullen and said, "I'll try not to be too jealous."

"Yes, but we'll have to find the right saddle however."

That made Honnely laugh as they went over to the table to take their seats. Mother Johanna reintroduced herself to Cullen on the way because they hadn't gotten a chance to speak much earlier, and then she let Gracie help her to give the blessing for the meal before everyone began to settle down and eat.

Aislinn had been right, Cullen thought, the food was incredibly delicious. Ila had cooked a few special treats which were definitely some of the best Cullen could remember ever trying, and he looked around while they began to talk. The table was circular, and there was an empty seat between Cullen and Honnely, who was settled to his left. Next to him was Ila, Gracia, Aislinn, Uwen, and Johanna in a clockwise fashion. Cullen decided the empty chair must have been in honor of the Revered Mother who couldn't attend, and he just listened to their conversation.

Everyone took turns conversing about the Circle's third year in service. Some of the conversation went over ideas they had, speaking about the things they didn't think were working so far, some that Cullen could agree with and some which he hadn't even thought of. It seemed that everyone there knew the problems they faced and that handling them was going to take work between all of them, so he could at least have faith in that no one seemed to have delusions of grandeur, which made it more promising.

Midway through the meal, Johanna looked over at Cullen and told him he'd been too quiet - something he'd heard before more than once.

"We've been going on and on without thought, so tell us about yourself," she asked, smiling at him. "You've been so quiet all evening. Where are you from?"

Aislinn was wiping a little spill from Gracie's chin when Johanna asked that, getting the answer to her unspoken question. She'd wondered how long it might take for someone to try to get Cullen to talk, because he was, in fact, a quiet person for the most part, and when he did say something, sometimes he could be very soft spoken depending on the situation. She watched and listened while Cullen looked at Johanna, and then at everyone else, using his napkin to wipe his mouth politely before he made any responses.

"Well, I grew up outside of Amaranthine, in a Monastery near a small village called Blue Creek."

Johanna smiled, "I know that Monastery. I was assigned there three years ago to foster the children. Were your parents working there?"

"No," Cullen shook his head, "actually, I was one of the, uh, fostered children."

"Oh, I see," Johanna replied, giving him a friendly smile. "How long did you stay there before moving on?"

"I was fifteen when I was taken into the Training Quarters to officially begin my induction into the Order."

Aislinn listened carefully. She'd never asked Cullen much about himself because she always felt he might've gotten embarrassed or uncomfortable. So it was refreshing to hear a little more about him. She'd had no idea he'd been orphaned, and she briefly wondered if he'd ever even known his parents at all. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember hearing a surname, so perhaps he didn't even have one. It wasn't uncommon anyway. Only those born to noble families really had a surname they could use, such as Amell, not that Aislinn could claim any real rights to it being a mage as she was.

She could only imagine what it might be like to have lost everything before you could even remember it however, and briefly wondered why his parents might've given him up, or if they'd even been alive at all. Either way, she wasn't sure whether it would be harder than remembering it and _then_ losing it or just not having it, but she knew it wasn't good.

As she had the thought, she just happened to look over to see the doors opening in the dining hall and spied the Revered Mother, Marleyna, walking through it and out onto the patio, wearing her typical Chantry Robes of black, red, and gold, with her silvery hair tied up into a bun at the nape of her neck, a few tendrils framining her aged faced which was regal in a way, and promised that she'd been a lovely woman in her youth, not that she wasn't now for her age.

Aislinn couldn't help but be surprised, pointing out, "Mother Marleyna?"

The older woman gave a small, proper smile, replying, "I apologize for my tardiness, but I was curious if an old woman could join in on a lovely meal after a long trip."

Johanna was the first to stand up, but everyone else followed suit without hesitation except for Gracie who didn't quite understand the formality - even Uwen who was an Elf and didn't believe quite the same way that the others did stood from his chair in reception of the Revered Mother.

"Revered Mother," Johanna greeted respectfully and happily, smiling at her, "please, join us. We weren't expecting you back for another week."

"I know," Marleyna replied as if she couldn't have been happier to throw them off in that fashion, and she walked to the table, casting a smile at everyone for their welcome of her. As she moved to the empty seat, Honnely pulled it out for her to sit between himself and Cullen, and once she was settled, everyone else sat back down as well. That was when she continued, "I couldn't miss this dinner, however. As it turns out, my business concluded early, so I had my trip prepared to depart as soon as possible. I would've been here this afternoon, but the rains slowed us down a bit."

"The weather's been a little temperamental here lately," Honnely agreed. "I almost thought we would have to postpone it."

Gracie had sat up in her chair a bit, asking, "Mother Marley," which seemed to amuse both the Revered Mother, "did you bring anything back!"

"Why," she started as if she'd only just thought of it, "I may have, child, but it's still in my luggage. Come with me after dinner, I'll let you see."

"Okay!," Gracie said excitedly, grinning nearly from ear to ear as she sat back again to eat a little more of her food, and Aislinn patted her head gently.

Marleyna had looked at Aislinn then and asked, "I see things are still going well, Aislinn. Have you had a chance to speak with the Arl yet?"

"Not yet, no," Aislinn replied without explaining what Marleyna was talking about.

"Well, in that case, there may not be need. I'll tell you what I'm speaking of after dinner however since this is business and dinner should be enjoyed. Johanna, did you bless the meal?"

"Yes, Revered Mother," Johanna replied, and then added, "Gracie helped me."

"Did she?" Marleyna looked over to see the little girl nodding eagerly, which made her chuckle. "Well, then that makes it extra special. No wonder I could smell it all the way from the gates."

Gracie started giggling and replied, "Nu huh! That's improssible!"

"Impossible," Marleyna corrected as Honnely laughed and Ila, who was next to him, shook her head smiling.

With a soft chuckle, Ila piped up, "I'm still impressed the scent went so far," apparently playing on the Revered Mother's jest. "Aislinn and I felt it might only spread out to the Barracks with Gracie's blessing added."

"Stop it," Gracie grumbled cutely while blushing, but started snickering anyway.

"Very well, my lady," Ila chuckled out in response with a grin on her face. Then she looked over and remembered that Marleyna hadn't properly been introduced to the new Knight Commander yet, reminding Aislinn, "Oh, we forget our introductions."

"Oh! Right," Aislinn replied. She'd thought about it, she'd just gotten off track with all the talk going on. "So sorry."

"It's quite alright dear," Marleyna replied, "I'm the one who came in and surprised you."

Smiling, Aislinn started by saying, "I'm glad you did. Revered Mother Marleyna, this is our new Knight Captain, Ser Cullen, the one you sent for from Kirkwall. Ser Cullen, this is the Revered Mother Marleyna."

Cullen gave her a polite and respectful bow of his head while she turned a smile to him and said, "I was expecting that you were the one I'd requested. Aislinn made quite a good case to me about your standpoints on the Circle of Magi and bringing them here. Did you arrive today?"

"Yes, Revered Mother, earlier in the afternoon."

"I trust you've been able to meet most of the men who'll be under your command then?" When Cullen nodded, she added with a smile on her face, "Wonderful. Have you settled in well so far?"

"Yes, I have, thanks to everyone's help. I felt quite welcome. It was pleasant after the long trip."

"Oh, don't I know that myself?," Marleyna mentioned with amusement on her voice as she settled in her seat properly and looked everyone over. "I'm getting too old to continue these long journeys. The next time one of the young Mothers summon me, I think I'll tell them I've retired from making trips completely," she finished thoughtfully.

They chuckled over the sentiment, and Cullen gave her a smile, deciding she seemed so far like an agreeable woman. She got his attention when she then asked, "So, what's your impression of this Circle so far? I'm certain you're not quite used to a Circle which has so many of the clergy haunting its hallways and mingling with the mages, correct?"

"That's true," Cullen nodded in response, "I hadn't quite been prepared for that, but it's a welcome change to see the interactions."

Marleyna let a soft snort out, "I have to admit, I wasn't precisely certain it would work at first." After admitting that, she added, "But it was worth trying to see if we could successfully integrate a full Chantry on the Circle's grounds."

Honnely tilted his head to look past the Mother and at Cullen, saying, "She was the skeptic on that particular idea."

"Oh, hush," Marleyna chuckled over his teasing statement. "No one is immune to erring, Ser Honnely. I'll admit, it was an error to question it."

"Well, your admission is what matters most," Honnely added just as teasingly, and then he looked at Johanna who had snickered softly.

The younger Mother put her napkin down from chewing a bite of her food and told him, "Don't tease her, Ser Honnely, _you_ weren't sure Aislinn's views on the mages and Templars would work if I recall."

"Very true," Marleyna replied as if just thinking of it, and gave Honnely a pointed gaze.

Honnely was grinning sheepishly, but he lowered his head and replied, "Yes, and I'll admit I was wrong there as well."

"Then all is fair," Marleyna chuckled out, smiling brightly before she looked over at Cullen. "Hopefully _you_ won't attempt to tease me so much, Ser Cullen."

"I wouldn't dream of it," came his reply, to which Marleyna smiled.

"Well, I'll rest easier now then, knowing you won't come to the Chantry constantly to try to set up pranks and traps for me to walk into."

"I never!," Honnely replied with a laugh along with everyone else as the thought of Honnely setting up traps and pranks in the Chantry for Marleyna to unwittingly step into was simply to amusing to everyone. Even Cullen had to laugh despite the fact that he didn't know them as well, having to admit that he wasn't used to a Mother with so much humor. Most times they were serious and a bit solemn from what he'd seen mostly. Marleyna probably had her serious sides however, otherwise she never would have become a Revered Mother. But now, she was simply patting Honnely's hand as if to make him feel better for the joke she'd told at his expense.

Much of the dinner went in the same way. Cullen found out that Marleyna's business had been to Amaranthine to assist one of the young Mother's there with an issue regarding zealots and their charges of falsifications, which wound up being concluded easily. But not much of it was mentioned, most of the chatter being around idle things, a relaxing conversation without much seriousness in it which he found was easy to participate in, unlike the things he'd said earlier to Aislinn, who'd made no mention of it on the way to dinner or had even acted offended. Cullen wondered if perhaps _he'd_ been the one to overreact to what he'd said to her out of place.

Gracie wound up retiring early, nearly falling asleep at the table, and Aislinn went to put her to sleep with Ila's help. Once it was Uwen, Honnely, Johanna, himself, and Marleyna, the Revered Mother looked over at Cullen and asked, "Tell me something. Had you heard much of this Circle before you decided to come in as the new Commander?"

"Some things, yes," Cullen replied.

"Then you weren't at all daunted? I was told you favor a fairly strict view point on handling the powers that mages possess."

"I was uncertain, yes," he admitted, "but I thought the opportunity posed was a good one. Not to mention the change of scenery was a welcome one."

She gave him a thoughtful look for a moment or two, then nodded and asked, "Now that you're here? How is your viewpoint fairing?"

"I'm still doubtful," he replied, honoring his word to be as honest as he could be. "I don't believe fully that it's a wise decision to integrate in this manner. Some integration could be beneficial, but I question the abilities of the Templars if they become too...," he tried to think of the right word for it, settling on, "attached to the mages." He felt somewhat like a hypocrite because of his fondness for Aislinn, but he had to move past that and perform his duty in telling the truth.

Aislinn had walked onto the balcony when he'd said those words, having left Ila to tend to Gracie because Gracie had asked to stay with her for the night to which the mage agreed, heading to settle herself back down as he'd continued with, "Though the First Enchanter has given me some things to think on about the situation. But I simply haven't been able to completely make up my mind yet."

Marleyna didn't seem at all offended by his comment, and instead, she looked rather interested. "I see. Let me ask you, what kinds of integrations would you put forth here?"

"I hadn't completely thought of it," Cullen said, but he came up with a summary of a few ideas he felt were good ones. "I do like the thought that in the way this Circle is set up, the Templar _would_ get a chance to see more for himself what the mage might be doing, and vice versa."

Uwen spoke up at that point, his words carrying an agreeing air to them, "This will put their minds at ease instead of allowing them to invent a potential problem when they can see for themselves without fear. In that manner, the less of the false problems we have to sift through, the more quickly we can reach the real ones."

"Very true," Marleyna agreed, looking at Cullen for his opinion. "Do you think that sounds reasonably accurate?"

"I do," he nodded. "But I still question whether or not a Templar would be so quick to kill a friend."

Uwen pointed out, "This is the reason for the contingent that lives outside of the Circle whom can be called on in the event a mage goes renegade and our Commander or First Enchanter feels the Templar who is to perform the duty may not pull through on the endeavor."

"Yes," Honnely nodded. "Though only to be called in if we're uncertain the Templar in question can perform their duties. We discussed this earlier in the Assembly Hall didn't we, Cullen?"

"Briefly," Cullen nodded in memory.

After he'd said that, Johanna was the next to speak, saying, "I thought it was also helpful to the mages to see the way the Templars worked. It would ease their minds to know that they aren't being dictated to, to know that a Templar's main focus is _not_ as a jailor, and also understand that the members of the Order have worries of their own, that we are both a group of people like the other."

Marleyna gave a single nod of agreement, and Cullen looked over at her when she did, saying, "I'll admit the ideas here sound very promising. But I have to hesitate before I can completely agree with them."

"Just as I did," Honnely confirmed. "I think it's a healthy way to propagate one's opinions however, by taking your time and looking on with scrutiny. Especially on such an important matter, and the matter _is_ an important one."

Aislinn had been quiet as they'd all been speaking, simply listening to the things being said back and forth, but she finally added a few words of her own. "I honestly hope it takes him a while. The harder he is to be convinced, the more easy it might become to perfect this entire situation of the danger mages can pose and how they can safely live in a normal society without fear. We _may_ end up regretting some of our choices here, but it's a good thing that we each realize that. Besides, after what Cullen and I witnessed at the hands of a single mage, we know that if the floor falls out from beneath our feet, it will do so fairly quickly. I can, however, say that what's happened in the past has offered me a way to see where and how trouble can rise up from. If that event in the Tower was horrible in itself, it would only be more horrible if I didn't learn from it and try to put that experience to good use."

Cullen had the same thoughts over the experience himself. It was terrible to go through what he'd gone through, but in the very least, he needed to learn from it, otherwise it would have been for absolutely nothing, and _that_ would have become the tragedy.

They all grew silent or simply nodded in agreement after that, which showed that each one of them knew the troubles that could arise if their efforts failed. This put some of Cullen's doubts to rest, and he then focused on Marleyna as the Revered Mother lifted her goblet and said, "I propose a toast in this case. One to the efforts of keeping peace, and the efforts not of preventing evil, as evil will ever be present until the day of the Maker's return, but instead, as Aislinn said, of knowing evil so that we can see it coming, and avoid causing it to arise in our affairs at all costs."

"Hear, hear," Honnely agreed and lifted his goblet, everyone else following suit.

"Well spoken," Cullen told the Mother, and heard Aislinn saying the exact same thing at almost the same time from across the table. He avoided looking at her and pretended not to notice, but he found it a little amusing.

But it was a promising moment, one that Aislinn felt good about. She hoped things continued the way they'd been going, if only because it hurt to think that their efforts would have been all for naught. It also scared her for Gracie since Aislinn wanted the little girl to have a good life. She never wanted to see anything else bad happening her, and sometimes, she thought she was a bad option for a Mother to her because of it, being a mage with problems of her own to deal with. Marleyna seemed to disagree, but Aislinn still had her concerns.

When the dinner was concluded, Marleyna bid them a goodnight and she walked out with Ser Honnely who offered to escort her to the Monastery where her quarters were located. Johanna joined them, and Uwen let a yawn of his own.

"The time to retire is swiftly approaching," he chuckled, moving to the door. "First Enchanter, Knight Commander, sleep well."

"Thank you, Uwen. Pleasant dreams," Aislinn replied with a smile, stepping out into the empty hallways with him, Cullen just behind the two mages, while Uwen headed on to his quarters. Aislinn turned around one the Elf was gone and looked over at Cullen, asking him then, "So, did you bring your compass?"

Cullen was glad she didn't seem upset about anything at all, allowing himself to smile over her suggestion and reply with, "No, but I can manage."

"Still, it's been a long day. I'd hate for the new Commander to have to knock on one of his men's doors to get a little direction. I'll go with you, just incase."

Not in much of a mood to argue - it had been a long day after all - Cullen gave Aislinn a single nod and went in the direction he remembered coming in, deciding that now would be a good time to make the offer of the book to her anyway. Before he got to that though, he said, "The Revered Mother isn't quite what I expected."

"She's very witty, but don't let that fool you. She can pass out wisdom and give sermons with the best of them."

"I have no doubts. Still, I'd expected someone a bit more...solemn."

He heard Aislinn softly chuckling, reaching the steps with her before she covered her mouth with a yawn, briefly stopping in her step. Cullen looked back to see the show of fatigue, asking, "Are you alright?"

Once she was done, she nodded and started moving again. "Yes, sorry, it's been a long day. Tomorrow will be much more simple."

"Not much to do?"

"No, thankfully. Gracie will be out of class, and I'd planned on spending most of it with her since we get so little time together. Usually she's being shuffled between myself, Niria, Uwen, Ila, and Marleyna, but I think she enjoys the attention."

"She seems to," Cullen admitted, thinking of how she'd asked him to carry her, which he'd liked. If it was true, and Gracie was a little mage in the making, Cullen had found some sound proof that magic actually wasn't a curse sent by the Maker himself. Why would the Maker curse a child so young who'd wronged no one? Cullen, despite his disdain for most mages, had never thought they'd actually been cursed, except for perhaps with stubbornness and the refusal to listen to reason. That was what led such a thing as magical ability to go bad. It would become twisted, just as the hubris of men had twisted heaven by entering into it to begin with, and thus twisted themselves into Darkspawn. The parallels were fitting.

If he were less humble, he might've considered that perhaps the Maker simply needed to be more careful whom was blessed with the ability, but all of his doings had purpose. Even Cullen knew his time spent being tortured in the Tower wasn't for nothing. From the way he saw it, the Maker had simply been opening his eyes as had been mentioned earlier at the dinner table.

"I'm surprised she asked you to carry her," Aislinn spoke through his thoughts as they'd reached the top of the steps, still allowing him to lead the way. She'd only point if he turned a wrong path. "She usually doesn't ask strangers, so I know she likes you."

"It's hard not to like her," Cullen informed Aislinn. "She's a sweet child. I don't often get a chance to interact with them when they're so young."

Cullen was about to suggest that Gracie was also very smart for a child her age, but he felt Aislinn grabbing his arm suddenly as he'd turned a corner, and he looked over and down at her in confusion. As soon as he did, she smirked and shook her head, then jerked her thumb in the opposite direction silently.

Cullen looked down that particular hallway, seeing his chamber doors at the end. He'd _almost_ made it, he thought, and he found a little humor in his obvious mistake. "I see," he told her, and - feeling reluctant to pull away from her - turned in that direction.

"You were so close," Aislinn teased, letting go of his arm. "Oh well, tomorrow's a new day. I think you can find it from here as well, so I'll just bid you a goodnight."

Cullen had looked back when she didn't continue walking with him, wishing that pang of disappointment would bugger off somewhere else, all while nodding at her somewhat dumbly when he suddenly remembered the book. "Oh," he started before bidding her a goodnight in return, "I was curious if you'd like to have that book?"

"Which one? Oh, The Glass Cup?"

"Yes. You said you'd lost yours."

A slow smile crept onto Aislinn's face, one that made Cullen suddenly feel like his heart might've stopped as she informed him, "I don't want to deprive you. I can always have Julian put in the order for it."

"I see...," he trailed, adding, "well, if you change your mind...," then another thought popped into his head, and he asked before he could think better of it, "Don't you need someone to...escort you?" Wouldn't that be the proper thing to do after all?

Aislinn couldn't help but grin at him, saying, "That's very sweet of you, Cullen, but I wouldn't dream of getting you lost, or we'd be walking each other back and forth all night long." She got exactly what she wanted in saying it was sweet of him to offer, seeing his cheeks redden a bit, so with her smile still in place, she turned and said, "Goodnight, Commander, and pleasant dreams." With those words, Aislinn walked back in the direction she'd come from.

Cullen just watched her until she was gone, then he looked down thoughtfully and slowly turned. He couldn't help but think to himself that, for some reason, he was anxious to see what tomorrow might bring. Highly anxious in fact. For some strange reason, he had a good feeling about what the future might bring.

As Aislinn walked back to her own chambers, she felt accomplished somehow. Everything was going smoothly. Sometimes, when it went so smoothly, she got a gut feeling that said _something_ was going to go wrong. Right now, that feeling hadn't hit her. Maybe that was the bad sign in itself, but at that moment, she just wanted to take her positive feelings at face value and not worry with any potential problems until tomorrow. She could at least afford that much.

The only thing that really had her second guessing were the facts about this Circle that Cullen wasn't yet privy to, things that Marleyna would do best to inform him of. Aislinn could only hope that they wouldn't be too unsettling for Cullen to handle.

The only thing she knew fore sure at that point was that things were at least certainly uncertain.


	14. Maker's Intent

_XIV. Maker's Intent_

The following day for Cullen was spent going over rosters, posts, duties, traveling about the manor to learn more of the layout - and he brought his compass just incase - as well as being shown to his own study finally which, according to Honnely, hadn't been quite readily prepared the day before, not that it had mattered since it would be some time before Cullen officially took over the duties of Knight Commander from Honnely since there was still much about the Circle that he needed to learn and be orientated with.

Aside from that, Cullen met on a more personal basis with several of his men, including Knight Captain Dreyan, whom took Honnely's suggestion to show Cullen more of the outside of the manor's grounds. They acquired their mounts from the stables where the stable master informed Cullen that the Chantry had a few horses being sent from which he could pick a regular mount to take since most men of rank had one at Morsfeld Manor due to the grounds being so expansive. For the time being, there was a black stallion with a white mane and tail who was a bit older and very mild tempered, the same Cullen had used when he'd arrived at the manor, that he had to ride.

They rode from the stables and around the immediate grounds to start off, and whenever they came to a stop, Cullen would tug out his compass to familiarize himself with the area as the sun wasn't out, hidden behind grey clouds that day, making it hard to tell which way was which without it. He thought it was a little humorous that the Kirkwall Templar's gag gift to him had actually come in so handy, but he put it to good use.

They'd stayed inside of the walls surrounding the manor mostly, and though it was overcast, it wasn't raining yet, just a little windy. Cullen knew one of the things he was going to have to grow accustomed to again was the weather in Ferelden as it had been so warm in the Free Marches nearly year round. But he ignored it and paid more attention to what he'd been doing, finding that the manor's grounds had many different areas to be learned about.

Much of it closer in was gardened, but out toward the walls were more trees and flat grassy areas. There was also a courtyard behind the manor like in the front, but apparently it was more populated with the mage students who liked to sit outside and do work or even socialize with one another around a large fountain that, at current, wasn't spilling any water. Unlike at the Gallows, when he rode past with Dreyan, no one seemed to cringe away from them for any reason. The mages just continued talking, some of them laughing amongst themselves, and one of them called a hello out to the Knight Captain even.

Dreyan gave a nod of recognition to the mage, replied with the words, "Good day, Carson," and continued to ride on. Briefly, Cullen wondered if he might gain that type of popularity among the mages, but he somehow doubted it, and besides, he wasn't striving for popularity anyway. But he had to admit, having that level of comfort with them wouldn't be a bad thing.

Another landmark the manor's grounds featured was a fairly large pond with a bridge built over it a little over a hundred and fifty yards from the back of the manor. Trees with pink and white blossoms which were currently falling away from it in the cold weather stood around the pond, and it gave it an ethereal type of view under the silvery sky. Some of the residents sometimes liked to fish from the stone bridge crossing the pond it seemed, which included the mages as there were a few doing just that. In passing, Cullen heard one of them wondering if there was a way to enchant their bait to make the fishing easier, followed by his friend's laugh of amusement over the suggestion.

No matter where you were on the grounds, but especially from behind the manor, it was easy to look off out beyond the walls and see distant mountains. The scenery was beautiful, and Cullen wondered if Marleyna had chosen the spot to build on because of that.

Functions taking place outside included classes being given on Horticulture in the gardens, a few young mages being taught some very simple spells on one of the patios they passed, and there was also a training ground on the right of the manor where Templars were practicing and training, currently in archery. Dreyan came to a stop on his horse outside of the fence alongside Cullen, watching ten of his men aiming and then firing when the shout was given. Most of them hit their targets accurately with only one or two far misses, and three got the bulls eye, being commended by the men standing next to them for the good work.

It was nice to see the men encouraging one another in such a way, Cullen thought, and quietly took in the display while settled atop his mount, fists covering the pommel of his saddle.

"They work hard," Dreyan spoke after a few minutes, looking over at his new Commander. "After everything that happened to Honnely, many of them volunteered to put in more time than they had to in order to make sure they didn't slip in any of their abilities until a new commander could be found."

With a nod of his head, Cullen replied, "They're doing excellent work. They must have respected Honnely a great deal attempt to double their load in efforts to remain in top condition."

"He's a good man and a capable leader, even now, despite his injury," Dreyan supplied. "He can still ride, though he refrains from going out on any important missions in order to keep from compromising us, but his archery is adept. Sadly his swordplay isn't what it once was obviously."

Cullen nodded in understanding since using your legs in a blade fight was necessary to keeping the upper hand for the most part. No doubt Honnely still had enough ability to overcome someone who didn't have as much skill or experience, but his leg was a definite disadvantage. As he had the thought, and not too long after Dreyan had spoken, a young boy of about ten years old went running out onto the training field toward one of the knights who'd called him, carrying a two-handed sword that looked twice his size, but he moved as if it weren't a burden, which impressed Cullen.

"Who is that? The squire?"

"Ah, yes," Dreyan said when he looked to see the child Cullen was talking about. "That's Marcus, an orphan from Denerim, now a squire serving here, Sister Elena's charge. He's a quiet lad, never said more than two words at once that I can remember, and he's been working hard to prove himself. Carries a two-handed sword easily for such a small boy I think."

"That's what I was just thinking."

Cullen saw Dreyan giving a nod from the corner of his vision and looked over at the man as Dreyan added, "He'll make a fine Knight one day. It's easy to see he has hopes for it."

As the men were switching to exercises with a blade, the reason the young squire had brought the weapon out to the Knight, Marcus had turned and run back to the fence to settle there again. Listening to Dreyan and agreeing silently, Cullen's mind got off of the topic as he watched the boy moving toward the fences to sit and wait to be called on again because as the child had moved, Cullen could've swore he saw two boys instead of one. In fact, he was starting to see twins of Dreyan as well.

It had begun drizzling by then, with the promise of getting heavier along the way, and Cullen squinted his eyes and reached up to rub them when the double vision hit him along with a slight spell of dizziness. Dreyan noticed the movement and looked over before he asked, "Ser, is everything alright?"

"Yes," Cullen replied, "a little rain water splashed my eyes." That wasn't the truth, but Cullen knew precisely what was, and it wasn't something that was critical - at the moment. He would simply be needing another dose of Lyrium soon, the symptoms typical of his withdrawal, and he suggested, "Perhaps we should return for now. The weather's only getting worse, and I have other things I still need to get to."

"Of course," Dreyan replied, and he and Cullen both began to head off to go back to the manor. After they'd returned their mounts to the stables, Cullen went to his study where he began going over more of the information, where Honnely stopped in to see how he was faring.

With everything going fine, Cullen found out during their conversation that apparently the mages were allowed to leave the Manor once a week with a group of Templars to visit the nearby village of Morsfeld, and Cullen wasn't certain he agreed with the idea, but Honnely said there'd been no troubles, though he should speak with Marleyna sometime if he really wished to discuss it. Cullen decided he might just do so, and in the meantime, occupied himself with who was assigned to what area, spending the rest of his day touring about the manor on his own to find those destinations where his men were assigned to see just what he might find there.

Next to nothing was out of place in his judgement, and every knight he came across was respectful and, if doing something not up to par, sounded determined to right their wrongs. Much of the rest of Cullen's day consisted of such activities, and once, when walking down the hallways, he told a Knight to stand up straight and immediately heard Ser Greagoir instead of himself.

He cringed when no one was looking, wondering if he'd already gotten that old or if it was true in that your first commander usually bore the most impact on you. Somehow he wasn't certain he was completely fond of that thought. He had nothing against Greagoir, but still, he didn't want to, well, _be_ him.

He decided not to dwell on it however before he turned in for bed that night after having dinner. It wasn't quite as busy a day as the previous had been, but it had kept him going. Cullen realized he hadn't seen the First Enchanter either, but he wasn't in a rush for that. After all, they were living in the same place now. He'd probably be seeing her more times than he could count in the future.

Not as if he'd needed to see her however when he dreamt of her that same night. It was a vague dream for the most part, everything fuzzy and nothing pronounced. He'd apparently gone to Aislinn's study with a question he couldn't remember once he'd awoken, and the only thing he could remember clearly was Aislinn telling him she'd only give him an answer if he gave her a kiss first.

He also remembered complying to her wishes. Yes, he remembered complying to that request particularly thoroughly, even going in to do so a second time just to make sure the kiss had been good enough to get whatever it was that he'd wanted to begin with. Cullen wanted to call that a good dream, the sensations it brought to him something he'd longed to actually feel, but he could only look at those dreams as tormenting teases anymore, leaving him empty when he woke.

But the rest of that particular dream was all a dull blur, which was unusual because Cullen could usually remember his dreams rather well. The answer to 'why' was easily figured out when he woke however.

The Lyrium was still coming out of his system.

Cullen could feel it easily. Some Templars didn't have symptoms for a while, and others were hit with it almost immediately following a long period of going without. For Cullen, he seemed to have a little warning with some dizziness and blurred or double vision for a while before it all really - and most times suddenly - took hold of him. He hadn't taken any the night before because he thought he'd have a little more time, but when he awoke that morning, he could barely remember where he was. Still, he had enough sense in his head that he remembered _where_ his last vial was, and without hesitation, he went to go get it.

He hated the vague thoughts and the trouble remembering simple things that came with the withdrawal. It was degrading in a way, embarrassing if someone noticed, but mostly, the need to have more of the substance could be painful. Cullen had experienced withdrawal worse than this however. One of the hardest parts of resisting the Demons in the Circle Tower was having to go without Lyrium for so long. The good thing was that he'd taken a dose the night of the first attacks, so he'd been able to last longer. But had he gone another week without it, he would have been in big trouble.

In fact, he may already been dead if he'd been waiting as long to take any as he just had before the incident had happened.

It was something he'd questioned since then, the addiction that Templars had to Lyrium - not because it didn't result in some beneficial things with it's use, but simply the curiosity of whether or not there was a better way to take the Lyrium without becoming addicted to it. He had to question it after his experience in the Tower as the things that the withdrawal brought on a person would have easily brought him to his death quickly. He knew he wasn't the only one to wonder if there was a better way in that sense, but he almost feared bringing the topic up to the Chantry. If someone took the question the wrong way, he could possibly face some kind of reprimand because there had been rumblings in the ranks before of the Chantry using the addiction to control their Knights. So asking could have made someone question whether or not he was being disloyal to an extent.

But he pushed those thoughts from his head after he'd taken his final dose, and leaned on his dresser, trying to straighten his thoughts while waiting for the impact of the Lyrium to kick in. Usually, it didn't take too long, and this time was no exception. It was like a fog was lifting from his mind, everything becoming much more clear to him, and the first sensible thought he had was that he needed to find Ser Honnely and ask him which of the Mother's supplied the Knights here with the substance.

It was a task he'd looked over with all of the other integrations going on, and turning to head to his door once he'd gotten his armor on, Cullen opened it and left the room to do just that.

Honnely, he found out, was in the Chantry. Cullen headed in that direction and stopped in the entryway to the Atrium which was a large archway with religious and symbolic carvings etched into the marble around it, when he saw Honnely with Johanna, speaking over some issue or another. The conversation was apparently coming to an end however because Honnely was nodding and saying good day to her as she walked off, and he turned on his cane and began to heard toward the archway where Cullen stood before he ever saw him.

"Good morning, Ser," the older Templar greeted politely, saying no more because he didn't know that Cullen had come to talk to him.

"Good morning," Cullen returned, and when Honnely was close enough, he added, "I was looking for you."

"Oh?," the older Knight asked and came to a stop, adding, "I hope you didn't have any trouble finding me. What can I do for you?"

"I needed to ask you which of the Mother's supplies the Templars here." He didn't need to say more than that, knowing Honnely would understand his meaning. Because the Lyrium addiction was a secret the Chantry didn't want getting out, it was best when speaking of it to be as nonspecific as possible. "With everything going on, I hadn't yet gotten a chance to ask you about it."

Honnely nodded his head, but his expression was one that Cullen wasn't quite sure what to make of. He looked almost sympathetic, and it took him a moment to say anything at all. But he finally informed Cullen, "Ah, the Revered Mother handles it mostly. Mother Johanna does when Marleyna is busy."

"I see. Thank you," Cullen replied, deciding not to ask Honnely why he'd reacted so strangely to the question. Instead, he wished the man a pleasant day and walked on into the Chantry, coming to a stop near Mother Johanna who was standing near the alter, making sure it was clean.

She heard his footsteps and looked back before he reached her, offering him a smile. "Good morning, Knight Commander. Did you need something in specific?"

"Good morning, Mother Johanna," Cullen returned, allowing her to put her cleaning clothe down and turn to give him her attention, folding her hands low over her stomach in wait. Once she had, Cullen asked her, "Is the Revered Mother free to speak?"

"She's having breakfast. Have you eaten yet?"

"No, actually, I haven't."

"Oh, well I think she'd like to have some company. Come, I'll ask her for you."

Deciding that killing two birds with one stone wasn't a problem, he nodded and allowed her to lead the way. Johanna turned and took him into one of the doors located at the back of the Chantry, down a short corridor that had another door at the end, and she opened it up to reveal that it led outside onto a patio that was walled in, somewhat like the one in the dining hall, but much smaller and more private. As Cullen stepped out, he could see that the patio was also connected to a door which led into a kitchen on the far right, and at one of the two tables settled out there was seated the Revered Mother who held a tome in one of her hands, reading quietly, sipping some kind of steaming liquid from a tea cup in the other.

But she looked up when she heard the door, and settled her tea cup down as she gave Johanna a smile, saying, "Hello, young Mother, did Honnely find you?"

"He did," Johanna informed her, then she waved a hand at Cullen and said, "I was wondering if you might like some company this morning. Ser Cullen is here to see you, and he has yet to have breakfast."

"Oh, well we can't allow him to go hungry," Marleyna pointed out with a smile. "Would you care to join me, Commander?"

"I would like that," he agreed, stepping toward the table once he'd been invited, and pulled out a chair to settle himself in.

"I'm having eggs, scrambled, and toast. The cook informed me that we have bacon in storage, but I declined. If you'd like some however, feel free to request it. Marganita is nothing if not enthusiastic about her work."

"Eggs and toast sounds perfectly fine," Cullen informed her, looking over when he heard the door shutting, signaling that Johanna had just left the patio area. It was a nice morning out as well, the sun was shining through a cloudless sky for once, and there was a slight nip in the air, but nothing that made the sunshine any less enjoyable. Since the sky was so clear, Cullen figured he knew why Marleyna had chosen this particular venue. In the coming months, it would be much too cold for it, so she probably wanted to get her chance while she still could.

As he took in the setting, Marleyna asked him, "So what brings you to the Chantry this early in the morning, child? Johanna said you were looking to speak with me?"

"Uh, yes, I needed to ask you something I haven't had a chance to yet." When Marleyna motioned for him to continue, he said, "Honnely tells me you supply the men here, and my stock has diminished after my journey."

"I see," Marleyna replied with a nod, and the door across the way opened up as the cook, a middle aged woman who was a bit rotund but no less beautiful for it came walking out with a nicely sized tray to settle onto the table for them.

"Oh, I see you found your company now, Revered Mother," she spoke, her accent Orlesian. "Is there anything I can make for you? There should be plenty on the tray here in either case."

Marleyna chuckled, informing Cullen, "This is Marganita. She always makes extra because I tend to end up with unexpected company so often."

"Well met," Cullen greeted, then told her, "and thank you, but I'm fine with the current selection."

"Yes, Ser. Call me if something's needed, and I'll bring you some honied tea, it's hot."

The woman turned to walk away, and once she'd gone back inside, Marleyna got Cullen's attention by saying, "She's a sweet lady, but I think she dotes over me too much." There was an amused smile on her face as she spoke. "I almost had to tell her she'd be sent to serve elsewhere if she didn't allow me to serve myself from time to time. I may be old, but I'm no glass doll that will break with the slightest movement."

Cullen smiled. Marleyna seemed like the kind of woman who prided herself in being able to do for herself, and he could understand the sentiment. Being served and waited on hand and foot probably just felt annoying after a while. Even now, she was already putting her plate together from the food Marganita had put under the lidded tray, just as the cook was walking back out with a tea cup carrying more of the steaming liquid she'd said was honied tea that Marleyna had been drinking herself, and she settled it near Cullen on the table.

Telling them both to enjoy, the cook went back inside, and after thanking her, Cullen looked back at Marleyna and asked, "Do you often eat breakfast on the patio?"

"Sometimes, if the weather permits. It's nice to have a clear sky overhead and the sun shining down." While she spoke, she finished preparing her plate and asked in return, "What about you? You strike me as the type to enjoy the outdoors."

"I do like to get out whenever I can," he affirmed.

"Good, we have that in common then. Now," she went on, and bowed her head as was customary in order to offer up a blessing before their meal. Cullen followed suit, listening as Marleyna thanked their Maker and added a line to provide for the ones less fortunate who didn't receive steady meals from day to day, then asked for his blessing and raised her head again.

As she looked back at Cullen who was lifting his head as well, she took her napkin and spread it in her lap, then went for her utensils. "Forgive me, I got sidetracked from what you came to me for. You're out of stock, you say?"

"Yes," Cullen nodded, getting his own things together for his meal.

"When was your last use?"

That wasn't an uncommon question, especially when in a new place, and Cullen replied, "This morning."

"What about before then?"

_That_ question seemed a little strange. "Five days ago, not long before I arrived."

Marleyna nodded, chewing a bite of her food and swallowing it before she told him, "I'll have a supply waiting for you later today. Might I ask you, is five days the longest you can go before things begin to wear on you?"

Cullen had taken a bite of his own food, and while he wasn't sure why the Revered Mother was asking him this in specific, he didn't deny her an answer. "Sometimes, but I've gone for longer without it when need be."

"Lyrium is a strange thing in that fashion," she commented in return. "I've known some Templars who can go two weeks or a little better without needing any, and others who can go but a few days. I've also noticed that the ones who can only go but a few days are sometimes more lax in their duties, while the ones who go longer can be more temperamental."

"I hadn't noticed that, actually. Not that I've dealt to other Templars however."

Marleyna was finishing a bite of food before she replied. "You notice it more easily when you're supplying." She then sighed and shook her head, the next line she spoke being one that Cullen found curious considering he'd had the very same thought that morning. "It may not be my place to say, but I simply wish there was a better way to handle all of that business without addicting men and women to a substance that makes them react so harshly when they haven't had any."

For once, Cullen found a window into a conversation he'd always thought to have but had never gotten a real chance to, and he took it. "I agree, actually."

"You do?," Marleyna asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Yes, if it's not too forward of me. It can be a tactical disadvantage."

"I'd say more than that to be honest, Ser Cullen. However, I agree with that assessment as well." Marleyna gave him a meaningful look as she leaned forward a bit and lifted her tea cup, her light blue eyes curious as she regarded him, "How did the Mother who administered your last Chantry handle the supply of her Templars?"

Cullen thought about that for a moment, saying, "We were each to pay visit, receive our blessings with the dose."

"Then do you find it strange that I give an amount to last for a short while instead?"

"No, they handled it the same way at Kinloch Hold. It seems to vary from Chantry to Chantry depending on the Clergy there I've noticed."

Marleyna nodded in understanding after hearing that, saying, "I've never been comfortable with demanding the Templars come to the Chantry in order to receive their usual dose along with a blessing. It felt more like simply luring them in than having them come of their own accord."

Cullen could see her meaning, and he agreed with it as well. It had nothing to do with the fact that he would have a supply all his own which was much more convenient, but instead because it took away the chance to show faith and dedication to the Maker himself without any type of provocation. But he did say, "I agree, though I doubt that was the entire purpose of asking us to come and receive the dose."

"No," Marleyna chuckled. "Though I've known some of the young Mothers to worry and fret that the Knights won't come on a regular basis. But enough of that talk for now. I wanted to say I'm glad you came here this morning. We've yet to really discuss things or even simply talk to each other."

"No, we haven't yet."

"So, then let's get started off on the right foot. You've been here two days now. Have you been able to form a more solid opinion?"

Cullen hesitated briefly, more so he could get his words right in his head than anything, and looked out at nothing while he informed her, "I believe the men I'm to command are all capable, that Honnely has done well with them. I've spoken less with the mages, but they appear to be agreeable. My doubts still persist however, and I find myself confused over my purpose because of it."

Listening in earnest, Marleyna motioned and requested, "Name some of your doubts, child, and we'll see what we can see."

At her request, Cullen's first thought was of what Honnely had informed him the prior day, so he started with that. "Well, for one, I hear you allow a few mages to travel into Morsfeld once a week with a grouping of Templars."

"Yes, for a little time out I suppose you could call it."

Cullen looked down at the top of the table, deciding that honesty was the best policy, and once his words were right in his head, he glanced back at her to ask, "But what happens when one of the mages winds up harming someone? Or even a citizen of the town becomes scared and incites something themselves?"

Marleyna didn't hesitate in answer except to tug her fork from her mouth and swallow what she'd just eaten of her food. Following that, she waved her fork a bit as if to conduct her words. "Honnely asked me the same thing. The citizens of Morsfeld are used to the visits however. They even request the aide of our mages from time to time, to help with differing matters using their magic. So far, we haven't had any trouble from them."

"What about the mages themselves?"

He hadn't expected her to chuckle, but she did. "The honest truth is that it took the mages a while to be comfortable going into town to begin with, and only two or three went each week. For quite some time, it was the same ones bold enough to step into Morsfeld in such a manner, meaning a manner that all of the villagers knew they were mages and looked at them with heavy doubt and scrutiny. Some still prefer not to go as well, and we only let those who are truly comfortable travel. Now, we send about ten mages each week, and not even the Senior Mages are sure about it. The only two I know of who travel with the group whenever they leave are Aislinn and Uwen."

That was something Cullen hadn't been privy to, but he supposed he could see why a mage would be reluctant to expose themselves in such a fashion. Most apostates were comfortable simply because they were hiding what they were, not among people who knew for a fact that they could wield magic. Being somewhere that _everyone_ knew what you were was a different story however.

He wondered why it didn't surprise him to hear that Aislinn went on these trips despite that scrutiny.

Marleyna watched Cullen for a moment after she'd said this, able to see that the Commander was taking it all in and still seemed. So she asked him, "Do you believe the Maker has a purpose for everyone, Ser Cullen?"

Cullen couldn't help but give her a somewhat strange look. "Doesn't the Chant...," he trailed to a stop because Marleyna had shaken her head at him.

"I'm not asking to quote verses, my child. I meant to ask you how _you_ feel. Do _you_ believe he has a purpose for everything he creates in your heart?"

Understanding her meaning better now, Cullen gave an easy answer, which was, "Yes, I do."

"Then, do you also believe he guides us into situations for a reason, even if we don't see it coming and can't understand why it's happening?"

"Yes."

"Hmm," she drew out as if considering what he'd told her like she might never have had an inkling of the notion that the Maker did things on purpose in this manner before. Settling her fork down, she laced her fingers together and placed her hands against her chin in thought with her elbows at the edge of the table. Cullen found himself curious of what she might be about to say.

"I've often wondered to myself why I turned down the chance to become a Grand Cleric so many years ago. Back then, I felt that my station was being served well and I could help more as the Revered Mother, that a change wasn't needed and might hinder my work. Still, I'd wondered at myself for not moving up as it were. For all I knew, someone in Redcliffe could have needed me just as much, and I worried I may have let them down. Now," she stopped for a moment, looking around the vine-covered walls of the patio and added, "I think I'm starting to see why I turned the position down."

Cullen wasn't exactly certain what this had to do with allowing a group of mages to visit Morsfeld once a week, but he let the woman finish her thoughts before he would say anything. She looked at him following her words and said in addition, "I watch the things going on here day in and out when I can, and even though there are things I doubt, I wonder if, in opposing them, would I be opposing the will of the Maker? Going on faith that he has the path planned out and knowing he has everything happen for a reason, even the bad things, isn't easy to do."

"That's true," Cullen gave, starting to see how she was tying this all together now. "But he's gifted us with the things we need in order to follow him and make our decisions in accordance with his demands."

"That he did," she agreed, "but the trouble so many have is interpretation." Following that suggestion, she sat back and added, "For instance, Justinia interpreted in her sermons that magic was made to serve man, not rule over him. In turn, that was interpreted to mean that any magic which rules the mind, or heart of a man, is encroaching on the very laws of the Maker, and therefore sinful. These are all fair interpretations."

"What are you suggesting?," Cullen asked curiously.

"Well, simply that it takes time to understand all of the interpretations there could be. After all, the Chant itself isn't learned in a mere day," she said with a smile. "Once it's learned, we have to determine its meaning, and there's usually more than just one simple meaning, sometimes not so simple. We also learn new things about the world around us everyday, find new things in it so often that we now have the Seekers of Truth. We have to adapt to this new information, incorporate it, so we can continue on and thrive, serving His will properly."

Cullen had become so intent on the conversation that he'd forgotten all about eating the rest of his meal. Thoughtfully, he asked the Revered Mother, "Then you're suggesting that the Maker may have more than one purpose for whatever he does?"

"Yes, and until we understand all of the meanings behind whatever he has happen, we _have_ to have faith in him that it's the right thing, doubts or no."

Cullen could see where Marleyna was coming from with that, especially in regards to his admitted confusion earlier. Once he'd pieced it altogether in his head, he asked her, "Then why do you think he sent me here?"

"I couldn't tell you that, not precisely. I know you've had some bad experiences with mages before, which Aislinn spoke of, and that makes me wonder just as much as you seem to about why the Maker might have sent you to such a Circle which I'm sure a person of your stance would view as unfitting." Marleyna then lowered her hands from her chin and looked back at him to finish, "But for the things I cannot see, I do know that whether you're here to find out some deeper, personal meaning that will enrich your life, or if you're here to stop any questionable practices of this Circle in the name of Andraste herself," she spoke somewhat dramatically, then finished more wisely, "it will come to be shown in due time."

Cullen took the words to heart, looking down at the table top while considering them. He had to find his place as she's just informed him, and have faith in the Maker's decisions in the meantime, though Marleyna didn't know precisely all of the angles about Cullen having come there, such as his continued feelings for Aislinn Amell. Why the Maker had sent him here on that end, Cullen was far less sure about. Tiem and patience was needed, he supposed.

Either way, Marleyna got his attention once more by saying, "Why don't you go out with the mages today and see what you think of the excursion personally. Perhaps it will lessen some of your confusion."

Cullen decided that sounded like a good idea for more reasons than one, and he nodded his agreement out to her. "I will do so."

"Good," Marleyna smiled. Before more could be said over the matter however, the door opened, and she looked over to see one of the Chantry Sister's who stood to the side to reveal Aislinn.

The First Enchanter held Gracie's hand as she thanked the Sister and stepped out onto the Patio while Marleyna told Cullen, "Ah, it looks like my pupil has arrived."

They began approaching the two seated at the table while Gracie grinned at them, and Aislinn greeted by saying, "Good morning. How's breakfast?"

"Delicious. Have you eaten yet this morning?," Marleyna asked.

"Yes," Aislinn nodded as she came to a stop near the table. "Gracie and I ate with Uwen and Ila earlier."

"Ah, if Ila cooked, then I'm certain you're both full," Marleyna smiled. "I managed to get some surprise company in the form of the Commander here, myself. He came seeking supply from me, and helped me to put Marganita's over cooking to use."

Cullen was surprised by Marleyna mentioning such a thing about supply to a mage, but even more surprised when Aislinn didn't ask what _kind_ of supply he'd come seeking, thinking she might've found the line curious enough to ask. Instead, she just nodded, replying with, "I see. Well, I have more company for you then. Gracie is ready for her writing instruction."

Marleyna smiled fondly down at the child and reached out a hand. When she did, Gracie went over to her immediately and climbed up to sit in her lap. She had on a pretty little blue dress that only made her look even more adorable if that were possible, and once she was settled in Marleyna's lap, the Revered Mother asked her, "Is that so?"

The little girl started nodding silently. Then she looked at Cullen and seemed to remember something, glancing back to Marleyna before saying, "I taught Cullen manners yesterday."

Marleyna closed her eyes and began snickering, while Aislinn reached up to rub the bridge of her nose in amusement. Cullen grinned at her, and couldn't resist asking, "Just when are you going to give me my followup lessons?"

"Huh?," Gracie asked as if she were suddenly worried about something she might've forgotten.

"You need to make sure I learned correctly, don't you?"

"Oh! Right!," Gracie replied quickly. "Um...I'll get back to you with that."

They all chuckled over the conversation, and Aislinn walked over to Gracie, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Behave yourself, sweetie."

Gracie leaned up and gave Aislinn a kiss on the cheek in return, then said as if she could do no other, "I always am, it's Mother Marley! She has a stash of candy in her desk she gives me when I do good!"

"Oh, so it's the candy that keeps you behaved," Aislinn chuckled as she stood up straight once more folding her arms over her chest and giving the girl a scrutinizing look. "I'll remember that."

"I most certainly do _not_ have a stash of candy in my desk," Marleyna spoke on the contrary, then added plainly, "Ser Honnely broke in and stole it from me."

"He did not!," Gracie argued.

"How do you know?," Marleyna asked in a scrutinizing manner that the grown ups around could tell was playful.

"Because he would've gave me some!," Gracie replied as if it were a common occurrence and pursed her lips at the Mother.

"Given," Marleyna chuckled out. "You're right, I _do_ have a small stash, but Ser Honnely must never know, agreed?" Aislinn was snickering as Gracie gave a vigorous nod of her head, and as Marleyna grinned and reminded her, "Oh, you also never got to see what I brought you from Amaranthine, young lady."

Gracie gasped suddenly, her blue eyes wide, and she asked, "Can we go now!"

"Well, certainly. I see no reason we couldn't. I'll need to gather my things for your class anyway." As she'd spoken, Gracie climbed off of Marleyna's lap so they could go, and grabbed her hand while the Revered Mother stood from her seat in her Chantry robes with a smile. She looked over at Cullen and told him, "I'm being dragged off as you can see. We'll speak more later, and don't forget to come by my study in the Chantry this afternoon for your supply."

"Yes, Revered Mother," Cullen told her, deciding to stand as well since Gracie was stealing the spotlight. He watched the little girl moving faster than Marleyna was, eagerly opening the door to leave, while Aislinn walked over casually behind the two. The door shut just before she could reach it, and she took the knob and reopened it.

Cullen was heading in behind her, putting his hand on the door above her head to hold it open while she walked back inside, still hearing Gracie down the hallway trying to guess whatever it was that Marleyna might have had for her from Amaranthine like any typical child about to get some kind of surprise gift might do.

As their voices faded, Aislinn heard Cullen asking, "Marleyna teaches Gracie?"

"Writing and script, yes. Gracie's starting to get very good at it. Marleyna teaches her on Wednesday mornings since mine are usually occupied." She looked back up at him as they emerged into the atrium of the Chantry and asked, "Did you and she talk about much?"

"Yes," he nodded in reply, trying his best to keep his thoughts off of the dream he'd had about her the night before which had suddenly popped into his head. He wondered why, after the trouble remembering anything else, the kiss had to be the part that stood out the most for him. The image in his mind of how he'd pulled her in close and she'd wrapped her arms around them as their mouths met was one that made his blood race a bit, so keeping his mind off of it was at the top of his interests just then.

That being the case, he focused on his conversation with Marleyna and said, "We discussed the topic of mages visiting Morsfeld every week."

Aislinn started nodding as she knew that was a topic that some weren't sure they agreed with the idea of, but so far, everything had gone fine. Still, she asked Cullen, "Not something you're comfortable with allowing, is it?"

"I...no, I can't say that it is. However, the Revered Mother suggested I travel with the group this morning so I could get a more personal perspective on it. I thought it was a wise idea."

Aislinn looked up with a thoughtful expression and nodded. "That sounds good. Dreyan is normally the one who comes along with a group of Templars, but if you'd like to come, he can stay here and make sure to keep things going while we're away."

Curiously, Cullen looked down at her and asked, "What is it that you do when you go there?"

Aislinn shrugged, "Some of us shop, some of us mingle a little. We've been asked to do tricks for the children before, but we try not to do that too often. It's hard enough for some of us being in a village like that _without_ using magic."

"What about you?," he asked before he could think better of it.

"Me? Well," she thought for a moment as they passed the archway and into the corridor, "there's a tailor in the village. I always go there to see what kinds of material they have, and if I have the money, I'll buy myself or Gracie something. There's also a bookstore I'd love to be able to go to, but the man there doesn't like for us to come in, so we avoid it. I've been itching to see what kinds of books he has though. I wanted to ask one of the Templars to go in and look around for me, but I couldn't do that."

Cullen figured he knew why. A Templar couldn't ignore his pressing duties in such a way. So he asked, "Why doesn't the shopkeeper like for you to come in? Marleyna told me that the villagers seemed to accept the visits."

"They do," Aislinn agreed readily, confirming Marleyna's words before adding an explanation. "But you know how some people are. He's an older man, and apparently he just doesn't like us all that much. Dreyan and I both agree that it's better not to cause much of a stir and to simply remain in view of the Templars outside most times. Only one mage goes into a shop at a time because of that, unless more than one mage requests to visit the same shop. That was Dreyan's way of handling it anyway."

Cullen could see the merit in handling it in such a fashion even if he wasn't sure he liked the idea of allowing the mages to leave to begin with. But for the sake of actually allowing them some freedom outside of the Circle once a week, handling it in such a manner sounded well thought out.

Still, he was curious about this bookshop, and felt somewhat badly that Aislinn couldn't browse its wares as he knew she liked to read. Getting his mind off of it for the moment, he asked, "When are they leaving?"

"We go not long after breakfast. That's where I'm heading now that Marleyna has Gracie."

Cullen allowed her to lead the way in that case, curious to see what he mind find in this practice of the Circle's.


	15. Sense of Purpose

_XV. Sense of Purpose_

Despite being a small village, Morsfeld was rather lovely. The cottages were decorated with climbing vines and the dirt pathways that led between them eventually turned into a newly paved cobblestone street, suggesting the village had gained wealth over the years following the Blight. It was easy to see that those streets were still being paved in places, but the men had done good work on them so far. Some people were passing on the roadsides, and one or two even waved at the two wagons in passing as if they may have spoken with the mages being transported in them before.

Aislinn rode in the back of one, Uwen in the back of the second, and aside from them, there were five mages and three apprentices traveling along with them. Two Templars drove the wagons while five more traveled with them aside including Cullen, and the mages chatted about differing things along the way while their wards watched and listened to everything going on around them. It was a bright, clear day, very pretty for riding, and despite the ground still being wet from the previous rains, traveling went smoothly because of it.

It took perhaps half an hour to reach the village, and the wagons came to a stop once it reached the Village Square where stands and vendors were settled around a large monument of a historical figure located at the very center. When Aislinn felt the wagon coming to a stop, she said to her particular group, "Don't forget to stay close." She moved to the back of the cart, allowing everyone else to pile out before she took the hand of a young, blonde haired mage who'd turned around to help her, and began to climb down with him. Once she was standing on the paved road, she thanked him with a smile, and then turned to walk around the side of the wagon.

"You're welcome, First Enchanter," the young man replied on the way. He seemed to have caught sight of something he wasn't sure of however judging by the uncertain look on his face, and he leaned in quietly, asking, "Are you certain it was a good idea to bring the new Commander along? You don't think he needs a little more time first?"

Aislinn looked over to see that he was looking at Cullen just across the way, not too far from Uwen's group, and she smiled over at the apprentice mage and replied, "It will be fine, Carson, don't worry." She saw Carson sighing uncertainly, knowing he was more used to Captain Dreyan, but he took her word for it and then moved on to look about the Square and the things being offered there.

Most of the vendors were regulars, but every now and again, there was a new one who seemed surprised to see mages of all things shopping at their particular stands. It wasn't always easy, but it was progress. Aislinn walked over to where Uwen was standing while this was going on and told him which of her group wanted to go where, and Uwen listened, saying that no one on his end had specifically asked to do anything, so it was fine to go ahead and allow them whatever they wanted first.

In hearing this, Aislinn turned to look over at Cullen who'd been watching the rest of the group, addressing him formally as she approached by saying, "Knight Commander, I have three mages who've requested to visit the bakery."

Cullen looked over when Aislinn had mentioned that, having been ignoring a small bit of jealousy he'd had in watching the young mage named Carson helping her from the back of the cart, as annoying as that had been. But he wasn't sure if he was annoyed because he'd wanted to help her himself, or if he was just annoyed at himself for feeling that way to begin with.

Deciding he didn't want to figure it out, he focused on what Aislinn had just asked of him, and in turn, he queried, "Where is the bakery?"

"Right over there behind you, the shop with the red awning over the door. Their sign was knocked off in a storm and they're still having it replaced." Aislinn then looked over to see the three who were requesting to go inside were already together waiting to hear the outcome, and she looked back at Cullen and added, "Would that be acceptable?"

Somehow it felt strange being so formal with him, but that was how the game had to be played here. Cullen looked from the three mages and back to her, asking, "Do you always ask Dreyan before you do this?," out of sheer curiosity alone.

"Yes, so he knows where we're going and when, and he assigns someone to wait just outside for them."

In learning this, Cullen took the knowledge in and then told her, "Very well," and he glanced over at one of his men, motioning to him.

Aislinn watched the Templar he'd called heading toward the three mages, who turned and began walking to the Bakery when they received their confirmation, and then she turned her attention on some of her other charges to see that they were bartering at a particular stand with one of the vendors. She listened carefully as the vendor was describing a particular item to them, and then looked to see that Uwen was watching his own charges.

As she did this, she thought she heard Cullen asking her something, and she looked back and up at him again and asked, "I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"

Seeing that she'd been intent in watching her students, he repeated himself for her. "It's fine. I was curious which of these was the bookstore you'd mentioned earlier."

Aislinn looked in the opposite direction of the Bakery and motioned to a store on the other side of the square. There was a sign by the door that was carved out of wood and said, 'Alvaris Books' with a picture of an open book above the words, and Aislinn told him, "That's it."

Just then, one of the mages called to Aislinn, and she looked to see that they were asking for her to come see something, so she said, "Excuse me," and walked over to them. From the sound of it, they'd found something Gracie might like, and Aislinn immediately became intrigued with the item.

While she was there, Uwen, who was still watching the mages that were speaking with two of the villagers across from those at the vendor, said to Cullen, "An older man named Alvaris runs the bookshop. He requested that Dreyan disallow us from going there."

"Did he say why?"

Uwen shook his head, "No, he simply doesn't care for mages from the sound of it however. Most in the village say he keeps to himself to begin with, and isn't very friendly with anyone except when serving his patrons." The Elven mage scoffed slightly and turned his bright orange eyes to Cullen, adding, "He's a typical businessman I suppose, driven by the want of more coin."

Cullen considered that, then asked, "Have any of the Templars ever gone into a shop with the mages?"

"No, mostly they just stand watch outside and wait. That's how Dreyan's always done it anyway."

Cullen didn't give a verbal response to that, looking over to see that the man he'd posted outside of the Bakery was still standing there watching and waiting, and it was just a moment later that the three mages emerged, one of them carrying a wrapped box which probably had some type of confection inside of it. Cullen felt it was a little strange to see mages doing things in this manner, acting like normal, everyday people, and part of it was unsettling, but another part of it seemed reassuring. They weren't causing any trouble, the people seemed to accept them - mostly - and they were doing as they were told and staying close to the others as well as to the Templars. In fact, one of the mages was conversing with a Templar just then as well.

Cullen almost felt the need to inform the man to keep to his duty, but when a sound caught the Knight's attention, he'd held up the a hand to tell the mage he'd been conversing with to wait, showing Cullen that his attention wasn't compromised at all. As soon as the Knight saw that everything was in order, he went back to idleness, replying to the mage from the looks of it.

The Templar that Cullen had assigned to watch the three in the Bakery walked back over with them, and Cullen decided he didn't feel quite so uneasy anymore. He relaxed just a little, wondering why this somehow felt right in a way that he couldn't explain, and briefly remembered his talk with Marleyna earlier. There was a reason for everything, and for now, he had faith that this was all going as it should. Yes, it could turn ugly if certain things were to happen, but that was why he was there with his men, that was a part of the duty he'd devoted himself to, and somehow, Cullen felt a sense of completion in it, instead of simply wandering the halls of the Circle all day long making sure the mages were just behaving themselves.

It surprised him. He'd never even realized he was missing that kind of completion until that very moment.

With the thoughts in mind, he glanced over and noticed Aislinn then, who was making a purchase at the vendor the other mages had called her to. He also realized in that moment that he'd never seen the woman outdoors before, not like this, and it immediately hit him that it was a shame that he hadn't. The sun made her hair glint a more orange color than auburn, somewhat like caramel, and in watching her walking back to his general area, he had to force himself to breath because of the way she was smiling over what she'd just purchased, looking completely excited about it.

Instead of heading over to him however, she went to Uwen and showed the mage what she'd just bought, which was a crystal figurine of a cat that she said Gracie was going to love. Uwen looked away from his students and at the cat long enough to chuckle and agree, and Cullen knew she hadn't wanted to distract him from his duties, so that was why she hadn't tried to bother him with what she felt was currently a mundane issue. Still, he wished she had deep inside, knew he wanted to be the one she came to whenever she was excited about something, no matter how mundane it was.

But Cullen reminded himself that his duty definitely wasn't to see the purchases of a mage at a square. Then something else came to mind when he had the thought. Thinking of Aislinn in such a manner, as being just a mage shopping in a square, just wasn't suiting. He couldn't do it, and he wouldn't. In fact, he decided right then and there that he had more of a duty than simply watching, and he was going to put that duty to good use. The part about protecting mages had more than one meaning after all, and he had just figured one of them out.

Looking over at Aislinn and Uwen, he said, "I'd like to speak with this man in the bookstore. First Enchanter, would you care to accompany me?"

Aislinn hadn't expected the sudden request, and she looked over at Cullen with a confused gaze and asked, "Why would you want to do that?"

Cullen took in a breath and said as plainly as he could, "I have something I need to ask him."

Aislinn couldn't fathom what in the world Cullen would have wanted to ask Alvaris about, but she was too curious to deny him any accompaniment. So she looked over and called to one of her mages. The young lady, who was the oldest mage there aside from Uwen and herself, walked over and Aislinn asked, "Take my place in watching the group. I'll return momentarily, and hold this for me please. Be careful, it's breakable."

"Yes, Messere," she nodded, taking the box carrying the glass figurine in it, and Aislinn looked over to see that Cullen had also gotten someone to take his place in watching. She waited while Cullen told the man something she couldn't hear, and then when he was heading in her direction and toward the bookshop, she turned to go with him.

Aislinn was burning with curiosity, but there was nothing she could detect coming from Cullen's expression or his gait that gave away anything he planned on doing. She wanted to ask, but by the time she'd decided she even could have, they were already at the door of the shop, which he opened and then held for her.

Neither of them knew that instead of browsing about, all of the mages had gathered to watch them entering the bookshop - including the Templars with them - and when the two disappeared inside of the place with the door shutting behind them, one of the mages said, "I'm placing bets on how long it takes for them to get kicked out!"

Uwen gave him a bland look, but suddenly let out a soft laugh after he thought about it.

Inside of the shop, Cullen stepped through the entryway and into the main room where several shelves filled with books of all types were located, and a counter toward the back of the store stood with even more lined up to one side, as well as on the wall behind it. That's where Alvaris stood. He was an older man with bushy eyebrows and bushy white hair on his head, giving Cullen an odd look at first. But as soon as he saw Aislinn emerging behind the Templar, those bushes over his eyes narrowed, and he motioned to Cullen and said, "I've already told your people I don't want her kind in here!" He then scoffed and added, "We don't even have any books on how to weave bloody magic!"

Cullen stepped toward the counter despite the older man's ire, looking at the book selections on the way, and his only response at first was, "I understand that," on a voice that was plain and casual.

"Then get her out of here. You're supposed to bloody control them, ain'tcha?"

Cullen decided against correcting the man in that instance because it wouldn't have mattered, and he ignored the question altogether. He was seeing a good selection in the store of books, including several on herbalism, the Chantry, and other tomes of literature that he himself had read before. Finally, he looked at Alvaris and said, "You have quite a wide selection in here."

"For what it's worth,"Alvaris replied uncertainly. Then he got suspicious, asking, "Why? One of those _witches_ trying to make up stories about how I have forbidden books in here? 'Cause it ain't bloody true!"

Cullen shook his head, saying, "No, nothing of the sort," as he stopped before the counter. "I'm the new Knight Commander of the Morsfeld Circle, my name is Cullen. I know you don't like allowing mages into your shop, and I was curious _why_ that was?"

Alvaris scoffed and retorted with, "Do you really have to ask? They're mages, nothing good come out of them being here in the village. The people here don't seem to realize what the Chantry might do if they find out mages are coming here like this."

Cullen briefly thought to ask the man what he thought the Chantry might do, but the more pressing question, which he asked, was, "Then you think that Templars are bringing the mages here weekly without Chantry knowledge?"

Alvaris eyed Cullen suspiciously in return, silent for a moment before asking, "You mean they're allowed to come here like this?" He scratched his bushy head of hair and then asked, "Why? It makes no sense."

Aislinn bit her tongue at that point. She wasn't standing too far behind Cullen, and she wanted to say _I suppose it makes more sense to lock people up just for being born_, but that wouldn't have helped matters here. Instead, she listened as Cullen told him, "They're allowed a day to shop for things they may need or want under our supervision. I can assure you, they're being closely watched."

The old man let a sigh out, shaking his head. "Sounds fishy if you ask me. I still don't want 'em in my store though!"

"If that is what you wish, but I do have a proposition for you."

Alvaris seemed to consider whether he wanted to listen or not, his gaze having gone to Aislinn, and finally he said, "Alright, what is it?"

Cullen refrained from introducing Aislinn as the First Enchanter because it might just make the man even more upset, not that Cullen figured Alvaris would understand the Circle's hierarchy, and he said, "I would ask that you allow this one mage to come to your shop if she feels the desire to browse your wares."

Alvaris glowered at him and snorted, "What do _I_ get out of it?"

Logically, Cullen informed him, "If she buys something, you'll get paid."

The old man sighed, muttering, "True, good point," before he looked between the two of them. After a moment of consideration, he said, "Alright, if this is actually not some kind of trick, I'll let her shop here, but only if _you're_ with her. Otherwise no deal."

"Very well," Cullen agreed.

"Knight Commander," Aislinn finally spoke. Cullen looked over at her when she did, and she went on, "I appreciate the gesture, however, I'm certain I can find another book dealer in the village who's more readily agreeable. I'd rather not give coin to one who thinks I'm just a..._witch_. I hear Lady Elda has a good selection."

"Lady Elda!," Alvaris asked as if incredulous. His attention was solely on Aislinn now as he informed her intensely, "She wouldn't know good taste in books if it hit her in the head! They're much better here!"

Aislinn looked back at the old man and lifted a brow at him in scrutiny. "You've never been receptive, and I appreciate you changing your mind now that you know we're not just sneaking out for a little fun, but I feel it would be less of a problem if I take my friends," then she added somewhat more pointedly, "_and_ our coin, and go elsewhere."

Alvaris looked as if he were getting twitchy. Aislinn thought it was somewhat funny how the mention of coin could change a person's outlook, and he lifted a hand and said, "I know I haven't been very receptive, but I thought you all were sneaking around like you said! How was I supposed to know you were actually allowed to come out here like this?"

"You could've asked," Aislinn suggested plainly, but she was highly amused now.

"Speaking of which, why didn't you report this if you thought they were sneaking around causing trouble?," Cullen asked Alvaris out of curiosity.

"Well," Alvaris replied, shrugging a shoulder, "I uh...heard a lot of people talking about how a mage from the circle helped them with this or that. I figured they were benefitting somehow, and as long as I wasn't being bothered, there wasn't a problem I couldn't overlook."

"In other words, if you'd reported it, the people here might've been angry enough with you that they'd no longer shop in your store," Aislinn pointed out logically.

"No!," Alvaris denied, shaking his head, but when he saw that the two he was speaking with didn't seem to believe him, he cleared his throat. "Maybe."

Aislinn pursed her lips and then she looked at Cullen and asked, "Well, what do you think, Commander?"

Cullen looked from her and over at Alvaris, saying, "I think the next time you suspect something's out of place, you should report it."

"Yes, Ser," Alvaris said with a nod of his head.

Getting his compliance, Cullen then waved a hand and asked, "So now that everything's cleared up, we have an accord that the mages may shop here if they see fit to?"

"Yes, as long as it's legitimate, it shouldn't be a problem," Alvaris replied.

They looked at Aislinn then, and because it really was up to her, Cullen asked her, "Is this in agreement?"

"Hmm," Aislinn thought, then she gave a nod and looked at Alvaris, saying, "Perhaps it's for the best. After all, I may be able to make a deal with the Circle's library over books that they have extra copies they need to rid themselves of which you could sell. Or they may wish to purchase some you have that they don't. It could be a good business deal."

Apparently, the man hadn't thought of that. His face got an expression as if it were crawling with ideas, and he asked, "Do you know their Librarians?"

"I do," Aislinn confirmed. "I can pass your name along, if you'd like, and come back next week to give you their response."

"Oh, in that case, just wait a moment," Alvaris said much more eagerly than he'd spoken anything to them thus far, "I have a whole list of things I've been looking for."

The man leaned down beneath his counter to find the list, and Cullen noticed that Aislinn was biting her lip as if trying not to smile. He himself thought this was amusing, and while he wasn't certain getting the man to let the mages come here if they wished to just because of the promise of more coin was completely the right thing to do, he got the feeling that it was a start.

Alvaris then stood back up and held a list out in his hand that had been rolled up. "Give this to your Librarians. If they have them in stock, trades or coin can be arranged."

Aislinn maintained her mildly interested attitude and reached out to take the note while saying, "Very well. Sounds like a deal."

Outside, the mages were still waiting, and Carson asked, "What's taking them so long?"

No sooner than he'd asked the question, the door opened and Aislinn stepped back outside, Cullen not too far behind her, and they both briefly stopped when they saw the group that was watching and waiting for them.

"What?," Aislinn asked, restarting her steps toward them.

Once she was close enough, Uwen asked, "What was going on in there?"

"Well, the Knight Commander cleared up some confusion with Alvaris, and the mages are now allowed to shop there if we wish to. He's also interested in setting up a deal with our Library in trading and buying books."

Most of the mages looked stunned. Aislinn grinned over the expressions, noticing that Cullen was simply walking back to the area in which he'd been standing before, and one of the mages looked over at him and asked, "Knight Commander, why is he suddenly letting us inside?"

Cullen, unused to such an easily asked question from a mage for the most part, looked back at the young man and said, "He uh...thought you were sneaking out of the Circle and would cause trouble for the Village eventually."

"_With_ Templars?," the young man asked, and then chuckled. "That's a laugh." Then he looked at Aislinn and asked, "So can we request to visit there now?"

Aislinn thought about that, looking at Uwen in question. "It's starting to get a little late at the moment, isn't it?"

Uwen looked up as if judging the time by the sun's position in the sky, and then looked over to Cullen and asked, "I'll let you decide. We usually pack up at about this time, but if you think it's reasonable, then I have no arguments."

Cullen looked from Uwen and then at the rest of the mages, seeing that two of them looked interested enough. So he decided with the words, "Very well. I'll allow two of you to go for now."

He allowed them to figure out who would go in, and while they sent two of the mages into the store for a few minutes, the rest began to load back into the wagons. Aislinn was trying her best not to smile like a fool, but she was surprised by this turn of events, and highly pleased, making it hard not to. Despite the fact that Alvaris was only a money grubber, it was nice to have the option to go to his store, which had choices their Library didn't, and she was eager for the next week to come when she could see what new editions she might actually be able to add to the Circle's Library because of this event.

During these thoughts, they heard a yell coming out of one of the vendors standing in the Square and a crash of metal, looking over at the weapon smith which most of the mages knew well. Apparently, he'd cut his arm when a small stand of blades had fallen over, and he was cussing up a storm, which Aislinn couldn't blame him for when she saw the blood everywhere.

His assistant was helping him, and the black haired man looked over at the wagons where the mages were and called over, "Would one of you be able to take care of this before you go? It's pretty bad."

Aislinn gave a reply to the man of, "Certainly," and she looked at the apprentice standing next to her who'd been studying healing magics, instructing her, "Come on, Trista, this will be good experience for you." She then began walking over to the weapons stand, noticing that the two mages who'd gone into Alvaris's bookshop were coming outside now, heading back to the area, and she got their attention as well.

With their attention, she let Trista heal the man of his injury with her aide, and the weapon smith, whose name was Degan, laughed once the injury was taken care of, saying, "That'll teach me to stack such heavy swords on that rack again. How much do I owe you ladies?"

"Nothing," Aislinn returned. "We're happy with simple gratitude."

"Well, can't say I didn't offer I guess, but I'm very grateful." He looked over at the wagons then and said to Aislinn, but loudly enough that the rest could hear, "I think your Templars need to let one of you healers just live in the Village. I cut myself enough shaving alone that they'd make a fortune if they charged me," and laughed boisterously.

Aislinn chuckled softly over comment and gave him a bow of her head before bidding him goodbye, turning with the three students to head back to the carts where they got in the back, and were on their way a few minutes later. As they rode along, the chatter among the mages was all surrounding the events in the Square, and most of the mages seemed pleased that they had a new shop to visit every week if they wished to.

Aislinn's spirits were still high. It wasn't some huge accomplishment, but it was telling. Cullen was the one who'd gotten the ball rolling in that respect, and considering the kind of man he was, it made Aislinn optimistic for the future. So when she got a chance to speak with him alone, she was going to have quite a few things to say to him.

She wondered if she were more anxious to tell him these things or to see his reactions to them however.

_Two Days Later_

It was during the afternoon when Cullen found himself outside walking with Marleyna, who'd been making her way along on a little walk and asked him to join her for it when they ran into one another in the hallways. She'd said that Honnely used to take walks with her, but ever since his accident, he hadn't quite been able to keep up. So Cullen agreed and went with her. The sun was out and shining brightly down on them in the afternoon hours, making it a good day to walk anyway. It was just apparent to Cullen that the Revered Mother had a great respect for nature and the things in it, and it was nice to see someone who appreciated it in such a way.

Marleyna took a path that would eventually lead them to the pond in the back of the manor. In the distant sky were slightly darkened clouds, promising a storm heading toward them, and it seemed to be promising something more than rain, potentially snow.

As they walked, they were speaking of things idle things at first, having passed mages and Templars in the courtyard before finding themselves essentially alone and heading to the bridge. It was there that Marleyna made the comment, "I heard about your trip to Morsfeld and what you did for the mages there, and what the Circle managed to get out of it. Why didn't you tell me when you came for your supply two days ago?"

"I apologize, Revered Mother," Cullen told her in earnest, "I didn't mention it because I didn't think I did anything worth mentioning. I simply cleared up a little confusion with one of the shopkeepers there who was more than willing to change his mind when coin was mentioned. Nothing more."

"But it's more than you know," Marleyna told him with a smile. "It may not have been for a pure reason that the owner changed his mind, but keeping business up is good, and helps the Kingdom to continue forth." Then she smiled and told him almost conspiratorially, "And the mages are all chatting over it," followed by teasingly shaking her head while making a _tsk tsk tsk_ sound.

Cullen hadn't heard this in specific, unsure how to take Marleyna's teasing over it either. Curiously, he glanced at her and asked, "What are they saying?"

Marleyna knew that Cullen didn't spend much time with the mages, so she informed him happily, "They're eager to see what else you may end up doing. Now before you misinterpret that, I don't think they're saying it because they expect you to reign in some new era for them, but simply enough, that you've gotten their notice."

"I see," Cullen said, looking ahead and out at the currently unpopulated landscape surrounding them, drawing nearer to the stone bridge built over the pond. He didn't notice the Revered Mother looking up at him while he was in thought.

"Deep thoughts?," she asked him.

Cullen looked over and down at her. "Perhaps."

"Care to share with an old woman?"

He couldn't help but smile over how she said that. Deciding that he was starting to understand just a bit more of her humor, he asked, "Why? Do you see any old women around for me to share with? I don't."

"Oh ho ho," Marleyna started, laughing over the joke, the sound genuine and agreeable. It was somehow hard not to get along with her, and Cullen could see himself becoming very fond of her as time went on. Grinning over her laughter, he listened as she said, "Oh my, perhaps I need a new mirror." They were heading up the incline of the bridge just then where Marleyna stopped at the top, in the center. Turning, she leaned on her arms against the side of the structure with her fingers laced into a fist.

Once she had, she glanced over at Cullen and asked, "Do I _really_ need to tell you just how old I am, my boy? Perhaps enough to be your mother twice over, I'd wager."

"I doubt you're _that_ old," Cullen replied, stepping over near the side of the bridge and stopping near her, standing with his back straight and his arms crossed behind himself. After a silent moment, he finally gave her an answer to her original question. "I was simply considering my place here again. I won't lie about the way I've always looked at mages ever since I was given a taste of," he paused before continuing, "_maleficarum_." The word came out on a bitter tone, and Cullen sighed out a breath. "Waking at night because of horrible dreams of the things I'd witnessed, and all due to magic laid in the wrong hands."

Marleyna listened carefully, then looked out at the mountains in the distance, asking him, "So it's magic laid in the wrong hands instead of mages, is it?"

He seemed to think about that before he answered, turning his eyes to her face and saying, "I blamed mages for a long time. If their kind never existed, this world would be one step closer to peace. But then, I'd think, there are mages such as," he paused, not sure he wanted to say her name, but he went ahead and did so, "Lady Aislinn, who'd eagerly offer help to someone in need without much question involved. She was trapped in that Tower too for nearly an entire night, helped me, and she never once strayed."

Marleyna was nodding by the time he'd finished, and she looked down at the waters of the pond, seeing the reflection of a flock of birds flying overhead in it. Watching it for a moment, she said, "Aislinn is one of a kind. I knew that a good time ago now. She, like other mages, faces adversity everyday, but she still has love enough left in her to give to that of a child. She's a good sort, and it's her kind that makes me want to keep trying, regardless of what I may sometimes doubt." With a soft sigh, Marleyna added in question, "Might I tell you something I've never shared with another soul?"

Cullen's expression became serious when Marleyna offered this, and he couldn't help but reply by saying, "If it pleases you."

She didn't hesitate much, telling Cullen, "It may sound strange, coming from a Revered Mother, for me to say this, but she's almost like the daughter I never had." Once spoken, Marleyna chuckled and added, "No, she doesn't give worship, yes, she's a mage, and there is bitterness in her toward the Chantry and its teachings." She paused for a moment, then finished, "But even though she lacks faith, I think she honestly only deems _herself_ unworthy, not specifically the Chantry, and I can't look at her any differently than I do. I worry for her, however."

Cullen somehow felt as if this was high praise to receive from Marleyna, but her last line caught his attention, and he wound up asking, "Why do you worry?"

"Because of her bitterness, and her resentment," Marleyna explained. "She's strong, but she needs something she can look forward to, which I think that doing without may cause her to eventually crumble. I've seen too many mages do the same things because they didn't have much to look forward to. Just a long life caged in a Circle with no where else to go. She has Gracie, but I sometimes wonder if that's enough."

Cullen had to consider that Marleyna knew Aislinn better than he did. After all, she'd spent more time with the First Enchanter, and what she'd just told him made sense. Cullen watched her as she seemed to go off in thought of her own, and slowly turned his gaze then toward the manor in the distance, briefly wondering what Aislinn might've been up to just then.

"Revered Mother, might I ask you something that might sound a bit personal?"

"I welcome you to speak your mind, child," Marleyna said, looking over from where she was leaning and enjoying the scenery of the landscapes around them. "So please do."

Glancing back from the manor at to the Holy woman standing before him now, Cullen said, "Most of the clergy does not look at mages in the way that you do. Why are you so accepting of them?"

Marleyna gave him a look that said she knew why he'd asked that, and she turned away from the side of the bridge with one arm still leaning against the top of it, taking a moment to consider her answer before she gave it. "I could tell you that my sister is a mage, but I fear that would only make me seem somehow biased. Her name was Morrella, she was my twin, and that could make it seem as if I'd only thought that I could have been in her shoes easily with no other reason for my acceptance."

Marleyna didn't continue at first, seemed to go into thought, but soon enough she told him, "We were eleven when she realized she had a gift, one that I watched accidentally set her hair on fire," she chuckled. "Both of us had been in the service of a Monastery, studying, desiring to become Sisters in the Chantry when we grew up, but with that one mistake, her path changed from mine completely and likely forever. Mages aren't allowed to join the Clergy, or do much of anything else as I'm certain you know. I accepted this, and so did she. We write to each other often, and she's doing well where she is in Orlais the last I heard from her.

"So perhaps someone could argue that I _am_ biased," Marleyna continued. "Others may argue that I'm well informed," she added with a tilt of her head as if it may or may not be true. "But I simply think that though my sister's path may have changed from mine, she herself did not. She's still the person I've always loved, even if she can summon a fire out of no where, or freeze water with a wave of her hand. Still, because of this, I'd spent most of my life staying out of any affairs regarding Circles and mages, fearing my points would be seen as nothing more than those of sentimentality."

It made sense, Cullen thought. So he then asked, "Then why did you decide to do," he waved a hand around them, "_this_?"

Marleyna's smile was bright and genuine. "Aislinn."

"Aislinn?"

"Yes. She made a good point to me when we were in Branson. She told me that, while the Chantry is not political in nature, my views were needed, regardless of whether or not _some_ saw it as sentimentality, because _others_ would take it for mere honesty who had the same view points but, like me, had decided to keep peace by staying silent, which I've realized is not the right way to handle things. Aislinn was right. The Sisters and the Mothers here all feel the same about the mages as I do, that we are dealing with people just like you and I, and some of them don't have any family with magical ability at all. So here is where I came. Now, with what happened in Kirkwall, I'm glad I did."

Marleyna watched as Cullen grew silent, taking those thoughts in. He had much to consider, and he said, "It's strange."

"What's that?"

Shaking his head, he looked at her again and said, "In Morsfeld, I felt a real sense of purpose with the mages. A sense of completion, as if I hadn't noticed before but for so long, my duty felt empty. Though I don't feel it was any sort of accomplishment, I felt good in clearing up the confusion with the bookshop owner."

The story had Marleyna smiling at him. Eventually, she replied, "It's funny how we overlook such little things, and don't realize just how much we're missing them until something comes along and reminds us."

"Yes," he agreed, considering it all. With a soft sigh, he said, "I'm still not completely fond of mages, but I can see where I need to reevaluate."

Marleyna's look became more confident as she told him, "We all do, child. Many Templars have rebelled against the Chantry, fighting is going on between them and mages everywhere after what happened in Kirkwall, Circles have fallen in places, and the Chantry is standing on the edge of a knife. We all have a position we need to make sure we understand thoroughly before we can hope to do anything right for the future. So, as long as you're reevaluating things, you know you're on the right track."

"Thank you," he told her, able to see that Marleyna wanted to mend things peacefully, and he could stand behind that. If it took reevaluating his stances, then he would do so.

While he thought about it, he heard Marleyna informing him as if to change the subject completely, "I've decided I need to show you something as well, Ser Cullen, and it may not be easy for you to accept." She stepped away from the side of the bridge where she'd been leaning and turned to face him with her hands folded together across her stomach. "I extend an invitation for you to come by my study in the Chantry this evening so we can discuss it."

Cullen thought about her words for a moment and shook his head, asking, "What is it about?"

Marleyna looked down and took in a breath before saying, "That is something that needs to be discussed in private, but I feel you are wise enough to see the importance behind it once you are shown what it is. You'll need to bring one of the Senior Mages with you when you do come, preferably Aislinn as she knows the most about it. In regards to what it's about, I'll simply say it's about reevaluation, and the fact that even the Templars have a right to be angry with us."

Cullen couldn't help but to stare at her somewhat uncertainly, after all, it wasn't everyday a Revered Mother said something like that. While he wasn't sure what it meant, however, he couldn't just say _no_. If she had faith in him, and the matter sounded important anyway, then he could return that faith, so he agreed. "Very well. Is there any specific time?"

Marleyna went to move past him once she had his agreement, saying on the way, "I'll be in my study for the rest of the day more than likely. Just fetch Aislinn, or another Senior Mage, and come when you can make it there."

Cullen watched her going, heading back down the bridge, and he replied, "Yes, Revered Mother." From her, he looked back at the manor quietly, deciding he might want to do so sooner rather than later. The Templars had a reason to be angry? He could only wonder what this was all about.


	16. Longing

_XVI. Longing_

Cullen knocked on the door to Aislinn's study after going back inside of the manor from his walk with Marleyna and waited for a response. There was a short moment of silence, but it was Aislinn's voice that told him to enter, and he took in his breath and did so, stepping inside and shutting the door behind himself. He looked over to see that she was settled behind her desk with a book in her hands which she'd looked up from and over at him, giving him a welcoming smile when she saw him.

Aislinn put a place mark in her book, then shut it and settled it down while saying, "Hello, Cullen."

"Aislinn," he returned courteously, then asked, "are you busy?"

"No," she shook her head at him. "Just reading a few things. I've actually been hoping to have a word with you."

She'd stood from behind her desk and stepped out when she'd told him that, heading around it as he'd come to a stop near the center of the chamber. He watched her as she got about three feet from him in her the medium purple robe she was wearing, the edges embroidered with a pattern threaded in gold around the billowing sleeves and the v-cut neckline - _Oh Maker, does it have to be so form fitting?_ - asking her when she'd stopped, "You did?"

"Yes, I did. About the other day in the village."

The bookshop, he thought, then shook his head at her, "You don't need to–," and he stopped because she'd waved her hand and interrupted him before he could say more.

"Wait, I know," she started, "it wasn't a huge feat or anything to celebrate." Looking up from the floor, and casting her steel colored gaze at him which he'd noticed was a much lighter color, almost like ice whenever she was in the sunlight like she had been in Morsfeld, but now were closer tot he color of a blade, she went on, "But it was something we didn't have, and it even ended up helping the Circle. So I _do_ need to thank you for it, no matter how small a task it actually was."

"I uh..you...I mean...well, you did most of the work," he stuttered while she just smiled at him warmly, making his throat go dry at the sight, so he cleared it and looked away from her face in order to collect his thoughts better. "I simply got the confusion cleared up."

When she was silent after he'd spoken, Cullen finally let himself look back at her to see that she was still smiling at him. When his green eyes had met hers again finally, she shook her head at him while saying, "You're the single most humble person I've ever met, did you know that?"

"Well I...," he started, trying to get his thoughts straight, "just don't think it was...quite that large a feat," then he waved a hand and added, "and I only did it for you." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he seemed to realize that they were _wrong_. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Quickly, he rushed out, "I mean, so you could shop in the bookstore, you know, like you'd said you wanted to. I thought you might enjoy that."

_Maker, when will it ever stop!_ Cullen was just going to give up on ever having a casual conversation that was clearly understandable with this woman altogether. Unless they were dealing with business or extreme situations, he just couldn't handle it apparently.

Aislinn felt her cheeks heating up a little at his mention of doing it for her, unable to really help that because it was a sweet gesture, and despite the situation she told him so, "You're making me blush, you know?"

Cullen's lips were parted as if he wanted to speak but couldn't get out the words. He was making _her_ blush? Why did that cause his brain to come to a sudden stop? This was driving him absolutely crazy. How did he respond to that?

Finally, pushing the chaotic thoughts from his head, he shook it and said to her, "It's not that I meant anything by it," _liar_, "I just wanted to help, do things right."

"I know," Aislinn spoke plainly enough, simply watching him as he tried to pull his thoughts together, and finally, when their eyes met again, everything seemed to go still for the both of them. Cullen forgot all about his embarrassment for a few blissful moments, and Aislinn's smile faded from her lips just a bit. They became locked that way, and somehow, the world just ceased to be for them both.

Cullen felt an ache he was all too familiar with radiating out from his chest and into the rest of his body at the sight of her face, but right now, with her cheeks a rosy pink hue as she looked up at him so intently, that feeling was a million times stronger than he'd ever felt it before. He was so close to her. The urge to reach out to pull her in as close as he could get her, kiss her like he'd dreamt about so often now, and finally run his fingers through her long, wavy hair was nearly overwhelming. If this moment lasted forever, he wouldn't have cared, because it would mean he'd never have to walk away from her, nor face the potential consequences of getting closer to her, and that was where he realized he was proverbially stuck altogether.

It was starting to grow too painful for him to continue to bare. He needed absolution in this, and was starting to fear that would never come.

Aislinn couldn't look away because she was realizing that her feelings had definitely began to run much deeper for this man than she'd thought when he looked at her just then. A similar ache to the one he was feeling that she was unaware of blossomed in her over the thought of stepping in closer, which she had the real urge to do, even lifted her foot from the ground just a breath, but managed to stay it before she acted too soon and did something she'd regret. Knowing how she felt was enough for now, and it was impossible not to be able to tell when looking at him that she loved him. He'd been kind to her when he didn't have to be, even when it was more of a burden to him to be than not to be, and he'd gone out of his way to make her just a little happier.

Aislinn, being the mage that she was, _couldn't_ take something like that lightly. It didn't matter if he didn't like other mages, maybe even hated them for the things that had happened to him. Somehow she could tell, no matter what his true feelings were, that he didn't look at her in the same way, and that was what made the difference.

The moment finally came to an end however when Cullen looked away, forcing himself to get a hold on his feelings as he told her on a soft voice, "I-I forgot to...tell you...why I came here."

"Oh, yes," Aislinn replied, snapping herself out of her own brief daze. She reached up to scratch her head idly and asked him, "What did you need?"

"I need you to come with me to...see Revered Mother Marleyna...about a...uh...," his brows furrowed in thought and his expression became less befuddled than before. "She didn't say actually." The realization seemed to knock most of his awkwardness away from the moment, and he added, "She simply told me to fetch you so we could have a serious talk. Something about the Templars having...a right to be angry."

"Oh, I see," Aislinn replied quietly, thinking she knew exactly what this was all about. _So Marleyna's finally decided to show him what we know?_ She was glad for that. It meant she trusted Cullen, and it would give Cullen a chance to make things better for himself if he wanted it. Offering another smile up to him, she said, "Then we shouldn't keep her waiting."

"No, we shouldn't," he agreed, clearing his throat and straightening his posture a bit. "Ah...whenever you're ready to go, we can go." He looked ready to turn, but then he stopped himself and gave her a curious look, saying, "Wait." Holding up a hand and motioning it at her, he asked, "What do you know about this? She said you understood it best."

Aislinn's brows raised up over her eyes when he asked, her lips parting as she tried to think of what to say to placate him for the moment. "Uh, well...it's a little complicated, and I'll let her explain most of it to you, but..."

Cullen waited for her to go on, and when she didn't, he said, "If you're trying to soften some kind of blow, then don't worry that I can't handle it."

"No, it's not that, Cullen, it's just hard for me to say these kinds of things. I mean from mage to Templar. It's still not always easy for me. I don't know how you might react if I told you _everything_ before she had a chance to explain it thoroughly. We've had a few blow up over this before."

"I would _never_ blow up at you. You can trust me," he started, watching her quietly before he asked her, "you know that, don't you?"

"I know that," she confirmed with a nod, then attempted a little humor by putting a half smile on her lips and saying, "I mean I trust Dreyan and Honnely, so...you should be easy right?"

Cullen looked down and to the side, thinking a bit before he informed her meaningfully, "You can trust me more," finally turning his green eyes back to her face, adding seriously, "I promise you."

Something about the way he'd said that made her heart skip a beat it felt like, and she almost got lost in watching him a second time. Aching had started in her chest again for him, so she forced herself to look down and try to forget about it for the moment, telling him more about what he'd asked her, "Well, I can tell you that the Chantry hasn't been completely honest with the Templars. There's proof of this."

She looked back up quickly to see his reaction, and the look on his face expressed his uncertainty over her statement. "What have they not been honest about?"

"Uh...a few things, which Marleyna could explain in much better detail than I." Aislinn shrugged a shoulder and tried to think of an example that wasn't too shocking, but decided against that and simply told him, "They're things that not all of the Clergy knew about, and still doesn't."

Cullen's brows had furrowed as he considered this. Aislinn said there was proof of it, so he asked, "Have you seen this proof?"

"I...uh...," Aislinn would've continued, but the thought of the proof and how she'd acquired it made her a little antsy that he might ask for specifics, so she told him, "Cullen, don't put me on the spot here. Let's just wait to speak to Marleyna."

Cullen couldn't help but notice how she'd reacted, and it threw his senses off a bit. "Why?," he asked, and she couldn't help but notice that he sounded much more suspicious than before.

So she returned quickly, "Because I'm the one who found it at the Chantry in Denerim. Letters being sent to the Grand Cathedral in Orlais, and one _from_ there."

Cullen watched her as she sighed and looked down. Something was bothering her about this, and he wanted to know what it was, unsure if he could wait to see Marleyna before he learned at least some of the truth here and now. She'd found letters in the Chantry in Denerim she said, so he asked, "When was this?"

"Not long after the Battle of Denerim ended, when everything was deserted. I'd gone into the Chantry late one evening and had a look around. Most of it was still in tact, and I came across some unsent letters in a drawer in the Grand Cleric's study which I sat down to read through. The things in it seemed suspicious, so I took them with me."

"This was long before you met Marleyna, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Then you kept them? Why?"

"I don't know," she sighed, shrugging her shoulders, finally looking up at him. "I guess I felt if I left them there that nothing would ever be said or done. If I had them, maybe I'd have a chance to show them to someone who'd know more about what they meant. It just sounded too suspicious for me to leave them behind."

He supposed that made sense if the things in the letters really were incriminating. It would take the right person who was trustworthy to show them to, and likely, Aislinn didn't know anyone she was certain she could trust with it, especially not anyone in the Chantry being a mage like she was. But still, something bothered him about how she'd hesitated in telling him this, and he had to point it out.

"I can understand that, if they seemed important, you needed to find someone you could trust to present them to, but...," he took a breath, "why didn't you just tell me how you found them to begin with?"

Aislinn looked away from him as if she might've been uncertain still, and Cullen found himself putting a hand on her shoulder before he could think better of it. Too late now though, if he pulled it away, she might think he was embarrassed about something, so he simply left it there and asked, "What's wrong?"

Aislinn wanted to pull his arm away from her shoulder because she felt her next line might make him wish he'd never asked her to trust him, but she was honest and said, "I was afraid you'd ask me why I went to a deserted Chantry late at night, and now since I know you'll ask anyway," she paused and admitted, "I was...looking for my Phylactery. Irving said they'd been sent there, and I wanted to destroy it."

Aislinn couldn't look at him. She knew what she'd just said was a cause for distrust between mages and Templars, maybe one of the biggest ones, but she forced herself to look at him finally, her steel eyes slowly rising to meet his face. When she couldn't judge a reaction from him however, she said, "I know how that sounds," then she sighed out a breath, "but I was so angry at the time."

Cullen honestly couldn't believe his ears. He refused to believe she wanted to destroy her phylactery because of blood magic or some other related issue, couldn't begin to even fathom such a thing, so he asked her, "Why?"

"I felt trapped," she told him plainly, and he could see she was being honest because there were tears starting to form in her eyes which she stubbornly blinked back. "Everything felt...endless and pointless...I didn't want to go back to the Tower. The night you shoved me out that secret door to get help was the first time I'd been outside of the Tower in years, Cullen, even to step on the grounds just outside. It was so overwhelming that I tripped over my own two feet when I saw it, and when we were sent to Denerim, the whole time I fought, I kept asking myself what I was really fighting for, just a world for _other_, _normal_ people to live in? I kept wondering why I didn't just let one of the Darkspawn gut me like they seemed so fond of doing."

She cleared her throat and turned to walk away a few steps, unable to stand there and look at him when the expression in his eyes was so touching, saying once her back was turned to him, "I didn't want to die though, and I didn't want to be kept. I went to the Chantry that night to find it and maybe live for a while as an apostate because I felt that even if I was hunted down and killed later, maybe I would at least die a free woman. I know how dramatic that sounds, but I...," she folded her lips inward to stop a flood of emotion from overwhelming her, then shook her head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that I found something that needed to be told instead."

Though Cullen had struggled with his emotions for Aislinn before, he'd never felt a battle as harsh as he did in those few moments when she told him this. Now he could see for certain what Marleyna meant when she said she worried about Aislinn. She was strong, but even she had her breaking points like any other normal person, and she'd been pushed to them. She hadn't turned to blood magic however, she'd just wanted to live like a normal human, even if it meant being hunted down to be killed later, because she'd die free at least.

Cullen wanted to do so many things in those moments while she stood there with her back facing him - hug her, kiss her, tell her whatever she needed to hear. But instead, he heard himself asking, "Did you find it?"

"No," she replied, finally looking back and over her shoulder at him. Her eyes were red, but her cheeks were dry, and she added, "I went back to the Tower. The letters, I suppose, gave me something else to look forward to."

"Aislinn...," Cullen started, then he stopped himself. This was one of the hardest moments he'd ever had to deal with. He didn't know what he should say or do, didn't know what might have been expected of him, or even if anything was.

So finally, he just said, "I'm sorry."

She seemed a little surprised, a brow lowering slowly, asking him, "You're not upset about it?"

Cullen knew why she would ask that, and he looked down as she watched him, then shook his head slowly. "I have no reason to be. I trust you." He nodded as if he'd convinced himself, and then looked back up at her. "You've never given me a reason to doubt you. I understand how you must have felt back then. But...," he trailed off, then asked, "How do you feel now?"

She was quiet at first, slowly turning around to face him again. Once she had, she shrugged her shoulders slightly, taking a breath before saying, "I feel better than I did back then. I feel like I have a purpose for something."

"Good...that's...," he paused, "good." Deciding he'd already done enough wrong that day concerning her in specific, he went ahead and told her, "I'm glad you found that. Besides, I think Gracie needs you. I don't leading a life on the run would suit you anyway."

That finally got Aislinn to smile a slow smile, and before he knew it, hell, before even Aislinn knew it, she'd walked over to him and put her arms around him in a hug. She didn't care how he might look at it. Besides, she wasn't as reserved as he, so he would just have to settle. She needed to hug him and she was going to regardless.

As soon as she'd done so, Cullen had lifted his hands as if to stop her, growing still and as tense as he'd ever been before. Looking down at the top of her head while she'd pressed her cheek to the plate covering his chest however, he couldn't stop himself from finally letting his arms lower until his hands were against her back, thinking he was seeing a dream coming to life. While she wasn't looking, he relaxed, let his emotions show, and they were pained, but at the same time, relieved somehow. His arms slowly encircled her, his head tilting forward far enough that he caught a light scent of her hair which was floral in nature, and the only thing he could think at all was _I love you so much_.

He didn't know how they'd gotten like this, and he didn't care. He closed his eyes and held her there, wishing more than anything that this would last for the rest of his life, holding her tightly to him, learning just how small she actually was for once, and she did feel small against him. But she was warm and inviting, and he heard a little sniffle coming out of her, opening his eyes again when the sound hit his ears before saying softly, "Don't cry," just before stopping himself from using the endearment 'love' as if it were the most natural thing in the world to him.

"Sorry," she whispered back. "I've never told anyone that, just Marleyna. I...didn't really realize...just how much it bothered me."

Aislinn didn't want to move at all. She hadn't quite expected it, but when he'd finally hugged her in return, put his arms around her, she felt...safe. She didn't want that to end because she hadn't always felt safe, and she wound up crying because she knew it would. On top of her other roiling emotions in those few moments, she couldn't help but shed a few tears.

As she had the thought, she heard him saying, "I'm glad you did," to her comment of telling him what she had, and a little smile creased her lips.

"I'm glad I did too. I really did feel guilty about it."

She doubted he even noticed it, but he'd started rubbing her back in a slow up and down motion, and it had her smiling even more for just a few moments before she let her lips part with silent breath and closed her eyes. The things passing between them were yet unspoken, but they were easy enough to be heard. Aislinn just hoped that one day she could actually say them to him.

But for now, she forced herself to step back, as hard as that was. As she did, she stood up straight and wiped her cheeks, no longer crying though she knew her eyes were going to be puffy for a bit after that. "Sorry, Cullen," she shook her head, looking up at him, acting as casually as she could muster. "I guess I'm just being more emotional than usual."

Seeing her acting as casually as she was made Cullen feel a good bit of disappointment, but he followed suit because he knew it was the best thing to do, saying, "It's perfectly fine, don't apologize. We all have these things happen from time to time."

Aislinn offered him a warm smile and a nod, getting on from that vulnerable moment by asking, "I guess I look terrible now, don't I? Red eyes?"

Cullen didn't think she'd ever look terrible, and he shook his head at her, "Not too badly, no. You look well enough." _Well enough_, he thought to himself with an inner scoff, _I suppose that will have to do_.

Aislinn decided to take his word for it, inhaling a deep breath slowly after her emotional episode just then, and she looked at the door and motioned to it. "I guess we should go speak with Marleyna now, then?"

"Yes," he replied, his countenance solemn, but not sad. Instead, he looked contemplative, and he told her, "She said she'd be in her study."

Aislinn didn't say anything, just gave an understanding nod and turned to head to the door, and on the way there, a knock rang out. Giving Cullen a strange look that said she wasn't expecting anyone, she continued toward it and opened the door. Uwen was standing on the other side, and when he saw her, he looked surprised, as if he hadn't expected her to actually answer it.

"Oh, were you leaving?"

"Uh, yes, but I have a little time. What did you need?"

Uwen gave a nod of his head in understanding and said, "In that case, I'll get to the point." He then saw Cullen and added, "Oh, you'll need to hear this too, Commander. There's a group of Templars here, looking for you."

"For me?," Cullen asked in some slight confusion. "Who?"

"They're from Kirkwall," Uwen started, and looked to his side as one of them stepped into view.

Cullen recognized the man immediately, and he asked, "Ashmon? What are you doing here?"

"Ser," Ashmon greeted, giving him a formal bow of his head. Then he looked back at him and said, "It's good to see you again, though I wish it wasn't like this."

"Why? What's happened, Ashmon?"

With a sigh, the young red haired Templar told him, "There's a lot to tell, but the Knight Commander in Kirkwall sent us out not long after you left to track a blood mage and a renegade Templar. We lost the trail on the Templar however and decided to continue pursuit of the blood mage, but now we've found a whole blighted group of them, and traced them here, to this area. We think they're staying in the forests somewhere about, and needed to request a group of men who know the area well enough to navigate more quickly, not to mention, if there's as many as Garic thinks, we may need the reinforcements."

"I see," Cullen replied, asking him after a moment, "how many men do you have with you?"

"Three, Ser. We weren't expecting to find more than one blood mage and, at first, the renegade Templar with him. Garic thinks there may be five or maybe six in total now though judging from the tracks he found."

"Six?," Cullen asked, considering the odds of six blood mages against three Templars. It wasn't impossible odds completely, but Cullen knew better than to second guess. Not to mention he knew that Ashmon was young and not quite as experienced, though he _was_ capable, and Garic was an accomplished tracker, so the man was probably right.

When Ashmon nodded in return to Cullen's question, Cullen asked, "Is the original mage from the Gallows?"

"Yes, the Elf named Curasir."

"I remember him," Cullen said aloud, but decided not to say that he'd never liked that mage much since it wasn't important. Instead, he only said, "He was _from_ here, so that _will_ make him harder to track."

Aislinn and Uwen listened to this, and it was Uwen who told Cullen, "I've heard Honnely mentioning that the Lieutenant named Alec is an extremely accomplished tracker. It may be wise to send him as one of you options to help."

"I remember him saying that too," Aislinn vouched. When she had, they both looked at Cullen.

Ashmon seemed surprised that mages were so eager to offer a hand, something Cullen could understand, but was starting to get used to. "Thank you," he told Aislinn and Uwen, then said, "I think it might be best if I take Alec and another and travel with them myself."

Aislinn narrowed a brow and asked, "Are you certain?"

"Yes, Curasir never was...agreeable," he put mildly, his voice alluding to the way he felt toward the mage. "I've dealt with him before when he ran away from the Gallows once and I know his habits, so that will make this easier." He went to the door and stepped out, glad he'd memorized where his men were located so he could find them easily, and once he was in the hallway, he told Ashmon, "Go back to your men and wait. We'll be right out."

"Yes, Ser," Ashmon nodded before turning to move away as he'd been told to.

Once he had, Cullen looked back over at the mages when Uwen suggested, "It could take several days to track a group that large. I trust in your judgement here, but don't forget there's a storm coming, and it looks to be bad, you should expect it by evening. Perhaps you should take a mage or two with you. Aislinn and I know the area as well."

"Thank you, Uwen," Cullen returned respectfully, adding, "but I don't think it's a good idea to risk the First Enchanter or you in such a fashion. We'll be fine." He then looked at Aislinn and told her, "Relay this to the Revered Mother, and tell her I'm sorry, but she and I will have to speak later."

Aislinn nodded, uncertain she could get out much more, watching as Cullen turned to go when she finally said, "Cullen?" She didn't care if Uwen was standing there or not, when Cullen looked back at her, so told him seriously, "Be careful."

She saw a half smile slightly lifting his lips which he looked to be trying to hide, giving her a slight bow of his head as he told her, "As you wish," and then moved on, which made Aislinn smile finally because he'd acted so confident about it. _So, he can be confident when it comes to hunting down mages, but hugging a woman? Oh Maker, have mercy_, she thought in amusement.

Aislinn looked over at Uwen then and said, "Sometimes I think they just like to show off."

Uwen chuckled softly, turning to face her and saying, "I think you're right." He sighed though, his expression a little worried and he looked down the hallway in the direction the Templars had gone and said, "Still, that storm isn't going to help them. I doubt they'll be able to find those mages before this evening falls upon us, and I can tell it's going to get worse overnight."

Uwen had spent time with the Dalish Elves in his younger years. Aislinn remembered hearing him saying he was ten when his family found them and managed to settle with them. Uwen would still be with them now if there hadn't been a little trouble with slavers that had moved through the area, looking to steal children from families that were young enough that they could be broken. Uwen was fourteen when that happened, too old to be a target, but the slavers killed his parents and managed to get his younger sister, some of them escaping with her before Uwen had used magic to kill the others.

It was a story he didn't like talking about much for apparent reasons, but his time spent with the Dalish had taught him how to read the weather well, and Aislinn believed him when he said the storm was going to be worse overnight.

She sighed and said, "Well, I need to go tell Marleyna that Cullen had to leave unexpectedly. We'll just have her pray to the Maker for sunshine to follow them since she apparently has a direct connection to the Maker's mailbox."

Uwen couldn't help but let a soft chuckle over those words. "I'll go with you then. Perhaps I'll witness a miracle in the making."

Aislinn smiled at him over the joke, but inside, she was worried. She couldn't help that though she tried to. Somehow, she would just have to go on faith that nothing bad would happen.

If it did, she wasn't sure just how she might react.


	17. Waiting Game

_XVII. Waiting Game_

Waiting, Aislinn determined, was a worse torture than the racks or having fingernails pulled out one by one. She was ready to confess and she hadn't even done anything. Like Uwen had promised, snow came the night that the Templars left the manor to look for the blood mages, and though it had stopped snowing by the next morning, there was three feet of snow on the ground already, and the sky was promising more later. It hadn't been the worst might of snow ever seen, but for the Templars out tracking, it wasn't good.

Why the first snow of the year had to come whenever they had people out of the manor was beyond her.

Aislinn managed to distract herself by taking Gracie out in the stuff that first day however, and though the snow started again in the evening, she slept well enough that night. But teaching on the second day took more focus than usual, and the second night, she woke up on and off because she was curious about news that she didn't feel right about simply asking for.

On the third day, Aislinn found herself in her study with a book in her hands, and though it looked like she was reading it, none of the words were making any sense to her just then. She was ready to take a few Templars out and look for herself, glancing down at Gracie who was asleep on her lap while wondering if that really was the best idea. Quietly, she ran her fingers through the girl's hair, then kissed the top of her head, trying not to think of the man she was the most worried about of all, otherwise she knew she'd get up and go after them.

But Cullen popped into her mind anyway, and had it not been for Gracie weighing Aislinn down so to speak, she probably _would_ have stood up to go just then. She thought about the last time she'd seen him the most, the things they'd talked about, and the night in Denerim that she'd snuck off to the Chantry to try to find her Phylactery so she could destroy it. That night had honestly been an eery one.

Aislinn had wandered away from everyone else, too busy either fixing things, shifting through rubble, or tallying up and identifying the dead to notice her. The Chantry was completely abandoned, the Clergy staying elsewhere for safety, and she'd been completely alone inside it's walls, the best time to do what she was going to attempt to do.

She'd stepped into an study though and saw papers on the desk, some things strewn about as if someone had left in a hurry, and saw the seal of the Grand Cleric of Denerim on the wall, so she sat down hoping that she might find something that would give her a clue as to the whereabouts of the Phylacteries there. After all, mages didn't frequent Chantries, so why _wouldn't_ someone keep something laying out that spelled out plain as day where they were hidden?

Aislinn heard a slight crash outside of the building and stopped shifting through papers long enough to listen, the front door of the Chantry opening while some men were chattering, speaking over the mess and how they should save the Chantry until morning since it looked mostly intact, and they then left. When the doors outside of the office she was in shut, Aislinn turned and went rummaging through drawers again, and that's where she came across several letters entailing a few things she couldn't help but think sounded suspicious.

She didn't know the letters by heart, but she remembered passages that said things such as _I've found the best way to deal with Templars who are out of line is to give them less than the full dose of Lyrium normally administered. Because they take the Lyrium in dust form, it is very easy to do this without any questions raised. This makes the withdrawal symptoms set in slowly, without the Templars realization that they're missing anything. In turn, it them more complacent until they can receive the full dose once more. Take this method under advisement for your own Knights_. Another passage in the letter said to destroy the letter as soon as it had been read. Apparently, the sudden battle made the Grand Cleric of Denerim forget about that little detail.

Aislinn had no clue what that meant, but she supposed there were Templars who were actually addicted to Lyrium, and from the sound of it, the Chantry was giving it to them, or at least, some people in the Chantry were. Though at the time, Aislinn had lumped everyone in the Chantry together as a whole, and it wasn't until she met Revered Mother Marleyna that she realized she'd been thinking of the Chantry exactly the way she felt the Chantry looked at mages.

Marleyna was horrified over the letters being sent and the information they carried in them. She explained to Aislinn that it wasn't just some of the Chantry that gave Lyrium to the Templars, it was _everyone_. The Lyrium apparently strengthened a Templar's abilities to control mages and their magic, but what Marleyna told Aislinn that she _didn't_ know about was how some used the dust to control the Templars - some who apparently were seated higher up in the ranks of the Chantry.

Marleyna identified the seal signed to the letter, which was nameless, as being that which referred to the body of the Grand Cleric's of Orlais, ministers who served just under the Divine, something of a right hand to her. Because the letter didn't have a specific name, Marleyna didn't know which of the Clerics it could have been, or if the Divine herself knew about this. In either case, she _did_ know that in order to ensure safety of delivery, and authentication, the letter _had_ to have the seal on it even if there was no name, otherwise it could have been from anywhere or anyone causing some kind of trouble. This was why, Marleyna explained to Aislinn, there was the passage to have the letter destroyed as soon as it had been read.

Marleyna had put the letters into safe storage, knowing they were too important to allow to get out to everyone, or there would be an uprising. Now, with the Templar and Mage War brewing, it was more important than ever to keep those kinds of things locked away, to keep as many lives intact as possible. The truth couldn't come out until the right time, but in the meantime, Aislinn had been working with Marleyna to get as many Templars off of the dust as possible. They'd even come up with an alternate method for the Templars to use the Lyrium, but one which didn't allow them to get addicted to it.

This was what Marleyna wanted to expose to Cullen. Marleyna apparently felt that Cullen deserved to know the truth, because she'd become convinced over the past week of his moral character. This was exactly what she'd said to Aislinn the day before. She said she had faith that even if he didn't like what was read in those letters, he would understand the need for silence for now, until things were more settled everywhere, and wouldn't cause some kind of fuss that would get people killed needlessly.

As Aislinn had sat there daydreaming about all of this, she'd laid her head to the side in her chair, and began combing her fingers through Gracie's hair. Now, she only hoped nothing bad happened to Cullen while he was out, otherwise he'd never get the chance to learn the truth about everything.

As she was thinking, and worrying even more, a distraction finally came in the form of a knock on the door. Looking up, she saw it opening after a moment of silence on her part due to Gracie's napping, and Uwen coming in, turning to shut it behind himself as she put a finger to her lips and pointed at the sleeping girl settled across her lap.

Uwen nodded, smiling as he stepped over, and then asked quietly, "How long ago did she fall asleep?"

"Maybe half of an hour ago," Aislinn replied just as quietly. Following the words, she looked back up and asked, "What brings you here, Uwen?"

"Oh, I wanted to ask you a few things while stealing your blank parchment," he said, a small smile on his face that was a slight bit devious in nature while he settled himself in a chair across from her.

"I see," Aislinn grinned. "Your dissertation must be coming right along then. Either that or you're simply ruining the pages and needing more."

"I'm not wasting it, I assure you," Uwen chuckled out softly, the both of them remaining quiet for Gracie's benefit. "I suppose I should get it and go, however."

"No, she's a sound sleeper. As long as we're soft spoken, she won't rouse."

"I see," Uwen replied. He spent a good amount of time with Gracie, but he never put her to bed at night, so he wasn't sure about that.

Since he was staying for the moment, Aislinn couldn't help herself. She needed to ask about the Templars in that moment, having tried to be as indifferent as possible, but it was driving her crazy. "Uwen, has anything been heard about the Templars?"

Uwen shook his head, "Not that I know of. It's been three days though. They should be back any time now."

_If_ they were alright, Aislinn thought to herself. Uwen noticed the look on her face, and he asked, "What's wrong? You're worried?"

"Yes, a little. I can't help it though. Or maybe I'm just being silly."

She looked over at the Elf to see that he had a curious expression, and she couldn't blame him. The Templars might've been agreeable at the Morsfeld Circle, but the situation didn't call for as much worry as she was apparently having. But Uwen didn't seem to read much into it, only suggesting, "Perhaps we can send a few men out tomorrow to look if they haven't shown up by then. But the skies have cleared up, so in the very least, the snow will start to melt soon."

"Perhaps. I'm certain Honnely and Dreyan will do something if they don't," Aislinn said. With a soft sigh of breath, she admitted to him then, "I just have a bad feeling in my gut, Uwen. One of those feelings I can't help but think would be wrong to ignore."

Uwen let a little sigh and sat forward in his seat, leaning his elbows on his legs above his knees. "I hate it when you get those feelings. You're usually right about them. Maybe you should go with them incase someone is hurt and needs a healer."

"I was considering that."

Uwen smiled at her. Aislinn, he'd learned over the past few years, was nothing if not determined and ambitious. She always claimed she wasn't the right one to be the First Enchanter, that Uwen was more adept to being it, but Uwen disagreed. He felt they both had what it took, but she carried a strength that he looked up to, and therefore made _her_ the better option. Some of the mages had questioned recently when this Mage and Templar war that had started in Kirkwall would reach Morsfeld, and Uwen wasn't sure, but he felt that when it did - which it may have now with the Templars arriving from Kirkwall three days ago - that they would need her at their front lines.

It was because of her that the mages in Morsfeld hadn't rebelled. When word that the Templars of Kirkwall invoked the Right of Annulment on the Circle to kill all mages because _one_ had destroyed the Chantry reached Morsfeld, Aislinn had immediately called a meeting of the entire Circle - Mages and Templars alike. She'd only asked Honnely to get his men together, and then told everyone herself what had happened.

The mages grew angry, but Aislinn continued, getting their attention by asking them on the spot right there if they wanted to rebel, if they felt this was a blow they couldn't handle, and that the Templars needed to be taken down for good. She asked if they felt that a battle to the death had to start, because if anyone felt that way, then she wanted them to leave the Morsfeld Circle right then and there, not only for the sake of the children in the Circle, but also for the sake of those who wanted to maintain a peaceful existence and find a better way to right what had been wronged in Kirkwall.

No one answered. They'd all just stood there quietly, looking amongst one another in wait to see who would leave. When no one did, Aislinn then told the Templars that she wasn't their commander, but she'd gotten word that many had rebelled against the Chantry, and while she knew it was Honnely's place, or Marleyna's, to handle that, she asked them to please go as well if they felt this was an issue that couldn't be solved peacefully.

No one moved or said anything. Several moments passed in silence when one of the mages had finally asked her how she felt about it, how she intended to handle it.

Aislinn's reply had been that she was outraged that an entire Circle was attacked to pay the price of a single mage, and she didn't like it at all. But those Templars weren't the ones in Morsfeld, that she trusted Ser Honnely's judgement with his men, but most of all, she didn't want to see anyone dying for something they had nothing to do with. Even if the acts in Kirkwall had been awful, they'd been committed in Kirkwall, and to think the Templars in Morsfeld were capable of the same things was just like Templars thinking that all mages were capable of the same things, so to her, it wasn't fair to start a revolt at all.

No one left the Circle that day.

Uwen felt that if he'd been the First Enchanter, his anger would have led to a different outcome. Aislinn was angry too, he knew that, but she'd kept a level head and addressed the situation with everyone. She hadn't lied, told them that Circles were already falling, and mages were beginning to revolt, and she summed it up for them in one simple line, spoken with an extreme conviction and seriousness that seemed to ring out over the entire crowd.

"We can waste two years worth of work in this Circle and fight now, and die for nothing, or we can wait for the fight to come to us, and be prepared when it does, because I _will not_ be made into the closed-minded bigots I've despised all of my life, and as a mage myself, I _will_ _not_ be narrowminded enough to think it would be satisfying to kill the Templars _here_ who have protected us when they're _not_ to blame, nor will I allow any other mage to do so. This Circle _will_ stand."

Those words seemed to get a response from just about everyone that was positive. Some began to cheer, others looked more humble and relieved, as if they were glad that things weren't going to become violent, and the Templars looked as if they either felt honored, or just surprised completely.

Uwen looked at Aislinn now, after she'd mentioned going with the Templars incase healing was needed. He could only respond to her in one way.

"I think you should," he informed her confidently, then added, "and I'll take that parchment paper and go now," chuckling softly as he stood up. "If I happen to make you run out, I'll get some from Marleyna to give to you."

"Sounds like a plan," Aislinn replied with a grin, allowing him to get some from her desk before he turned to walk to the door and leave her to her worried thoughts once more. As he went, another knock came, and silently, Uwen went to open it, but Aislinn couldn't see from where she was sitting whomever was standing on the other side.

But Uwen saw Honnely standing there, his facial expression serious, and there was a dirty, somewhat bloodied Templar behind him that Uwen didn't recognize right off the bat, but after a moment, realized was Ashmon, the one Cullen seemed to know from Kirkwall.

As he figured it out, Honnely asked, "Is the First Enchanter here? We have a problem."

It was a short time later that Aislinn was leaving the front doors of the manor to head out to her horse which she'd had brought over and made ready for her. Three Templars were mounted on their own animals, Dreyan among them, and were waiting, one of the men with a cart big enough to carry a few heavy items in, such as a person, hitched to the animal. Uwen was following them and he came to a stop on the large porch as Aislinn walked down the steps quickly, tugging her cloak around herself. She had her staff with her, currently on her back, which was silver with a short, duel-sided blade at the end carrying a white gem embedded at the base, and a small stem of metal spiraling down the rod of the staff a short ways below it.

As she headed toward her grey speckled mare in a hurry, Uwen asked her, "Are you sure you don't want to take at least one more mage besides yourself, Aislinn?"

"I'm certain," Aislinn replied. "We'll be fine. Just take care of things until I get back."

"Yes, First Enchanter," Uwen replied respectfully as the Templar who'd come to the study with Honnely before and explained what had happened to them walked through the front doors behind him and then down the steps.

"I'm coming along," he said, "you'll be able to find them more quickly if I do."

"I can't argue with you, Ser Ashmon, if that is your wish and you're well enough to travel," Aislinn said in reply, letting the redheaded Templar grab the reigns of his own mount before he swung himself up and turned on it to start heading out.

"It's my duty more than my wish. I can't let my friend's suffer alone," he informed her. "I'm also fine, just a little weary."

When he mentioned that, Aislinn lifted a hand, sending an aura of blue energy washing over Ashmon to rejuvenate him, and as it began to fade away, she asked, "Is that any better for now?"

Ashmon could feel the magic going to work, and he nodded at her, saying, "Yes, I believe so. Th-thank you, Serah."

Aislinn nodded in response and then told him, "Then we'd best leave with haste."

Ashmon couldn't agree more, and was the first to take off. They all began to follow one by one, heading towards the lowering gate at the front of the walls surrounding the manor through the snow, and their horses galloped over the drawbridge at a swift pace. The day was a sunny one if not a bit cold, but neither of them let that bother them. According to Ashmon, he had barely survived an ambush by the Blood Mages they'd been tracking. The Templars had managed to overwhelm them, but there'd been a terrible explosion at the end of the battle that killed some of the Templars and resulted with one of the mages escaping.

Ashmon had been caught in the blast, and he'd been knocked unconscious. By the time he'd awoken, he couldn't find anyone else, only some of the men that had been left dead in the woods along with the mages they'd taken out. He tried searching for his friends, but he couldn't find anything, and felt that going back for help would have been much better than looking alone incase someone came back and caught him in a weakened state.

Garic, Cullen, and Alec were all missing. When Aislinn heard this, her heart sank into the pit of her stomach and she knew she had to go with them to help search for the ones who were missing. Thankfully the Circle hadn't been too terribly far away for Ashmon to reach, but far enough that he feared by the time they returned, his comrades could all be dead. This only made Aislinn even more determined to find them.

Aislinn would have prayed for the first time since she was a small girl that the Maker spared those men's lives, but the last time she'd prayed, it had been for her parents and they died anyway. So she decided to leave the Maker out of this one and, if they found the missing Templars and their lives were in tact, she'd go to Marleyna herself and say a prayer of thanks with the woman.

She hoped she'd be kneeling in the Chantry very soon now.


	18. Search and Rescue

_XVIII. Search and Rescue_

The horses reached the sight where the fighting had taken place a little later in the evening, and it made Aislinn sick to think that this group of blood mages had been found so close to the Circle where she was living. The ride had been a good one, though on the way the clouds had began to gather again and winds had picked up, making Aislinn wonder if another storm was going to start. But she pushed those thoughts out of her head when she saw three of the six Templars that had traveled out with Ashmon and Cullen laying in the snow with the mages, dead.

The scene they arrived at was that of a snow-covered path located in a grove of trees near a moderately steep incline that lead down into a shallow valley below that was treeless for a short way before it became engulfed by forests surrounding them. The riders came to a stop on their horses, kicking up snow around their hooves, and once the animals had settled, they began to dismount, steam wafting about their faces with each breath they took in the cold, the horses included.

It was only getting colder as they day drew on also, the sun blocked out currently, and Aislinn hoped it wouldn't make the search any harder while she looked around after she'd stepped into the snow from her horse's back, able to see, according to the trees and the snow covered ground, exactly where the explosion Ashmon had mentioned had taken place and how intense it had been. Blast marks lined the trunks, and twigs and sticks were laying outside of a crater in the snow, promising that it hadn't been a fun experience for any of them.

As she tried to figure out what spell might've caused such a blast - perhaps a fire spell enhanced with blood magic - she heard the Templars suggesting splitting up to search for their three missing men. Everyone agreed with the assessment, and Aislinn looked back at them and asked, "Am I to come with one of you, or do you think it would be a better idea to have me look on my own and hopefully speed this up?"

Dreyan looked over at her and then at Ashmon. On a serious tone of voice, he asked, "What of the blood mage that escaped?"

"I don't know," Ashmon admitted. "He was not the one who escaped the Gallows, so I don't have a Phylactery with which to trace him."

"I see, then he could be anywhere. I think it may be safer for you to come with me in that case, First Enchanter."

Aislinn gave a nod of her head, and she began to follow the Knight Captain while they split up so they could track down any traces they could through the snow, fanning out in different directions. Considering the situation, Aislinn felt rattled with worry and urgency while following Dreyan and looking for signs and clues, but she refused to allow that to get to her and focused all of her attention on their search. Dreyan was a good man, and a good tracker, so if there was anything to be found, they'd find it quickly.

Except, they didn't find anything, at least not in the direction they'd taken. Dreyan couldn't find any tracks on the path, and though one might think it would be easier with footprints in the snow, it wasn't. The more snow that got messed up with their own footsteps, and the more the winds coming in blew it about, the more the tracks became hidden, and they ended up circling back to the original scene.

Once they walked into the grove again, Dreyan said, "Well, the others haven't come back. Perhaps they've found more than we have."

"I don't understand what could have happened to them," Aislinn muttered aloud. "Maybe they wandered off after the explosion rattled them?" She had another thought and snapped her fingers, "Cullen or Garic may need Lyrium as well."

"Yes, I'd thought of that. Without it, if their withdrawal is bad enough, they could wander off to anywhere without thinking straight."

Aislinn let a low sigh of breath. She had no idea when either of the Knights had a dose last, or how long it would take for withdrawal symptoms to set in for them in particular. She didn't worry about the Templar Alec, however. He'd been off of Lyrium for quite some time now, just as Dreyan was, so he'd be fine without it. It was while she was having these thoughts that she looked at the incline nearby which led down into a valley, and had a thought which she put to the Captain.

"Ser Dreyan, do you think it's possible that one of the men could've stumbled down the incline and into the valley, perhaps because of the explosion?"

"Yes," Dreyan nodded, having just been thinking that very same thing. "It's very possible the explosion could knock someone that far." He walked toward the edge of the incline and down it a few slow steps, looking about closely. Aislinn waited and watched while he searched the area with his eyes, and after a moment, he said, "The snow is uneven in a trail here, as if someone fell, and I'm seeing the tear of clothe which looks to be from a Templar uniform." He looked closer and added, "There looks like some footsteps below as well. We'll have to go down there and leave the horses. It shouldn't be too hard as long as we're slow. The incline isn't quite _that_ steep, though steep enough to hurt if we should fall."

"Very well," Aislinn replied, stepping through the snow and toward where the Captain stood. As she did this, she found some amusement when Dreyan turned around to face her on the incline and reached up to try to take her hand and help her because he'd always treated her as if she were nothing but a delicate flower. Here she was, a survivor of the Battle of Denerim which hadn't been a pretty sight, and he never really seemed to make the connection.

So she said, "I think perhaps it's best if you go first, Ser, that way, if I happen to fall, you'll be in front and I'm not as heavy."

"Ah, yes," he nodded, and then added, "good point. Just follow my step then."

"I'll try my best, thank you," Aislinn replied as he turned and started heading down the incline. Normally she would have grinned over it, but at current, she was too worried to find much of a smile. She just focused on her footing, and used her staff to help her, tugging it from her back and using it to plant the tip into the ground in order to try to steady herself as she worked her way down behind Dreyan. The further she got down the slope with him, the more darker the sky began to get as well, evening slowly passing away over them, but there was still enough light to see without needing aide.

She wasn't too far behind Dreyan, and it took a short while, but they finally managed to make it down the slope unharmed. Aislinn let a soft, thankful sigh when her feet were on even ground again, flipping her staff behind herself and looking back up the hill behind them, mentioning, "The climb back up should be even more wonderful. Especially if we find someone's who's injured, which they probably would be if they rolled down _that_ slope sadly."

"Yes, and it looks as if I was right about the trail," Dreyan replied, pointing at the path through the snow that had been dulled in the winds since they'd been made. "If we find someone, we'll have to go back to get the horses and bring them around the long way around."

They'd both began to move, following the trail, and Dreyan stopped after they'd gone so far, pointing at the change in the trail before saying, "It looks like someone fell here because they were attacked. There's two tracks after this divot where the victim laid, and the second set looks more frantic, suggesting the attacker ran away." Further proof of an attack lay in the fact that there was a blood in the divot where the victim had fallen, as well as trails leading along with both tracks.

"I guess the attacker didn't get away unscathed," Aislinn muttered out, adding, "there's blood trails with each set of prints. Likely the attacker was scared off by a Templar he thought was weaker than he actually was, saying that the trail this way leads to either Alec, Cullen, or Garic."

Dreyan agreed with that assessment, adding, "And this is probably the mage that escaped them."

"Yes. You should take that trail, try to find out what's going on, maybe catch the mage. I'll look for the person at the end of this one. If they're hurt, they'll need my help."

Dreyan hesitated as if he didn't want to leave Aislinn in a situation where she might be hurt, but she gave a look that was reassuring and said, "Go on, I'll be fine."

With a sigh, the man nodded and replied, "Yes, my lady," and then turned to head down the second trail without her. Aislinn looked in the other direction after he'd started moving, and began to head along, wondering who she might find at the end of the path.

The trees began to grow more dense as she went, and she noticed that whoever had been hurt had fought hard to keep going because the tracks looked as if he may have stumbled in places, making her think of Cullen. But _where_ they were going was the question. The trail led on forever it seemed, blood drops dotting the way with it saying that someone was definitely not in good condition, though they were still on two feet as far as she could see. Aislinn pushed on, ducked branches and turned corners to figure out where this person was heading. It was then that she'd found divots in the snow which said they'd fallen over in their weakened state before pushing themselves on further.

Finally, Aislinn came across a tree trunk that had blocked the path, which she climbed over because the tracks led to the other side, and when she pushed herself back to the snow-covered forest floor, she looked up to see that the trail led to an end finally - and right to Cullen.

For those first few moments when she saw him laying face first in the snow, Aislinn panicked. She thought that perhaps he could be dead from some kind of injury. As she drew closer, she dropped down next to him and took his arm to carefully roll him onto his back, and he let a groan out. The sound made her exhale in relief because at least he was alive. Her blood began swimming through her veins again, although a bit faster than normal.

"Cullen? Can you hear me?," she asked, grabbing and settling her staff to the side so she could settle down before leaning in and pushing her arm beneath his head to lift it from the snow, wiping the flakes from the side of his face. "Cullen, wake up and say something."

There was no response. The side of his head that had fallen into the snow had several scratches on it, and there was dried blood all over his face and caked in his hair along with some dirt. Further inspection showed Aislinn that he'd been stabbed through the back of his right shoulder, perhaps the attack he'd suffered at the bottom of that slope where she and Dreyan had split up.

So Aislinn lifted her free hand over him and used her magical abilities, focusing with her eyes shut while her fingers began to glow blue. With the magic going to work, the scratches on the side of Cullen's face faded away visibly, the aura washing over him. Aislinn could sense that she'd healed him of all his other physical injuries as well, but when she stopped and looked back down at him, he still hadn't woken up.

"Cullen?," she asked again, shaking him a little. "Wake up."

Finally, he started to come to, his eyes slowly opening, but they closed again not long after that. He was acting as if he might've been ill, his breathing deep and somewhat heavy, so she reached up and tugged her glove off with her teeth, then touched his forehead. His skin felt a little clammy and he was warm, telling her he had a fever.

Her healing magic should have taken care of that, she thought to herself, pulling her hand from his head and pulling the glove from her mouth before shoving it into the pouch tied to the sash around her waist. She then reached for his hand and undid the straps that held his glove on, undoing them so she could pull it off and examine his nails. Despite the insulation in Cullen's gloves, once his glove had been removed, she saw that his nails looked blue. That wasn't a good sign.

Aislinn got the feeling it was blood magic making him ill perhaps, and short of about two or three more mages, she wouldn't be able to heal him on her own. The magic was too powerful for her alone. Not to mention she really needed Uwen's keen eye in this situation to diagnose the problem completely since he was extremely knowledgeable about the effects of various hexes without knowing what particular spell was cast. So they would have to get Cullen back to the Circle before he could be completely taken care of.

But who knew where Dreyan was, and Cullen was much too heavy - especially in his armor - for her to carry alone. So Aislinn looked around, and then pulled her arm from beneath him and let his head settle back into the snow carefully. Standing, she went to gather some sticks and brought them over, placing them close by into a pile before she stood over it and held her hand out. Her fingertips began to catch fire, and the flame shot forth and into the sticks, lighting the area under the trees and grey sky with a crackling orange light. It was getting dark anyway, so the light would be needed.

Once she had the fire going, Aislinn went back over to Cullen and tugged her cloak off, followed by laying it across the ground next to him. When she had it down, she turned to Cullen and reached to press her arm behind his head while lifting his own arm to hook around her shoulders, and then pulled him up with a little grunt of effort. His weight was easy to move, but she backed up with him in tow, pulling him across the cloak, and settled down on her knees with his head against her chest so that he wouldn't be so uncomfortable laying in the snow.

"Cullen?," she asked once he was settled, trying to see if perhaps she could get him to wake up again and tell her anything about the way he felt, reaching to tap her fingers against his cheek, hoping that might help a little. "Wake up, it's me. Can you even hear me, Cullen?"

He flinched a bit again, turned his head slightly, and his eyes slowly began to open and peer up at her. She was glad for that, but she noticed that they looked glazed over with the fever he had - or maybe that was the Lyrium withdrawal if he was going through it.

But she only stayed quiet and listened as he asked, "Ais...linn?"

At least he recognized her. "Yes, it's me. I came with Ser Dreyan and Ser Ashmon to look for you, Alec, and Garic. Do you know what happened to them?"

He was quiet, his eyes going to shut again before he attempted to respond, asking her, "Who?" His voice was a little raspy, and he was apparently out of it, either from the fever or the withdrawal, she wasn't sure which it might've been.

"Nevermind," Aislinn told him instead of making him try to draw it all up in his wearied mind. "Just rest, Cullen. When Dreyan comes, we'll take you back to the Circle and get you all patched up."

His eyes closed, and she watched as he tried to get out a few words, but he looked so worn down that she knew it was hard for him. The circles under his eyes were even darker than normal, though she could have sworn they'd been fading recently, and she knew he was exhausted. That's when he told her, "Pain's...gone..."

"I healed your wounds," she informed him. "I guess you had a bad fall before you were attacked again. Do you remember anything else?"

"I...don't," he started, trailing off, and Aislinn could tell that it was hard for him. "Uhh...feel sick. Where are we?"

"In the woods," she answered plainly. She started combing her fingers through his hair to push it all back neatly, hoping the motion might soothe him, and then added, "Rest now, don't try to talk, you'll be in a much warmer place soon now. It won't take Dreyan long to find us."

His breathing was deep and slow, another way she was trying to judge what it was that might've been ailing him, along with the way he'd slowly lifted his hand, as if it might've felt flimsy to him. That hand landed on her arm, which she'd settled across his chest plate. She narrowed her brows, hearing him trying to say something which she could only make out as, "Don't leave me this time."

"I'm not going anywhere, Cullen, don't worry." He must have been delirious. This time? Maybe he thought he was dreaming. That being the case, she felt even worse for him, wondering how long it might take Dreyan to get there, and if Garic or Alec had been found yet as well.

In the meantime, she'd have to keep the fire going, and she realized it was already starting to get low, needed to be stirred up a bit and added to, so she looked around for something to put in it. Spotting a branch nearby, she went to lift her arm and felt the clutch of Cullen's fingers around it tighten, as if he was still afraid she might leave him, feeling bad that he was sick like this, and that they hadn't found him a bit sooner. But they'd found him, so that was something.

"I'm not leaving, Cullen, don't worry."

His fingers relaxed their grip slowly, and she smiled a little, then lifted her hand and reached over to grab the branch nearby. Once she had it, she turned it and reached over to stir the fire she'd started, watching the flames grow before tossing the branch on top of it, hoping that might make it warmer. As she worked, she noticed that Cullen was staring up at her with glazed and half-lidded eyes, and she looked back down at him.

It was a silly question, but she asked, "Are you alright?"

That's when she heard him saying something she had to strain to hear. But the end result of the short conversation following it had her eyes going a bit wide.

"So...beautiful..."

Aislinn perked a brow, "I'm sorry, what?" Was he talking about her?

"You're so..." his eyes had drifted shut before he'd continued speaking, making her think he might've been going back to sleep, but then he said, "I...love you...Aislinn."

Despite the fact that she'd already had many clues to say as much, Aislinn couldn't help her surprise. Her throat went dry, clenching a bit with the slight embarrassment she felt, and she hoped he didn't end up saying these kinds of things whenever Dreyan got there, otherwise there could be a little trouble. If Cullen came to only to realize he'd told Aislinn he loved her when he wasn't in his right mind, he'd probably leave Ferelden and never come back this time. Though, it _could_ all be chalked up to delirium if he said anything in front of someone else, so Aislinn wasn't _completely_ worried.

His hand was still holding onto her arm, his head resting against her upper chest, and Aislinn didn't reply except to say, "Uh...thank you, Cullen," because that was all she _knew_ to say incase he happened to remember this whenever he woke up completely. She wasn't going to embarrass him anyway, though she wished she could have told him the same thing back.

"Always...wanted to...tell you," he rasped out, and after a moment of silence, added, "never could. Too...difficult."

"I know you couldn't," she replied, forgetting herself for a moment. _Oh well, if he remembers this conversation when he's better, I'll just tell him I had no idea what else to say_. "It's not easy admitting your feelings."

"No," he said weakly, "It's...not fair...either..."

She smiled at him, deciding this was probably the most awkward bedside manner she'd ever been stuck in. But instead of replying, she looked up and around, seeing that no one had come back to find either of them yet, so she took advantage of their solitude and leaned down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. If he knew what was really going on, that should embarrass him enough to get him to warm up a bit for a while. As her lips brushed his head, he actually leaned into it, so she lingered longer than she had to, and kissed him a second time on the cheek. It was sad knowing that nothing could easily come of this if it could at all, and she sat back finally, idly tracing his jaw with her fingertips while realizing he needed a shave just then when his stubble tickled her skin, which made her smile.

While waiting, Aislinn thought about how she hoped he knew it wasn't only hard for him, but it was hard for her too. She had feelings for him, but she also couldn't tell him about them, and she wanted to. With a heavy sigh, Aislinn waited patiently for Dreyan to return, deciding with a little grin slowing forming on her face that the man currently laying in her lap was definitely worth any difficulties they could have had together, but he was also a pain in the ass because of it all.

"You're not...leaving...this time?"

The sudden words brought her out of her thoughts and got her to look back down at him, and she said, "Cullen, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not going anywhere, not without you."

His grip tightened as if he liked hearing that, and he relaxed against her, breathing slowly and saying on that same raspy tone of voice, "Good. I...need you here." He let a cough after those words before settling against her again.

"I know," she reassured him on a gentle voice. "You're just fevered. Go back to sleep. You'll wake up in a warm bed with plenty of food around when you do, I promise."

He got quiet when she told him that and grew still, eventually going limp as if he'd passed out again. When she whispered his name, there was no response, and Aislinn couldn't help but say softly, "I love you too, Cullen. I'm so glad you're safe. Well, for the moment." Then she finished with a grin by adding, "You scared the shit out of me just now though. I'll have to find a way to make you make it up to me. A tea party with Gracie would work."

She tried not to snicker too loudly over the thought of him taking up such a task, but she couldn't completely stop herself either. The thought of him even attempting to sit at Gracie's little table with her friend Augusta and a bunch of dolls alone was amusing since the table was so small. But before she could really consider the ridiculous mental image she'd gotten, she heard someone speaking, a voice she didn't recognize.

"You're...taking care of a Templar?"

A mage had come walking into view, stopping to stand about ten feet away from the area Aislinn had set up with the fire, his skin pale, hair dark, and he was dirty all over. He was holding his side, apparently injured, and Aislinn knew he'd been the one to escape the fight before, as well as attack Cullen. From the looks of it, Cullen had slashed the man's side open, forcing him to retreat. The blood loss from the wound probably accounted for his pale skin.

"Yes, I suppose I am," Aislinn answered. "Not a common sight these days, is it?"

The man eyed her warily, and Aislinn returned the same scrutiny to him. After a moment of silence passing between them, he finally said, "I'd think you didn't have a choice if more of them were around, but there's no one here forcing you. Why are you still concerned what happens to him?"

"Because I owe him my life," Aislinn replied firmly. "When I owe someone, I make sure my debts are paid in full. So if I have to kill someone to get him out of here unharmed and alive, I will do so."

The mage scoffed, waving her off with a single hand. Shaking his head, he said, "Fine, but even if you _do_ get him out of here, he's been hexed, and he'll only die later."

He'd started to turn to leave her with her injured Templar, but Aislinn said, "Wait." The mage came to a stop and looked back at her, and when he did, Aislinn asked him, "What was he hexed with? Do you know?"

"No, and I don't give a damn either. I didn't cast the spell. I'm only letting you live because you're a mage, and if you owe him, then that's fine, considering he'll be dead in a few days anyway. Good riddance to another Templar fiend."

Aislinn let out a soft sigh, muttering, "Well, aren't you just a sweet humanitarian to be so kind as to grant me my life. You're only getting other mages killed needlessly in the process, you know?"

The man gave her a look that said he didn't like what she'd just told him, stepping forward a few steps and asking her, "You think this is needless? I don't know what kind of privileged life you've led, but they're all imprisoning us _needlessly_. It's better to die free than live on our knees."

"And you call this dying free?," she asked him in quick return. "Who accepts you? They've labeled you a blood mage. You can't go anywhere without sneaking and hiding, and you'd be mistrusted among normal mages as well." Shaking her head, Aislinn finished, "That's not dying free, that's just dying on your knees, and I'd personally rather live on my knees while freeing others than dying and taking them with me because of ignorance, bias, and bigotry."

The mage stared at her as if he might've wanted to try to let the words in, but then he just scoffed at her. "Well, live on your knees for as long as you like, I'm not going to stop you."

Cullen had moved and opened his eyes by that time, beginning to cough, and Aislinn helped him to sit forward. The coughing fit was harsh, drawing out for quite a bit as she tried to help him by swatting his back, until he turned his head and spit out some blood into the snow. When Aislinn saw that, she knew that whatever Cullen had was getting worse, and she tried to slow his dissent when he suddenly fell to the side weakly with a loud groan.

Aislinn struggled with his weight, but managed to hold onto him until he was settled while Cullen gasped for breath after his harsh fit of coughing. Before she could say anything at all though, Cullen had looked up and noticed the mage standing nearby, and he angrily sneered out the word, "You!"

The mage scoffed at him, replying, "Yes, me, glad you remember that much, _Templar_."

Aislinn glared at the man, suggesting, "If you're not going to help me reverse this spell, then why don't you go away?" She wasn't going to that mention Dreyan or anyone else was around looking for him to get him to run however. If anything, and she was lucky, she hoped one of them got the drop on him while he was distracted.

"Heh, and miss watching this Templar suffer? I think I'd rather stick around."

Cullen tried to move as if he wanted to go and kill the man, but he could barely push himself up to begin with. Aislinn grabbed him to stop him before he could hurt himself, saying, "Just ignore him," though when the mage started laughing, she was tempted to attack him herself. Just when she was ready to grab her staff regardless of the fact that he was a blood mage, swift movement caught her by surprise. It came from the trees quickly, and drew past the mage who'd been laughing at Cullen's condition.

By the time Aislinn really realized what was going on, the mage's head fell from his shoulders completely, a sword cleaving it completely off, and the Templar who'd come out of hiding to take him down had fallen to his knees just afterwards. He released his blade to let it land in the snow next to his body while he muttered out, "Mission accomplished." Panting, he then looked over and said, "Oh, hello, First Enchanter."

"Alec!," Aislinn gasped out. "Are you alright?"

"Not really," he grumbled, pushing himself over and a little closer to the fire. "I've been tracking that bastard all damned day. I knew he was around here somewhere. I guess the fire and seeing a mage taking care of a Templar got his curiosity up enough to stick his blighted head out finally."

Cullen had passed out again, and Aislinn pulled him back over, seeing that he was completely unconscious. Alec, a man with dark hair cut short in a crop around his head and amber brown eyes, took a look and asked, "Can't you do anything for him?"

"Not by myself. We have to get him back to the Circle. Dreyan is here, and Ser Ashmon. They're out looking for you now." She shook her head and asked him, "What happened to you anyway? Do you know what happened to Garic?"

"I left Garic with Ashmon."

"According to Ashmon, no one was around when he woke up. He left to come get help from the Circle, and brought us back here."

Alec let out a sigh. "I guess you know about the explosion and everything then, right?"

"Yes."

Nodding, Alec told her, "Well, it was just before sunup when this happened. I saw Cullen falling down the incline after the blast. I'd been on the opposite side, so I was knocked into the trees. The mage I just killed over there," he motioned to the headless body, "was the one who set the bloody thing off. Ashmon was unconscious but he was fine laying next to me, and that's when I saw the mage turning to run away. He started heading down the same hill that Cullen had been knocked over."

Alec paused for breath, still winded from his long day, and he said, "I went toward the slope, and by the time I got there, I saw the mage trying to attack the Commander with his staff. It was hard to see what happened at that distance in the dark, but Cullen apparently got the upper hand because I could see the mage running away. Garic told me to go after him, that he'd stay with Ashmon, so I did. But my leg had been injured, so I had to take the long way around in order to find him. Took me all bloody day, but..."

He trailed because she knew the rest of the story, and Aislinn let out a little sigh. But she didn't ask and simply cast a healing spell on Alec to mend any injuries he had, and then followed that up with a rejuvenation spell to get him a little more energized. While she did this, she said, "In that case, the only question left is where is Garic."

"Maybe something came along, and Garic wanted to draw it away from Ashmon. Wild animal or something worse." He took in a breath over the relief he felt after the spells were cast, and then said, "Thank you, my lady. You don't know how good it feels after a whole day of hobbling around like an old geezer to have some relief from the throbbing."

Aislinn smiled over the way he'd put that. She didn't know Alec well, had only spoken with him on a few occasions before, but he seemed more outspoken than most Templars she'd ever met. As she had the thought, she reached to feel Cullen's head again, saying. "His fever's getting worse. We have to get him out of here and back to the horses. Do you think you can help me carry him?"

"Are you kidding me? I feel like I could lift that fallen tree trunk over there now," he joked and gave her a smile. Aislinn smiled back and nodded as he stood up and grabbed his sword, putting it onto his back before walking over to her. Once he got to where she was sitting with Cullen, he leaned down and took Cullen's opposing arm, allowing her to get up and grab her cloak from beneath him before she used it to tie around Cullen, hoping to keep in some warmth for him.

She then grabbed his opposing arm and they both went to lift him up from the ground, and Alec asked, "You got him?"

"Yes, let's get going."

Just as they were about to take a step, Alec suddenly came to a stop and looked around, making a shushing sound before Aislinn could say anything. Aislinn looked over Cullen's currently drooping head at Alec, watching him grabbing his blade as if in preparation. Apparently he'd just heard something he hadn't liked.

Aislinn's hand went to her staff in turn, but before she could even think of any plans of action incase they were attacked, Dreyan came out of the bushes, and both she and Alec relaxed heavily with slow exhales of steaming breath.

"So you're the one I've been tracking down, Alec." Dreyan said as he put his sword on his back again, shaking his head. "I got your tracks confused with that blood mage." He then looked down at the body as he walked over to them, adding, "I guess you took care of that problem though."

Aislinn allowed Dreyan to take Cullen's arm so he could help Alec instead, and she stepped away and listened as Alec told Dreyan, "Aye, bloody fool he was. I would've caught him a long time ago if my leg hadn't been injured. But the Commander's in bad shape."

"So I see," Dreyan nodded. "Let's get going back to the horses, trying to find Ashmon and see if he's located Garic yet. You can tell me along the way what's happened and what's wrong with the Commander."

"Right," Aislinn replied, then she light the gem on the end of her staff so they could see better in the dark, walking with it in hand while telling them, "Come on, then. Let's not waste time."


	19. The Truth of Things

_XIX. The Truth of Things_

It wasn't easy, but they managed to get Cullen back to the horses, and found out that Ashmon had located Garic. Apparently, while Ashmon had been unconscious, Garic had heard a sound in the bushes that he'd gone off to inspect, which had turned out to be nothing, and when he'd gotten back, Ashmon was gone. Garic had also been hunting without Lyrium for a while, and he'd started having some withdrawal symptoms which didn't help, though Aislinn didn't find that out until much later. But minus that and a few burns and cuts, the man was fine.

They'd gone about putting Cullen into the cart hitched to one of the Templar's horses, which they'd moved to the clearing of trees below the sight where the fight had taken place since it would be much harder to get Cullen back up the slope. Aislinn climbed into the cart with him because she would have to keep an eye on him incase his condition changed on the way back to the Circle and try to do whatever she could to keep him going if the bottom suddenly dropped out.

Dreyan was holding the reigns of Aislinn's mount, and he looked over and asked her, "Is the Commander good for travel?"

"Yes," Aislinn replied. "All's ready here."

"We'll have to come back to collect our lost men later," Ashmon said as he mounted his own steed. "Having Agnus sent back to Kirkwall so his family can bury him is going to be...a depressing chore."

"We'll help you get it done," Dreyan promised the man seriously, looking over as Garic had mounted Ashmon's steed, climbing up behind him, which meant everyone was prepared for travel now.

"I still don't understand why you can't do anything else for Cullen," Garic said to Aislinn once he was in place behind Ashmon, his tone unconvinced that she'd done all that she'd said she could for the time being. Aislinn had noticed him giving her funny looks so far to begin with, and with Cullen's condition, her patience was wearing thin.

"If I explain it," Aislinn shot back, her tone sharp, "we'll lose time. I'm not waiting to make sure you can understand all of the intricacies of how blood magic works and why normal magic can't undo it. I'm not waiting for one of you to retry a cleansing aura on him." Without further explanation, she told the Templar who's horse was hitched to the cart, "Let's get moving _now_."

He nodded at her and began to ride, Dreyan doing the same just behind them. Ashmon decided not to say anything, though before he took off, Garic asked, "You hear that?"

"Aye, I heard it, Garic. Let's just go," Ashmon muttered with his Starkhaven accent in full force, and took off. He wasn't in the mood to argue. It was too damned cold and he was too hungry to care. But he heard Garic muttering behind him the words 'bloody mages' as they went, and he rolled his eyes.

Cullen never woke up on the way to the Circle again, and in turn, never mentioned anything strange that anyone else could've heard and wondered over because of that. Instead, he'd been unconscious for the most part, and muttering incoherently at other times. Like the blood mage in the forest had said, his health would continue to decline, and Aislinn noticed this when Cullen began to sweat on the way back. Ashmon had surmised that the spell had likely been cast on him just when they'd been ambushed, and if any of the other Templars had suffered the same fate, they'd died in the explosion before anyone knew about it.

Aislinn was more happy than she'd ever been to see the Circle coming into view when they arrived. The ride over the drawbridge was a bumpy one, but they got to the doors and Aislinn let Dreyan and the others carry Cullen inside while she had someone go get Uwen and Ila so they could all try to figure out how to cure the Commander.

Once in his bedchambers, the Templars did as the mages there asked them to and removed his armor so they could inspect him more thoroughly to figure out what was going on, putting him in a thin white and tunic and leaving his pants in place once they were done. They consulted the tomes they'd brought along after making notes on him, taking Aislinn's information of his coughing up blood and delirium to try to narrow the possibilities down.

Uwen figured out that it was a life drain spell because of the way that Cullen would cough up blood in his sleep every so often, which he'd started doing in bed while they'd been looking. He pinpointed what the most likely spell could have been, and so they started looking for a way to reverse it, which took a bit of work considering these kinds of things weren't always so well documented with the way the Chantry viewed magic. But they managed to pull it off after about an hour of searching for the right answer while the others waited for some absolution.

Marleyna was also there with Mother Johanna, the two of them watching and silently praying. If it weren't for their presence, Aislinn got the feeling that Garic might've gotten a little out of line. She noticed him giving her a look when Cullen had gone into one of his coughing fits while she tried to clean the blood from his mouth. _He can kiss my magical ass_, she thought to herself and went back to work.

Ila was quick at finding counter spells, and thankfully her skills pulled through. Soon enough they knew what they needed to, and thankfully, the components they needed were all within reach. Uwen was right about the spell, it wasn't as powerful as it could've been, probably because the mage was an amateur, though Cullen's health was still deteriorating. But had the spell been more powerful, he would've probably already been dead.

It was a chore, but it wasn't as bad as getting the Urn of Sacred Ashes thankfully, so neither of them felt too strained.

Once they'd gotten what they needed and got the spell reversed, Cullen started looking better almost immediately, though all of the mages knew that until he woke up, someone would have to sit by and watch over him to make sure he didn't relapse and need a second treatment. Aislinn decided to volunteer mostly because if Cullen ended up muttering in his sleep, she didn't want anyone else to hear him saying what he'd told her in the forest or something like it, but aside from that, she was also good at caring for the sick, and knew she was the best choice anyway.

"If anything is needed, let us know," Uwen said as he went to the door with Ila just behind him once all was said and done.

"I will," Aislinn replied.

"I still don't understand why you need to stay and watch him," Garic spoke up finally, doing exactly what Aislinn had expected him to do. "You just took care of him, didn't you?"

Aislinn was already highly annoyed by Garic's suspicious glances and his underhanded tone of voice. Ashmon stepped in however and said, "It was blood magic, Garic, they want to be thorough, make sure it doesn't come back."

"So we're being thorough by leaving him with more mages?," Garic asked, sounding a slight bit angry over the notion.

"Ser Garic," Marleyna started on a calm tone of voice, getting the man's attention. "Pardon my interruption, but Aislinn is a healer, and she's spent more time tending to the sick and injured than you and I have tending to ourselves. I've seen this with my own eyes, been one of her patients before, and I'd trust my life with her just as quickly as I would to you. If she's requesting everyone leave so that the Knight Commander can recover, then it's probably in our best interests to do so. I hope this waylays your fears a little."

"Ah, uh, yes, Revered Mother," Garic nodded, looking uncertain what to think. "My apologies."

"Come then, let's leave them be," Marleyna urged him gently and lifted a hand to motion for them to go. "Aislinn, you will let us know when he's better, won't you?"

"I will, Your Grace," Aislinn replied with a nod of her head.

"Good," Marleyna told her and walked over, taking her hand. "When he awakens, tell him I said to please stop trying to spook an old woman like this. My heart can't handle it." She then smiled at Aislinn where no one else could see it and turned around to walk away, leaving something in the First Enchanter's hand when she did.

Aislinn watched her going without needing to look to know that she held a vial of Lyrium Dust in her hand which Marleyna had just slipped to her because Aislinn had told her earlier that Cullen may have needed another, it was hard to tell. Marleyna did this in secret because of the Kirkwall Templars present who didn't know more about this Circle, and the secrets of the Morsfeld Circle were something they need to protect and tell slowly to others, especially with men so quick to judge like Garic around.

Before Dreyan could leave, Aislinn asked if he could help to get the room straightened up. Dreyan agreed and took Cullen's armor to have it cleaned from the dirt and scratches that had been put on it after the explosion. Aislinn made sure that everything she might have needed were Cullen to somehow relapse without warning was near the bedside, and she drew up a chair, fetched her needle work sewing pattern from her own room which she did as a hobby sometimes, and returned to sit down in the dim candlelight and work while Cullen slept.

It didn't take too long for consciousness to come back to him during the quiet time, and Cullen woke up after about half an hour, groaning softly when he did. He wasn't sure how he'd gotten into bed precisely, but he did know he was completely thankful for it. It beat laying on the cold, snow-covered ground in pain and feeling as sick as he had. Aislinn had promised that when he woke up, that was where he'd be, and she'd delivered what she'd told.

Blood magic, he thought with sneer in his head. He remembered the event, how three of the men had been caught directly in the explosion, and the others had been on the edge of it, himself included. He'd been closest to the sloped incline when it had happened, and he'd gotten knocked back and fallen down the hill, rolling over the terrain and snow toward the bottom at a fast pace, breaking his wrist and scratching the side of his head in the process. Other than that, his armor had prevented him from getting hurt too badly.

Following the fall, he stumbled to his feet and had tried to walk away in order to find some means of getting back up to where his men had been. Sadly he couldn't find one offhand, and was attacked by one of the mages who'd caught him from behind and stabbed him with the blade on his staff to try to take him out. Cullen had jolted forward and reacted by turning quickly on instinct and drawing his blade to the side, unable to see clearly because of the pain and weariness stinging his eyes, but he heard his attacker letting a yelling out before he ran away. Thankfully, the wrist Cullen had broken was his left wrist, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to react in such a way.

With a grunt, Cullen rolled over in the snow and put his sword on his back again, then pushed himself up, stumbling forward as illness began to creep over him even more so than he'd felt it before he'd fallen down the slope. He'd felt sick throughout the battle, had used the cleansing aura ability that all Templars had, but it hadn't worked. The magic was too powerful.

But he wanted to push on because he needed to find that mage, hadn't even realized in the process that he'd gone in the wrong direction at first because he'd been so addled, but then realized his error after he'd gone so far. Nothing seemed right, and it had been a while since his last dose of Lyrium to boot, so he wasn't sure if it was the sickness he felt coming on, the pain from his wounds, or if it was withdrawal. Eventually, however, he'd collapsed and passed out, only awakening when Aislinn had found him.

He remembered opening his eyes to look up and see her blurry face slowly coming into enough focus that he could recognize her. She was a beautiful sight to behold after all of that, and Cullen had thought he was dreaming as he had done in the Tower when the Demons were plaguing him. He thought she would disappear at any moment, and with as aching and cold as he'd felt, he'd latched onto her and begged her to stay with him that time. She felt warm and he needed it, didn't want to ever lose it. As long as she stayed, he felt as if he knew he could make it through this situation, and just feeling as if he could was comforting.

Laying in bed now, awake but still resting his eyes, he thought about how he'd been so out of it because he was so sick. She must have gotten him back to the Circle and healed however because he felt no traces of the illness that had been wracking his body or any of the injuries he'd sustained.

That's when another memory hit him. He'd been so out of it that he'd told Aislinn he loved her. Not only that, but she'd told him thank you, so he knew she'd heard him. Suddenly his eyes flew open with the thought. _Oh Maker, what have I done? What will she–_

"Cullen? Are you alright?"

Aislinn had heard Cullen groaning and noticed him moving a bit which told her he was waking up, so she saw when Cullen's eyes had flown open, and because the expression was fairly shocked, she asked him if he was alright, of course. Apparently, that was the wrong question to ask though because he suddenly sat up at the sound of her voice and stared at her with the same wide eyes he'd had before.

"Cullen?"

"Oh, uh...Aislinn...I mean..._Lady_ Aislinn," he rushed out, "what are you...d-doing here?"

"Watching to make sure you're alright after your illness." She felt like she might've grown a second head or something at that precise moment in time with the way he was staring at her. As for _why_ he was staring at her like that, she had no idea.

"I see," he rushed out, brows narrowing as he stared at her, "but you don't seem very angry." When she only gave him a look that said she needed more information, he continued with, "I mean about the...uh...what I admitted."

Suddenly it clicked in her head. So he _had_ remembered saying that. Aislinn wanted to smile, laugh, or maybe just shake her head if not all three at once, realizing that in his panic, Cullen hadn't thought about simply playing up his illness and delirium as being the catalyst of making him say those things to her.

She hated to point it out to him as well, but she decided she didn't have much of a choice because it was the truth to her answer anyway. "I wasn't entirely certain you were yourself when you told me that, Cullen, but I think you're proving now that you meant it."

He suddenly froze in place, staring at her with a mortified expression that she had to admit looked absolutely adorable on a full grown man - Maker help her - and if his face turned any redder, she'd think the fever had come back and he'd need another magical treatment. A part of her did feel bad that he just realized he'd given away how he'd felt, but she also liked that in the very least now it was out in the open, and just _maybe_ wouldn't be a terrible weight on him anymore - saying, that was, that it had been as such before.

She would've said something during his mortified silence as well, but Cullen had suddenly gotten out, "Uh...I-I'm...I didn't...you were...oh _Maker_..."

Aislinn interrupted him as he tried to find what he needed to say, holding up her hand and telling him, "It's fine, Cullen, I mean aside from your embarrassment right now, but I'm not offended at all. Just lay back and rest. I know you feel better than you did, but you could still be sick. You don't need to make it worse, especially not when it was hard enough for myself, Uwen, and Ila to figure out what was wrong exactly so we could reverse it to begin with."

It was like her words hadn't clicked with him at all. Aislinn was biting the inside of her lips to keep from smiling over it. Finally, Cullen let out his breath which she figured he'd been holding forever, and looked down, then pushed himself up and leaned forward a bit. She tried not to pay attention to how nice he looked when he wasn't in the Templar uniform she was so used to seeing him in, but she couldn't help it. The shirt looked good on him, hanging open in the front a bit, enough to show a bit of definement in his upper chest and his collar, which she forced herself not to stare at. Instead, she put her mind on more serious matters.

Aislinn knew he realized he'd made a huge mistake just now, but it wasn't as if he'd had time to think about it and realize that she might not have believed what he'd said, chalked it all up to his illness. Not to mention he was probably still exhausted, the circles under his eyes saying as much, his hair mussed a bit from where he'd been laying down - yet another thing Aislinn tried not to pay attention too since it was handsome in some way she couldn't place. Too late though, the cat had jumped out of the proverbial Templar, and Aislinn felt it might have been a good idea to leave him alone for now, but she wanted to make sure everything was alright first.

She also didn't want to add to his embarrassment, so she acted completely casual about the entire situation. "Cullen, I hope you're not...mad at yourself, or anything."

He'd narrowed a brow, looking over at her hesitantly, but apparently he couldn't hold her gaze because he looked back down at the sheets. "I don't...I'm not...," then he actually groaned out, "Andraste's ass," lowly. Aislinn had to bite her lip. She hadn't even known Cullen _knew_ the word ass, which told her how he felt exactly. Lowest of the low, she figured, so cursing in such a way wasn't going to make it any worse for him.

This was the last thing Cullen had planned to do for this day. _And to think I figured I'd go back to the Circle, spend some time in prayer at the Chantry, have some tea, do a little reading, and get some sleep once we were done wrapping up the trouble with those blood mages. Yes, all after spilling one of my biggest secrets to the woman I've had feelings for going on about nine years now._

Aislinn couldn't help but feel badly when he looked the way he did now, so she said, "It's not as if you're to blame for it, Cullen. I certainly don't anyway, and I know you're so embarrassed and shocked right now that it seems disastrous to you."

"It _is_," he enunciated, adding, "I told you that I...," and stopped himself, then shook his head. "It's not the best of things, and certainly not appropriate for the situation."

Aislinn knew what he meant, and she felt bad herself. How could she not? The situation wasn't one that was easily defined and put in some kind of world where normal existed because normal wasn't relevant to it.

"No," she spoke softly, "it's not entirely appropriate I suppose, but you don't need to worry that I'll either treat you differently now or treat this situation like a child instead of a grown adult." She pushed herself up from the chair then and turned around to move it back against the wall where she'd gotten it from. Her actions were completely nonchalant, as if she hadn't been affected by the discovery that he hadn't been simply under the influence of a fever at all when he'd told her how he felt about her, and somehow, Cullen wasn't sure of what to think of that.

For a brief moment, he entertained the notion that perhaps, if she was indifferent to his feelings like he was getting the sense she was, he could finally quell them. That would be a very good thing. At the same time, a part of him felt angry that she might not be affected at all by this discovery, and even heartbroken that she wouldn't respond in kind to it even though he knew the chances were slim to none. Why this all had to be so complicated he would never know. All he did know is that he'd spent a good portion of his life loving this woman at a distance without wanting to, and the thought that she didn't feel the same way made him extremely frustrated. In turn, that frustration made him angry at himself.

Before he could think of any comment to make however, Aislinn said after she'd settled the chair down, "I just hope this doesn't mean you're going to find a post somewhere else to take."

He couldn't see her face when she said that because she had her back turned as she'd settled the chair down, and the question made him curious as to why she'd asked it. "Wouldn't that be the most logical thing to do?," he asked her, and finally looked over at her face when she turned back around to look at him. When he mentioned it, he thought he saw her frowning a little, a look she was hiding as best she could.

"Probably, I can't lie about it," she nodded her head at him, but she didn't want to.

"Then why are you...," his brow narrowed, his heart lurching forth in his chest when the thought hit him that she might not want him to go, and he shook his head, looking away from her again. "You sound disappointed."

"I am," she told him honestly, two words that only got the heat he felt in his cheeks - which he hated - to persist. He slowly looked back at her, and she pursed her lips and lifted her right shoulder in a shrug at him. "What can I say, I'm just as fond of you as you are of me. I didn't ask to be, but I am. Before you say anything though, you should know that it's rather impossible _not_ to like you, Ser, even when you say things I don't agree with. Somehow you just have that effect on me. You've always been good to me too. How could I not come to feel for you in return?"

He looked completely bowled over. It was then that he tried to turn as if he might've been ready to stand up, but Aislinn wasn't having that. Embarrassment or not, she walked over to him and took his shoulders into her hands, shaking her head at him. "You're going to stay in this bed tonight if I have to...to tie you to it." She realized the implications of that line, but it was the best she could think of. "Now lay back down or I'll get Ser Dreyan in here with some rope, and you know he's serious enough to do it."

Cullen knew she was right about that. But Dreyan's temperament wasn't the first thought on his mind. He leaned back against his pillows - which she took the time out to prop up for him, staring at her. He felt like he might've been in a dream perhaps. Any minute she'd disappear. But she'd only continued to tend to him while the words she'd said were affecting him even more so than the realization that he'd admitted his feelings for her. He couldn't help himself on that end. She wasn't only disappointed over the thought that he might leave because of some mistake, but she also felt for him in return.

Cullen wasn't completely sure at that moment if the Maker had just blessed him or cursed him, but his initial reaction was to feel almost as if a ton of bricks had dropped from his chest completely.

When she saw the look on his face after she stood back up straight, she took a breath and told him, "If you _really_ want to leave, I'll come up with a story for us to give to Mother Marleyna and have her ask about transferring you somewhere else. She doesn't need to know the real reason. There's no need for you to be tormented by something that you shouldn't have to be."

She was willing to let go of how she felt for him because she knew the situation and knew how _he_ felt about it. Apparently that was important to her, and in learning this, Cullen's feelings for her grew tenfold it felt. He had so much going through his mind just then that he didn't know where to settle, but oddly enough, he settled on the lying part. "No, I don't want to lie to the Revered Mother. Though you're right, she doesn't need to know the truth about all of this."

"Well, it's either tell her a small falsehood then, or stay here and...deal with this I suppose, if that's the case. Which do you think is the wiser choice?"

Cullen had no idea. He was more torn than he'd ever been before, and he didn't even really wish to discuss it. He was extremely thankful that she was so mature about it however because he knew he'd been very much like a boy who was wet behind the ears - and when it came to women, he _was_ one. He didn't know the first thing about women. Well, he did - mostly from the way some of the men in Kirkwall conducted themselves and what he heard when they didn't think anyone was listening - but it wasn't enough to even fill a bucket, and he wasn't even sure he _really_ wanted to leave to begin with.

So he simply said, "Leaving is the wiser choice," but his voice lacked the conviction he would've liked for it to have when he said it.

She nodded in understanding, supplying, "It's just not the emotionally satisfying one."

He looked up at her when she said that, not completely surprised that she was so astute, but he was still surprised she'd said that in particular since it was completely true, and she offered him a small smile. "You _can_ talk to me, you know. I won't shun you for anything. If you wish to leave, then that's what you'll do. If you'd rather stay and try to get along with the situation, then I'll do whatever you ask of me to make it easier on you."

Staring at her? That was his official second job from the way it seemed, unable to drag his eyes elsewhere now. But he did get out, "I'm still surprised at how you're taking this."

"Well, I'm flattered honestly," she responded, smiling more brightly over the way he was looking at her, which was as if he just couldn't believe her. "It's not the best idea to say this, but a woman would be fortunate to have the interests of someone like you, Cullen. You're a good man, noble, and you're kind." She ignored the way he seemed to flinch when she told him that, and went on to say, "But I can't step on your toes. This is honestly up to you to decide. I'll let you get some rest now so you can try to figure it all out."

Aislinn gave him a respectful nod of her head, and then turned around to go. As she headed to the door, ready to go somewhere so that she could try to work through her own feelings, she heard him saying, "I haven't been able to figure out anything about this for quite some time. I honestly don't think I'll be able to do that in one night."

She stopped close to the door and looked back at him after he'd spoken. "I get the feeling what I just told you only compounds that problem too, doesn't it?"

"It does," he replied, his voice soft and somewhat solemn.

"I'm sorry, Cullen," she almost whispered. "But maybe, if it helps, I suspected this even back in the Tower. I've never really tried to take advantage of it."

He looked over at her when she said she'd suspected it before, knowing he hadn't done the best job of completely hiding it though he'd hoped he had, and he let a sigh out. "I don't know if it will. I suppose time will tell, however."

Aislinn suddenly remembered the Lyrium in her pocket which she needed to give to him just before she'd grabbed the knob. Cullen heard her snapping her fingers and looked up to see her tugging something out of her pocket before she turned around again. "I forgot to give you something from Marleyna incase you needed it." She walked over and held the vial out to him in her hand.

When he saw it, he stared for a moment, reaching up to lift it from her hand slowly. Once he had it, she said, "Marleyna and I weren't sure when your last dose might've been and if you were needing anymore of it."

Cullen looked up at her face finally and asked, "How did you...know about this? Did she tell you?"

Aislinn tilted her head to the side briefly and said, "No, it's one of the things addressed in those letters I told you that I found in Denerim. Marleyna explained the rest to me however."

"Then you know about the addiction?"

"I do, and I also know about what happens with the withdrawal."

Cullen looked down into his hand, considering how he hadn't been quite sure if it was a fever or the Lyrium that was making him disoriented earlier, and while he knew he needed to take what was inside, or he would soon, he hesitated in that moment. Somehow, he didn't want to take it in front of Aislinn. He wasn't quite sure why either, but he simply turned the vial and lifted it over to settle on the night stand.

Emotional questions with the lady before him or not, he wanted to know what those letters said, so as he settled himself back, he requested, "Tell me what those letters said, Aislinn. I know you told me that Marleyna could explain it better, but I want to know what's going on."

Aislinn had a feeling he'd ask her, so she'd stood there in wait to see. Now that he had, she decided she really couldn't keep him in the dark anymore even if Marleyna was better at explaining it than she was.

"Alright," she agreed complacently, then settled down at the end of the mattress across from him and turned herself to face him with one leg folded beneath herself. Since Cullen was a bit closer to the center of the bed, she didn't have to worry about sitting on his feet, and she asked, "Where should I begin?"

That wasn't a difficult question, to which he replied, "Tell me why the Templars should be angry. What was the Chantry doing?"

Nodding, Aislinn looked him straight in the eye and said, "Controlling them to an extent. The Lyrium was a partial way to do that. The letters I found spoke of keeping some unruly Templars in line with the substance by giving them less than a full dose to make them more complacent when the withdrawal kicked in, and Marleyna said the seal on the letter was that of the Grand Clerics of Orlais, those just under the Divine herself. Whether or not the Divine knows about this, we're both unsure, but it was enough to suggest that there are those in high places in the Chantry that shouldn't be there."

He listened to her carefully, slowly gave her a nod, and asked, "Then Templars don't need the Lyrium at all?"

"Well, it does benefit your abilities," Aislinn confirmed. "But we've found a way to give it to the Templars without addicting them to it. That's a long story that I'll have to tell you later. For now, I'll just say that the Chantry told you there was no other way, but I don't think they really looked into it, and neither does Marleyna. It was too convenient addicting the Order to the substance to really care, I suppose."

"But not all of the Clergy knew of this," Cullen pointed out, seeing what Marleyna had meant by having a right to be angry. He looked down with a soft sigh of breath. Corruption _had_ spread into the Chantry, he realized, then asked Aislinn once the thought had settled in, "Was there anything else?"

"Yes, one more thing," she nodded. "I have a friend who helped me to figure out an easier way to get a Templar off of Lyrium than just going without. It's worked for Honnely and Dreyan, and many of the others here, though not all of them opted to take the treatment yet because they're still uncertain, and we're not forcing anyone to do something they don't want to. Besides, if we start using less Lyrium, the Chantry may become suspicious. Even though they probably don't want to question us right now since this is one of the only fully functioning Circles they have left."

Aislinn watched Cullen scoff shortly, saying, "So many of the Templars have rebelled against the Chantry already, even if they do become upset, they wouldn't be able to act, at least, not in full force."

"That's true," Aislinn replied. Seeing how he looked, she didn't hesitate, and she reached over to put her hand on his and get his attention. When she did, and he'd looked over at her, she asked him, "Are you alright? This isn't upsetting you?"

Cullen sighed softly, looking down at her hand on his. He thought about it for several moments, and she could see that he was, until she felt him turning his own hand and she looked down to watch his fingers folding over hers. It was such a simple gesture, but she liked it more than she really cared to admit. Once he'd finished the movement he said, "I'm not sure I understand why I wasn't told this to begin with, but I suppose Marleyna wanted to make sure she could trust that I wouldn't go waving any signs about, since it would cause needless trouble."

"Yes," Aislinn replied. "I would've told you myself, but I wanted to respect her wishes in waiting before presenting the facts."

He seemed to understand, still holding her hand, staring at the smaller appendage in his own and wondering over the size differences briefly before he asked, "What does the treatment to stop the addiction entail?"

"Oh, that's a longer story, I'd have to show you. When you're feeling better, I will. But in the meantime, it's just a concoction you take that helps you to slowly take less and less Lyrium until you're off of it altogether. Don't be fooled though, there are a few side effects, but I stay with those going through it to make sure they're fine whenever they elect to."

He was silent for a moment, and then admitted, "I wouldn't want anyone else to."

Aislinn tried not to smile, but she couldn't help it, looking back down at their hands. After a moment of quiet thought while Cullen watched her, wondering if he'd overreacted to his spilled secret earlier as he was really starting to think that he had, she said as if her mind had gone to the same place, "I know that leaving here is the logical thing to do, Cullen, because it's not so practical for you to have these kinds of feelings, especially for a mage of all things. Maker knows if I could change that for you, I would." She took a breath and added then, "But there's some real benefit to being here too. At least long enough to get rid of the addiction. I don't really have a place to ask, but...I'd like for you to consider it."

She looked back up at him, and their eyes locked for a moment. Cullen slowly gave her a nod of his head without needing to think about it, saying, "I will. I need to speak with Marleyna about it first however."

"You should," Aislinn replied in agreement. Then she began to say more, but instead, she just let a sigh out. "You should get some rest. Things might make more sense when you're not so worn down. It's easy to see how tired you are."

She went to slowly pull her hand from his, and he let go of it, watching them separate without looking back at her when he felt her weight lift from the bed. As she stood and then turned to head to the door, she said, "Goodnight, Cullen. If you start to feel sick, get someone and tell them, please."

He was quiet as she went, and she didn't look back, knowing this needed time if anything at all. Reaching out to take the doorknob however, she heard him asking her name, and she stopped, replying with a simple, "Hmm?"

"It's never made much sense to me," he said softly, "the way I've always felt for you. I doubt it will be anymore clear come morning either. But I do know that, were things different, were it acceptable for a Templar to harbor feelings for a mage," he paused, and finally, when she'd looked over her shoulder at him, he said, "I can't say you'd be leaving right now for certain."

She knew that had to be hard for him to say. It made her smile though, to think that regardless of his confusion, he would've sought something with her if it had been acceptable, and she could only give an honest reply.

"If it were acceptable, I _wouldn't_ be leaving right now, Ser, I can promise you that much." She got him to twitch with those words, and then grabbed the doorknob with a grin on her face, saying, "Sleep well, Knight Commander," and opened the door and stepped out.

Once the door was shut, Cullen let out a sigh of breath and closed his eyes. He started to prepare himself for what he figured would be a sleepless night to come. She _wouldn't_ be leaving were it acceptable, she'd said. The thought sent his mind in so many different directions - including less proper ones - that he wasn't sure which way was up. Having the thought of her sleeping next to him soundly where now there was an empty spot in his bed was one that had always made him wish for something he knew better than to wish for because it hurt too much not to have it.

Rolling over and seeing her there whenever he woke, holding her for no other reason than _he could_ whenever he wanted to, stroking her hair if he couldn't sleep, feeling her warmth, and smelling her perfume were such simple things, but the thoughts of them had never been ones he allowed himself to have much before. Even now, he warned himself not to think about it.

But somehow, now, it felt different in a way. Now he knew the truth, that she was fond of him, had even said it was nearly impossible for her _not_ to like him. She knew the truth of his feelings as well, and she hadn't shunned him for it, possibly his greatest fear of all being that she would if she were ever to find out. Maybe it was that knowledge that made it feel a little safer for him to do some wishful thinking, to really let himself consider what it would be like with no guilt attached, and though he felt the same kind of longing he had before, it didn't hurt quite as much knowing what he did now, knowing that she...had accepted it.

It felt relaxing instead. Somehow, it even felt right. Cullen fell asleep fast thinking about it, and had a good night of sleep when he did. That surprised him, but it was a pleasant surprise.

Maybe he should've just admitted his feelings to her years ago after all.


	20. Humility

_XX. Humility_

The Revered Mother's chambers were located in the back of the atrium the Chantry sported. It was a day after the incident with the Templars from Kirkwall, and the older woman was sitting at her desk, dipping the tip of a feathered pen into an ink well to pick up the black liquid before putting it to a parchment scroll. On her face was a pair of spectacles to help herself to be able to see the words easier, her face more upwards while her eyes pointed downwards to see through the lenses.

As she formed the letters, a knock came to her door, and she finished writing out a word onto the paper and spoke, "Enter," without looking up, then moved her hand to write the next line out in her letter to the Grand Cleric of Denerim. As the door opened, she glanced up to see one of the Sisters standing there, saying to her, "Forgive the interruption, Revered Mother, Knight Commander Cullen is requesting an audience."

"Oh, please, send him in," Marleyna replied, watching the Sister nod her head and turn to go. She stared at her paper in thought while waiting for her visitor. Marleyna knew Cullen would be coming to see her soon, and they had much to discuss. Not too much time passed, and the door opened again, allowing Cullen into the room, properly in uniform denoting he was recovered from the attack, and he shut the door behind himself.

"Revered Mother," he greeted, taking a respectful stance by bowing as most did when in the woman's presence.

"Knight Commander, it's good to see you well. Please, have a seat," she replied, and once Cullen was moving to sit, she asked, "What's a good word that describes a successful situation, Ser?"

Cullen stopped moving, halfway settled in his chair when she'd asked, and then sat the rest of the way down while thinking. "Auspicious," he supplied.

"Oh, that's a good one," she said, spelling it out loud so she could get it right in her head, putting it down onto the paper afterwards, and finished out the rest of her written line. Cullen watched her without interfering, taking the time to make sure he had everything right in his head that he'd come here for, when Marleyna put the pen back into the ink well and lightly blew on the paper to make it dry quicker.

"I apologize," she said, turning in her seat to face him more evenly once she was done. "I was busy writing to the Grand Cleric in Denerim. She's been very punctual about requesting information on the progression of this Circle, it's become a routine basis that I receive word from her as well as send correspondence each week."

"No need to apologize," he told her, "I'm the one intruding."

"Perhaps not as much as you think. It was _you_ she requested more information about. She wants to know your opinions and how you're settling in."

Cullen hadn't expected that completely, saying, "Oh, I see. Has she been pleased with what you're sending to her?"

Marleyna gave a small smile, pulled her spectacles from her face before folding them in her hands and asking in return, "Have you ever met Grand Cleric Betisia?"

"No, I haven't," he admitted. "I've heard of her however."

With a nod, Marleyna answered his question by saying, "Well, in that case, it's hard to tell what's pleasing to her. She's a critical woman, studied for three years when she was younger under the Divine herself at the Grand Cathedral in Orlais, where she's from, and has a standard quite a few can afford to have without appearing to be a hypocrite themselves. She's a good woman, I've known her quite a long time, and she's thorough. Word of advice, if ever you meet her, put every bit of knowledge you have concerning the Chantry, Andraste, and our Maker to use, because she'll use it all up, and then find things you didn't even think about to snag you with."

She sounded a bit too strict to really like what was going on in Morsfeld then, Cullen decided, but he didn't make a comment. Instead, he told Marleyna, "I'll remember this."

Marleyna smiled, nodded, then she settled back in her chair, tugging the sleeves of her black and red Chantry robes down to smooth them out before she asked, "So, what is it that brings you here today, child? Nothing drastic I hope, though we do need to do some talking. Are you feeling better, by the way? That incident was worrisome."

"Much better, yes, thank you for asking," Cullen replied, then paused so he could think of how he wanted to answer her precisely. "The matter isn't drastic, but it's somewhat important. I...," he paused, pushing the words out of himself, "came to request a transfer to another post."

It wasn't quick, but the Revered Mother's brows rose up over her eyes as she threaded her fingers together and leaned forward on her arms. "I see. Did you have a specific place in mind that you wished to look into being stationed at? I doubt it's the Tower beckoning you back."

"No," he replied without any lack of conviction as the Tower was the last place he'd ever want to go again. He still had nightmares about being trapped in the chamber to that day. "It's not that. I don't have a specific place in mind. I simply wanted to put in the request." _And I don't even know if I want to take anything that comes up_.

"I see," Marleyna replied with a nod of her silvery head of hair. "I'm certain you know this, but if I _do_ transfer you, you'll lose your rank of Commander within the Order, though it wouldn't be hard to reacquire with some time given, granted the Order doesn't completely fall away from the Chantry to begin with."

"I realize this, Revered Mother, but I feel it's a necessary action."

Marleyna was nodding, but she looked to be sizing him up with her light blue eyes. Cullen briefly wondered if she was going to begin interrogating him, but she said instead, "You've struck me since I met you as a man who's steadfast and always strives to make informed actions and decisions regardless of his personal viewpoints, so I'll trust that your instinct in this matter is true. However, I'd like to know if perhaps this may be because of your opinions on how to handle mages that's making you request this? Something's making me doubt that in specific."

Cullen knew that she would ask something along those lines, so he told her, "I do not feel specifically challenged in performing my duties because of the things being done here, no. I'm aware of what's being accomplished, and it's not my reasoning for this request."

Marleyna listened to him and then waved her hand briefly, her next question asked unobtrusively, "Might I inquire if you'd tell me then what your reasoning is?"

She was giving him a choice to speak or not to speak on it, which Cullen appreciated. So he told her, "It's a personal issue I feel may end up jeopardizing my performance here."

"Your performance as Knight Commander, or simply as a Templar?"

"Both," he replied honestly.

"Ah, then that _is_ an issue that needs resolving. Many have such requests, and forgive my old lady nosiness, but you were doing so well so far that I'm saddened to hear that you feel the need to leave."

Cullen was immensely glad for her reasoning and understanding, feeling a good bit sad about asking for this himself. He actually felt bad for not discussing his problem with her in full as well, but he almost felt as if he couldn't even discuss it with himself, so he stayed quiet over it and only gave her a grateful nod. "Thank you, Revered Mother. I'm grateful for your understanding in this matter. If I thought there was another way, I wouldn't put in the request, but I see no other way around it."

"Mmm," Marleyna drew out as she'd looked back at her parchment and seemed to consider the words he'd spoken. "Have you discussed the issue with anyone? Sought out any kind of guidance at all?"

"Only with the Maker, but I remain confused."

"Well, he often leaves things up to us to prove our worth in matters," she spoke wisely, looking back over at him. "If you see fit, perhaps you'd discuss the matter with me, or another in our Chantry you feel more comfortable with speaking to. I can have the request put in for you in the meantime, but it may take a few weeks for an opening to come up. Hopefully you'll be able to maintain your duties until then?"

"I will be vigilant in them," he said certainly. "I would also feel that you would be the best person to speak with on this issue if I sought out guidance."

"Well, that's a relief," Marleyna said, smiling. "I was hoping you didn't think me for an unrealistic idealist as so many do." She then tilted her head and eyed him thoughtfully, taking in his dedication to his duty and apparently to his Maker, mentioning it to him after she'd thought it all over. "I know you have unshakeable faith in our Maker, Cullen, and it's something I wished I saw more often. I don't mean to be presumptuous, however, but I also wonder if that faith has led you to believe that He alone will offer you the guidance you need, and that may be why you haven't spoken with anyone else."

"I," Cullen started, then took in a deep breath, looking down for a moment. "No, I'm simply troubled, and I haven't felt it was a proper situation to discuss. I also felt it was my own burden to bear, and harmed no others to leave them ignorant of."

Marleyna had placed her hand under her chin, rubbing it in her thumb and forefinger thoughtfully while he spoke. To her, it sounded like a matter of emotion, not a problem she'd never encountered before, so she told him, "You realize I've been around for a long time, child. You likely couldn't tell me anything I haven't heard before. I don't want to push, but I am concerned, and what you tell me stays with me and the Maker."

"I do realize that," he nodded, glancing up at her to see her kind face regarding him with concern while she was offering him a generous ear to allow him to speak to if he so chose it. Cullen let a sigh, having always accepted reprimand when it was due, but he'd always feared getting it for this, probably because a part of himself wanted to cling to it because he wanted it without reasonable thought.

With a sigh, Cullen said, "I have...developed strong feelings...for someone. It's not the easiest thing to cope with."

Marleyna didn't give much of a response, proving that she had either heard that several times, or she simply wasn't amused by what he'd just told her. She proved it to be the prior however when she said, "This happens to a great many within the Order, you'd probably be surprised over it. Your feelings must run deep if you fear they'll interfere with your duty."

"They do, otherwise I could handle them without worry."

Marleyna smiled, and it was almost a humored smile that said she was amused by what he'd just told her, settling herself back with a soft sigh, crossing her hands over her upper abdomen. "I remember when I was much younger, a Sister in the Chantry of Denerim. There was a Templar in training who'd caught my eye at the monastery where I was studying."

Now _this_ was something Cullen _hadn't_ expected to hear, but he found himself paying close attention, perhaps because it was a story that sounded like a similar situation to his own.

She continued, saying, "I was star struck honestly, and fighting it every moment of the way. I had dedicated myself to duty and to the Maker however, and that came first. But in my rest time, I thought about him, even spoke to him on several occasions. He was a kind man, his views similar to mine, and that was the part I couldn't get over. After a time, he left, and I wrote to him sometimes, we'd been good friends even before I came to be so fond of him. Eventually though, he was killed by a blood mage, and my heart was broken completely."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Cullen told her earnestly. Aside from that, he wasn't certain what he should say.

Marleyna softly snorted through her nose and said, "Had it been years ago now, I would have thanked you for your concern, even cried. Now, I find myself personally too bitter over lost chances to be sorry for it."

Even more surprise. Cullen was uncertain whether she was making this up or not now, so he asked her, "You're joking?"

"No, I'm quite serious," she nodded her head, her expression one of sentimentality as she thought over her memories. "For a long time, I wondered why I had to ever even know him if things weren't meant to be. Though I did realize that, had I never known him, I never would have known what it was like to feel for another person in such a manner, something I'm grateful for."

"But you said you were bitter."

"I am to an extent. Though not with the Maker. I know His purpose for the matter, and I can definitely accept it. My bitterness is with myself for not acting on it sooner, so that maybe I would have at least had a chance to tell him how I felt. It's one of my deepest regrets. I can only hope that, should I come to be at the Maker's side, perhaps I'll see him there, and be able to tell him. But, as you can see, all of us have this come up from time to time. No one is immune, and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. If we didn't have emotion and didn't care for one another, the way I figure it, we'd be no greater than animals. It's part of what makes us human."

"That is...comforting to know," Cullen admitted.

"Not completely enlightening though," Marleyna chuckled out as if to finish his sentence for him. Following that, she mentioned, "There's the option of having a courtship sanctioned. Had you given that thought?"

"Much," he replied, remembering nights where he'd dreamt of that kind of thing. "It's...difficult to imagine anything would be possible."

"Well, in that case," Marleyna told him, "I'll respect your wishes, but I do hesitate to request you be transferred for the reasons you were sent here. The Grand Cleric won't be pleased to hear that you're leaving because she thinks your viewpoints are needed here. Not to mention, there's something we've yet to speak of that I think you should know about before I went sending you off to other places all willy nilly. It's something I would also like you to know as a friend."

Cullen knew where this was going, and it was something he'd wanted to discuss with her as well, after he'd asked about the transfer. So he informed her, "Aislinn mentioned the Lyrium to me when I woke up last night. She also told me some of what the letters stated when I asked her."

"That's good, I'm glad she did. I have to apologize personally for not telling you when you arrived, but the information in those letters is enough to have someone killed in the eyes of the less scrupulous, and I have a responsibility to make sure the people here who know the truth of them are protected, so I don't pass the information out lightly."

That was very understandable. "Who _does_ know the truth of them?," Cullen asked her curiously.

"Every Templar in the service of this Circle now. We've finally been able to pass the message along to all ninety of your men, including the postmen you arrived here with. When you'd gone to hunt those mages down, we informed them of the matters."

"None of them have rebelled because of it?"

"No," she shook her head. "I'm very glad to say, they've decided to continue serving their posts here. Many of them are angry with the Chantry however, and I told Honnely I felt guilty for continuing to assume the role I do with them despite knowing what I do in how they were wronged. I feel they have every right to blame me along with the rest of the Chantry I am supposed to represent."

Cullen thought about that, figuring he was able to make sense of the words. Slowly nodding, he said, "I can see how that would be problematic. But Aislinn said you've gotten several off of their addiction to Lyrium as well."

"We've done what we can," Marleyna nodded.

"Then I'm certain those men are grateful to you, not angry."

"Well, it's not me they should be thanking. I'd prefer their thanks go to the Maker. But, if a person, then Aislinn and Melrath should gain the credit."

"Melrath?," Cullen asked.

"Yes, you'll meet him eventually, I'm certain. He's the one who came up with the method of getting the Templars off of Lyrium more safely, and the method of administering it without causing an addiction. He's very clever."

Cullen briefly wondered who Melrath might be and why Aislinn hadn't mentioned him before, but like Marleyna said, he'd eventually find out, so for now, he continued with the conversation. "Aislinn did ask me to," Cullen stopped himself, realizing he was about to say _stay at the Circle long enough to try to get off of the Lyrium_, but that would have told Marleyna all she needed to know about his problem and reason for asking to leave if Aislinn already knew about his request for departure. So instead, he said, "Look into it whenever I was feeling better."

Marleyna smiled slowly, giving him the feeling that she already knew about who his feelings were for, as if she'd pieced it together from everything being said. "You know what's strange?," she asked suddenly. When Cullen shook his head no, she went on, "I've never once seen Aislinn in prayer, never heard her asking for one either, nor has she ever come to me or any other in the Chantry for a blessing. But she came in this morning and went right over to one of the alters and began to kneel. I was so curious, along with the Sisters there, that we waited until she was done to ask her what prompted the sudden show of faith. She told me she had to say a prayer of thanks that everything went well for you and the other Templars because she'd been worried."

That told Cullen one simple thing about Marleyna. She knew. Cullen could simply sense it, but should he risk asking? Before he got a chance to make up his mind, Marleyna asked him a question instead. "Does Aislinn know you're asking to be transferred?"

"Ah...yes. She does," he nodded, admitting it to her finally. But he didn't feel badly for it whatsoever for some strange reason. Perhaps it was Marleyna's understanding, and her lack of reprimand, but it helped him to go even further. "She said she...doesn't want me to stay where I'm uncomfortable, that a transfer would be logical."

"How does she feel about it personally?"

"She wants me to stay," Cullen told her flatly, as if he were uncertain it was a good idea. Marleyna let him continue as he glanced away and took a breath. "It's been a long time since I...started feeling this way about her, since we met when I was posted at Kinloch Hold. I had hoped serving in Kirkwall so far away would quell the feelings, but coming back here seems to have simply restarted it, or just reminded me. Had I known she was the First Enchanter when I took the post here, I wouldn't have accepted it. Oddly enough, they told me Uwen was the superior here. I'd no idea she was even in this Circle."

Marleyna had slowly began to smile while he told her this, asking when he was done, "And do you _want_ to leave now?"

"Honestly, no. I don't _want_ to leave." With a sigh of conviction, he lifted his head and said, "I simply think I need to."

After a few moments of thought, she waved a hand at him and said, "Well, it looks like we've all been keeping things from one another then. I myself feel better now that my part of it is out in the open, though I'd like to ask you to read the letters from Denerim for yourself so you can have a better understanding of things. One thing at a time for now though. I've made my decision on your request to be transferred, and I want you to understand my reasoning as well before I tell you the answer."

"What is it?," he asked her curiously.

Marleyna didn't mince her words, speaking clearly when she began with, "The Chantry doesn't like the Templars to have dependants when their lives may be uprooted and those dependants left behind indefinitely, which you know well is one of their reasonings for disallowing relationships so often within the Order. These dependants could also provide a measure of leverage for an enemy to hold over our Templars. So this is of course something to be seriously considered by any Templar who might find himself in your position."

Once that had been said, Marleyna turned her blue eyed gaze back up at him and added the words, "But ultimately, your duty is to the Maker, not to the Chantry, child, and certainly not to me. In that regard, the Maker holds it important that we care for ourselves and what he's given us. This should not only mean that we make sure we have physical health, but mental, spiritual, and emotional health as well. Since I'm unconvinced you've done that, not to mention you wanted to know more about the Lyrium, so you'll need a little time to take care of that as well, I won't be sending in the transfer request to the Grand Cleric until I'm sure these things are taken care of."

Cullen had to admit that he hadn't considered the care expected to be taken of oneself being important to the Maker in that fashion before. It made sense however that it should be like that, and on an emotional level, Cullen knew he wasn't as healthy as he should be. His emotions had been painful to him, and caused him to even become bitter to an extent, just as Marleyna had. Aside from this, there _was_ the Lyrium issue to be tackled like she'd mentioned, and to top it all off, the Grand Cleric wanted Cullen there for a reason, which wouldn't make a transfer easy to begin with, especially not without convincing Marleyna.

So he knew Marleyna had every right to deny him a transfer until she was certain he'd gotten things taken care of. He would have to handle this, though he wasn't sure quite where to start. But the one thing he did know was that it certainly put his mind to ease when it came to thinking he should leave but not feeling that he wanted to.

He couldn't be more grateful to her for it.

"Yes, Your Grace," he told her with an understanding nod of his head.

"I'm glad you understand my reason," she stated and smiled when he said that. "As for personal matters, where it concerns Aislinn, I see no real reason the two of you shouldn't talk. I understand the way most of the world looks at these things, that it would be a struggle, especially with the problems going on now, and honestly, with matters of this Circle involved, I would really have to consider the fact that you're the Knight Commander and she's the First Enchanter before I made an official sanction. Despite the fact that I personally believe you should be free to socialize with whomever you wish, things are so tight laced at the moment that any weaving done has to be performed with care. So I'd suggest you take your time, perhaps while trying to come off of the Lyrium if that is your wish, to see where you feel you should honestly be standing in regards to her."

Cullen listened, then asked her curiously, "You mean to speak with Aislinn about things?"

"Yes, that is precisely what I mean."

"I don't even know what I would say to her," Cullen drew out, looking down in thought. "I've spent so long avoiding it that it's become natural to me."

"Then go to her when you leave here and don't put it off. I know you're not on duty right now, otherwise you wouldn't have come to speak with me, so taking care of it sooner rather than later would be best."

"I'll consider it," he told her simply, then went on to ask, "but for now, would you like for me to read those letters?"

"If that is your wish, certainly." She stood up from her seat when he mentioned it and turned to walk over to a cabinet in the room while tugging a chain that was around her neck out of the collar of her Chantry robes. On the end of the necklace was a key, and she unlocked a small door located inside of the cabinet she'd walked over to where she tugged out two rolled up papers that looked to be a bit aged. From there, she shut the door again and walked over to Cullen, handing them to him before settling down beside of him instead of behind her desk once again.

Cullen took the papers into his hand while Marleyna said, "I can't tell you how upset I was when I read them after Aislinn decided to trust me with them. There is so much wrong I've thought of since then that I had to redefine up and down, left and right, and somehow get back to the center again. While I don't feel they are life shattering transgressions, I do believe they show that the Chantry needs to redefine many of its practices as a whole. Such a thing, questioning its foundation, is not something to be taken lightly."

Cullen understood what she meant, which was to say that the Chantry wasn't at a complete and total loss, it just needed to improve itself and there were many who wouldn't agree and resist. He opened the letters however and began to go over them. The second of them was unfinished, had probably been in the process of being written when word came to Denerim that the Darkspawn were approaching, and Cullen everything in them both.

Marleyna was quite as he did so, watching his expression turn to one that was more angry over time, just as most of the Templars she'd allowed to read them had. Finally, he lowered his hands and took a breath.

He wasn't sure what to think specifically, but he did know that Marleyna was right in being careful about who she showed these to. Finally, he said, "The worst part of this is that not all of the Clergy would do such things, but were these words to ever get out, people would blame all of you."

"That's what Honnely said. I myself can swear up and down until I'm blue in the face that I had no idea, but that doesn't mean an angry man would listen. Then I have to worry over the men I have here who know the truth, many of which offered to swear not to speak a word of it to anyone outside of this Circle without permission. I told them I had enough faith in them that I didn't need some kind of oath, but they swore it anyway, which only makes me want to protect them even more."

For once, Cullen could see the real struggles that Marleyna had to contend with, and the fact that she'd been able to help so many of the Templars, even if the rest of the Chantry didn't know about it, was miraculous to him. She was humble about it as well, had said she wanted all thanks to go to the Maker, telling Cullen all that he needed to know about the woman seated across from him now. She was no idealist, nor a radical to Chantry policies. She was simply a concerned Mother with real problems who wanted to do things right.

"I know why they would offer you such a thing," Cullen told her in earnest once he was done thinking. "You say you have faith that we will do the right thing with the knowledge you give us for the same reason you don't make the Knights come to receive Lyrium with their blessings."

"Yes, it's not faith if it is demanded."

"And I vow," he said in serious response, "to never speak a word of this to continue protecting those who know the truth until a situation arises that more can be enlightened. Not to you, but I vow this to the Maker."

That made Marleyna smile brightly at him, showing that she liked how he'd said it. "_That's_ what I like to hear. I'm a mere guide of His will, not He Himself. I will pray that we all manage to attain our goals, and that when the trouble brewing comes our way, we'll be wise enough to make the right choices."

Cullen knew that he couldn't just leave now. The things here were simply too important to let go, and Marleyna was right. It wasn't easy to reason with an angry man. Nearly a hundred Templars served in the Morsfeld Circle, and there were close to eighty mages which those Templars warded. Those were all people, lives that didn't need to be lost because of a misunderstanding or because of petty hate, no matter the things that had happened in the past. Yes, he had convictions he knew he needed to follow, but there was a bigger picture that, if done wrong, made all of the smaller things inconsequential.

So he told the Revered Mother, "I'll certainly try to do my best."

"I know you will," Marleyna replied with confidence. Then she sat back and changed the subject slightly, reminding him, "If you want to meet Melrath, by the way, you'll have to speak to Aislinn or Uwen. They'll take you to him. For now though, you should go and speak with the First Enchanter."

"Thank you," he replied in earnest, then handed her the letters and stood, gave her the proper respect, and turned to go to the door. Just as his hand had reached the knob, he heard his name coming from her and he looked back at her.

"Would you mind doing me a favor, Ser Cullen?"

"Anything, your grace."

"When you speak with Aislinn, tell her something for me."

"What's that?"

"Tell her I said she's a lucky one," the Revered Mother grinned.

The look on his face, Marleyna thought, was priceless, and as soon as he turned and left her study, she couldn't help but chuckle softly. Whatever happened, she hoped things worked well for the two of them, standing to return to her desk so that she could finish writing her letter to the Grand Cleric in Denerim. She felt it safe to report to the woman that the new Knight Commander was settling in well indeed, and that she personally got the feeling he may stay at the Circle of Morsfeld for a long time to come.


	21. Lost in the Moment

_XXI. Lost in the Moment_

Aislinn was in her chambers, reading a book, when she heard a knock coming to her door. It was starting to get late in the evening by that time, a fire going in her hearth, and she was settling after completely all of her tasks for that day. Aislinn's chambers were decorated with quite a few odds and inns she'd picked up since she left the tower, mostly when she'd been working for the noble family tryin to keep the Arl's mother in good health, but it wasn't extravagant like many rooms in the manor were. Aislinn liked her simplicity after all.

She'd spent the day that day thinking about several things, not just those between herself and the Knight Commander despite the fact that things had changed between them recently. She'd been considering her position in the Circle, the way things were going in the world, and the kinds of things that needed to be done to make it all better. So much at once started seeming hopeless, so she'd sat down in her chambers when she'd gotten her work for the day done and began to read to try to get her mind off of it.

Instead of focusing on the reading, however, her mind kept going back to the night before and to the things she and Cullen had said to one another. She'd told him she couldn't step on his toes and that leaving was his decision. That was completely true, but she hated that truth. She wanted him to stay, wanted to find some way to work through their problems, but she knew that even in thinking that, she was more than likely setting herself up for a fall.

Besides, he still had trouble with mages. She knew he didn't hate them, he simply wasn't fond of them, though he hadn't let that bias completely color his perceptions. He'd been willing to look on this Circle and they way it functioned and give it time before he developed a proper opinion of it, so that wasn't a completely huge issue. Still, to her, she felt like it was going to be in the way.

When the unexpected knock came to her door, she pushed all of that out of her mind and looked up, saying, "Come in," and then glanced back to see who might come to see her. Surprisingly, since she she'd just been considering him and also thought he'd be avoiding her like the plague, it was Cullen. She couldn't help but stare at him for a moment before she closed her book and put it on the table next to her chair.

"Cullen?"

She stood up, getting the feeling he probably wasn't going to stay for long, and watched him turning around to face her. Hesitantly, he said, "Yes," and then went on, "I hope I'm...not interrupting anything."

"I was just reading an old book," she told him with a little shrug, "nothing special."

Cullen stood there quietly, managing a nod of his head before becoming lost for a moment. Aislinn waited patiently while he seemed to get his thoughts together, and she finally waved a hand and asked, "Is everything alright? You're still feeling well?"

Cullen still didn't speak. His words had gotten caught in his throat. There were so many things he wanted to say and he didn't know which one to start on. But he finally managed to answer her question first, and that got the ball rolling. "Yes, I'm fine...Ai-Aislinn. I wanted to...uh...come and tell you that I asked Marleyna for a transfer."

Aislinn was quiet, knowing he would have, but that still didn't make it hurt any less. Even still, she nodded her head, saying, "Good," after a moment, and asked, "How did it go?"

"We had a talk about it."

"Oh," she said as casually as she could muster, not knowing what else to ask. Why did she suddenly feel like crying? She rarely ever cried, and kicked herself for it mentally. Of course, this wasn't either of their faults, so she couldn't blame anyone for it either. "Uh, how much longer will you be here then?"

Cullen blinked, realizing he'd forgotten to tell her what Marleyna had said. "Oh, she...denied it for now. I'm not...being transferred yet. At least, not until certain things have been remedied. She also doesn't think the Grand Cleric would be too accepting of such a thing just yet."

"I see," Aislinn told him, unable to help but realize that made her feel much better. Still, he might just decide to go anyway, and it was hard to think about. Whatever it was Marleyna wanted him to remedy, he might just do that and then she'd never see him again anyway.

But she could handle a delay, or at least, she hoped so.

Cullen was having trouble, but not for the reasons he thought he would. It wasn't because she looked so nice with her hair hanging freely in long copper waves, or the fact that the baby blue color of her robes looked very nice on her. Instead, she wasn't showing it, but he could see on her face that she was holding herself together for some reason, trying to keep from having some kind of emotional outburst in front of him perhaps. Taking in his breath, he got out on a somewhat raspy tone, "I wanted t-to...come and ask you...to d-dinner...uh...if you'd like."

The question took her by surprise. Raising her brows at him, she forgot about her concerns for a moment and asked, "Dinner?"

"Y-yes...unless you feel that's...not acceptable. I'll understand." He wouldn't, but he'd let her say so if she wished.

Aislinn didn't say anything though. She just stood there, giving him a perplexed look. Doubtful for what he'd just done, Cullen couldn't help but say, "I'm not any good at this. I shouldn't have asked. But...," he looked back up and explained, "the Revered Mother suggested some things that made a lot of sense. I thought maybe...uh...dinner might be...a good way to talk about it. It was a bad idea to ask for that, though. I'll leave you to your–," and stopped when she interrupted him as he'd tried to take the doorknob to go.

"No," Aislinn shook her head, walking over to put her hand on the door and keep him from opening it, coming up next to him in the process. She looked up at him and shook her head, saying, "It's not a bad idea. I was just surprised. I didn't expect you to ask that question." She smiled at him warmly after she told him that to reassure him.

_Maker, how does she do that?_ Cullen couldn't figure out how a simple smile could make him forget whatever it was he'd been thinking about, staring at her blankly as she stood there not two feet from him, and he barely heard her when she asked, "What kinds of things did you need to talk about?"

Getting the question right in his head, he said, "Oh, well, the same things we'd discussed...last night mostly."

So it was about _them_ in a sense. She got the feeling he'd meant it as a romantic gesture now that she understood more of this, wondering briefly just what he might've told Marleyna to make the woman suggest talking. Had he mentioned his feelings for her? So she asked, "Did you tell the Revered Mother everything then?"

"Most of it, but she seemed to pick up on it herself beforehand."

Aislinn couldn't help but smirk slightly, "That sounds like her." The woman could be astute, after all. It didn't surprise her to hear that Marleyna had suggested they talk either. A thought she had only made her smile fade before she asked Cullen however, "But are you certain you'd really like to have dinner with _me_?"

Cullen looked confused when she asked that, so she added the words, "I'm a mage. Are you sure that's what you really want?"

Now he saw what she meant. Yes, she was a mage, a thought that, for a short while, made Cullen angry with himself. He'd become infatuated with a mage of all things, and after what happened in the Tower, he'd realized just how dangerous that could have been had something come out of it. But over time, a bit of his former mentality on the issue had seemed to implement itself with the new, and he realized that she wasn't like the others, that it wasn't so bad that he'd become infatuated with her, and he became angry with himself for having simply cast her to the side even though she'd never given him a reason to doubt her.

Still, he had to say, as plainly as he could considering he just wanted to stare at her in those few moments, "Well, I'm a Templar...and you just said it was a...good idea. Can't I accept just as easily as you?"

Aislinn wasn't sure if that was a completely thorough answer, but it worked for now, and so she nodded her head. "Then I wouldn't mind having dinner to talk about things. That would be nice."

He was still staring at her blankly, as if he'd just gotten completely lost, a look that made her smile again. He looked as if he were keeping himself in check, trying to hold onto some kind of control, and she decided to lean up slowly. Cullen didn't even realize it until she was much closer, and he backed up a bit, making it harder for her to reach him to kiss him as she'd intended to do.

Aislinn stopped when he moved and bit her lip to keep from grinning, raising her gaze to his eyes. She hoped she hadn't made him uncomfortable, saying softly, "You need to lean just a bit, you're too tall for me you know?"

When he didn't move, she reached up her hands to place against his cheeks and pulled him down slowly, her eyes closing as she pressed a very simple kiss to his lips before he could react or pull away. The entire time, he stared at her, his eyes expressing his bewilderment easily, until they slowly fell shut after a moment of time, unable to fight the pull he felt as he finally leaned into the kiss. It wasn't what he thought it would be. Instead, he couldn't think at all, he only felt, and it was a wonderful type of sensation to have.

Too wonderful to be real actually. Or maybe it wasn't. He didn't know.

This was something he'd wanted to do for a long time now, and he almost didn't think it was real, but he didn't want it to end. He thought she was about to stop as well, but she only broke the kiss to press her lips back to his in a slow brush across them a second time, her hands still on his cheeks. He forgot everything else in the world when she did that, the sensations drowning everything else out to the point that when the kiss ended, he just lingered right where he was, his breathing slow and his face serenely euphoric.

Aislinn opened her eyes to see this, smiling in a daze over how he looked and the fluttering she felt in her stomach before she whispered, "I liked that."

Finally, he opened his own eyes when she spoke and looked down into hers, giving her a silent nod without even thinking about it. Aislinn had already made up her mind before that it was impossible for him to get any cuter, but he'd just proved her completely wrong.

Cullen was absolutely speechless and thoughtless. He couldn't stop staring at her, his eyes wandering to her lips in specific, and when they did, something in him just broke. He damned the consequences, or just didn't think about them at all. Before Aislinn knew it, he'd leaned down and kissed her again, much more urgently than before, and she felt like she'd been hit with a bolt of lightening, grabbing him just to steady herself alone. As soon as she did that, she felt him pulling her in, and she let a soft gasp from her throat over the way he'd lost himself, kissing him back just as urgently as her emotions took over.

The sound she'd made drew thought into Cullen's head however, and everything came to a screeching halt for him suddenly. Embarrassment flooded him, and he broke his mouth from hers, ready to apologize for overstepping his boundaries, but no sooner than he'd tried to speak, she'd leaned up and covered his mouth with hers again, sweeping her tongue against his lips. That made him completely forget whatever he'd been about to say, not even realizing how strong a grip he had around her sides as he tried to keep up with the kiss, his lips parting against hers, their tongues meeting for the first time.

It was a desperate kiss on both their parts, and the first time he'd ever kissed like that as well, but it felt natural, following suit to what she was doing with her tongue against his, stroking it back and forth, which only served to draw a fire through him he hadn't completely expected. The heat he felt drew a groan from his throat, and the sound made Aislinn melt to hear that kind of enjoyment coming out of him. Both of them got lost in that moment, one only existing for the other, seemingly unable to get enough.

Finally, Aislinn thought about how he might still leave the Circle because of this, because of the difficulties, and it hurt her so much that she couldn't help herself from breaking away before turning her head to kiss the stubble lining his jaw, up toward his ear while tightening her grip against him as if to keep him right where he was while she whispered without thought, "Please don't leave, Cullen."

She sounded desperate, like she needed him more than she'd yet admitted, and something in those words and the way she'd held tight to him made reality crash into Cullen like a boulder. Hearing her begging him to stay regardless of what happened caused him to ache all over, and Cullen's grip on her tightened to the point that he thought he might absorb her into himself. His hands had splayed themselves across her back and above her shoulder, as if promising her without words that he wouldn't ever go anywhere else.

Before he could even consider how it made him feel to hear her asking him that however, she added, "I know it's selfish of me to ask that, I'm sorry. I spoke without thinking."

Cullen couldn't say anything yet. He was too lost in that moment. He wanted to stay with her more than anything in the world, couldn't even imagine taking another post if she wasn't there, and he finally opened his eyes while taking in a deep breathe for the first time in what felt like hours. He realized then how tightly he'd been holding her, knew he was likely crushing her, but for the life of him he couldn't make himself relax his grip, almost as if he were afraid this would all turn out to be another dream if he did.

Instead, he considered what she'd asked him to do, and realized she was still under the assumption that he was going to be moving on once everything here was done. So he forced himself to relax his arms around her, saying in the process, "No...I'm n-not..." When she'd moved back a bit and he could see her face he stopped himself.

Stuttering again. His eyes closed and he let out a low sigh of breath over the thought. Finally, he told her more sincerely, "I'm not going to leave." His eyes opened again, and he looked down at her. "But I want this to be right if anything at all. I...love you." That was the hard part, but once the words were out, he continued more easily, "I always have. You mean too much to me to make a mistake. But don't apologize because you don't want me to go." Turning his head to the side, he admitted, "You have no idea how those words you spoke make me feel."

Aislinn watched him while he said this, her heart fluttering a bit over the things he'd said, and she leaned her head a bit when he'd looked down to try to catch his gaze with hers again, saying, "Hearing you saying what you just did makes me feel the same way, and I understand wanting to do this right. I want it to be right too."

His eyes searched hers briefly before he sighed out, "I feel as if I'm off to a bad start though."

"Why is that?"

"I shouldn't have kissed you like that."

Aislinn was a little confused now. "You didn't...like it?," she asked curiously.

He shook his head, "It's not that. I enjoyed it _too_ much."

A slow smile began to creep across her face, and she tilted her head down, then leaned against him. Cullen wasn't used to that kind of free movement, watching her quietly and she pressed herself to him, but he liked it. Once again, _too_ much, if there was such a thing when it came to her.

Continuing to hold her right where she was, he let his eyes close and drifted off into thought. She had a hand against the back of his neck and she was combing her fingers into his hair, which he couldn't bring himself to mind at all. It made him wish he wasn't wearing gloves, since he'd always wanted to give her hair the same treatment.

He had a thought though in those quiet moments, and he began by saying, "Aislinn?"

"Hmm?"

He was quiet for a moment afterwards, but she just waited for him to get himself to speak, knew that was what he was up to, and she enjoyed being so close to him in the meantime. He could take all the time in the world if he wanted to. Finally, she heard him saying, "I should've told you how I felt a long time ago. It wouldn't have changed anything, but...I wish I had."

"I'm not upset, if that's what you're thinking."

"No," she heard him saying, "I was just thinking that I might never have gotten the chance, and I would've regretted it. Now that I have it, I'm glad that...you found out about it through that incident."

Aislinn was smiling and she couldn't stop. Lifting her head, she looked up at him and asked softly, "Then I guess that means dinner's still on, huh?"

It took a moment, but he grinned over that comment, and she started chuckling. "Yes, serah, if it pleases you," he told her with a nod following their mirth.

But she didn't give him the response he'd expected. Instead, her smile suddenly faded and she jerked away from him quickly with wide eyes, backing up across the floor until she bumped into the chair and jumped nearly a foot in the air. Cullen couldn't help but give her the most confused expression he had to offer. "What's wrong, Aislinn?"

She pointed at what had to be the wall behind him and cringed, spitting out, "Spider!"

Cullen looked back and up, seeing a moderately sized spider crawling slowly across the wall. Then he looked at her again. But she was no longer in the same spot, and he adjusted his eyes to find her all the way across the room, having gotten there without even making a sound at all.

Really? She was _that_ scared of a little spider?

"It's a small spider, though," Cullen tried to reason, finding himself amused over how she'd managed to make it to the other side of the room so quickly without making a single sound. He'd remind her that she was a mage and could light it on fire, but in her panic, and with where he was standing, he didn't want to get caught in another explosion.

"No, no, they're all huge! There's no such thing as a _small_ spider, Cullen!" She looked absolutely petrified. "Kill it!"

Why he found this to be so endearing, he couldn't be certain, but he was highly surprised that Aislinn of all women was this afraid of a little spider. "You–," he stopped when she started waving a hand at him.

"Kill it, kill it!"

"Alright," he lifted his own hand as if to tell her to calm down without words, then reached over to the wall while telling her, "Open your window."

The spider had stopped moving by that point, making it easy to catch, and Aislinn blinked. "What?"

"Open the window, I'll throw it out." He scooped the spider from the wall and into his gloved hands, closing his palms around it.

By the time he'd turned around, Aislinn was staring at him as if she'd become petrified. Her jaw was unhinged, her arms folded into her sides, hands fisted tightly, and she finally shook her head. He doubted she even knew what she was doing, so he just walked over, and she backed away from him quickly like he might've been carrying the plague as he neared both her and the window. In the corner now, Aislinn watched him tugging the shudder open, and he tossed the spider outside before telling her, "There, problem solved."

Cullen shut the shudder again and looked over at her, seeing her staring and completely still. Quietly, she asked on an urgent tone of voice, "How can you stomach that, even with gloves on?"

"I've...seen much bigger, Aislinn," he said, shrugging over it. "It's just not frightening to me." He was trying not to smile, but it was difficult.

"So have I," she nearly squeaked out. "I...I'm sorry, I just can't handle spiders, ever since I was a little girl. There was a big one the size of my fist in this farmhouse my father took me too one day, and it jumped on me without warning. I ran screaming like a banshee and ever since, I've been terrified of them. It was still on me when my father found me, and he knocked it off and killed it." Every word she'd said had been spoken as if she were in dire straights even then.

But that explained it, Cullen thought, then he told her promisingly, "Well, I'll be sure to kill any I see from now on."

"But you didn't kill _that_ one!" She actually sounded disappointed.

"I didn't need to," he replied, unable to keep himself from smiling at her now.

She frowned, going on to add, "I still can't believe you picked it up!"

He couldn't help but chuckle just because she'd sounded so pitiful when she'd said that. He tried not to, apologized, but the amusement he felt wouldn't let him stop. Aislinn finally started feeling less skittish than she had before as she listened to him, slowly smiling and saying, "It's not funny, Cullen," though she didn't sound in the least bit angry, even sounded amused.

"I just...the way you said that."

She was pouting a little now, and she looked down, folding her arms over her chest with a grin on her face. "I know, I know, the big bad First Enchanter can't handle a single spider. But...," she looked back up at him as his mirth began to die down and told him, "you know, I don't ever think I've actually heard you laughing before."

Looking over at her, she watched his smile fading a bit before he waved a hand and said, "I guess I haven't had too much reason to lately."

"I'll have to try to change that for you then," Aislinn said with a smile. "I like hearing it. Even when it _is_ at my distress," she teased.

She watched him taking a breath after she'd spoken those words before he looked away from her and said, "I...hope you do. It feels good to laugh like that. But I promise I wasn't laughing at your distress," he added, returning to his normal, conservative self.

Aislinn was still smiling even though he had trouble looking at her when he admitted that, and she finally stepped away from the corner and decided to alleviate his discomfort by asking, "So, do you know what time you want to have dinner? Half an hour before sunset is usually good."

"I ah...," he thought back to the reason he'd come to see her and nodded, then glanced back at her, "yes, that's a good time."

"Alright, then that's when I'll see you."

"Very well," he spoke, and immediately thought it sounded too formal somehow. "I mean, I look forward to it." That was when he saw that she was just smiling at him. She somehow seemed to be enjoying his shyness, and he cleared his throat and asked her, "What?"

"Nothing," she replied, grinning now as she told him, "I'm just looking forward to it too."

She watched as he stared at her for a moment before he finally pursed his lips at her. "Now you're teasing me," he pointed out.

"I would never!," she retorted, and eventually snorted in amusement as she looked away, snickering softly because it was true. Teasing him was turning out to be quite a lot of fun.

Again, Cullen found his own amusement, though his smile was small. He couldn't help but mention to her, "It's never...been very easy talking to you from the start, to be honest. Not personally anyway. I'm...sorry for that."

"You shouldn't apologize, Cullen. Honestly, it's one of the things I like about you."

Surprise. "It is?"

"It's cute," she explained. "The way you act around me is very flattering, and it's rare coming from a Templar. I think that just adds to the endearing charm of it."

He wasn't sure how to respond, staring at her once again as he had the thought finally to say, "I thought...honestly, you'd be offended by the notion that I have feelings for you."

"Why is that?," Aislinn asked with a quizzical look on her face.

"Well, I'm a Templar. Most mages aren't fond of us. I somewhat thought it might've been insulting in a way."

He watched her lips curling up into a slow smile of understanding, and she folded her arms over her chest - which he tried not to stare at - and said, "You don't scare me, Cullen. If you remember, not many ever did."

"I remember," he said seriously, "very well in fact."

She somehow got the feeling that it was her refusal to back down that had really gotten his attention to begin with because of how he'd said that. The smile had come off of her face, and she looked to the side, scratching her head. It wasn't hard for her to articulate herself, not at all, but with him, she didn't want to do anything too suddenly because she knew it would more than likely make him back away. So she said, "Well, if we're having dinner, you'd best go make sure things are ready, oh," she smirked, "and spider free. It's already getting late anyway."

"Yes," he replied, noting the time while considering her spider comment with a little humor on his face, almost ready to turn around to go when a sudden thought hit him, and he said, "Melrath."

"Pardon me?" It took Aislinn as moment for that to register, but when it did, she said, "Oh, Melrath. Marleyna told you about him?"

"Yes. She suggested I ask you for more information." Curiously, he asked her, "Who is he? A mage here?"

"Not exactly," Aislinn drew out, then put a hand up to her chin in thought. "I think I'd better show you. We have time before sundown, if you feel like it."

Considering his curiosity over this Melrath and what he'd done to help get Templars off of their Lyrium addictions, he had to say he wouldn't mind that at all. So he told Aislinn, "Please, I'm curious."

Aislinn smiled, then turned and started walking to the door. "Alright, then I'll show you the way. He'll be downstairs."

With those words, they left her chambers. As they did this, the kiss they'd just shared continued popping into Cullen's head, and Aislinn's, but neither of them mentioned it to the other for now. They could discuss more of what was going on between them at dinner, but in the meantime, Cullen kept thinking about how he'd gotten so lost in the moment with her, and how good it had felt to do just that.

Despite the fact that Cullen felt he'd moved too soon, though he knew why he had, he couldn't say it was something he regretted, even if he did want to find somewhere that they could be alone so he could try again. No, it wouldn't be appropriate, he knew that, and he certainly wouldn't do any such thing. But that didn't mean he didn't want to.

Somehow he got the feeling that, if they got any closer in their current relationship, he was going to get lost in the moment quite a lot. He didn't know it, but Aislinn was hoping he would herself.


	22. Upper Hand

_XXII. Upper Hand_

A somewhat large metal sphere was attached to the wall with two metal rods sticking out of the side of it, one of many odd devices that stood in the chamber. The wall it was attached to was made of granite brick, and surrounding the odd device mounted on it were wooden shelves on each side containing various types of items, from vials of differing substances, to tomes, boxes, and tools of all shapes and sizes. But more than any of that were potted plants of all kinds.

Across from these shelves were tables with more of the greenery settled in pots atop its surface, as well as trays carrying seeds that had begun to sprout despite the fact that there were no windows in the room to allow light in. Some of the trays were simply dirt beds, and there was a cart settled in one of the far corners of the room that had quite a few bags of soil piled up on it.

A set of stairs led up from the wooden floor through an alcove across from one of the tables where the plants sat, and at the top sounded a door opening and closing, followed by steps being taken down the stairs as Aislinn entered the room. Cullen emerged behind her only a moment later, taking a look around the chamber he'd been led to which was located beneath the manor, underground, and was entered into by a door on the first level near the back of the Circle which Cullen had seen before but had yet to question. Apparently it led to the chamber where this Melrath did his work.

One of the things, aside from the numerous plants in the room, that caught Cullen's eye was the sphere on the wall near the door with the rods sticking out of it, and before anything could be said, he gave Aislinn a curious look.

When she noticed, she walked over to the sphere and said, "This belongs to Melrath's wife. She's been experimenting with electricity, watch." Aislinn lifted her hand up to the sphere and let her fingers electrify, then touched the metal, which began to conduct it. Before long, enough of a charge had gathered that the two rods jutting out of the sphere had a stream of electricity surging back and forth between them, and AIslinn removed her hand and smiled.

"The metal collects it and conducts it. It will do that for a moment or two, and then stop," she told Cullen in explanation. "It needs to be continually charged by a mage, otherwise it just sputters out. They're thinking the electricity can be used to power devices though, if it can be harnessed right anyway, which is the part they're looking into."

"And the mages have been helping them with that?"

"Yes, from time to time. I thought it was a fairly ingenious use of magic myself, and I'd wondered why no one had ever thought of it before."

Briefly, Cullen wondered what kinds of things might need to be powered with electricity, supposing that studying the effects of magic in such a way might have a few benefits depending on what it was being used for, but for the moment, he decided to keep his mind on the current tasks. He looked away from the sphere when it stopped buzzing with electricity, and told Aislinn, "They sound as if they're both resourceful."

She nodded in complete agreement, then turned her head and asked, "Melrath? Are you busy?"

"No," came voice from another chamber beyond the room they were currently standing in, followed by, "I'll be right out."

"They live here?," Cullen asked curiously.

Aislinn nodded at him and then heard the door opening, but as they looked, they didn't see anyone emerging over the plants that blocked the view. Melrath was apparently a Dwarf.

"Good evening, Aislinn," he said as he stepped out and finally came around into view. His hair was brown with a few white streaks in it, tied back into a braid at the nape of his neck, and he had a beard with two braids on each side in typical Dwarven fashion. His clothes were tidy, a light greyish blue vest with quite a few pockets in it over a white tunic and a pair of black pants and boots. The only thing Cullen thought was strange at all were the spectacles he had strapped around the top of his head which had shaded lenses.

He'd looked at Cullen after he'd greeted the First Enchanter and smiled, asking, "How do you do?"

"Melrath," Aislinn started, "this is the new Knight Commander, Cullen. Ser Cullen, meet Melrath, our unofficial Circle inventor I suppose you could say."

"I wouldn't say inventor," Melrath chuckled out, giving Cullen a bow of his head, which Cullen returned before the Dwarf continued, "I just like dabbling in things and sometimes I come up with a few good ideas. My wife's the real genius."

It was then that Aislinn asked, "How is she anyway?"

"Asleep," Melrath chuckled. "She's getting lots of naps in the evenings these days with the kid coming and all."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be too loud when I came in," Aislinn apologized.

Melrath waved a hand to say it wasn't a big deal she should concern herself with, explaining, "Don't worry, the way she's been sleeping lately, sometimes it's hard to wake her even when I shake her."

Aislinn looked at Cullen and gave an explanation then, "She'll be delivering a baby very soon now."

"Ah, well, in that case, congratulations," Cullen told Melrath. "Will this be your first child?"

"Yep," Melrath grinned. "Thank you, friend. You'd think she's the nervous one, but she's excited and I'm fretting every time she walks across a room."

Aislinn chuckled over the comment, saying, "You're probably more fragile than she is right now."

"You know, that's exactly what she said," Melrath spoke thoughtfully, then he shrugged. "Ah well, anyway, what brings you down here? Is the new Knight Commander curious about the concoction I came up with, or is there something else you need altogether?"

"No, you guessed it," Aislinn smiled. "Not to mention you two haven't been formally introduced anyway."

Melrath looked back at Cullen and nodded his head, saying, "That's true. Honnely used to come down here from time to time to see if there was anything my wife or I might've needed, but if you're interested in the tonic, follow me, I'll give you the tour."

He turned around and started walking past some tables and toward a few shelves on the far side of the room, and Cullen stepped in behind him when Melrath motioned for him to do so. As the Dwarf went, he informed the Templar, "I came up to the surface about ten years ago, trouble at home and all, got me outcast, but I'm really glad I did to be honest." Following those words, he muttered, "Bunch of sodding, no good, high and mighty nobles think they can tell people when to breathe, let me tell you."

Melrath sighed, then looked back up at Cullen and added, "But when I got up here, I became fascinated with plants. Not all that much greenery underground after all."

That made sense, Cullen figured, listening while Melrath began telling him more while searching his shelves for something. "I guess you could call me a herbalist, but I've learned about a lot of remedies and other things like it since I've been up here on the surface. Some of that stuff I wanted to test out with Lyrium just out of curiosity since that's what I did in Orzammar, I mined the stuff, and that's what started this whole thing. Before I knew it, boom," he threw his hands up dramatically, then hit a fist down into his opposing palm and looked at Cullen again, "I've got a mixture that works wonders. I'll spare the details on it though, at least, the technical stuff anyway."

Melrath then bent down to look on a lower shelf, and Cullen wasn't completely certain he knew what the Dwarf was saying to begin with, asking, "You experimented with plants and Lyrium?"

"Well, not _actual_ Lyrium. That stuff is mined and then has to be processed into different forms so that it's useable. By the time you Templars get it, it's been shifted so much that I doubt you'd even know what the real deal was if you saw it. The form of Lyrium _I_ was messing with in particular was the dust form, the kind Templars take, since it's easier to get your hands on up here, and after some time I realized there was a plant that seemed to weaken the effects of it."

He tugged a box off of a shelf that was made of wood and lifted it up while he explained that, turning to settle it onto a table. Once he did, he said, "The trouble was that it's hard to get your hands on the dust without dealing with smugglers, and I don't like dealing with smugglers. All that shady business just isn't my jug of ale. But I found out along the way that Templars had an addiction to the stuff, and so I visited the Circle Tower to see what I could see. That's where I met Aislinn originally, and my wife, Dagna, about five years ago now."

Following that explanation, Melrath pulled the lid off of the box to reveal that it contained several lidded vials, but he left them alone for the moment and told Cullen, "The plant I was studying is called Mealweed, ever heard of it?"

"Yes," Cullen nodded in response. He narrowed his brows in curiosity and asked, "Isn't it poisonous?"

"Only the roots, which don't go into this tonic obviously," Melrath informed him, "but the flower of the plant already had medicinal uses documented by you humans in tomes before I ever got hold of it, and it's _easy_ to grow, which makes this tonic easy to make. Still haven't come up with a name for it," he added, then shrugged and grabbed a vial, tugging it up from the box before handing it to Cullen, "but it works. So like I was saying, it nulls the effects of the Lyrium dust you've been taking. You drink that, and it'll start helping your body to dump the Lyrium you've got going through it."

"That doesn't sound very pleasant," Cullen pointed out blandly, looking at the liquid in the tube, which was somewhat dark and murky. His brows narrowing, he inquired, "If this is a plant, why is this liquid?"

"Most of that is the nectar of the flower so it doesn't taste _quite_ so bad, but the rest is the stem which is ground into a pulp, and a concentrator agent so that thinning it out with the nectar doesn't make it any less potent. That's why it's liquid. It doesn't taste very good even still though, I suggest chasing it with something strong, like a good Ale, unless you're not a drinker then...tea I guess, but it'll get you off the Lyrium completely after a few doses."

"A few doses?," Cullen asked, looking past the plants in the room and at Aislinn in question. He hadn't been told he'd need more than one.

"Yes, it's depended from person to person," she explained, "but the mix only does so much at one time. After the first dose, you'll still have the addiction, but you'll be able to take _less_ Lyrium by a fourth and not feel any need for more, then after another dose, a half, and so on."

"It also keeps you from having those nasty withdrawal symptoms," Melrath explained. "Well, except the first time you take it. That's when you go through the shakes I hear, start wanting a dose of the Lyrium to make up for what your body's getting rid of."

Cullen looked back at Aislinn because he was somewhat uncertain about this, and Aislinn smiled at him reassuringly. She'd seen this done before, she'd said, had helped the men to get off of the dust, and she'd never led him astray before. So seeing her smile helped him to overcome his uncertainty, and he looked back at Melrath and asked, "How many vials will I need?"

"Just take two for now. Aislinn will get more from me if you need it, she's in and out of here a lot."

"I see." Cullen reached over and took another vial, then said, "Thank you, Melrath."

"Anytime," Melrath smiled, adding, "I'm glad I could be of help here. Mages help out a lot with my wife's work, and you Templars, at least the ones in _this_ Circle, have been helpful getting me the things _I_ need. So it's all fair."

Cullen gave him a friendly smile, then told him, "I'll remember that. If you should need something then, just ask me."

"Will do," Melrath grinned, then looked between the two humans and asked, "So, are you two staying? I could put you to sleep with all the new experiments I've been working on."

"Actually, not this evening, I have some other business I need to attend to," Aislinn told the Dwarf with a chuckle. "But I'll come back and expect a full report when I do."

Melrath laughed, grabbing the box and turning to put it back on the shelf where he'd gotten it from before he stood back up and said, "Will do, my friend. You two have a good evening then, and good luck with that tonic, Commander."

"Thank you," Cullen returned, thinking to himself that Melrath was a bit colorful, and very likeable. He at least seemed to know what he was talking about anyway, that was for certain. Ten years was a long time to be dabbling in herbalism anyway, so Melrath was probably as knowledgeable as someone could get.

As he got back upstairs with Aislinn and into the empty corridor above ground, thinking about the revelation that Morsfeld had two Dwarven tenants and what those tenants had discovered so far, he looked into his hand at the vials there and asked Aislinn, "So this will make me delirious for...how long?"

Aislinn shut the door and then turned around, saying, "The worst case I ever saw was Honnely. He'd been on the Lyrium for so long that I guess it just had a bad effect on him. He had withdrawal symptoms nearly every time he took a dose of that. But usually they only lasted for a day or two with him. With others it's lasted for hours, half a day, a day, that sort of thing. It seems to depend on each person, and sometimes how long they've been on the dust."

After a moment of consideration, he thought aloud, "I've been addicted for about thirteen years now."

Aislinn gave him a thoughtful expression, saying after a second, "The symptoms might last a day then if the time someone's on it _does_ play a part, which I'm not completely certain it does or will."

"Then I should set aside some time before I take any of this."

"Yes, that's a good idea. It's imperative to let me know as well before you do," she added. "Like Melrath said, you'll want to take more Lyrium, and someone will have to stop you, otherwise it won't work."

Cullen looked at her quietly, letting a little sigh of breath over the consideration of allowing her to stay with him while he would be desperate to get his hands on more dust. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that. Templars have...been known to do things they wouldn't normally do when trying to get more Lyrium."

"I know, it's why we post men outside the doors, just incase something is needed. I'd be fine."

The corridor in which the two of them were talking was quiet, and Cullen looked around to make absolutely sure no one was listening before he spoke again. When he was certain they were alone, he looked back at her and said, "Aislinn, if I...hurt you, I'd never forgive myself. I don't want you to take that chance."

She quirked a single, copper colored eyebrow up at him in return and asked him, "So I'm supposed to let you just suffer by yourself? I couldn't forgive _myself_ if I did that."

Their voices were still soft, not wanting any random passerby to hear what they were saying just then, and Cullen took in a breath as he tried to convince himself that she was right, but it just wasn't hitting him. But Aislinn knew he was trying to look out for her, and she knew he had a right to. After all, whenever a Templar decided to go with this treatment, their rooms were emptied of weapons - anything that could be used as one included - and some Templars had to be strapped down to the bed because they ended up becoming angry whenever they were told that they couldn't have anymore of the Lyrium for the time being.

Aislinn was never alone with any of them though, she only stayed in the room to try to help them through it if she could, sometimes used spells to help them cope more easily. Once, she was hit with a Holy Smite by a man suffering from his withdrawal, but that was the worst she'd ever come across. Half of the time however, the Templars were too out of it to really put up much of a fight, and more often than not, their anger was short lived because they'd so quickly forget whatever it was they'd been mad about to begin with.

So Aislinn tried to reassure Cullen by saying, "Trust me, things will be fine if I stay to watch over you."

He looked unconvinced, but she'd asked him to trust her, and he knew he did regardless of whether he wanted her to stay with him or not. He just had to figure out how to get the upper hand with her over it.

As it turned out though, Aislinn wasn't giving him a chance to argue, turning to walk away while saying, "Now, let's go. We'll discuss it more over dinner, I'm starving."

So much for the upper hand, he thought, letting out a sigh and then turning to walk in behind her. Perhaps he could convince her not to stay with him during his treatment while they were eating, if he could even speak a single sentence straight.

Yes, Cullen figured, he was likely doomed in this endeavor.


	23. Against All Odds

_XXIII. Against All Odds_

Because the nature of the conversation that Cullen and Aislinn were going to have when they ate dinner was a bit private, they both decided that a more secluded spot would be necessary in order to discuss things. Since Cullen had to return to his chambers anyway in order to put the vials of the tonic that Melrath had given him away, it seemed the most practical choice to simply settle there.

Aislinn let him head up to do that while she fetched their food from the kitchens located by the dining hall - most people simply went there to have their meals to begin with - and Cullen returned to his room to store the vials away for the time being. He then went about configuring the wooden, round table so they could settle down there to eat since it was the best place to do so, and he got a fire going because the temperature had dropped a good bit and his chambers were chilly.

Following this, he considered removing his armor and putting on something a bit more comfortable, but two things stopped him. The first was that he had no idea when Aislinn would return, and if she came back while he was changing, he wouldn't want to make her wait. The second reason was that he wasn't completely certain how it might look, to Aislinn, or to anyone else who might randomly stop by. No, staying in uniform was the best idea.

He did, however, take off his gloves and set them aside in order to make it easier to eat. It wasn't long after that Aislinn came back with a lid covered tray in hand, and Cullen's room was _still_ a little cold, but the fire was finally starting to knock the chill out of the air. They settled themselves at the table in the cushioned chairs he'd pulled up to it, and the entire time, Cullen couldn't shake this sense of anxiety that had come over him. Mostly, he remained quiet.

Aislinn had that same sense of nervousness as well, but she found it easy to deal with when she noticed Cullen's anxious silence. So she was as casual as she could be to try to put the both of them at ease.

Once they had sat down in the fire lit room, and gotten their plates together, which was a chicken dish Marganita had made, Aislinn mentioned idly before any real conversation could get started, "I have to say I love when Marganita cooks, she makes the best chicken dishes. Have you tried the jellied ham she prepares yet?"

She thought she noticed Cullen cringing when she asked him that, and looked up to see that he was shaking his head. "I...hate jelly," he informed her. "So anything with...jellied...whatever in it, isn't appetizing to me."

Well that was something Aislinn hadn't known before. "Really? What about jam?"

"Not so fond of that either, but it's a little better. Something about the texture just isn't appealing."

Aislinn looked surprised, but she smiled over the information, saying, "Well, I love jam on toasted bread personally. What _I_ don't like is mutton stew. It makes me sick and I absolutely refuse."

"I'm not sure anyone's fond of mutton," Cullen told her, though he thought it was humorous, the way she'd put it. Learning more about what she liked was definitely nice, and it was helping him to take his mind off of his anxieties about this whole affair. He knew what they were going to end up talking about was going to be personal more than likely, so the topic she'd just started got him to thinking about other things which was welcome, and he couldn't help but ask, "What else do you like and dislike?"

"I'm a simple girl," she smirked. "It depends. What kinds of things are you talking about?"

"Well, just general things, colors, uh...flowers maybe," he drew out, "animals. That kind of thing." For a brief moment, he thought it was somewhat sad that he didn't know this already.

Aislinn looked up at him thoughtfully, holding in her smile over how he'd asked the question so hesitantly, wondering if he had a particular reason for asking, or if he just wanted to know in general. After giving it some thought, she said, "Well, my favorite color of all is dark purple. There's a seamstress in Morsfeld making me a new robe with some material I found that's the perfect shade of it. I'll probably wear it until there's holes everywhere in it." She lifted her glass and sipped her drink while the firelight played off of her face, then went on to say, "I also like cats. I had a cat a few years ago, well, she wasn't _mine_, but I took care of her. I kind of miss her."

Aislinn sat back in her chair once she'd spoken those words, and admitted, "I don't really have a favorite flower though. Well, I do, but it's rare and I've never actually seen one. It's called Winter's Bloom, because it only blooms in winter. You can only find it in the Frostback Mountains though, but drawings of it are very pretty, Melrath showed some to me. Oh, and yes, it's purple too if you want to know," she snickered out softly.

He had a small smile on his face, telling her, "I suppose it makes sense that you like it then."

With a nod, Aislinn mentioned, "It's a little sad that you don't know that already. We've been acquainted for a while but the basic things still escape us. Like what about you? What's your favorites and all that?"

"I ah...," he hadn't considered it from his point of view, summoning up what the answers were while staring at his plate mostly, then said, "I like the color blue, I like dogs better than cats really."

He trailed after the last line, and heard Aislinn chuckling, "You're from Ferelden, so that's typical."

That made him smile to think of Fereldens and their love of dogs, mentioning to her, "It's true what people say, I'd never noticed until I came back from Kirkwall."

Narrowing her brows in confusion over the statement, Aislinn asked, "What's that?"

Cullen explained by saying, "I heard the people in Kirkwall sometimes speaking of Fereldens, saying they always smelled of dog. When I came back here, I couldn't help but notice much of the countryside I traveled through did in fact have that scent." He stopped speaking momentarily when he heard Aislinn snickering, unable to help but smile over it before he added, "But I like cats, I just like dogs a little better. They're bigger and sturdier and seem to have more uses in that manner."

"I can see what you mean. So now I know to get you blue shirts for your birthday and dog bones for your pet," she chuckled. Then, with a sigh as her mirth died down, she looked down at her plate and pushed her fork into bite of food which she didn't lift immediately while she grew quiet. She couldn't help thinking that she was dancing around the more important issues, and that he was too. The idle talking was nice, getting to know little things about him was nice, but it didn't waylay this feeling she had that she might've been wasting time somehow.

In an attempt to ward those feelings off, she lifted her fork and asked, "What was Kirkwall like?," before taking the bite into her mouth.

Cullen had just been thinking about it when she'd asked him, glancing back over at her before he replied without needing thought over it, "Sunny, warm," and then he added after a little consideration, "I spent most of my time in the Gallows however. The rest of the city just depended on where you were. Overall, it was nice, but...it was sometimes tiring."

"Tiring?," Aislinn asked with a slight tilt of her head in a curious fashion that Cullen thought was endearingly cute.

But he hesitated on an explanation, looking back down at his plate before saying, "Perhaps that's simply my position speaking."

Aislinn supposed that meant he'd had a lot to do. "Then you didn't like being the Knight Captain there?"

"It's not that," he drew out, taking another fork full of food which he didn't lift until he was done speaking, "there was just...always something going wrong somewhere, someone doing something they shouldn't, even amongst the Templars. Half of the time I was too busy to really notice anything the city had to offer that I could tell you about."

Aislinn gave him a nod of understanding, musing aloud, "The Commander there must have had you doing an awful lot of work then." Her thoughts went to what she'd heard of that woman now that they were mentioning this, and she wondered if it would be acceptable to say them or not. After all, rumors were rumors, and not only might it have been impolite to mention them, but Aislinn also knew that repeating gossip tended to make you look like an idiot. After all, who would believe so many tall tales without giving it a second thought unless they were a little less than intelligent.

But it did bring her mind to other things that she'd been curious over, things that she'd yet to mention to Cullen since his arrival because she didn't feel it was appropriate.

"She had many worries," Cullen replied as Aislinn had been thinking. "Some of them seemed to become...questionable however, after the Qunari attack on the city. Those years following it, not even I could continue defending her."

"Defending her?," Aislinn asked inquisitively. "To the mages?"

Cullen let a sigh of breath, then explained, "No, actually, some of the Templars were whispering of how she was...crazy, or nothing more than a tyrant and unfit for command."

Aislinn watched him, taking in his words, able to see how and why he would defend his commander in such a way, especially if there was no merit to the rumors floating about. But she couldn't help but mention afterwards,"So her men were questioning her, and then she tried to invoke the Right of Annulment on the Gallows because of the actions of a single mage."

"Yes," Cullen confirmed. "There had been no Viscount and the Grand Cleric had just been murdered, so she took it upon herself to take care of the matter."

"Why didn't she simply go after the mage in question? Wouldn't that have made more sense?"

"Those were my thoughts the entire time we were heading into the Gallows," Cullen admitted. "Something wasn't right about it, and I could see no reason to kill every mage in Kirkwall simply for the actions of one. As much as I understand the need to be thorough, Annulment is reserved for situations such as the Tower, when no mage is without corruption and the Circle is not salvageable."

"What did you do then?," Aislinn asked, wondering if he'd give her an answer.

He hesitated, his countenance becoming more serious, looking at her when he said, "I did as I was commanded...at first. But things were going too far, even _I_ knew it. She'd tried to order us to kill Kirkwall's Champion along with the rest of the mages in the Gallows, instead of merely arresting him as we'd planned, on top of invading the Gallows to kill the mages there for the act of an apostate who wasn't even a part of it."

"I'd heard about that," Aislinn replied. "I mean, how she tried to kill the Champion. I got word from my second cousin Bethany over everything that went on not long after the incident occurred."

Aislinn remembered Garrett Hawke, the Champion that Cullen had spoken of, from when she was younger. He was the oldest of Leandra's children, and she'd only met him twice, both times when they were children and just before Aislinn had been taken to the Tower. He was older than she was, and Aislinn's memories were vague, but she _did_ remember one thing about him, and that was how he'd burned her hair as a prank. She'd always swore that if she ever saw him again, she'd use her later developed magic as a revenge prank _somehow_, since Garrett had been a young mage at the time and that was how he'd pulled it off.

Malcolm, Garrett's father, had found out and scolded the young boy for it. The reason was simple - Malcolm was an apostate and he'd been trying to teach his son how to control his magic so they wouldn't be found. Using it as a prank in such a manner wasn't acceptable, and though Aislinn had heard all of this, at the time, she was too young to specifically know what it all meant.

Bethany, Garret's younger sister, on the other hand, Aislinn had never met face to face. After her parents had died, she'd kept in touch on and off through letters with others in the family, and Bethany was the one who'd always sent the responses from the Hawke's. Aislinn wondered if she'd ever get to meet her in person.

Cullen also knew that Aislinn was related to them, though he wasn't quite sure how, but instead of asking, he listened when Aislinn went on to say, "She told me that their First Enchanter used a blood magic ritual to...transform himself. Seems like both sides were simply going too far."

"I believe so, yes," Cullen agreed. Aislinn could see that he hadn't liked the incident, and also that he had something else on his mind. She didn't interrupt him in his thinking either until he looked at her and asked, "But I have been curious about something. After that, I heard of many uprisings in other Circles, mages attacking Templars and running away, but not in this one. Did nothing ever happen here?"

Aislinn thought about that, remembering how she'd taken every person in the Circle to gather them together and tell them what she'd heard. After a few moments while the fire light flickered over her, he room's chill completely gone now, she said, "I was fortunate enough to get a warning with the letter Bethany sent me, so I knew something was going to happen. When word of rebellions and uprisings began to reach Morsfeld, I gathered everyone together and told them all what I'd heard about, then demanded to know if they thought the acts committed in Kirkwall was worth dying and killing each other for. I told them they should leave if that were the case."

"What did they do?," Cullen asked after listening to her explanation.

"They stayed," she said, finally finding a smile. "Both the mages and the Templars stayed. Some of the mages asked me if I didn't think it was a blow I couldn't handle however, if it didn't anger me. It did, and I admitted that it did, but I could see fault on both sides, and I refused to join a revolt I didn't think was well grounded. Perhaps I'm a fence sitter," she chuckled softly.

After a moment, and her smile died, she added more seriously, "But I _did_ know that, as a mage, it would be foolish to think that attacking and killing the Templars in Morsfeld would be satisfying in a retributional sense, or make up for the things the Templars had done in Kirkwall, so I said that if there was to be a fight, then let it come to us, and we'll be ready for it when it does."

She noticed he was giving her a look just then that she couldn't place easily, light flickering off of his somewhat solemn features as she watched. Something about the look made her ache inside, not only with emotion, but also with the need to know what he might've been thinking about, prompting her to ask softly, "Do you think that was wrong of me to do? To wait until I had a real reason to act?"

Cullen snapped himself out of his temporary daze of thought when she asked that, having become as lost in watching the fire flickering over her to make what he'd been thinking was a lovely slight for a moment, shaking his head more to bring himself back to reality than to answer her before saying, "No, I think it probably saved lives, taking such a stance, even outside of this Circle."

She was relieved to hear him saying that. His approval did mean a good deal to her after all. Looking down at her hands which were currently in her lap, she spoke softly, "No one here wanted to fight, we just wanted to live our lives. We _still_ want to live our lives. I know something's going to come, however, and it may not be pretty. It's scarey to think of for me, especially concerning Gracie, knowing she's actually a mage as well. Because of that, I have no choice but to be very careful with what I do. Perhaps," she looked back up, shrugging, "the fighting at the Battle of Denerim just made me lose my taste for warring, especially over something like this. There just..._has_ to be better ways."

Cullen could understand her reasoning. Compared to Denerim and seeing the people dying there at the end of the fifth Blight, this dispute probably seemed to pale in comparison. Still, it was a relevant enough topic to fight for, so he asked her, "You don't think mages are too repressed then?"

"No, I do honestly," she told him. "But freedom, even if you're handed it on a silver platter, doesn't come over night. If mages were simply freed, right this very minute, told they could go about their business in any way they saw fit, they'd either be so used to the former ways that they wouldn't know what to do to begin with, or they'd take it for granted and use magic for whatever they saw fit, abuse it, hurt people unintentionally, or intentionally. Also, people are so...uninformed about us that it would be dangerous for us no matter what we did with that freedom. As much as I'd love to walk about a city unchecked and do whatever I really wished to, these things will have to be given slowly. This Circle here is really the only safe haven us mages have, and with how much of the Order has rebelled against the Chantry to hunt mages on their own, I get the sense it may be the same for the Templars as well."

That was the best way he thought he'd ever heard it put. Time was needed to make the changes that were necessary in order to keep things from becoming devastating, which, in all honesty, they'd already become to an extent. Cullen looked at her quietly, trying for a moment to figure out what made her tick precisely, wondering how she'd become the type of woman she was, but he couldn't simply sum it up just then.

"I'd never thought of it like that, but you're right," he finally said. "It worries me as well, the renegade Templars warring against both the mages and the Chantry. I'm not certain if they would come here, but if they did, it wouldn't be peaceful. Not all of us want to fight, not in this fashion. Trying to find a grounds for peace is sometimes difficult however."

Aislinn nodded in agreement, but she was quiet in those moments following his suggestion. She couldn't help herself. Those topics that they'd been dancing around, the really personal ones, were growing too big in her mind for her to really ignore.

Cullen could tell from the look on her face that she had something on her mind as well. So he asked her about it. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, yes, sorry," she replied, casting her silvery gaze back up at him, "I was just thinking that maybe this whole dinner could be symbolic of that, you know, a mage and a Templar dining together, discussing things, even after all that's happened."

She was right, and Cullen got the feeling that this Circle would be the only place a person might find such a sight at that point in time. He also remembered when she'd cared for him in the woods, had heard, in his dazed state, the blood mage asking her something about why she was caring for a Templar, though that memory was fuzzy.

"I hope it is," he began genuinely. "At least, as a start." She was still staring at the table top, but she smiled slowly, which showed she'd heard him. So he added, "I never let myself try to even consider it before, but recently, I've started to think that..."

When he trailed, Aislinn finally looked back up at him, wondering what he might say, but she soon figured it out on her own. So she finished for him in question, "That things between you and I might not be so impossible after all, even with the trouble brewing?"

"Yes," he nodded, "I'm not sure that they would be. Difficult, certainly, but not...impossible."

They both became quiet then, and Cullen didn't even realize it at first. He'd began to think about how wonderful it had felt to kiss her, then to hold her in her chambers earlier, staring at nothing with the memories in mind for several long moments. Finally, he glimpsed her face again, and it brought him back to the present, her own expression vacant, but it was also not completely pleasant. So he asked her then, "You're bothered, aren't you?"

Aislinn blinked, cast her gaze to the side, then told Cullen, "I think the best way to put it is that I'm wary. Not of you, mind you," she added, looking back up at him, "and not of...whatever future might come. I'm worried about me."

"You?" He shook his head in confusion and then asked her, "Why?"

Aislinn bit her bottom lip, thinking of the best way to articulate her thoughts to him. Finally, she said, "I keep thinking about what I am, and what it means, but I don't know if I'm thinking more about what it means to me or to you."

Cullen came to a conclusion in his head and asked, "You mean what I think of mages?" He'd stated it as more of a fact than a question however, watching her and waiting for her response.

"Yes, on that end. On my end, I keep wondering if even _I_ like me very much. With that being the case," she trailed, turning her eyes up to his face, "it makes me curious about how this might really go, saying we took this somewhere."

Something in Cullen tightened over those words, and he wasn't sure exactly what. But he almost felt as if he might've been readying himself for some harsh blow he knew he was going to have to take. Still, he asked her, "You don't like yourself for what you are?" Cullen had heard of that before, many times, so it wasn't new to him, but hearing her of all people saying it surprised him.

She wasn't oblivious to his surprise and she shrugged at him over it. "I've never really been given a reason to, Cullen. I do the best I can with it to save lives if I get the opportunity, so that maybe some good will come of it. But besides that, no, I can't say anything good ever has. I don't know whether or not magic is a gift or a curse, but it feels like a curse more times than a benefit."

He knew what she meant. Exactly so, he considered, since he himself wasn't fond of mages. But the least he could do was be honest with her about it. "I must admit, the fact that you were a mage but I still developed feelings for you always confounded me. Perhaps not so much at first though."

"But after what happened at the Tower," she mentioned, "you probably got extremely angry at yourself for it."

Cullen didn't want to answer that. He felt it would insult her, but he eventually nodded his head. "At first, yes. Over time, I realized I was really just angry at the mages who'd...tortured me." Looking up, he spied a sympathetic look on her face, one that made him glance away again. "But I know that not all mages are alike, Aislinn, and you are quite different from most."

"Are you certain you're not just biased because of your feelings?"

"I've had time to consider that. _Plenty_ of time," he added, then let out a sigh of breath, giving her a direct look that he didn't break as he went on to say, "I didn't ask to feel anything for you, it just happened. I realized that I did so because of who you are though, not what you are."

Aislinn took that in, liking the sound of it, but she had to ask him, "If you could change me so that I was normal, would you?"

"I have to admit, I've thought about it."

She liked his honesty, replying softly, "Me too."

Something in him suddenly wanted to reach out and hug her close because her voice had sounded so downtrodden, but he stayed right where he was, considering his reply instead for giving into the urge. "No one's perfect though, Aislinn. But...being a mage doesn't make you imperfect either, just different. I might change what you are because it would be easier...but I...," he stopped because what he wanted to say wasn't something he was used to admitting. She didn't interrupt though, allowing him to finally get out, "I would have taken you as you are without hesitation."

Hesitantly, Aislinn asked him without certainty that she wanted to know the answer, "What about now?"

"I've tried," he started, "not wanting to be closer to you. Very hard. Even being a mage, it doesn't matter to me. I'm...not sure it ever will."

Aislinn thought that was the single sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her. She stayed quiet, the fire flickering off of her delicate features, then put her hands on the table as if to brace herself for what she was about to tell him. "I lied to you, Cullen."

Cullen's brow narrowed over his eyes and he shook his head, asking, "About what?"

"I said you don't scare me, but you do actually. It's just not because you're a Templar." She shook her head as she said that, then went on to add, "Instead, it's because I don't remember feeling this way before, and honestly, it terrifies me. I almost felt like crying when you said you'd asked for a transfer, and it made me so mad at myself. Those kinds of feelings can ruin a mage's life, and now, I'm worried that if you get closer to me you'll start thinking I'm not any different than what you think of the rest of us, and you'll end up deciding to leave anyway. But I won't...," breathing in deeply, she looked away and finished quietly, "I _can't_ change how I feel either, even if you did."

Suddenly, Cullen realized a new aspect of this tangled web. Now that he knew she felt for him, leaving her would have been impossible saying he'd been inclined to. He couldn't just allow her to suffer the emptiness he'd usually felt when he was ignoring his feelings for her - he could handle it, he knew as much, but the thought of her going through the same kind of emptiness was simply cruel.

He also realized why she was so scared exactly, because she knew his feelings toward what she was could interfere, could end up hurting her because she cared for him, deeply from the sound of it. It would hurt her badly as well if he did in fact end up leaving her behind, which he had absolutely no plans of doing. Still, how could you make that kind of promise to another person and have them believe you completely? Short of maybe marriage, or an immense amount of trust, which she did have in him, there really was no way to ensure such a thing to someone for certain.

He must've been staring at her for some time because she suddenly told him softly, "Say something."

He wanted to oblige her, but he didn't know what to say to convince her. This kind of thing simply wasn't his forte, and he knew he'd end up stumbling over his words, which was something he desperately wanted to avoid here. As he considered it, he looked up when he noticed her movement and watched her rising from her chair suddenly, heading to the door.

The sudden movement made him narrow his brows over his eyes and say quickly, "Don't leave," before he stood up, turning just as she'd come to a stop mid step at his words, then slowly turned around to face him again.

As she did, Cullen couldn't help but ask her, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Aislinn shook her head. With a deep breath, she fisted her hands at her sides and looked down. "I just...don't feel right, because of my views on myself. It's not fair of me to...be here with you, when sometimes I can't even look at myself fondly, all while hoping you might...I don't even know for certain."

Cullen lifted a foot, then hesitated, deciding on shaking his head at her for the moment instead, "You're not asking me for anything I haven't already given you, so...how is it unfair? I think it's more unfair of you to simply walk away."

Aislinn thought about that for a moment, and had to admit, "You're right. Like I said, I'm just scared." She looked back up, and explained then, "Someone once told me that loving a person meant giving them the ability to hurt you, and trusting them not to completely. I trust you, Cullen, I really do, but that's not the issue. The issue is how can I expect you to trust _me_ when I'm...a mage? No, I didn't hurt you, but...you have every right to hate us completely, so how could I fathom you trusting me like that, or even be arrogant enough to presume to ask for you to?"

Cullen didn't have to think too far to answer her. "You've never wronged me, Aislinn. Perhaps you're a mage, and your power is a terrible responsibility. But I've never had a reason to doubt that you're ill fit to handle it. I understand," he said, then paused for a moment, getting his words right in his head. "I understand your questioning such a thing, perhaps because you live in a world that already questions your kind constantly, and perhaps it's with good reason. But I wouldn't feel guilty or wrong if I told anyone that _you_ of all mages could be trusted, because that is what I believe of you."

Aislinn had no idea that he held so much faith in her. She knew he did to an extent, but the way he'd spoken expounded it all in a way she'd needed to hear more than she'd realized. It nearly made her breathless, and not just because it was extremely nice to hear, but also because it hurt too.

Finally, still bathed in firelight, she whispered, "It's not easy hearing this, because I was always taught to think that I, myself, was something that could hurt others if I didn't play my cards right, that even _I_ shouldn't trust what's inside of me because of that. It makes me want to warn the both of us away from this, and at the same time, also want to believe you in that I'm strong enough to be careful more than anything. But I'm afraid that if I do, I'll start thinking I'm immune to the dangers magic _does_ possess, and it will make me falter."

Following those words, she took in a deep breath and finished, "We both have things we have to stand vigilant against, Cullen, and obligations that need to be filled, no matter how much we might trust in one another."

Understanding now what she meant exactly, the next words Cullen spoke simply came out of him as if they'd been there all along, simply waiting to be told to her. "Then let me help you to stay vigilant, and you can rest a little easier in that you're not...alone."

Aislinn didn't know what to say. Her eyes had started burning more with each word he spoke however, but she wasn't sad. Something in the way he'd put those words made her feel like she'd just taken a breath of fresh air. She briefly remembered how safe she'd felt when she'd hugged him before, a kind of security she hadn't always had the luxury of feeling, and before she could even think on it, she found herself slowly nodding, as well as walking toward him without even telling herself to do as much.

Cullen knew what he'd just told her was no small thing, and he didn't take it as such. So when she nodded, and took those steps toward him, he felt a wave of relief for her acceptance that might've knocked a lesser man over. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath, waiting to see what she might say in response, or do, and when she was close enough, he took her upper arms in his hands and got her attention.

As she looked up at him, he said, "When I arrived here, you told me that keeping secrets is the first step to falling, and you're right. Because of that, I have to tell you that I may never come to approve of other mages as a whole. I still think that magic is a power that has to be vigilantly watched over and guarded against, that mages do have to be treated differently because they _are_ different. But that shouldn't suggest that I disapprove of _you_. Nor that I ever will."

Aislinn gave him an understanding nod of her head slowly, quietly gazing up at him. "I may never come to approve of things you believe are acceptable, or ideas you think are practical, but I'll always try to see your reasonings behind them and respect them. Is that acceptable?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"Then...that means we're trying for more against all odds...right?"

This was the hard part, but he managed to say the words more easily than he thought he might have. "I...want to, but only if you...would accept me."

Something in the way she stared up at him as she took a final step toward him made his heart stop completely. She slipped her arms around his sides slowly, which he finally got himself to do, just as she'd turned her head to rest her cheek against his chest plate not far below his chin.

After a moment of silent acceptance, she heard him saying softly, "I find myself wondering if this is actually real or just a dream."

Aislinn had shut her eyes, that same sense of safety she'd gotten before sweeping over her when she was so close to him, asking him curiously, "Have you dreamt of me much then?"

"I don't want to answer that," he replied, and his tone was a little bland, which made her grin.

Soon enough, her grin began to fade though, and she whispered, "I feel safe." She risked turning her head up slowly, giving him a somewhat confused look, one that was curious at the same time. "I haven't always...felt that way. I don't know why I do when I'm with you. Do you think that's strange?"

He could only suppose she didn't always feel safe because of her magic, and because of the life she'd led and the way everyone else viewed it. She might've been right not to feel safe as well, there was no real way of say for certain. But something in Cullen, perhaps some wishful part of him, hoped she felt safe with him because something in her knew she could trust him, could trust that he wouldn't hurt her, or let her be hurt if he could help it at all.

"No, it doesn't sound strange to me." He got stuck, staring into her eyes for a moment before he realized it, and he quickly broke the gaze off, a little embarrassment showing on his cheeks as he shifted his hands a bit behind her and felt her hair brushing over them. That was when he remembered his prior curiosities on her hair, and without his gloves on, he took advantage and turned his fingers to sift through it finally, unobtrusively.

"You're blushing," Aislinn pointed out, trying to lighten the mood a bit when she added, "I guess I am too though." But he didn't seem to hear her however, and that was when she felt his fingers in her hair behind her. She briefly glanced to the side, and then back up at him, the look on his face suggesting that he wasn't completely certain what he was about to do would be acceptable, but he did it anyway, lifting his hand and pressing his fingertips against her temple before pushing them into her hair gently.

Aislinn's throat went dry, and she had to swallow, allowing him to brush her hair back in such a fashion while watching his expression. It was such a simply motion to make, but it had her feeling a little dizzy. He'd finally looked back at her face, but she didn't know what to say. All thought was gone at that moment, only hearing what he told her, "I've...always wanted to touch your hair. I know that sounds...bad."

The strands slipped through his fingers like silk, and he noticed that she wasn't stopping him, had shaken her head a bit when he mentioned it sounded bad. Maybe she didn't think so. But he drew his hand back and tugged a few copper strands over her shoulders in his fingers. As they slipped out, and he looked back at her face, she asked him, "It just means...you like my hair...I guess."

"I do," he confirmed for her. "It's one of the things I'd...," he stopped himself, resting his hand on her shoulder before saying, "wondered about."

"My hair?," she asked, trying not to smile. She didn't want him to think she was making fun of him, and she wasn't - far from it. She was flattered that he liked the way she looked. "Then what do you think now?"

"I was right."

"About what?"

It took him a moment, his gaze still intently settled on her face, but he finally replied, "It's like silk."

She was completely lost, taking in a slow breath when she felt his fingers slowly brushing up against the side of her throat, every movement he made slow, careful, as if he were either making certain they weren't too much, or he was simply being meticulous and trying to memorize. She let him take those reigns for whichever of those reasons, until the warmth of his palm brushed against her jaw. Then she lifted her own hand to the back of his so she could hold it there while she rubbed her cheek into his palm slowly, closing her eyes.

Cullen forgot to breathe. He couldn't have explained in words how he felt in that moment if the Maker Himself had come out and told him to. He could only cup the side of her face in his fingers as she showed her enjoyment, a look on her face that he soaked up completely while he realized that her hair wasn't the only thing that felt like silk to the touch. It made him wonder how he'd ever gotten this fortunate. No, he'd wake up any moment now, just like always. They weren't really deciding to try against the difficulties around them. It was all just his imagination.

But nothing happened, and she reopened her eyes after a moment to look back up at him, still holding his hand against her cheek. "What are you thinking about, Cullen?"

"Kissing you again," he admitted without thought for restraint, as if the thought had been ready to jump out of him on its own.

"Then kiss me," she whispered back.

His feelings were surfacing full force, and her words gave him the ability he needed to do what he wanted to. How it was possible to want someone as much as he wanted her, he wasn't sure, but he let himself lean in, and Aislinn met him half way, slowly, their lips meeting softly.

Cullen slowly tightened his arm behind her back almost as if he were afraid any sudden movement might make her disappear. But he was savoring her closeness in honesty. Their hands remained together as the kiss deepened and drew them both into forgetfulness before she drew her own hand up and placed it against his cheek, tilting her head just a bit to the side, kissing him as slowly as he'd been making his own moves.

He'd been a little awkward at first, but he apparently had a knack for learning fast, catching up to Aislinn in short time after their tongues so hesitantly met. Had he been able to hold a thought in his head, he would have wondered if this wasn't how he'd heard they kissed in Orlais, a story he'd wondered at because he'd noticed couples everywhere kissing this way, not simply Orlesians. But his mind wasn't anywhere _near_ that subject just then, only focused on her and how it felt, how soft she felt, and how suddenly the whole world seemed to make complete sense, and none at the same time.

Aislinn felt completely warm inside, weak in the knees as the kiss slowly broke, only to feel his lips brushing over the tip of her nose, then against her forehead in an affectionate manner that made her all but melt. She took in a deep breath and let it out, felt the tickle of the stubble on his chin against her brow when they both grew still, and she heard him uttering out, "I don't want this to end."

Her eyes opened slowly, but she didn't move, staring at the collar of his armor while whispering, "Neither do I, Cullen." Pausing, she drew her fingers down the side of his neck and then added, "Why would we?"

Cullen couldn't help but notice how comfortable she seemed to be with him at that moment, and he wanted her to continue to be. He suddenly thought without any prompting that he'd find a way to make her stay comfortable with him, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, but reality butted into his mind and told him it wouldn't be that easy. There were going to be times when things were in turmoil and struggles would be inevitable, so keeping her comfortable with him wasn't always going to be a stroll in the park. But they hadn't seen each other in a long time, and still, he'd come back and found her against all odds, and now they were here.

So for this? To have her holding herself so close to him, tracing his jaw with her fingertips so soothingly, and trusting him? Difficulties and struggles would be completely worth it.

It was in that moment that he had a thought he wanted to express to her, one he hadn't told anyone about because he never could without revealing the truth of matters completely, but he needed to say it. _Especially_ to her. It was one of the reasons he'd gone to see Aislinn in the Tower before the Battle of Denerim, because he knew he was leaving, and wouldn't get another chance to say the things he felt he needed to, the things he thought he was obligated to tell her about.

Now was the perfect time. He did so without hesitating. Aislinn's attention perked up with the first few lines.

"In the Tower, when Uldred had me tortured, I was tempted again and again with things I'd always wanted and knew I could never have, like the truth about my parents, or the power to overthrow the mages in the Tower that were causing so much...evil. They also tried to use you to my chagrin."

Somehow, that made her feel extremely guilty, but she didn't interrupt, only listened to him carefully as he spoke, his voice almost shaky sounding because of the things he'd suffered that were on his mind just then. "I resisted it all, watched them kill the others they'd captured, and somehow managed to make it out of there alive and all my own person instead of a demon's puppet. I still have nightmares about it, wake up from it in a sweat, but there's something I never got a chance to tell anyone about because I couldn't.

"After it was all over, the men kept asking me how I'd resisted, and I told them I stayed in my memories. That way I knew if something happened which never had before, I'd know it was all a trick." He let out a breath and then admitted, "But I also dreamt about you. Just simple dreams, but they always put me at peace. I knew they were just dreams because I felt so comforted in them, holding onto you just like this."

Aislinn's brow wrinkled and she slowly lifted her head to look up at him as he finished, "I'd thought maybe you were coming through the Fade to find me in my sleep, and realized whenever I got out of that nightmare that the thought was foolish. But you were the one who helped me through it all."

Curiously, she asked him, "Why didn't you suspect those dreams?"

His response made sense, but it was still surprising to her. After a moment of silence, he finally said, "When they tempted me with you I...I knew the difference somehow. Maybe it just didn't seem authentic to me, because of the way I felt about the real you, and nothing could ever replicate that, especially not a demon." Cullen sighed then, saying, "I've wanted to thank you for that for so long I...can't tell you how good it feels to finally say it."

That was it. If Aislinn doubted it before, there was no question to it now. Turning her head up, she told him, "You can't just say that and not expect something in return as a thank you."

"What do you–," he started, and got cut off when she moved up and kissed him without hesitation. He didn't fight her about it, just put his hand up against her jaw and cheek, then leaned into it, becoming dazed over the way she ended up rolling her tongue against his with skill, then broke away after several long moments of making sure she'd been thorough, trying to catch his breath afterwards.

Aislinn pressed a quicker, second kiss to his lips right afterwards, standing flat on her feet again as she peered up at him in no less of a daze than he was. "I love you, Cullen, and I wish it had been me, but finding you in the fade would have been difficult to say the least. Still, if I could have, I know I would have."

He opened his eyes and stared back down at her, believing her completely. But he continued to listen as she told him, "It's starting to get a little late, however. I need to return to my quarters and make sure Gracie is tucked into bed in her own room. If I'm late, she'll be mad at me." The mention of it got Aislinn to smile as, despite Gracie's ire, she was still cute, even when she was angry.

Cullen could easily understand that even if he still didn't want this to end, but with the way they were heading just then, it seemed like the best idea of all. So he gave her a nod, finally finding some semblance of his voice to speak with before he said, "I wouldn't want you to upset her."

Aislinn gave him a smile, slowly letting herself step away from him before she glanced away and saw the dishes that had been left on the table, mentioning, "Oh, let me grab these before I go too."

"No," Cullen stopped her by lifting an arm to block her path, "don't bother. I can do that myself."

Stopping herself and letting him have his way in this, Aislinn turned her silver eyes up at him and said, "Alright. But, Cullen, one thing before I go." He'd turned to tend to the table himself, but when she spoked, he looked back over at her curiously. When he did, she asked him, "When do you want to start the treatment for your addiction, anyway?"

He'd thought about that when she'd been busy getting them dinner but had forgotten to mention it to her with everything else going on, saying now, "Oh, I'd thought the day after tomorrow would be sufficient. I can get my work done and then take it the next morning."

"Alright, that sounds good. I'll let Dreyan know that I'll need some men posted at your door then in that case."

Cullen watched her for a moment silently, then gave a single nod. After he did, he said, "I'll be glad when I'm off of the Lyrium. I've never liked having to be addicted to it honestly."

"I'll be glad too," she nodded, smiling. "One less thing for both of us to worry about."

"Yes," he drew out, then took a breath as if to speak before stopping himself again.

The hesitation made Aislinn curious. But when he declined to say more, she had to prompt, asking, "What?"

"I...I just...still don't like the thought of you being the one to deal with it. I don't like the idea of...you seeing me...like that."

Aislinn realized now that a part of his refusal to let her stay and help him with the withdrawal was his pride, and she folded her lips in for a moment and nodded her head. "I can understand that, Cullen."

For a brief moment, Cullen thought she was actually about to let him have his way, but then she asked him, "So, who _else_ would you want to see you like that? I'll have to tell them to come and stay with you."

Definitely no one he could think of. Just as he'd thought, he couldn't win this battle apparently. He gave her a look that told her he didn't like it, but said, "No one."

She was trying to hide her smile and remain as casual as possible, but it _was_ hard. She just told him idly, "Then I'll be here first thing in the morning the day after tomorrow."

She heard him letting a little groan as he turned to finishing stacking the dishes back onto the tray, and she grinned when he wasn't looking. Her hands folded behind her back, as he'd stood up straight again, she added, "I'll see myself out," and turned to head to the door. "Sleep well, Cullen."

Watching her going, he said as casually as possible, "I'll try. Pleasant dreams."

Smiling, Aislinn opened the door and left the room, and Cullen relaxed his posture completely, feeling as if he'd just lost about a hundred pounds somehow. It was a pleasant feeling however, euphoric, and it was all because of her. He had no idea how he was going to make himself focus on enough work during the next day to get everything he needed to do done before his treatment, but he supposed he'd just have to force himself to buckle down.

He just hoped it wouldn't be anymore trying than it had been before, thinking of her while trying to keep himself focused on a particular task. One thing Cullen had always been thankful for was that she'd never been present in the training yards before he'd officially joined the Order. He likely would have cut off one of his hands accidentally if she had been, or worse.

With the thought in mind, he turned to finish cleaning up and put his mind on other things, such as the days coming ahead of him as he was going to attempt to get off of the Lyrium. That was what he needed to put his mind on, otherwise there was a chance that it might not go as easily as it could, though he was sure he'd be able to do it with the help he was being offered. That wasn't what worried him.

It was what might happen in the meantime while he was going through withdrawals that scared him.


	24. Withdrawal

_XXIV. Withdrawal_

"So, Ser cullen has opted to take the treatment today?"

Marleyna spoke the words while standing near one of the alters set up for prayer in the Chantry, and Aislinn, not too far away from her, gave a nod of her head silently. It was very early in the morning when the day for most people began to start, and the silence following Marleyna's question made her turn her head to look back at the mage to see if she was still paying attention to the conversation. "Aislinn?"

Aislinn snapped out of her daze as soon as she heard her name and looked up quickly, asking, "What?"

"You said Cullen was going to be taking the treatment?"

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry, I've been having a little trouble focusing today."

Marleyna wanted to smile, turning to face the woman completely while asking, "Did you sleep well enough last night?"

"I slept like a rock," Aislinn replied, then looked at the Revered Mother. She knew why she was having trouble, but she didn't want to admit to herself that it had anything to do with the Knight Commander. She figured it was the mage in her trying to be wary of being too happy about things of that nature, but the part of her that wasn't bitter knew it was all because of him. All she could think about was the dinner they'd had and, more importantly, the things they'd said to each other. It was honestly driving Aislinn up a wall.

After she'd left Cullen's chambers and went to go tuck Gracie into bed, she'd gone back to her room in a daze and barely remembered to shut her chamber door. She'd slept soundly that evening, and the next day, teaching some of the younger mages, the students had to get her attention back on the subject at least three times. None of them knew about anything going on however, probably chalked it all up to a bad night's worth of sleep, and Aislinn scolded herself for her lack of focus.

But she could only imagine that, if she were in that kind of a daze, Cullen must have been walking into walls. She'd grinned when she had the thought, had been sitting across from Uwen at the time, who saw the look and asked her what it was about, and she'd lied and told him it was something Gracie had done earlier in the day. But the thought of Cullen's awkwardness when it came to her and then imagining him being in some kind of daze that made him walk into a wall was priceless.

She was betting he had, and she'd ask him the next she saw him.

That morning, Aislinn was still a little unfocused. She couldn't help it though, not only having her mind on Cullen, but also on the treatment he was going to be taking. She'd come by the Chantry to let Marleyna know about it since she wasn't certain Cullen had told her or not because she hadn't been able to see him the day beforehand.

Bringing herself back to the present however, she told Marleyna the truth, that she'd slept well the night before, and waited to see what the Revered Mother might say about it.

"I see," Marleyna drew out after a moment, and the longer Aislinn watched her, the more the older woman began to smile. "You must have had a pleasant time the other evening then."

"Don't play coy," Aislinn drew out, smiling finally. "You're the one who...," she trailed off and looked around, a thought entering her head before she glanced back at Marleyna and asked more softly, "wait, why _did_ you tell him to speak with me about everything? Shouldn't you be warning him away from me? I mean, I understand your stances, but that seems a little odd, even coming from you."

Nodding as if knowing Aislinn deserved an answer to that question, Marleyna held out a hand and said, "Walk with me, child, we have a few things we need to discuss."

Aislinn didn't deny her, turning to walk on with the woman and they ended up heading toward the back of the Chantry, and as they went, Marleyna began to speak. "I'm worried about several things, Aislinn, most of those worries settled around the Chantry. Granted, there'll always be a Chantry, and those seeking knowledge, but I have quite a few things on my mind these days."

The words confused Aislinn, who showed it, giving the Revered Mother a look before asking her, "What do you mean by that?"

"Let's just say that foundations have been shaken, and it's all too apparent that the old ways are fading now," Marleyna explained to her. "I told Cullen to speak with you because I felt that you both needed it. I think it would be a good thing, regardless of the fact that I can't offer an official sanction for anything to continue between the two of you, at least, not in meeting the rest of the Chantry's approval, and there's two reasons for that."

They'd come to a stop near the atrium at the back of the room, and Aislinn waited for an explanation which she didn't ask for because she knew it was coming anyway. Like clockwork, Marleyna told her, "One is that no one can seem to make up their minds on what's acceptable and what isn't now. Some would, naturally, say that it isn't allowed, may cause bias or an imbalance in control, and nothing could come of it. But recently, others would argue that these are outdated ways, things that need to be looked into and renewed."

Quietly, Aislinn registered that and asked, "You're saying that the clergy has been arguing with one another because some feel it's time to make a few changes?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Sadly, those arguments aren't going very well either. The second reason I mentioned is that those who are clinging to the old ways are doing so with fervor. For instance, if I took it upon myself to officially sanction a courtship between a mage and a Templar here as an example, this goes against what's established, and the chances are I'd be labeled a radical along with the rest of this Chantry, which would put this Circle in danger and all of the people in it."

Aislinn couldn't help but stare at Marleyna, her jaw slightly unhinged. "You're not teasing me, are you?," she asked after a moment, her eyes squinting a bit in scrutiny of the older woman. "They haven't become _that_ paranoid, have they?"

Aislinn was hoping for this to be a tease, but Marleyna's countenance was solemn however, and she shook her head, "This is the one time I wish I could say I was teasing, child. It appears they have, in fact, lost a good bit of faith in the rest of us. I received word from Denerim this morning that one of the Grand Clerics from Orlais has sent her entourage to make sure everything in the Chantry there is being practiced as it should be, which tells me that the Divine either isn't happy with all of the tensions going on, or that she in the very least has no choice, and needs to allow certain things to appease those who don't have enough faith."

This just sounded crazy. That was the only thing that Aislinn could think. As she continued those musings, she said, "If this keeps up, the Chantry itself could..."

"Break into sects," Marleyna finished for her when she trailed off. Then she nodded slowly, "It could easily happen, and it worries me. As I'd said, there will always be a Chantry and people seeking knowledge. But what Chantry would they be seeking knowledge from, that's the question."

Aislinn looked down in consideration. Were things really that bad? She had to really wonder over it. Two sects of the Chantry? Perhaps the old and the new? Aislinn honestly didn't know what to make of such a thing, as the implications it would have on _everyone_ were extreme to say the least.

"Before you go to thinking this over," Marleyna started, interrupting Aislinn's thoughts, "I would have you know more of the facts, otherwise you'll be making assumptions. The Divine herself has been entertaining notions of the members of the clergy who think real change is needed, which is why I question her motivation in allowing entourages to be sent to make sure Chantries are functioning properly."

"And what kinds of ideas have been presented to her?"

"That I'm not completely certain of, but the treatment of mages I do know is one of them."

"Really?," Aislinn asked. "This didn't start with the destruction of Kirkwall's Chantry, did it?" Aislinn had a hard time envisioning that since it was a mage who'd destroyed that Chantry.

"Offhand, I'd said no, however, I do believe it got the ball rolling. If it hadn't been for that, the Templar Order wouldn't have rebelled, at least, not so soon considering what you and I know, but now that some of it has, the clergy is taking notice."

Aislinn couldn't help but snort, "All of this and those letters I found weren't even shown to everyone yet."

"Imagine if they were now that _this_ is happening," Marleyna drew out in a knowing fashion, then she let a little sigh of breath. "Sadly, with the way things are going, I would be labeled a radical, Aislinn. I must be honest about this. The actions I've condoned in this Circle, though beneficial to improving the system, and in no way contradictory to anything the Chantry holds sacred, are tender topics right now, and I fear much more prodding will irritate the wound its sustained too much to simply ignore it."

"I understand, but...even still, I'm curious why you told Cullen that he should speak with me."

Marlyena gave her a smile and a nod. "I know it seems strange, with everything I've just mentioned. But in all honesty, you don't know just how many I've denied a chance to, and all because of the fear that allowing such things could somehow spoil or ruin what the Chantry holds sacred. I've regretted denying those things on many an occasion. There's also the thought that I've had that love, be it the love of a friend or a romantic love, is something the Maker values, loving others is a virtue. With this in mind," she looked down in thought, then back up and said, "I sometimes wonder if denying it is, partly, denying the Maker."

That wasn't something Aislinn had ever thought on before. She could see what Marleyna was trying to say however, and she considered it. While she did, Marleyna went on to finish by saying, "It seems as hypocritical to me as preaching that using blood magic to control the mind of a man is sinful, yet addicting Templars to Lyrium, which could easily control men as well, isn't."

Aislinn understood this, supplying aloud, "That's true. Not all blood magic spells are based around controlling minds, but it's _all_ condemned from use completely because it could very easily be used for malevolent purposes. Yet addicting a Templar to Lyrium, which isn't necessarily controlling him but can also easily do so if he's denied it, is still allowable."

Marleyna was giving a small nod of her head, saying, "Fine lines they may be, but they _are_ lines nonetheless, and it doesn't make it any better in the eyes of our Maker. So I have to remain vigilant in _his_ eyes, regardless of how the Chantry looks upon me. This is why I told him to speak with you about matters. They can claim I'm a radical if they so wish, but turning my back on what I've learned to be right in _His_ eyes, taught to me by the Chantry itself even, in order to fit their needs, is not something I can allow myself to do."

Something in the way Marleyna spoke those words struck a nerve in Aislinn, and her face became worried as she asked, "They're sending someone here, aren't they?"

Marleyna held Aislinn's gaze for a moment, then reached out a hand and placed it on her shoulder. "I don't know for certain, but because of the entourage being sent to Denerim, Grand Cleric Betisia is has mentioned sending the Revered Mother Eliana here with a small group for...inspection, yes. All in keeping with current standards."

Aislinn's brows narrow when Marleyna said that. "Inspection? What _kind_ of inspection?"

"What they would call the healing kind. If she _does_ send them, they won't arrive for a while now, and I'm certain they'll point out things, whatever they can find. However, I doubt much will be said. I've known Eliana for a long time, we're good friends, and I know how she thinks. In recent years, she's also been bothered by the way some things have been. Whatever she says will likely stay with me."

"Well, that's a point in our favor then. Perhaps, because she knows you, she won't make a fuss."

"Which was why I wasn't sure I should mention it to you at first, because I thought it may worry you needlessly," Marleyna informed her. "In either case, now that you know, you should tell the rest of the Senior Mages, and Ser Cullen as well so that he can prepare his men for any potential visits once he's over the effects of his first treatment."

"Yes, I'll definitely have to tell him that. Hopefully their visit won't coincide with his second treatment though. There's no way to tell for certain how he might react to it, though I doubt he'll have any problems. But if he does...it _could_ be disastrous for them to find out about it."

Marleyna looked thoughtful, her face waylaying that there was much on her mind, and Aislinn couldn't help but think that the woman was overburdened. So to lighten the mood, she smiled and asked her, "By the way, Cullen told me you figured it out." She perked a single brow and asked, "How did you do that?"

Marleyna looked back at her and then smiled warmly, an expression Aislinn had hoped she would see, listening as the Revered Mother said, "_You_ told me."

Aislinn blinked in confusion. "What?"

"When you came to pray in the Chantry," Marleyna explained. "I've never once seen you do so before, and when Cullen told me of his troubles, I put two and two together," she chuckled softly. "Cullen isn't the first of the Order to run into the kind of problem he said he had."

"I see," Aislinn replied, giving a slow nod. "In that case, I'll have to be more careful where I decide to pray at next time, won't I?"

That made Marleyna laugh genuinely, a warm sound that filled the Chantry and, Aislinn noticed, made a few Sisters passing through smile over at her in amusement. Aislinn just grinned while waiting on the Revered Mother to sober up from her mirth.

Once Marleyna had, she looked back at Aislinn with a fond smile and said, "I'm sorry, my dear. I hadn't meant to be a snoopy old woman. But I am glad to know about it regardless. I think it's a good sign that all is not as lost as it would seem, and it warms me."

Those words made Aislinn smile. Regardless of what might happen between herself and Cullen, she was happy to see that Marleyna found goodness in it, and that it gave the woman hope. In return, she told her, "It warms _me_ to know that I have such a good friend in you, even if we don't always agree on everything we discuss. Not many mages have been able to say the same thing, especially of a Mother serving the Chantry."

"I know, which troubles me. But you and the rest here know that my doors are always open." Marleyna told her this as she'd stepped in a bit and put a hand on Aislinn's cheek, still smiling. "You've a good heart, one that's in the right place, Aislinn. Whatever mistakes you make, and whatever path you're sent down, always remember that for me."

"I will," she promised, smiling at Marleyna.

"Good girl," Marleyna nodded, lowering her hands and folding them both together against her stomach. "But now, I fear you have an appointment to keep. You should go on and take care of that business. Send Ser Cullen my blessings if you would please."

Aislinn agreed with a nod, knowing that she needed to go now for the treatment he was going to go through that day. "Thank you, Revered Mother. I'll be sure to relay your all of your other messages as well."

Marleyna smiled and then watched Aislinn turning to go, and as the mage left the Chantry, she tilted her head down, her expression thoughtful as she took a step and began to head to her study.

Aislinn went up to Cullen's Chambers, and when she reached the corridor, she saw Dreyan and two other Templars, one of them being Alec, standing inside of his chambers, the doors open enough to see inside. They were likely getting rid of anything Cullen had in his room to make sure it couldn't be used as a weapon, and even searching to make sure he hadn't hid any Lyrium anywhere. It had happened before, after all, as sad as it was, and as Aislinn walked toward the doors, she thought about her conversation with Marleyna over Lyrium being a control device.

It really was sad, and no one would ever know the extent of that sadness until they had to witness one of these treatments being given. Aislinn honestly felt badly for the men who had to go through it. It wasn't a pleasant sight, and it definitely wasn't right. With that thought in mind, she was doubly concerned for Cullen. Many of the Templars hadn't realized just how badly they'd feel without the Lyrium, and she hoped that Cullen had at least a semblance of an idea because that would hopefully make things easier on him.

Cullen, standing in his room, watched as Dreyan and the two Templars with him, Alec and one he only barely knew so far named Argis, made sure to clear his chambers of any weapons, including his sword and shield and his uniform, as well as other objects that might've been able to be considered dangerous. This included the oil lamps on his tables and even a vase that was sitting over the hearth which could be broken and a shard of it used as a shiv of some type.

Cullen hadn't hidden any Lyrium in his room because he knew it would have been pointless. He also gave Dreyan the order to oversee everything while he would be going through withdrawals, which included to ignore anything he tried to command the Captain to do while in that state until Aislinn deemed him fit to assume command again, and looked up when he saw movement from the corner of his eyes.

Aislinn had come walking in after the Templars carried most of the items out while Dreyan related his own experience with taking the tonic Melrath had offered to his commander. After he was done speaking, Alec settled a flask down onto the table and told Cullen, "Trust me, Ser, you'll want to chase it with Ale. It's the most bloody horrid thing I've ever tasted before, and anything less than Ale just doesn't do to get the taste out of your mouth."

"Thank you," Cullen said, his tone a little less than enthusiastic however, and he looked over to see Aislinn going through his books on the shelves by the hearth while they'd been speaking.

"You're welcome," Alec nodded, then he turned to head to the door.

Dreyan was just behind him, and he said, "Good luck, Commander, but I doubt you'll really need it."

Alec added, "The Commander's as tough as nails, Captain, after what he survived in the woods with those blood mages it's obvious. He'll probably just walk out of here like nothing happened."

Alec had chuckled over that, and Cullen was glad the man had faith in him at least. He thanked them both and let them shut the door and lock it from the outside.

Once the door was shut, Aislinn tugged a book off of the shelf, and she turned around, walking to settle herself at the sofa against the wall near the window. As she did, she looked up at Cullen and said, "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Well enough," he replied, looking over at her. "Did you?"

"Yes, I did," she gave with a nod. Aislinn wasn't entirely used to seeing him out of uniform, his current attire a simple brown leather jerkin over a white tunic and a pair of brown pants which, honestly, she thought he looked very handsome in. She couldn't help but give him a once over in the outfit as well as she went on to say, "I've been a little dazed for the past two days though, you know, nearly walking into walls, tripping over my own two feet, that sort of thing."

She watched him carefully after she'd said that, watching as he stared at her a little bit blankly. So she asked, "What about you?"

"I...why?," he asked before he gave her an answer.

"Thinking about you," she admitted with no shame. "The things we said the other night got me distracted."

"Oh...well, I'm...sorry," he started, unsure what to say in specific. "I've also had moments...like that." He waved a hand toward his table and then admitted, "I tripped over the corner of my table yesterday morning if it...makes you feel any better."

Aislinn started snickering. She hadn't _actually_ tripped over anything, but she knew she easily could have. She didn't tell him that however, only nodded and said, "As long as you weren't hurt, then yes, it makes me feel better."

She was grinning and despite his current state of mind, the grin put a little smile on his face. Seeing her smiling was just contagious to him, and he told her, "I was hoping to keep focused on what was going to happen today but...you're right, the things we said the other evening proved to be too much to ignore."

"I'm glad for that," Aislinn replied. She really was if for the only reason that it meant she wasn't the sole person being preoccupied with things. But instead of expounding on the details for the time being, she remembered her messages for Cullen and said, "Oh, I also forgot to mention that I had a talk with Marleyna before I came here, and she sends you her blessings."

Cullen turned to walk over to the sofa on which Aislinn was settled while she told him this, glad to have the woman's blessing indeed. While settling down next to Aislinn, she went on to say, "She also told me some...things about the Chantry and how some are a bit up in arms with traditions being questioned. She wanted me to warn you that there may be an...inspection that you'll need to prepare your men for."

Sitting back, Cullen's brows furrowed in a bit of confusion and curiosity, asking her, "What? Inspection? What kind of...inspection?"

"Well, she says that basic Chantry values and practices are being questioned by some, so the Divine is allowing her Grand Clerics to send entourages to various Chantries to make sure that everything is being handled as it should be. She doesn't know for certain if one will come here, but she wants us to be prepared just incase it is."

"I see," Cullen drew out, though he actually didn't, at least, not in a complete sense. "What does she mean by values being questioned though?"

Shaking her head, Aislinn informed him, "Well, some think a few changes are needed according to Marleyna, but those who don't are clinging to what is what now with fervor, and it's causing a bit of an uproar. That's all." Aislinn didn't want to go into too many details because Cullen needed to be focused on other things, not be worried about Chantry policies being challenged by members of the Chantry itself.

So she turned to face him a little more and changed the subject, asking, "So, are you ready to take the tonic now, or did you have some last minute questions?"

That seemed to do the trick. His expression changed from one that was trying to figure things out to one that seemed to have answers. "I had thought of one, yes." Turning his green eyes over to her, he asked, "When will I take another dose of Lyrium after I've had the tonic?"

"Sometime tomorrow morning if you take it right now," Aislinn replied. "I have to wait nearly a day before I can offer you any without worrying that it will undo the effects of the tonic, and it won't be a full dose, so it will take some time for you to recover from the withdrawal, at least, longer than normal anyway."

Now that he had that information, he looked back at the vial he carried in his hand, taking a deep breath. Watching him, seeing his uncertainty, Aislinn asked, "Are you nervous?"

"No, just...wary, that's all."

He looked down when he felt her putting her hand on his, seeing her fingers curling around his palm gently, then looked over at her as she told him, "I'm here for you, Cullen. You won't be alone."

"That's what I'm wary of," he admitted, then sighed out a soft breath. "But I suppose I may need your support."

She offered a warm smile to him, saying, "Well, the sooner it gets done, the better. Try to down it all in one gulp, it might make you gag a little otherwise."

Cullen knew she was right, so he reached up to take the lid off of the vial and then lifted it to his mouth, hesitating for a brief moment. Though they said it tasted terrible, he couldn't smell anything and he thought he might, but he finally tipped the vial back and downed it all before he could even think about how it might taste. Aislinn had turned and grabbed the flask that Alec had left and looked back just when Cullen had downed the tonic to see the worst expression on his face she thought she'd ever seen, pulling the cap off of the flask and handing it to him quickly when he reached for it. He took it without question and began to down the contents.

Aislinn couldn't help but grin over it.

Cullen had never been a drinker, and he'd never tried ale before, mostly out of a lack of interest. Now that he had, it was official, ale was not a nice tasting drink, but compared to the tonic he'd just had, it was like the preferred nectar of the Maker Himself. Cullen issued no complaints whatsoever.

But Aislinn was smiling and chuckling, which made him look over whenever he'd gotten finished with the flask, and she took from him and screwed the cap back onto. "Taste good?"

"It was lovely," he drew out, still slightly smacking his lips to try to get as much of the taste out of his mouth as possible. When it wouldn't go away, he reached over and told her, "Give me the flask back."

Aislinn laughed again, and handed it back to him, allowing him to take another drink of it to get rid of the taste completely. While he was working on that, she suggested with a smile, "Well, shall we read a book then? It will help to pass the time."

"Very well," Cullen replied, somehow glad that she was acting so casually because it was putting his worries at ease, and he saw her pulling up the book she'd grabbed from his shelf, which was The Glass Cup, before she stood up. Once she was standing, she turned around and took his hand, pulling him up as well.

"Come on, you'll need to lay down. I don't want you suddenly becoming dizzy and falling on the way into bed."

Cullen decided to simply listen to her instead of arguing since he wanted to try to conserve all of his strength if he needed it later, and he stood, then walked over to his bed and turned to sit down on it. What he didn't expect to see was Aislinn moving to the other side so that she could settle down next to him, tugging her slippers off of her feet and placing them neatly side by side next to where she was going to lay back after she'd propped the pillows up.

He watched her, getting himself situated just as she was, and he couldn't help but ask, "I'm taking it you didn't do this with _all_ of the Templars, did you?"

"Of course not," she chuckled out before glancing over at him. There was a good bit of room between them on the bed, and she asked, "You don't mind, do you?"

"I...uh...no," he shook his head, settling with his hands folded across his lower stomach. "Not at all."

From the corner of his eyes, Cullen noticed Aislinn grinning, so he looked over and asked her curiously, "What?"

"Nothing, I just think you're cute," she said, looking down at the book and opening it.

His brows narrowed. "Cute?"

"Yes, and sweet."

He perked a brow.

"Not to forget very handsome."

A soft groan.

"Fun to tease about it too."

Cullen tilted his head back and closed his eyes, his cheeks burning surely enough. He heard her snickering when he did so, and fought his own smile, asking, "Are you going to tease me the entire time then?"

"No, I'm done for now," she chuckled, turning the pages in the book until she was at the first one. "But as soon as I think of something else to tease you over, I'll be sure to let you know."

He didn't reply, deciding that he if did, she'd only find something else witty to say to bait him with, but then she suddenly added, "Oh, and you're extremely charming when you're grumpy."

"Maker's breath," he sighed out, looking over at her, asking, "I'm not...why are you..."

He came to a stop when he saw her giving him the plainest, most patient look of anticipation that he thought he'd ever seen, just waiting on him to say what he was going to say - and there was a good bit of mirth in her silver eyes. When he stopped though, she asked, "No one, specifically a woman, has _ever_ said those things to you before?"

He sat back again, sighing softly, then finally told her, "I haven't...only on occasion."

She fought the urge to snort in laughter over the way he'd said that. "What did you do when someone _did_ then?" She _had_ to ask him that question.

He shrugged plainly, "Pretended not to hear them."

Aislinn stared at him, deciding this was just too much not to get more information on. "Why? I mean, I know you're shy, but does it embarrass you that much?"

"Not always," he shot back, looking over at her, lifting a hand to motion idly as he then said, "It was just easier than trying to figure out _what_ to say, specifically when in the Gallows."

Aislinn pursed her lips and eyed him in scrutiny. Cullen stared back at her in turn. Finally, she asked, "Who were they?"

He drew a blank. He hadn't paid any of them much mind, shrugging at her slightly. "I...don't precisely recall. A few...ladies here and there..."

"No one in the Gallows?," she teased. "Were there any lady Templars in Kirkwall?"

"I think most of them were too intimidated to say anything to be honest. At least, they never seemed to like being about me for too long unless they needed to. Perhaps because of my rank."

Aislinn grinned, able to believe him when he said that, at least, about any lady Templars, then looked at the book again with a shake of her head. She began reading instead of continuing the conversation, and Cullen let his mind wander away from the topic they'd been discussing as well and onto the words she was speaking, realizing along the way that she was a very good reader. He liked hearing the way she spoke the lines in the story and made it nicely dramatic without going over the top, his eyes closed as he envisioned everything going on.

Aislinn eventually rolled onto her side, facing Cullen, laying the book between them, and she continued on, looking up at him every now and again while his eyes were closed to make sure he was alright and the symptoms hadn't started yet. But there was nothing so far, and she just continued on for the moment.

After a while, she had to stop and get up because her mouth was dry from all of the speaking, and Cullen opened his eyes when she said she'd continue in a moment, watching her walking across the room to the table where there was a wooden cup and a pitcher filled with water. He also watched her twin following her in the exact same manner, and he squinted, realizing it had started. The tonic was apparently going to work, getting rid of the Lyrium in his system. When he opened his eyes again, he expected to see that the double vision was gone since usually, at first, that worked.

But it was persisting.

He blinked his eyes a few times and then focused them a bit harder when she turned around, asking him, "How are you feeling anyway?"

"Fine," he replied, looking up when Aislinn came walking around to his side of the bed.

She'd noticed his eyes looked a little red, and he glanced away from her as she drew near, which made her reach over and place her fingers on his chin and say, "Look at me, Cullen."

Slowly, he obliged her as she tilted his face back in her direction, his eyes settling on her, but then darting to the side as she watched like he might've been seeing more than one of her. Seeing this, Aislinn held up two fingers and asked, "How many fingers do you see?"

"What?"

"How many?"

Cullen let a soft sigh out, hesitated, then said uncertainly, "Four."

Aislinn shook her head. Following the movement, she turned and sat down on the bed next to him, asking, "Why didn't you say you were seeing double?"

"I just now realized it."

"Is that how it usually starts out?"

"Yes, followed by–," Cullen was about to tell her he felt waves of dizziness a little afterwards, but he stopped when he suddenly grunted and put an arm over his stomach, feeling pain shooting through his sides. It wasn't unbearable, just muscle cramping, but he'd never experienced it before with a withdrawal.

"What...," he rasped out, then cringed, "this isn't...normal."

"You're cramping up. It's alright, it happens sometimes. You'll be fine in a few minutes," Aislinn reassured him, pushing herself up and climbing over him onto the bed while saying, "Come on, sit up for a minute."

She helped him as he had to work to sit forward, feeling the pain shooting down his back. Aislinn got behind him and lifted her hands to his shoulder blades, asking him, "Is it here?"

"Yes, shooting into my...sides," he replied, taking a deep breath as he tensed.

Aislinn let her fingers work over the area, kneading while a blue glow began to light before seeping into him as she was working the muscle in his upper back - which she wasn't surprised was so hard - and began to draw her fingers down to his sides as she went. The magic she was using would help to relax his muscles, and before long, she felt him easing up a bit. When he did that, she asked, "Is that any better?"

"I...yes, it's starting to...but..."

"What? Dizzy now?"

"How...how did you...know?"

"That's how it usually happens. Come on," she took his shoulders and gently pulled him back so he could rest against the pillows again, "lay back down, you shouldn't feel much more pain, if any at all." She didn't tell him it was because she'd cast a spell to help to relax him because that wasn't quite so important, but she knew he wouldn't because of the spell.

Once she'd helped him to lay down and he was properly settled against the pillows again, she asked, "Should I continue reading now?"

Cullen wasn't sure. He didn't feel as if he couldn't think straight, but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear more of the story just then either, even from her. So he told her, "No, not right now."

Still sitting next to him on the mattress with her legs folded beneath herself, Aislinn nodded and asked, "Did you want to try to get a little sleep?"

"No, I'm...fine," he replied, taking a breath. After a moment of thought over something they could talk about, he said, "Tell me about your family."

The sudden request made her brows lift. "My family?"

"Yes," he nodded, then looked up at her. This would be perfect to get his mind off of his worries. "How are you related to Hawke?"

"Oh, Garrett?," she inquired, seeing why he would ask this now. When Cullen nodded, she told him, "He's the grandson of my own grandfather's brother, that was my great uncle Kale. Kale's daughter was Garrett's mother, so...we're second or third cousins respectively." Following the explanation, she asked, "Did you see Garrett in Kirkwall often?"

Cullen was so used to calling him Hawke that he almost asked her who she meant, but he caught on and nodded his head, "Yes, he helped the Templars more than once before everything happened at the Gallows."

Aislinn smiled, asking, "You _did_ know he's a mage before then, didn't you?"

"Not at first, but eventually, yes, I knew," he replied, then looked back up at her slowly to see that she had a curious expression on her face.

That's when she asked, "Why didn't you bring him into the Gallows then?"

"Because he'd done so much to help the Templars in Kirkwall that I decided not to report him to Meredith. I simply feigned ignorance. After that, his status as a citizen rose, and Meredith herself allowed him certain...leniencies."

That surprised Aislinn that Cullen would let a mage roam free like that. Perhaps Garrett had done a great deal, however. She couldn't imagine he'd be named the Champion of the city for nothing after all. The Amell's, she considered for a moment, then smiled at Cullen and said, "It's funny how many mages there are in my family. Myself, Garrett, Bethany, my Great Aunt Rianis, yet it still retains a noble status."

He smiled at her when she mentioned that, but something about the expression was a bit vague, and he then shook his head and asked, "I'm sorry, who are they again? Your family?"

Forgetfulness, another sign that the withdrawal had started. "Yes, but nevermind," Aislinn replied, "I was just rambling."

"Oh," he drew out slowly, nodding somewhat blankly at her. He then watched Aislinn settling on her side and he looked over at her, saying in a slight subject change, "I don't see two of you anymore."

"That's good," Aislinn smiled, reaching out to take his hand, and she threaded her fingers through his. She knew the worst of the withdrawal was yet to come, but she just pulled his hand against her chest and said, "Everything's going fine."

"What's going fine?," he asked her, not sure what she was talking about.

"Everything," she repeated. "It's a beautiful day outside, and I've got good company."

"Ah, yes," he spoke as if he'd only just noticed, staring out of the window for a moment. "It is a pleasant day, isn't it?"

Aislinn watched him quietly, sad that he had to go through this, but she wasn't going to leave his side, no matter what. She squeezed his hand as if to silently reassure him of that, and that's when she heard him humming a little tune. It made her look back up at his face. His eyes had close as he made the soft sounds, a pleasant song, and it went on for a few minutes while she listened to it.

Finally, she asked him, "What song is that?"

He seemed to have forgotten she was there, but he didn't look very surprised when he saw her. Instead, he just gave her the reply, "A song Sister Justinia used to hum to me."

"Who's Sister Justinia?"

"She was...uh...," he drew out, looking over at her with narrowed brows, "She was...my...," his brows furrowed, "I'm sorry...what was I saying?"

"Sister Justinia?"

A brief pause lapsed before he asked, "My caretaker?"

Aislinn decided that was her answer, and she nodded, "Yes, you said she used to hum to you."

"Oh, right, yes. It put me to sleep at night when I was a young boy. She had a lovely singing voice."

Aislinn smiled over how he'd spoken that, all while wondering what it had to be like for him to be so forgetful and delirious in this state, wondering if, at current, he even realized he was going through a treatment to get off of the Lyrium he was addicted to. She'd started stroking her thumb across the back of his hand, and while she did, she noticed it had started shaking. That wasn't a good sign.

"Aislinn," he said as she'd noticed this, having a moment of lucidity, "it's getting worse."

"I'm right here, Cullen." She spoke in the most soothing voice she could muster and sat up, then scooted a little closer. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No," he shook his head, taking in a deep breath, squeezing her hand in his slowly. "I...I just want a dose of the dust."

Just like she'd suspected, the need for more Lyrium had finally hit him. Aislinn frowned and said gently, "I know you do. But you have to wait first."

"I...don't want to...wait," he replied, his eyes still closed for the moment. "I...I feel like...I need it now."

Aislinn stayed quiet, trying to think of the best response to give him, but before she could consider it for long, he started to sit up, turning his legs as if he were ready to stand. That made her grab his shoulders and pull him back gently, saying, "Cullen, lay down. Even if you get to the door, it's locked from the outside."

"What? Why?," he asked, having apparently forgotten the exact reason. "Who's locked us in here?"

"Captain Dreyan has, for protection."

It was a roundabout truth anyway, Aislinn thought to herself, and held onto Cullen's arm with both of her hands, using his forgetfulness against him by saying, "I thought you said you needed to lay down for a minute and clear your head anyway."

"Oh, I...yes, I forgot," he replied, and that did the trick. Cullen turned and began to lay back against the pillows again, and Aislinn let an inaudible sigh of breath. She had no idea how long he'd be complacent like this though, so she enjoyed it while it lasted.

Several moments passed in silence, and she could tell Cullen was struggling with himself. It was hard to figure out whether he was lucid or not when he wasn't speaking though. So she just waited, stroking his arm while he lay there, and just when she was about to ask his name, she heard him saying, "Aislinn, I don't think I've ever...wanted a dose of Lyrium...this badly. I can't...stop shaking."

She didn't stop herself from leaning over him, taking his hand again while pushing the other behind his head so she could lean just over him, able to feel the tremors going through him as she told him on a strong tone of voice, "Look at me."

It took him a moment, but he complied, looking up at her as he felt like his whole body was about to fall apart. He was aching a bit, had the shakes, and didn't want to stay still. But he looked up at her slowly, and once he'd met her eyes, she told him, "I love you, Cullen, and I'm going to get you through this. You're _not_ alone."

He tried to focus on her, on those words, and for a few minutes, it helped him. She'd begun casting a spell as well to try to rejuvenate him and make this easier to deal with, and that was also calming, helped him to remind himself that he was strong enough to deal with this. But the desire to get his hands on the dust was just growing stronger and stronger with time.

Aislinn whispered to him, "Talk to me. Tell me how you feel."

This was much more personal for her than any of the others had been. Seeing Cullen like this hurt her, but she'd rather see him like this than being addicted to something he didn't have to be for the rest of his life. Once he was off of the Lyrium, he'd never have to worry about getting another dose in time before the withdrawal set in and he ended up not even sure where he was.

Cullen wanted to respond to her, squeezing his eyes shut while trying to get it all together so he could be reasonable about this, but reason wasn't coming, nor was clear thought itself. The need he felt gnawing at his gut was becoming excruciating, getting to a level he'd never really experienced before, and without warning, he suddenly pushed her off of him and turned to get up and out of bed.

Aislinn didn't go far despite the shove, only landed on the mattress next to where he'd been laying, and she turned as Cullen got up and slipped to the other side of the bed, saying, "Cullen, lay back down!"

"I will not," he replied, his voice full of irritated ire.

"Listen to me, you're–"

"Stay out of this, _mage_!," he commanded her on a stern tone of voice she knew he had, but had never heard him using with her before, interrupting her completely. Aislinn felt absolutely no insult however, because she knew this wasn't him. This was all his need for the Lyrium.

"I will _not_ stay out of it, Cullen," she replied as she headed in behind him and took his hand as he tried to reach the door. Before she could even attempt to say anything though, he turned and pushed her back once again, which wasn't a hard shove, but it was hard enough to make her stumble into the table behind her and knock a chair over.

"Cullen!"

The crash of furniture the shove caused drew attention from outside of the room, and Cullen stopped walking when the door opened and Dreyan stepped inside with Alec just behind him, looking from Cullen and to Aislinn, then back at his commander again, gauging the situation.

Seeing that apparently Cullen had shoved Aislinn, who'd just managed to right herself, Dreyan said on a serious tone of voice, "Ser, get back into bed."

"What?," Cullen asked him.

"I said, get back into bed. If I hear anymore out of you, I'll be forced to take more extreme measures. So lay back down."

Cullen looked over at Aislinn, then back at Dreyan, everything spinning. He wasn't sure if he'd been betrayed or if this was all legitimate, and he put a hand up on his head as he accused angrily, "One of you is against me!"

"Cullen, no, it's just the withdrawal," Aislinn tried to tell him calmly. "Just breathe slowly and deeply."

"No, I want to...," he trailed, turning to leave the room again so he could try to find more of the dust, and stopped when he heard a sword being pulled from its sheath, followed by another. Dreyan stood there with his weapon in hand, which was nothing more than a scare tactic honestly enough, Alec doing the same thing, and Cullen narrowed his brows at Dreyan.

"I'm sorry, Commander," Dreyan informed him, "but I can't allow you to leave this room, by your own orders."

"_My_ orders?," Cullen asked. "Then consider yourself reassigned. The both of you. Now...move from my path."

"No," Dreyan refused. Looking over, he said, "Alec, he's not cooperating. Get the rope."

When Cullen heard this, he took more drastic action. As if Dreyan might've actually attacked him with his sword, he moved around to the side and grabbed Alec's arm, jerking it back before he rammed his fist into the man's nose hard enough to break it. Alec stumbled back with a yell of pain, but because Cullen was disoriented, he wasn't fast enough to escape Dreyan's sudden retaliation, which had been to grab him from behind and lock his arms into place around Cullen's torso.

Aislinn wasn't unused to such violent displays from some of the men, but she hadn't expected Cullen to actually break one of the Templar's noses in order to try to get out of the room in escape. Still, she reacted quickly before Cullen could put up much of a struggle and healed Alec with magic so the Templar could help in getting Cullen back to the bed. Alec didn't take long either, already moving in even though his nose had been broken, to help his Captain get the unruly Commander back to the mattress while Aislinn watched them both pinning him down so they could secure him to the bed.

It broke her heart to see this, to watch them struggling to bind Cullen in place, all while Cullen was trying and failing to get free of them, but she didn't allow herself to stop watching. She'd told Cullen she'd be there for him, and that was exactly what she was going to do, which meant continuing to watch even if she didn't like what she was seeing. But she had to make sure she steadied herself, because the sight of it was making her eyes sting with tears.

Finally, they got him down, and they stood back while he struggled to get free. Cullen was so out of it he wasn't even sure why they'd done this to him, demanding an explanation in a disoriented fashion, which Dreyan declined to give for the moment because he knew Cullen wouldn't remember it anyway. He turned and looked back at Aislinn, asking her, "Are you alright, my lady? Do you need anything?"

Suddenly, Cullen sneered out the words, "Stay away from her...you...just...she doesn't...need your help!"

Dreyan gave Aislinn a confused look after Cullen had gotten those words out, and she shrugged at him as if completely confounded as well, deciding not to mention anything about her personal relationship developing with the Knight Commander and that he might've been jealous in his delirium, because it definitely wasn't a good time for that.

Instead, she shook her head at him in response to his question. "I'm fine. You can resume your post."

"Very well," he nodded, "just say something if you should need anything."

She offered him a little smile and then let him shut the doors as he and Alec walked out, listening to Alec talking about how hard the Commander could hit, which was humorous because it sounded as if Alec was proud of him for the show of strength despite his disorientation and the fact that he'd broken Alec's nose. But she turned from the door and looked back over at Cullen once they were gone, who's arms were now bound at the wrists to the headboard, and his ankles were bound to the bottom post. He had a vacant expression on his face, looked almost as if he wanted to pass out, and she walked back over to him and slowly sat down beside him.

He seemed to notice her, because he asked her, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"For your own good," Aislinn told him, "and because I love you."

It was actually humorous when he next drew out the words as if it were just a common fact, "You always hurt...the ones you...love."

Aislinn tried not to smile, but she failed and nodded at him. "Yes, it seems like you do. Tomorrow, I'll get Ila to cook something nice for you. I'd do it, but I'm a terrible cook."

"You are?"

"Yes," she replied, glad he didn't seem to be so angry anymore. Likely he'd already forgotten he had any reason to be angry at all. But she only told him in regards to her cooking, "I burn everything."

"I can...cook...a little," he drew out slowly. "Do you want me...to show you?"

"Not right now, Cullen. You just need to rest."

She couldn't stop a little sniffle, hating to leave him like this, but she knew that, right now, it was imperative. He could grow angry again and attempt to harm Dreyan or Alec once more. Or even worse, she could be the culprit of one of those hard punches. So she had no choice. Her hands were just as tied as his.

When he heard her sniffling, he looked over and asked, "Are you crying?"

"No," she shook her head, wiping one of her eyes and getting all of her emotion back down and under check. "It's just hard to see you like this, that's all."

"I know," he said, seeming to become a bit more lucid in those moments, his head falling back. "Had I known I'd...want the Lyrium _this_ badly...I might have actually tried to...hide a bit in my drawer."

Aislinn smiled down at him sympathetically, reaching up to smooth back some of his hair that had gotten ruffled in his tussle with the other Templars, smirking over how wavy it was. She continued stroking it back even after it was straightened since she had the feeling it might help to soothe him a bit, and finally, he said, "I don't feel the need for it quite as badly now, but I can feel it...like it's gnawing at my insides. It almost feels like I'm dying, Aislinn."

"I know, I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning down and kissing his temple in an affectionate manner. Then she warned him, "It could hit you again at any time, Cullen, I can't lie about it. The urge seems to come and go from what I witnessed with the others."

"I'll keep it in mind," he said, then groaned out, "_if_ I can remember my own name."

Aislinn frowned, and she pressed a kiss to his forehead, and opened her eyes to see him staring up at her. The look on his face was one she'd never forget, as if he wanted to be strong on his own, but needed her help as well, and she knew he probably did. So she promised him, "You'll remember it. This _will_ end, Cullen, and everything will get better. I promise."

She slipped alongside him once she'd made that promise, laying her head against his chest. It rose and fell as he drew breath, his eyes closing, going into a daze once more with her word that it would get better in mind. He wanted to keep them in mind, but soon, his mind began to wander without control.

He couldn't focus anymore in that moment, his thoughts becoming fuzzy and refusing to stick to one place for long. He began drifting, kept opening his eyes from time to time to see his hands above his head, tied to the headboard, wondering why they were like that. Probably only a few minutes would pass, but they felt like hours, and he started growing more and more uncertain of the reason this was going on.

Then he'd look down to see Aislinn, laying there, or sometimes standing there, and sometimes she'd ask him something and he'd have to work to pay attention to it. The shakes came back just as she'd warned him, making him feel awful, and it was then that he'd ask her for more Lyrium, and she'd deny him, which would in turn make him angry for a short time before he forgot what he was mad altogether.

Delusional, he thought that Aislinn was playing a trick on him of some kind, like Uldred in the Tower might have done. The thought got him to blame Aislinn of things he normally knew she'd never do, and that, for Aislinn, was the worst part of the entire ordeal.

But Cullen lost consciousness later on in the day, spending most of it, from what Aislinn could tell, stuck in his delirium. The worst of it was when he'd been muttering about demons coming back for him, and Aislinn had no clue what he'd meant at first. She thought he might have been considering the Circle Tower again, but the way he spoke said he was just hallucinating in general. Then he told her she was no better than Uldred for doing these things to him.

She'd denied him a dose of Lyrium, which is what prompted the words. Following them, he called her a blighted mage, no different than all of the rest. Aislinn still wasn't hurt by the words themselves, because Honnely had called her a bitch who needed to be trained like a dog, so she was fairly used to the treatment. What hurt her was knowing that he wasn't going through anything pleasant, knowing that this _had_ to ride out until early in the next morning at least, and not being able to do anything more for him in the meantime than to simply let him go through it.

_That_ was what broke her heart.

After he fell asleep however, she decided to untie his hands, because he'd been very agreeable for the few hours leading up to his sleep. She also let Dreyan and Alec know that she had untied him, giving them the rope back in the process, and then she let them lock the door from the outside again and walked back over to the bed. Quietly, she climbed into it next to Cullen and laid down across from him. Caring for him had been somewhat tiring, and she laid her head against the pillow, resting herself for a bit while Cullen slept somewhat fitfully across from her.

She didn't want to risk jarring him by getting any closer though, so she just stayed still, let her eyes shut for a moment. That was when she was suddenly grabbed, and she looked up to see Cullen rolling over against her, putting his arms around her and holding her there. He wound up laying with his head against her shoulder, and as soon as he'd settled, he seemed to calm down a good bit.

Aislinn put her arm around his back and stroked it slowly, feeling him twitch from time to time as he muttered something incoherently. She hoped that he'd sleep all night long, or at least, sleep until much, much later. He might have been tied down after all, but his body was exerting itself, trying to make up for the loss of Lyrium, so she knew he had to be tired as well.

She fell asleep with those thoughts in mind not too long later, ready for this to all be over with and for Cullen to be able to get back to being himself. Out of all of the things she expected to happen, though, she _didn't_ expect to wake up to find him in such an amorous state of being.


	25. Lost in Dreams

_XXV. Lost in Dreams_

Cullen kept waking on and off during the night, sometimes knowing where he was, and others, he had no clue. His dreams were all strange, at least, mostly they were, and it was hard to tell when he was actually awake if he was still dreaming or not because everything was so disjointed in his mind. One of his dreams entailed time spent in the training yards as an adolescence when he was first beginning to learn how to wield a blade, and that had been a pleasant enough dream, but it was a frustrating one because, in it, he apparently couldn't keep his sword in his hand, kept dropping it no matter how hard he tried to hold onto it, and in turn the Commander kept yelling at him for it.

He also dreamt about the Lyrium. He went to Aislinn in her study to try and attain some more, but she kept telling him no, and it made him angry, but for some reason, he couldn't argue with her. He kept fearing that if he did, she would hate him, and he didn't want that even though he wanted a dose of Lyrium so badly.

Finally, he opened his eyes and saw a fire burning in the hearth across from him. It was crackling and popping in a languid manner, and he let his eyes close again. Despite his confusion and his withdrawal, he felt a sense of calm washing over him for once, one that perhaps his forgetfulness had brought on. It was hard to continue worrying about where the next dose of Lyrium might come from when you could barely remember it to begin with.

Wasn't he supposed to have been tied down? He couldn't remember, but his hands were free now. Must have been another dream.

He lay there quietly, trying his best to fight off the urges he'd been having, trying to tell himself that he was stronger than this, before drifting off in thought again. He felt a bit of shifting beneath him as this happened, and groggily, his eyes reopened. He could see the outline of a chest where his head was resting, one covered with the bodice of a dark blue mage's robe, and he felt a set of fingers trailing across his back and slowly up into his hair before running back down again in a soothing manner. Aislinn, he thought. Turning his gaze down, he noticed his hand was resting against her bare thigh, which had just shifted a little beneath his touch, uncovered from the slit of the same robe with his hand resting on the warm skin she had to offer.

Finally, a dream he could at least find some kind of escape in.

Cullen never admitted it, but he'd had more dreams of Aislinn that were similar to this than he could count. Especially when he'd been in Kirkwall, maybe because he felt it was a bit safer to let his mind wander over these kinds of things whenever he was farther away from her. He drew his hand up her thigh slowly, across the silken skin, and felt a few chill bumps forming in it when he did. He didn't know why, but he liked that, and let his fingertips trace back down again, then up and over the top of the slit, against her robe covered hip. These were always good dreams, even if they frustrated him.

She didn't move much in response, and he came to a stop, casting wearied eyes up to see her peaceful face, her eyes closed, chest lifting and falling slowly in her sleep. She was gorgeous, that was the only word he could think of for it - as if he could think of much else anyway. Something in him felt as if he might've known he didn't _want_ to think of anything else just then. The rest of the world was ugly for Cullen right now, and he didn't want to see it.

His eyes locked on her bodice when he noticed her breathing. His head lifted a bit more, looking down over the swells of her breasts at the top of her neckline, the robe tailored with a dark blue corset that tied around her waist, which gave her a nice shape, and he felt himself stirring for something other than Lyrium as he admired it. Why the Maker had to make women like her so beautiful he'd never know, but it was irritating. Wait, were there other women like her? He drifted off in thought, unable to process the question, so he let it go.

Instead, he stared back down at her. It wasn't proper for him to look at her the way he did, but like his feelings for her, he couldn't help but see her as anything less than arousing whenever he considered it, not to mention the distraction was completely welcome at that point in time. His mind wasn't letting him think straight, so he'd just soak himself up in this dream, lose himself, and easily forget that anything else but her existed like he'd wanted to do for so long now.

It felt so natural, no matter how improper he thought it was. He'd always wanted her, and he probably always would. With his face already so close, and without any reservations holding him back, he let his eyes close and pressed a kiss to her collar, then let his lips drift down, over her chest and against the swell of her breast. Her skin was as soft as it had been in every dream he'd had of her, and he felt completely comfortable where he lay, able to catch her scent with every breath he took.

As he ran his lips over her skin slowly, he felt her pushing her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck again, sighing over it before he turned his head to kiss her on the opposite side, which allowed him to rest his cheek against the swells he'd been paying attention to. Somehow it felt like the more he touched her, the more it didn't seem like enough, and he drew his hand up and cupped her breast, pressing it up just a bit more, kissing her skin again.

She let a little sound out of her throat that he hadn't expected, but one that he couldn't have classified as anything short of beautiful, or arousing. It drew a little more heat through him than before, made his ardor harden a good bit, and he drew his hand back down her side and up again while taking in her shape quietly.

"Cullen?"

When Aislinn felt warmth at her chest, she opened her eyes slowly to realize she was receiving an affectionate kiss at her breast. Not only that, but he'd cupped it, squeezing, making her feel lightheaded with arousal. That's when she'd asked his name. It was then that, as he'd pressed her breast in his hand, the pink tip began to peek out of the fabric. Aislinn gasped in response and took his shoulders into her hands, getting his attention as she drew in her breath deeply.

He lifted his head when he heard her voice, looking up at her face, her silver eyes holding his disoriented gaze, and she realized he was still out of it, not that she'd expected him not to be. He must have thought he was dreaming, otherwise she knew he never would have done that, and she shifted until she was properly confined in her robes again.

Unexpected, he asked her the most humorous question as she did this, one that Aislinn found incredibly sweet at the same time. "I didn't...hurt you...did I?"

"No," she shook her head, "but you need to try to rest a little more." She briefly wondered when he'd ended up laying half over her anyway. He'd already awoken her on and off through the night with his twitching, shifting, and incoherent mumbling, so she knew he'd been having strange dreams to begin with - not uncommon in these situations. Sometimes she'd held him, and sometimes he'd taken her to do the same, so he must have done so again while she'd been asleep.

Cullen just stared at her in his confusion, reaching up to push his hand against her cheek, and Aislinn wanted to stay focused, but she closed her eyes and took another deep breath, then felt his thumb against her lips. That made her open her eyes again as a chill swept through her, looking at him to see that he was completely focused on what he was doing, or at least, vaguely so. She could only imagine that perhaps, if he thought this was a dream, it was distracting for him in a way.

"Your lips are...so soft."

She almost couldn't get herself to speak. Had he been in his right mind, she got the feeling he would've jumped back like a bolt of lightening had hit him to realize what he was doing now. A part of her didn't want to tell him either. She'd awoken in a state of ardor from the way he'd touched her and, given the amount of time it'd been since she'd had sex, if this were a normal situation, she wouldn't have stopped him at all.

But he wasn't completely well, and taking advantage of that was simply out of the question, so she kissed his thumb, then took his hand and said, "Cullen, you have to–," and was broken off when he leaned in and kissed her.

Aislinn closed her eyes, gently turning her head to the side to break the kiss, and when she did, he kissed her cheek, asking her against her ear, "Why have I always wanted you so badly? It makes me ache to think of."

Damn him! Aislinn was already hurting from frustration, so she didn't need to hear him saying something so erotic like that right against her ear. The thoughts it put in her head were driving her crazy.

"I...I hope it's because you love me," she mustered softly in reply, and then sat up. He moved back a bit to let her, and she was thankful for that. The last thing she'd thought of when she fell asleep was that she'd wake up to find him becoming more handsy than his normal reservations would have allowed him to, and she looked back at him to see a questioning look on his face, almost as if he were disappointed that she'd sat away from him.

Those puppy dog eyes were _not_ helping her resolve. "Don't give me that look, Cullen."

"You don't...want me too?"

She let a sigh of breath, then pushed herself forward and rolled him onto his back by placing a hand on his shoulder. As soon as he was settled there, she draped an arm against his chest and looked down at him, saying, "Of course I do, but only when you're better rested. You look too tired for anything right now, love."

"I..._am_ tired," he replied in agreement. "But...I can't rest. I keep thinking I need...something...and I need it badly. I keep thinking I should...be concerned..." He sighed after he said the words and lifted his hand up to push his fingers through her hair. "You make it stop a little."

That told Aislinn she'd been right. Kissing her was distracting him from his cravings for the Lyrium, at least enough for him to get by for the time being. She looked into his eyes, seeing the way they were slightly glazed over as if he might've had a fever in a sense, and she decided to lean down slowly and kiss him in order to try to distract him, parting her lips against his to roll her tongue out, finding his own after a moment. When she did, she slanted her mouth over his, using more skill than she previously had with him. She wanted the kiss to distract him completely after all, flicking her tongue against his teeth before slowly stroking it into his mouth.

It was satisfying to hear him groaning into the kiss after a moment, to feel him reacting by wrapping his arms around her to pull her in more tightly, but it didn't help her own state of arousal for certain. Her plan to give him something to sate him for at least a few minutes had backfired apparently.

Tugging her lips from his slowly with the thought, she attempted to back up when she found him leaning up to kiss her a second time, and she couldn't stop herself from giving into it. The way he'd leaned up so urgently drew heat through her body as it was flushed tight against his, and made her moan into his mouth, a sound he apparently took as a sign to keep going because he took her hips in his hands and pushed her to the side as if to roll her back over, turning his head against her throat.

Aislinn dug her nails into the back of his jerkin, trying to fight the urge to lean her head back, but thankfully, the movement he'd made gave her what she needed to snap out of it, and she took his shoulders into her hands, pushing him back and shaking her head, "Stop, Cullen."

They were both panting, and as Aislinn tried to get a hold of her roiling emotions, she saw him squeezing his eyes shut as if he were starting to realize more of what was going on. He shook his head and rolled back - thankfully - finally letting a little groan as the back of his head hit the pillows again, and he muttered, "It's...it's not time for...the Lyrium, is it?"

"No," she shook her head, sitting up, and she took his hand. "Cullen," she said gently, and when she had his attention, she asked, "How are you feeling?" Well, she knew _one_ way he was feeling since she was still catching her breath from the activities, but aside from that was what she'd meant.

He didn't say anything at first, so Aislinn lifted a hand to his cheek, but he flinched and turned his head.

"Cullen?"

"I...I don't know," he replied finally, seeming to have no memory currently of what had just been going on. "I don't even know how I...I can't...focus. Everything's hazy." With a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked at his hands, more lucid memory hitting him as he asked, "Did you untie me?"

He finally looked back at her and listened as she informed him, "Yes. You fell asleep, and I didn't want you to be uncomfortable, or wake up in a panic, not remembering what was going on. If you'd needed to be confined again, it could be arranged. Besides, you've been so out of it I didn't think it was necessary."

Slowly, he sat up, taking his time in doing so as she spoke, and Aislinn sat up with him. Finally, he nodded in understanding, saying, "Nothing...seems right."

"You're shaking again," Aislinn pointed out. The cravings for the Lyrium was probably resurfacing again.

"I know," he drew out, trying to breathe slowly and keep his composure. "I want to...tell you to leave...but at the same time...I don't want to let go...let go of you. I feel as if I'm about to fall a...apart, Aislinn."

The way he'd spoken nearly broke her heart. So she didn't ask when he said that, she just drew herself up and slipped back toward the pillows, then reached over for him. "Come here," he said softly, waiting for him to move. Once he had, she took his shoulders and pulled him down gently, allowing him to rest his head against her chest and shoulder. Cullen took a slow breath, and came to rest against her while she began stroking his hair again. Without hesitation, he drew his arms around her and shut his eyes tightly, holding onto her like an anchor in a storm.

Aislinn didn't let things be silent either. She knew he needed to hear something, anything at all, which he might be able to focus his mind on a little, and she asked him because of that, "Do you remember the song that Sister you mentioned used to hum to you?"

"I...did I mention her?" He couldn't remember.

"Yes, earlier you were humming. Did it go like this?" After she asked, she hummed what she'd heard, and though she missed a few notes, it was very similar and didn't take anything away from it. It was comforting to hear, the sound vibrating through her chest with her heartbeat, and Cullen felt soothed by it.

"Yes," he said softly, tightening his grip around her just a bit. "That's close."

She smiled, then continued to hum for a few minutes longer. She could tell they'd been asleep for a while because it was so dark outside, getting the sense that it was very early in the morning now. Thankfully, this would all be over very soon for him, not too long to go before she knew she could feel safe in giving him a dose of Lyrium which his body was desperately demanding now. It had been hard, but feeling him hugging her in this manner now told her how out of sorts he was, that he had gotten the kind of support he needed from her being there, and she finally felt good that she was able to offer him whatever he'd needed if she could provide it.

She pushed the thoughts of their teasing tumble out of her mind though. She didn't need to mention that, and was really just glad that nothing had attracted the attention of the Templars outside. _That_ would have been awkward.

While she stroked her fingers through Cullen's hair and hummed the song, she had a thought to put to him, wondering if he had enough sense just then to answer. But he seemed fairly lucid at that moment, so she did.

"Did this song have a name?"

"I don't remember," he said right away, showing that his lack of memory over it wasn't because of a withdrawal. "I think she just...hummed it."

"_We_ could name it," Aislinn suggested, her voice holding a hint of whimsy. "How about just Sister Justinia?"

For the first time since much earlier, Cullen found a small smile. The idle talk was helping him to relax, though he still felt that need gnawing at him still. So he told her, "Aislinn, I can't stop...thinking about..."

"Lyrium," she finished when he trailed. She drew her hands up and down his back, saying, "Think of something nice. Something that comforts you."

"Talk of Sister Justinia does, but it's not working right now." He let a little groan, tensing, and Aislinn could feel it, hugging him tightly as she heard him saying on a somewhat anguished tone of voice, "I never knew the extent of this...addiction...how bad it could be. I'd heard things, I knew what would happen, but I'd no idea it would feel this way."

His words had been spoken with some anger, especially when he said, "It nearly makes me wish I was back in the Circle, dealing with _that_ evil again, instead of feeling powerless against...my own need for more."

Aislinn didn't attempt to tell him anything, because he was getting angry and would probably only snap at her. Instead, she let him continue on, quietly listening as he spoke, "It's not right, and I didn't even see it. There are...other ways. You said that, didn't you?"

"Yes," she replied. "There's a safer way to continue taking the Lyrium, one that doesn't make you addicted to it."

"Why doesn't...," he trailed, and stopped himself short. "Now I know why so many Templars went renegade."

Aislinn frowned, wanted to tell him how sorry she was, but instead, she informed him of something else after a moment of thought about it. "It hurts me too, seeing you like this, because I know you're capable and strong, and witnessing how such a small vial of some dust can cause you so much pain and frustration makes me agree with you completely on that."

He trembled, shuddering against her while fighting those urges and focusing on her voice, and it helped a little more for him to get by all of this. "If you weren't here right now, I'm not sure what I'd do."

"Oh, I think you'd make it," Aislinn told him encouragingly. "Perhaps the path taken would be harder for you, but I know you'd be strong enough to handle it. Besides, I _am_ here, so you don't need to worry about that."

Her faith in him _did_ make him feel better just then, and he realized he'd needed the encouragement. He needed her, too. He would never forget this, as long as he lived, he swore it. When he was off of the dust finally, he would never go back to it, and he would never forget how she'd helped him now. Those were the things he focused on to take his mind off of how shaky he'd gotten, hugging her as if he might've been trying to cling to life itself.

"Cullen?," she asked after they'd been quiet for several minutes as he felt he endlessly struggled against his addiction.

"W-what?"

"I think you'll be needing a dose of Lyrium now. The sun's almost up."

He opened his eyes and looked at the window when she said that, seeing that the sky was much lighter than it had been, just not light enough to really make a difference in the room with the fire that had been going. With a sigh of breath, he felt relief wash over him even through the need clawing at his insides, knowing this was all about to end very soon. But a second feeling hit him, and he found himself saying, "After all of this, I don't even think I _want_ it."

"You'd be surprised how many have said that," she replied, then patted his back. "Let me get up so I can go fetch it for you. It won't take long."

Cullen raised up slowly, allowing her to go though he had to work to get his arms from around her because he'd been holding onto her so tightly, and he settled back, watching her head to the door. She was right about being right back as well, but to him, it took forever sitting there without her, waiting for the dose of the dust he was about to get, his mind wandering once again and making it all seem like he had to wait for another day before she returned, which told him that, had she _not_ been with him, it would've seemed like ten years had passed from the day before to now.

But in actuality, it took her all of three minutes, and she came walking back into the room with a vial that was filled only to three fourths of what it normally would have been, holding it out to him as she walked over.

From there, she turned and grabbed the pitcher of water at the table across from the bed, pouring some into two cups, and Cullen reluctantly took the Lyrium she'd given him, almost feeling as if he'd undo everything that had been done the previous day with the action. Still, he took it, then tossed the vial away carelessly because he wasn't completely happy in that moment.

Once he had, he saw her turning around to see that he'd tossed the vial, which had clattered against the dresser and hit the floor before rolling under it. She understood the action, but decided not to mention it while she walked over to him with the cups in her hands. "Here, drink a little water. You didn't have anything to eat or drink at all yesterday."

Oddly enough, when she mentioned food, his stomach rumbled. But he reached out, taking the wooden cup, and lifted it to his mouth, realizing he was actually parched to the point that he wanted another, which she'd apparently considered in the meantime because she'd brought him two. It was simply insane, he realized, that the need he'd felt for the Lyrium had overwritten nearly everything else to the point that he didn't even care if he ate or drank. He just wanted the dust and that was all that had mattered to him.

Such a thing could kill a man.

"The good thing about it is that the next treatment won't be so harsh on you" Aislinn told him as he drank the second cup of water and had his thoughts over everything. "You'll feel a little out of sorts, but most of the men seemed to be able to handle it much easier after their first time."

He started nodding because his mouth was full of water, giving her the cup back which she turned to take over to the table. Already, his head was clearing of the fog that had overcome it, his body feeling much less shaky, and all he felt he could do in that moment was try to be quiet to let it all settle in.

Aislinn watched him with a smile forming on her face, knowing he was starting to feel much better now. She walked over to the bed and knelt just a bit, asking him, "Better now? Just tired?"

He nodded silently, still coming to realize just how badly he'd felt in that moment. But when he did, Aislinn nodded and stood up to turned and go back to the table. As she did so, she said, "I'll take the pitcher to have it refilled. You might want to spend a little while in–," and she stopped when he suddenly took her wrist, then looked back down at him.

He didn't say anything, just drew her over to him until she was sitting on the bed, and before she could ask him anything, he put both hands on her cheeks and leaned in, kissing her meaningfully. Aislinn reacted by taking his shoulders into her hands and returning the kiss until she felt him moving to put his arms around her, even felt him slanting his mouth against hers slowly, and she leaned on him without even meaning to.

Considering what they'd done when she woke up, this was just killing her. She wanted him so badly she couldn't stand it, and she had the feeling it was going to end up making her completely daft.

But Cullen couldn't help it. After everything that had happened, he just wanted to kiss her, almost felt as if he _had_ to. So he did nothing less, kissing her the way they'd shared their kisses a few nights ago, slow brushes that were both deep and meaningful, filled with how much caring he had for her, and the kiss ended after several blissful moments. That was when he heard Aislinn whispering out, "Oh my," softly. "What...what was that for?"

He didn't respond, just laid back slowly, still holding her with his forehead against hers, his hand buried in her hair, cradling the back of her head. Finally, he replied by saying, "I love you, but saying it wasn't enough. I...needed...to show you."

Aislinn opened her eyes and looked at him, seeing how weary he looked, and she whispered back, "I love you, too. But I'm worried about you, Cullen, you need more rest. I mean it."

He nodded, taking a deep breath, then finally looked back at her. "I will. I know it's not right, but...I want you to stay with me. I'm not asking you to, I just wanted to say it."

Aislinn understood that completely. "I _don't_ want to leave. But I have to soon." She smiled a little after saying that and added, "We don't need scandalous talk filling these hallways after all."

"I know," he replied, even if he knew they'd be doing nothing more than resting together.

"I _will_ stay for a short while though," she said, "to make sure you're feeling better. At least until you fall back to sleep. I did the same for everyone else, made sure they were recuperated before I left them."

Cullen watched her quietly, allowing her to lift her head and move over him so she could lay back down next to him again. With the relief he felt flooding him, he knew getting to sleep wasn't going to be hard at all. He felt fine now, normal, just tired, and he despite the fact that taking the lesser dose of Lyrium had made him feel as if he'd undone the entire day, he still felt a sense of accomplishment that he was doing things right.

He looked over at Aislinn after he had the thoughts as she rested herself just across from him, wondering to himself before he closed his eyes just how much he might've loved her. It didn't hurt like it had before either. What made the difference was that he had her here and now, could put his arm around her if he wanted to, could feel her next to him, and it was comforting and better than he'd imagined it to be. When he got the chance, he was going to find a way to make her as happy as she'd ever been before. He vowed he would. The only question was _how_ would he do it?

Maybe he could ask Melrath about that flower she'd told him she liked. What was it called again, Winter's Bloom? If anyone would know more, he would. Cullen fell into a deep, and thankfully dreamless sleep while trying to consider it.


	26. Torn

_XXVI. Torn_

_Two Weeks Later_

Cullen's treatment went smoothly after that first day of taking the tonic. He continued on with three fourths the normal dose for a week before taking another of Melrath's concoctions, and his second dose of the foul tasting liquid - which he had a flask ready for this time - didn't treat him anywhere nearly as bad as the first, though it _did_ give him the shakes until the next day when he took only half a dose less of Lyrium than normal.

Half a dose seemed to be all he felt as if he needed however. He thought he might've wanted more even after he'd taken the half a vial, but he'd been wrong. As per normal, the shakes went awake, and he wasn't left wanting anymore than he had before he'd even started treatment.

Honnely had come to see him when he'd been going through those shakes that day however, and noticed it easily. Cullen was fine though, able to deal with it more easily, and Honnely related to Cullen his own treatment, told Cullen he'd said some very deplorable things to Aislinn in his bid to get more of the dust. While Honnely mentioned that he'd never truly realized how badly the withdrawal could make someone react, Cullen began think over the day he'd spent with Aislinn when she was supporting him during his own, and he really began to wonder what all he might've said to her while out of sorts.

The next he saw of Aislinn, he'd put the question to her. She seemed to skip over the subject however, which only made him push for more information. So finally, she told him that he'd said she was just like Uldred and not any better than any other mage. Cullen suddenly wished he hadn't asked.

"I...I didn't...," he'd drawn out with a good bit of incredulity. But Aislinn just pursed her lips at him and reminded him that he wasn't himself. Though Cullen knew she was right, he was still bowled over by what Alec said to him later that same day he'd asked Aislinn about it. Alec had been on a short break, and as Cullen passed, he asked Cullen who'd taught him how to punch. When Cullen gave him an odd look of confusion, Alec explained nearly everything.

"Oh, I guess you don't remember hitting me then. You broke my nose trying to get out of the room after we came in because you'd shoved Aislinn and wouldn't get back into bed." Alec chuckled, "You moved fast for someone off his rocker."

Cullen stared at the Templar blankly, not remembering _any_ of that. It was like he was hearing a story about another person who he wanted to go find and hit for shoving Aislinn and breaking one of his Knight's noses, but he may as well have just hit a mirror because it was all him. He immediately went to Aislinn's study and, once she'd let him in, asked her, "Did I shove you?"

Aislinn had groaned immediately and then asked if it was Dreyan or Alec who'd said anything because she was going to kill one of them. She guessed it was Alec though. He was a good man, but sometimes he didn't know when to keep his mouth shut about little things like that - not that he knew Aislinn wanted to keep it a secret or _why_.

Aislinn spent a good bit of time trying to convince Cullen afterwards that she didn't blame him because she knew it _wasn't_ him. She did this by walking over to him and kissing him every time he'd try to argue with her. She could tell that, over the week and a half following his first treatment, Cullen had gotten much more comfortable with kissing her at random whenever they were alone, getting closer to her, and showing his affection for her as long as no one was looking, and she was glad for it. So kissing him whenever he tried to argue was definitely a good way to keep him quiet.

After a few kisses, he just gave in and started returning them, and they grew more and more desperate with one another, until something popped into Cullen's head that he could vaguely remember, which he tugged away from her because of and then stared at her about. Cullen had realized since he'd found out a few things that much of what he'd thought he was dreaming had been real, and much of what he'd thought was real had just been a dream. There happened to be a particularly erotic memory in his mind that he thought had been a dream, and as he'd been kissing Aislinn in her study, he'd remembered it.

_That wasn't...please say that was also a dream_, he thought to himself, then tried to ask Aislinn, "I didn't...when we slept...I...I didn't...did I?"

Aislinn blinked up at him, not entirely certain what he'd meant, but suddenly it clicked if only because of the vague way he'd asked her the question in such a hesitant and shy manner. For a brief moment, recognition seemed to dawn in her eyes and Cullen noticed it easily. His face set on fire, and he asked her seriously, "Tell me what I did, Aislinn," his voice leaving little room for denial of the request.

Aislinn's lips parted as she was about to come up with the quickest story possible to give him instead of telling him how he'd been touching her, when suddenly a knock came to the door, which was Uwen needing to go over something with Aislinn concerning one of their students. _Saved by the Elf_, Aislinn had thought, assumed a casual stance, and politely told Cullen she was glad she could help him with his problem, which he knew meant they'd have to speak later.

Aislinn decided she'd have to avoid the subject with Cullen for a while however because, even though she could come up with a very believable story to tell him easily, she wasn't sure she wanted to lie to him. She got the feeling it would be for his own good if she did, but at the same time, she got the feeling that Cullen knew her, and would know whether or not she wasn't being truthful. Thankfully, whenever he would try to ask, she noticed that _something_ would come up to interrupt them both, so thus far, she'd been lucky about it.

That aside, memories of what he'd done, even though it hadn't been much, made her remember what being a woman meant and how she was long overdue for something of that nature. It was maddening, plain and simple.

Just over two weeks since Cullen's first treatment came another snow, which wasn't as big as the last which Cullen had gotten stranded in, but was enough to leave a good bit of the frozen white stuff covering the grounds of the manor completely. Aislinn walked into her Chambers, quietly carrying a load of folded blankets to her bed because it had gotten so much colder outside now. She tried not to think of those things that had been on her mind recently about the particular subject of keeping warm at night as she went, but it popped in there again anyway.

Keeping warm with Cullen during the night she couldn't say would have been unpleasant at all. Thankfully though, she managed to push it all away before she could get any clear mental images of herself and the Templar she'd been fraternizing with doing more than just 'holding hands'. That was the last thing she needed.

She settled the blankets down on her mattress, briefly wondering how long it had been since she'd had sex anyway. She tried to count, but then figured it would be a better idea not to. Years was enough for her to know that it was long enough. Not that, of course, she was so eager for it that she was ready throw herself at someone willing and available, not at all. But sometimes the issue rose up, and she was as normal as any other person in that regard - it was just a need you wanted to have sated. The way she figured it, Cullen was the lucky one here. It was easy for her to tell that he'd never slept with a woman, so he had no idea what he was missing or, sadly, what he'd done to her in the process.

_Damned naive, cute, innocent, charming Templar._ If it was true that magic was a curse as some claimed, she suddenly had the devious thought that she'd love nothing better than to corrupt him, and she snickered softly over it. But hell, if she kept those thoughts up, she was going to have to spend a little time alone with herself.

Suddenly she wondered if he'd ever given himself some relief, and immediately pushed the idea out of her head. She didn't need to add anymore fuel to the fire. It was already burning a little _too_ much.

But her attention got caught on something as she'd went to grab one of the blankets so she could spread it out over her bed. On her bed close to the pillows was a bundle of three flowers tied together with a dark purple ribbon. She stared at the purple blossoms for a moment, then finally reached over to them, plucking them up. They looked familiar, and Aislinn's brows furrowed, then she suddenly gasped softly in recognition.

"No..." She turned and looked at the door, wondering if she would be able to catch Cullen alone as she muttered out, "He didn't..."

Aislinn got her blankets down and put the flowers in a vase of water, tying the ribbon around the neck of the vase so it wouldn't get wet once she was done, then headed to the Knight Commander's Study. She reached to knock on the door once she'd arrived. It was a good ways from her personal chambers, but not too far from her own study, and she waited to see if she'd get an answer or not. Surely enough, he was there asking whomever was outside to enter, so she opened the door and walked into the room quietly. When Cullen looked up to see her, he stopped writing on his parchment and asked, "Aislinn?"

She turned around from shutting the door and stood against it, her lips pursed and her brows narrowed over her silver eyes. At the look, Cullen's expression became somewhat confused. "Is everything alright?"

Slowly, she nodded, then lifted a hand and motioned it at him, asking, "You wouldn't happen to know anything about a small bouquet of flowers left in my room, would you? A small bouquet of..._rare_ flowers that is."

So, she'd found his gift. Cullen had wanted to give them to her himself, but she wasn't about when he'd knocked on her door, and he didn't know when a good time would be before they would wilt, which Melrath had said they would do quickly without quite as much cold around as their usual environment offered. So he left them in her room.

Melrath didn't know _who_ the flowers were meant for, and likewise, Cullen didn't want to carry them around with him, had hid them in a small box whenever he'd stopped by her chambers just to keep questions from being asked if someone were to walk by. So aside from having not wanted them to wilt too much before she saw them, he knew that just leaving them there would be the best course of action to begin with.

He stood up from his desk and stepped around it while thinking this, saying, "Yes, I...left them there earlier when you weren't about. I decided you might...like them. I hope you don't mind, but...they could have wilted, so I wanted you to have them sooner rather than later."

He watched her trying to hold her expression in, but she suddenly grinned and then moved toward him, leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Cullen hadn't quite expected that response, but he liked it, listening as she told him, "Thank you! I _love_ them. But...," she gave him a confused expression, "_how_ did you get them? Melrath?"

"He helped. It took a bit, but he got them here."

Her brows had wrinkled over how sweet that was while she tried to keep her expression neutral as she stared up at him, and honestly, Cullen liked this response much more than he'd imagined he would have. He'd have to do something else to get a similar one from her again sometime. But at the moment, he just smirked when she suddenly hugged him in thanks. Placing his hands upon her back, he said, "I'm...very glad you like them."

"The ribbon was a nice touch," she replied with a little snicker, looking up, "did you do that too?"

"I...uh...," he slowly nodded, "yes, I did."

Aislinn didn't know what to say. He'd even remembered her favorite color, not that she made a secret of it. But finally, she told him, "I really don't know how to respond. I...no one's ever put that much thought into a gift for me before. I wish I could thank you but...words just don't seem fitting."

"After everything you've done for me, I really don't consider it the greatest gesture, Aislinn. I can see you're happy with it, and that's all I really wanted out of it."

She could understand that, giving him a nod of her head. "It means a lot to me though. I wish I was more used to it so I didn't feel so...awkward."

Wasn't that a switch, Cullen thought to himself. _She_ was feeling awkward now. Yes, he thought he could get a feel for this gift giving business, especially if _that_ was what it took to turn those tables on her finally. He couldn't help smiling down at her, saying, "If anyone understands how it feels to...be awkward...," and he trailed.

Aislinn suddenly laughed, the sound lightening his previously somber mood a good bit. He watched her shaking her head at him, then saying, "I kind of miss your stuttering. You seem to have gotten used to speaking with me."

"Well...I uh...don't think I'd quite go _that_ far. It's...only a little easier now."

She was still grinning at him and she leaned up to kiss him one more time since she had some other things to go take care of, saying once she had, "There, that's for being so good to me. You're going to drive me crazy doing those things though."

"Why?," he asked curiously.

Aislinn didn't want to say that she'd like to thank him in _other_ ways, not one bit. So instead, she shook her head, saying, "Nothing, I just wish I could do something more for you."

"No, don't wish that," he shook his head. "You're doing too much already. You don't owe me anything, Aislinn." His voice had grown serious, and he made sure she was looking at him when he told her, "I owe you. Those flowers were the least I could offer."

"Still, I–," she stopped when he shook his head at her and pursed her lips. "Fine, I'll just settle for giving you kisses or...something," she smirked finally.

"I think I could handle that," he replied, amused over the way she'd said her line. Cullen had a thought just then however, somewhat afraid to ask her though because every time he tried to, something happened to interrupt them. Still, he said, "Actually, would you be willing to tell me the truth now?"

"The truth?," Aislinn asked, but she was thinking _oh boy, here he goes asking again_.

"Yes, about the first night I took that tonic. I _know_ something happened...between us. What did I do?"

Aislinn shrugged, "I've told you what you did. You got angry, said things you didn't mean, and that was it."

"Aislinn," he sighed softly. "I know you're trying to protect me from something."

"No, not really." She honestly didn't think what he'd done had been questionable at all, not in the slightest, but she knew he would think so, and she didn't want it to be made a big deal out of.

Seeing that she wasn't giving in, Cullen supposed he would _have_ to be blunt, so he asked her outright, "I had an erotic dream about you that night, or at least, I _thought_ it was a dream. But I remember you telling me that I was too tired to continue on, and we stopped. Did I...do those things to you?"

Cullen couldn't help himself. Even if there wasn't anything completely significant, he wanted to know everything that had happened between them. The dream he'd had of Aislinn had been mild in itself, and as it was, his memories of it were fuzzy at best, but if he'd done more than that, if he'd perhaps tried to undress her as he had in dreams prior to it - on many an occasion he didn't want to recall just then - then he felt he needed to know about it. What he would do whenever he found out, he wasn't quite sure yet. But being able to apologize would have been a good start, that was, after he got over his humiliation of it all.

Yet another thing he hated about the Lyrium so completely now, which he only realized in part beforehand, was that he knew it could make an otherwise good person do terrible things if they were denied it. Getting off of the dust as he had been was definitely a good thing. He'd just taken one fourth of a vial of dust that morning after his third dose of the tonic, and he knew that very soon now, he was going to stop completely, even if the shakes persisted for a while afterwards. They'd been progressively easier for him to handle, and he was feeling very confident in the fact that he'd be able to stop completely very soon now.

But as for the Lyrium itself, the things it did to a man, he felt, were just as vile as blood magic.

It tore Cullen as well. In fact, his entire relationship with Aislinn had been tearing him over the past two weeks. He regretted nothing he'd done with her - except perhaps when going through his withdrawals - but more than ever, he found him questioning his place, and it wasn't just because she was a mage. He was also questioning his place in the Order of Templars itself, and what it meant to him anymore. For starters, the Order dictated that Templars were to stand against mages, to keep them in check, or at least, that was how so many interpreted it, so Cullen was supposed to stand against Aislinn, scrutinize her at every turn and corner, and make sure she was kept under watch.

Even saying he _wanted_ to do such a thing, that was tiring and just downright paranoid. While Cullen did have his paranoias, most of which were based around mages, they weren't so extreme that he couldn't find a light in the dark and use it to see his way out. In many ways, since he'd come to Morsfeld, Marleyna had provided that light for him, since she wasn't afraid to see things from another perspective and try to nurture if she could.

Where most of the Chantry spoke of those paranoid views on mages, the Sisters and Mothers here looked at them differently, as if they realized there was a power that needed to be guarded against, a danger that had to be looked after, but it wasn't treated as if it had been a plague cast down onto humanity to end it as much of the Chantry did, in fact, see it. In the wrong hands, yes, it could be disastrous, but that was what the Order was for, to make sure the wrong hands never used it in that manner, not to suspect, scrutinize, and basically shackle every single mage that was born into the world. Even before now, Cullen had questioned how such a thing could be done when more mages were born every day and those who'd been born ten years ago were just coming into their power, but sometimes, it just seemed like too much was being expected of _everyone_, and not enough common sense was being used.

She he questioned his place with Aislinn, his place as a Templar, and even his standing with the Chantry. Their views were slowly becoming more and more difficult for him to _completely_ align himself with in so many ways.

Common sense told Cullen that not every mage was evil, and Aislinn was the perfect example of that. Certainly, she was human, and she became angry from time to time, felt the same things he did, and struggled with the same kinds of problems. But she'd never once turned to something forbidden or attempted to do something truly evil in order to meet an end. So now, Cullen was torn because, as he stood, wounded from events in the past that still haunted him, he felt bitter and honestly, betrayed, and not just because of mages.

First, there'd been the incident in the Tower. He'd felt that the Order was too harsh on the mages, and he'd been met with torment and captivity by them. Having dedicated himself completely to the Order afterwards, he eventually came to find out that some members of the Chantry had been using Lyrium to control Templars like himself. It was almost as if he didn't know where to turn anymore. To top it all off, he'd gotten _much_ closer to a mage than he'd ever been before, and that closeness was something he couldn't help but be uncertain of, even if it _did_ make him feel good inside.

Cullen talked to Marlyena a few days prior about it, about how he couldn't make up his mind if he were making a mistake or if he were doing things right, and she told him that the Order was needed, but not to antagonize, and that's where it had been heading for a long time. When putting oneself in a typical mage's shoes, being a mage who strove to do well and be accepted that was, it was much easier to see how the Chantry and the Order came off as antagonistic, oppressors, and honestly, simple dictators, even if she knew that this hadn't been the point. Their presentation hadn't been delivered very well to the mages, and that was what mattered. On the Order's side, she'd said, nothing had even been discussed. Facts that weren't factual had been given and left as they were, even after other truths had been realized.

It was all about seeking a balance, and that was the biggest issue. Cullen realized it was the biggest issue with himself as well. So he'd informed Marleyna that he felt torn, that his views on the Chantry were changing and he wasn't sure how to take them, and also that his feelings for Aislinn had only grown much stronger. He wasn't certain why he had been given such a test of strength and diligence as the Maker saw fit to give him in this situation, and sometimes, that he even doubted it _was_ such a test.

Marleyna's reply to him had been one that made _too_ much sense. She'd said that some tests weren't for black or white answers, where if you decided on one choice, it was absolutely right or wrong. Some tests were of character, not vigilance or strength, and it was the actions that you took that defined them. As long as you were doing the best you could with what the Maker had given you at birth, she'd said, that was the part that counted.

She told Cullen that she thought it was strange that he hadn't known Aislinn was the First Enchanter whenever he'd left Kirkwall, and they both agreed that it sounded almost as if the Maker had some kind of plans for him in hiding that truth from him in order to get him to Morsfeld. What, neither of them were certain of, but Marleyna did say she felt that Cullen was at least brought to Morsfeld so he could be given the truth finally.

Where it concerned Aislinn, Marleyna asked him pointedly if he thought the Maker would really ever punish someone for truly loving another.

The question gave Cullen a good bit of food for thought, but her words had helped a great deal, and Cullen had decided that he would keeping going down the paths he'd already chosen. Continuing to get off of the Lyrium was a given, but with Aislinn, he was going to continue to try.

So, if that meant bluntly asking Aislinn now about what had happened, then he was going to do so. Coming back from his thoughts, he told her, "If I did anything, I need to know. Not knowing is...I don't like the thought that there was more that I've done with you that I don't know about, no matter how small it may be."

Aislinn really hadn't expected him to be so blunt about it - maybe he really _was_ getting more comfortable with her. Her voice caught in her throat though, and just before she could get it unhinged, a knock came to the door.

_Once again, saved by...someone_.

Aislinn closed her mouth and folded her lips inward to keep from smiling as Cullen looked over and then muttered out indignantly, "Andraste's sword!" Once he'd gotten over his irritation, he looked back down at Aislinn and told her, "We're not done speaking of this. I want the truth from you, promise me."

Somehow, she liked it when he was demanding like that, but said nothing of it and nodded at him with the words, "I promise." She guessed she'd just have to tell him the next time they were alone what went on.

He seemed placated for the moment with her words, and then let Aislinn step back before he said more loudly to whomever was outside, "Enter." The door opened up to reveal Dreyan and Uwen, the former of which was scowling, and the latter whom looked concerned.

Cullen wasn't sure what to make of the expressions, and neither was Aislinn, but Uwen looked glad to see her there. "Oh, good, you're here. We have some company."

"Who?," Aislinn and Cullen asked at the same time.

"A contingent of Teryn Milus Brennon's men," Dreyan explained. "They're here because of his wife."

Cullen wasn't familiar with that name, but Aislinn was. She shook her head, asking, "What's wrong with his wife?"

"They won't say. They only told me to come and find you. They wouldn't even enter the manor. Again." Dreyan's scowl continued, and he motioned with his hand to add, "Apparently it's urgent, however," as if he didn't think the men had to be quite so rude about not coming inside.

Aislinn sighed, then she replied with the words, "Not to send you on an errand, Captain, but...would you mind returning and telling them I'm on my way out? Staying out there to watch?"

"Not one bit," Dreyan replied, sounding almost _too_ eager to do so. "With my Commander's permission, that is," he added respectfully.

"Who is this Milus Brennon?," Cullen asked before giving Dreyan any kind of permission.

"It's a long story," Aislinn started. "Let's just say he's a noble who's been tending to his wife and so his son, Cambry, who hates mages, has taken charge of his men. Sometimes Milus sends for us, which is fine, Milus is a good person, but Cambry hasn't done his men any favors, and despite the fact that the orders are from the Teryn, the men sent to meet us do so with rudeness and offense. They also have a way of indirectly taunting the Templars as well because they don't believe the Order has or ever will fill its purpose. Likely, Milus knows nothing of this behavior however."

Cullen didn't like the sound of that, looking back to Dreyan and saying, "Take three men with you and make sure they don't get out of line until we get there."

Dreyan seemed to like that order, replying, "Yes, Ser," before he gave the proper respect and turned to leave the room.

Once he was gone, Uwen sighed softly. "No doubt he's going to summon you for something, Aislinn. His wife _is_ pregnant, and probably needs you again."

"That's what I was thinking," Aislinn replied, groaning softly. "She's late in her term as well. It might require time to take care of."

"Has he summoned you before?," Cullen asked.

"Yes, two times for his wife in the past eight months, and it's never been pleasant because of his men. But we can't deny him the help in that manner. Besides, his wife is a gentle woman, very sweet and good natured, and I couldn't imagine just leaving her to her fate."

Cullen realized that she was right in this case, then asked her, "Why has no one said anything? How did Honnely handle it?"

"Because of Cambry," Uwen explained. "He's the Teryn's son, and therefore justified. Besides, it's only recently gotten so bad, probably because Milus is concerned with his wife's state of being, so he hasn't had time to properly watch after his men. They almost act like common thugs just doing whatever they feel like however. Honnely decided it would more than likely blow over once the Teryna gave birth, so he thought it would be easiest to simply comply with their wishes. But they don't like allowing the full contingent of Templars to come with them. Last time they only barely allowed two to come with two mages."

Cullen let out a sigh of breath as the picture came into view for him, and he turned to head to the door, saying, "His wife won't suffer, but his men will only summon a mage from this Circle if they manage to gain _my_ approval, regardless of the conditions things are in."

Aislinn and Uwen gave each other a quick glance of raised brows before they turned to head out behind Cullen and down the hallway. In the very least, this was going to be interesting.


	27. Summoning

_XXVII. Summoning_

Cullen had walked down the front steps outside of the manor under the grey sky to a small contingent of four horses settled in the courtyard with riders on their backs who were dressed in the matching uniforms of soldiers, but they didn't look as if they'd pass any noble inspection in Cullen's book. They weren't even baring a noble banner. He kept those thoughts to himself as he approached them all. The grounds in front of the manor had been cleaned of snow, as had the roadways surrounding the courtyards - it wasn't a hard task when you had a mage with fire magic go through and melt it all - so Cullen and his men didn't have to worry about slipping or falling in the stuff.

Dreyan and three other Templars were standing in a line between him and the contingent just like he'd commanded, and as Cullen approached, one of the Teryn's men asked, "Who're you?"

Cullen stepped in next to his men, saying, "I am the Knight Commander, my name is Cullen. Who might you be?"

The man scoffed slightly, looking up to see Aislinn and Uwen stepping out onto the top of the front steps of the large, cathedral like manor, and without introducing himself, he waved a hand at them and said, "She's the one we're lookin' for. We've orders to take her to the Teryn's wife. She's sick, been weak and bedridden for two days now, and they need a good caretaker for her. The babe is likely to arrive soon."

For all intents and purposes, his accent was as bad as his haircut, dark hair that was chopped to a straight line all around his head. He sounded like a thug. In response, Cullen glanced over at Aislinn and gave her a look that said he didn't want her to respond before focusing his attention on the man again. Sternly, he repeated himself, "Who might you be?"

Finally, the man looked at Cullen and gave him a sneer, saying, "I'm Teryn Brennon's first, Doyle. Now, you gonna send her through?"

Cullen ignored the question and then asked one of his own, "Is she fatally ill?"

"Not specifically, no, she has her nursemaids, but she's too weak to get out of bed, so she needs help. Now send that mage through!"

"No."

Neither of Cullen's men looked away from the contingent when Cullen denied the Teryn's first, but Aislinn and Uwen were looking from Cullen and back to Doyle as the exchange took place, and then back to Cullen again, getting highly interested in all of this.

"Is that so?," Doyle asked. "It's a legitimate request, from the Teryn himself."

"I don't care if the request came from the Divine herself, I'm sworn to ward these mages, and any that leave this Circle have to get approval to do so by me, _and_ be accompanied by the appropriate contingent of my men, _if_ I can spare them," Cullen informed the man certainly. "So far, Ser, I remain unconvinced."

Aislinn wanted to kiss Cullen right there. This might cause a problem with the Teryn perhaps, or his snobby son, but she certainly didn't care. His men had it coming for their rude behavior.

"Excuse me, _Ser_, but I–," Doyle started, but he was cut off when Cullen continued on as if the man hadn't said a word.

"In fact, I wonder just how much Ferelden's changed in the past eight years I've been away that a man acting on the behalf of a noble, one in his service, would completely ignore rank and basic manners now when walking into the home of another, and simply make a demand of those living within it, expecting it to be granted without question. Is this the kind of manner in which men conduct themselves with the Teryn?"

Doyle was at a loss for words apparently, just staring as if this had been the last thing he'd expected to happened today. Cullen stepped out in front of his men and continued by asking, "Perhaps the Teryn doesn't know of this behavior, and if he doesn't, I wonder what he might think."

"This is a bloody Circle full of blighted mages!," Doyle shot back. "We don't need to show no respect to them. Their magic exists to serve us!"

"On the contrary, their magic services whomever _I_ deem it to as, if you push them too far, you might find yourself rotting in your own skin," Cullen informed the man plainly. He knew it was possible anyway, and these men were just asking for a mage to snap on them in anger. "Now what would you do if there wasn't a Templar there to make sure that didn't happen. Yet you show absolutely no common courtesy to the Order either."

"You Templar's don't do your jobs. The Circles are falling and it's all your fault! We know about how you're lettin' these mages into Morsfeld too, doing Maker knows what to the people there! It's not natural!"

"That's a matter of opinion," Cullen replied flatly. "Tell the Teryn, if he values his wife's condition, then he'd do well to instruct his men to conduct themselves properly when dealing with the Circle in the future."

"You wouldn't dare deny him!," Doyle replied angrily.

"Why shouldn't I? For all I know, there could be another reason all together that you want to summon this mage. I see no official banner of the Teryn, you haven't presented a noble seal to me either, yet I'm supposed to take you at your word? I don't even know you, and so far, I feel as if I've just been introduced to a mule."

Though Aislinn and Uwen found the line funny, as did Alec who was standing in the line of Templars separating the contingent from the front steps of the manor, Cullen had stated it as a matter of fact with absolutely no humor meant to be attached to it - which was _why_ they'd thought it was so humorous. Even Dreyan wanted to grin over it, and he was even more serious than Cullen was.

Doyle didn't find it funny, however, glaring at Cullen like he could've pulled his sword from his back and run him through right there. But he held his temper and sat up straight on his horse, saying, "Ser, if I go back to the Keep without the..._Lady_...there, the Teryn will have my hide. Besides, she knows me." Doyle shot his gaze at Aislinn and added, "Mage, you can vouch for who I am! Tell him!"

Aislinn lifted a brow, looking at Cullen because he hadn't wanted her to speak before, but now he asked, "Is this the Teryn's first in command?"

"Yes," Aislinn replied blandly, "though I'm tempted to say no, he's the mule you think him to be."

"You little bitch!," Doyle snarled out. As soon as he did, all four of the Templars that Cullen had told to make sure these men didn't get out of line drew their blades to the ready. Doyle immediately toned his ire down and cleared his throat, eyeing the Templars who weren't giving any room for disobedience before saying as smoothly as he could muster, "Yes, you see," he then trailed a bit, "she knows who I am."

Alec couldn't help but snort in amusement, but he kept it quiet enough that no one could hear.

"I see that," Cullen replied blandly, then added, "You may return to tell your Teryn that we are on our way."

"I'm not leavin' with out her!," Doyle replied despite the fact that the Templars were ready to jump at any second.

"Very well, then you can wait for us," came Cullen's plainly stated response. "You're requesting our First Enchanter, after all, so arrangements will have to be made and it could take some time."

Cullen then turned around and headed up the steps of the porch, leaving his men without giving the order to stand down so they would continue to watch while the Teryn's men grumbled over this new Commander's unbending nature. As he drew toward Aislinn and Uwen, he asked, "I take it that wasn't over the line."

Aislinn smirked and looked at Uwen, asking, "What did you think?"

"I thought it was perfect," Uwen replied as if some type of professional critic. "What about you?"

"No complaints," Aislinn returned and then smiled up at Cullen. "I'll just go get my things ready and make sure my duties are going to be taken care of, and also let Gracie know where I'm going."

"Very well, then I'll get the men ready to travel. I'm going with you just incase a complaint is issued to the Teryn over what happened just now. If there is, I want to make sure I'm there to reason with him and prevent a problem from arising."

"That might be a good idea," Uwen said with a nod. "Cambry might try to cause a little grief with the instance." He then looked at the First Enchanter and said, "Aislinn, don't worry about delegating responsibilities, I'll make sure to do that for you. Just go pack a few things and tell Gracie goodbye."

Aislinn sighed and then put a hand on Uwen's shoulder with a smile. "Thank you, but I may be gone a short while. Are you sure about it?"

Uwen gave her a narrowed brow and pursed his lips. "Get going, before the Teryna delivers her child by herself."

Aislinn started snickering and then nodded, heading inside of the manor again. Once she had, Uwen let a little sigh of breath out, looking back at Cullen. "I have a suggestion that may help."

"What's that?," Cullen asked him.

"Take more men than you normally would. Cambry, from what I hear, is a young man without much experience and only brave behind four walls. Perhaps the extra men will help him to at least govern his beliefs a bit."

Cullen thought about that, then gave a nod of his head. "I'll take it under consideration, Uwen." Following those words, he turned to his men and called them back up the steps. When he did, each one of them put their blades on their backs again at almost the exact same time as if of one mind, and then turned around, heading up the steps at an even pace.

Once they'd reached their Commander, Cullen looked at Dreyan and got his attention by asking, "Captain?"

"Yes, Ser?"

"Uwen made the suggestion to take more than the normal amount. I was curious who you think might want to travel with us to the Teryn's Keep?"

"I would if I may be so bold, Ser," Dreyan replied properly.

"I see. Anyone else?"

"Likely Alec."

Cullen looked at Alec, who glanced back at him and gave a nod of his head to confirm what Dreyan had said was true. So Cullen gave a nod, saying, "I'm not entirely certain how long we'll be gone, Captain, so I'm not sure I want you to tag along with us when I've decided to go myself just incase trouble rears it's head at the Keep."

"Ser, may I make a suggestion?," Alec asked.

"What's that, Alec?"

"Let Lieutenant Yarley take Dreyan's place while we're gone, since Dreyan knows more about the Teryn than anyone else and could serve as a good mediator if it's needed. Yarley has been here just as long as Dreyan has as well, and he could use the chance to prove his mettle."

Cullen eyed Alec curiously, asking, "Do you owe Yarley some kind of praise, Alec?"

"No, Ser. Just making an honest suggestion, Ser."

"I agree," Dreyan added, which meant it was serious. "Yarley could use the chance, Ser."

Cullen nodded, "Very well, this will be a good opportunity for him. Dreyan, Alec, go prepare our means of travel. I'll go find a fourth and get the First Enchanter."

"Yes, Ser," the two men nodded and turned to go do as they'd been told.

Four Templars to escort one Mage _was_ excessive. Typically the numbers were to try to make sure that you doubled the number of mages with you, but this was a special situation and definitely had nothing to do with Aislinn. Cullen decided to take a fourth Templar in the form of a younger man named Brent, and then found Aislinn in her personal chambers just a short bit later with Gracie and another young mage that Cullen couldn't remember the name of.

He'd knocked and gotten the door open, stepping inside to see them packing a few things incase they were gone a while. The mage with Aislinn was admiring the flowers in the vase, taking a in their scent, and she asked with Aislinn had gotten them from Melrath. Aislinn simply told her that he'd had a hand in it. Cullen also noticed how she'd tied the bow around the neck of the vase, and she'd settled them on the table across from her bed as a centerpiece to the room between the bed and the hearth. Somehow, it seemed to match since the petals of the flowers were a medium purple and much of Aislinn's room was done in those same tones aside from neutral, wooden colors, and a few golden yellows.

Gracie didn't give Cullen the chance to speak about anything after he'd stepped in however, she just bounced off of the bed and went running over to him while calling his name happily. He smiled at her and put a hand on her head when she hugged his legs.

After a moment, she looked up and asked, "Mama's gonna go away with those men again because that one nice lady in that big house is sick. Are you gonna make sure those men aren't mean to her this time?"

"Yes, Gracie, I promise they won't cause any trouble for anyone."

Gracie grinned at him and nodded, her golden locks bouncing a bit with the movement. "Good. Show 'em your mean face!"

Cullen couldn't help but narrow his brows a bit in confusion. "My what?"

The mage in the room with them, a young lady with tan skin and short, black hair, snickered over the line and explained, "That's what Honnely called it for her. His mean face."

Gracie started nodding and Cullen smiled down at her, saying, "Well, I'll have to do that then."

"Can I see it?"

Aislinn laughed when Gracie asked that. "Gracie, stop bothering the Commander and come help me pack." She watched Gracie grinning as she turned around and ran back to the bed, hoping up onto it. As she did, Aislinn said, "Trista, would you hand me that book right behind you on the shelf with the red binding please?"

"Yes, Messere," Trista replied and grabbed the book.

As she started to bring it to Aislinn, the First Enchanter thanked her and then said, "Knight Commander, I was considering bringing Trista along for this. She came last time, and she could use the experience with child birth, being my student as she is. Would this be acceptable?"

If anything, Cullen thought, it would make the number of Templar he was planning on taking seem a little less excessive, so he nodded, replying, "That would be fine. The men are getting travel prepared now however, so it's best to make haste."

"Mama," Gracie said before anything more could be discussed. "Don't pigeons bring babies?"

Aislinn had told Trista to go and get packed just then, and suddenly she gave Gracie a wide eyed look. "Who told you that?," she asked while trying not to laugh over it.

Gracie shrugged, "Sister Amberly, she said a bunch of pigeons would come flying to my door when I was ready to be a mama."

Aislinn was snickering loudly, knowing Amberly hadn't said _pigeons_ in specific, probably doves, or sparrows, and she replied to Gracie, "Yes, it's _something_ like that."

"Then this lady, why is she sick? Did one of the pigeons peck her?"

Even Cullen was having a hard time not laughing over that. He cleared his throat to cover it though, and that sound didn't help Aislinn to stop herself from laughing one bit. She told Gracie while stifling her mirth, "I don't know, maybe. That's what we have to figure out."

"Ohhh," Gracie drew out, nodding a few good times. "Cullen should give the pigeon his mean face. That'll teach it a lesson." She looked over at Cullen then, asking, "Don't you think so?"

"I...think it might work, yes," Cullen nodded, wondering for a moment if everyone had a point in time when they were that innocent. Instead of saying anything over it though, he informed her, "If I find it, I'll be sure to give it the best one I have."

"Good. If I get a baby, and one pecks me, I'll be mad."

Aislinn reached over from packing one of her two satchels and patted Gracie's hair, then leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Child, you're just too precious, did you know that?"

"Yep," Gracie popped right out without any thought over it at all.

Finishing her packing, Aislinn turned and lifted the little girl up with a chuckle, asking her, "Oh, you do, huh?," before she started tickling her sides while Gracie squealed and laughed. Finally, Aislinn stopped, and Gracie grabbed her in a tight hug, muttering out the words 'stop it' while still snickering.

Aislinn continued smiling and hugged Gracie tightly. "You're going to behave for Ila and Mother Johanna while I'm gone, aren't you?"

"Yes, I promise."

Cullen watched the two of them, able to tell that Aislinn loved Gracie a great deal, something in the way she treated her almost as if she were afraid of losing her in a way, and why shouldn't she be? When Cullen was initially confused about Gracie being Aislinn's daughter, he hadn't mentioned it, but one of the reasons was because of the Chantry's policies on mages having children. Had Gracie been her actual daughter, Cullen would have wondered how Aislinn had been able to keep her.

Perhaps that was Aislinn's reason for treating Gracie the way that she did. She probably knew having any semblance of a child wasn't something a normal mage could have had, and she didn't want to take having the girl for granted.

Either way, he watched as she turned with a satchel over her shoulder and began heading to the door with Gracie holding her hand, saying, "I'll just go get Trista and come down," to Cullen.

"As you wish," he replied, walking out behind her and shutting the door. From there, he decided to head on down to his men and wait for them to show up. On second thought though, he'd come to a stop at the doors and waited just inside because the Teryn's men were still out there and he didn't want them to say something about not escorting the mages out like he figured they probably would.

It wasn't too much longer when Aislinn came walking down with Trista either, the both of them equipped with their staffs and satchels in their hands containing clothing and other needed items. Aislinn carried two, one of which Cullen knew she'd stored books in, and he asked, "Is everything ready?"

"Yes, everything's ready to go," Aislinn replied. Then she looked at Trista, "Just remember not to pay any of these men attention if they try to make any remarks. They seem about as smart as a Nug teasing an angry Mabari."

Trista nodded her head with a soft snicker, but Cullen got her attention when he said, "I doubt that will happen. I'm not allowing either of you to make any interactions with them, which is the way it's supposed to be traditionally to begin with."

Aislinn formed a smile on her lips and said, "Well, we'd be fools not to thank you for that and follow tradition this time around, especially in this situation." Then she sighed and said, "Let's go before anything else happens."

Cullen couldn't have agreed more, turning to the door and opening it to allow the two of them outside. Brent was settled at the reigns of a cart, and as they walked out, naturally, one of the Teryn's men asked, "What's this extra mage? We don't need her."

"She's helped the Teryna before," Cullen responded. "It would be in the lady's best interests to have the extra help with her child."

"That's for the Teryn to decide. It's on your head," the man scoffed back, rolling his eyes.

Cullen rolled his own when he'd turned to climb up onto the cart while the ladies put their things in the back and also got in. Once everything was ready, they began to ride without a word to the Teryn's men, getting on down the roadway and to the drawbridge. According to Dreyan, when Cullen asked, it would take about a day's worth of riding to get to the Keep with the roads in the condition they were in currently with the snow. He was guessing they'd be there tomorrow at the same time.

"Alec said you know the Teryn," Cullen asked him, looking over at the man. "How is that?"

"Milus was a friend of my father's," Dreyan replied. "I was ten when my father passed away, and ever since, he'd helped to take care of me."

"I see. You must be familiar with Cambry, then."

"Cambry was much younger than I, so I never knew him very well, but yes, his reputation began to proceed him eventually as a rambunctious youth with a knack for getting himself into trouble."

Aislinn and Trista were both listening, and after Dreyan had informed his commander of that, Aislinn asked, "Captain, something I never asked you was if there's a _reason_ Cambry hates mages so much. Is it just paranoia? Or do you know at all?"

"Honestly, I'm not particularly certain. His cousin's a mage," Dreyan replied, then shrugged, "but if there's a story there of some kind, I couldn't tell you about it."

Aislinn nodded quietly, and Trista let a little sigh of breath out, adding to the conversation, "I just hope he isn't at the Keep when we arrive. Young or not, he worries me sometimes."

"I don't...," Dreyan started, then shook his head, "with the men going I mean, he should...stay in line."

Something about the way Dreyan had spoken just now reminded Aislinn of something in particular. Of course, she didn't immediately know what it was however, and listened as Trista said, "I hope so. Especially with both you _and_ the Commander there. It makes me feel better at least."

That was when Dreyan said, "Yes...it should m-make things, uh, easier, at least."

Cullen. Aislinn looked over at him - he wasn't currently paying attention to her, instead looking up ahead of them at something along the roadway which had gotten his attention for the moment - and remembered his stuttering with her easily. She kept her face plain however, but putting two and two together, she just figured out something very surprising. Knight Captain Dreyan had feelings for Trista. Aislinn wanted to grin and snicker, but instead, she only smiled and relaxed where she was. This was just _too_ cute.

"What's got you smiling so big, my lady?," Alec asked her when he noticed the expression.

"Oh, nothing much, just thinking of where Gracie figured babies came from," Aislinn replied easily and snorted in amusement. She related the story to them as a gust of cold wind picked up, making her huddle under her cloak a bit more tightly, and Alec had to wipe his eyes over her tale because he'd began to laugh so much, though he kept it down because he didn't want anyone to think there was some kind of party going on in the cart. Who knew what all the Teryn's men would try to complain about whenever they got to the keep.

"Pigeons," Alec chuckled out. "Here I was told that if you spit in a woman's goblet and she drank after you, that was where they came from."

"Ew," Trista drew out, though she was still snickering about it. "That's disgusting."

"That's what _I_ was told," Aislinn chuckled softly. "I swore when I heard it I would _never_ have children," she added with a little smirk on her face.

"I was always told they were spirits from the Fade," Trista started, "and came when a woman and her husband dreamt and one asked you if you'd both like to have a child. If you both managed to agree at the right time, you'd have one," she chuckled softly. "That's what my Grandmother told me anyway."

"Might be simpler that way," Alec said with a smirk. Then he looked at Dreyan and asked, "Alright, what about you? What were _you_ told?"

Dreyan looked thoughtful. Finally, he said, "Honestly, I don't remember. I think my father told me there was a way it was done that he'd just wait until I was older to tell me about, and that was it, you didn't question my father. I never really got any fancy stories from anyone besides that."

Aislinn figured she knew where Dreyan had gotten his seriousness from now when Dreyan spoke of his father in that way. But she curiously looked at Cullen who seemed to be listening to the conversation without much talk of his own, and she asked him, "What were _you_ told, Commander?"

Cullen looked over at her, then he motioned to Trista, "A Sister in the monastery told me the same thing Trista said. There was a variation to her story though. The babies weren't a Fade Spirit, and instead, they were _given_ to you by the Fade Spirit."

"I've heard that too, but the first thing I ever heard was the spit story," Aislinn said, then chuckled when Trista shivered. "I know, Trista, I don't think anyone would have a child if that was the way it was done."

"If you watered it down enough it might not be so bad," Alec mentioned and Trista gave him a disgusted look that made him chuckle softly.

The conversation went that way for a short while, riding down the snow covered roads and through the trees dotting the landscapes. It was friendly, relaxed, the Teryn's men riding ahead of the cart without paying much attention to the Templars or the mages with them thankfully. Eventually however, they came to a stop to rest their horses for a bit and also to get their own breaks if they needed them.

It was getting later into the evening by that time, and Trista had to take a personal break, as did Alec, so they both left the back of the cart, and Dreyan headed out with them since Alec would be occupied and standards had to be kept up to par. Aislinn waited with Cullen for them to come back, and she looked up at him with a curious expression on her face which he noticed after a moment.

"What?"

She smiled, "Don't tell me you haven't noticed Dreyan."

"Noticed him?"

"Yes, the way he's been acting?," Aislinn asked, trying to get it out of Cullen without much prompting to see if he had in fact noticed or not.

"How has he been acting?," Cullen asked, just as confused as ever.

When he asked that, Aislinn looked up to notice that Brent was also off taking his personal break, and so she looked back at Cullen and said, "With Trista. I think he likes her."

Cullen took that in quietly, a brow slowly furrowing over one of his green eyes before he sat back a bit and shook his head, "No, how can you tell that?"

"He stutters when he speaks to her, just like _another_ Templar I used to know," Aislinn informed him with a coy smile.

"Oh...uh...I...I see. No, I hadn't noticed that."

"Pay closer attention when they come back," she suggested. "He also gives her looks when she's not paying attention."

Cullen let out a little sigh and allowed his posture slouch, leaning his arms on his knees. "I hope you're wrong about it."

"Why?," Aislinn asked him curiously.

"Because it isn't easy. Who knows how long he might take to even come to terms with them if he does, and then, if he'd even have a chance to say anything to her about them."

"Oh, good point," Aislinn nodded. She was interrupted from saying more about it though when Brent and Alec came back to the cart, which left Trista and Dreyan out on their breaks.

Alec, as he settled himself back without knowing anything that had been said before he'd come back to the cart, let a soft sigh and mentioned, "I really dislike the Teryn's men. They kept eyeing us on the way into the forest for our breaks."

"As long as they kept their distance," Cullen said, "we'll just have to ignore them for now."

"Aye," Alec agreed, though he still looked a little disgruntled.

Aislinn didn't blame him either, watched as he'd took his helmet up and then began to spin it in one hand as if he'd trained doing such a thing for no other reason than that it was skillful, and she looked up at the darkening sky. "We'll have to find somewhere to camp for the night soon probably. With as dark and cloudy as the sky is, it's not going to allow us to see very well."

Cullen had figured she was right, and nodded in silent response. He'd figured they would ride as far as they could and then find a nice place to settle for the evening, but before he could say anything after he'd given her his nod, Dreyan came back to the cart, fairly quickly as well.

The three of them looked over at him as he came to an abrupt stop, and once he'd started climbing into the back again, Alec asked him, "What in the world happened? Dragon come out of the woods while you were busy?"

"What? No!," Dreyan replied as if what Alec had just asked him was completely preposterous. "I just hurried back because I thought you might be wondering where we were."

"Speaking of which," Aislinn asked, "where's Trista?"

Dreyan motioned over his shoulder saying, "On her way."

Cullen looked back and surely enough saw the young lady walking toward the cart at a much more moderate pace. He did as Aislinn had suggested as well, plainly paying attention to how Dreyan acted around Trista once she'd gotten onto the back of the cart. He said nothing to her, and she didn't seem to be noticing much of anything out of the ordinary, though she _had_ been smiling somewhat quaintly whenever she got onto the cart. Curious indeed.

"Let's get started again," Cullen said after Trista had settled. "We'll try to cover as much ground before night falls."

Brent, sitting at the front of the cart, obeyed his Commander and began to take off with them all in tow. As they started up again, Alec mused aloud, "Maybe we'll get lucky and Brennen's men won't stick around, ride on ahead to the keep. They would if they were smart anyway, to let the Teryna know that help is coming and ease her mind a bit."

"That's true, but I think they're too concerned with whether or not we do anything they can point out about us," Cullen replied. "We'll just have to make sure they know not to come into our area with the mages."

"That's how it's _supposed_ to be according to Chantry law," Dreyan said. "No one on the outside is supposed to interact with a mage at all during travels. Why these men don't seem to know that is beyond me. Then again, this is all Cambry's influence, so it's not completely surprising."

Aislinn didn't mention it, but she'd thought that the Chantry's policy was _such_ a paranoid tradition. People interacted with mages everyday without even knowing it, and they were no worse off for it. But this wasn't about Chantry policy and how archaic it was in several senses. This was just about a bunch of stubborn men who had no manners whatsoever.

Dreyan was right about Cambry as well. He apparently only hated mages because he could from the sound of it. She just hoped that, like them, the night went smoothly enough without much interaction from the Teryn's men and that they could travel on to Brennen's Keep with no worries.

Somehow things didn't always seem to be that simple though.


	28. Intermission

_XXVIII. Intermission_

The group got a little more travel time in that night thankfully because the clouds had moved out for a while, allowing in a little more moonlight aside from the torches they lit to put on the sides of the cart and help for easier navigation over the snow covered terrain. Aislinn fell asleep without even realizing it as they went, and Trista dozed off for just a short bit before a few bumps in the road woke her again.

That was when Cullen noticed Dreyan's possible affections for Trista as Aislinn had mentioned to him earlier. He'd been thinking to himself quietly, settled next to Aislinn at that point because of the way the wind was blowing, and the back of the cart was helping to take the chill off of him. Not to mention Alec had also gotten time for a rest, and in his sleep, he kept shoving his boots in Cullen's direction, which Dreyan had remarked on by saying the man never had been a light sleeper.

So Cullen moved, relaxing against his back and hearing Aislinn let a few mutters every now and again just across from him which he would idly wonder if there was any meaning behind them. He was also keeping an ear out to their surroundings when they suddenly hit a bump and Trista let out a little groan of frustration, sitting up and rubbing her eyes quietly.

Dreyan's voice was what brought Cullen's attention back into focus on his immediate surroundings as the Captain asked the young mage very quietly, "Are you...alright?"

She'd looked up and smiled at him, nodding her head without a verbal response. Dreyan had then offered her one of his rare smiles in return, and Cullen doubted he even knew he was doing that, but the smile more than the words told Cullen all he needed to know. It also made him wonder briefly if _he'd_ ever smiled at Aislinn without paying any attention to it, but he decided not to think about that. Instead, he thought about whether or not he should speak with Dreyan over this. After all, he'd feel like a hypocrite if he tried to remind the man of how impossible it all was really, or at least improbable, when Cullen himself had decided to try for something more with Aislinn regardless of the difficulties surrounding them.

Still, maybe he _should_ speak with Dreyan, he considered. Perhaps his position put him in a place where he would be able to at least offer the young man some advice. He hesitated on that however. Cullen thought it might be a better idea to ask Aislinn what she thought first. After all, Aislinn not only knew Dreyan better, but also, talking to him would mean telling him that Cullen was getting involved with the First Enchanter. So this would concern her inevitably and he would have to consult her about it first.

But eventually, the cart was stopped and they made camp. This was for two reasons, the first being that the clouds had began to gather again and snow had started falling lightly. The other reason was that the roadways weren't in the best of shape, the bumping only getting worse as they went, so they would need to make sure they could see to avoid dips and getting stuck, otherwise they might lose a wheel or get stranded altogether. Daylight was going to be necessary for that.

Camp wasn't too hard to set up. They had two small tents, one that was big enough for both of the mages, and the other the Templars were going to take turns sleeping in after shifts of watching camp and the surrounding area. Aislinn used her magic to start a fire where Alec had set up a pile of wood he'd found and brought back over, and Brent tended to the horses with Dreyan's help, making sure they were fed and watered.

Trista got a little food out which she started cooking in a pan, just some salted pork and bread, nothing fancy, but it got the camp to smell good after a while. Cullen had gone with Alec during that point in time to check around the area and make sure there was nothing about, such as wild animals or anything else that might sneak up on them unexpectedly, and then came back to see Aislinn settled with Trista by the fire, Brent across from them on the opposite side, and Dreyan getting the second tent fixed up completely. Brent was taking the first rest since he'd spent the day driving them.

Trista gave the Templar some of the food she'd just made and told him to go ahead and retire to the tent to eat there where it would be warmer for him. The blonde haired Templar thanked her for it and did just that, heading inside to get a little shuteye. Alec volunteered to take first watch while Cullen joined them with Dreyan, and settled himself near the fire when he heard Aislinn asking, "Did you find anything to worry about?"

"No," he shook his head. "Not even tracks. This place is deserted."

"Good," Aislinn sighed out, reaching to take some of the bread and pork that Trista then offered her, thanking her for it. "You know what makes me the most angry about this kind of thing?" She shook her head and answered, "The fact that if an apostate were to come along, he'd think Trista and I were here under some kind of captivity. If he had friends with them, they would attack."

"I was thinking that too," Trista said softly. "I...know...they don't understand how different it is in Morsfeld, and even I'm surprised by how it is. But I would be very upset if any of the Templars were attacked because of us."

"It...wouldn't...be your fault."

Dreyan had told her that, and Aislinn thought it was the cutest thing in the world. She didn't interrupt however, simply went on with her eating while Dreyan added, "It would be the mage's faults for misunderstanding everything."

"I know," Trista replied, then sighed out a breath. "I just wish people would ask questions first, or in the very least, leave everyone else to their own business.

"Leaving people to their own business has always been one of the biggest problems have had it seems," Aislinn spoke finally. "People always like to stick their noses where they don't belong. Speaking of which," she looked around and narrowed her brows, "where are the Teryn's men anyway? Did they ride on ahead without us?"

"No," Cullen shook his head, "Alec and I spotted them up the road a good ways, in their own camp. But at least they're not interfering with us."

Trista pursed her lips over the news. "I'm glad Alec's out looking then. They might be in their own camp, but I wouldn't be surprised if one of them starts sneaking around, trying something funny. They antagonize every chance they get."

"That's why Alec's out there," Cullen supplied. "I figured they wouldn't be content to leave well enough alone."

Trista looked at Cullen and gave a nod of her head, but her expression became curious. After a moment, she asked, "Commander, can I ask you something...and I don't...mean to pry. I'm just curious about it."

Cullen was quite for a moment, but he nodded finally, asking her, "What is it?"

"You were in Kirkwall when that Chantry was destroyed, weren't you?"

He was silent for a moment, but his countenance didn't change, remained fairly stern and unreadable. Still, he answered, "I was."

"Did you...do you, I mean, know who the mage was that destroyed it?"

Cullen thought about that, and slowly began nodding, "Yes, we know who did it. The last I've heard however, all attempts to locate him have failed."

"Actually, I was curious about something else," Trista told him in response to that, making Cullen think she was about to ask him why the Templars there attacked the entire Circle instead of just dragging in the mage who'd destroyed the Chantry to begin with. Instead, she surprised him by asking, "I wanted to know if...well, do you know _why_ he did it? I mean I know the stories, the ones that say it was done to try to free mages, or to make a statement, and then some of the stories say it was just a madman with a vendetta. I wanted to know which of those were true, if you know that is."

Cullen sighed in a breath deeply, knowing he was about to say something Trista, and even Aislinn, probably wouldn't like. But he said it anyway. "I don't know his precise reasoning for certain, but like so many typical mages being pushed into a corner, he reacted. He'd been allowed freedom in Kirkwall however, freedom for several years while consorting with the Champion as one of his friends, but the Champion didn't know anything about the explosion prior to it happening from what I understand. Still, he destroyed it. That doesn't make a very convincing statement to me."

Aislinn listened to this, and she looked down, shaking her head. "As much as I hate to say it, I _can_ understand the actions taken. I don't _agree_ with them, but I know where they came from."

Cullen couldn't help the look he gave Aislinn when she said that. Seeing it, she waved a hand idly and said, "Sometimes it's hard to handle, the thought that all your life you were kept in check, missing out on things that other, normal people got to do because everyone is so afraid of you, or missing family that you were taken away from like I missed mine. That's what I mean by understanding. Even now, I look back at my youth, and I get so bitter over it all that I can't see straight. I would _never_ do something like that, but I know the root of it."

Cullen wished that didn't make so much sense, but it had. He wanted to make a reply of sometime, but Dreyan beat him to the punch by asking her, "What happened to your family?"

Aislinn looked at the Captain, and then looked down. "I was an only child, and my mother was ill when they found out I had magical abilities. They took me away from her, and not long after I was sent to the Tower, she died, and I...wasn't there for her. Sometimes I think she might not have died at all if I had been allowed to stay. My father passed away half a year later, from illness they said, but I half wonder if it wasn't from loneliness, missing his wife and his child."

Everyone was quiet after Aislinn said that, and Cullen couldn't help but to stare at her. He didn't know she'd lost her parents right after being taken to the Circle Tower, though he knew the Chantry would have argued that she wasn't her parent's child any longer anyhow. As he considered it, he heard Dreyan saying, "I'm sorry, I...I didn't mean to bring up something so painful. I should've known it would be from the way you spoke though."

"No, it's okay," Aislinn replied, offering Dreyan a small smile. "I haven't spoken of them in quite some time. I think they deserve a mention again."

She watched the Captain nodding his head, but even though she'd told him that, she still felt like she needed a moment alone. It had been a _very_ long time since she'd mentioned her parents to anyone after all, and it still hurt her to speak of them. Now that she'd eaten, she felt it was a good time to excuse herself for a moment being the only person who hadn't had a real personal break yet except when she'd gone to relieve herself once they'd stopped to set camp, and she pushed herself up, saying, "Still, I need a minute for a break. I'll be right back."

Cullen watched her standing and turning to leave, getting the feeling that she needed the time alone, and after she'd gotten far enough away, Dreyan said, "I hope I didn't cause that."

"No, she's fine, I'm sure. Stay here with Trista," he added. "I don't like the thought of her being completely alone with the Teryn's men potentially about."

"Yes, Ser," Dreyan nodded, and watched his commander standing up to walk off in the direction that Aislinn had gone.

While Cullen's main goal was, in fact, to keep the Teryn's men in line, he was also concerned about Aislinn and wanted to make sure she was alright. It wasn't hard to follow her either, the tracks in the snow very direct, and Cullen didn't worry that he would barge in on something he shouldn't have because everyone had taken a personal break right after they'd made camp.

Finally, he came across the large pond that he and Alec had found before, glimmering distantly in the moonlight beyond the trees, and followed the tracks around some thick bushes that med to a little clearing that was partially enclosed by the plant life. Aislinn was standing around the corner, and as he got closer, he asked her name, which got her to look over at him.

Aislinn had come to stop by two trees standing within the small clearing of brush she'd found where she figured she'd be mostly out of sight as she hadn't forgotten about the Teryn's men either, leaning against one of them, her hands folded around herself to try to keep warmer, and when she saw Cullen, she replied by saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I just needed a few minutes by myself."

"It's alright. I just wanted to make sure you really were fine, not to mention the Teryn's men being about as they are isn't a situation I want to leave you alone in, regardless of your status as a mage. I thought I should tell you I was here first however," he replied. "I'll leave if you wish."

Aislinn got a half smile on her lips, then she shook her head, "No, stay. It's secluded and quiet here, and I think we both need some silence after the day of traveling we've had."

Cullen could agree with that, so he stepped into the clearing, stopping at the tree she was standing near with about three feet of distance between the two of them. Looking down at her, he started a little quiet conversation by saying, "I didn't know you lost your parents in such a way."

She was quiet, but then began to nod after a moment of thought. "I still miss them, and I _hated_ the Templars who went with me to my mother's funeral. I wanted to be alone and they wouldn't let me be. I just felt so strange, like I was some kind of disease running around. I didn't want to tell you that though because I was afraid that...it might be insulting to you."

"No," he shook his head. "I can understand why you'd feel that way, though. I...changed my views on mages, so even if I wanted to, I'd have no right to feel such a way about it. But I still think some things practiced are...unjust. A child should never be taken from a _loving_ parent." Aislinn could tell by the way he said those words that he'd meant them, and let him continue as she listened. "Even _I_ can't convince myself that it's a reasonable practice where it concerns mages. It's necessary to watch them, true, but I've always thought it might be more practical to make arrangements for someone to stay with them when they're children."

She nodded at him, glad he at least thought that much. "I wish they would have. I think what hurts me the most is knowing she was sick and not being there with her at least when she died."

"I think I can understand that too," he replied softly. "I...never knew my own parents, so perhaps not quite as well, but I wouldn't like to lose someone important to me in that manner."

Aislinn continued watching him quietly after he spoke, remembering that he'd been raised by Sisters in a monastery, and so she couldn't help but ask, "You don't know your parent's names at all?"

"No," he shook his head, shrugging a single, pauldron covered shoulder. "I've wanted to know who they were and why I didn't know them. But I've never been able to get any information."

"Did the Sister you mentioned not know anything?"

"No, she only began serving in that monastery when I was about six years old, long after any information could have been passed on to her. The Mother there seemed to know a bit more though. She said she met my mother but didn't know her by name. All she could tell me was that she was a lovely woman, but I still don't know to this day if she meant in looks or in personality. She also never told me why my mother didn't keep me. She said she would when I was older, but she passed away before the time ever came."

Aislinn thought about that for a few minutes, then suggested, "Not that I'm trying to hit a soft spot, but have you ever considered that your mother might have been a mage? Or maybe both of them?"

"Actually," he sighed, "yes, the thought crossed my mind a time or two. I just can't say for certain."

"I wish you could, Cullen," Aislinn replied softly. She hated the thought of another child being taken from its parents simply because they were mages, but it happened far too often, and there were several people who didn't know their parents because of it. Cullen could have easily been one of many. Still, she told him, "Who knows though, maybe one day you will."

"Maybe," he nodded, "if the Maker is willing for it. But I'd be content not to know as well. It's not at the foremost part of my mind, and hasn't been for quite some time."

"I understand," Aislinn informed him, then offered a small smile. She got the feeling he wasn't completely comfortable with the subject, or uncomfortable, just that he didn't really care about talking about it, so she decided to change it for him. In doing so, she waved a hand and said, "So, I had a thought about something I may as well tell you while we're here alone by the way. I think you might want to speak to Dreyan."

_Well that was strange_, Cullen thought to himself. "I'd had the same thought. I wanted to ask your opinion on it."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I felt talking to him, I may have to divulge a few things, namely between you and me, and I thought to ask before I said anything at all."

Aislinn couldn't help smiling at him over that line. Nodding, she said, "Well, I think you should, even if you have to mention us, this, you know. Or tell Marleyna since she'll figure it out eventually anyway," she chuckled softly.

"Yes, she seems to have a knack for doing that," Cullen replied with a smile on his face even though his tone had been a bit bland. "I do wonder what I might say to him though. Marleyna is better with these kinds of things than I am. Until I spoke with her about it, I was still dead set against trying to have anything to do with you in that manner."

"Then I guess I should thank her," Aislinn replied with a smile. Curiously, she asked him, "Did you..._really_ think it would be so wrong? Or was it just your duty you were concerned with, and this getting in the way of that?"

"I...uh," he drew out, thinking it over. "Maybe both at times. I...thought I could handle it sometimes, but others I reminded myself that my entire focus needed to be on the Order and my dedication to it." After admitting that, he let a little sigh, which showed up as steam in the cold air, then told her, "Honestly I've been rather torn lately. Marleyna has shown me so many things that I'm not quite certain where I stand anymore."

"Are you torn on me?," she asked, unable to help herself.

"Yes," he told her honestly. "But I've decided I can't just look back, not after everything that's happened, Aislinn. Most of what I'm torn on regarding you is trying to figure out just _how_ I stand with you when I'm not certain of where I stand anywhere else, and how that might end up affecting you in the future. I don't want to put you at unnecessary risk."

His concern for her well being was extremely touching, and Aislinn began nodding in her understanding while reaching over and taking his hand into both of hers. "Talk to me about it then. I could offer some kind of perspective at least."

"I had the feeling you would say that, and...I agree," he replied, reaching his free hand up to cover the top of hers as he spoke. "I just...don't know how I can continue to stand for them both when I'm so uncertain of who I can trust anymore."

"It's hard outside of the Circle," Aislinn said plainly. "I don't know who to trust either. But...I _know_ I can trust you, and the ones here with me. I have friends, and that's what matters most." Following that, she let out a little sigh and looked down. "When the time comes, if it comes and we're forced into making choices, I will remain loyal to them, and to you."

Cullen knew that was the best course of action in any matter, though hearing her saying she'd remain loyal to him if push came to shove really relieved him in some way he hadn't quite expected it to. She was also right about things being difficult outside of the circle. The Templars, his men at Morsfeld, he'd come to know a good deal better over the time he'd been at the Circle, and he knew they were reliable, as well as the Clergy there, and even the mages.

He couldn't say he was friends with any of them other than the Senior Mages perhaps, but they weren't scared, they didn't cower away, they interacted with his own men and he'd heard conversations being held discussing issues, even beliefs when it came to certain practices, and it was always a debate, never an argument. It was different from what he'd known before, and the mages listened to them, didn't try to defy them whenever things had to be done in a certain way.

Of course, normal practices weren't being exercised either, but there was obedience, and there was understanding, things that had been given from the mages when they in turn had been handed more freedoms and less scrutiny. It was debunking the Chantry's views on them, and Cullen's opinions. For the first time in a long while, he felt more like the man he used to who was a little more open and receptive to suggestion, and less like a heartless soldier who was looked at with fear and even contempt. He'd nearly forgotten how good that actually felt. In turn, it made him wonder if the Templars had also been so unhappy because they'd had difficulty in finding acceptance of their own, not with each other of course, but simply with their duties in watching the mages of a Circle.

So Cullen, looking at Aislinn now, told her, "I would stand by this people in this Circle and Marleyna if I were made to choose, and however I can, I will stand by you. But, " he started, asking her, "What if wherever I ended up standing went against what you stand for as a mage?"

"What about the things I stand for as a human?," Aislinn asked in response. "I'm human first, Cullen. Call me unpatriotic all you want to," she chuckled, using the term loosely, "but just living well is more important to me. Yes, mages have to fight for the right to be human, but I don't side with mages, or Templars. I side with people. Those I think have the best interests at heart are those who would have my loyalty."

He liked how she'd said that. Looking her over, he thought about it for a moment, and watched her lifting a hand to his cheek, brushing her gloved fingers along it slowly. The snow continued to drift down around them, and he said, "If that's true, and you stood by me, I would feel truly fortunate and honored."

"I know," she chuckled out softly, then she let a little gasp and covered her mouth. The sudden action got him a little confused, but before he could ask her what it was all about, she snickered, and then looked around as if making certain they were _absolutely_ alone. The movement got Cullen to look about briefly himself, seeing no one whatsoever, until she looked back up at him and said, "I still need to fill that promise you made me keep about telling you the truth of what went on."

His face became a bit blank, and Aislinn continued smiling and stepped in a bit closer, deciding if she was going to tell him this - and now seemed like as good a time as any - then she was going to do it right. She took his hands and put them around her back, then settled her own against his arms and said, "I promise you when I say that nothing happened that could be called _bad_, Cullen, so don't fret over that. Everything you did was perfectly...," she tried not to snicker, and then told him, "gentlemanly."

His face felt like it was burning. Still, like a moth being drawn to a burning flame, he asked her, "What was that?"

Her silver eyes locked on his as she told him, "Well, I myself thought it was nice, of course, but you were ill, and out of it, so I had to stop you from going further. Still, I liked what _did_ happen."

Cullen felt as if his head might've exploded, or been about to, but here she was just smiling and being..._coy_ of all things about it. Telling him she'd enjoyed what they _had_ done was _not_ something he needed to hear - though that shouldn't suggest he hadn't _liked_ to hear it. But the part that liked hearing it was buried under a good bit of humility, modesty, and embarrassment about as thick as the layer of snow they were standing in covering the ground. He couldn't find any words to speak in that moment, staring down at her blankly.

Aislinn didn't stop either, she just told him the truth. "I was asleep, but I started waking up to find you were on me, kissing me."

"Kissing you?"

"My chest, yes."

Silence.

"Then you kissed me on the mouth when I told you to stop and get more rest, brushed my lips with your thumb, and asked against my ear why you ached whenever you thought of me. This was, of course, after you'd started trying to undress me a little."

Cullen couldn't help himself. He suddenly let go of her and turned around to walk away a good few steps while muttering out, "Maker...!" He covered his upper face with his hand and rubbed his temples slowly, drawing thumb and forefinger over his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please say I didn't."

"You made me promise to tell you the truth," Aislinn replied plainly, stepping in behind him quietly. She stopped when he suddenly turned around in response and found her standing right at him when he'd expected her to still be in the same spot as before, which made him back up as if out of sheer instinct alone. But she grabbed his hand before he could get too far away and pulled, though he didn't budge much.

She couldn't help but snicker over it, saying, "Don't worry about it so much, Cullen. I told you the exact truth, and I meant it when I said I didn't feel one bit ashamed by it or embarrassed."

"But _I_ do," he replied, still staring at her with that mortification in his eyes that she'd thought briefly might've been gone due to his newfound comfort with her. _Nope, he's still as shy as he once was_.

"I understand that," she replied, still holding onto his hand. "But you did absolutely _nothing_ wrong. You just kissed me somewhere you hadn't yet, and then told me something you wouldn't say so easily if you knew what you were doing."

"How can you be so...carefree about it?," he asked her in return, and the question wasn't accusatory at all. He was honestly wondering this, considering he had a hard time even looking at her just then. "It doesn't bother you?"

"No," she shook her head. "Not at all. You know, if you came a little closer, I'd show you why too."

Cullen blinked, unable to understand what that meant exactly. "What are you..."

"Cullen," Aislinn started, then she smiled and just stepped in herself. He had no where to go after all, a tree being behind him which he'd backed into when she'd moved. She continued to smile as she leaned up and said, "Close your eyes for me."

"I...I'd rather not."

Aislinn pursed her lips at him, lifting a single brow, and Cullen finally decided to listen, letting a soft sigh of breath before he shut his eyes. Aislinn only wished for two things in that moment, one being a small footstool so that she didn't have to lean so far, and the other was that he wasn't wearing quite so much armor, but she made due. She leaned up and showed him exactly how she could be so carefree and not bothered about it.

Cullen waited, thinking she was probably going to pull some trick on him like stuffing a snow ball in his face or some other such thing, but instead, he felt her lips on his chin, brushing slowly up, but not to his own. Instead, she traced them along his jaw slowly, one of her hands hooked around his shoulder, the other at his back which was less covered than his front side, her fingers running up and down his spine slowly beneath his sword and shield, only impeded by the straps holding his plate mail on.

From his jaw, she began to trace her lips down the side of his neck, parting them and drawing her tongue lightly over his skin, just barely scraping it with her teeth without purposeful intent. As she began to nibble, she felt his posture going more lax, heard him let out a breath, and since he'd leaned into it a good bit more, she let go of his shoulder and rubbed both of her hands across his back before turning her head to the opposite side of his neck, giving a slight suck and then moving up toward his ear. When she nibbled lightly there, she felt him pulling her in with both arms, guessing she'd found just the right spot.

Against his ear, after she'd stopped her attention for a moment, she whispered out softly, "I love you, Cullen, more than you know." Then she brushed her lips against the rim and added, "I don't think giving you a little joy for it is out of the question."

Cullen felt a good bit of dizziness washing over him when she said those words like that, his lips parted as he drew breath, leaning his head into her slowly as she continued to draw her lips against him. It was making him tingle all over, his breathing picking up a bit, and between kisses, he heard her asking, "How do you feel now?"

He didn't think he _could_ have answered, but he heard himself saying, "Dizzy..."

"That's why it doesn't bother me, love," she whispered back. "Being close to you and knowing you enjoy it is worth being carefree about it."

She turned her head and kissed his lips then, and as soon as he felt the touch, he reacted to it, giving her the same kiss back, deepening it. He loved the way she felt, the way her fingers pushed through his hair, the way she kissed him, and most of all, he loved her. Knowing those things he'd done now didn't seem so bad, and what she'd told him about being carefree made sense, especially when he heard the soft whimper in the back of her throat as he'd kissed her, telling him she was enjoying it.

He had to follow suit, find out more of her meaning behind it, and he broke the kiss and turned his head against her cheek with the effort, pressing kisses along her jaw and to her throat, doing more than his reservations ever really allowed him to, but doing the things he'd always _wanted_ to anyway. He felt her tightening her grip on him in response to the kisses he places against her skin, heard a slight pick up of breath, and the satisfaction of getting that kind of reaction was overwhelming to him. He wanted to draw her in tighter and continue on, find out even more, but two things stopped him from doing everything he'd had an inkling to do in that moment.

One thing was where those kinds of actions would lead them both, which brought him to the second reason, and that was where they were currently at. It was not the right place for that kind of thing, and just as he'd stopped himself, he heard both a foreign sound and that of her whispering his name to him. Her voice sounded more serious than it should have though in that situation, so he knew she'd heard the sound as well and had been trying to get his attention over it.

Aislinn had only opened her eyes slightly when he'd first broken the kiss, unable to help the way her breathing had picked up as he'd moved along, her grip on him tightening, her head lolling to the side in response to his lip brushing the sensitive skin of her throat as if to give him better access. She was of the mind to let him continue on if he wanted to, but the same thoughts about their location had entered her head, and that was when she heard a crack of wood as if a twig or some other limb of a tree had been snapped somewhere off in the distance or another. It could've been Alec making his rounds in watch she'd thought at first, but it broke through her daze of enjoyment completely and in response to it, Aislinn whispered Cullen's name to get his attention.

He was already looking up though while she was staring in the direction it had come from, and they both remained quiet for a moment, watching the area.

Silently, Aislinn stepped away from Cullen, and he let go of her, the both of them moving from where they'd been standing in order to be able to see beyond the thick branches of the shrubbery that had been hiding them. The pond in the distance was reflecting moonlight shining in from breaks here and there in the clouds, which illuminated the area in the darkness through the snow that was so lightly falling - but neither of them saw anything, all being quiet as they'd walked out to have a look.

So Aislinn turned her head and glanced up at Cullen, saying, "I guess we should head back anyway before Dreyan and Trista think I drowned in my own tears."

She'd turned to go, but felt Cullen grabbing her shoulder to stop her, so she looked back at him, about to ask him what was wrong. She stopped herself however when she saw his other hand on the hilt of his sword. Apparently he'd caught wind of something he didn't like, so Aislinn let him step ahead of her when he softly said, "Just stay right there." He moved past her following those words and she took in a breath, scanning the area with her eyes quietly while Cullen stopped about five feet ahead of her.

She wished she knew what it was he might've detected, but whatever it was remained a secret to her. Perhaps he just had a gut feeling because she was starting to feel very iffy about the situation herself. Something just wasn't right about it, like someone might've been watching them both from the darkness, and it sent a chill through her that wasn't related to the cold weather. As soon as she'd had the thought, she heard a sound as if air was being cut at a sharp and face pace, just as sharp and fast as the pain that suddenly struck her in the left shoulder. The force of the unknown blow knocked her back about two feet at very most, into a tree standing just behind her which stopped her from going any farther.

Aislinn wanted to fall over afterwards, but as she stumbled, something held her into place painfully. She couldn't even imagine in that moment as she'd let a second cry of pain out - the first she hadn't even heard - _what_ was holding her up, but she tried to steady herself. Time seemed to be standing still however, and she felt as if her mind was stuck in one place on the pain she felt. She had to force herself to look and see.

Finally she realized the source, her silver eyes focusing on the arrow sticking out of her shoulder, pinning her to the trunk of the tree behind her, and she steadied herself as best as she could despite the pain shooting through her arm and up into her neck, blood trailing down the inside of her robe and finally to her palm, dripping across her fingertips and into the snow and dirt below her boots. She'd been pinned somewhat high as well, having to stand on the balls of her feet to stop the pain from being so intense, and she wasn't exactly sure how she was managing to do it.

She barely even heard Cullen speaking as he'd reached her, though she sensed he was there, breathing heavily as she turned her gaze toward him while he looked away from her and back out into the distance again. For a few brief moments, she was expecting another arrow to strike her down now that she was no longer a free moving target, and she exhaled and scanned the trees with wide eyes to try to detect any threats she could before they struck and take it out from where she was currently being pinned.

She didn't even realize that her fists were currently flaming as if readying to take a distant target down. Still, maybe it was the grace of the Maker, but that final blow never came.

The direction from which she'd been hit and pinned was telling, but Cullen couldn't just leave Aislinn where she was, especially when he heard more noise following the shot of the arrow, as if someone was trying to get away, and quickly as well. Instead, he turned around to face her and sheathed his blade. As soon as Aislinn had let her cry of pain out after the arrow had hit, he'd tugged the weapon free because he knew _something_ was out there, he just hadn't been able to discern _what_ precisely.

Now he knew it was _someone_ armed with a bow, and that _someone_ had shot from the same direction as the Teryn's men's camp was in.

He'd have to deal with them later, however. For now, he focused on Aislinn, and the task ahead of him of getting her unpinned from the tree so that she could heal herself. But he _would_ deal with them. There was no question in that.


	29. Right of Purification

_XXIX. Right of Purification_

The night was only getting colder, but Aislinn felt like it might as well have been in the far south beyond the Korcari Wilds because of her injury. Cullen turned to her from watching the forests as he'd heard the sounds of the assailant scurrying off into the woods, focusing his attentions on her for now. She was pinned to the tree behind her, and he began looking over the wound in her shoulder and the arrow sticking out of the tree trunk through it. It was bleeding, but perhaps not as much as it could have been considering the arrow was stopping up the blood flow.

Her hands distracted him from it however when he saw that she'd lit them on fire in those moments as if ready to set the place ablaze, probably in mindless fear and retaliation, and he looked back at her face. She probably hadn't heard them running away because the pain had blocked everything else out.

"Aislinn, stop, they ran off." He wasn't certain if she was paying too much attention through her pain though, or if she was about to cast spells in a state of panic, so he began using his ability of cleansing which would prevent her from casting any spells in a possibly mindless state of being. It would drain her mana, and maybe make her feel a little more weak, but it was better than accidentally burning herself alive and him as well. So because of that ability, the fire drew away from her hands as if it'd been stifled of air while he focused the talent.

Once the signs that she might've been about to cast a spell without thinking were diminished, he looked back up at her face and asked her name again.

Aislinn's response was quick. What she'd really noticed was feeling her magical energy draining which snapped her out of her panicked reaction to being shot and pinned, and she knew that Cullen was asserting his abilities as a Templar in order to keep her magic contained so she wouldn't go haywire and cause a bad accident, and she couldn't say she didn't thank him for it somewhere in a currently dormant part of her mind because she'd still been afraid someone was going to take advantage of her helpless state and try to kill her. She hadn't heard the footsteps running off as he had because she'd been too distracted by the pain to hear them, so for all she knew, a second shot could have come at any second.

But she finally realized his words to her, what he'd just done to keep her from lashing out thoughtlessly, and she took a breath before she replied quickly. "Pull it out, Cullen," came the breathless words. "Just give it a good jerk. I can heal myself afterwards, or Trista can I mean."

He didn't hesitate and reached over for the shaft of the projectile without question, grabbing it in both hands. He decided to employ a method he'd used with his men when it came to this kind of thing, which was to tell them he'd count to three, but then yank it out at two when they weren't expecting it. It seemed to lessen the pain in a way, or at least make the anticipation less hurtful.

"On three," he started, and began to count, doing exactly as he'd planned on, and pulling at two suddenly. But sadly, the arrow wouldn't budge.

Aislinn cringed when he began to pull, trying to tug the arrow both from her and from the tree trunk, the strain making the wound ache more and more until finally she grabbed his arm with her free hand and said, "Stop!," on a desperate tone.

With the arrow still stuck in the tree, Cullen stopped and let go of it, then looked at her while lifting his hand to her cheek and apologizing fervently. "I'm sorry, Aislinn," he took a breath, then added, "but it's pierced the trunk too deeply and won't budge."

Aislinn gave him a single nod of understanding, then she looked up at him and breathed out the words, "You'll have to break the end of it off and I'll have to pull myself off of the shaft." It would hurt more like that then simply yanking it out of her shoulder fast, but if it wasn't coming out of the tree, then it would have to do.

"Yes," Cullen started, then told her, "but let _me_ pull you from it so you don't fall once you're free."

"Okay," she replied, and let him reach up to the arrow again, taking it so he could snap the end with the fletchings off to allow her to slip away from the shaft. Once he had the snapped the feathered tip into his hand, the colors of green and white, he shoved it into the pouch on his belt for later, keeping in mind what it looked like in the meantime. Then he turned more to face Aislinn and let her hook her arm around his shoulders while putting a hand against the trunk of the tree behind her so he could tug her forward with an arm around her waist slowly and off of the shaft of the arrow. He knew it was going to hurt her, but hopefully it wouldn't hurt her that much.

Just before he tried however, he heard a voice coming from behind, asking, "Commander? I heard a yell, what's going on?"

"The First Enchanter's been shot and pinned with an arrow," Cullen replied to Alec who'd come over when he'd heard the yell Aislinn had let out in the distance from where he'd been scouting around camp. Cullen further explained as he drew nearer, "I need to pull her from this tree because it won't budge from the trunk. It's dug in too deeply."

Alec cringed when he heard that, giving his Commander a nod without question since now wasn't the time in specific to try to ask if he knew who had done it, though Alec didn't need to even think to guess at it. After explaining what he had to Alec, Cullen looked back at Aislinn and told her, "Alright, hold onto me."

She tried to manage a nod, but she couldn't quite get one out because of the pain in her neck, saying instead, "Alright." As soon as she did, she grasped him tightly with her free arm and Cullen went to tug her forward. She knew it would hurt, wasn't inexperienced as far as arrows were concerned, but as he tightened his grip and went to pull on her, a pain shot through her even worse than before, one that was so bad it got her to let out a scream.

Apparently the arrow had wedged itself in bone, or very, very close to it, and as soon as Aislinn screamed, Cullen stopped and gave her an anguished look. The sound had cut through him like he'd just been stabbed with another arrow himself.

He couldn't say anything though because she was begging him, "Don't, please! It's...the bone! I can...I can feel it!" Aislinn was crying but she didn't even realize it, trembling against him. She'd been hit with arrows before, so in all honesty, this wasn't completely new to her, but they'd _never_ hurt like that coming out, and she hadn't been prepared for that type of pain.

"Bloody...," Alec drew out from behind Cullen, shaking his head over the situation. "You'll have to try to cut the arrow out of the tree using your blade, but I don't even know if you can reach it."

With an expression that said he hated this, Cullen took his comrade's suggestions to heart and moved to crane his head, looking behind her. He could see that there was little room between her and the trunk, but perhaps it was enough, though it might take some doing. Before he could consider it however, Aislinn said softly, "No, you'll...just have to jerk...to get me...off of it, no matter how much it hurts. I'll be healed afterwards anyway, so you'...just..."

Cullen lifted his head back and looked at her, saying sternly, "Aislinn, no, not with the way you just screamed."

"Just do it!," she got out urgently. "I'm already on the...balls of my feet...it's pinning me too high. The ground isn't...even, it'll take too long...especially if you're holding me up any."

Cullen let out a sigh, but he heard movement behind him, a rip of clothe, and he looked over to see Alec walking toward them with a strip of the skirt belonging to his uniform in hand, which he was rolling up. As he reached them both, he said, "Here, my lady, bite down on this."

Aislinn looked over at him and let him place the tightly rolled up clothe into her mouth to bite down on, and heard Cullen saying as this went on, "Alec, go to camp and bring Trista here. Aislinn's going to need the healing magic. I had to cleanse her because I thought she was going to start casting spells in a panic so she can't do it herself right now."

"Aye, right away, Ser," Alex replied before he took off.

Once he was heading to do as his Commander had asked him to, Cullen looked at Aislinn sorrowfully, hating this for her as he brushed some hair out of her face and said softly, "I'm so sorry, love. I know it hurts." He lowered his hand behind her while he spoke, placing it against the trunk of the tree in preparation while wrapping his other arm around her and adding, "Tell me when you're ready."

She gave him as sympathetic a look as she could muster in that moment for his comfort, unable to reply with the clothe in her mouth, but she knew he didn't like this either. Still, she was glad that he was there at least, feeling further comforted by the kiss he'd then leaned in and placed on her cheek. As he did that, she considered when to tell him that she was ready, taking a deep breath to prepare herself, and without warning, _that_ was when he pulled with all of his strength. Aislinn hadn't expected it just then because of the kiss he'd given her, because she thought he was waiting for her to say 'when' in so many words, and the sound she let coming from the back of her throat as she felt bone cracking over the shaft of the arrow was nothing less than agonized even though it was muffled with her teeth biting into the cloth that Alec had placed in her mouth for her.

Cullen tried his best to ignore the sounds she made and even the blood that spurted out of her and onto his chest plate so he could continue pulling on her, absolutely hating the way it sounded, but he continued to tug her off of it. Just as he almost had her free completely, the damned thing snapped behind her mid pull. So a part of it was left hanging out of her shoulder in the back, still embedded in her skin, as Cullen got her away from the trunk.

Cullen could see it once he'd stepped back and freed her, and without question he reached up and jerked it out of her without pause, throwing it to the side. It came away without any problem thankfully.

Aislinn was sobbing, the pain blinding her. She didn't even realize what kind of death grip she had on Cullen with her good arm, who dropped to his knee as he held her, vaguely hearing him saying, "You'll be fine in a few moments, love, I promise." All she could do was cling to him and try to cope with the pain shooting through her arm.

Cullen turned her in his arms while she did and, without asking, pushed an arm under her knees and lifted her up, making sure he kept her injured arm in place at her side with his hand so it wouldn't jar her, which was the side facing away from him as he lifted her, and then turned around to carry Aislinn to meet Alec and Trista halfway. Aislinn was so out of it that she didn't even care just then. The sooner she was healed, the better.

Thankfully, as Cullen had began to carry her, he saw that Alec and Trista were already heading toward them, so he didn't have to go far.

"Messere!," Trista gasped out when she moved over to them and saw the wound in Aislinn's shoulder that was freely flowing blood now.

Aislinn spit the clothe out of her mouth finally and groaned out, taking a deep breath before saying softly, "Hello," as if meeting someone casually, which proved she wasn't too worse off for the wear at least. She even mustered a small smile at her apprentice through the tears she'd cried. "That felt...so good," she told Trista sarcastically. "I should...do it once a day from...now on."

Trista smiled at her and then reached her hands up to place on Aislinn's shoulder, saying, "Who ever thought I'd be using the skills you taught me on you?"

"It's good for...evaluation," Aislinn replied, trying to smile, but she cringed a bit when Trista covered the wound with her hands. Still, the blue light seeping into her skin from her student's fingertips made all of that seem unimportant, and after a few minutes, she sighed out her breath deeply as relief began to wash through her. She honestly felt like she could pass out just then, and was actually extremely glad she hadn't said anything when Cullen had lifted her because she probably would have fallen over.

Trista lifted her hands, which were stained with a bit of blood after covering Aislinn's wound, and looked to see that despite this, the wound was gone, instructing, "Try to move your arm, Messere."

Aislinn attempted it gingerly, rotating her shoulder a bit, and then slowly lifted her arm higher and nodded, taking a deep breath. "Magic has some wonderful uses," she sighed out. "That was perfect, Trista. I may just pass you on to full mage-hood now without worry of a Harrowing."

Trista smiled and let a soft chuckle while stepping back as Cullen let Aislinn stand on her own two feet again. Once she had, she groaned, still holding to Cullen's side while looking down at her ruined blue robe. With a little grumbled, she said, "I guess I should be thankful I wasn't wearing my new purple robe at least." Then she looked up at Cullen, feeling lethargic and unsteady, but she had to ask him a question. "Any _ideas_ on where that arrow came from?"

"A few," he replied, his tone telling her that they both knew who'd done this, or at least, that it was a man from the other camp with them. "Come on," Cullen started, "let's get the two of you back to camp."

Aislinn nodded slowly, still a little woozy from being shot, losing some blood, and being cleansed all at once, but she turned to walk with them without question, letting Cullen support her with an arm around her back. Still, she eyed Cullen suspiciously as they went and asked, "What are _you_ going to do?"

"It doesn't matter," he told her with a stubborn set of his jaw informing her that he was anything but happy just then. "I want the two of you to stay in the camp with Dreyan and Brent."

"If you're going to confront them, I–," Aislinn started, but she suddenly stopped when Cullen looked down at her with probably the most serious expression she'd ever seen on his face. It almost literally yelled at her _do not argue with me on this_.

"No, you're staying in camp," he reinforced the expression with words. He didn't even stand there to discuss it, just walked along. Aislinn sucked in a breath and held her tongue, deciding that now wasn't the time to argue about it. Instead, she just went into camp with them without arguing. Some part of the back of her mind at that moment though thought that Cullen was attractive when he was being commanding like that. She'd just have to focus on that thought later however.

She did know one thing for certain though. She hoped Doyle and his men knew what kind of bee's nest they'd just stirred up. She got the feeling that Cullen wasn't going to give either of them any room for excuse. Especially not after the way he'd just told her to stay with Dreyan and Brent.

The only reason she _really_ wanted to be there was to see it all as it happened however. Who could really blame her for that?

_XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX_

Of the Teryn's four men, only one of them was equipped with a bow and a quiver of arrows that Cullen could see as he came walking up toward their camp from the trees surrounding it. With the firelight shining, it was much easier to see them rather than it had been in the woods, settled down and skinning a small boar that had recently been shot - a telling sign that _someone_ had been out hunting - and Alec moved in behind his commander without a single falter in his steps, even as the men settled around the campfire looked over at the Templars approaching as if they weren't so happy to see them.

Doyle stood up, the dark haired man stepping away from the encampment and taking just a few steps from it, calling out a greeting to them both. "Knight Commander, how nice of you to join us. Just lettin' those mages run along their merry way to come pay a visit, are you?"

Cullen owed him absolutely no explanation, nor did he even owe the man any kind of greeting. Instead, he just pulled up his hand and looked into his palm at the fletchings he held in it from the arrow that had been used to shoot Aislinn, then over at the man who was carrying a quiver, a young blonde haired man settled near the flame watching everything going on now. Cullen noticed that the arrows sticking out of his quiver were an exact match to the one he carried in his hand, with green and white feathers.

Righting his posture when he made the visual connection, he pointed at the man carrying the quiver and said, "I came to see _him_ in specific."

"Everett?," Doyle asked, glancing over at the younger man, and then back to Cullen again, asking, "What for?"

Cullen held up the fletchings he carried and said, "Because this, which I just pulled from the shoulder of my First Enchanter, happens to match what's on his back." The blood still staining Cullen's chest plate told that he had indeed just pulled an arrow out of someone without denial.

Doyle looked at the fletchings, and then back to Cullen's face, seeing how serious the expression there was, as well as the one on Alec's, which he could see through the slits in the man's Templar helmet, which only added a menacing quality to his look. Doyle's brows narrowed over it, and he said, "No one here shot any of your mages."

"I'm certain they didn't," Cullen replied, his tone as sarcastic as one could get. "I'm certain Everett was merely shooting into the air and one managed to find its way right to her."

Doyle scoffed, "Not like she didn't deserve it for what she called me, but regardless, it doesn't change the story, _friend_."

Everett looked completely confused. In fact, he apparently wasn't completely bright because he suddenly said, "Doyle, you said since you was better shoot–"

"Shutup, boy!," Doyle shot back, and quickly as well, adding in addition, "It doesn't matter what went on tonight!" Then he looked back at Cullen, "If someone here shot your...first whatever...I'll make sure he answers for it."

Cullen's hand fisted into a ball at his side because he knew that Doyle had done this now. He was the one with the motive, and Everett's lines had given it away all too easily. Apparently the man had been doing a bit of hunting, which was confirmed by the boar being skinned in the camp, and he'd probably wandered across them and taken a shot. So smoothly, Cullen replied, "Since it's harder to deal with yourself, why don't you let me do that for you instead, _Soldier_?"

Doyle seemed to be unable to help himself. He snorted and asked, "Was that a threat, _Templar_?"

"Just answer me," Cullen told him. "_Did you shoot her_?" Each one of his words were pronounced, and he held Doyle's gaze without flinching after asking him the question.

Doyle let a little sigh out, then shrugged, "So what if I did? She's a blighted mage. She can heal herself, and probably already has. Besides, even if that fletching matches the ones in Everett's pack, and even if you _saw_ someone doing it, no one's gonna care, _Commander_. You can tell all the people you want, and it won't do no good. Hell, I'd wager some might cheer it on."

"I don't like this, Doyle," Everett shot out, "I didn't even hunt tonight."

Cullen ignored the apparently slower-thinking man's comment and he stepped toward Doyle, also ignoring how the rest of the Teryn's men stood up whenever he did this. Cullen got close to the man, close enough to be able to smell the fact that he apparently hadn't bathed in a while, and he turned an icy look down on him, standing a few inches taller than Doyle did.

"You _do_ realize you risk the Teryna as well by attempting to murder the First Enchanter, don't you?"

"Murder?," Doyle asked, scoffing. Finally, he shook his head, saying on a tone that really only Cullen and perhaps Alec could hear, "Wasn't a hit meant to kill her, _boy_. It was a shot meant to hurt her. From that scream I heard too, it did the trick. I knew she'd heal up right after she was freed, and for what she called me earlier, when I saw her out there with one of your men all sitting nice and pretty with the pond to give me just enough light behind her, I decided to take that shot to teach her a lesson. Got a good one just as that Templar walked away from her too. Hell, might've been you with her. She _is_ a looker, ain't she?"

Anger blinded Cullen more than he'd ever felt it when Doyle said that, and before he even knew it, he'd unleashed it on the man, lifting his fist and slamming it into Doyle's nose - breaking it - with a crunch of bone beneath his plated hand that sent the man falling backwards.

Doyle's men tried to react, but before any of them could, even before Doyle could, he looked up through the pain stinging his eyes to see the tip of Cullen's sword pointing down at his throat, the tip right against the vein pumping blood there. Alec had drawn his own blade as well, standing to the side of his Commander and watching the other three men with an unblinking gaze, just daring them to interfere with this and make a move.

Blood was gushing from Doyle's nose - something Alec knew first hand hurt like hell from when Cullen had punched him while he'd been going through Lyrium withdrawals - and Cullen said loudly enough for everyone to hear, "_This_ is just a warning. If I find out that any of you so much as tried to step foot near the mage encampment again, I'll exercise the right of purification."

"The what?," one of the men asked.

Cullen didn't hesitate with an explanation. "It's a right that allows Templars to lawfully execute anyone they question has been contaminated or otherwise influenced by the magic of the mages they're warding." He let those words sink in before looking them all over, and then looked back down at Doyle and asked, "Is that _clear_?"

Doyle spit some blood out, then began nodding his head. Cullen stood over him for just a moment longer, staring down at him with the broken nose while considering there'd be no mage here to heal _that_ for _him_, then he stepped back and put his sword into its sheath again, further backing away as he said, "Alec."

Alec finally began to move at his commander's words, stepping back and turning on the hell on his foot with Cullen as they began walking from the camp side by side, making sure to keep their ears out for any kinds of attacks launched from behind. The further they got however, and the longer they didn't hear anything except for Doyle's angered cussing, the more they relaxed.

Alec suddenly asked then, "Ser?"

"Yes?"

"There's no such thing as a right of purification."

Cullen finally found a very small smile, though it didn't show too much, and he said, "There _was_ once. It's just no longer in practice, and wasn't for very long from what I'm told."

"Ah, I see," Alec nodded. Then he suddenly chuckled in amusement and said, "I think Doyle might've pissed himself."

"I wouldn't be able to tell you. I was too busy trying to ignore how he smelled."

That got Alec to laugh outright. After a moment however, he sighed and looked up at Cullen, asking him, "So what do we tell the Teryn if he asks about this right, anyway?"

"I'll tell him the truth that I only used it to keep his men in line and away from the camp, not that I think Doyle will bring it up. After all, he admitted to shooting Aislinn and _why_ he shot her. We both heard him." Cullen could feel his anger bubbling in him again at the mention of it, and he did all he could to control himself from going back and exercising some right like he'd mentioned he would, instead finishing off his statement with the words, "If the Teryn's the kind of man that I'm hearing he is, he won't stand for this kind of thing."

"Right, good point." Alec nodded, following in behind his Commander as they headed back to camp.

Once they made it there, Aislinn was standing by the fire, and she heard them coming and looked back. Trista had retired already, but Aislinn said she wanted to stay up and wait, doing so with Dreyan, in order to find out what might have gone on with the Teryn's men. Seeing that neither Cullen nor Alec looked any worse for some kind of wear she might not have known about, she smiled in relief and asked, "I trust things went well?"

"For us. I can't say for the Teryn's men though," Cullen replied, coming to a stop and telling Alec, "Take a break. Dreyan, you get the next watch."

"Yes, Ser," both men replied at nearly the same time.

As Dreyan stood up to go and do as his commander had just told him to, Alec went to sit on a log where the Captain had just been, chuckling the whole way. "We probably won't be hearing much of anything else from those men," he started. "The Commander invoked the right of purification on them."

"The right of _what_?," Aislinn asked, looking from Alec and to Cullen, unable to help her curiosity.

"It's an old right," Cullen responded, turning to settle himself down on a stump as well. "One the Chantry decided to revoke not very long after its inception. It allows a Templar the power to lawfully execute without question anyone who's deemed as having been unknowingly influenced by magic or contaminated somehow by it. Doyle and his men have no idea it's no longer practiced however."

Aislinn stared at Cullen blankly. This right must have been in place very long ago and for a very short lived amount of time if she'd never heard of it. Alec was already snickering, and she couldn't help but cover her mouth when she smiled. After a moment, she said, "Oh...," plainly, "I see. Well, that's...fair." Then she snickered softly into her hand.

Alec was grinning from ear to ear, saying, "It should at least keep them in their place from now on. I know that hit had to have hurt as well," he added. "I heard the crunch of his nose from where I stood, Commander. There's no mages about to heal _that_ either," he mentioned on a chuckle.

"I wasn't aiming to be gentle," Cullen replied plainly.

"You hit him?," Aislinn asked, _really_ wishing she could have seen that. "Why? I mean, in specific?"

"He riled the Commander," Alec told her. "He deserved it anyway though, of course." Then Alec stood up and said, "But I'm going to take that rest now. Commander, First Enchanter, sleep well when you rest," then bowed his head and turned to go to the tent.

"Good night, Ser," Aislinn returned, and once he was in the tent just across the way, she turned and walked over to Cullen, crouching down next to him. Waiting for a moment to make sure Alec wouldn't come back out, she looked up at Cullen and asked quietly, "What happened?"

Cullen knew she was going to want to know specifics, so he gathered his thoughts and informed her, "Doyle admitted he shot you."

Her face became angry, and she shook her head, "I _know_ he doesn't like me, but why try to kill me when the Teryn summoned me?"

"He wasn't aiming to kill you," Cullen explained. "He just wanted to hurt you because he knew you could heal yourself afterwards. He said the moment I walked away from you, he got a good shot and he took it. He wanted it to teach a lesson for sassing him."

Aislinn wanted to tell Cullen that she _really_ wished he'd let her go with him now, but instead she had another worry come to mind. "You don't think he saw us together, do you?," her voice had been even more quiet than before.

"No, if he had, he would've mentioned it right away," Cullen replied, his voice at the same volume as hers had been. Cullen didn't mention what Doyle had suggested though, the words he'd said about her being a looker and all, which only made his anger boil again. Instead, he got it under control and left it at that.

Aislinn nodded, knowing Cullen was right in that if Doyle hadn't brought it up as some kind of taunting tactic then he likely hadn't seen anything, and then she glanced to the side and let a soft breath. "Now I _really_ wish you would have let me be there. But I guess this is one time I'll just have to settle for hearing about what happened."

He looked her over, quiet for a moment until she'd glanced back up at him from where she'd crouched next to him, and he finally asked her, "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," she admitted, "but fine besides that. I'm just ready to get to the Keep so we can get this all over with and go back to Morsfeld."

He could understand the sentiment, though in that moment, he was fighting the urge to lean down and kiss her. He wanted to apologize for all of the pain he'd caused her, the way she'd screamed still ringing out in his ears, making him want to kiss her more than anything if only to make up for it. He took a breath to control that urge though, and said, "You should go lay down then. Morning will come soon enough."

Aislinn didn't move though, at least, not at first. Instead, he watched her staring up at him as she put her hands on his after a moment and leaned up, pressing a kiss to his cheek, one of gratitude. He knew that was the purpose of it, watching as she drew back after giving him the kiss, saying, "Thank you. I know it wasn't easy for you either. If that arrow had just hit flesh, it wouldn't have been quite so hard."

Cullen looked from her face and to her hands over his, turning his hand over to hold hers while saying, "You're welcome," simply. "I just wish you hadn't had to go through any of it."

"Well," Aislinn shrugged, "don't go thinking I didn't come out of the Battle of Denerim without a scratch. I've been shot before, just...never that painfully."

Cullen gave a nod, looked back at her face, and held his breath. His desires were clouding his better judgement, so he said, "You should retire. I'm having a hard time thinking about..."

When he trailed, Aislinn lifted her brows over her eyes in curiosity at him. Seeing the expression, Cullen hesitated, but then finally finished his statement for her, "...anything but...kissing you right now."

"Oh," she replied softly, biting her bottom lip before smiling at him. "Then I'll have to remove temptation from your path." She spoke that line with a soft little snicker and then stood up slowly. Once she was on her feet again, she noticed that their hands were still locked together, and she tightened her grip around his fingers. After everything he'd done for her that night, she wanted to stay with him too, hated leaving his side, but she _did_ need to go and rest for a little while.

With the thoughts in mind, she said quietly, "I hope that one day I won't _have_ to leave you whenever I go to bed. I don't care how improper that might sound. It's exactly how I feel, and I'm not ashamed to admit it."

Cullen didn't speak a word of protest. He wanted to go and be with her as well, no matter what the situation might have to entail before he could. But for now, he let her draw her hand away from his and watched her turning to go to the tent she was going to sleep in. Once she'd disappeared, he took a breath and leaned on his elbow, covering his face with his hand.

This all felt wrong, and not for the reasons he thought it would. It wasn't because she was a mage and he was a Templar. It was just because he couldn't be with her and he so wanted to be in that moment. Cullen had never allowed himself to want much, if anything, in his entire life, but he wanted this, he wanted _her_ without question. Maker forgive him, but Cullen couldn't change that one simple truth no matter how much he might've wanted to. He didn't want to though, he just wanted to face it and take whatever punishment for it, saying there was one, that he got.

Somehow though he'd come to think that the only punishment there was came in resisting how he felt. Things happened for a reason after all, and he hadn't felt this whole since he'd left the Circle Tower all those years ago. Leaving it behind was no longer an option. Things never were simple to begin with, and now was no different. He just had her here, instead of out of reach.

He'd make sure it stayed that way somehow.


	30. Reunion

_XXX. Reunion_

To say it was a hard ride to get to the Teryn's Keep wouldn't have been a lie at all, but going through that ride and then finding out that there wasn't room for everyone once they'd arrived was even harder.

The group began to travel at almost first light on a very sunny day that almost had them squinting because of the glare of sunshine on the surface of the snow, and they woke to find out that the Teryn's men had already left. This didn't seem to surprise either of them after what had happened the previous night, though they couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Doyle had gone on ahead for a specific, as well as trouble-causing, reason or not.

Still, they loaded up and began to head out, not needing any guidance to reach the Keep. Dreyan was extremely familiar with the place and could have probably led them there with his eyes blindfolded if he'd wanted to, so all was fine on that end. They arrived at the stone walls of the keep after midday, the walls blocking most of the manor from sight in the direction that the group had come from, but behind those stone walls lay a large, stone and granite built home with three stories and two towers connecting the wings with cone shaped roofs. Banners were swaying in the breeze atop those two peaks, high above the yards of the Keep surrounding it.

One of the guardsmen standing watch outside the walls at the gate which allowed entry stepped out and held up a hand as they drew closer in order to stop them. He was wearing a set of armor that included a dome shaped helmet over his head which completely covered his hair, thought unlike Doyle, he didn't look nearly as rough around the edges. Still, he asked who they were, which was a somewhat strange question considering, but Cullen gave the man his answer and stated what their business was.

"Ah," the man drew out and looked over at his comrade while nodding his head. His friend also seemed to recognize what Cullen had said, so the first man looked back at them and said, "Yes, I recall Doyle returning earlier, in a bit of a miff, looked like he'd been hit in the face with a shovel or something. We asked him what happened and he blew us off completely. Must've fallen or some such thing."

Alec was trying not to laugh when he heard that. A shovel actually wasn't too far off from what it felt like. If he could have gotten away with it, he might've started calling Cullen "Shovel-Fist", but being that the man was his Commander and Alec didn't want to clean out chamber pots for a week, he'd keep his mouth shut.

The guard went on through Alec's thoughts, saying, "The Teryn's been expecting you, but he's not about at the moment, though he'll return shortly. Took a few men into town to gather some items for the Teryna that she needed. Sadly, I have to warn you, much of his, _and_ his wife's family are here right now for the birth of the baby, including a few family friends I've seen wandering about. Because of it, there's not much room for the six of you."

After he'd explained this, he turned and called up, "Open the gates for the Templars!"

"We'll just have to make due then," Cullen had replied to the man after he'd yelled up the command to the gatekeepers at the top of the wall, then added earnestly, "Thank you, Ser," because it was nice to see that not _all_ of the Teryn's men were unscrupulous bastards like Doyle from the looks of it.

"No troubles," the guard called back as they went on inside of the Keep's courtyards, looking about at the people making their own ways to and fro. Most were servants, some human and some elven, yelling about this and that, specifically over how the Teryna's mother wanted things done or how the Teryn's brother wouldn't like this or that. It was busy and even boisterous, and Trista couldn't help what she told Aislinn next.

"I always _did_ like it here, I just hated the ride. Teryn Brennen's very kind, and there's always something interesting going on." Just as soon as she'd mentioned it, they all looked over when a brown chicken randomly fluttered it's way from the woman carrying it next to their transport and over the side of the cart, coming to stand between them all with ruffled feathers. Trista snickered and reached down to grab the bird, lifting it up and over the side before handing it back to the woman who'd lost it, getting a kind thank you in return for her efforts.

Aislinn smiled over the incident while thinking that Trista was right. Milus Brennen himself, while stern, was a good and capable man, he just needed to keep a closer watch on his men, though she couldn't blame his distraction with a gentle wife who was about to give birth. After all, the Teryna, whose name was Rianne, was about as petite as a woman could get, and was told very early on after she'd found out that she was pregnant that she might have some trouble nearing the end of her gestation.

The cart came to a stop as a second soldier walked out toward them with a short, somewhat dumpy lady following in behind him who was wearing a white bonnet tied around her head of brown hair, and the soldier seemed to recognize Dreyan as he called to them.

"Dreyan! It's good to see you again, lad! Been too long!"

Dreyan, who'd been driving the cart, climbed down and turned around to face the soldier after it had stopped and gave him a respectful nod of his head before handing over the reigns to the stable master, saying finally, "Yes, Ser Norris, it's been a long time indeed."

"I'm glad you came along. The Teryn will be glad to see you again too when he gets back from his errand in town. Doyle returned earlier and said the mages would be here today, but I certainly didn't expect to see you with them."

Everyone else had gotten out of the back of the wagon by that time, heading over to the two, and Norris looked at Aislinn and gave her a bow of his head. "My lady, it's good to see you well."

Aislinn wondered briefly what Norris might've thought if he could've seen her the night before with an arrow in her shoulder so graciously dispensed by the Teryn's First in Command, but she didn't comment on that. Instead, she offered a smile and told him, "You too, Ser Norris. How is Teryna Rianne?"

He chuckled, "I think she's more tired from the folks coming about to see her than she is from the pregnancy. But she's still bedridden. We're afraid to let her walk across a room because she's been lightheaded and might end up falling in a dizzy fit. Everything's well aside from that though. She's eating, though sometimes gets sick on her stomach from what I hear. But we'll have you up to see her as soon as possible."

"Thank you," Aislinn replied, then looked over when the woman who was standing with Norris began to speak.

"That's the problem though," she said, her voice carrying a good hint of annoyance in it. Whether it was at the six of them or at everyone else making their way about though was questionable. "Ain't enough room in the Keep," she started. "We've even got some of the family staying in the servant's quarters. But when Doyle said there were six of you coming, I managed to make room enough for four, two to a room, and then two of you," she sighed, "well, you'll have to stay in the stables. There's no way around it until some of these kindred leave."

Aislinn couldn't help but say, "Oh my, they must have a rather large family."

"The Teryna does. This being her first child and all, they wanted to be here. Teryn Brennen's folks will be leaving in a few days whether she gives birth or not though, some kind of noble business up north in Denerim from what I understand. Still, for now, that's the only way I can fit you six in."

"Thank you, Lady Irene," Aislinn replied, knowing the woman from previous encounters. "We'll just decide who stays where and then you can show us up."

Irene gave a short nod of her head and waited on them to do just that. Not only was the decision a hard thing to fathom though, but it was also awkward. How would this be split up? The mages _had_ to stay inside since they would be caring for the Teryna until she gave birth. Templars would have to stay with them as well, so a mage and a Templar to each room. But who was going to stay with who?

Aislinn felt for whoever ended up in the stables though. It was _cold_ after all, evidenced by it being late afternoon, and they could still see their breath. So it was only going to get colder, but they had to pick two people to stay outside, and then also who was going to be staying in the rooms. Aislinn certainly didn't want to volunteer anyone for that.

She had no real ideas about who would stay with who either - though she _did_ have her personal preferences - so when the Templars all looked at her and Trista, except for Cullen that was, she couldn't help but wonder what in the world they were expecting. For the ladies to pick one of them as if in invitation? Cullen was their Commander for the love of Andraste, it was _his_ duty to decide. Or maybe they were just reluctant to step on the women's feminine toes.

So she rolled her eyes. "Settle this the way you want," came her suggestion with a shrug. "I won't mind any of the arrangements." It was a lie - she'd prefer to stay with Cullen of course - but indifference would at least lessen any awkwardness they all felt.

Trista looked at Aislinn, and then back and shrugged, "I also don't mind."

"We didn't want to be assumptive," Dreyan told them both. Then he offered, "I can stay in the stables."

"I hate to play favorites," Norris suddenly spoke up, getting their attention, "but the Teryn wouldn't allow that, not for Dreyan anyway once he finds out he's here. If I told him that Dreyan was staying in the stables, he'd have my hide, so I have to say his place inside is rather secured, along with the lady's places since the Teryna will be needing them."

Dreyan let a soft sigh of breath, and Aislinn noticed him briefly looking at Trista for a moment, realizing he'd offered to stay in the stables probably because he feared being put in a room with her and what might happen between them. She had the same thought about staying in a room with Cullen as well, but before she could say anything to try to sort the situation out, Alec beat her to the punch, though he didn't say exactly what she was going to say.

"Commander, let Brent and I stay in the stables, you and Dreyan should both go in with the ladies being the higher ranking officers, just incase the Teryn needs something from you." Cullen could tell that Alec's words were pointed, and he knew what the man meant exactly. _Just incase there's a problem with the Teryn's men_. He was right in that instance as well.

Aislinn tried to speak again, but Norris suddenly got out before she could even open her mouth, "Should probably go by rank then. Your Commander with the First Enchanter, and Dreyan with the young lady here. That'll make things easier without fuss."

It was a simple, friendly suggestion with nothing else attached to it, and for the ease of agreement since things were already so hectic in the Keep, none of them argued with it. Aislinn couldn't help sighing out a breath, trying to hold her smile in because she thought that Dreyan looked like he'd just gotten a death sentence. Granted, his usual facial expression wasn't too varied from that sometimes with how serious he was, but it was much worse now.

Regardless, they accepted as if it had been no big deal, and went on their way inside of the castle with Irene, who'd gotten a few servants to help them in moving their things. The rooms they were taken to were small, but admittedly nice for their size, each one having a changing screen, a wash basin, and a tub built into the wall which could be filled with water for a bath whenever it was needed.

The beds were somewhat small, but big enough for two full grown people, and Irene mentioned that there might have been some pallets she could bring up incase they weren't comfortable sharing a bed since she thought it was questionable putting a man and a woman in a room instead of fitting the same sex together. But she wasn't thinking on the terms of mages and Templars, so Norris ended up having to explain it to her.

Once they'd gotten their bags in their rooms, they were taken up to the Teryna's bedchambers, and Dreyan and Cullen ended up waiting outside as Aislinn and Trista went inside. Apparently, Rianne was more than happy to see them because both men heard her saying, "Oh, I've been waiting for you, I'm so glad you made it safely!"

"Not completely safely," Dreyan muttered out as the door was shut, but he didn't say anymore than that. Cullen knew exactly what he meant, but for now, the secret would just have to be kept to make things go as smoothly as possible. No sense even bringing it up if Doyle hadn't felt the need to mention it himself. After all, the guard outside had said Doyle brushed them off, so maybe the man was too embarrassed about what had happened to mention anything in specific.

The two of them stood there for quite some time, just waiting while the Teryna was being tended to, and Cullen wondered if it was just his imagination, or if he'd noticed Dreyan acting as if he'd wanted to say something from time to time. He could only imagine that it was about the living arrangements and how he was to bunk with Trista that night, but he didn't want to speak because saying something would only give away the fact that he had feelings for the mage.

Cullen, likewise, didn't want to say anything, not there anyway. Aislinn said she thought that it would do the Captain good to at least be given some kind of advice, but standing in the corridor outside of the Teryna's room where servants and others were passing from time to time, even going into her room and then leaving again, was out of the question.

Cullen had his own reservations as well. With the direction he and Aislinn had been going in, staying in the same room with her was going to be a chore, or who knew, maybe it wouldn't be difficult at all, especially if he just remained untalkative and didn't even show up until it was time for bed. Though what he might find here to preoccupy his attention for that long was questionable.

After considering it for a while, the door behind them ended up opening up to reveal Aislinn, and both men looked back when she stepped out and shut the door behind her quietly with Trista still inside the room.

"How is she?," Dreyan asked when he spotted her.

"She's fine, just been very tired, but the good news is that the baby's turned, so it should be any time now that she goes into labor," Aislinn replied, "and I need your help, Captain. Where is the study?"

"It's downstairs near the library, why?"

"Rianne said there's a cushioned seat in there. I need to bring it brought up for her. Her current living arrangement needs a place where she can actually sit with her feet on the floor to help alleviate some of the pressure on her back for a bit. I'm afraid she's been laying on it a bit too much and that's why she's aching and getting so sick so often. So you think you could take me there?"

"I know the seat you're speaking of," Dreyan nodded, "but it might be a bit heavy for you." Dreyan then looked at Cullen. "You and I shouldn't have a problem with it at all however."

Cullen gave a nod, deciding it would be easier if they just took up the task rather than getting someone else to do it for them, saying, "Of course," before turning to walk off with his Captain while letting him lead the way.

"I'll stay here then, incase Rianne needs something," Aislinn spoke behind them, but she didn't renter the room where the Teryna was located after they walked away. Instead, she waited just outside of the door for when the two Templars came back, letting out a soft sigh of breath.

Rianne's condition wasn't extreme, and Aislinn was very thankful for that. If it was, she'd have a good bit of pressure on her shoulders in being a mage to make sure the woman and the baby were both fine despite her and the Teryn's good natures. But apparently the woman just needed to be able to move around a bit and get comfortable in whatever way that she could, which included being able to get out of bed from time to time and into a soft chair until the baby arrived, which Aislinn knew wasn't going to be too much longer from then after checking her out.

Aislinn had delivered four babies before, and this would be her fifth, so she definitely wasn't new to the situation. She was already banking on the fact that they'd probably be leaving the Keep in another few days.

As she stood there and considered this, she heard a man's voice saying, "I knew the First Enchanter of Morsfeld was supposed to be coming here, but I hadn't thought I would just run into her in the hallway of the Keep so randomly."

Aislinn turned and looked up to see an unfamiliar man with black hair and a short beard heading over toward her from the entryway of the corridor near the steps, a shorter woman with the same color hair just behind him, but her eyes were blue where his was an amber brown - a color that reminded her of her father's for some strange reason. She narrowed her brows at him in a little confusion as he got closer and asked him, "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"Well, you might know me better as the boy who liked to try to burn your hair when you were a girl, but I don't know if you actually remember that or not."

Aislinn's reaction was instantaneous, her eyes going wide and her brow's shooting up over them as she exclaimed, "Garrett!"

"Oh...you _do_ remember that," he drew out a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his hair with an uncertain look on his face. "I was somewhat hoping you wouldn't. Maybe I'll need to watch my own hair in the near future."

Aislinn laughed and went over, giving him a hug. He wasn't reluctant to return it either, with it having been so long since he'd seen her, and after a moment's worth of time in the embrace, she stood back and asked him, "What are you doing here?"

"We got here yesterday. Milus was a friend of my parents for a short while before he ended up moving east, and I'd heard his wife was due to have her first child and his second. So Bethany thought it might be a good idea if we made an appearance briefly."

"Bethany?," Aislinn asked, looking over at the woman with him, smiling at her. Since this was the cousin she'd always spoken to whenever she sent correspondence to the Hawke's, but had never met face to face, she grinned and went over to hug her as well. "It's good to meet you finally."

"Same to you, cousin," Bethany told her during their embrace. "Can't have too much family these days, you know?"

"I agree," Aislinn chuckled, then she stood back and looked at them both, shaking her head, "I can't believe you're both here. Oh, where's Carver? Is he still with the Grey Wardens like I heard in Bethany's letter?"

"Likely, probably trudging through the Deep Roads right about now, cussing me for all of his problems with every step," Hawke replied with a sarcastic tone to his voice and a smirk on his face. Bethany smacked the back of her knuckles against his arm lightly, and he looked at her with a narrowed brow. "What?"

"Be nice, brother," Bethany told him and pursed her lips a little.

"Why? He probably is, and he's probably come up with a few insults he's proud of too, anxious to come back and let me hear them."

Bethany snickered, unable to argue with that, and Aislinn couldn't help but grin at them both. She then looked back at Hawke who'd turned to face her again and said, "Anyway, have you seen the Teryna yet?"

"Yes," Aislinn informed him, "she's well, just needs a few better living arrangements until the baby comes. It's already turned."

Bethany was grinning, and she mused aloud, "I wonder if it's a little boy or girl?"

"The Teryn already has a son, so no need for doubles," Hawke drew out.

"True," Aislinn agreed. "I think they'll be happy no matter what it is though. So, how long are you two going to stay? Maybe we can catch up a bit later if you'll still be here."

"Well, we have a few people with us," Hawke started. "One here in the Keep, but we'd planned to hang about for a short while, at least long enough for the mess in Redcliffe to clear up."

"You're going to Redcliffe?"

"Yes, well, heading that way anyway. There were a few stories about fighting between mages and Templars coming from there though, so we're hanging back until it clears up."

"I haven't heard about any fighting," Aislinn replied in a bit of confusion.

"Eh," Hawke shrugged. "I have a friend who seems to always get a beat down on things before it can happen. The story probably just hasn't reached your Circle yet. Speaking of, how is that going? I've heard a lot of things."

"Good or bad?," Aislinn chuckled out in question.

"Depends on who you ask to be honest," Hawke replied blandly, and just then, the two Templars that had gone to get the Teryn's chair came up the steps and around the corner, grabbing the three's attention. Aislinn turned and pushed the door open for them and then stepped to the side along with Bethany and Hawke to allow them to pass.

As Dreyan and Cullen carried the red, cushioned seat toward the door, Cullen being the one who was walking backwards with the not-so-heavy item of furniture, Hawke recognized him and said, "Well, Knight Captain Cullen. This is a surprise."

"Good day, Hawke," Cullen replied cordially as if he'd just been strolling through the courtyard of the Gallows again, and suddenly had to tighten his grip on the chair before he dropped it. Once he was sure he had it, he looked up in surprise. "Hawke?"

"Last I checked anyway," Hawke replied. "Careful with that chair, you wouldn't want to strain yourself."

Hawke was smacked with the back of Bethany's _and_ Aislinn's knuckles that time, and he looked back and forth between them, then sighed dejectedly.

Cullen and Dreyan had decided to get the chair into the room before continuing any conversation though, and Aislinn walked to the door while telling the two siblings, "I'll be back, I need to help the Teryna. Don't you dare go anywhere."

"Okay," Bethany replied, smiling, and then she looked up at her brother and lifted a brow once they'd disappeared into the Teryna's bedchambers.

"Why is the Knight Captain here?," she asked, still referring to Cullen with the title he'd had when she'd been in Kirkwall.

"You're not nervous, are you?"

"Well, he _did_ send me to the Gallows in Kirkwall while you and Carver were off plundering the Deep Roads for riches like bloody pirates."

Hawke considered that, then patted her shoulder. "I still think it's just because he had the hots for you."

"Garrett!," Bethany gasped out, then started shaking her head at him. "Ugh, I'm going to go find Varric. You'll just tease me if I don't."

"Not in front of him I wouldn't," Hawke replied, but Bethany turned around and walked away anyway, shaking her head.

"I don't trust you," she told him as she moved on, and Hawke couldn't help but snort in amusement. Cullen and Dreyan came back out of the room then, and Hawke glanced over as Dreyan shut the bedroom door.

"I think you scared away my sister," Hawke pointed out to Cullen. "I might've gotten protective if she hadn't just called me a bloody pirate and said she couldn't trust me."

Cullen gave him a blank look, deciding he was never quite sure how to make complete heads or tails of the man standing before him just now. For all intents and purposes though, Hawke wasn't unlikable, just had a somewhat dry and unique wit. To top it all off, he was also a fugitive. Still, it didn't surprise Cullen that he would have the stones to show up somewhere like this without worry about his current social status. Cullen, after seeing the man fight, could only imagine what he'd done to anyone foolish enough to try to drag him in as it were.

So instead of replying to the sarcastic comment he'd just gotten, Cullen asked, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"The Teryn's a friend of the family's. Well, on my side anyway, not on Aislinn's. What about you? Accept a new post somewhere?"

"Yes," Cullen nodded, "I'm the Commander of Morsfeld now."

Hawke took that in, nodding his head and motioning with his hand while saying, "Congratulations on the promotion then. I honestly wasn't sure what might happen after...," he shrugged and finished blandly, "everything."

Cullen thought back to the day in question, knowing Hawke had been completely right about that. He remembered how he'd turned against Meredith and relieved her of her duties, and how he wondered later what that might've meant for him with his place in the Order. Many questioned whether or not Hawke was a mage, and fortunately, since no one knew for sure, that had never become a real issue. But some fuss had still been thrown up about it, though he'd managed to keep his position if for no other reason than they'd needed _someone_ qualified to try to keep as much order in Kirkwall as possible.

"Thank you, Hawke," Cullen replied, somewhat uncertain. He took in a breath and added in question, "I know that you're Aislinn's cousin. Did she recognize you?" It was the best he could think to ask considering there had always been a bit of friction between the two of them ever since Cullen had taken Bethany to the Gallows.

"Not until I mentioned burning her hair as a child," Hawke said with a little grin.

"You burned her hair?"

"Just as a prank," Hawke shot back in answer to the incredulous question. "You know, children type stuff."

Cullen couldn't really relate having grown up in a monastery like he had without anyone to actually play pranks on, or play them on him, so burning someone's hair, even for children, sounded like an extreme thing to do to him. Thankfully though, Dreyan saved him from making a response by saying, "My brother did that to me."

"What?," Cullen asked.

"When I was five and he was ten," Dreyan nodded, "he lit my hair on fire when I wasn't looking."

"I suppose I'll never understand," Cullen replied with a little sigh. "It seems a little extreme to me."

"You were never played a prank on as a child?" Hawke asked.

"No, the children where I grew up weren't interested in doing such things, or at least, not to me anyway. But I never heard of anyone else doing it either."

"Well, maybe you're lucky then. My brother and I are lucky we survived at all honestly, with the way we could fight sometimes."

Cullen could only remember a very little of Carver, but from what he _did_ remember, he wasn't surprised. In all honesty, it was Bethany he was the most familiar with since she'd been brought to the Gallows, a move that Hawke hadn't been completely pleased with upon his return from the Deep Roads, which was where any friction between the two of them came from. At first, Cullen felt completely justified over it without question however, he'd simply been doing his job. But when Hawke continually helped the Templars, he'd felt just a little less certain about things.

Later, he'd found out that Hawke was a mage himself, but he decided to hide it from Meredith for as long as he could in order to try to make up for irreversible transgressions against the man. He'd also watched a little more over Bethany in the Gallows than he did most mages, making sure she wasn't having many problems and even went out of his way to mention whether she seemed to be doing well or not whenever he spoke to Hawke.

After the Qunari attack on Kirkwall, Cullen was in fact glad he'd done that. If it hadn't been for Hawke, who knew what might've happened.

Besides, Bethany was a likeable lady as well, some of her mannerisms sometimes reminding Cullen of Aislinn's, and as he had the thought, he couldn't help but ask Hawke, "Did I really scare your sister, or were you just being sarcastic about that?"

Hawke shrugged, leaning against the wall as he said, "I think I just struck a nerve with her, that's all. She'll be back when she realizes Varric's probably not doing anything more interesting than I am." As he'd spoken, a man he didn't recognize rounded the corner at the top of the steps and stopped when he stepped into the hallway. He'd given Cullen a glare, but stayed quiet, and his nose was swollen and looked bloody awful in Hawke's opinion. As the man went walking down the hallway, an extremely unhappy look on his face, Hawke commented on it, saying, "It looks like his face met a shovel. He didn't seem very happy to see you either."

"That's what that guard outside said, Commander," Dreyan told Cullen about the shovel comment, lifting a brow up at him. "I think he was right."

Cullen hadn't flinched when Doyle walked past them, looking back over at Hawke and deciding against telling him precisely _why_ Doyle had given him daggers just then. Instead, he said, "I have no idea why, but yes, I remember the comment about the shovel from before, Dreyan."

Hawke smirked in hearing that, seeing he wasn't the only one who thought so, but he didn't make any connections between the man who'd just past them and Cullen or Dreyan. He just continued to wait on his cousin, and she wasn't much longer in keeping him waiting either.

Aislinn opened the door and stepped out of the bedroom quietly after just a short bit of time, letting Trista out as well, and she told the men outside, "The Teryna wants to try to get some sleep. So I've got some free time to talk." She looked around and narrowed her brows, asking, "Where did Bethany go?"

Hawke pointed at Cullen, "He scared her away."

"I most certainly did not," Cullen shot back. "She was gone when I stepped back out here."

"Who are you going to believe, Aislinn - family or a Templar?"

Aislinn couldn't help laughing at the way Hawke put that, and she walked over to him and said, "I'm not sure, you'll have to tell me what reason Bethany would have to be scared of Cullen."

"Because he's a big...meanie face...or so she said."

"What?," Cullen asked in incredulity, finally sighing when he realized this was all Hawke's way of baiting him. Aislinn was chuckling about it though.

"Alright Garrett, stop trying to rile the Commander. Let's just go find her and make sure she's not hiding needlessly."

"She's probably lost honestly," Hawke chuckled out, then he looked at Cullen and asked, "but if you wouldn't mind my borrowing my cousin for a moment, I would appreciate the favor."

There was that tension between the two men again, Hawke apparently unable to help it since it seemed like Cullen always had some kind of power over one of his family members, and he didn't like it. Cullen decided not to say a word, especially since this was Aislinn's cousin, and only told him, "If that's Aislinn's wish, it's up to her."

The reasonable comment made Hawke lift a brow and give the Templar a strange look. "Are you feeling well today, Commander?"

"Fine," Cullen told him without pause.

"Huh...must be something in Kirkwall's water that makes me people so uppity there like Isabela said."

Ignoring that, Cullen simply mentioned, "I might need to tag along, however." After all, he had no delusions after the way that Doyle had just glared at him that the man was just going to let things go peaceably, no matter how hard Cullen had hit him. So he wanted to make sure he was somewhere nearby at all times if possible.

"He's right," Aislinn supplied, looking up at Hawke. "It's an extremely long story, but there's men here who'll throw a fit over anything they can, including unwatched mages. There's little sense in causing a fuss with the Teryna in the shape she's in anyway."

Hawke nodded, then turned to go with Aislinn saying, "Well, I guess we'll all have a chat together in that case."

Cullen looked at Dreyan, remembering the man's interest in the mage with him, but currently he'd just have to let that go. "Stay with Trista, just incase."

"Yes, Ser," Dreyan replied with a respectful bow of his head. Seeing this, Cullen walked off to follow Aislinn and Hawke as they went down the steps.

As it turned out, Bethany was in the main hall at the bottom of them, admiring an old mural of one of the previous Teryn's of the Keep along with Varric, who looked back when he saw Hawke and motioned at the picture. "Look at this mural, Hawke. What does his ear look like? Sunshine and I were just questioning it."

"I still don't see it," Bethany said while still staring at the picture. "Besides, that's not quite what I'd meant anyway."

"Turn your head to the left slightly," Varric suggested. "It'll come into view then."

Bethany did so slowly and suddenly gasped out the words, "Oh Maker!"

Hawke and Aislinn did the same and Aislinn asked, "Is that..."

"Maker's..." Hawke started, then looked down at Varric. "You've been hanging out with Isabela too much."

"You want to hear the funny thing?," Varric asked Hawke in return. "I didn't even mention it, Sunshine did. She uncertainly said it looked like _something_ in particular, I just filled in the blank for her."

"I most certainly wasn't thinking it looked like _that_," Bethany said, looking down at the Dwarf with narrowed brows.

"What?," Varric asked as if there was nothing to get uppity about.

Cullen was almost afraid to try to see whatever it was they were seeing, so he decided not to. Instead, he just listened to the conversation as Hawke introduced Aislinn to Varric, a Dwarf he'd seen in Kirkwall on more than one occasion, by saying, "Anyway, Varric, this is my cousin, Aislinn."

Varric looked up at her and gave a welcoming smile, saying, "You know Hawke, you have more mages in your family than I do Dwarves apparently."

Aislinn chuckled over that, replying, "Oh, it's not just the three of us, we've got two great aunts, and an uncle as well who're all mages. The Amell family seems to just be...magical, I guess," she snickered softly with a shrug.

Varric smirked, "The only Uncle I ever met was Gamlen, and the only talent he had was making money disappear."

"And booze," Hawke added blandly.

Varric snorted over the comment, and finished his thought by saying to Aislinn, "Not a very good mage, even by Dwarven standards."

Aislinn hadn't ever met Gamlen, but she'd heard things and it sounded about right in her estimate. While shaking her head, she told Varric, "I never met him, but I've heard. I _am_ curious about what it was like in Kirkwall though."

"Sunny and warm, with a pleasing lack of snow," Varric told her, almost seeming sentimental somehow, as if he currently missed it. "I could give you many stories."

"Maker, not this," Hawke snorted. "Varric, this _is_ my cousin, so if you _do_ go spinning any wild stories, any about me anyway, try to keep them as close to reality as possible would you?"

"What for?," Aislinn asked. "The more imaginative the more amusing I think, and certainly the more retell value they have then."

"Have I told you I _like_ how you think?," Varric pointed out with a smirk.

"Well that's perfect, you two will be enthralled for hours on end apparently," Hawke muttered, though it was clear to see that he was amused. "Believe me, Aislinn, by the time he's done, you'll be thinking I'm a blue dragon who only comes out when the sun's gone down."

"Wait, the sun's still up?," Aislinn asked him with a bewildered look on her face, but she soon grinned at him, proving she was teasing him. She heard Bethany snickering and Varric had let a chuckle of his own, smiling up at Hawke.

"I'm going to like your cousin I think."

"It's all revenge for burning my hair as a child," Aislinn told Varric, then looked at Hawke again, "so it serves you right."

"You burned her hair?," Bethany asked her brother then, incredulous over it.

Cullen, who'd been standing there quietly and merely listening, finally said, "That's what _I_ said."

"It was a childish prank," Hawke grumbled in explanation for the second time.

Before more could be said, however, a voice came from around the corner after the doors leading inside of the Keep from the outside had opened, and Aislinn recognized the voice to be the Teryn's. He'd just asked, "What in the hell happened to your face, Doyle? It looks like you met a shovel."

Aislinn had started covering her mouth, snickering wildly, and when she saw Hawke's curious look, she got control of herself and said, "Ask Cullen."

Hawke looked over at Knight Commander and perked a brow. "Is _that_ why he was glaring at you?"

Cullen looked absolutely unapologetic, only replying, "Perhaps."

"Doyle shot me with an arrow last night," Aislinn told them, and Hawke looked back over at her as she explained a little of the story, saying, "just to hurt me for saying he acted like a mule, and he only hurt me because he knew I could heal myself. So the Templars I'm with went to go see the men. Doyle deserves every bit of it, but we're not telling anyone because of the Teryna's condition."

Even Bethany looked angry, folding her arms over her chest as she said, "Well I'll be sure not to offer any healing in that case."

Hake would have made some kind of comment about asking Cullen to remind him never to get in the way of his fist because he'd seen Doyle's nose, and apparently, if the man had shot Aislinn, he really did deserve it. But the Teryn had walked around the corner and into the room with Doyle not too far behind him before Hawke could make a comment over it.

Cullen straightened his posture when he did, as did Aislinn and Bethany. Milus, who was somewhat older with a nicely kempt grey beard and hair, which he'd tied into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, wearing some light armor the showed he wasn't a small man in terms of muscle by any definition, looked over everyone and then motioned to Aislinn who he recognized, saying in friendly greeting, "You finally made it I see. I was figuring the snow would slow things down. How have you been, First Enchanter?"

"Well, Messere," Aislinn replied despite the fact that Doyle was standing right there and she was trying her best to contain any mirth she felt because she'd yet to see the First in Command's face since Cullen had dispensed a fist to it. "I got a little pinned up on the way here, but everything's perfectly fine now that I am," she said pointedly, letting her silver gaze travel to Doyle for a moment, seeing him smirking at her in an attempt to rile her in front of the Teryn.

It didn't work. With that nose, Aislinn couldn't imagine any of his so-called offensive looks ever working again.

"I see," the Teryn replied obliviously. Sadly, he then turned to the Commander and said, "I was wondering if you'd go out of your way to inspect my First here. He's had a mishap, and his nose is broken."

Aislinn was _not_ going to heal him of this injury. She immediately came up with an excuse not to as well and said, "I would, Messere, but there's new regulations on the use of magic with all of the trouble going about between the mages and the Templars these days. I'm not allowed to cast spells unless there's a dire need for it."

"Ah, I see," Milus returned as if he'd just been enlightened, then looked at Cullen, able to tell he was a Templar by his uniform, and he asked, "Your Order's been needing to really stand firmly these days, hasn't it?"

"That it has," Cullen replied, wondering briefly how Aislinn might've tried to get out of healing Doyle of the injury he deserved to keep.

Doyle let an angry grumble, and Milus looked back at him, asking, "Something wrong, Doyle? Surely it's not ailing you _that_ badly."

"It's not that, Teryn," Doyle replied. "I'm just not quite sure of her, that's all."

"Why not?," Hawke asked, "her family's an old friend of the Teryn's." Apparently, even Hawke was going to make sure Doyle found no help in this.

Milus looked over and asked, "Yes, I forgot to ask, who are you again? I don't recognize you but at the same time, something seems familiar."

"Garrett Hawke," he replied in greeting. "You'd know my mother and father, Malcolm and Leandra Hawk, better. This is my sister, Bethany, and a friend of ours, Varric Tethras. We wanted to come by since we were in the area and pay respects to you and your wife."

The expression on Milus's face had gone from curious to enlightened in a very short amount of time, and he walked over with a smile while reaching out to shake Hawke's hand. "I'll be, you're Malcolm's oldest. I remember you when you no more than a few years old." He then chuckled and added, "You were making mud pies on a river bank last I saw you." Stepping back after telling Hawke that, he looked from Hawke and at Aislinn, asking, "The two of you are related as well?"

"Cousins, yes. My Grandfather is her Great Uncle."

"Well," Milus drew out, completely ignoring Doyle as he stared at Aislinn in surprise. "I'd never even have guessed that. To think you've been taking care of my wife all this time and I didn't know."

Aislinn couldn't help smiling over the comment, but she had to ask, "How well did you know Garrett's parents?"

"Oh, that's a long story," Milus started. "One I think I should put off until I've checked on my wife."

"She's taking a nap right now, Messere, that's why I left. So you should probably do that now," Aislinn replied.

"Oh, if she's trying to nap, then I don't want to risk waking her. Come on," he waved a hand, "we'll all go to my study. It's warmer in there and the servants are bringing in a meal if you'd like to join me so we can talk about this and become better acquainted."

"I wouldn't mind a bite to eat," Aislinn replied as she walked with them. "Sounds wonderful."

"Good," Milus nodded, then called out behind himself, "Doyle, make sure those boys are getting their lessons in the training yards right. I don't want all the fuss around here to distract them!"

They all began to walk off to adjourn to the Teryn's study, having a reunion of friends and family as it were, and left Doyle where he was, broken nose and all. Neither one of them spared the First in Command a second thought, making it obvious that he wasn't going to be able to talk anyone into giving him any favors.


	31. Promise

_XXXI. Promise_

Aislinn settled herself down in the quarters she'd been given to stay in and looked around. It was quiet that evening, the room was cozy, the fire from a somewhat large wood stove casting a good bit of light through the neutral toned chambers. Aislinn was worn out, but not tired. She felt like she'd been playing the hospitable role all day long and now she just wanted to be herself for a little bit.

She went over a few things in her head as she sat in the chair near the stove and the dresser quietly, getting her ideas together. Meeting her cousin again that day had been a nice surprise, and she could tell he'd been busy. It seemed like most people didn't know him as the Champion of Kirkwall whenever he was just going by his given name, so no one asked too many questions, even the Teryn, and that aside, he didn't just offer his name up anyway. He was back in Ferelden though after everything that had happened because he was, in fact, a wanted man.

Aislinn didn't question his motives or anything else either. It wasn't her place to, and she was just happy to have met him again, as well as his sister finally. Sadly, they wouldn't be staying for long, though Aislinn got the feeling she'd at least have a day or two there with them before they moved on with the friends they had with them.

As it turned out, the Teryn new Hawke's parents from Lothering not too terribly long after Hawke's family had moved there. The Teryn had been a mere soldier then, and one of the few people who knew the truth about Malcolm in that he was an Apostate and trying to stay away from being taken back to any Circles. Milus found out by mere chance, saved in a mishap that included nearly drowning with Malcolm's help, and he kept the man a secret, helped to divert any of the Templar's attentions away from him if the situation ever arose so that Malcolm could live and raise his children in peace.

This was one of the reasons that Milus was so fond of the Hawke's, and he'd taken a new shining to Aislinn as well in finding out that they were related. Much of their chatting had been centered around stories of the past and perhaps a few hopes for the future as well.

But Aislinn's mind wandered on to other things, mostly being the room she was in and who the person staying with her was. She had no idea when Cullen would get there, but in the meantime, she wondered very briefly just what might happen that night whenever he did. She wasn't expecting anything, not at all, but somehow, with the way things had been between them recently, she wasn't certain she should expect absolutely nothing either.

As she had the thoughts, Aislinn looked up when the door opened and Cullen walked into the room as if on some kind of queue to show up. He looked somewhat...nervous. Aislinn couldn't help but notice it, quirking a brow as he'd shut the door, all while finding it charmingly amusing. Apparently _he_ hadn't been quite sure what to expect either.

Cullen turned back around and saw her look as well. He'd been dreading this all day long, and somewhere a little deeper down, also looking forward to it. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help himself. Wasn't it just last night that she'd told him she wished she wouldn't have to leave him when she went to bed? There was something very _nice_ to thinking of spending the night in the same room with her, and at the same time, something very daunting as well.

Still, he asked her because of the look, "What?"

"I didn't say a thing," she told him with a sweet smile, wondering if it would get him shyly riled. It seemed to because he let out a sigh as if he were determined not to buckle in this situation.

"Well, you were just...looking at me strangely. I was hoping you weren't uncomfortable." When he heard her chuckling he looked up and narrowed his brows over his eyes. "Why is it so funny?"

"Because I know your moral standings, Cullen, and believe me when I say that this will be much harder on you than on me." That was only true depending on the angle you looked at it though, Aislinn thought to herself. After all, he wouldn't _exactly_ know what it would be like for her to sleep next to him and have to keep her hands to herself. After all, with the way things had gone the night before and how he'd helped her, she really wanted to _show_ him some kind of appreciation, not just _tell_ him with a little kiss to the cheek.

"You feel no...reluctance at all?," he asked, breaking through her thoughts. "You don't think it's an allusion to..."

Aislinn gave him a plain expression while letting him ask, trying to give him the time he needed to think about this, and he suddenly seemed to realize how he was acting about it, which wasn't completely childish, but on the same token, he knew he was being a little more anxious than he probably should have been. With a sigh, he looked away, somewhat annoyed at himself.

Aislinn could see that he was as well, and she smiled and decided to mention, "You know, if Norris hadn't said what he did about us sharing a room, then I would have said something to make them change their minds."

"You would?," he asked, perking a brow up in curiosity and confusion alike. When she nodded at him, he asked, "Like what?"

"I would've thought of something, trust me. Besides, I know you better and I would definitely rather be in a room, _and_ a bed," she added just to tease him, "with you than with Dreyan. I mean, unless this is too uncomfortable. I can always just share those things with-," and she stopped when he held up a hand.

"You're doing this on purpose," he started, heading further into the room and over to the side of the bed she supposed he was going to claim. As he went, he said, "I just hope leaving Dreyan and Trista alone isn't going to become a problem later."

Aislinn wasn't really listening _completely_ at that point. Instead, she was watching him as he stood by the bed removing his gloves. It wasn't a huge bed, but Aislinn had considered it was big enough for the two of them until she saw him there. Now she was rethinking her initial stance on the matter.

She mentioned it aloud too, "I don't think we're going to be able to roll over without touching."

She saw his shoulders droop and she tried her best not to grin, but snickers escaped from under her hand as she covered her mouth to hide it. Cullen turned around, giving her a look that said he wasn't really angry, but more or less embarrassed and trying to figure out why she was doing this. "Does it humor you to make me even more...uncomfortable?"

"After the way you kissed me last night before everything happened?," she drew out in playful thought, then told him, "Yes, it does very much so. Besides, we're trying, so this is another chance to actually get comfortable, isn't it?"

"I wanted to try as in, doing things with you, perhaps buying you something nice for instance. Not spending the night in bed with you...oh Maker," he suddenly got out when he put it like that, and Aislinn started laughing even harder, but she was burying it all in her hands. He shot a glance over at her, saying as seriously as he could muster since even he was finding this amusing now, "For the love of Andraste, Aislinn, it's not funny."

"The hell it isn't," she retorted bluntly, snickering again before casting her storm colored eyes up at him. She could see the mirth on his face which he was trying to hide so hard, and she lowered her hands and shook her head at him, "Should I even change into my nightgown, Ser, or must I sleep in this uncomfortable robe? Perhaps you should remain in your armor incase something of yours...," she trailed with inaudible laughter as she was about to say 'unless something of yours jumps out at me', but she never managed to make it that far. She was so amused now that her head was laying back against the chair in which she was sitting.

Cullen honestly wanted to be mortified in this situation, and had it been eight and a half years prior, he would have been without question. This would have been where he ran off to find someone else to stay with Aislinn for the night. But instead, now, he was smiling if even just a little. It wasn't the biggest grin in the world, but it was humored, having an idea of what she'd meant, but what she meant wasn't the reason he was smiling. Instead, he was smiling because _she_ was so amused, and the fact that she was humored helped him to forget about his anxiety over the situation as if it weren't anything out of the ordinary.

While she silently let out of her giggles, he muttered out, purposefully chiding her for her behavior since she seemed to think it was so funny, "You do realize just how crass you're being, don't you?"

Aislinn sobered up from her mirth and looked back over at him, replying, "And you've grown up too, otherwise you would've ran from the room just now to find someone else to stay here."

"Know me so well, do you?"

Smiling, Aislinn stood from her chair and walked over to him, coming to a stop about two and a half feet away from where he stood. He watched her curiously, and she just put her hands together while nodding at his question, saying in response, "That I do. So, should I assist you in getting the armor off now that we've established how well we know one another?"

Cullen tried not to flinch, wondering at this playfulness she was exuding just then, though he knew the question she'd asked was meant because on many occasions, some Templars had trouble getting their armor on and off, whether she'd spoken it so playfully or not. So he said as casually as he could, "If I did that, they'd know you helped to uh...undress me."

"Not unless you told them that you were so tired you just passed out in it. Or perhaps stayed up to watch all night long. But I can always go grab Ser Dreyan if you don't want me to."

Cullen started shaking his head at her. It wasn't a difficult chore for him to get the armor off to begin with. There were perhaps three latches that were hard to reach, but over time, Cullen had perfected the procedure alone. So he told her as much, "I don't need help actually, I can do it myself. But I thank you," he added on a teasing tone of voice that Aislinn hadn't heard before, "for making the offer, Serah."

Aislinn stared up at him in surprise, her smile as bright and warm as before. "Sarcasm? From Ser Cullen? Hmm, I wonder what other surprises being forced to share my bed with me might bring out in you? Well, when you're not going through withdrawals anyway."

She saw him flinch finally when she put it like that and she bit her lip. This was too much fun.

Without pause, Cullen told her on a softer tone of voice that was meant to be more serious, "Honestly, Aislinn, this isn't a place where we're allowed to forget what–," and she silenced him by reaching out and taking one of the latches on the upper side of his chest plate and snapping it open, then the other one on the opposite side. He looked left, then right where she'd gone, and as she told him to lift his arms, he just grabbed hers in a grip strong enough to stop her but gentle enough not to hurt her at all, and gave her a curious look.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Just trying to kill two birds with one stone," she answered, looking him square in the eyes. "You remind me of the merits for good behavior, while I get you ready for bed. It's simple really. What's wrong with it?"

"I...uh...you're not..."

She was giving him that look that made him forget himself, and he swore he was like a musician's lute, and she was a professional player. She seemed to know just how to do that to him to the point that he let her pull his pauldrons off one by one before carrying them to the chair where she'd been sitting before to put down. Before she could get back over to him, he lifted the chest plate himself and waved a hand at her. "I'll do the rest."

As he walked on toward the dresser, she shrugged and told him casually, "As you wish, Ser Knight," and then grinned when he wasn't looking and walked around the bed, undoing the back of her robe the entire way. Cullen had just finished settling his chest plate down when he looked over at her to see that she was letting the top of her robe slip off of her shoulders and down across her back. Aislinn was wearing a thin slip beneath it, so she wasn't completely nude as she took the beige colored robe off, but the shape of her body was much easier to see in the flimsy garment, and Cullen had forgotten, once again, whatever it was he'd been doing. Aislinn turned around to grab her satchel and find her nightgown inside of it, and she saw him staring at her in doing so.

She could tell he liked what he saw, and she only wondered if he knew how much she liked what _she_ saw. The Templar uniform was somewhat elaborate, a chest plate and pauldrons at the top half, and on the bottom half a deep red and blue skirt covering leggings and boots. But the skirt wasn't _just_ a skirt. It was actually a robe in itself, the upper half of it like a long sleeved shirt with a high collar, visible only when the chest plate was removed, and it was nicely form fitting. That was what Aislinn saw now, the red material of his robe which was stretching nicely across his chest.

She'd never seen Cullen without some kind of shirt on before, and though she knew he was nicely formed, seeing it through the nicely fitting material he was wearing now was _much_ better than imagining it. She hoped that frustration she'd been feeling didn't decide to explode just then while she looked at him from the corner of her eyes. Trying to sound as serious as she could, she asked him, "Need some help with your...pants?"

Cullen snapped himself out of it, having been concentrating on her just as much as she had him. But he pushed the thoughts out of his head and began replying by saying, "No, not at all. Also, they're greaves, Aislinn, _greaves_."

"There's a difference?," Aislinn asked him, pretending not to know.

"Yes, a vast difference."

"So, then it's alright for me to assist you in getting your _greaves_ off, but if I mention taking your _pants_ off," she enunciated, "it's just oh so wrong?"

"It's just…it's…," he groaned and went to get the greaves off while ignoring her question. She was winning this baiting game, and he knew it. Why it was that he felt like a part of himself was actually rooting for her to win however - though _which_ part of himself he dared not to think of - was another story altogether.

Changing the subject completely, he informed her as he worked, "You should put something more on, it's cold in here."

A sudden chuckle from her side of the room got his attention as she disappeared behind the changing screen for his sakes, and when she didn't say anything while tugging on a more concealing nightgown - though it wasn't _that_ much more concealing, just like a long sleeved version of the slip she'd been wearing - he asked her, "What's so funny? Wait, I'm afraid to ask."

She answered him regardless. "What you said about my putting something more on."

Cullen had busied himself in changing the red and blue robe of his uniform into a plain white tunic and a pair of pants he could be comfortable sleeping in while she was behind the screen, asking in response, "What about it?"

"I'm actually wearing a good bit more than I normally do if you want to know. I'm comfortable in less. A lot less actually."

He was right to be afraid to ask. Did he really need to know that she preferred sleeping in next to nothing? Or nothing at all? Cullen took in a silent breath because he'd gotten a mental image and it wasn't being very merciful on his body in a physical sense. In fact, he didn't think removing his greaves had been a very good idea just then. Like so many times in the past, he'd began to ache, but he used every bit of his discipline to get his mind off of it just then.

Aislinn, he decided in that moment, was going to drive him completely daft.

Aislinn noticed he seemed to be a little distressed, lifting an eyebrow at him as she exited from behind the changing screen and turned to head over to the end of the bed where her satchel was so she could put her slip in it while asking, "Are you alright?"

"I was just reconsidering the situation," he replied to her. "It may not be the best idea after all if I stayed here."

Aislinn pursed her lips, walking from the end of the bed and over to him after he said that. Before he could make any movements to do anything, he found her pressing herself against him, her arms going around his back, and what's more, her warmth melting into his body. As she did this, she told him pointedly, "You should know that if you did that, I swear I'd never forgive you."

He was silent, unmoving. His mind was focused on the fact that she was hugging him and he wasn't wearing armor now, so he could feel her softness through their clothing easily, which was making it hard for him to think to speak. Aislinn thought he might still be considering it because of his silence, but she soon heard him saying, "Nor I myself," and she couldn't help but smile. She slowly began to rub her arms up and down his back, felt the tension slowly ebbing away from him with a little time, and finally, he put his own arms around her in return. She didn't think she could stop smiling at that point. Still, she understood the way he felt in that moment as he next spoke.

"It's just hard being here with you...feeling this way, that's all."

He was aroused, she thought to herself. That was the only explanation for it. Aislinn held his gaze for a moment, thinking everything over, considering all of the repercussions, and she finally asked him, "Do you trust me?"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't be here at all."

With a nod, she whispered softly, "Lay back on the bed then."

Despite the trust he'd just told her he held in her, he froze into place. It was the unknown that caused that however, but she urged him on a bit, and Cullen soon found himself listening, slowly moving back until he was settled on the bed, letting her guide him if she so wanted to. When she motioned for it, he let a soft sigh and slowly turned on the bed to lay with his back against the pillows, giving her enough room to slip onto the mattress beside of him.

Aislinn watched him moving into place, and she'd settled herself down next to him in the meantime. Once he was still, she said, "Close your eyes."

He remembered when she'd told him to do that before, and he asked her, "Like last night?"

She smiled, "Just close your eyes, Cullen."

Lifting a brow, he gave her a scrutinizing look, unable to help but see how she looked settled there in her nightgown, her sleeve falling off of her shoulder at random. The image it gave was a decidedly sexy one, and Cullen let his eyes shut against it after inhaling deeply. The thought he'd had about going daft came back, and he figured he was heading there fast. But those thoughts soon shifted when he felt _her_ shifting a bit, then felt her kissing his cheek and letting her lips drag down along his jaw until she'd reached his chin. Once she'd kissed him there, he heard her asking, "Why is it so hard, Cullen?"

The suggestion of the question made his mind roll with the potential meanings, but instead of focusing on them, he asked only, "Why is what so hard?"

"Being here with me and feeling this way?"

She hadn't made any jokes, though he knew she probably could have. Instead though, she just leaned in and began to kiss her way along his throat, letting him take his time in answering her. He seemed partly tense, but also seemed to be fighting it, and after a low breath through his lips, Aislinn heard him saying, "Because of the thoughts I have about you."

She knew that much, she just wanted him to admit it. Her hand moved to his abdomen, which felt nicely hard through his tunic, and she felt it tense to the point that she could trace her fingers over the muscle there. She did just that and heard a very soft gasp of breath coming out of him, a sound that got her excited in turn because she knew what it was doing to him.

"Care to share them?"

"No, those aren't...," he stopped when he felt her fingers curling into his shirt to tug it out of the waist of his pants where it had wound up after he'd tugged his pants on, followed by the warmth of her fingers brushing down and across his skin at his lower abdomen, then his naval and lower in a suggestive manner. He reached for her hand quickly and opened his eyes, looking at her, having gotten completely aroused due to her movements despite any fighting he'd been doing beforehand, and she lifted her head up to meet his gaze.

Cullen shook his head at her, saying with no lack of certainty, "You should get up and lay on your side of the bed tonight...and we should keep...," he trailed when she leaned in closer, "space...," her lips brushed over his as he finished, "between us." His hands fisted as he fought to keep them to himself and tried not to kiss her.

Daft? He was sure he defined the word now.

He was breathing hard, and Aislinn's own heart had picked up in pace as she whispered back, "I know, Cullen," she turned her head and drew her lips in a light brush along his jaw, up to his ear, and added, "I can't help that I just...want to be close to you though."

"This isn't...right, Aislinn–," he started, but was cut off when she kissed his mouth, though he stubbornly refused to let go of her hand which was still resting just above the waistband of his pants. He couldn't help but kiss her though, wanting to so badly that even if he'd been about to make some kind of argument in morality's favor, his own just didn't care to deny him that pleasure.

Even though he was holding her hand, she still found the tie of his pants with her fingers and tugged on it, which drew them open easily. When he felt that, heat stabbed through him in a way it never had before, throbbing and aching. Cullen was finding it much harder with each moment to resist the way he felt. Actually, what he was finding much harder to do was actually _care_ to resist. It made him feel like he was going to explode if he did, and not in any good way. It was in that moment that he realized that he was actually angry he'd never had this with her before, and resented the time he'd lost being so stubborn and unrelenting when it came to denying the way he felt about her.

Or had he just been without option?

Either way, he didn't deserve what she was doing now, not without being able to reciprocate some kind of..._favor_, and he was at a complete loss as to whatever it was he could've done for her. What was she expecting anyway?

Uncertain, he broke the kiss when she'd tugged his pants open, his breath catching for a moment when her fingertips brushed just inside of them, and even though he was throbbing in anticipation, he said her name with his forehead against hers, then took a deep breath and told her, "Don't." His voice lacked any of the conviction he knew it should have had however. He was hurting for her to continue, every bit of him taut like a string on an instrument that was tuned too tightly, and he added, "I _can't_ let you do this, no matter..."

He had to trail off, knowing what he'd been about to say, and she knew it too. _No matter how much I want you._ Aislinn couldn't ignore that, and she whispered back, "Yes you can, Cullen," brushing her nose across his and kissing him lightly, then more firmly, flicking her tongue across his lips until she felt his grip on her wrist going just lax enough that she could slip free of it. She wasted no time in letting her fingers sneak beneath the waistband of his pants either.

Cullen broke the kiss the moment she found what she was looking for and wrapped her fingers around it to squeeze, feeling her tight grip gloving him, and he let out a loud moan and ended up pulling her in tightly to himself in response. Suddenly, nothing else seemed very important anymore.

"Just let me give this to you," she whispered next to his ear as he'd moaned, slowly working her wrist back and then forth, giving his aching shaft a long stroke while she watched his face intently, feeling her own arousal by the way he responded. Idly, she also noticed that what she was gripping in her palm felt as if it had some size, though she'd gone without anything for so long she could've just been guessing, she wasn't sure. It didn't matter though, what _did_ matter was that she liked what she was feeling, and she squeezed it more tightly, which got exactly what she wanted - for him to let a loud groan in the back of his throat to her.

"I _need_ to give this to you," she asserted.

"Aislinn," he rasped out on a throaty groan of breath and took her arm, unsure if he even meant the next word as pleasure surged through him which he halfheartedly tried to fight down, "no..."

"Please?," she asked, her voice as silken as she could make it, and he jerked and began panting when she rubbed her thumb over the tip of him, smearing the drips of wetness she found there over him. He gripped her so tightly to his side for it that she thought she might suffocate. She loved every minute of it as well, soaking up his reactions completely. "Is that good?"

"More than...ahhh," he jerked again and grabbed her hand when heated pleasure surged through him even more intensely than before, stopping her completely. He'd never once felt this level of desire or pleasure, had done this for himself but it had never been _quite_ this good, perhaps because her hands were smaller and softer than his, but he couldn't ignore how badly he wanted it for certain. Still, if she kept this up, he was going to explode, and he didn't want that to happen because...of..._something_... Damn it all, he couldn't remember the reason.

Whatever it was, he knew he had to try. So when Aislinn moved her hand again after a moment, he tightened his hold, shaking his head. "S-stop...it's..."

"Too much?," she asked, turning her head to place a kiss on his lips after saying the single word, "Good."

As she kissed him, he let out a moan into her mouth, then reluctantly let go of her hand when she tried to move it again. Once he did, she finally tugged him free of his pants completely, and went to use a much faster motion against him, one that had him completely lost in no time at all. He didn't care if it was right or wrong anymore, he couldn't think of anything but her and what she was doing to him.

"Aislinn!"

The build up was fast in coming, completely overwhelming, and he sat forward, finally remembering that he wanted to stop her before she could finish him, but he was a bit too late for that. Pleasure began erupting in him harder than he'd ever felt it before, his heart slamming in his chest, and before he even knew it, he'd grabbed her and pushed her over on the bed, moving to cover her while kissing her hard with her legs slipping up and around his hips. This went on as he finished by spilling some of his climax onto her nightgown. The pleasure had overwhelmed him completely.

It was slow in releasing him as well. He continued kissing her, dipping his head down to her throat and sucking against the skin, reaching cupping her breast which she arched her back into. Aislinn started panting beneath him until he'd apparently realized what he was doing precisely, and it wasn't hard to tell when reality hit him again. He suddenly stopped and sat back, staring down at her, almost afraid of what he'd see. But she looked far from appalled liked he'd feared she might. She looked...dazed, extremely pleased, rubbing her hands up and down his arms and his shoulders.

It gave him pause, completely uncertain as to what he should do now. So sticking to what he knew, he panted out the words, "I...I shouldn't have done that...I-I'm sorry."

Why did it seem as if as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized this wasn't the place to apologize considering what she'd just done to him? _Absolutely no good at this_, he thought briefly.

She knew it as well, and simply shushed him by leaning up to press a kiss to his lips slowly, then said, "It's fine, Cullen. You enjoyed that, didn't you?"

"I...I...y-yes," he rasped out, "but I...Why did you do that?"

Aislinn had taken to rubbing his shoulders to try to get him to relax, urging him to lay on his side in the meantime. Once she finally got him to move, and he settled against the pillows, she tucked herself against him and said softly, "You needed it, that's why. I needed it too."

"I...w-what do you mean _you_ needed it?" He could understand why she might've said _he_ had, but why in the world would she?

"I needed to give you something," she whispered and looked up at him, adding softly, "and seeing you enjoying that was more than I could've asked for."

He was still trying to figure it all out, but somehow, the state that the erotic encounter had put him in was making that all seem completely unimportant. Instead of feeling shame or regret like he thought he might have, the only thing he could think was about how much he loved her. He'd never done anything like this before, and she knew he hadn't, so rather than ask for him to do something she knew he wasn't sure of, she'd made no demands and given everything to him. He may be inexperienced sexually, but even _he_ realized that much.

He was also endlessly grateful for it.

To show how he felt about it, he leaned down and kissed her suddenly and urgently, forgetting about anything that didn't have to do with his feelings for her. Aislinn reciprocated in kind as well, letting a little whimper against his lips that he liked a great deal more than he thought he would. But she broke the kiss this time and lifted her hand to his shoulder, shaking her head at him as she pushed him back slowly.

"Lay back, Cullen, rest. If you kiss me like that anymore, I'll forget my good intentions."

Aislinn was surprised at how quickly he'd gotten some skill at doing that, wondering if he would pick up on _everything_ in such a manner. It was too arousing for her to think over in that moment however, especially when all she'd intended on was pleasuring him, and she pushed a bit on his shoulder to urge him to lay back down against the pillows, which he did so slowly.

While he was laying back, she added, "Maybe I shouldn't have done that, maybe you were right, but I feel like I just had to give you _something_ good. I needed to, especially after everything you've done for me. But if you keep kissing me that way, this will...it _could_ end in a way we might not want it too."

Cullen was a bit too surprised to think of anything more than what she'd said as meaning she liked the way he kissed her, that it tempted her just as much as she tempted him, and he found some pride in that notion. But another thought rose in his head, one he hadn't considered asking her before, and after a few moments of silence once she'd settled down just next to him, he asked his question.

"Aislinn...are you...," he almost couldn't get it out. She waited and he finally asked her, "Do you want me?"

Aislinn knew why he would ask that. He wasn't conceited, nor did he hate himself, he probably just hadn't even considered the notion that she might want him in return before. Biting her bottom lip, she nodded slowly, "Yes, I can't help it."

"Then I–," he stopped when she suddenly put two fingers over his lips.

"No, Cullen," she shook her head, her eyes locked on his. "There's nothing you need to do right now. We just need to rest, that's all."

He felt somehow deprived and he wasn't sure why exactly. Instead of figuring it out just then, however, he settled where he was against the white pillows, watching her curiously. Another thought then hit him and he asked, "Have you...been with anyone before?"

Her eyes slowly opened, gazing up at him, and she whispered, "Yes."

Jealousy hit him harder than he'd thought it would have. But he only asked her, "Who?"

"Two men, both mages," she shrugged. "It's been a long time though."

"That's not helping."

Now it was her turn to look up at him uncertainly, the comment one she hadn't quite expected, and her brows furrowed in curiosity over her stormy grey eyes. "What's not helping?"

"You said it's been a long time," he explained, "but I'm still jealous."

She was too stunned to smile at first, but slowly that smile curled up her lips. "I didn't...," she sat up on her elbow, informing him, "it was in the Tower before I really even knew you, Cullen."

"Doesn't help," he insisted.

Damn it all, now she wanted to kiss him again. The way he acted about it, the stubborn set of his jaw, was just too cute for words. But if she did, she'd be setting herself up for a fall, so she did the next best thing and leaned up, pressing a kiss to his cheek, then leaned her face to the side and said against his ear, "If it makes you feel any better, I haven't been interested in anyone since you left the Tower. I've had chances, but for some reason I didn't feel right about them, and now I know why. I think a part of me was waiting."

That _did_ make him feel better, and he turned his head and looked up at her as she lifted her head when she broke the kiss. His fingers moved to her cheek, and he realized then that he couldn't let this be one sided. He just couldn't. She'd said she needed to give him pleasure because of everything he'd done for her, but he felt as if what he'd done for her paled in comparison to what she'd done for him. He had to return the favor, he was too determined not to, and he sat up, kissing her once he'd pulled her against himself, and then broke it off and told her, "Tell me what I need to do."

Her brows narrowed up at him. He looked at her intently, a small hint of embarrassment on his face which he was fighting off determinedly, and she shook her head and asked, "You mean to do the same thing I just did for you?"

"Yes," he replied without reservation.

Aislinn started shaking her head at him, saying, "Cullen, if I do that, you'll only get aroused again and then–," she stopped when he leaned in more closely, lightly brushing his lips over hers briefly, turning the tables on her like she'd done to him before, making her dizzy with his closeness when he spoke.

"Tell me, Aislinn. Show me. I'll...start guessing if you don't."

Somehow, her throat went dry over the thought. He was determined - always had been from what she could tell - and she couldn't find it in her to deny him just then, or to speak. Instead, she slowly nodded, and already, Cullen could see that just mentioning this to her had her looking dazed. Why he liked it so much was beyond him, but he did.

"Alright," she whispered finally, "but don't forget what I said. You might..."

"I won't forget," he replied on a soft tone of voice, listening to her because she was the one who knew what was what better than he did. She nodded, and then slipped over toward him, moving so that her bottom was settled between his legs in his lap, one of her arms going around his side. Her eyes were locked on his briefly, but she looked away a bit shy because she'd never really shown a man what to do, though she felt no hesitancy to do it.

She looked down once she was settled, seeing that his hand was resting on her side. Reaching down, she took it and then looked back up at him. "You might want to...hold onto my hips, since I might jerk without meaning to."

"Jerk?"

"It happens sometimes," she said vaguely in response.

He watched her as she spoke, let his free hand slip down to her hips as she took his other and placed it against the inside of her leg near the middle of her thigh. Aislinn didn't look at him as she slipped his hand upward along it slowly for two reasons. One, she didn't want him to be too embarrassed or maybe feel pressured, and two, she was a little shy herself. Not overly so, otherwise she wouldn't be doing this with him at all, but she had trouble looking a man in the eyes during a sexual act, at least, one where she was the reciprocant.

Cullen watched her sliding his fingers up her inner thigh, and heard her breathing picking up a bit. He was completely transfixed as well, seeing the skirt of her nightgown riding up against his fingers until he felt the junction of her thighs between her legs. He had no idea she wasn't wearing any undergarments until that moment, but he felt her bare, heated skin there, the pads of his fingers brushing over it with her hand guiding his, and he made sure to be still for now, to let her show him how to do this.

Aislinn had bitten her lip, keeping as much logical thought in her head as she could while she said, "Just this much is," she breathed deeply, then added, "good."

He could tell it must have been because of the sound of her voice, the way she was breathing. She let him cup her, her lips parting as she silently drew breath, face downcast from his, and she was wet now to the point that she knew he'd be able to tell just cupping her sex in this fashion, his hands big and warm, making her ache, her nipples getting tight within her nightgown, straining against the fabric.

As soon as Cullen felt the heat and the wetness between her thighs, he knew what it meant. It didn't take a learned professor to figure it out, the warmth of the slickness against his fingers not unpleasant to experience, and as if his body already knew what it wanted where he didn't, he felt that arousal she'd told him would come back making him hard once again. He couldn't summon up thought for any conversation whatsoever, paying attention to the way she felt, to how she was shaped, and to how she responded, learning her as it were.

Aislinn dug her fingers into the back of his tunic with the arm she had wrapped around him, then pressed his index into the seam of her sex, holding the jolt she felt of her hips the best she could while trying to show him more, but she couldn't help panting when she felt the indirect brushes to her sensitive flesh and her swelling clit. Her eyes closed and, she just focused there for now, dragging his finger over the swollen nub, certain he could feel it as well. On a strained voice, she got out, "That's...that's where...it's _most_ sensitive...normally."

Hearing her panting and the way she spoken, Cullen figured this had to be the same as when she'd been touching him, and he deigned to take a little initiative, drawing the pad of his finger over that spot without her guidance. She jerked like she'd warned him she would, having not expected the movement, grabbing him tightly with a gasp.

As soon as she did, he stopped and tightened his arm around her, saying, "I'm sorry!"

Aislinn took a few deep breaths and shook her head, whispering, "You didn't hurt me."

That was surprising, but he thought he might have for a very brief moment before he realized that if he really had, she probably would have jerked his hand away from her. Since she hadn't, he took in a breath, and then began the same movement with his fingers between her legs again, finding the little button he'd felt before to rub it slowly in the same manner again.

She gave the same reaction as before, tensing up and tightening her arm around his back, hiding her face against his chest while he explored between her legs. She even bit into his shirt to keep quiet as heat spiraled through her entire body, fisting her other hand into the front of his tunic tightly while panting through her nose. But each brush and drag made her more and more mindless until finally she parted her lips and let out a soft, high pitched moan, ending with his name.

Cullen stared at her, couldn't drag his eyes away. Her reactions drew even more fire into him than before, especially when she moaned his name like that. She kept hiding shyly against him - and here he thought _he_ was the shy one - her hips jolting against his hand and his searching fingers, and he also remembered what she'd said about holding her them, understanding more of what she'd meant now, so he did just that to keep them still.

He'd started breathing almost as heavily as she was, asking her, "How is it...?"

She could barely figure out how to speak, but she rasped out the words, "Ah, Maker, it's...ah...," while trying to remember to be quiet. She made herself reach down and moved her fingers against his again, showing him how hard to press and circle, pressing downwards then to make this a little easier to bear, dipping his fingers between her lips which got her to jolt again and pant, sinking them very slowly inside of her just a slight bit before pulling them back up. Cullen was completely lost over how wet and utterly hot she'd felt, mimicking her motions when she let him to then circle her clit again the way she had, and when he did, she tugged her hand from his and grabbed his shirt again, whimpering more loudly.

"Cullen!," she gasped out.

He tried to remember that she'd told him he would get aroused again because the way she'd just moaned his name out had him throbbing for her. But he remembered something else, something she'd done to him, and started circling the nub faster for her.

Aislinn jerked harder, making him tighten his grip to keep her still for more of what he was giving her, still determined to make this as good for her as he could, when she suddenly rasped out, "Ah...I'm gonna..," she stopped with a deep breath, unable to get out all of the words. "Please...don't stop!"

Cullen had never once thought something could be so beautiful - if not maddening - to witness, knowing from her words that she was close to peaking as he had done. He wanted to see it so badly he nearly couldn't stand it, doing exactly as she'd asked him to, continuing on until she suddenly tensed and nearly came off of his lap. The tremors exploded through her body with a cry of his name muffled against his shirt as she rocked her hips into his hand, letting more muffled sounds along the way. She tensed hard, grabbing him tightly until finally that unrelenting pleasure subsided and she slowly began to still herself against him with deep, heavy breaths.

He took in every movement, the way she grabbed him, holding back to her tightly and completely enthralled, dizzy even when he heard her whimpering, his eyes closing as he buried his face against her neck until she'd gotten still. He stopped the movements between her thighs when she grabbed his arm in a way that said for him to stop, then pulled his hand away from her sex and began slowly stroking her inner thigh without thought attached to the movement. Once he had, she turned her hips and pulled herself against him completely, still nuzzling her face into his chest as she panted and murmured softly.

He clutched her tightly, wondering what he'd done to deserve this. This wasn't a sin, or anything else to regret, no - it was a reward. He just didn't know for what in particular, and at the same time, didn't think it mattered.

One arm was around her tightly, and he drew his other up with it finally, panting just as much as she was, deciding she'd been completely right about how he would get aroused again, because it was absolutely true. Something about seeing her in so much pleasure, which _he_ was giving her, drove him crazy, and he had to admit, he'd loved every minute of it. She was still clinging to him in the aftermath, her face buried in his chest, and he leaned down and kissed the top of her head gently.

"Aislinn, are you...," he felt a little foolish asking, but finally said, "alright?"

She didn't reply at first, but finally nodded her head and looked up at him. She still wanted him, and she hadn't quite expected that. She supposed she wasn't going to be sated until...

Her mind went blank suddenly when Cullen leaned down and kissed her hard, her eyes closing as she gave into it, pressing herself against him through their clothing, further excited by the way he groaned into her mouth. His hands had started to trail up and down her back, one down to her side and settling on her hip, the other at the back of her neck as if to hold her in place so he could continue kissing her so deeply.

Digging her fingers into the back of his tunic was all she could do to keep herself from knocking him back and just having her way with him, that was, until he'd broken the kiss and told her, "I want you, Aislinn. Tonight."

He knew it was the most direct he'd ever been, but he was over his limit. The way she felt rubbing against him as he'd kissed her and the responses she gave him were too much to ignore. He didn't even try to stop himself from adding on a bold note, "I've dreamt about you so many times and ached over those dreams for so long...I can't stand it anymore. I need it to stop. I need to have you finally."

As if she weren't aroused enough already, he had to go and say that. Aislinn stared at him for just a short moment with absolutely nothing in her head because she couldn't summon anything up before she reacted, which was to lean up and press a somewhat short, but hard kiss against his mouth while taking his shoulders into her hands and pushing herself up so she could move to her knees and part them over his lap.

She'd remembered thinking earlier that she didn't expect anything to happen in particular, but she also didn't expect _nothing_ to happen either. Now, as she'd parted her legs over his lap and lowered herself down, dizzy and drunk with not only her need, but the need she could see on his face as well, all she could think was that a part of her knew something like this _would_ happen. She got the feeling a part of him did too, and they were both finally able to embrace it.

Reaching down, she grabbed the bottom of his tunic and tugged it up, pulling it over his shoulders and off of his arms which he'd lifted long enough to allow before she whispered to him, "You're not the only one who's been aching. I'll make sure it stops for both of us. Just lay back, love."

She'd be as good to him as her promise.


	32. No Regret

_XXXII. No Regret_

"Not yet."

Aislinn had told Cullen to lay back, but he didn't listen, not at first at least. Instead, he'd brought his hands to rest on her shoulders as he sat with her straddling his lap, moving them downward to her upper arms slowly and taking the clothe of her night gown with them. Aislinn stayed quiet in turn, feeling a shiver run through her as she let him do his own exploring, her gown falling down to uncover her chest just like she'd pulled his tunic off just a few moments before that. She stayed still, letting him do whatever he pleased for now while she also took the time out to admire him in return.

She hadn't been wrong over the idea she had of how he was shaped, lean muscle across his chest with a dusting of dark hair lining his pectorals, though his arms were a different story. She hadn't thought they'd be quite as large, but they were nicely shaped. Perhaps she should have expected it considering the size of his hands which she'd noticed before on more than one occasion. The last thing she noticed were some light scars here and there, creating an interesting story to read in places along his torso, but that story would be for later. She couldn't concentrate on it when, after he'd pulled her nightgown down, the next thing he'd done was to lift his hands to cup each of her breasts, her eyes falling shut in response.

Every move he'd made had been slow, careful, even looking at her was taken with care, as if maybe he were memorizing the sight of her and taking it all in. In his eyes, she was perfectly shaped, her skin was alabaster from years spent indoors and out of the sunlight, smooth under his fingers which were calloused after his own years of wielding weapons and fighting in the Order. The contrasting touch was extremely nice. He finally let his hands draw over her chest to cup both of her breasts after he'd uncovered them, which were enough to fill his palms, rosy tips pointing upwards, and though Cullen had always been shy by nature, it wasn't hard for him to let himself look, or touch her.

As he'd mentioned before, he needed to have her, and that certainly extended to exploring her and learning how she felt in any way he could. Shyness or not, he'd waited too long.

He squeezed them both in his hands, stroked his thumbs along the swells, then up and across to brush over her nipples, which were already hardening under his gaze, only made harder by his touch. He heard her suck in her breath in response and felt her fingers clutching his shoulders, the movements drawing his eyes to her face to see that she had her lips parted and her eyes shut, taking in her breath at an even pace. Still watching her face, he brushed the rosy tips again, lightly pinched them, and watched her brows furrow over her closed eyes in response.

"You're beautiful," Cullen murmured out a bit throatily, and with her face just level with his, if not slightly above it, their lips close, he brushed a kiss to them, and then turned his head, kissing her neck, trailing down to her chest. Aislinn let her arms slip around him completely, one hand to his back, the other up into his hair as he drug his lips across her skin, over her breast. Her breathing picked up until she felt his mouth covering the tip of the mound, lips closing around it, giving a light suck. She breathed his name out in response to the carefully made actions.

This wasn't some kind of unexpected boldness on his part, but instead simple curiosity after a good, long time of wondering, and she held herself against him as her blood drew hotly through her. He wasn't content to stay at one breast either, turning to the other to give it the same attention which had her arching her back against his mouth, pleasure washing over her. She could feel his tongue tracing up and over the sensitive flesh, sending tingles through her that made her heat up between her thighs quickly - not that she'd been cold before at all - flicking it hotly.

Her head had lolled back, but then she turned it and lowered it until her mouth was next to his ear. Combing her fingers through his hair, Aislinn moaned out his name as his hands slipped around her back and upwards on each side of her spine to hold her where she was. As he did this, she'd pressed her own fingers down along his back and around his side, down to his pants where she found his arousal and took it into her hand. He pushed his hips forward with a low groan while she pressed her own down until she met her sex to his, which made him tense and grab her more tightly, lifting his head back up to meet hers.

She covered his mouth with a deep kiss before anything more could happen, all while she slowly rocked her slick sex over his hard length. The way he groaned into her mouth made her blood nearly boil, especially while feeling his heated skin as it was rubbing back and forth through the seam and against her sensitive flesh. She couldn't stand it anymore, and broke the kiss quickly.

"Lay back, Cullen," she whispered out somewhat urgently, pushing on his shoulders. Finally, he did just that to settle at an upward angle against the pillows, and he waited until she'd gotten rid of the rest of her nightgown by tugging it up and over her head to take her arms and pull her down so he could kiss her. Somehow, Aislinn liked the way he'd grabbed her, having gotten the feeling he wouldn't have been content to go without touching her for long in this situation. She returned that kiss, one that was deep and desperate, but it didn't last for long because she knew what they both needed so badly.

So she broke it and lifted her hips over him, whispering, "I need you now, Cullen. Badly."

He needed her just as much, but he had absolutely no thought in his head at that point to form a coherent sentence. Instead, he gripped her hips as she'd lifted them, felt her positioning him, which he looked down to watch, excited just by the sight of it and not enough inhibition left to be embarrassed by it in the least. His fingers had dug into her bare hips without even realizing it, and his eyes shut when she started lowering them over him to take him inside.

He could feel the wet heat of her body begin to engulf him, tight and slick as it stretched across his length, and he almost forgot to breath while also getting the feeling that if she hadn't pleasured him earlier, he might have ended up climaxing much sooner than he should have. She felt too good, better than he could've even hoped for, let alone imagine, becoming more and more buried in her both physically and mentally as her hips sank lower and lower until he was completely wedged within her.

"Ahh...Maker...," he rasped out, finally finding his voice, his chest heaving, head falling back against the pillows, "Aislinn...!"

She'd gripped the headboard just above him to help to steady herself, having slowly lowering her hips down over him as she heard him letting out the breath he'd been holding, her other hand taking one of his, their fingers becoming threaded together tightly. She'd been right about his size, or maybe she just hadn't had sex in too long, but either way, to her, he felt huge in a word. He was definitely filling her up and then some, making her tense and gasp as she pushed downwards a bit further to completely wedge him within her body.

She didn't realize just how badly she'd really wanted this until right at that moment, having him completely filling her up, and it felt _wonderful_.

Finally stilling herself, she let go of the headboard and placed her hand next to him on the pillows, looking at his face. His eyes had been closed, but he'd opened them when she stopped moving, panting and slipping his free hand from her hip and up to her cheek. Aislinn shut her eyes when he touched her face, asking him, "How...how does it...feel?"

Cullen was having the urge to move his own hips, all of it so good that he wasn't even sure what she'd asked him. Finally, he rasped out, "Tight...so hot..."

She could only nod at him, breathing heavily as she adjusted to his size, when he suddenly asked, "You...you're not...hurt?"

"No," she shook her head. "I'm fine. If it's...wrong...I'll say so."

He'd had the feeling she would have, trusting her in that fashion, slipping his hand from her cheek and lower down across her skin, her shoulder and breast, whispering, "So soft," without thought as his hand came to rest on her side. She could see the admiration on his face, and the way he touched her, explored her, made her feel...special, maybe even precious somehow. She'd never felt that way before, and it was driving her crazy. The urge to move only got stronger because of it, and having grown more accustomed to the way he felt within her now, Aislinn didn't stop herself and slowly began to rock her hips forward and back over him.

He grabbed her side suddenly and shut his eyes in response, his hips surging almost of their own accord in reaction, and Aislinn gasped over the movement as she'd lifted her hips only to have him push himself up into her, then slip back out. She let her hips lower afterwards while Cullen could feel her skin sliding over his aching shaft in a tight grip, her muscles squeezing it inside of her. He gritted his teeth in reaction, sucking in a deep breath that he forgot to let back out. Cullen knew it was supposed to be good. While he'd never been with any women before, he'd heard things from all kinds of sources, some of it sounding too over the top to be believable, but others he felt were probably far more accurate.

If this was the normal kind of night a man and a woman had together however, it made what he'd felt was accurate seem like something no one would ever bother wasting their time with doing. Also, if this was run of the mill, he couldn't even imagine how much better it might get for them with some, well, practice as it were. It was liable to be enough to kill him.

"Ahh...Aislinn...!"

She felt him surging his hips forward again as she'd rocked herself on him a little faster, letting a louder gasp out before asking him, "Too fast?"

"No," he rasped out, nearly unable to say anymore, especially when she continued moving. She'd leaned over him, lightly brushing his lips with hers as she rolled her hips, taking him inside of her again and then again. It was so much more than he'd thought, moaning and then murmuring to her without thought, "Ohh...I love you."

She kissed his throat and worked her way down to his collar and across his chest and shoulder, circling her hips a bit faster and as she rested her face in the crook of his neck. Cullen held to her tightly, listened to the sounds she made while replying to them with a few of his own. He was trying his best to control his impulses for her, to let her lead in this, but his hips bucked forward anyway, though he'd noticed she seemed to like it because every time they did, she'd moan hotly, all while his stamina was being heavily tested. This was all so new to him that he couldn't help that, but he didn't want it to be over so soon, not when he'd waited so long. He wanted it to last, and had to grab her hips suddenly to stop her, his body tensing as he fought off his approaching orgasm.

The sudden move to stop her made Aislinn lift her head. Panting and sweeping her copper locks over her shoulder, looking down at him with a little concern on her dazed face, she asked, "What's wrong?"

"It's...too," he tried to think of how to say it, finally breathing out, "I don't want it...over so...fast, love."

The thought sank in and Aislinn nodded in understanding, letting her hips still for him and leaning in to kiss him slowly while reaching up to take his shoulders into her hands. Once she had, she pushed herself back and drew her fingers down across his chest, planting them at his sides. In place and sitting back, she fought her own urges to rock herself over him to give him the time he needed, but it was so tempting to move because of how badly she wanted him. So she did, but more slowly than before, even though she wanted to ride him literally, and gasped when he tensed up beneath her and moaned her name, but she just couldn't stay still.

In fact, it was also his responses that urged her into moving harder than before as well. Aislinn wanted to give him as much pleasure as she could because she wanted him to enjoy this so much, wanted to _see_ him enjoying it. Not to mention she loved how it felt to be with him, loved _him_ completely, and needed to feel him inside of her in that way. But she had to slow back down when he suddenly sat up and pressed his forehead to hers.

"Aislinn...," he groaned out and grabbed her hips by latching an arm around them tightly, "stop."

"I can't...help it..."

He let a low groan of breath when she pushed her hips over him again in a little grind while he'd been holding them down.

"I...I love you...so much...," she added as she fought to move, adding breathlessly, "Please let me do this. I...want you to come for me...I know you're...close."

Cullen steeled himself against the way that had sounded, holding her body tightly to his as she was still trying to move, and without thought, Cullen grabbed her ass with one hand and lifted her up, turning her onto her back, leaning over her on one arm above her shoulders while groaning out, "Not without you, Aislinn."

Everything was gone, all reservation and inhibition, and Cullen held still over her, determined to bring her to a climax with him before he'd find his own, asking, "Are _you_ close?"

His sudden show of dominance had gotten her much closer than she had been, though she wasn't too far from it to begin with, and Aislinn squirmed a bit beneath him as he remained completely still inside of her, panting and nodding her head. The fact that he could be so controlled proved just how he'd managed to survive his imprisonment in the Circle Tower anyway. Somehow, she got the feeling that kind of discipline was going to eventually drive her crazy. It was certainly doing the trick right now.

Catching a breath, she told him, "Yes...please, roll back..."

Aislinn stopped when he pushed his hips forward, having not expected him to completely take the reigns in such a fashion, and she grew still beneath him. He drew back and pushed forward a second time, making her suck in her breath, the new angle hitting deeply inside of her, making her back arch and arms tightening around him, suddenly gasping out, "Ah...harder, Cullen...!" The words had slipped out of her mouth without any thought, but apparently, Cullen liked the sound of it because he'd groaned in response.

He did just that, and though his movements weren't completely skilled, they definitely did the trick, while he was still trusting her to let him know if he did this wrong at all, but so far, all he heard out of her were pleasured sounds. Soon, after a few moments of working into it, having stopped before long enough to get more stamina going, he was moving hard enough to make the bed rock, Aislinn included, and she'd buried her face against his shoulder while trying to stifle herself because she felt like screaming.

The sounds had driven him completely insane.

Aislinn clamped down on him instinctively, close to her own climax, and she knew he wasn't going to last much longer either - she honestly hadn't expected him to last _this_ long, but he'd surprised her. She let her head fall back when the in and out between her thighs became too much to handle, suddenly whimpering his name.

"Oh Maker...Cullen...I'm...," she panted then, suddenly tensing, gasping his name more loudly. Her orgasm had hit her hard, made her much wilder beneath him, grabbing him tightly, her nails scraping along his back just hard enough to leave a few streaks in the wake of the pleasure crashing down on her. She had to bite her lip to keep from screaming, turning to bury her face in the crook of his neck, his name escaping against it.

Cullen instinctively knew that was it, and as he pushed down into her hard, he let himself go, having hung on as long as he could, and the feeling of her writhing beneath him coupled with the way she'd suddenly moaned his name out to him wouldn't let him hold back any longer. He felt himself erupting inside of her wet sex, letting a gruff sounding groan of pleasure from the back of his throat while wrapping her in a tight hold that pinned her completely to him as he spilled himself deep inside of her. The muffled sounds he heard from her made it all seem like another dream to Cullen. He'd wake up any second now and it would all be over with. Except he didn't, and after his pleasure began to fade away, she was still there, clinging to him limply and breathlessly, whimpering against his skin.

Cullen panted, finally growing more lax over her after a few moments while still holding to her tightly. The love he felt for her had exploded in him, and it sounded when he whispered her name. It was in those few moments that he was as content as he'd ever been in his entire life, feeling her completely plastered against himself, and he didn't care what the rest of the world might've thought. He had the woman he loved right there with him, and he would always have her there with him, as long as he was able to hold onto her, enjoying how she was nuzzling his neck and stroking his back in return.

Everything was right. He didn't know how, but he _knew_ it was.

"Cullen," Aislinn whispered after a few moments of silence, "roll over. You're a little bit heavy." She didn't mind, but he'd been holding onto her tightly as well, making it somewhat hard to breathe.

He hadn't even thought of that, too little thought in his mind already, but he summoned what he could of his strength the moment she mentioned it and sat back, pulling her up with him. As he did so, he couldn't resist leaning in to kiss her when she'd looked up at him, feeling a kind of contentment he hadn't had before with her, and when she pushed a little, he laid back, but their mouths never broke contact. She moved a bit so that she was laying half across him, then tugged her mouth from his after a moment and nuzzled the side of his neck again quietly, cuddling herself into him. Cullen closed his eyes, exhaling a deep breath, and then he shifted just a bit and found a completely comfortable position to lay in next to her.

"I love you," he said softly, feeling obligated to remind her of that while she'd tugged the covers up and over them both. "I didn't...think this would be like..."

"I know," she whispered back when he trailed off. "I...it wasn't...like this before. I think it's because of how I feel though, and knowing how you feel about me that makes it so much better."

"That...makes sense," he drew out, trying to ignore a little male pride he'd felt over the thought before looking down at her. That was when she whispered the words 'I love you' back to him, and he took a deep breath and let his head fall against the pillows. After a few moments of silence, thinking everything over, he said softly, "It's...so much better than I thought it would be too."

Aislinn didn't want to move, cuddled into his chest where it was warm, some of the hair on it tickling her cheek. She drew her fingers lightly over a scar she'd noticed he had before that drug mostly across his right pectoral, silvery in color and hidden by the dusting of dark hair there, and she traced it lightly.

After several moments passed, she asked him softly, "Cullen, where did you get this?"

He didn't have to look to know what she was talking about. He could feel where her fingers were tracing, and languidly, he replied, "I was off duty, and a fight broke out in High Town's Market."

"High Town?"

"One of the areas of Kirkwall, it was where the upper class citizens lived." He yawned slightly, then added, "I'd been on my way back to the Docks so I could head to the Gallows when a fight broke out near me. It was between a Templar and a City Guard, so I felt the need to intervene."

Aislinn looked up just a little to see his fairly serene face, eyes closed, and she asked, "The guard cut you?"

"No, actually, the Templar did. He was...well, young, and needed tempering. He'd also been the one to instigate it."

"Huh," Aislinn drew out, honestly surprised to hear that. "Seems like it's always the young ones." She leaned up and turned her head to kiss him there at his scar, and Cullen looked down, watched her, still not completely used to the close contact, though he didn't mind it one bit.

Aislinn wanted to place another kiss there, but she was afraid they'd only get swept up in another round, and while she really wouldn't have minded that, she _did_ need to get some rest.

She was groggy, her eyes closing without her wanting them to, and she whispered out after a few moments, "I love you, Cullen."

"I love you, too," he replied, wondering just _when_ it had become possible for him to say that so freely, but the important thing was that it simply _had_. So he didn't question it. Instead, he asked, "I...didn't hurt you...at all?"

No response.

Cullen opened his eyes and looked down, seeing that Aislinn was completely passed out against him, sleeping peacefully. Maybe he really hadn't if she'd fallen asleep so swiftly. He drew his hand up and stroked his fingers across her jaw, watching her for a moment as he realized exactly what was going on. He'd come to a place with her that he hadn't particularly thought he ever would and, that if he did, he felt would be completely wrong anyhow.

If that was so, then why did he feel as if he might have finally come home in a sense?

His head fell back against the pillows again, staring into space groggily while trying to figure it out, but nothing could've felt more right to him than laying there with her, with Aislinn Amell, cuddled up against him sleeping soundly while he stroked her hair without even thinking about it.

If there was a night he never wanted to end, this was it. He fell asleep thinking that, and slept soundly. He didn't have a single dream that night that he could remember when he woke up with her still snuggled up tightly next to him instead of waking to an empty bed like had always awaited him, proving that the previous evening had been no dream at all.

The best thing of all was that he had no regrets when he woke up like he thought he might if he were to ever get the chance to be with Aislinn. He was content.


	33. New Arrival

_XXXIII. New Arrival_

Morning light started shining in on the couple sleeping so soundly together, wrapped up in the blankets with their limbs in a slight tangle. The fire in the wood stove across from the end of the bed had burned out long before then, letting a chill into the room, but it didn't penetrate the covers under which they were laying. There, it remained completely warm.

Cullen was the first to open his eyes, taking in a breath that smelled like honey, something he couldn't figure out until more reality hit him and he saw the copper locks of hair fanned out across the pillow before him and realized that his lips had been lightly resting against Aislinn's forehead as he'd slept. When he lifted his head slowly, she leaned her own in with a soft murmur and took up the space beneath his chin, and that made him smile groggily.

He couldn't bring himself to move at all. He also remembered the previous evening, and felt no shame for what they'd done at all. He'd half questioned whether or not it was a dream however, but when he woke to see her laying there just then, he knew it had all been real. He'd always wanted to awaken and have her there with him, and now that he did, his fantasies hadn't done the experience justice. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so peacefully either, without one hint of a dream, at least, that he could remember, and he drew his hand up her back and down again, soaking up the moments he had alone with her and enjoying them.

As he did this, Cullen thought about how he was surprised at how soft she actually was, how small and warm she felt against him, little things he hadn't really even thought he would've noticed before. It was nice, learning all of this about her after so long, holding her, and briefly, he idly wondered when they next might be able to make love again, though he didn't put importance in the thought because he knew discretion was going to be needed no matter how much he'd come to yearn for her in that fashion. Besides, he was perfectly content just to hold her.

He knew they both needed to get up however, and he got himself motivated before saying her name gently, reaching to her shoulder to stroke it. He hated to disturb her, but there seemed to be some kind of enjoyment in just being able to simply do so. Would she wake easily, or fight it?

"Aislinn," he started, "it's morning."

"No it's not," she grumbled back quietly.

His smile grew, "It is. You should get up."

"Not yet," she replied and snuggled into him more tightly. Letting a soft sigh in response, Cullen pushed his fingers through her hair and held her there. Why he'd never even thought of how good this might feel, he wasn't certain, but then again, he was glad he hadn't, otherwise it would have hurt him even worse not to have it. Now that he did though, he loved every second of it, and placed a kiss to her temple affectionately.

But he knew he'd fall asleep again as well if they didn't get up, so he held her against himself and pushed up slowly until he was sitting with her and she was letting another early morning groan of disappointment and protest. It was chilly above the covers with the fire having died during the night, and Aislinn looked up at Cullen groggily and frowned at him. "Can't we just pretend to sleep in?"

She definitely wasn't a morning person, he could see easily, shaking his head at her slowly. "You have to be up to help the Teryna, she may already be needing you for something."

"I...I know," she sighed out. "But you're nice and warm and it's cold," she groaned, sounding altogether pathetic. Aislinn couldn't help it though. She'd slept so well that she didn't want to rouse at all.

So this was what it was like to try to get her out of bed, he thought with a good bit of amusement. "If you're cold, I can start a fire," he told her plainly.

"No," she shook her head, holding onto him. "Stay right here. I'm waking up, I just...need a minute. I slept good last night, it's got me sleepy still." She let out a yawn as she finished that sentence, making her words sound a little strange at the end, and once she was done, she sighed and then added, "Actually, I haven't slept that good in a long time."

"I'd thought the same thing," he replied. "I don't even remember dreaming."

"That's because you didn't need to," she replied with a snicker over the silly comment, looking up with a playfully sleepy expression. She heard him let a soft snort of breath through his nose, and then she forced herself to sit back while dragging the sheet with her since she was still nude, frowning over having to get up again.

"Oh Maker," she muttered out, reaching up to rub her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just can't believe how groggy I am, how hard it's being to wake myself up." As if to prove it, she let another yawn out and covered her mouth. "I'm tempted to cast a rejuvenation spell on myself just to help."

Somehow, that amused him, but he supposed it would work anyway. "There's one thing I _do_ want to get up for," he mentioned, hoping to motivate her a little more.

"What's that?," she asked, looking up at him.

"Breakfast."

That was a good point, but Aislinn bit her lip when she thought about her response before she said it, "Yes, we worked up quite an appetite last night, didn't we?" She couldn't help herself, and when she saw him blushing, she grinned and leaned in to hug him tightly as she asked him, "What?"

Cullen grumbled softly, glad the covers were around her chest in that moment because if she'd hugged him like that naked, he probably would've gotten more aroused than he would've cared to really have to deal with in that moment. Instead, it was manageable without any lustful thoughts popping into his head, and he replied, "Nothing."

"Uh huh," she drew out blandly. "You know you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your performance last night was...," she looked up and gave him and slow, pleased smile, "let's just say I was surprised."

"Why?," he asked before he could think better of it.

"Well," she shrugged, "uh...the amount of time it lasted. I honestly...thought it would have been over more quickly. The fact that it wasn't was _very_ nice."

Now he really _was_ blushing, but he looked more intrigued than mortified, although he _did_ look embarrassed. "Then...not all men...uh, _last_ long?"

"Not their first time anyway," she pointed out, "for...obvious reasons I suppose. But I do feel the need to praise you, but I'm scared if I do, you'll shy away from me."

"I...," he started, then cleared his throat, "no...I..."

As he'd trailed, Aislinn smirked at him and then leaned up to kiss his cheek, saying, "It's okay, I love you, and that's more important, whether you shy away for me from some well deserved praise or not." Then she smirked and added playfully, "But you were amazing."

Cullen _did_ shy away then, reaching up to cover his face with his hand while rubbing his eyes. He heard her snickering softly and felt her kissing his cheek a second time just before turning and climbing out of the bed with the sheets wrapped around her. She slipped into her slippers and then went over to the wood stove, the chill in the air having awoken her completely at that point, and she opened the door on the metal stove and then lit her hand on fire with magic so she could relight it and hopefully knock a little chill out of the room.

Cullen watched her, seeing that she'd put the sheet around herself more than likely because it was so cold, and he had no complaints about it at all. He still had his pants on, had never taken them off the evening before, so he wouldn't have to worry much if he needed to suddenly get up. But he watched Aislinn while she started gathering whatever clothing she could find, tossing his tunic over to him if he wanted it, and then went to grab some clothing from her satchel as well as tuck her nightgown back into it. Doing so one handed as she held her sheet around herself was a bit of a challenge, but she got it finished and hurried behind the changing screen.

Cullen was busy getting himself out of the bed by then when he suddenly heard her saying, "I know they'll have some food ready for us, but there _is_ still some salted pork in my satchel that will go bad if it's not eaten soon."

"We should probably take care of that then," Cullen replied, though he wasn't certain how good salted pork might be for breakfast, that was, until she told him her next line.

"There's not much, just three slices. We'd have room for a little more whenever they serve food in the dining hall. May as well go ahead and eat it."

She'd stepped out from behind the changing screen by the time she'd finished those words. Wearing a sky blue robe with silver trimmings and a sash tied loosely around her hips, and went back to her satchel to pull the wrapping out that contained the food. She then looked over to see that Cullen had already gotten the robe of his uniform on and was laying out a few pieces of his armor so that he could get it into place, and she idly wondered if he'd be anymore willing to let her help him dress - or even undress - now or not. Instead of asking, she put the food on the stove in order to let it cook up, and then turned around and stepped in behind him before she took the straps at the back of his chest plate without his notice and began to fasten them.

Cullen looked back, having not expected the sudden help, but he didn't turn it down either. Instead, he stood there, letting her work for a moment until she was done, grabbing one of his gloves and fitting it on over his arm. Once he felt her finishing up, he turned around and gave Aislinn a small smile, but noticed something, alerting her, "The food is burning."

"What?," she asked, suddenly looking over to see a little of the pork was starting to turn black, gasping as she got to the stove and tugged it out of the heat. As she did this, she grumbled out the words, "Oh Maker, I never was a good cook."

Cullen couldn't help feeling amused over it, tugging his opposite glove on and considered how mages always had meals cooked for them in Circles, so he wasn't surprised by her lack of culinary skill. He looked up from his glove when he was done to see Aislinn placing the pork into a little pan that was attached to the side of the stove and she snagged a piece for herself because she actually was fairly hungry.

As she was chewing and before she could offer a slice to Cullen, someone started knocking on the door - and fairly urgently.

"Messere!," came a young woman's voice. "Are you awake?"

The knocking persisted and Aislinn turned around and went over to the door, answering it to find a young woman standing on the other side. "Yes, I just woke up a short time ago, what's wrong?"

"The Teryna's gone into labor, Messere, she needs your help!"

"Oh!," Aislinn shot out suddenly, blinking her eyes in surprise. "Well that was fast." Aislinn could see how excited the girl was in a nervous, worried way, so she calmly told her, "Hurry back and let her know I'm on my way first. _Then_," she enunciated, "I want you to make sure the servants have water and blankets on hand, alright?"

"Yes, my lady, I will," the girl nodded and turned around to run off. Aislinn didn't bother shutting the door, leaving it cracked and open as she turned around and went toward one of her satchels, tugging it up.

Cullen hadn't expected Rianne to go into labor so soon himself, a little surprised at the young girl's visit just now stating as much, and he asked Aislinn, "Is there anything you need from me?"

"I don't know yet," Aislinn replied, looking over at him and adding, "I'll let you know if I think of something, but...actually, yes." She amended her words mid-sentence and snapped her fingers as she had a thought. "You and Dreyan could make certain no one but Milus and only _one_ other person Rianne wants are in the room with her. Don't let anyone else in. She's so small I worry about the trouble she might have without all of the people coming about."

Cullen gave her a nod, and Aislinn stepped over and put out the fire in the wood stove, then went back to her satchel which had a few books in it and she tugged it up and over her shoulder casually. He was surprised she wasn't tripping over her own two feet, but he supposed this was because she was a devoted healer, and had experience handling these types of things. Just as soon as he'd had the thought, Trista came into the room with Dreyan not far behind her.

Aislinn looked over to see them both and gave them a nod, getting started without beating around the bush by asking, "Did they wake you?"

"Yes, they did," Trista replied, heading in behind her teacher as she walked to the door. "I certainly wasn't expecting for this to be the first thing I heard today either."

Aislinn chuckled, knowing the feeling, and they all made their way up to the Teryna's room to find that Milus and another, younger man with blonde hair who looked like a younger version of the Teryn, were standing outside of the door to Rianne's chambers. Milus looked over and smiled in relief when he saw them, saying, "Well, good morning for starters."

Aislinn smirked, replying once she got closer, "Yes, good morning, Teryn. How long has she been in pain?"

Considering it, Milus replied, "She told me she started feeling pains not too long before sunrise, so maybe two hours. She said she felt fine though, the pains not severe and far apart like you'd told her they would start off being. Her mother is with her right now, and she wanted you to get as much rest as you could before bringing you up."

"Oh dear, that sounds like her," Aislinn replied with a soft sigh through a little smile. "Well, I've asked a favor be done that no one but you and one other person be allowed into the Chamber at Rianne's discretion."

"What?," the younger man, who Aislinn knew as Cambry, the Teryn's son, asked at that point.

Aislinn continued as if he hadn't spoken, saying, "Because she's so small, it _could_ be harder on her than usual, and a bunch of people wandering in and out is only going to make it harder. I want her focused on her labor, not on others."

"Sounds reasonable," Milus nodded, then he looked at Cambry and added, "you help to make sure of that son."

Cambry looked slighted over that request, and Milus gave his son a look, "Cambry, you'll get to see the babe soon after it's born."

Cambry looked at Aislinn then, and Aislinn knew that wanting to be with Rianne during the labor wasn't the young man's reason for wishing to be in there. He was more concerned with what the _mages_ might do, probably trying to find any kind of fuel for the fire that he could. In fact, Aislinn wondered if Doyle had told _him_ about the incident in the woods. Probably. She didn't return any kind of gaze to the young man though, only let his father deal with him for now.

"Yes, Father," Cambry replied, giving the man room to head back into the chamber. Milus nodded and patted Cambry's shoulder, then turned around to head inside of the room, leaving his son with the Templars for the moment.

Aislinn followed behind him, as did Trista, who heard Cambry saying to her, "You make sure you watch yourself," too quietly for anyone else to hear.

As the door shut behind her, Trista pursed her lips, then scoffed and rolled her eyes. She didn't even bother repeating it to Aislinn for the moment. She was just grateful he wasn't going to be in the room for the delivery.

"What was that?," came Cullen's voice from behind Cambry after the door had shut.

Cambry spun around and looked up to see Cullen and Dreyan standing there only a few feet away, and he cleared his throat, "What?"

"What did you just say to her?," Dreyan repeated for Cullen, his voice leaving no room for denial of the question.

"I told her to make sure to watch out for Rianne of course, that's what," Cambry replied, straightening out his tunic as if completely justified.

"Of course," Cullen replied, and though Dreyan knew his voice lacked the proper inflection to show he'd been properly convinced, Cambry didn't know that. The boy was about a foot and a half shorter than he was, and half a foot shorter than Dreyan, with light blonde hair and a fair complexion. He was, by most standards, what someone might call a pretty boy, and gave off the air that he probably worried more about the ladies who might be interested in him and social gatherings than any matter his father might've put stock in.

After a moment, Cambry waved a hand at the door and asked the two Templars, "Aren't you two going in there with them?"

"No, we're standing watch here," Cullen replied.

Cambry eyed them both, following their response with the question, "How can you watch the mages if they're in the room with my stepmother?"

Cullen finally looked over at the young man, having simply taken up his station on one side of the door in the meantime, and asked in response, "You don't agree that your stepmother's condition is a bit too delicate to have many people wandering in and out? Do you think she would want two members of the Order standing watch inside while she delivers a newborn baby?"

Cambry pursed his lips and sighed. He didn't look convinced however, just like Doyle usually acted. Cullen said no more to him though, not needing to give an explanation, and he felt it would do better without one anyway. He just folded his arms over his chest and stood there with Dreyan, wondering how things might go inside.

But before much longer could pass, a few people rounded the corner down the hallway, two servants walking with a Chantry Sister wearing her robes, and she came walking toward them without question, asking, "Cambry? I heard it's time."

"Sister Adra, yes," Cambry nodded in reply, looking happy to see the young Sister. "She has. Everyone is in now, helping her to deliver."

"Why are you out here?," the Sister then asked. She glanced over and saw Cullen and Dreyan standing on either side of the doorway, and looked back at Cambry as he told why he was in the hallway.

"The mage my Father sent for thinks it's necessary not to let anyone into the room but my father and her mother during the labor."

"I see," the Sister nodded, while Cullen wondered if Cambry was trying to issue some kind of formal complaint to the Sister without it seeming like one. On the other hand, he wondered since when he'd become so suspicious of the Clergy, but he felt completely justified after everything Marleyna had showed him. Either way, the woman turned to look at the Templars then, asking, "Certainly a Priest of the Chantry is allowed to be inside during the labor to offer a blessing to the new Mother and the child coming, Ser?"

Cullen had no means of denying the woman that, and he and Dreyan both knew as much. So did Cambry. Not that Cullen _wanted_ to deny her access, but he _was_ aware of the potential for problems to arise out of this. Still, he shook his head in the negative and reached over to the door for her. "Of course not, Sister."

"Thank you, Ser," Adra replied and went to the door, stepping inside of the room quietly while letting Cullen shut it for her. Once she was inside, she saw Rianne, a small woman with long blonde hair that was currently tied up into a bun on her head, leaning up on several pillows, her swollen stomach showing under the white material of the nightgown she wore and the blanket she had over her lower body. Milus was settled at her side in a chair, and an older, silver haired woman who was even smaller than Rianne was stood near the dresser, asking the mother-in-the-making a question.

"Darling, did you want the blue ones? They're fuzzy and warmer than the white socks are."

"Yes, Mother," Rianne replied softly, having a moment of reprieve from her contractions. She'd then looked over to see Adra and smiled at her, "Oh, hello Sister Adra. I'm glad you came."

Aislinn was standing at the vanity and folding a few blankets to prepare for the birth while Trista had a bowl of water she'd moved to the wood stove in the room in order to warm the water up a bit, keeping a close eye on it to make sure it didn't get too hot. As soon as Aislinn heard Rianne making those comments, she glanced over to see the Sister heading toward the bed, leaning in to check on her, and she looked back to Trista and pursed her lips with a knowing look.

Trista smiled and glanced back down at the bowl of water, testing it again. "Do you think Cambry...?," Trista asked on a soft whisper.

"Uh huh," Aislinn replied nonspecifically, knowing that Trista was asking if Cambry had been the one to do this. He probably had. He'd probably gone to the Sister the moment he caught wind that his father was going to send for Aislinn's help again, as Adra had been present constantly every time Aislinn had been around and about. In fact, Aislinn had just been thinking to herself not a moment before the door opened that she'd wondered where Adra had been hiding at.

That was when she heard Adra asking, "I wanted to give you a blessing to help with the pain of labor."

Why that sounded so arrogant to Aislinn, she wasn't completely sure. Rianne was about to squeeze a baby through a hole about ten times smaller than it was, so a blessing probably wasn't going to ease her labor pains any. Magic, though, _that_ could be useful.

But Rianne accepted the blessings of course, and Aislinn went walking back over to the mother-to-be, carrying two folded linens which she placed on the bed next to the woman so she could grab them easily if she needed them. Trista had taken the water and filled it into a sack made out of animal skins before sealing it shut, and then took another linen and wrapped the sack up in it neatly, saying, "Messere, your heating pack is ready."

"Oh good," Rianne smiled, and Trista walked over, waiting for the Sister to move out of the way, which she finally did. Milus stood up as well and Trista and Aislinn helped after he'd walked over to where the Sister was standing to get Rianne to sit forward just a bit. Trista put the pack behind Rianne's lower back, and they let her lay back completely again, when she sighed softly.

"That feels better already." Rianne smiled and following that, she looked at her mother and let the older lady pull the blankets down so she could put the blue socks on her feet.

As this went on, Rianne's mother said, "You two girls are so well prepared for this. I honestly thought ladies so young might be highly daunted by the prospect of delivering a baby."

"Well, this is my fifth delivery," Aislinn replied, "and Trista is my student, Messere, but thank you so much. I want it to be easy on Rianne."

"Ohh, five deliveries?"

"Did you use magic?"

Aislinn looked up when the question about magic was asked by Sister Adra, and she got the feeling this might become a problem. But Aislinn didn't lie, saying, "Yes, I did. Mostly to ease the mother's pains a bit when it was necessary, but also to help her feel refreshed."

The Sister didn't make a verbal response, but it was clear to Aislinn that she either wanted to, or she wasn't content in general. Still, Rianne vouched for her, saying, "Aislinn's taken good care of me so far. I know she'll do a fine job with Trista in helping to deliver the baby."

Suddenly, Rianne started tensing up only a moment or two after she'd said that, right when the Sister was about to speak, which interrupted her completely. She sat forward just a bit, and Trista leaned down to latch an arm behind Rianne to help her to sit forward a bit, while Aislinn stayed within her line of sight and told her, "Remember to breathe, Rianne." It was the only time Aislinn would ever be so casual with the lady. She was giving birth after all, the last thing she needed was to feel as if she had to act properly by being called Teryna or some other formal title.

"This one's worse than the rest," Rianne rushed out between her breathing, her mother settling on the opposite side of Trista next to her daughter to help.

"That's good," Aislinn replied to Rianne optimistically. "It means the babe's right on schedule, ready to meet everyone." She gave Rianne her sweetest smile of encouragement, also saying, "You're breathing is perfect too, keep going just like that."

Rianne tried to smile, but she was in just a bit too much pain to manage to pull it off completely, and Aislinn reached up with a wet clothe she'd had at the bedside to wipe over the woman's forehead because she'd started to sweet with this one. A few more moments of this passed, and finally Rianne began to relax.

"Oh...," she drew out, settling back against the pillows again, "Oh my. Maker, this is starting to get hard."

"Just like we discussed, right?"

"Sadly, yes," Rianne breathed out with a slight attempt at a chuckle.

Aislinn continued smiling at her, but a thought had popped into her head, and honestly, it'd been in and out of it since she'd entered the Teryna's chambers. She'd considered that these kinds of things were brought on by activities like what she'd taken part in that last night - an event she didn't let herself imagine because it would've put her into a daze. But she hadn't been _completely_ prepared for sleeping with Cullen in that, there was a chance, she could have become pregnant. Honestly, she wasn't sure if it was a completely compelling thought or not. The situation, after all, wasn't the best one that could be provided to a child.

That had nothing to do with Cullen though, and everything to do with the Chantry and the fact that she was a mage. Aislinn would have to take steps to hopefully prevent it from happening whenever she was able, since she knew a spell that would help to prevent it though it wasn't _always_ successful, but for now, she had to put Rianne first in her thoughts.

Meanwhile, she wondered how Cullen might've been outside of the room, and whether or not he'd even thought of the fact that he could've gotten her pregnant or not. She hoped not. At least, not until she was there to talk about it with him. Otherwise, he might come to regret their being together completely, and Aislinn couldn't help but to consider that kind of regret would probably break her heart.

Outside of the room, things were very quiet. A few servants walked into the room and left again at random, coming and going with needed items, and well wishers such as family dropped by, sometimes trying to gain entrance, but that was about it. Hawke came by when he heard, but he definitely didn't try to go inside of the room. He'd only walked up with Bethany once to find out if what they'd heard was accurate, and Cullen got the feeling that if it weren't for his sister, he wouldn't have come up at all. He did what the rest of the family was doing at the Templar's suggestions though and waited downstairs, many of the people there in the main hall.

Cambry stayed outside as well, as if he didn't want to spend a single second any further away than he had to. At one point, Milus came out and reported that everything was going absolutely fine to them, but he got called back in when Rianne apparently had a pain and wanted him, letting everyone know it by yelling his name much more loudly than anyone had thought the small woman was capable of. Milus wasted no time in getting back to her.

Aside from that, things were surprisingly peaceful, that was, until lunchtime rolled around.

Aislinn and Trista took turns with a little reprieve not long before then, both of them famished from having to skip over breakfast. A servant had brought plates of food up for them, including the Templars, and each mage left the room long enough to get a little food between Rianne's contractions, feeling as if it would be rude to eat in front of her whenever she was trying to deliver a baby.

Things were quiet up until they both went back into the room. That's when it all began to get exciting.

Cullen realized something that he hadn't considered before when Aislinn went back into Rianne's chambers, and he wasn't exactly sure how he felt about it. Like Aislinn had wondered about, he'd realized that she could have gotten pregnant the evening before. He was glad Dreyan and Cambry weren't paying him any attention because he was sure the look on his face was one akin to someone just suddenly running out and telling him that Rianne was having _his_ baby.

Why had he not thought of this before? Why had it taken so long for him to even consider that Aislinn could have gotten pregnant? Of course, it wasn't as if Cullen had ever made a practice of sleeping with women, so he wasn't _completely_ sure what he should've done to protect against such a thing. But he had always thought things through and made sure he considered _all_ of the ramifications of his actions before he made them, so it was disconcerting to him that he hadn't with something as important as this was. But for now, he decided he'd have to let that go because the bigger issue was that the deed was done and she _could_ now be with child.

If she did turn up in such a state, well, his feelings were...mixed. It actually got him to feel a good bit unsettled in stark contrast to the way he'd felt that morning. Before his mind could go over the matter much further however, the door opened and the brief sound of Rianne's painful cries were heard, and Cullen looked back to see Adra walking out of the Chamber.

"Ser," she spoke once the door was shut and looked over at Cullen. "Which one of you is the higher rank?"

"I'm the Commander, my name's Cullen," Cullen replied to the Sister.

With a nod, she told him, "Well, Ser Cullen, I'm not certain you know of this, but your mages are using magic to aide in the birthing process."

Adra didn't look happy. In fact, she looked downright upset. But this was because she'd mentioned this same thing to the mages in the room, told Aislinn the first moment Aislinn used any type of spell on Rianne the words, "I don't think this is necessary. The mother's doing fine on her own. Are you sure this is...safe?"

Aislinn hadn't stopped herself from casting the spell though, didn't pay the Sister any mind, and only looked at Rianne to make sure she was alright. Once Rianne confirmed that she felt a good bit better, Aislinn _then_ turned around and walked over to the Sister. Adra hadn't expected her to do that, but she waited patiently as Aislinn came to a stop and looked at her, saying plainly and clearly, though softly enough that only Adra could hear exactly what she thought about everything.

"Sister, I respect your views, and your need to look out for Rianne's well being. But questioning the way things are being done _now_ is only going to make Rianne doubt whether or not she's strong enough or even in good enough hands to make it through this. I respectfully _refuse_ to change my tactics _now_ of all times. After all, a General does not call his men over in the middle of a battlefield because he thinks his current strategy is a bit flawed for example. He would be overthrown in no time at all. So I will consider your views," a pause before enunciating, "_when_ the time is right. But for now, things will have to continue on as normal."

Aislinn didn't allow the blonde haired Sister the time to respond, and instead she'd just walked back over to the laboring mother in order to resume her duties in both caring for her and teaching Trista how to do the same thing. Adra knew she _couldn't_ argue either, this _wasn't_ the time, but she hadn't wasted any time in going to the door and leaving the room to consult the Templars outside after the little confrontation.

Cullen hadn't known specifically that Aislinn was going to be using magic, but he'd assumed it because it almost felt like a given, and he also felt that her magic would give her an advantage in making the delivery successful. Mages who were midwives weren't an uncommon thing after all, though the Chantry sometimes disallowed them to use magic whenever it came to the birthing process, some superstitious that the child might be born with a defect or maybe become a mage later because of it, though in recent years those kinds of superstitions had become archaic even amongst the Clergy.

Apparently though, Adra was of that kind of mentality, and Cullen told her, "Yes, I'd known as much." Since he'd suspected Aislinn was going to use magic, he didn't feel he was lying to the Sister. Besides, now wasn't the time to be making a big deal of this anyway. Not when he could tell from Rianne's sporadic yells that she was close to delivering.

But that didn't stop Adra from asking, "Yet you're allowing it without being there to supervise?"

Cullen couldn't help but raise a brow over his eye at the Sister, then give Dreyan a look. Dreyan shrugged, and Cullen turned his head back to Adra and asked somewhat hesitantly, "You...you're suggesting we go in...while the Teryna's giving birth?" Suddenly, Cullen had the idea that maybe Cambry's hatred of mages had just been ingrained into him from the Priests in this particular area considering the way she was suggesting the same thing which Cambry had earlier.

Adra sighed in reply, admitting, "No, I suppose not. But it still surprises me that you'd allow this kind of thing to go on."

That was when Dreyan chimed in with the words, "Commander, may I speak?"

"Of course, Captain."

With a nod, Dreyan looked at Adra and said, "Sister, the First Enchanter has delivered children before, one in the Circle where I'm posted, an emergency where I had to assist her in the birth. She's very skilled and responsible with her magic, and I myself didn't feel the need to advise the Commander any differently in this allowance."

Adra eyed him curious for just a moment. "You're Ser Dreyan, aren't you?," she asked.

"Yes, Sister," he replied. "I think you may know me from when you were an initiate here."

"Oh yes, I thought you looked familiar. You've always–," and suddenly Adra stopped because a yell was heard from inside of the room, actually, a scream. Rianne was in the middle of pushing the baby out, though neither of them were completely certain of this. The sound made Adra gasp and look at the door quickly, then turn wide blue eyes at the Templars.

"She must be in the middle of the actual birthing," Dreyan replied calmly.

Adra nodded slowly as if she might not have been completely certain, dumbfounded by the way it had sounded, and then another yell was heard, drawing her attention from Dreyan and back at the door.

Cambry, who'd been standing there the entire time listening as Adra questioned the Templars in their duties, suddenly snapped out, "They could be killing her right now!"

Adra flinched a bit, completely uncertain until she heard her name being spoken. "Sister Adra," Dreyan started completely calmly, ignoring Cambry's angry outburst, and Adra looked over at him as he asked her, "have you ever been about when a woman was delivering?"

"Well, no," she shook her head at him.

"Well," Dreyan replied, "believe me, the sound is warranted if she's in delivery right now."

Adra sighed, and Cambry shook his head. "Those yells might _not_ be her delivery. How can you two be so certain?"

As if to slap him in the face, the sudden wails of a baby crying were heard, as well as happy sobbing from the mother, though if it was Rianne or her own mother was questionable, and Dreyan let out a little sigh before replying, "That's how."

Cullen was glad for Dreyan's experience with childbirth just then, deciding he'd have to allocate a raise in pay for him somehow or another. He continued to stand there calmly with the man though while Adra went back to the door like she might've wanted to be there to bless the child the moment it was born. Dreyan cringed as she went through the door though because he knew that like clockwork...

Adra suddenly spun around and left again, her face displaying her uneasiness with the situation she'd just witnessed, and Dreyan shook his head when she wasn't looking. He knew she'd likely just seen the newborn who was still sopping from its mother's womb, and Adra had always been a little squeamish from what he remembered of her before. Prim and proper, and easily made ill. A life in a Monastery or a Chantry had always been well suited to her in his opinion.

"I'll just wait out here," she said suddenly, going to take a place near Cambry, who looked at her in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing!," she rushed out, shaking her head. "They just need to finish up."

Cullen glanced over at Dreyan quietly to see that the man looked annoyed, and he couldn't blame him. Adra wasn't exactly a shining example of what the Chantry had to offer from the looks of it. But for now, he let it all go and just waited. It wasn't long before the doors opened up and family was allowed in to see the newborn either, and eventually, Aislinn and Trista left the room when all had been taken care of. The Teryna gave birth to a baby girl as it turned out, completely healthy, and Rianne named her Tristlinn after the two mages who'd helped to make the delivery so successful.

Both Aislinn and Trista thought that was very creative as well as made a pretty name, though they both told her she definitely didn't need to do that. Rianne argued that she knew they were merely being humble, but she wanted to name the baby Tristlinn, and Milus agreed that the name had a nice ring to it. So Tristlinn it was.

Trista had grinned over it as they'd left the room, thinking it was sweet. Aislinn, on the other hand, seemed off somehow. She looked a little pale when she'd left the room, and the sight of her had Cullen worried. As they began to walk down the corridor and take the stairs, she told them she needed to get some fresh air and be alone for a little while, but Cullen refused her.

Aislinn mentioned this as they'd reached the main hall and Cullen replied with the words, "If you need to be alone, that's fine, but only with one of us around considering the circumstances."

Aislinn seemed reluctant, but she'd nodded and said, "Very well. I just want to go to the courtyard for some fresh air."

"Very well, Dreyan, stay with Trista."

"Yes, Ser," Dreyan replied, watching as the two walked off. Once they were gone, Dreyan looked at Trista and asked her, "Do you know what's wrong?"

"No," Trista shook her head back at him, "she hasn't mentioned anything."

Aislinn went through the front doors and outside, walking to the side of the courtyard where a few pillars stood against the wall and hay was stacked between some of them. No one was out there at that time, just a few chickens here or there and the snow that was still laying about, everyone too busy inside trying to get news of the Teryna's delivery to be busy with much work. Cullen let Aislinn move ahead because he was uncertain at first just how much space she might've needed, but then he decided that was silly and simply walked over to her. She'd come to a stop in the corner of the wall behind one of the pillars that left a good bit of the courtyard out of sight except for the portion that led in the direction of the Stables, and he stopped not too far away, giving her a concerned look.

Aislinn saw it, and she told him softly, "I'm sorry, I just needed some fresh air."

"Hiding in a corner?," he asked uncertainly.

"The air's just as good here as anywhere else," Aislinn replied with a little shrug of her shoulders. Looking away, she added more seriously, "But I just...wasn't feeling well."

"Why? Did something in the chamber make you feel ill?" He had to ask that. Aislinn had never struck him as the squeamish type after all.

"No," she shook her head. "Not in the way you're suggesting anyway. It was just the thought that...," she hesitated, then shook her head. "Nevermind."

The look on his face told her that he wasn't going to just nevermind it all, and she let a little groan of breath out in return. She kicked her foot at the ground, knocking up what little snow was laying in the corner where she stood, and told him, "I don't think I can talk about it, Cullen, I'll just end up crying."

"Crying?," he asked her. Then he narrowed his brows, "Did the Sister upset you?"

"Well, not in so many ways, though she was grating at points. I had to stop myself from laughing when she ran out of the room as I was cleaning Tristlinn off of the blood and preparing her cord to be cut. But no, it has nothing to do with her. Just the...the baby was so small and helpless I guess."

The way she'd said that, Cullen suddenly looked a little more enlightened, and he said on a very soft tone of voice, "This is because you realize you could...be with...carrying my...my child, isn't it?"

Already her eyes were watering up at the thoughts she'd been having, but she fought the tears back down and focused on the fact that apparently, Cullen had realized she could have gotten pregnant after last night. With a slow, deep breath, she stubbornly told him, "No," but she knew he wouldn't believe it because even _she_ didn't believe what she'd heard coming out of her mouth.

So with a sigh, she admitted, "Yes. I'm...I didn't even think about it before, and I _should_ have. I'm so sorry about that. I just...last night...I wasn't thinking. But today, when I realized it, I guess just seeing Rianne holding her baby and how happy she was with her just...and knowing what might happen if I..." Aislinn couldn't say more or she knew she'd end up crying.

Everything suddenly changed. Cullen realized while Aislinn was trying to speak that it wasn't because she might've been pregnant that she was so upset, but because she could have been and she was a mage. After all, no mage was allowed to keep their child. Perhaps the knowledge that she could become pregnant had put the delivery into a new perspective for her, and in fact, it put a new perspective on things for Cullen as well. Without even considering it, the first thought in his head had been _if __**anyone**__ ever tried to take one of my children away from me I'd make certain they_...and he'd stopped himself.

Somehow, it was the most natural thing in the world for him to think of any prospective child in such a manner, Chantry dictation or not that the child had to be taken away. Despite his dedication to the Order, the way he'd tried to serve the Chantry before, this was something he could never allow to happen. Should she get pregnant because of last night's affair, there would be no way in Thedas that he'd ever be able to break himself away from her or allow their child to be taken from either of them.

This wasn't completely because of a personal bias toward Aislinn, and not even the fact that the child would be his either. It was because he disagreed with the practice to begin with.

It was a problem, and one he could tell bothered her deeply. Why shouldn't it have? "Aislinn," Cullen said while stepping in closer to her. She didn't fight him off as he stepped in either, let him put his hands onto her shoulders. Once he had, he said, "It's just as much my thoughtlessness as yours. I didn't even consider it until you'd been with the Teryna for a while."

Aislinn listened, then breathed deeply with her considerations in mind. "It seems as if...," she started, and then trailed while gathering her thoughts, finally saying, "last night was somewhat sporadic in a way. Neither of us were thinking too much. We just wanted something. We wanted to just be with one another."

"I don't regret it."

That line made her look up at him, that one line eradicating her fears that he might've changed his mind about being with her, though her face was still sorrowful. She could tell he'd meant what he'd said though, and she was a little surprised at his reaction to all of this. Her eyes were red from fighting tears, and she took in a breath and told him honestly, "I don't either. But...there _is_ a spell that can help to ensure that I'm not, though it doesn't always work. I thought I should tell you of it though."

The look on his face suggested he didn't like the idea just as she'd considered he probably wouldn't have, and he shook his head, saying sternly, "No. If you do end up...," he trailed, but didn't say the words, knowing she'd understand his meaning, "it's something we'll have to stand up to."

Aislinn had the feeling he would say that too, and it both made her happy as well as saddened her. Sucking in another deep breath, she looked down and whispered, "But if I...am...I...won't...," she balled her fists up and even more quietly whispered out, "they would take the child away, Cullen. _You_ would be ordered to since the duty falls to the highest rank."

"You really think I'd perform that duty, Aislinn? To _you_, when I knew the child was _ours_?," Cullen asked her, feeling a little more comfortable with the thought of a child the more he considered it despite the trouble it would bring up. But suddenly, she broke on a sob and buried her face in her hands unexpectedly, throwing Cullen a little off balance.

"I should've thought about it," she rasped out. "But it's not fair."

It wasn't, and Cullen knew it wasn't. He'd never agreed with the practice, even after the incidents in the Circle Tower, never agreed with the idea of stripping a parent of their child and vice versa. Even though he didn't trust mages, even though he didn't like their powers, there was just something _wrong_ with the thought of stealing a child from a parent who wanted it and wanted to love it, no matter if the parent was a mage, or just a citizen who's child had began to show signs of magical ability. Maleficarum was a different story, but regular mages within a Circle didn't deserve such treatment.

He pulled her into a hug as she'd started to cry and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Stop, love," he whispered softly. "If you do end up carrying, we'll tell Marleyna. She's understanding, and we'd find a way to make it work."

Cullen couldn't help but notice that Aislinn was shaking. When she'd handed Tristlinn to Rianne, and seen the woman so happily holding her little girl, all she could think was _if I turned out to be carrying Cullen's child, if I were Rianne, the baby would just be ripped away from me the moment it was born, no one would hand it over to me the way I'd handed Tristlinn to Rianne, they would just take it from me completely_. It was hard for her to handle, and hard not to burst into tears right then and there when she's still been standing in Rianne's chamber.

Now, Cullen was being understanding with her which was a little surprising considering she thought he might decide that last night had been a mistake for it altogether, and she couldn't help herself from actually shedding those tears when he was being reasonable. "It's all your fault that I'm crying," she whispered as she'd hugged him in return.

"_My_ fault?," he asked incredulously.

"Yes! If you weren't so...honorable about it, I'd be too mad to cry. Or...maybe not," she suddenly snorted in amusement, reaching to wipe her cheek and eye of the tears she'd shed. Hiccuping softly, she added, "I...wasn't sure how you might react to it. I didn't know if you'd be angry or not."

"No," he replied. "I was...upset with myself for not considering it sooner, but like you said, it was all a bit...sporadic. Still, I made the choice, _we_ made it, and I can't turn my back on it, no matter what comes out of it. I _have_ to accept the consequences of my actions, as I've always done before."

He was so devoted she couldn't see straight it felt like. Turning her head and looking up at him, she shook her head saying, "If I _do_ turn out to be...carrying your child," somehow, just saying that made her feel a little dizzy in a way, but she went on, "not even Marleyna could stop them from expelling you from the Order if you officially laid claim to it."

Cullen knew that. He wasn't married to Aislinn, and she was the First Enchanter of Morsfeld. If the Chantry _didn't_ expel him, they would demote him, and not even back to Captain. "I realize that," he replied, though another part of him wondered just how lenient the Chantry might be after all with a good bit of the Order currently going renegade.

"Then...it would be best if you _didn't_ officially claim it."

"Aislinn, I have a duty to the Order, but more importantly, I also serve the Maker. That's something Marleyna's helped me to remember recently. Laying claim to my own child isn't a question in my mind. Were we to have one, I could never deny it, unless I knew for certain it was the only way to save the child's life. But this has nothing to do with that."

"Damn you!," Aislinn suddenly cussed out and smacked his arm. "Stop being so noble! I...don't like the thought of it!"

"Just as I don't like the thought of you going through a pregnancy alone," he told her, his voice serious in tone. "Nor do I like the thought of you having a child taken from you, especially because I decided to deny it simply to keep a position within the Order when half of the Order is already renegade, separating from the Chantry completely."

"Really hate how noble you are," she grumbled out halfheartedly, an annoyed look on her face.

"I...on the contrary...I think it's...why you love me," Cullen said in an attempt at humor.

Aislinn kept a straight face for all of two seconds as she looked back up at him after saying that before she suddenly snorted in amusement and then hugged him again. Her eyes closed and she let out a soft sigh. "I really don't believe you sometimes. I keep expecting you to just hate me like any other mage, but you treat me like an actual person. I don't think you realize how nice that is."

Cullen supposed he could understand why and how she'd feel that way, placing a hand on the back of her head before kissing the top of it and saying softly, "If it has to be that you're the only mage I'll ever love or care for, I can easily accept that. Even then however, there's more mages at Morsfeld who I think are agreeable."

"Agreeable," she snorted softly, "I can handle that." She looked up at him after saying that, and leaned up to let her lips brush across his in a soft, slow kiss. She just couldn't help it in that moment. Even if she felt having a child was going to be a problem they didn't need, somehow, he made her feel as if they could handle it were it to come up.

If not, she was going to go see Melrath. He had something she could get to use, and he wouldn't care if she and Cullen were together. He'd just shrug it off and not even ask her what she needed his herbal mixture for. It's not like it could be used for anything else besides birth control anyway. So Melrath's summary would probably just be _so she's having sex, who isn't?_ and nothing more.

"Commander, is that...oh. Oh!"

The sudden sound as Aislinn had leaned up to kiss Cullen came from Alec, and Cullen broke the kiss and looked up along with her to see the Templar holding up a hand and saying, "Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt that. At _all_.'

Cullen let go of Aislinn, unable to help the sudden response, and he parted his lips as if to speak, but nothing came out. Alec, not wanting to just turn and move away quickly as if he'd seen something bad, said when his Commander seemed to be at a loss for words, "I thought I heard some talking, and it'd been so quiet out here that I just came to check."

Aislinn wasn't sure what to say either. But she did ask him, "Uh, where's Brent at?"

"Taking a _personal_ break." Alec then shrugged.

"I see," Aislinn started, and then looked up at Cullen and lifted her brows. It was an extremely awkward moment for all three of them, neither knowing what to say. But finally, Aislinn shook her head and told Alec, "It's not–," and she stopped when Alec shook his head at her.

"There's no need to explain anything, my lady. I don't think there's any problem myself. I mean other than some interruption."

"You don't?," Aislinn asked him curiously. Cullen was still a little too, well, shocked to say anything.

"Why would I? You both know I'm not conventional. I think it's a blighted shame everyone's so uptight about this kind of thing anyway. I could say more, but I'll stay bloody quiet, otherwise I'll just get myself into trouble."

Cullen let a little sigh out, deciding he somewhat wished Dreyan had been the one to walk in on them since he still needed to ask the Captain about Trista anyway. But Alec was right, he _was_ unconventional, so probably better him than someone else. So in that case, he told the Templar, "It's...not a complete...secret. Marleyna knows. We just don't think it's time for anyone else to until we're both certain how to go about it."

"Huh," Alec drew out as if considering it all. "I knew she was more understanding than most. More reasonable too. Well, either way, don't worry about me, I'll make sure to keep a lock on it. Not my bloody business to begin with. I swear my silence to my Commander," he finished with a respectful bow of his head.

Nodding at him, even relieved that most of the men under his command were so steadfast from what he'd seen, Cullen could only think to reply with the words, "Thank you, Ser. It would be helpful for now."

Nodding, Alec seemed to see someone out of their sight because he'd turned his head and then he called over, "Brent! It took you long enough." He then went walking in that direction, and Aislinn figured he was going to distract the Templar so they could get somewhere a little less questionable than they were currently standing in.

As he'd walked away, Aislinn told Cullen, "You head out first, and I'll just stay here for the moment."

He nodded at her, deciding that they could continue their conversation elsewhere, and to hide herself a little better, Aislinn slipped in behind a stack of hay that was about five feet to the left of where she'd been standing, just until she was certain that Brent had no idea where his Commander had come from.

As she moved behind the stack, Brent came into view, and they had started to talk - apparently Brent needed Cullen's attention with something - and that was when all three men looked back. It took a few moments for the sight they were staring at to come into view, but it finally did, and it was _not_ something Aislinn had been expecting.

Five Templars had come walking in with three Priests, one being a Revered Mother that served in a Chantry about ten miles away from the Keep. Aislinn had met her once before, her name being Jana, and Aislinn knew this was _bad_. Jana wasn't fond of mages one bit, like most of the Chantry, and if she'd come all the way here, it was either because she knew of Rianne being so close to the birthing, or because Cambry had summoned her.

From the looks of it - being that there were five Templars with her - Cambry had summoned her, or he suggested to Adra to. Whatever the means, a stone sank into the pit of Aislinn's stomach.

This likely wasn't going to be very pretty.


	34. Divine Intervention

_XXXIV. Divine Intervention_

Brent had called to his Commander the moment he'd seen Cullen stepping out into the courtyard as if he needed his attention about something. The young Templar had come walking up from the gates toward his Commander and Alec, and as he met with his companions, he said, "I think there might be something going on that we don't know about."

"Why?," Cullen had asked, but then he'd looked up toward the direction in which Brent had come from when he noticed movement, seeing that there were five Templars emerging through the gates of the walls surrounding the Keep accompanying three Chantry Priests which neither of the men had ever seen. The woman walking in the middle of just about everyone however was a Revered Mother, wearing the same design of robe that Marleyna usually wore though she was a good bit younger than her with black hair and sky blue eyes. The other two women were clad in something slightly different, stating they were Mothers under her.

As they approached, Cullen briefly glanced toward the hay stack where he knew Aislinn was hidden because he'd seen her heading behind it earlier, likely due to the fact that she didn't want Brent to start theorizing if he saw that she and Cullen had been in an enclosed space together. She was completely out of sight now, so he looked ahead at the group coming toward him now, hoping this wasn't going to be trouble. Ever since he'd found out about the letters Marleyna had which Aislinn found in Denerim, he was wary of Clergy he didn't know.

As the priests reached them, Cullen, Alec, and Brent all standing in a single file line, they gave the proper respects in greeting, and the Revered Mother gave them a quaint smile. "Greetings," she spoke as they stopped. The Templars with her were wearing helmets as if they were in search and destroy mode perhaps, and Cullen straightened from the respectful bow with his own men to look each of them over before focusing on the Revered Mother again as she continued to speak.

"I am Revered Mother Jana, and these are Mothers Chastlin and Madria." Both women nodded in turn. Chastlin was very young to be a mother, having long, wavy hair the color of fire, and Madria was a bit older, perhaps Jana's age, her hair a deep brown and cut short around her shoulders. Both of them looked as proper as a woman possibly could, not a spot of dirt on the robes they wore despite their travels, though their horses were being taken to the stables now, giving an idea of _why_.

"It's a pleasure," Cullen replied to the introduction then. "I am Knight Commander Cullen of the Morsfeld Circle, and this is Ser Alec and Ser Brent."

"You must be the Templars sent with the mages assisting in the Teryna's delivery?," Jana asked.

"Yes," Cullen replied.

Aislinn could hear the entire exchange while Jana asked Cullen in response, "Not that I'm questioning your judgement, but did you really feel it necessary to come along yourself and leave the rest of the Circle behind?"

"I thought it might be pertinent to meet Teryn Brennen personally when I learned he employed the use of the mages of Morsfeld on a somewhat regular basis," Cullen replied easily.

"I see," she replied in understanding, then waved an idle hand, "I know Marleyna. When you return, you'll have to extend my greetings to her."

"I will do that."

Giving him a casual smile, Jana continued the conversation by saying, "We were sent for a few days ago about Teryna Brennen's birthing. They wanted us to come and offer our blessings. I've known Rianne since she was much younger, and married her to the Teryn, so I felt obligated to make an appearance."

"Of course," Cullen replied, then glanced at the Templars with her, and asked Jana on a hunch that they were actually only brought along for protection of the three women they were traveling with, "I trust the journey wasn't a bad one?"

"No, we made it easily. Things don't seem to be quite as bad in these parts as others."

Cullen had been right - perhaps. Still, he told her, "Well, you're just in time. The Teryna gave birth earlier, to a little girl."

"Wonderful," Jana replied with a nod of her head of braided black hair, seeming genuinely pleased by that. She then asked Cullen, "Is she accepting visitors right now that you know of? Everyone must be inside because of the event since no one from the home has come out yet."

"Yes, it seems they're inside for the moment. But the last I knew of, the Teryna was accepting visitors, yes."

"I see, in that case perhaps we can afford some time to rest. It's been a long journey for us. In the meantime, might I ask you a question, Commander?"

"Of course," Cullen replied.

"I was told the First Enchanter would be here, Aislinn Amell. I'm sure you know of her whereabouts, don't you?"

Because Aislinn was hiding behind the stack of hay near by, Cullen didn't want to point out as much, and Aislinn heard him saying, "Yes, after the delivery, she retired to her quarters for a bit of rest."

Aislinn made a mental note to get to her quarters as soon as she possibly could, though she did wonder why Jana was asking about her in specific. Before she could really think on it too far though, movement on the wall caught her attention from the corner of her eyes, and she looked to see a spider crawling along the wall about three feet next to her, slowly moving up it casually.

Aislinn completely froze into place. _Maker, not now!_ The conversation between Cullen and Jana continued despite this however.

"She and the other mage were tired from all of the activity," Cullen went on to explain while Aislinn was fighting with her fears currently, glaring at the spider who'd come to a stop as if to simply taunt her instead of moving on.

"I'd very much like to speak with her if that's possible," Jana replied to Cullen, and just then, they all heard a sound coming from the haystack nearby, which drew their attention for a moment. Aislinn had just shot a small fireball at the spider in front of her that dispersed on impact with the spider, killing it, but it didn't cause any further disruption. Thankfully, when she had, it startled a few pigeons behind her, which she hadn't even seen beforehand, into flying away.

Everyone saw that and took the birds flying away as having been the culprit of the sound, and Jana looked back at Cullen for an answer to her previous statement.

"I uh," Cullen started, looking back at Jana while he'd tried to figure out what in the world Aislinn could have been up to over there. "Yes, she'll probably be ready to speak with you soon."

"Good," Jana replied, and then she craned her head and looked behind Cullen as the front doors of the Keep opened up and two guards, one of them being Norris, came walking out into the courtyard to greet the visitors, the somewhat short, rounded woman named Lady Irene who was apparently the head of the servants in the Keep walking with them.

"Revered Mother," Norris spoke on the way out. "I see Sister Adra sent word to you as she'd suggested doing."

Sister Adra, Aislinn thought to herself when she heard Norris's comment. It figured. Though this was done days ago, so she knew it had nothing to do with their exchange during the delivery.

"Yes, that she did. How is the Teryna? The Knight Commander says she's well."

"She was taken very good care of, yes. Maybe too good, she keeps claiming she wants to get out of bed finally," Norris chuckled softly.

"That's good to hear. Do you think we could see her?"

"Why certainly," Norris nodded. "She'll be pleased to see you. Just follow me."

Cullen and his men had stepped to the side to allow them to pass, and Cullen noticed that one of the Templars with Jana had been looking in his direction, though he looked forward again when they began to move. Cullen wondered if the man had been looking at him for a reason or not, but just watched the Teryn's guards leading the Revered Mother inside and, as he followed with his own men at a short distance, he looked back to see Aislinn poking her head around the side of the haystacks. As soon as she made eye contact with Cullen, she pointed across the way.

Cullen looked ahead to see that no one was paying attention, so he then looked in the other direction to where Aislinn had pointed, seeing a servant's entrance on the side wall. Apparently she was going to use that to get to her room, and as everyone had started walking inside, Cullen glanced over to see Aislinn making her run for it. Thankfully, she was quick and fairly silent when she needed to be, not that anyone was looking.

Aislinn managed to make it inside of the entrance and into the kitchens which were currently empty except for a single servant who was cleaning the floors and ignoring her. So se just went on her way and got to her room without anyone seeing her who paid too much mind, and once she was inside, she shut the door and let out a sigh of breath, then busied herself with straightening everything up. It wasn't a total mess, but she wasn't taking any chances for criticism with Jana around or hell, even Cambry and Adra.

Just as she'd gotten the satchels stored away into the dresser, a knock came to the door, and she spoke, "Enter."

"First Enchanter?," Dreyan asked, looking into the room after cracking the door open. Trista was with him, and Aislinn smiled at them both. Dreyan went on to ask, "Might I have a word with you?"

"Certainly, come in, please." As they walked inside and Dreyan shut the door, Aislinn told them, "Before you start, let me warn you both that five Templars are here with the Revered Mother Jana and two other Mothers."

Trista stared at Aislinn uncertainly, asking, "Five Templars? Do they really need that much protection, or is that for...us?"

"It's hard to say with all of the mages and apostates giving the Chantry trouble these days, but I know Jana a little better than to think she's completely reasonable when it comes to mages. I thought you both should know so you could be prepared for it."

Dreyan was quiet, but Aislinn could tell that he was contemplating it, and so she snapped him out of it by asking, "So what did you want to ask me about?"

That seemed to do the trick as Dreyan cast his light brown eyes back up at Aislinn and then waved a hand, mentioning to her, "It's not a completely huge issue, but I wanted to tell you what Trista told me about something Cambry said to her. He told her when the two of you were going to go help with the delivery that you two needed to watch yourselves. We both thought you should know about it incase something happens to come of it."

Aislinn sighed in an annoyed fashion, but she nodded her head. "It may be a wise decision on our parts to leave the Keep as soon as possible with all of this going on now that I think about it."

"I agree," Trista replied. "The Teryna just gave birth, and already things are tense just because we're here, so it would be best not to stay and cause any problems. But then again, she may need us for something more in a day or two as well."

"Well, Milus _does_ have his own healers here, they just don't have any magical ability. Still, and sadly, the Chantry doesn't always take kindly to the use of magic in deliveries, and I should have expected Cambry to bring it up as a way to cause us trouble despite the fact that his stepmother was in a delicate condition and Milus more than likely felt that having magic at his disposal was beneficial for her."

Dreyan didn't look happy at all, and after a moment of waiting, he looked at Aislinn and said, "Cambry won't go unpunished for this. I can have a talk with Milus about it. Now that his new child is here, he'll be more open to entertaining things without worry of his wife's condition. Though I would need to get the Commander's approval first."

"Yes, you should speak with Cullen first definitely, even if you approach Milus without being a Templar. Matters are very delicate," Aislinn informed him. Shaking her head with a sigh, she looked down, "Now we just have to wait to see what Jana is going to end up doing."

Meanwhile, in the main hall of the Keep after the clergy had been escorted up to the Teryna's chambers, Cullen, Alec, and Brent were left standing with the five Templars who'd been brought along with the Revered Mother. They were just standing quietly when one of the other Templars looked over and suddenly said, "Cullen, I wonder if you'd remember me or not."

Cullen glanced at the man, a brow narrowing as he removed his helmet, revealing a familiar face. It took Cullen a moment, but he suddenly recognized it, asking, "Kethran?"

The raven haired, blue eyed man nodded at him, holding his helmet in his hand as he motioned idly and said, "I knew _you_ the moment I saw you. It's been a long time since we served in the Tower together."

"That it has," Cullen replied. Ser Kethran was the one Cullen had originally met because Aislinn had passed on some trouble a mage she knew had been having with him, and she'd asked him to look into it. After the incidents in the Circle Tower, Cullen got to know Kethran just a slight bit better, though not enough to call him a friend. It'd been a long time since then, and Kethran looked much more mature now, and also had a light scar that drew down the right side of his face from his temple to his upper cheek next to his eye. His hair was long and tied behind his head at the nape of his neck, and he looked more responsible than the young man Cullen remembered he'd always thought was a bit too impulsive.

Kethran smirked at Cullen then and asked, "Knight Commander of Morsfeld now, huh? I figured they'd send you there to straighten _that_ mess out."

Kethran knew of Cullen's paranoia and bias against mages, and apparently, Kethran still had his own as well. Cullen decided not to make a comment on how Kethran had put his words though, and only replied with a general statement.

"Well, we've both come a long way." He could tell Kethran was the highest ranking among the men there, otherwise he never would have removed his helmet without permission to.

"That we have."

Before more could be said in response on Kethran's part, Lady Irene had come walking back down the stairs and gotten the Templar's attention, saying, "Pardon me, lads, the Revered Mother told me to let you know that you could stand down for a bit. She's going to be talking to the Teryna. We've got some food cooked up with all the people about, so you all can eat in the dining hall if you want to."

"Very well," Kethran replied, accepting the offer because they hadn't had a meal yet that day. In turning to walk away and follow behind Irene who'd offered to show them along to the dining hall, Kethran looked back and told Cullen, "Perhaps we'll speak more while I'm here later."

"Yes, enjoy your meal," Cullen replied cordially, and once the men were gone, he sighed, then turned and walked off so he could make sure Aislinn had made it to her quarters as well as find out what had happened to Dreyan and Trista, telling his own men to stand down in the process. Cullen got a ways down the hallway leading into the servant's wing of the Keep when he suddenly heard someone calling his name.

"Ser? Could I have a moment?"

Cullen stopped and looked back, seeing Alec walking up behind him, and he asked, "Yes, Alec?"

Coming to a stop only a few feet away, Alec looked at his Commander and said, "I wanted to tell you something because of what I saw in the Courtyard. It doesn't have anything to do with you though. It has to do with Dreyan."

"Dreyan?," Cullen asked, then suddenly remembered the Captain's potential feelings for Trista, which Alec was about to confirm for him.

"Aye. It's not my place to say because he put his trust in me when he told me, but the Captain...he fancies Trista, Ser."

Cullen couldn't help perking a brow curiously and asking, "He told you this?"

"After a good bit of prodding and the threat of flirting with her myself. Actually, he didn't tell me so much as threaten to cut me open when I said _that_," Alec shrugged with a thoughtful expression on his face, then looked back at Cullen. "But he admitted it after making that threat. I'm not telling you because I think you need to...approve. I'm telling you because I thought you might be able to talk to him about it. He doesn't let on, but I know it bothers him, and I thought you might have some insight to give him maybe. Not that I know your story with...you know, _that_ and all. Just figured I'd let you know."

Cullen, for once, let himself be a little more casual by sighing and looking to the side in thought rather than continuing to take on the mentality of a Commander with Alec. "Insight," he muttered out softly, then shook his head. "The only insight I could give him is that you can bury those feelings all you want to, but they'll never really go away until you've admitted them and been accepted or rejected from the way it seems."

Alec gave Cullen a thoughtful look with a single raised brow before making a sound like, "Huh," and then shrugging. "I wouldn't really know, I've been with women but never actually _in love_, but it looks like you at least got some approval, right?"

Cullen lifted a brow slowly, but decided only to mention, "After close to a decade of time."

"Ouch," Alec muttered with a slight cringe, narrowing a brow. "You've known her that long?"

"Something like that."

"Hmm, well, was it worth the wait at least?"

Cullen drew a blank over that question. "What?"

"You know," Alec waved a hand, "was it worth the wait for her. Oh...you must not have done anything yet."

Cullen was getting lost now. "Wait, was _what_ worth the wait?"

Alec stared at him, then looked around and leaned in, saying softly, "If you have to ask Ser, chances are you haven't yet."

Cullen stared at him in quiet response for a moment, but suddenly the word "sex" popped into his head, and he replied, "Oh! Oh Maker, don't you think that's a little personal to ask someone? Especially your Commander?"

Alec shrugged unapologetically, his expression stating that he felt no shame at all for it, and Cullen sighed, having not expected anything less from the man. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Cullen heard Alec saying next, "I don't think it's too personal myself. But I guess I could be wrong, depends on how you look at it."

Cullen didn't think he'd ever understand how some people could be so free about talking about sex, shaking his head as he replied, "No, I don't think that's...just...no."

Alec was giving him a scrutinizing gaze as Cullen spoke, and suddenly he said, "Oh, now I get it, you two _just_ got started."

"What! How...," Cullen started, about to ask him how he'd known that, but he stopped himself when he realized that would just give it all away, his expression exasperated. But deciding that Alec would know what he was going to ask him from just the one word he'd said alone, he figured it wouldn't make any difference now.

It didn't. Alec shrugged, "I can just tell."

"Maker's breath!," Cullen grumbled out. "But..._how_?" Despite his embarrassment, he was too curious not to ask that.

"It's easy really. You're not biting my head off or running away, but you're still embarrassed. That's usually a telling sign that things just got started between two people, or at least, it has been in _my_ experience."

Cullen wasn't even sure where to go from this point on. He ended up staring at Alec for a moment, wondering just _how much_ experience the man might've actually had. Uncertain he wanted to know, he asked Alec instead, "Should I pretend we never had this conversation?"

"Why?," Alec asked suspiciously in return. "I'm not going to be assigned to cleaning out bed pots for a month or something, am I?"

"It's looking more and more appealing."

"Then by all means, completely forget we had the conversation, Ser."

Cullen shook his head. Alec was completely unapologetic, making his Commander think that even if he _did_ assign him to that kind of duty, it wouldn't change his outlook on things. Alec was tough as nails anyway, so Cullen decided he'd just overlook it, though he _did_ have something _else_ in mind that he wanted to ask him.

"I might regret this, but...," he started, then asked him, "_why_ did you want to know if it was worth the wait?"

Alec seemed to have a ready answer. "Like I said, I've never loved a woman before. Been with my fair share though, so I wanted to know what it was like."

Cullen thought about it for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to tell the man. Finally he settled on saying, "Well, I've never just...uh..._that_, so I couldn't tell you in particular." Alec gave a nod in response, and Cullen eyed him. After a moment of consideration, he asked finally, "Just how many women have you...been with?"

Alec got another of his thoughtful expressions, and he started counting on his fingers, which told Cullen he probably shouldn't have asked. But then he said, "I...are we talking about a certain period of time, or altogether?"

"Andraste's...," Cullen started, but then stopped and just finished with the words, "If you'd been with _that_ many, you wouldn't have had the time to become a Templar to begin with."

Alec thought about that, then suddenly grinned. "Might be why my first commander put me on the wall so often at first. But that only made it easier to sneak."

"You're not still sneaking _now_ are you?," Cullen asked, his mentality as a Commander coming back full force as he gave Alec a suspicious look.

"No, I'm too old for that kind of nonsense now." Alec didn't even seem to catch the suspicion in Cullen's voice, his reply a plain one. Somehow, because of that, Cullen completely believed him.

Still, he couldn't help but sigh softly, looking away and muttering, "I still don't understand how you could feel so free with..._that_."

Alec eyed his Commander, but before more could be said, their attention was gotten from behind where Cullen was standing, and he turned to see Aislinn approaching him with Dreyan and Trista. As they got closer, Dreyan said, "Oh, hello Alec."

Alec gave a silent nod, and Dreyan then looked at Cullen and went on, "The First Enchanter filled me in on our visitors. She suggested we should probably go as soon as possible to avoid causing a problem. I agree with the suggestion."

Cullen looked at Aislinn who perked a brow in a fashion that said she wasn't sure she liked the thought of trouble being caused her, and he decided that it was probably a good idea, though at the same time, he wasn't sure how it might be looked at to leave so suddenly. Before he could think it over however, someone else called his name, this time from the side of the corridor that Alec was standing on, and everyone looked _that_ way to see Norris standing there.

"Ser Knights, my ladies, the Revered Mother was wishing a word. She's in the Main Hall, and I told her I'd go to find you."

Cullen heard a soft groan of breath coming out of Aislinn, but he was unable to deny the Mother's request, replying, "Certainly, Ser Norris."

Norris gave a nod and turned to walk back toward the Main Hall while Cullen looked over when Aislinn began to walk past him, apparently ready to get all of this over with. Cullen didn't say a word except to tell his men, "Don't say anything unless necessary."

"Yes, Ser," Dreyan and Alec responded nearly simultaneously as they walked into with him. Waiting for them inside the large room was Revered Mother Jana who turned to face them when she heard their footsteps, along with the two Mother's in her company, Sister Adra, and Cambry. Aislinn felt as if she'd just stepped into some kind of inquisition as she entered between two of the Templars she'd traveled there with.

"First Enchanter," Jana greeted when she saw her, following up those words by saying, "it's been a while."

"Yes it has, Revered Mother," Aislinn returned just as politely as the woman had spoken to her. "I just heard of your arrival here. I hope the trip was agreeable."

"It was pleasant, thank you," she responded, every word as formal as the last. Aislinn thought she could choke on the thick air of feigned friendliness surrounding them both, but she listened when Jana continued, "I met your Knight Commander and some of his men on the way in. Though, I see two people I haven't yet."

She was referring to Dreyan and Trista, and Cullen looked over and then told the woman, "This is my Captain, Ser Dreyan, and an apprentice of the First Enchanter's, Trista."

Trista gave a silent nod of her head in respect, and Dreyan gave a bit more of a proper reception while Jana looked them both over, asking, "First Enchanter's apprentice? You must be skillful to have her personal attention."

"She is," Aislinn confirmed. "I hadn't brought the subject up to the Commander yet, but she's done a pleasing enough job lately that I actually feel it's time she received her Harrowing."

Despite all of the liberations from the old ways that Morsfeld was attempting to institute, getting rid of the Harrowing wasn't one of them. Aislinn felt it was archaic, unnecessary, and a complete waste of time as a test herself, and she felt this way for various reasons, but she wasn't going to say that to _this_ woman of all people. Instead, she thought it would be good to bring up in order to prove that not _all_ of Morsfeld's practices were so questionable after all.

Still, Trista gave Aislinn a surprised look, and Aislinn smiled at her encouragingly despite the fact that she hated to put the young lady through such a thing. Trista, who wasn't completely sure what the Harrowing entailed because the test was kept a secret from all apprentices, replied with, "Thank you, Messere," for the compliment to her skills alone.

"I see," Jana replied, then looked back at Cullen, asking, "Did you manage to reinstate that important practice?"

_Important_, Aislinn thought with a silent scoff. She stayed quiet and only listened however as Cullen informed the woman, "No, it's always been in practice as far as I'm aware."

"Oh, I'd heard the Circle tried to abolish it," Jana told him curiously.

"I wouldn't know about that. It's been practiced since I arrived however, and there's been no talk of ending it that I've heard."

"Hmm, well, I'm glad to hear things are going so smoothly in that event. However, I do have a few concerns I needed to speak with you about, which was why I asked for you."

_Here we go_, Aislinn thought to herself, taking in her breath before waiting to see what Jana might say to them. It didn't take the woman long to get to it either.

"Some may deem them minor issues, but I need to establish the truth of matters. I understand from the conversation I had with the Teryna that magic was in fact used to help deliver the baby, though she feels indebted to the mages enough that she named her child after them. The babe appears healthy in every way, and the Mother is doing fine, looking strong."

Aislinn was quiet as she listened to Jana saying this, knowing there was going to be a 'but' thrown in there somewhere. As soon as she had the thought, Jana started, "But all the same, there is a risk that, without notice, the magic _could_ have affected the child somehow."

Aislinn forced herself not to roll her eyes. As she kept herself in check, Jana further stated, "Without the presence of the Templars to monitor the situation, there's no way to accurately tell."

"Oh, the Templars were present," Adra then spoke, adding, "just not inside the room with them."

"Well, that still poses a lack of presence," one of the Mothers, the one named Chastlin who had the fire orange hair, spoke. Following the words, she looked back over at the group and added, "Using magic to aid in a delivery alone is looked down on."

"But not forbidden," Cullen replied. "The Teryna is a small woman, and she could use the aide."

"Perhaps," Jana started, "but the question is will the magic used have any affect on the babe, either now or later on down the road?"

"What if the affect it has is a _good_ one?," Aislinn suggested, tired of holding her tongue. Jana looked over at her as she continued speaking without question, "You seem to only fear it will adversely affect the baby girl, but saying that it _did_ have some kind of effect on her at all, it's logically reasonable that it has an even chance of being a good or a bad one, not that using magic when the spells are non-detrimental has _ever_ been proven to have some kind of lasting side effect to it."

"Nor have they been _disproven_, First Enchanter," Jana responded. "You also had no Templars present to make certain the spells you cast were non-detrimental. With the trouble going on these days, there's just _no way_ to _truly_ be able to trust _any_ mage. Because of this, I am left with no choice but to question it."

Aislinn was just about to make a response to that, though it wasn't going to be the sarcastic one she would have _loved_ to have given out, but before she could say anything at all, Cambry suddenly interrupted her.

"Revered Mother, there's something else I didn't want to bring up. Doyle didn't want to say anything either, because of my stepmother's condition, but he was accosted in the woods when traveling back here from summing the First Enchanter. The attack was from a distance by mages. He also said that he attempted to report it, but the Templars threatened to kill them all."

Aislinn couldn't help herself now, asking loudly, "What!"

Trista had gasped, exclaiming right after Aislinn, "That's not true!"

Cullen had just managed to keep himself quiet as well as still standing in one place because Cambry's story struck a nerve with him, but he just managed to contain himself and he reached out and took Aislinn's shoulder before she could do or say more herself. Thankfully, the movement got her to stop herself from also saying anything too quickly, and Jana looked away from Cambry and noticed the obedience being given so easily from both mages to the Templars that were with them.

She then let her gaze settle on Cullen, asking him, "Is this true?"

"Most certainly not," Cullen replied without hesitation.

"Then explain what Cambry is talking about if you would please."

Cullen went to speak, but he was also interrupted when Milus came into the room, entering from the steps that led up to the corridor where his wife's chamber was, and his expression was _not_ a happy one. As he came down the steps, he announced to everyone, "My newborn's just been put down for a nap, and already I'm hearing upset coming from my main hall." He reached the landing and came to stand in the room with them and looked everyone over, asking, "So someone kindly tell me what the fuss in my home is about."

Jana turned to face the Teryn, and she gave a nod of her head, stating, "A concern was raised to me about the use of magic with your wife's delivery. Following that concern, your son just expressed to me an attack by the mages on one of your men in the woods. The Knight Commander was about to tell us what really happened."

"An attack on one of my men?," Milus asked in confusion, then glanced at Cambry, asking, "Who, Doyle?" When Cambry nodded, Milus scoffed, informing everyone that, "Even if he _did_ provoke the mages, he probably deserved it with the way Cambry incites it."

Cambry stared at his father blankly, but Milus had given him a look that said explicitly for him to keep his mouth shut until Cullen had told his story. Cambry stayed quiet in response to the older warlord's gaze, and then the Teryn looked over at Cullen, asking, "So tell us what happened, Commander."

Cullen did just that, saying, "Our First Enchanter was shot with a hunter's arrow and pinned to a tree by her shoulder. The fletchings I pulled off of the arrow matched the ones in a quiver one of your men carried, but he obliviously let us know that _Doyle_ had been the one to do the hunting that night because he was a better marksman."

"That he is," Milus agreed without pause. "Best I've ever seen, actually, even in dim lighting."

Nodding, Cullen went on with the story, saying, "So I went to speak with them about the incident, and Doyle finally admitted to Alec and I that he'd shot Aislinn just to teach her a lesson for being short with him earlier that same day when they first arrived at the Circle to summon her. He told me that he knew she would heal herself up as soon as the arrow had been pulled from her, so it was nothing for him to have taken a shot when he got one at random."

"Aye, that sounds like the Doyle I know. Always impulsive, and never very bloody smart." It was apparent that Milus was very unhappy at that moment, and he looked at Cambry and asked, "Is this not what Doyle told you?"

"No, Ser," Cambry replied, and it was hard to tell whether he was speaking the truth or not. "He told me a mage attacked him and that when he tried to get help from the Templars, his life was threatened."

Milus sighed, then he looked at Cullen and said, "Doyle _did_ show up with a bad nose. Do you know what happened to him?"

"I do," Cullen replied, having already been prepared to be completely honest with the man. "I hit him when he gave me his admission of shooting our First Enchanter for wandering near the mage encampment when I'd already instructed him to do otherwise. I felt it a necessary action as Doyle struck me as the type not to listen without taking a more direct approach."

"Hmph, no wonder you're a Commander," Milus snorted in amusement, then nodded his head in agreement, "I can believe that much more easily than any story where Doyle's a victim because the man _never_ is. Even if he appears to be, it's nothing more than his own doing, as Ser Cullen's story suggests. I also take it this is the _real_ reason you'd offer him no healing magic yesterday?"

"Among the one given, yes," Cullen replied without apology.

"And what was the reason given?," Jana asked Cullen curiously then.

Cullen looked back over at the Revered Mother when she asked this, explaining, "I see no reason to have my mages casting any spells or using magic without the direct need to do so, and Doyle was in no danger, his nose will heal."

Jana lifted a single brow, then looked at the two Mothers with her. After a moment and some silent glances exchanged, Jana said, "That's a reasonable approach. I've heard of you anyway, Knight Commander. From my understanding, you take a strict approach to handling mages."

"The stricter the better," Cullen said without qualm, despite the fact that he felt his views had been changing slightly recently. But it wasn't hard to keep that persona up, especially not here.

"I see. Apparently, the Teryn seems to think your story fits the facts better as well, though I do find your strategies in handling Doyle to be a bit questionable, as well as your allowance of the mages to use magic during a delivery when it's so questionable."

"As I'd said," Cullen reminded her plainly, "I felt the Teryna would have benefitted from it considering her small size, and the First Enchanter has a good reputation as a healer. But considering the Teryna has just given birth earlier today, and there's so much trouble already going on between my men and some of the Teryn's, I think it may be wisest if I take the mages back to Morsfeld as soon as possible."

The Teryn let out a sigh over the suggestion, shaking his head slowly. "I can't say I disagree, though I worry that my wife may need one of your healers in the next few days. But I think the real danger has passed, and I can rely on the ones I have here already. Besides, I've inconvenienced your Circle quite enough, and I'll have to think of a way to properly thank you for the help you've rendered."

"You're welcome, Messere," Cullen said simply, speaking for everyone with him. "We're all glad that everything went as smoothly as possible. If you'd extend our well wishes to your wife, we'd be grateful."

"Consider it done. Go and prepare your travel means. I'll have the servants fetch your things and brought out to you."

"Very well," Cullen nodded, then looked over at everyone else and told Alec, "Go find Brent and prepare the cart."

"Yes, Ser," Alec replied, moving away from the rest of them to perform the task at hand. As he moved, Milus had gone over to Cambry, having a quiet talk with the young man that didn't look completely pleasant, and Jana walked over to Cullen, getting his attention by speaking his name softly.

"Commander?" As soon as Cullen had looked at her, she said, "I've noticed you've taken care to make sure things are kept in order just from this conversation alone, and I wanted to commend you for it. I hope Marleyna realizes what a capable man she has leading her Knights. We're running into too many problems these days and need as many like you to vigilantly serve as possible. So I wanted to apologize if I may have sounded suspicious of your methods, but I needed to be thorough in this with the concerns that the Sister expressed to me."

"You were merely doing your duty, Revered Mother," Cullen replied. "There was no offense taken."

Jana smiled, then she looked at Aislinn and the smile faded a bit as she said, "I've never seen eye to eye with your First Enchanter," then she said more directly to Aislinn, "you know this. But I'm glad to see you're obedient to your Commander."

Aislinn wanted to snap at her, but instead, she played it off and on a cheery tone of voice only replied, "It's also nice to see you being so reasonable about things, Revered Mother." That definitely had an undertone to it that Aislinn didn't mind it having.

Jana was quiet at first, but finally she told Aislinn, "Of course," in a somewhat clipped manner. "Commander, I do have something I would like to suggest to you." She looked up at Cullen, who waited as she told him, "I think it may be wise for you to direct Marleyna not to allow your First Enchanter or her student to practice any healing for a while, at least, not when it comes to delivering children. We cannot allow any mages in our care to perform without direct supervision these days. Things are simply too questionable."

Aislinn had to bite her tongue since even listening to Cullen saying, "I'll make sure this put under advisement to her," was a bit painful to hear.

"Good. Then, have a pleasant journey, Commander." Following that, she glanced at Aislinn and said simply, "First Enchanter."

Aislinn didn't say a single thing in return, watching the woman turn around to walk off with cold, steel eyes that expressed her dislike completely, a look that even Cullen picked up on. Because of it, he decided not to stay any longer than necessary. Instead, he turned and stepped to the side, motioning and allowing those with him to pass.

Aislinn turned to head outside, in such an angry state of mind that she didn't even think about going to see Rianne and say goodbye to her, and it was probably for the better anyway. Things could have been worse, that much was for certain, but they hadn't gone swimmingly either. Really, did Jana actually expect for Aislinn and Trista not to use their healing skills at all? Even in situations where a Templar wasn't _immediately_ present? Didn't that go a little beyond the lines of paranoia?

Of course it did. Aislinn pushed it from her mind though as she got outside. They were leaving now, and she just needed to clear her thoughts. Sadly though, she got the feeling that the ride was only going to be long enough to allow her to stew a good bit in her anger before she'd really be able to get over it.

As long as they left before she exploded though, everything would be fine.


	35. Planting Seeds

_XXXV. Planting Seeds_

Just as Milus had promised the group, their things were brought out by the servants and the cart was loaded up to leave the Keep and return to Morsfeld. It didn't take very long for this to be accomplished either, everyone checking to make sure they had all of their things together properly, and they would have been on their way as soon as this was finished up, but someone else emerged with the servants from inside of the Keep who called Cullen's name and got his attention. Cullen couldn't help but feel as if he was a very popular man around the Teryn's home for whatever reason.

Still, in looking back, Cullen didn't see who he thought he might, and instead, spied Kethran of all people moving toward him. As the Templar got within earshot, he asked, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would I be able to take a moment of your time to have a word or two in private before you leave, Commander?"

Cullen nodded his head in response while wondering what this might've been about, replying, "Certainly." Then he glanced over at Dreyan and said, "Finish up here Captain, I'll be right back."

Dreyan looked over and gave a nod, watching with Aislinn as Cullen turned to walk away with Kethran. Somehow, Aislinn couldn't help thinking to herself that she recognized that Templar from somewhere. Mostly, it ws his eyes that stood out, a very bright blue color, perhaps enhanced by the fact that his hair was so dark. He'd briefly looked at her as well, and from the look, Aislinn felt as if he'd recognized her too, but she couldn't quite put her finger on who he might've been just then. Maybe someone from the Tower? Sadly, nothing came to mind right away.

Cullen walked on with Kethran and out a ways into the courtyard under the clear sky the day had presented to them. Once they were out of earshot from everyone else, Kethran started their conversation by saying, "Honestly, I don't know if you're going to like what I'm going to suggest, but I don't mean it insultingly, and after I heard what went on in the main hall with Jana about the Teryn's family, as well as that one guard here, Doyle or whatever his name is, specifically that part, I thought I should mention it."

"What is it?," Cullen asked curiously, coming to a stop in their steps near the center of the yard, looking over at the man while wondering where Kethran might've been going with all of this.

Kethran got right to his point without mincing words. "I was just curious if you really realize just how much the Chantry oppresses the Order or not. They hide it, but in truth, they treat us almost as if _we_ were the mages."

Cullen glanced over at the Templar, quiet for a moment while letting those words sink in before he asked plainly, "How do you mean?"

"Well, consider everything. The Order is strong enough to stand on its own, but we're under their boot, and don't even consider trying to stand separately from it mostly because of the Lyrium. The Chantry controls that trade, and without the Chantry, getting more Lyrium is a huge problem. Because of this, the clergy gets to say what's right and wrong when it comes to our better judgement in responses we deem to be perfectly suited to a situation, just as Jana questioned your handling of Doyle." Kethran paused, then added, "But we heed them, and though we do so in the Maker's name, many also do it because of the Lyrium, which isn't complete dedication to our Maker. But there's more Lyrium smugglers out there now than ever, most of them former Templars who've gone renegade. So things are changing."

"Yes, I've realized that," Cullen replied, saying nothing of the fact that he was no longer addicted to Lyrium, or anything of the letters proving that the Chantry had at least, in _some_ cases, used Lyrium to control the Order in a fairly direct fashion. Instead, he waited to see where Kethran was going, trying to determine whether or not the man was trying to spread some message along of breaking away from the Chantry completely or not.

"That's not all though," Kethran started, looking over at Cullen as they stood there in the middle of the Courtyard well away from any ears that could hear them. "There's been a rumor going about, word that most Templars these days are nothing more than mage children, taken from their parents to be brought up in Monasteries or with Foster Parents in order to become Templars or to take positions in other parts of the Chantry. There's no solid proof, but there's indirect proof. For instance, where did you grow up?"

Cullen was reluctant to answer that question, but he finally said, "A Monastery."

"Never knew your parents, I take it?" When Cullen didn't reply, Kethran shook his head, saying, "I didn't either, and I couldn't tell you how many in the Order I've spoken to who've said similar things. I grew up in an actual orphanage myself, but it was run by the local Chantry. So where did we _really_ come from? We couldn't have just sprung up from the very earth, yet it's all supposed to be coincidence?"

"Not every Templar has that past."

"No, I know that," he nodded in response to Cullen's valid statement, "but enough do that it's a little...odd." Kethran let that settle in before he looked down and told Cullen, "I...don't like the thought that I've been bred since a young age just to perform some service for a...group of paranoid priests. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my duties and responsibilities, I enjoy dedicating my abilities to making things better in the name of our Maker, and I wouldn't give it up, but to think that I never had a choice of my own is what hurts the most. The Maker gave us a free will for a reason, but we're denied the chance to use it. That's not what the Order was _supposed_ to be about."

As Cullen thought about it, he felt he could easily understand where Kethran was coming from in this - _if_ it was true. Considering what he'd learned of the Chantry recently however, he felt that it very easily could be, if even only in _some_ cases. But that only begged the question, "So what are you suggesting, Ser Kethran? Are you considering going renegade?"

Kethran sighed softly, looking out into the distance across the yard. Shaking his head, he told Cullen, "I've thought of it more often than I care to admit, I'll be honest. We shouldn't have to play maids to a Chantry who only uses us without respect. There's also rumor that those who've managed to get off of Lyrium _still_ possess their abilities as a Templar. Perhaps it's a lasting effect of the Lyrium itself, but then, we _all_ began to use these abilities _before_ ever taking the Lyrium, so they _have_ to be granted by the Maker through our dedication to him, only strengthened by the Lyrium we take. If the Chantry didn't control that trade, just where do you think the Order might be now?"

"But what would going renegade solve?," Cullen asked him in return. "Everyone's warring, killing one another. It seems to me as if adding to the fight only creates a bigger problem."

"Or maybe it would just solve it more quickly," Kethran suggested, looking back at Cullen. "I just thought you might want to know what I've learned, and think about it. After all, how long is it until you're attacked by one of your own just for continuing to serve the Chantry? This message is spreading faster than you'd think, and people are taking notice. We never knew one another very well before, but I thought it would only be fair to impart what I've come across to you because I know of your dedication. I wouldn't rest easily knowing I didn't say anything when I could have."

There was a particular seriousness to Kethran's tone that Cullen couldn't quite place completely. Perhaps the man was merely serious about righting what he felt was wrong with things between the Order and the Chantry, or perhaps there was more to it, a friendly warning alone, it was hard to say. Either way, with a soft sigh of breath because Cullen _knew_ that one of these days he could easily be attacked by those who had gone renegade against the Chantry completely, he looked over at Kethran and gave a reply.

"Perhaps they will, and my own views have been challenged recently by certain things as well. But it would take a good bit of thought on my part before I simply disbanded the duties I've sworn to uphold for so long."

"That's understandable," Kethran nodded. "But you may not have the time to do that before you wind up dead for no reason at all. The Order has to be careful, for the first time that I can recall from our history ever, not _all_ of us are fighting for the same goals anymore. There's threats both outside _and_ in. I also realize this seems rushed on my part, but I know you're leaving, and don't wish to keep you for too long. You'll have to forgive me for that. At least take the words to heart though, for your own sakes if nothing else."

Cullen held Kethran's gaze evenly for several long moments of thought over the weight those words held while silence passed between them before finally giving him a slow nod of his head. After a moment, he said, "I should take my leave, but I _will_ keep your warnings in mind, however."

"Good. Perhaps we'll cross paths again soon then. Be safe on your way back to Morsfeld."

"You as well, Ser Kethran."

Kethran gave Cullen a nod, then stood straight to make the proper gesture before saying respectfully, "Knight Commander."

Cullen returned the gesture, then he turned and began to walk away, leaving the other Knight to stand in the courtyard behind him while keeping his words in mind.

As Cullen arrived at the cart, he asked, "Is everything in order here?"

"Yes, Ser, we're all prepared to get underway," came Brent's response as he moved past in order to get up behind the horses and take the reigns.

"Good. Let's do so then." As he moved to his place in the back, he had a thought over what Kethran had said and idly, he asked, "Alec?," when the man walked past him.

"Yes, Ser?"

"Did you know your parents?"

Alec, who'd climbed to settle himself at the front of the cart next to Brent, looked back at Cullen with a strange expression on his face and said, "Aye, I knew them, why?"

"I was just curious," Cullen told him plainly. "I was wondering about how you joined the Order, if you chose to or if your parents might have influenced you."

"Well, my father thought I needed to join the Order to learn some discipline because, according to him, I was an unruly little shite. He was right too."

That made sense somehow, Cullen thought to himself, but it did make him feel better because at least Alec had known his own parent and had a reason for joining the Order other than 'it seemed like the best way to serve the Maker' or something similar. As Brent got the cart started in moving while Cullen had been thinking this, the younger Templar said, "I didn't know mine, well, not my real parents. My foster parents were good to me though. Sent me off to be trained when I was fourteen."

So, Brent didn't know his real parents either. Cullen's optimism faded just a bit. Perhaps Brent's real parents had been mages as well, or at least, one of them. Maybe Kethran was right after all. Briefly, Cullen wondered what Marleyna would say to such an allegation.

It was a long while after the cart had started moving, and Cullen had been thinking it all over, that he glanced over at Aislinn to see a rather unsettled look on her face, probably due to the things Jana had said and what had happened at the Keep. He wished he could talk to her privately just then, about everything, but it would simply have to wait. Sadly, to properly discuss it, they would do better to be alone, and currently they had a bit too much company for that.

Little did he know that Aislinn wished she could talk to him as well, but she stayed quiet for the time being. After all, she got the feeling that anything she might've said just then would have been highly defamatory to the Revered Mother, and Maker knew no one wanted _that_, she thought while rolling her eyes. After all, Cullen and the other Templars were mostly religious, so defaming a Revered Mother, no matter who she was, might've been taken offensively.

Well, except for by Alec perhaps. He'd probably agree with Aislinn without hesitation. But, and most importantly, how would Cullen react? She knew he'd said the things he had for Jana's sake, but how would he react to the thoughts Aislinn had about the woman? The consideration that he might get upset with her for them had her even more irritated than before.

Aislinn did manage to tide her anger over after some time on the road however. It was hard to stay angry when the scenery was being so pretty, though she _was_ still irritated with the way things had gone. But she found herself much more inclined as they continued on down a dirt road cutting through the countryside to entertain Trista when the mage made a comment to her.

"Messere?," she started, and when Aislinn looked at her, she asked, "Did you really mean what you'd said about giving me the Harrowing now?"

Aislinn looked down and slowly nodded her head. "Yes, I meant that. I've yet to discuss it with the Commander, but I personally think you're ready for it."

Cullen looked from Aislinn and to Trista, then he saw the look on Dreyan's face, and it was, in a word, unsettled. Cullen could relate to that expression. From what he knew, Trista was Dreyan's responsibility in the Circle. Her phylactery was in his care if she ever became an apostate. This also meant that Dreyan was the one assigned to give her the blow of death if she failed her Harrowing, and Dreyan knew it.

When he had the thought, Cullen said, "Brent, stop the cart. We need a brief reprieve."

"Yes, Ser," Brent replied, taking up the reigns so the cart came to a stop on the road, and following this, Cullen stood up.

"Dreyan, would you come with me for a moment? I need to speak with you."

The movements had gotten Alec's attention because of what they'd been talking about before in the Keep, and the fact that Alec knew Dreyan wouldn't like the idea of Trista's Harrowing. But the man stayed quiet as Dreyan, who thought nothing of the request himself, stood up and went with his Commander to have the talk he apparently wanted.

Both of them walked away while the others took breaks at their discretion now that they'd stopped. Once they were far enough out of range of everyone else, Cullen turned to Dreyan, who looked up at him and asked, "What do you need, Commander?"

"I wanted to discuss something that's...actually of a personal nature with you. I hope you won't find any of it offensive."

"I...hadn't expected that, but of course, if it's important."

"I think it is, enough to warrant a conversation anyway," Cullen informed him. "I couldn't help but notice that...well, you seem a little taken with Trista by the way you sometimes look at her, just to get it out in the open."

Dreyan was quiet. His expression didn't change, but Cullen could see this was the absolute last thing he'd expected to be discussing this day. Before he could make a response, Cullen went on to say, "I know it's...embarrassing."

"Did you really notice by looks I gave her, Commander?," Dreyan finally asked curiously.

"Yes," Cullen nodded, figuring he was asking because of the fact that Alec knew and could have said something to their Commander about it. "I did. Perhaps because I have experience with the same thing, so I know what to look for."

Dreyan continued to stare at him, finally asking, "What do you mean?"

"I've harbored feelings for a mage as well."

Furrowing his brows, Dreyan looked down and let a sigh of breath. "I'm...sorry, Ser. I try to keep them contained, but I suppose even then they sometimes show through."

"Yes, it does happen regardless of how you try to hide it, but there's no need for apology. I most particularly noticed the look you gave when she mentioned taking her Harrowing. I know she's a part of the group assigned to you in specific."

"I...yes, I don't like the thought of it. I would be the one to deliver the final blow to her if she failed, and I'm not certain I would be able to accomplish that task, Ser. But I wouldn't allow any other Templar to take the duty up."

Cullen could easily see what the man meant. He had never considered it until just then, but if he _hadn't_ been the one assigned to deliver the blow of death to Aislinn had she failed _her_ Harrowing, he would have...perhaps even demanded to be. The thought of allowing someone else to kill Aislinn, abomination or not, was even more unsettling than doing so himself.

In response however, he told Dreyan, "I think you'd be able to do your duty. Have you ever seen an abomination?"

"Yes, once. I suppose you're right, I wouldn't want her to live that way, but I...," he trailed off then and let out a sigh of breath.

Cullen's next line got Dreyan's complete attention. "I've been in the same place, Dreyan. Aislinn...was the mage I harbored feelings for, and I was assigned to her Harrowing as the death dealer." Dreyan snapped his gaze up to his Commander's face when that was spoken, giving him an incredulous look. Cullen went on however, "I didn't like it, believe me, but I knew I wouldn't let her live that way. Trista will _have_ to go through a Harrowing eventually. There's no way around that."

"I know, Ser, and I'm not asking to make an exception for her."

"I know you're not," Cullen replied with an understanding nod of his head. "But I wanted to tell you this because I thought you might have needed to know that...you're not the only one to face this kind of thing."

"Thank you, Ser." Dreyan started, then glanced in the direction of the cart for a moment and back to Cullen again, the wind picking up a stray strand of his brown hair and blowing it across his face as he next spoke. "I...don't want to feel this way, to be honest. It's been a while now though since these feelings started to...grow...in me, as it were. Sometimes it's hard not to think about her, or look when she passes. I don't entirely know what to do about it."

Why did _that_ sound familiar, Cullen thought to himself. _Too_ familiar. Suddenly, he wondered just how many Templars might've gone through the same thing everyday. Perhaps it was another of those things that the Chantry swept under the rug to make sure that everything stayed within their control.

Still, Cullen admitted, "That sounds like...me, when I was a little younger."

"Then...you no longer feel this way about the First Enchanter?"

"I...do," he replied, "and she knows I do now. It hasn't been an easy process."

Dreyan paused for a moment, finally asking, "Then the two of you are...talking?"

"You could say that, with Marleyna's knowledge anyway," Cullen replied. "But I can't condone anything with any of my men, though I also can't deny them without being a hypocrite. All I _can_ say is to think things through, use your best judgement, Dreyan. It's plain to see that you're intelligent enough to come to a logical conclusion on what needs to be done on your own."

"Yes, Ser," Dreyan replied, apparently understanding what Cullen mean easily.

"Good," Cullen nodded and then began to walk away. Somehow though, he wondered just what he might've accomplished by talking to his Captain and only saying _that_ in particular. Also, he wondered how he'd gotten himself into a situation where he was trying to help one of his men with a problem like _this_. It seemed a little strange somehow. But he felt that he hadn't really told Dreyan anything significantly helpful, and he'd realized this as he'd walked on. That's when he came to a stop.

Looking back at Dreyan, who'd continued to stand where he was in thought for a moment, he parted his lips to speak, and finally got out, "Captain..."

When Cullen trailed, Dreyan asked him, "Yes?"

Shaking his head, Cullen finally went on, "Personally, I have to say that there's a chance these feelings won't go away, not as long as she's about. You might want to at least express them to her. Believe me, bottling them up can be as painful as getting struck with a sword. At least then, if you admit them, you can clear your conscious no matter what the outcome is."

"I'll...keep that in mind, Ser." Then he shook his head, asking, "What if she...returns an interest though?"

Cullen took the question to heart as he looked at the cart, able to see Aislinn settled there. Despite his feelings on mages and his uncertainties, the answer was easily clear to him when he looked at her. Though he didn't want to really encourage anything, he glanced to the side and told Dreyan, "You should consider yourself fortunate in that case."

He began to walk on then, leaving Dreyan to stand there and think over everything that had been said, and Cullen actually felt like he might have accomplished something good, no matter how small it had been. Reaching the cart, he climbed into the back and settled down before he heard Alec asking, "Everything alright, Ser?"

"Fine," Cullen replied with a nod of his head, saying no more than that since he knew why Alec was asking, and he couldn't help but notice that Aislinn was still silent, hadn't even looked up from the thought she was apparently settled in. It was starting to bother Cullen a little. Was she angry with him for agreeing with the Revered Mother earlier about not allowing her to practice healing anymore? Unable to tell while she was settled with her back facing nearly everyone and looking out over the countryside surrounding them, he wondered just how much faster they might make it back to Morsfeld now that the roadways had been cleared of snow, and if she would talk to him about whatever was bothering her whenever they got there.

The ride did go much faster than normal though thankfully, and they continued traveling under the cloak of night because it was easier with the current conditions. Most of them fell asleep at turns over time, and they all finally arrived back at Morsfeld very early in the morning when it was still dark out. The night-watch opened the drawbridge for them, and they headed onto the grounds of the Circle while Aislinn and Trista were sleeping, but the Templars were awake.

Well, except for Alec, who was snoring out a grating sound at the front of the cart, and Brent smacked the back of his head where he was sitting which caused Alec to snort and sit up quickly, exclaiming, "I wasn't with her in the barn!"

"No," Brent grumbled out with a sigh of breath, "We're back, wake up."

"Oh," Alec replied, looking up to see what he could make out of the large Manor in the darkness. "Heh, I thought I was fifteen again for a second there. My first commander used to smack me on the back of the head the same way whenever he found me asleep in the haystacks. You hit just like him."

Cullen had let an inaudible sigh of breath out while reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose over Alec's comments, and when the cart stopped, he went about waking Aislinn while Trista was woken by Dreyan. Aislinn sat up slowly after Cullen had said her name and shaken her shoulder, groggily looking up to see where they were before she heard Trista asking, "Oh, we're back?"

They all began to get their things together and unloaded from the cart, climbing off and heading to the front doors where they started heading to their rooms inside. As they went, Alec muttered something about being completely ready to sleep in his own bed again. Aislinn supposed he and Brent would be considering they'd spent their past few nights in a cold tent, and then in a cold stable.

It would be dawn soon, but she was pretty sure that Cullen would allow those who'd traveled, as well as himself, a good bit of time to sleep in that day since the ride had been somewhat spontaneous and they'd arrived so early in the morning. He wanted them to get back as soon as possible though, she knew that much for certain, and she didn't blame him for it at all. Spending any time in the woods again wasn't precisely something either of them wanted to do.

Aislinn didn't feel like going back to sleep though. Instead, she just headed to her own room to put her things up, and once she was done unpacking it all and getting everything sorted, which she had to force herself to do, she left again and ended up heading outside. The thoughts she'd had on the way back to the Manor were still floating around in her head, and they were making her unsettled.

Templars stood in the yards, their posts being to stand watch over the grounds, and Aislinn stopped near one and forced herself to tell him, "I'm going to head to the pond. I need some time alone with some fresh air. I won't be long."

She knew that sounded preposterous since she'd just gotten back from a long trip, but this Templar didn't know that in specific, and she didn't give him a chance to respond before she walked away and out toward the pond, which was a good distance off and out of sight of the men standing watch in the gardens of the back of the Manor.

As she made it to the bridge, stepping up onto the arch it formed as it crossed the pond below, she leaned on the side wall and looked down into the water. She was just tired of bending, tired of pretending to be complacent when she was growing so angry inside over the dictations she had to put up with. Maybe she'd just forgotten how nice it was living in the Morsfeld Manor without so much discrimination, but the few days she'd spent at the Teryn's Keep and traveling with his men had been a perfectly good reminder to her of how biased against mages the world was.

Aislinn sighed leaned her cheek on her hand with her elbow poised against the top of the wall, while lifting the other hand over the pond, the surface of which was frozen in certain places, and raising her fingertips, she idly began using some magic to make the water below ripple in different shapes and patterns. She was uncertain about everything in those moments, uncertain about her emotions and her current path, watching as the ripples took off through the water even after she was done using magic to stir it, almost reflecting the reactions to things in life with whatever action she decided to make. As she thought that, she sent a sudden burst of energy into the water to make a good bit of it splash up, changing the pattern of most of the ripples she'd made to begin with.

After the splash had settled down and she sighed out a breath, she heard movement and looked to her left, seeing Cullen walking up toward her position on the bridge idly. He wasn't in his uniform, instead wearing some casual clothing that didn't really consist of much, just a light colored tunic and some darker leggings and boots. Aislinn had avoided him on purpose because she didn't want to get into some kind of argument which she felt might be eminent because of the thoughts she'd had and expressing them to him was...definitely not a good idea.

But as he got closer now, she asked him, "How'd you find me?" No sense in just leaving after all, that would only make things worse. Besides, she _did_ want him around, she just hadn't wanted to snap at anyone who didn't deserve it.

"I followed you actually," he admitted to her, coming to a stop near by. "I was...going back to your room when I saw you leaving it. I wanted to make sure you were alright. You barely said more than three words on the way back from the Keep and I was a little worried."

"I was angry," Aislinn admitted. "Still am actually."

"Because of Jana?"

"Mostly. But also because I feel like a damned child that does everything wrong most of the time whenever there's a priest who's not someone I know from this Circle about. It makes me wonder if I wouldn't be held accountable for sneezing the wrong way."

Cullen looked her over quietly as she told him this, supposing he could see what she meant. "You know, for the first time, I've come to question them myself. Ever since I read those letters, I feel as if it's hard to know _who_ I can trust. It's...a strange sensation to not simply think I could believe them without question like I used to."

Aislinn frowned and looked over at him, pushing herself away from the wall so she could turn to face him. "I'm sorry, Cullen. I know it's hard, having those kinds of doubts in your mind."

"No, you shouldn't apologize for telling me the truth. Honestly, I thought you might be mad at me for agreeing with Jana even though I knew you understood what I was doing."

"No, you didn't upset me. It hurt hearing you agreeing, I will admit that, but I knew you didn't mean it. Though, I start to wonder...would you become...fearful, perhaps if I were to get _really_ angry? Would you trust me not to hurt anyone with my magic?"

Cullen hadn't quite expected that question, his brows narrowing as he replied, "I'd like to think you wouldn't just set an entire building on fire because you were upset, yes. The other night when I cleansed your mana, I felt you might have just been too out of your head from the pain to realize that you would've been casting spells for nothing."

"I know that," she replied with a nod. "But it makes me second guess myself. If you and I argued, and I got so mad that I couldn't see straight, would you still trust me?"

"I'd like to think so. You know how I look at you versus the way I look at other mages, even if you _are_ a mage."

Aislinn believed him. Somehow, it was hard to stay mad whenever she talked to him, and she didn't know if that was irritating or refreshing. Still, she replied, "Well, you _are_ a Templar. If I did get out of line, all you'd have to do is smite me."

"No, I'd never...no," he shook his head. "That would harm you."

"I know," she nodded, "but...I guess that means I have to trust you even more, don't I? Your skills could give you a huge upper hand in a fight." Suddenly, she felt angry again and she didn't know why exactly. It made her groan and turn away from him. "I just...why do I feel as if I'm supposed to be put in a case and stored away? Being here, in this Circle, I feel normal enough, but whenever I travel, it's like I might be carrying a plague. I get so tired of acting like a prim, proper _lady_, instead of being myself and being able to act angry whenever I _am_ angry."

Cullen didn't respond right away, and she didn't expect him to. She just watched the water below, sunlight starting to turn the water a slightly pink color with the reflection of the sky overhead, and she let out a soft breath. "I don't even feel like I can share all of my thoughts with _you_, Cullen. Like what I _really_ considered doing to Jana when she suggested that I couldn't even practice _healing_ of all things."

"Yes, that was extremely...paranoid of her." Cullen replied as he stayed where he was standing, letting Aislinn have some space for the moment, but he had to ask following the admittance of Jana's paranoia, "What did you think of doing?"

Aislinn was quiet, and Cullen waited, expecting her to say something like 'set her hair on fire'. Finally, she told him, "Making a ball of ice in my hand and walking over to drop it into her robe."

She expected to be chastised for that, even if _she _thought it was a good idea. Jana wouldn't be hurt, just irritated, and whether she learned a lesson or not, Aislinn would have gotten a kick out of seeing the woman dancing around trying to get a ball of ice out of her robes. After all, the woman deserved it.

But suddenly, Aislinn heard a few soft snickers, and her eyes went a little wide before she turned and looked back to see Cullen looking down while reaching up to cover his mouth, but the sun had risen enough by that time that she could easily see that he was fighting a grin. Though the sight of it got her to grinning herself, Aislinn's jaw dropped, and she stared at him incredulously.

"You're..._laughing_!"

Cullen started shaking his head, attempting to look back up with a straight face to prove that he wasn't, but he ended up grinning anyway and covered his eyes. Aislinn couldn't believe it. Cullen was usually reserved, serious, typically to a fault, so the thought of him laughing over such a thing was surprising in the least. She couldn't stop herself from walking over and reaching up to take his wrist, trying to tug his hand from his face as she said, "Oh no you don't, you're all grins now aren't you? You think it's funny!"

"I...yes, alright," he let her tug his hand away and continued snickering, "I was laughing, but I hadn't expected you to say something like that. I thought you might say something about fire or...whatever. Not..._that_. The image I got...I..."

Aislinn was snickering now herself, sarcastically chiding him, "Oh Cullen, you're terrible! Laughing at the misfortune of a Revered Mother with ice down her robe and...," she suddenly let a laugh and started shaking her head, saying, "and here you were thinking I'd use fire or something. It's a good thing you're _not_ a mage if _that's_ the way you'd do it."

"Apparently it is," he replied, still trying to stifle the mirth he'd felt over her words. "But I never thought you to be so devious in that fashion."

"Well, I may dislike her, but that doesn't mean I'd want to _kill_ her."

His grin, she couldn't help but notice, was handsome, finally looking back at her once he'd managed to sober a little from his mirth, asking her, "What do you think Marleyna might say about such a thing?"

"Well, considering Marleyna doesn't like Jana too much for causing her so much grief with her efforts here in Morsfeld, she'd probably laugh too, except she'd just wait until she was alone." Aislinn couldn't help but let another chuckle out after saying that, shaking her head as she sighed softly. "I at least feel better now. I was afraid you might get mad at me if I told you anything about what I'd been thinking of her."

Cullen had sobered up from his own amusement as she'd said that, shaking his head slowly. "I know you don't like much of the clergy, Aislinn, but you don't need to feel reluctance to tell me anything you think. Even if I don't agree, I don't think I'd become angry with you either."

"Well, I _have_ had worse thoughts, Cullen. But...I suppose I'll have to trust you, won't I?" She'd asked that question a little playfully.

"Do you?," he asked her in reply softly.

Aislinn held his gaze for a moment, and then stepped in more closely, slipping her arms around his sides while nodding her head at him. "Yes, I think I do," she said with a little smirk on her face.

He didn't stop her at all, just let his own hands lift behind her before asking, "You don't think anyone will see us, do you? We've already been caught once."

"I don't think anyone's up, and even if they are, they're not out in the cold."

She had a good point. He'd seen no one on the way out there anyway, so he nodded slowly as he reached up to brush a palm over her cheek, remembering how she seemed to like that. Now was no different as she closed her eyes and leaned into it, which made him realize something he commented over.

"You're freezing, Aislinn," he told her when he felt the chill on her skin. He supposed he was too, but she felt especially cold.

"Not too much, well...I guess you'd think differently because you feel so warm." She opened her eyes and looked up at him, having a thought that made her take his hand and tug it away so she wouldn't be distracted as she asked it. "Oh, by the way, that Templar you talked to earlier yesterday, he looked familiar to me."

Cullen thought back, then remembered, replying, "Oh, you mean Kethran."

Aislinn's brows narrowed and then shot up. "Kethran? From the Tower?"

"Yes."

Aislinn didn't know what to say to that. She barely remembered the man, only saw him about here and there, and had always thought he had vivid eyes, which was why they'd stood out for her when she saw him with Cullen the day before. But she shook her head, asking him, "What did he want?"

"He was just...passing along a warning about the Order and the way things are changing within it. From what I remember of him, I'm surprised he's not already renegade, but he did seem more mature than he used to."

Aislinn considered that before she told Cullen, "Still, to pass that kind of thing on almost sounds like he's trying to instigate more to go against the Chantry."

"That's what I thought," Cullen replied, giving her a look that said it worried him. "I...I've started to feel that the only place I'm comfortable is within the Circle here anymore. It's hard to tell who to trust these days."

"I know. Things have gotten tightknit here while the rest of the world is squabbling over things. I honestly think if anyone tried anything, we'd just...stick together as if this were a fortress."

Cullen thought about that, having the feeling that she was right. But even still, he would protect his post as he was assigned to do. If something threatened the Circle, it was his duty to make sure things were protected, and that was what he'd have to do.

The sun was climbing higher in the sky by that time, lighting the area around them on the bridge, and Aislinn, who'd leaned in against him, whispered, "I guess I should probably go back inside and try to get some rest now that I feel a little better."

Still holding her, he asked, "Should I walk back with you?"

"I would like that, but it might be a better idea if I went alone." When she said that, she felt his chest rising and falling as if he'd let a sigh, and she looked up. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said solemnly, looking down at her face, "I'm just not fond of the thought of hiding, I suppose." That was when he remembered the night they'd shared at the Teryn's Keep, and also the curiosity over whether or not she might wind up carrying a child. "We wouldn't have long to hide it if you end up with child because of the other evening, though."

"Well, if you stubbornly insist on doing the _right_ thing," she told him with a little smile on her lips, "then no, we wouldn't. But, I'll know for certain if I am in a day or two."

That made Cullen give her a strange look. "Is there some way to tell so early using magic?"

"Yes, something most healers can do," Aislinn nodded. "I just have to give it some time, and I'll know for certain."

"That's...good. The sooner we know, the better."

She gave Cullen a slow nod, but her expression was a little questioning. After a brief moment of hesitation, she asked him, "If I _am_, well..."

Cullen brows furrowed over his green eyes as he waited. When she said nothing more, he asked, "What?"

Aislinn looked down, staring at his chest, though not really seeing it while she was considering her words. "You just seem...I would expect you to be a bit more panicked than this."

Seeing what she meant now, Cullen thought about his feelings over the thought of having a child, and then he leaned down and kissed the top of her head before settling his forehead against it, his eyes closing. "If it happens, then there's nothing to be done to change it, love. I'm not saying I _want_ you to be, but if you are, there's nothing to be gained from upset or regrets. Besides, I can think of worse things than our having a child together."

That had Aislinn smiling like she had no sense. She tightened her arms around him, and even though he'd put it that way, she still hoped she wasn't just to save them both a headache. It was better to have a child when the time was right than to become pregnant without any forethought over the matter. She was also still going to go to Melrath for something to keep her from conceiving if she weren't.

"I love you so much," she whispered, turning her head up and finding his mouth with hers, brushing her lips over it as his arms tightened around her and he parted his lips against hers. It felt like they'd both waited a little too long to have another moment like this, and they let themselves enjoy it, the cold of the morning all but forgotten completely while standing in one another's embrace.

It was the only thing Aislinn could think of on the way up to her room, the way it felt and how warm he was, how she felt like she couldn't get close enough to him no matter what she did. Arousal jolted through the both of them the more heated the kiss had grown until they both suddenly stopped, panting and trying to get their more base desires for one another under control. Aislinn knew that until she figured out whether or not she'd gotten pregnant, having sex again wasn't a good idea, though she got the feeling that Cullen had only stopped himself out of modesty alone.

She silently promised that he wouldn't have to wait for too much longer, as soon as she knew the truth of things. In order to get his mind off of it, she brought up the idea of giving Trista her Harrowing, and they both decided it could be done that day. Once the plans were set, Aislinn tore herself away from him and headed back to her room alone and in a slight daze, and she was just getting to her chamber doors when the Senior Enchanter, Ila, came walking down the hallway.

Aislinn looked up when the older woman asked her name while she'd been opening the door to her room, and she smiled and greeted her with the words, "Hello, Ila."

"Welcome back," Ila smiled, coming to a stop. "You must be tired after traveling all night."

"A little, yes, but I did sleep on the way back."

"That's good," Ila nodded, and though she was being pleasant, the look on her face was hesitant, which perked Aislinn's curiosity.

Turning to face her completely, she asked, "What's wrong, Ila?"

"Well, nothing in specific, but...something happened with Gracie while you were away."

"What?," Aislinn asked quickly, worry immediately taking over her thoughts. "Is she alright?"

"She's perfectly fine, yes, I should have worded that better," Ila rushed out to reassure Aislinn. Seeing the First Enchanter relax a good deal, Ila apologized to her, saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. All I meant was that she said something while you were away, told us something about the night her family's village was attacked."

Those words had Aislinn's brows furrowing before she asked, "Oh? She spoke of it?"

"Yes," Ila nodded, informing Aislinn meaningfully, "and what she said...is surprising."

Aislinn wasn't prepared for what Ila told her about Gracie following those words. In fact, the last thing she'd expected was to hear that Gracie was actually related to the Revered Mother presiding over the Morsfeld Circle herself.


	36. The Harrowing

_XXXVI. The Harrowing_

Cullen had just gotten things ready for administering Trista's Harrowing that evening when he'd gone to the First Enchanter's study to find her and let her know to bring the apprentice up. After he'd left Aislinn earlier that morning, he'd gone to his room and gotten some sleep, though it hadn't been anywhere nearly as peaceful as the night he'd slept with the First Enchanter, something he couldn't help but realize he was aching to do again. He'd ended up having another blighted nightmare about the Circle Tower again, about demons coming to try to harm him, breaking out in a cold sweat before he woke up with a start and darted straight up in bed, panting as if he'd just been running a mile.

The dream was bad enough to bring that long lasting resentment back that he harbored for nearly all mages because it had been so vivid in his mind, as many of them were. Cullen closed his eyes and then reached up to rub them the moment he realized he was safe and sound in his room at Morsfeld. Why those nightmares wouldn't leave him in peace he'd never know, but they _still_ bothered him to that day, and made him feel unsettled whenever he had them.

But he pushed on with his duties, getting out of bed and donning his armor, though his attitude was a bit more clipped because of the earlier reminder of how a mage could go bad which he'd had that morning. It was already after noon by the time he'd gotten up because of the long ride the night before however, so the day was close to half passed, but most everyone on that ride did as well, so he wasn't really behind in his tasks.

Cullen's duties for that day was arranging a Harrowing, the one that Trista was going to undergo, which he and Aislinn had discussed that morning before they'd parted ways. Briefly, Cullen remembered watching the woman leaving while he'd stood on the bridge, and felt a longing to take her to his room just to have her next to him whenever he woke up if only because the morning in the Teryn's Keep when he'd found her laying right there once his eyes had opened had been one of the best moments in his life at that point.

Considering the dream he'd had though, that consideration became questionable. Perhaps she would've chased his nightmares off with her presence, but if she hadn't, he'd rather not have her see him waking up in such a state of being.

Cullen pushed the thoughts away though and concentrated on what he needed to do instead. Dreyan was given some warning about the incoming Harrowing, and the Captain told Cullen in earnest that he would make sure to serve his duty properly. Cullen gave him a light pat on the back as he walked past out of both encouragement and sympathy in understanding Dreyan's plight just before he went about going to find Aislinn so she could get Trista and bring her to the Chamber. He wound up at the door to her study, knocking on it, when he heard an unfamiliar voice telling him to come in.

Opening the door, Cullen looked inside, and he didn't see what he thought he might. Settled behind Aislinn's desk was Marleyna, but she wasn't wearing a Chantry Robe like she normally did. Instead, she was wearing a red mage's robe, and she had her silvery hair down completely, which hung in loose waves to her chest. There was even a nicely ornate staff settled against the wall that he knew didn't belong to Aislinn or any of the other Senior Enchanters because he'd never seen it before, so it must have been...hers?

Cullen gave her an odd look as he stepped inside and shut the door behind himself, asking, "Revered Mother? Why are you dressed as a mage?"

It suddenly hit him just before the woman started chuckling precisely what was going on. Now that he could hear her voice more clearly when she spoke, he realized it was a Ferelden accent, but it was tainted with a hint of Orlesian, suggesting she'd spent a good bit of her life there. This woman _wasn't_ Marleyna in particular.

Her response proved it to him as well. "You know, I want to go back to Orlais with Marleyna now _just_ so people will wonder how I ever managed to get the gall to dress up as a priest, and a Revered Mother no less. But no, I'm sorry to fool you, I'm Marleyna's twin, Morrella. I'm afraid you have us confused."

"I'd just thought of that actually," Cullen replied to her properly. "Marleyna mentioned you to me once before. I apologize for that."

"Oh, it's quite alright," Morrella said, smiling at him kindly. "You're only the tenth person to ask me that today alone, and I get a kick out of it every single time if only for the looks on people's faces," she chuckled out, then stood up from the desk she'd been settled at. Walking around the side of it, she said on the way, "You must be the Knight Commander. Marleyna told me about you too. It seems she's become rather fond of you, and gave me some high praise."

High praise? Cullen briefly wondered what that might've entailed, but wasn't arrogant enough to ask about it. Instead, he introduced himself by saying, "Well, I try to serve as well as I can, but yes, my name is Cullen," and gave her a polite bow of his head while thinking to himself that, despite the clothing and hair, it was remarkable just how much the sisters actually mirrored each other. In addition to his introduction though, he asked her, "When did you arrive?"

"About two days ago to my sister's surprise, probably not long after you left with the First Enchanter. I managed to get a little bit of a vacation so to speak, and I wanted to come here without any warning. She puts so much detail into her letters about this place that I was too curious not to, and let's just say my surprise visit was quite worth the wait of traveling."

"Well, I'm pleased that you did," Cullen replied, being honest with that statement. When Marleyna had mentioned having a twin before, he didn't think he'd ever meet her, but he _had_ been curious about her. "I hope your trip was agreeable as well."

"Oh, it was long and tedious, but very worth it," she grinned. Then she asked him, "Were you looking for Aislinn when you came here?"

"Yes, I was."

"Well she _just_ left not five minutes before you knocked, Ser, but she'll be right back. I think she said something about going to grab an apprentice mage for me to meet, one named Trista, whom is about to undergo her Harrowing."

So _that's_ what happened to her and why Morrella was here instead. "Yes, that's why I'm here," Cullen nodded. "Everything's been prepared for it and I wanted to notify her."

Morrella gave a nod of her head, a smile on her face, and she asked with a wave of her hand, "You know, I almost failed _my_ Harrowing. Well, not that the Templars knew about it, otherwise I'd be dead. It was a last minute proposition by the demon which I was only _barely_ paying attention to because I was about to let my ego cloud my judgement, caught in a single moment off guard, and I _almost_ had a slip of the tongue. Fortunately I stopped myself and," she straightened her shoulders proudly before finishing, "let's just say I spoke with something other than words to be rid of it."

Cullen got the feeling that Morrella was actually the more fiery of the two twins when Morrella told him that, but it was hard to imagine considering the spunkiness that Marleyna usually exuded. While he waited on Aislinn, he felt no qualms in getting to know the woman better either, and so he gave her a smile, saying, "I see. As long as the message was gotten across, then all went well I take it."

"Hmph, I'll say, indeed it did. But enough of that," she chuckled out.

Nodding, Cullen asked her, "So what do you think of Morsfeld?"

"Oh, it's very lovely. Of course, because it was built by Orlesians it reminds me of home," she laughed, then added, "which is refreshing. Oh, and I shouldn't say anything, but Marleyna was wanting to see you for something personal later. She'll tell you what it is herself, but now you know to expect something anyway."

"I'll keep that in mind. I...almost feel like I'm talking to her now as it is."

"Uncanny, isn't it?," Morrella asked with a grin on her face. "Of course, my accent's changed according to her, but I'm still the better looking one, though I promised I wouldn't gloat about it."

There was a teasing to her words that was exactly like Marleyna's, and Cullen couldn't help but smile in amusement over it, including the thought that she was the better looking of the two of them when they were exactly the same physically, well, with a few minor style differences. "I couldn't imagine having a twin," Cullen replied, "and seeing myself down a hallway, or out in the yard. Is it strange?"

"Well, we were separated when we were young, and honestly, it was stranger _not_ to see myself and be somewhat unique than it was to have a sister about who looked exactly like me," she replied thoughtfully. "Oh, I remember how we loved to play little tricks on our parents and...well, you can imagine how frustrating we were to them sometimes."

Cullen continued to smile, about to make a response when the door opened and he looked over to see Aislinn and Trista. Aislinn smiled when she saw them and said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here, Commander." She almost called him Cullen, still feeling it was too casual to do so in front of others just yet, and stopped herself from it at the last minute.

"Yes," he answered, "I just got here a few moments ago. I wanted to tell you that the preparations have been made for the Harrowing."

Aislinn nodded her head at him and then looked at Morrella informed her, "Well, this is Trista, my student who's...about to not be my student anymore," she smirked. "Trista, this is Marlyena's twin, Morrella."

"Hello, Messere," Trista greeted her politely, adding, "I knew she had a twin, but I didn't think you two would look so much alike."

"Ser Cullen was _just_ saying the same thing," Morrella smiled. "Oh, and Aislinn, I thought you were going to tell her I was Marleyna just for fun."

Aislinn laughed softly, replying, "I didn't want to confuse the poor girl too much."

Chuckling, Morrella nodded her head and waved a hand, "Probably a good idea with the girl's test coming up. She'll need as little confusion as possible." Following the suggestion, Morrella turned her blue eyes at Trista and asked her, "So, are you nervous, child?"

"Yes, I am a little," Trista nodded.

Morrella continued smiling and reached over, taking her hand, "Don't be. Once you get started, you'll know precisely what you'll need to do. You just keep it in mind when you realize what it is."

"Thank you, Messere," Trista replied with a little smile, "I hope so."

"Please, call me Morrella, and I'm sure you will if what Aislinn's told me of you says anything at all. She holds you in high regard. But we can all talk later. You need to go and pass your test so we can welcome a full fledged mage into our midst, and...," she drew the word out idly, "you know, have a _real_ reason to celebrate, pour ourselves a drink and have a toast."

Morella was grinning and Aislinn started shaking her head with a smile on her lips, saying, "Oh, I think you have plenty of reason for that already. But yes, we should get this underway."

"Alright," Trista started, "then...I guess we should go?"

She'd looked at Aislinn when she asked that, and Aislinn nodded at her, keeping her expression as encouraging as possible. With those words, she turned and went to the door, and Cullen followed in behind the two mages. Once he got to the door, he looked back at Morrella and told her, "Have a good evening."

"I'm sure I will. We'll speak again soon, Ser."

Cullen gave a short nod of agreement, and then he shut the door, briefly wondering to himself why Marleyna might have wanted to see him, but he'd just have to find out about that later. He began walking with Trista and Aislinn instead, focusing on the task ahead of him, and they made it to the Harrowing Chamber not too much later. Just like Aislinn's Harrowing had gone, as well as every other mage's, no one told Trista anything about what was coming until she was inside of the room. It was all a secret, though one Aislinn doubted was kept very well anymore since the mages had their uprising in most Circles across Thedas.

It was the Knight Commander's job to tell the mage what the test entailed, and Aislinn let Cullen do this just as Greagoir had done for her - though she hadn't completely been fond of Greagoir. Actually, she was envious of Trista in a way for having Cullen to explain this to her. He may have been biased against mages, but he always chose his words with care, and expressed them in the same manner.

Just as Aislinn had suspected as well, once Cullen had finished explaining everything, Trista gave her a completely uncertain look, and Aislinn smiled at her. She wasn't _supposed_ to give Trista any pep talks, but she dispensed with that rubbish and said to her, "Don't worry, Trista. It won't be difficult if you remember what Morrella said. Approach this the way you approach everything, with wit. We've all been through it, and we've all overcome it. You're strong enough that you'll do no different as long as you remember that."

Trista narrowed her brows and looked over at the font where the Lyrium which would be used to send her into the Fade was located, and she took in her breath as if to steel herself against her misgivings about this trial. Aislinn wished she didn't have to go through it, watching her as she approached the font with determination. Aislinn also noticed Dreyan, the way he was so tense, though his expression was neutral if not forced to be that way, and she felt very sorry for him as well. But suddenly she had a thought at the sight of it, and looked over at Cullen who'd stood to the side near his Captain quietly in order to observe this.

Had he been fond of her when she'd gone through _her_ Harrowing? Aislinn looked ahead again and briefly considered to ask herself that later. For now, she watched as Trista held her hand over the font and a blue light began to envelope her body, just as it always did. She was being sent into the Fade, and to those in the room, things would continue to look this way with her standing at the font, light enveloping her body, until she was done with her trial.

It would take her time like it did with all mages, and each person in the room went through their own thoughts while waiting. Aislinn's and Cullen's centered on various things both regarding the Harrowing and remembering others like it, while Dreyan was constantly praying and hoping that he didn't have to kill anyone that evening. After about an hour and a half of waiting, Aislinn noticed movement out of the corner of her eyes and she looked over to see Cullen lowering his arms from where he'd crossed them across his chest, as if he were beginning to question Trista's progress. Dreyan looked completely bereft of emotion in that moment, as if he'd become numb with worry perhaps. Aislinn looked back down and took in her breath, then up at Trista again, also becoming a bit worried that she was having trouble in the Fade somehow or another.

Her own Harrowing had gone rather swiftly according to Cullen. Aislinn wondered if he were simply gloating or if he were being honest about that. He'd never said it directly to her, but she'd heard it in the rumors flying about the Circle Tower as they so often liked to do. But Aislinn wanted to swear that this was the last Harrowing she'd ever administer, and if she lost Trista here, she _would_ make sure to do just that. It simply wasn't right _or_ a fair test of a mage's abilities. All it did was offer the Chantry a sense of security in the fact that a mage _could_ resist a demon, and nothing more.

It was absolute garbage in her opinion.

But no sooner than Aislinn had the thought, the blue glow that had enveloped the her apprentice nearly two hours ago now fell away from her body, just as she fell away from the font and onto the floor, unconscious. That was the sign they'd needed all along. Dreyan wasted no time in heading over to her, leaning down to see that she was completely fine, just unconscious, and he announced as per his duty, "She's passed the test. She's fine."

Aislinn let out a sigh of breath in relief softly, watching as the Templars gathered her unconscious body up in order to carry her back to her room at Cullen's command. She watched them leaving the chamber with her now student-turned-mage, and once the she was left in the room with Cullen alone, she looked over at him and offered a somewhat halfhearted smiled, saying, "Yet another successful Harrowing for the Morsfeld Circle."

"She _did_ begin to worry me for a moment," Cullen admitted as he stepped over toward Aislinn. This wasn't the first Harrowing he'd administered since he'd come to Morsfeld, but the third, and Trista's had been the longest. Coming to a stop when he was about two feet away, he informed Aislinn, "I've seen longer Harrowings though."

"I'm sure you have," Aislinn replied. Then, curiously, she asked him, "What was the shortest Harrowing you ever saw?"

Cullen didn't have to think about that for too long, replying to her simply, "Yours."

Aislinn tried not to smile, but she couldn't help a little snort of amusement, admitting to him, "I'd forgotten you were there actually. You want to know what's funny though?"

"What's that?"

"The very first thing I heard when I woke up were the other apprentices talking about the way you'd complimented me on how swift I was with it. Something about it being the fastest and cleanest you'd ever seen."

Cullen gazed at her for a moment in memory of the day he'd taken her back to her bunk in the Apprentice's Quarters after she'd passed her own test like Trista just had, how some mages had asked how Aislinn had done, and what his response to them was. He'd been overcome with relief so he knew he'd probably been a bit more enthusiastic than he probably should have been, at least, speaking to the other mages anyway, but he hadn't lied about it when he'd answered.

"That was mere truth, though I may have...gloated a bit," he admitted to her once he'd had the thought.

Aislinn smiled at him, asking, "I can only imagine if you...had any feelings for me then, what it must have been like for you."

"I...," he started, then sighed out a slow breath. "It _wasn't_ easy. I knew I would have done my duty, but I didn't like it, and prayed the entire time you were in the Fade."

That surprised Aislinn a little. She had no idea, and asked him in return, "How many others have you prayed for?"

Cullen was hesitant, but he finally said, "None. Not in that manner, anyway. I've only ever prayed for them afterwards, if I had to deliver the final blow, which I did once."

Aislinn pursed her lips at him. She looked down in thought about that for a moment, but before her mind could wander too far, she heard him asking her, "What was it like?"

Drawing her face back up to glance up at him, she asked, "What? Going into the Fade?"

"Yes," Cullen nodded, a glint of curiosity in his eyes.

In thought, Aislinn lifted her brows, and then she shrugged as if not completely certain how to describe it. "Like walking into a dream with your consciousness aware. Strange, but normal at the same time, you just _know_ you're dreaming instead of thinking that it's all real. In my Harrowing, I ran into a three demons and a Spirit of Valor, oh, also a shape shifting mouse."

That hadn't been exactly what Cullen thought he would hear. "Three?," he asked her curiously. "But...," and with that, Cullen was confused.

So AIslinn explained it to him. "Well, one was a Sloth Demon, too lazy to try to do anything to me at all. I convinced him to teach the shape shifting mouse I ran into how to turn into a bear to help me fight the _real_ demon by besting him at a riddle match."

Cullen couldn't help but stare at her throughout her short litany of the things she'd done in the Fade during her Harrowing. This definitely wasn't the kind of thing he expected to hear a mage having to go through. Then again, he hadn't been exactly certain _what_ to expect to hear either. So he asked her the only thing that he could ask her. "A riddle match?"

"Yes," she nodded, then recited to him, "often will I spin a tale, never will I charge a fee. I'll entertain you an entire eve, but alas, you won't remember me. What am I?"

Cullen's brows narrowed at Aislinn over the question, considering the words for a moment, but nothing came to mind quickly. "Is this something the Sloth Demon asked?"

"Yes, care for the answer?," she asked in reply.

Cullen shook his head, repeating the words to himself as if determined to answer it on his own. It'd been a while since he'd figured out any riddles, and he turned a bit, idly rubbing his chin in thought, then looked over at her and asked, "Never will I charge a fee?"

"Yes."

"Then it could be a book, but you wouldn't forget that, then again, you have to buy those from time to time," Cullen mused aloud, more to himself than to Aislinn. Finally, he looked over at her and answered by asking, "A dream?"

"Hmm," Aislinn smiled, "you might've survived."

Cullen started shaking his head, turning back to face her fully again before telling her, "It sounds almost...juvenile in a way."

"It was a demon," she shrugged. "A lazy, uncreative one at that. It was too much for it to put any real effort or thought into it. Anyway, I got him to teach the mouse, and we went and fought a Rage Demon with the new ability."

"This...mouse," Cullen asked her. "It had to be another...spirit, didn't it?"

"Actually," Aislinn started, "it was a former mage who'd been trapped in the Fade, or so it claimed. Once I defeated the Rage Demon, he turned to me and incredulously stated that he couldn't believe I did it, that I was apparently strong, a true mage, and it made him believe he might be free of that place again some day, but he just needed a way in."

The knowing look that Aislinn was giving Cullen as she spoke those last few words told him all that he needed to know. His expression went flat, and he stated rather than asked, "The mouse turned out to be the true challenge."

"Yes," she nodded. "He soon transformed into a Pride Demon after I told him I was onto him in so many words. Then he left me with the warning to never let my guard down because true tests never ended. That's when I woke up in my bunk."

"A...a _demon_ told you _that_?"

"_Pride_ Demon," Aislinn reminded him. "It apparently thinks highly enough of itself to be able to tell you such things and arrogantly believe it will suffer no consequence for it."

"Good point," Cullen replied blandly if not a little hesitantly. He looked Aislinn over, simply glad she hadn't fallen prey to the thought that the mouse actually _was_ a mage stuck in the Fade for so long as it'd claimed to her. Still, something else had come to mind, and he couldn't help noticing it whenever he'd looked at her. So he asked, "But you don't think the Harrowing is necessary, do you?"

Aislinn knew that question was coming, but she wouldn't lie about it. Instead, she just shook her head and said, "No, I can't say that I do, Cullen. I just...don't see how it's anymore of a test to a mage than what they face everyday. You're also conscious in the Harrowing, well, in the Fade you are I mean. So it's really an unfair test. Demons are much more attracted to mages already practicing things like blood magic anyway though. It's something like a beacon to them since they're always summons spirits to begin with. Sometimes I even wonder if they can tell a normal human from one who's a mage whenever we dream normally at all."

Cullen thought about that for a few moments before he finally looked over at Aislinn again and asked her, "You've _never_ been tempted since your Harrowing?"

"No, and honestly, I wasn't even _really_ tempted _during_ my Harrowing," she snorted softly. "It's just that absolutely _nothing_ changes once it's done. You don't gain some awesome insight into your magic or some other form of enlightenment. You're just...you, when you wake up again. Nothing's changed. It makes it seem so pointless, like we were thrown to wolves for nothing other than someone's amusement or entertainment. It almost seems cruel, and I'd wager some mages fiercely believe that it is."

Cullen could imagine that was easily true indeed, but he didn't want to admit that her words made sense even though he wasn't sure he completely agreed with the sentiment or not. "You don't feel more secure in knowing you can resist a demon?," he asked her instead.

Aislinn shrugged a bit, "Since I've never even run into a demon outside of my Harrowing, either before or since then, no, I can't say that it does in specific. Honestly, it just makes it seem even _more_ pointless than before."

After listening to her saying that, Cullen let a soft sigh of breath out. When Aislinn heard it, she eyed him for a few moments, then asked, "What's wrong? Afraid I'll be mad if you say it's completely necessary?"

"No," he shook his head, looking back over at her. "I was just remembering your Harrowing for myself actually, watching you and remembering the mage I'd killed before you when she failed, wondering if she _really_ had to die because of a pointless test, and wondering, if I'd had to give the order to kill Trista just now, whether or not this is actually all blood on my hands or not."

Aislinn hesitated before she replied to that question. She almost felt a little foolish for saying she thought the Harrowing was pointless to him now. Actually, she felt very foolish. She almost stepped over to him in that moment, but she stopped herself for two reasons, the first being that it was her fault he was wondering such a thing to begin with. The second was because she wanted to hug him or, well, _something_ to try to make him feel better, but the door wasn't shut and anyone could have just walked by and saw them in the chamber.

"I don't think you do," she finally started, "even if it _is_ pointless. It's a mandate that had to be followed, just a duty that had to be performed, and it wasn't your logic that dictated it. It was someone else's."

There was no real expression on his face, it was just as unreadable as Aislinn had come to realize it could sometimes be with Cullen. He'd either become good at masking his emotions over the years apparently, or he was just practiced at keeping a neutral expression. Something in her ached with worry over it as well, and so she asked him to try to get some kind of response out of him, "How much longer would you have waited before giving the order to kill Trista?"

Cullen hesitated on answering that question, and chose his words carefully, informing her, "I don't know to be completely honest. It's not easy to simply command that when there's no signs of possession and the mage is simply taking a while. I thought that was a weakness of mine that I needed to overcome to be honest, my reluctance to issue that order, but now I'm not so certain."

Aislinn didn't give a verbal response to that, only nodded her head quietly, still feeling on edge as if fearing she'd upset him somehow. So after a moment of silence between them, she finally asked, "Did I say something wrong, Cullen? Something to make you angry with me?"

He began to shake his head without any hesitation which did make her feel a bit better as he replied, "No, you didn't. I think perhaps you said something right, and I'm not upset with you at all. It just seems that you wind up challenging my views so often with very logical arguments that I've found I need to continually reevaluate my stances. Sometimes it's harder than...I expect it to be."

Aislinn frowned at him. She'd just made him feel as if he'd murdered for no reason at all, and she didn't feel as if she could forgive herself for it. _That was smart, Aislinn, just tell him he's basically killed for no reason whatsoever. Good going._ Perhaps he didn't hold it against her, but she hadn't meant for the tables to turn in such a way at all, and that was what made her feel badly for it. "I'm sorry, Cullen, I didn't mean to–," she started, and stopped when he shook his head at her.

"No, you don't ever need to apologize to me for being honest about the way you feel," he started, "or the things you think." After a brief pause, he nodded and added more softly on a reassuring tone of voice, "There's no harm done, love, I promise."

Pursing her lips, Aislinn decided to believe him and gave him a nod of her head to show that she did, but she still felt as if she should find a way to make it up to him somehow. She promised herself that she would, but for now, the subject needed to be changed, and she remembered something she wanted to tell him anyway. So she started turning, and she asked as she walked to the door in order to shut it, "Do you have a few more moments to spare? I have some news I need to tell you about."

Cullen lifted a brow over his eye while curiously wondering over what it could be, watching her as she shut the door and asking, "What news is that?" A sudden thought hit him then, and he perked up completely because of the way she'd shut the door. Immediately, he asked her, "Are you pregnant?"

Aislinn had turned from the door and had been walking back over when she suddenly stopped at the comment and gave him a set of wide, silver eyes, then started shaking her head quickly while saying, "Oh, no, it's not about that! It's still a little too soon to tell. I'll know in a few days."

He couldn't help but let out the breath he hadn't even realized he'd sucked in and held. Nodding, he replied, "Sorry, with the way you shut the door, I thought it might be a personal matter between the two of us."

Aislinn finally found a smile which she gave him easily, telling him, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spook you. But it's actually...good, but surprising news." The thought of what she was about to tell Cullen had been in and out of her head all day long. She hadn't slept much that morning after she'd left him at the pond because of what Ila had informed her of, and she'd _wanted_ to tell Cullen about it before Trista's Harrowing, but there hadn't been a time or place for it. Now seemed like as good a time as any though, so she looked up at him and began to explain it all.

"It's about Gracie," she started. "You met Morrella already, and I found out much earlier this morning that...well, Gracie is apparently Morella's granddaughter."

Cullen stared at Aislinn for a moment as that information settled in while trying to figure out how that could have been possible. In seeing his curiosity, his expression changing to suit the surprise he felt like she'd said he would, Aislinn nodded her head at him, "That's the way I looked when I found out. But apparently, Morrella's surprise visit sparked a good bit of curiosity in Gracie, who started asking Morrella and Marlyena all kinds of questions about how they could both look so much alike. During the talking, Morrella mentioned to Gracie that she had a daughter of her own once with a similar name, Alara Grace."

Cullen couldn't help himself from asking, "Gracie's mother?"

"Yes," Aislinn nodded. "Morrella told me all about it. When she was pregnant and giving birth in Orlais, the Sister who oversaw the delivery had been very sympathetic toward her, felt sorry that she had to take the baby away from its mother, and allowed Morrella to name the child herself. Alara was the name of Morrella's and Marleyna's mother, and Grace the name of the sister who allowed Morrella to name her daughter."

"But," Cullen started, looking on in confusion for a moment as he next asked, "how did they figure out that this is Gracie's mother?"

With a sigh, Aislinn asked him, "Remember how I said that Gracie never spoke a word of the night that her family's village was attacked and burned to the ground?" When Cullen nodded in response over the memory, Aislinn informed him, "Well, she couldn't remember it, or anyone else, as if the trauma was too much for her. But when Morrella told Gracie that name, she said Gracie got very quiet, and suddenly burst into tears, and neither of them knew why."

Aislinn took a breath after explaining that because the thought of Gracie having such an emotional breakdown broke her heart. Looking down, Aislinn pushed some of her hair back over her shoulder idly and finished the story by saying, "She grabbed Marleyna in a tight hug while they tried to coax information out of her. Finally, Gracie began crying the word 'Mama' again and again, and Marleyna asked her if she was missing _me_." Aislinn began shaking her head, and finished the story with the softly spoken words, "But she shook her head no, and told Marleyna, my real mama, she burned with my daddy."

Somehow, the thought of Gracie hugging Marleyna in such a distraught manner while crying out those words made a pang of sorrow stab through Cullen's chest, just as it had Aislinn when she'd heard it. Cullen let out a sigh of breath, asking, "So Gracie remembers her mother's name now, and what happened?"

Aislinn nodded her head over the question and looked back up at him. "I talked to Gracie this morning with Morrella and Marleyna. She not only remembers her real mother's name, but her father's, and her big brother's. She also remembers that, as she said," and Aislinn quoted Gracie word for word, "my daddy told me mama was Orlsan."

"Orlsan?," Cullen asked. "She must have meant Orlesian."

"Yes, Gracie can't pronounce it too well. She _also_ said that her father used to playfully tease her by calling her Alara Grace instead of Gracie all of the time, which she told us made her _so mad_ because," Aislinn mimicked Gracie by stomping her foot on the floor and crossing her arms over her chest before she said like Gracie, "_My_ name is Gracie, _not_ Alara Grace! I'm not my mama!"

Cullen smiled over the thought because, somehow, he could see Gracie saying such a thing easily. Still, this was very surprising, and he told Aislinn so. "It's hard to imagine that all this time she was related to Marleyna and no one knew it."

Aislinn was nodding her head by the end of his sentence. "You can imagine how surprised Marleyna and her sister were. But Gracie seems to be alright, though she's been terribly quiet too. I think the memories that have come back to her have stunned her a good bit, and it has me worried. She acts like herself, but at the same time, she's been much more quiet than she usually is."

"She's a strong child," Cullen pointed out to Aislinn, hoping to waylay her fears a little. "She'll pull through it, and she has many people here to help her as well."

"I certainly hope so," Aislinn sighed out in agreement. "But she seems to be getting along very well with Morrella, which is a good thing. I want them to be close, I want Gracie to have some real family, and Morrella to have some piece of the child she lost so long ago."

Cullen could easily see why, thinking to himself about how having a child taken from you would be a terrible pain to bare, but he looked Aislinn over questioningly and asked her, "What about you? She's been like a daughter to you as well."

"Well, it's not as if I'm losing her," Aislinn informed him. "Morrella's even mentioned staying here permanently if she can get everything worked out. I think it's a good idea. Besides, I know Marleyna's missed her sister on top of things."

"That does sound like a good idea then," Cullen agreed. "Everyone could benefit."

Briefly, he reconsidered their own situation, the fact that Aislinn could get pregnant after their time spent at the Teryn's Keep, and now he could see at least one solidly good thing about it, which was that should things wind up where Gracie was taken in by Morrella in some instance, and taken away in the process, Aislinn would have a child of her own at least, not that he thought Aislinn was in any danger of losing Gracie at all. But in either case, he'd already made up his mind to fight in order to keep any child that might have come out of the evening he and Aislinn had shared together, so things would be fine.

Cullen let his eyes slip down to her stomach in the silver colored robe she was wearing while he thought of that, trying to imagine it swollen with his child. Instead of shame or regret when he saw such a thing in his head, his chest swelled with...pride of all things. He couldn't help that though. He was fond of children, though he didn't often get to interact with them, and had always wondered what it might be like to have a family of his own. More than once the thought of settling down and having one or two of his own had passed through his head, especially during long hours standing watch in the Tower, or in the Gallows as he'd spent there. It was something he'd chided himself for thinking about because it wasn't practical for him to have.

So there was something about the idea of Aislinn, the woman he'd loved from a distance for so long, swollen with his child, of holding her hand and trying to comfort her pains while she birthed their baby, of holding it and raising it with her, that was definitely an experience he wouldn't mind having. The more he thought about it, the more he didn't think he'd mind if she came to him in the next few days and said the words 'you're going to be a father, Cullen'. But he didn't tell himself it would be easy, even if hearing such a phrase wouldn't be hard to swallow. So it would be better saved for later, not now. Now, things were much too unstable and the child's life could have ended up in peril from numerous sources. There was no such thing as a perfect time, but there was a such thing as a _better_ time, and he could definitely wait for that.

But Aislinn suddenly interrupted his thoughts though when she looked back up at him as if she'd drifted off on her own for a few moments, and she said, "Well, we should probably get back to our duties for now. I have to get Trista moved and...," she sighed, "reassigned, that kind of thing, on top of meeting Morrella and Marleyna for dinner with Gracie like I'd promised."

Cullen stared at her quietly for a moment, then took a step in closer to her as if simply drawn there, asking, "When can we see one another again? Perhaps...arrange a time for dinner for ourselves."

"Oh," Aislinn thought aloud, then lifted a brow in thought, "Hmm, I don't know. We can try for it tomorrow evening if you'd like. I have nothing planned."

Cullen nodded his head, resisting the urge to draw her in and kiss her before they parted ways again, fearing he might get carried away with it. "That sounds agreeable," he replied, and noticed Aislinn giving him a funny look. Perking a brow up, he asked in response, "What?"

"Nothing," she shook her head, smiling up at him. "I'm just getting the feeling you're thinking about kissing me."

The small smile that suddenly showed up on Cullen's face reminded her far too much of the younger man she'd known in the Tower before tragedy had hardened him, though there was traces of the man he'd become in it. It was almost a coy smile, and he asked her, "Why do you think that?"

"It just seems like every time you're trying to keep yourself in check," she started knowingly, "you become very formal with me."

"Well...," he started, shaking his head a bit as he tried to think of what to say, "I just don't want to...risk anything questionable at the moment."

Somehow, that made Aislinn grin. With what seemed to be the grace of ease, she told him, "Very well, I'll risk it then," and put her hands on his shoulders before leaning up and pressing a soft, slow kiss to his lips which he met her halfway for, taking her upper arms in a light hold. She kept it a chaste kiss on purpose, just a show of affection and nothing more, brushing her lips over his twice before she stood flat on her feet again and looked up at him with a good bit of warmth and fondness in her eyes, saying, "I love you. We'll eat tomorrow night and talk more then."

All Cullen could manage was a nod of agreement as she turned to leave the Chamber before he realized moments later that he was standing there by himself, and he reached up and rubbed his eyes, letting out a sigh of breath. Somehow he didn't think he'd ever be able to watch her leaving a room with either not even realizing she was going, to having the urge to follow her. Was it normal to feel that way? Ever since that night at Milus's Keep, he somehow felt cheated of time with the woman, as if nothing were ever fair.

He needed something to distract him from it. It was then that he remembered that Marleyna wanted to talk to him according to her sister, not to mention he had the duty rosters that could keep him company, so he decided to go and do that once he'd finished creating the roster for the next week. That should've kept him busy until the end of the day anyway, at which time it was already close to.

Hopefully, whatever it was Marleyna wanted to speak with him about wasn't of the more unpleasant nature.

_XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX_

It was dark outside by the time Cullen had gone to the Revered Mother's study in the Circle's Chantry and knocked on her door. He'd only remembered when he arrived that Aislinn had said she was going to have dinner with the woman, so he hoped it wasn't too late to find her. But apparently she was there, telling him to enter from inside of the room, and he did just that, pushing the door open and stepping inside when she looked up and smiled over at him.

"Ser Cullen, welcome back. How are you?"

"I'm well," he replied, turning to go and sit down when she silently motioned for him to. Once he was in the chair settled across from her desk, and looked over at Marleyna, who was holding a scroll in her hand, he asked her, "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Oh no, not at all. I was about to go have dinner, but I'd stopped to look over this scroll. It's amazing what a few simple names recorded onto paper can tell you."

Cullen's brows furrowed over the comment, asked her, "What is it?," as he eyed the scroll she'd been holding onto.

"A list of children being raised in an Orphanage in Denerim. That's where Morrella's daughter was taken when she was ten years old. I pulled it out to find the name again after what's happened recently with my sister arriving. Have you met her yet?"

"Yes, I met Morrella earlier today."

Marleyna smiled at him, asking, "How long did it take you to figure out it wasn't simply me, dressed up as a mage?"

Cullen couldn't help a short chuckle, "Actually, not long, but I didn't make the connection at first."

"It's amazing how much that amuses her," Marleyna replied, letting a soft chuckle as she went back to the scroll, and then stopped. "Ah, there's the name I was looking for." She began to roll the scroll back up so that when it reopened it would be right on the spot she wanted it to be. "I want Morrella to see this."

Cullen watched her rolling up the scroll, thinking over what it was for a moment before he asked her curiously, "How is it that you have that?"

"I requested it years ago when my sister wrote me to tell me what she'd heard about her daughter. I was curious, and since I had a name to go by, I wanted to see what might've been on there so I requested it from the Orphanage. Sadly, she was already marked as having left it about a year before I got word on her whereabouts, so we couldn't find her."

"I wasn't even aware they kept lists of the children's names," Cullen admitted, and briefly, he wondered if he might've been in a list somewhere outside of Amaranthine, but supposed he'd never know. Even if he was, it wouldn't tell him anything that he didn't already know.

"Not all of them do," Marleyna answered him while he thought about it, "but the bigger ones, like the one in Denerim, have records on hand of the children raised there." She then put the scroll down on the desk behind which she sat then and folded her fingers together before glancing over at Cullen and saying, "I remember you saying you didn't know your parents either, and that you were raised outside of Amaranthine in the Monastery there."

"Yes," he nodded. "I was. I was just thinking perhaps my name is on one."

"It could be," Marleyna replied.

Cullen nodded at her, the conversation reminding him of what Kethran had said the other day about Templars being the children of mages, at least, in several cases. "It...does remind me of something I'd been told recently, however," he informed Marleyna, looking over at her with curiosity in his eyes.

"Oh? What's that?"

"Recently, at the Teryn's Keep, I ran into a man I used to serve with in the Circle Tower. His name is Kethran. He seems to think that many Templars are just the children of mages, taken from their parents at birth and conditioned to be Templars from a young age, or even priests I'd suspect in the female children's cases." Cullen looked back up at Marleyna and asked her, "Would you happen to...know anything about that?"

Marleyna let her hands lower to the surface of the desk as her brows raised. She thought about what he said, and then answered, "Honestly, I couldn't say. My official position as the Revered Mother dictates that I'm to answer any question you ask of the Chantry that could potentially defame it as 'no, that's not true at all', but in light of recent discoveries we're both well aware of, I think this is an outdated edict so to speak. It may very well be true in _some_ cases, just as the letters found in Denerim proved that control of the Order using Lyrium was true in _some_ cases. I myself have never had a hand in taking a child from it's parent however, so I couldn't be certain."

Cullen believed her completely, had absolutely no reason he shouldn't, and doubts never even entered his mind. To top it off, Marleyna seemed just as disturbed by the idea as he had, and that further proved she was telling the truth of what she knew. With a sigh, Cullen nodded slowly, finally replying after a moment, "I never knew my parents, Brent was raised by foster parents, Kethran told me he was raised in an Orphanage run by the local Chantry. He said he's talked to countless others in the Order as well whom don't know of their true roots. I don't like the conspiracy, but I have to admit that his words do give pause."

"That they do," Marleyna nodded. "Many of the priests I know had their parents however, and I knew mine, but then, I didn't make a habit of asking everyone about their pasts. So for all I know, I could have crossed several who had no idea what their lineage was in my time."

Cullen sighed, nodding and asking, "Might there be names from some of the Templars perhaps posted _here_ on that list? That is, saying that list is old enough."

"Hmm, there could be, it's just over ten years old," she nodded, "though the Templars listed on it would of course know whether or not they were raised in an Orphanage in Denerim, so it would do little good to scour the list except to find out just how many of them there might be."

"True," Cullen replied, then shook his head. But he had a thought, and looked up, asking, "What about those too young to remember where they'd originally been taken. Those who were passed on to Foster families and raised by them instead? This might at least help them to know _where_ they'd come from if they weren't told the truth for some reason."

"_That_," Marleyna replied with a nod of her silvery head of hair, "is an excellent point."

Cullen was glad that she agreed, somehow feeling better about things now that he'd talked to her about it, and as she'd tugged her spectacles from her face, probably ready to go and have dinner soon now, he asked her, "I think I've gotten us off topic though. I was told that you had something you wished to discuss with me. It's why I came here."

"Oh, I did," Marleyna replied, asking him, "did my sister mention that to you?"

"Yes, actually."

"Well, it's obvious she's lived in a Circle then, she likes to gossip," the Revered Mother chuckled out. "But it's just a few minor things I wanted to speak of, nothing extremely important. I first wanted to ask how you were doing with the Lyrium."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you that," Cullen remembered, then informed her, "I'm no longer taking it. I haven't had a dose in two weeks now, and I don't feel the need to take more either. That remedy worked."

Marleyna gave him a very genuine smile for his success, one that was infectious, making Cullen feel the need to do the same as she told him, "Wonderful, Cullen. I'm glad Melrath's remedy worked well for you."

Cullen buried the smile he felt like giving as best he could because he thought it was a bit too prideful when it wasn't really all his doing. In response, he said, "Well, I'm glad for Aislinn's help personally. If it weren't for her, I don't think I would have made it through that first night."

"I heard about it," Marleyna admitted. "She said you became fairly volatile with Alec and Captain Dreyan. It's not the first time this has happened though, so I hope you don't blame yourself for it."

"Aislinn says the same thing. I try not to, but I do still feel guilt."

"Well, that's just human nature to feel guilt in such a way," Marleyna replied with a smile. "And speaking of Aislinn, she's another topic I wanted to discuss with you. How are things fairing between the two of you now that you've been talking about your feelings for her? She seems to have taken a fancy to you as well."

"She...has, yes," Cullen nodded his head, unable to help himself from speaking so reluctantly about it. "I would be a liar as well if I said I felt any regret or guilt for what we've both...developed between us, or for following your advice. I...," he sighed, looking down, thinking about Aislinn's potential pregnancy again, as well as how they'd made love, which was something he _wouldn't_ be telling Marleyna right now just incase Aislinn wound up not pregnant because Marleyna certainly hadn't advised him to sleep with the woman, and then finished his thoughts with the words, "I'm content when I'm with her. More than I've ever been that I can remember."

He looked back up once he was done speaking, expecting to see a thoughtful look on Marleyna's face, to find her considering whether or not it was all really a good idea, but instead, she was smiling warmly at him. "Hearing that makes me feel good, Cullen. So I'm taking it that the two of you may eventually seek a stronger connection, then?"

For a brief moment, he gave a pause as he thought of how to answer that, and finally settled on the words, "I could definitely say it's possible."

"Well, keep me informed of it. I'd like to make sure I'm on top of things, and that all is well for the both of you. I want to be able to do whatever I can."

"I will," Cullen told her honestly in response, glad that, even if she was powerless, she stood for them on a personal level. He got the feeling easily that she knew of the odds stacked against them, but she was supportive because she saw nothing in black and white saying that it was evil, wrong, or just plain immoral for him to seek something more with a woman he legitimately loved. Instead of mentioning any of that though, he only said, "I was told you're having dinner with her this evening, and your sister."

"Yes, so we can all talk together with Gracie. Isn't that a shock? That I'm her great aunt after everything?"

"Aislinn told me after Trista's Harrowing. It's not precisely something I'd expected to hear," Cullen replied.

"Perhaps you should join us. Gracie's fond of you after all, and I'm sure my sister wouldn't mind learning more about you. She's talked of staying here in this Circle, joining the Senior Mages, if you hadn't heard."

Aislinn had told Cullen all of this as well, but before he could tell Marleyna of this, a knock came to the door, and a woman's voice on the other side sounded upset whenever they heard it.

"Revered Mother, something's happened, I need to speak with you."

"Well come in, child, don't tell me through the door," Marleyna replied, her voice sympathetic but urgent in tone.

As soon as she made the suggestion, the door opened, and one of the Sisters named Amberly who had a fiery main of auburn hair and pretty sky blue eyes stood on the other side, about to walk in before gasping slightly when she saw Cullen as if she hadn't expected anyone to be standing there. Once she realized who it was, she sighed out the words, "Oh, I'm sorry, Ser! I thought Marleyna was alone."

"Come in," Marleyna told her with a wave of her hand before Cullen could make any kind of response to accidentally startling the fretting Sister. "Tell us what's happened, Amberly. That is, unless you'd rather Ser Cullen leave first?"

"No, it's fine," Amberly replied, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind herself. She looked distraught, though she hadn't been crying from what they could tell. She turned to the Revered Mother once the door was shutting out unwanted ears and said, "Terrible news just came about an hour ago. The Revered Mother, Jana, has been killed, and another Mother named Chastlin who was with her. They were killed by Apostates after leaving the Teryn's Keep."

Marleyna's blue eyes went wide, and she slowly stood up from her chair. Even Cullen couldn't help staring at Amberly as she delivered this news to them. It took Marleyna a moment for it all to settle in, but she finally asked, "Jana was killed by Apostates? Along with another Mother? Where did you hear this, Amberly?"

"A delivery from Morsfeld just arrived. Timly told me of it."

Timly was a guard who lived in Morsfeld and traveled with the deliveries to the Circle that were made for various items from time to time, and he was a trusting source of information. When Amberly said that, Marleyna let her head hang a bit. Cullen knew of Timly himself, though he'd yet to get to know the man, and he let his gaze drift from Amberly and over to Marleyna, a mix of feelings washing over him in those few moments. He hadn't known Jana, or Chastlin, and though his one experience with the women wasn't a completely pleasant one, he certainly didn't wish this kind of fate on them.

But for now, he worried more about Marleyna. After a moment of letting her head bow forward, she said aloud, "Maker guide them to your side."

Cullen looked down as well after that, his brows narrowing in thought, and that's when he asked Amberly, "Sister, did Timly report any others being dead or harmed? Or where this happened? Those Priests had five Templars protecting them, so there shouldn't be a need to call out a watch."

"I...," Amberly thought, then shook her head with the reply, "no, but he did said they weren't too far south of the Keep from what he heard."

"South?," Cullen asked. Morsfeld was south of the Teryn's Keep, which put them, though perhaps not too closely, in the general vicinity. When he had the thought, he looked over at Marleyna and told her, "If that's the case, we may need to be on alert anyway, incase the apostates who attacked them show up here."

"Yes," Marleyna replied, looking back over at him, and then she straightened her posture and gave a nod of her head. "If I might make a suggestion, don't report this to everyone just yet, Cullen, wait until official word arrives, which it soon will. I think it may be better to simply alert your higher ranking officers alone first so they'll know how to delegate their responsibilities. It will keep worry to a minimum if something _should_ come this way."

Cullen gave Marleyna a compliant nod of his head over the suggestion and told her, "I'll do that right now then. I'll also alert those assigned to guard the walls of this as well so they'll know to be on the look out for anything suspicious."

Marleyna blankly nodded at Cullen silently, apparently overwhelmed by the news. When she remained quiet, he asked her, "Revered Mother? Will you be alright?"

The question snapped her out of it, her blue eyes going back to his face as thought entered her mind again. "Yes," she nodded after a moment, "I'll be fine. I just knew Jana, and though we didn't always see eye to eye, this is...not pleasant news. But go on and get things set, Knight Commander. Don't worry over me."

Reluctantly, Cullen nodded at her, gave her the proper respect, and then turned to leave the study. As he let the door shut, he heard Amberly telling Marleyna that she was worried the Chantry might think some mages from the Morsfeld Circle had done this, and send someone to investigate, and he hadn't even thought of that until she spoke the words. But it could easily be true. What's worse, with Cullen being the Knight Commander there, things might become heated for him as well whenever news spread far enough.

Still, at least they knew about it. Things would have to be handled appropriately, and as Cullen walked along, he thought to himself that in the meantime, he wouldn't get to have dinner with the Revered Mother, her sister, Aislinn, and Gracie after all. But that seemed to be the way of things, and he felt highly compelled to handle this matter in any case.

For a brief moment, he wondered if Kethran was alive. He wasn't sure why the man had so suddenly popped into his head - perhaps it was simply because they had a slight history when it came to serving together - but he was curious nonetheless. Still, a Revered Mother, dead at the hands of mages, _wasn't_ going to bode well in the near future either way things went.

This might be the blow that actually drug Morsfeld into the battle currently waging between the mages and Templars that didn't seem to want to die down. The thought almost made it feel as if the Harrowing for the Circle itself was just beginning somehow.


End file.
